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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,006 (thunder rumbling) 2 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:12,813 I'm scared, Mom. 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,082 What if they take me? 4 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,016 Don't worry, Barterfinger. 5 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:18,052 You're always the last. 6 00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:21,489 Even boxes of stale raisins go before you, Butterfinger-- 7 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,191 I mean, Barterfinger. 8 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:24,558 (gasps) 9 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,260 No one ever wants the apple. 10 00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,929 They must be afraid there's a razor blade in me. 11 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,432 Yeah. That's the reason. 12 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,934 Maybe you'll be dipped in caramel. 13 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,104 Oh, whoop-dee-doo. 14 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,071 (all gasping) 15 00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,906 What the... Where am I going? 16 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,075 You're going to heaven, Dad. 17 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:43,577 GRAMPA: Those pearly gates look a lot like teeth! 18 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,246 Change is always hard. 19 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,947 Well, I guess that... 20 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,217 (Grampa screaming) 21 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,252 Cigarette breath! 22 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,290 Oh, thank God. 23 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,159 We made it through the night. 24 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:03,364 And now you're on a high shelf, 25 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:07,135 where they'll forget about you forever! 26 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:10,371 (crying): Why won't the earth take me? 27 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,441 I hear you, my friend. 28 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:16,076 Mmm, candy. 29 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,745 Homer, no! 30 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,147 Don't be silly, honey. 31 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,714 Chocolate doesn't feel anything. 32 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,550 No! God, no! 33 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,084 Dad...! 34 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,487 I can't listen to this horror! 35 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,921 Okay, I'm on it. 36 00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,157 (screams stops abruptly) 37 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,358 Thank you. 38 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,194 (chewing noisily) 39 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,200 * 40 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,442 (The Exorcist theme music playing) 41 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,118 (thunder crashes) 42 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,987 * 43 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,666 It's here! Maggie's first Pazuzu! 44 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,468 Your father ordered this because... 45 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,337 Mm, why did you order this? 46 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,138 I thought it was pizza. 47 00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,040 Yeah, I'll send it back tomorrow. 48 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,176 Tonight we have a cocktail party. 49 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,977 And we came early. 50 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:27,281 And I left my face on your hand towel. 51 00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,916 (Marge grumbles) 52 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:30,851 Hmm. 53 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,253 (humming a melody) 54 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,123 (groans) 55 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,625 Don't worry, Maggie. 56 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,027 While Mommy and Daddy carouse downstairs, 57 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,129 you'll be here in the dark with Pazuzu! 58 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,233 (to "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling): * When Pazuzu's eyes 59 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,834 * Are glaring 60 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:50,538 * It's time to go to bed 61 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,807 * You'll see demon shadows fighting * 62 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:57,545 * But it's just inside your head * 63 00:02:57,578 --> 00:03:01,582 * When Pazuzu's eyes are staring * 64 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,985 * The moonlight will turn red 65 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:10,190 * 'Cause Pazuzu's in your nightmares * 66 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:13,160 * Until we all 67 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,029 * Are dead. 68 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,531 Sweet dreams, Maggie. 69 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,667 Don't let the Beelzebubs bite. 70 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,068 (door creaks) 71 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,404 * 72 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,039 -(piano playing) -(lively chatter) 73 00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,941 Nobody's eating my chowder. 74 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,444 Maybe I can take it back home with me. 75 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:39,019 Maggie, sweetie, you should be in bed. 76 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,789 (demonic voice): No one leaves alive. 77 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,191 Ooh, her first words! 78 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,726 Did someone get that on their phone? 79 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,928 LENNY: Aw, she's got red eye. 80 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,897 She's a demon from hell! 81 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,732 Also, generic cola? 82 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,100 Really? (chuckles) 83 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,735 Cocktail fail. 84 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,069 (groans) 85 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,037 Thank you. 86 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,238 (all screaming) 87 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,812 (cell door slams) 88 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,114 Well, at least we still got the liquor. 89 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,017 (whines, grunts) 90 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,820 (gurgles) 91 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,322 Ah, my chowder! 92 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,424 Someone's starting the terrible twos. 93 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,991 (chuckles) 94 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:20,528 (demonic voice): Someone's having an affair with his nurse. 95 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,132 -Say "ah." -A... dulterer. 96 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:27,134 179? I... 97 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,135 (grunts) 98 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,571 (choking laugh) 99 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:34,007 I'm afraid that little devil needs an exorcism. 100 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,110 I'm afraid they didn't teach me those at Pepperdine. 101 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,512 * 102 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:41,114 Bible ribbons, that'll hold her. 103 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,417 (grunting) 104 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:44,985 -(groans) -(toy siren wailing) 105 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,521 Oh, good, the police are here. 106 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,156 (chokes) 107 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,824 (owl hoots) 108 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,428 When is that exorcist gonna get here? 109 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,996 Marge, we'll be fine. 110 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,131 Maggie just learned what a circle is. 111 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,603 HOMER: Okay, whoever she stops at has to change her diaper, 112 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,005 which appears to contain flaming lava. 113 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,541 MARGE: Oh, you just never want to change a diaper. 114 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,976 (Homer whimpers) 115 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,511 I'll handle this. 116 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,449 -(gasps) -(shouting gibberish) 117 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,985 (muffled gibberish) 118 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,020 (losing breath) 119 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,825 Oops. Sorry about that. 120 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,494 First thing, we'll see just how powerful 121 00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,896 our demon here truly is. 122 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,731 The chicken goes... 123 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:33,333 (demonic roaring) 124 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,169 Well, there's only one answer here: 125 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,839 -cut her loose! -Are you sure? 126 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,074 If you can't trust a Catholic priest with a child, 127 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,175 who can you trust? 128 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,110 (Marge groans) 129 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,915 * 130 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,988 By the power of Christ, I say devil be out! 131 00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,557 That's all you've got? 132 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,158 Well, I say it three times. 133 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,527 This guy's good. 134 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,028 Devil be out! 135 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:06,500 I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind. 136 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:09,937 Wait, wait, so you're not even as powerful as the south wind 137 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,271 or the west wind? 138 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,006 How lame is that? 139 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,374 I used to be very important. 140 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,709 Google it. 141 00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,511 -Devil be out! -(thunder crashes) 142 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:20,113 Google it! 143 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,317 * 144 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,955 Your baby is saved. 145 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,023 Fantastic. 146 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,292 She's not going to be a religious weirdo, is she? 147 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,127 -No. -Fantastic. 148 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,429 Now hush. 149 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,631 Pazuzu is still among us. 150 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,066 But where? 151 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:42,235 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! 152 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:43,604 (gasps) Bart? 153 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,372 (demonic voice): Let me out, let me out! 154 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,041 This boy has the darkest soul I've ever seen. 155 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,144 It's worse than working for David Schwimmer! 156 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,247 Yo, Pazuzu, grow me some horns. 157 00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,483 (Homer chuckles) 158 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,418 Those aren't horns, those are nubs. (laughs) 159 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,954 No, no, no! 160 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:03,824 (nasally): Well, at least it'll get me out of jury duty. 161 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,858 D'oh! 162 00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,564 * 163 00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:13,967 * Lisa, Lisa wants a better life * 164 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:17,905 * Lisa, Lisa, go under the knife * 165 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:21,942 * Homer, Homer got a button wife. * 166 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:26,980 So, anyone want to pick up litter at the park today? 167 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,148 How about you, Maggie? 168 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,350 She's still got a touch of Pazuzu. 169 00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,085 At least she never threw up. 170 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,121 (demonic retching) 171 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,862 That's just great. 172 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,031 Everywhere but the sink. 173 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:47,835 (groans) Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong family. 174 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,770 (cat meowing) 175 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,338 Oh? Hey, Mr. Cat. 176 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,340 What are you playing with? 177 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,042 A secret door? 178 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:58,111 We don't have smoke alarms, but we have this? 179 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,881 HOMER (in distance): Smoke is its own alarm. 180 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,050 No, no, Snowball, come back! 181 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,085 It's too dangerous! 182 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,325 Sometimes tiny doors lead to big opportunities. 183 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,395 -(gasps) You could talk? -Indeed. 184 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,131 For centuries, the cat has been the symbol of intelligence, 185 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,067 the otherworld savoir faire-- 186 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,535 Ooh, shiny! 187 00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,537 Oh, there it is. Where'd it go? 188 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,238 There it is. Where'd it go? 189 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,174 There it is. Where'd it go? 190 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,341 (clears throat) Enough. 191 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,544 Let's go meet your other family. 192 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,980 (gasps) Other family? 193 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,884 Already the talking cat isn't the most interesting thing. 194 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,919 -(door creaks) -(Lisa gasps) 195 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:46,760 Whoa! For a Halloween show middle segment, this is amazing. 196 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,796 -(Homer humming a melody) -(Bart chewing noisily) 197 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:54,467 Every girl's dream, a perfect family. 198 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,838 (screams) 199 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,940 Good morning, sleepyhead. 200 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,275 For breakfast, tofu or kale? 201 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,077 Oh, that's nice. 202 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,179 But what's with the button eyes? 203 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,548 We don't all have button eyes, silly. 204 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,183 Some have button mouths. 205 00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,185 (muffled): What's up?! 206 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,355 Lisa, would you like to jam with us? 207 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,957 You like jazz? 208 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,632 (lively jazz music playing) 209 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,806 You're all good, but not better than me. 210 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,142 I wish I could stay forever. 211 00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,977 Oh, but you can. 212 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,279 All right. Let me guess. 213 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,415 Do you have to sew buttons over my eyes? 214 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:43,984 Don't worry, sugar plum, 215 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,053 we'll give you a button to bite on 216 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,554 while we sew 'em on. 217 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,957 -(screams) -Hold steady. 218 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,126 (panting) 219 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,128 Oh, sweetie, you're just in time. 220 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,130 I killed a snake with your saxophone and-- 221 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,298 Can you blow its head out? 222 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,901 Here, let me just wipe the blood off the mouthpiece. 223 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,636 Buttons, please. 224 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,108 Hmm, something's missing. 225 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,578 Didn't we have a kid between Bart and the baby? 226 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,514 Little smarty pants, plays the flute, I think. 227 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,950 Lisa. She's been gone for days. 228 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,919 And the police have been no help. 229 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,855 That's not true. I helped you reassemble that high chair. 230 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,958 Damn it! 231 00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,994 (Wiggum grunting) 232 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,965 Well, we got two kids now, so no favoritism. 233 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,802 Maggie will get Lisa's room, Maggie will get Lisa's clothes, 234 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,203 Bart will get Lisa's homework. 235 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,139 Cowabunga! 236 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,340 (Marge humming) 237 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,509 (gasps) Bart! How'd you find me? 238 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,111 I had an informant. 239 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,013 I know, he can talk. 240 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,148 He can? I just followed him in. 241 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,218 Oh, God. Now I'll have to talk to him. 242 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,521 Uh, I don't think he's coming back. 243 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,323 How can you be so calm? 244 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:58,458 I bore both those children. 245 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,194 Hey, your stories aren't great, but I wouldn't call them boring. 246 00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,629 (groans): Oh. 247 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,664 I'm going in there now. 248 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,003 You really did it this time, Homer. 249 00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,839 You lost your family. 250 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,974 Wait, you can speak on this side? 251 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,843 Yes, I just don't like to. 252 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,477 Makes the dog feel inferior. 253 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,812 (whining bark) 254 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:19,813 All right. 255 00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,414 (grunting) 256 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,916 Oh! So tight. 257 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,986 Why did I eat that second lunch at lunch? 258 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,821 Someone kick me in the ass! 259 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,289 (grunts) Thank you! 260 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,394 What is it about this world that's so great? 261 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,197 The Homer in this world doesn't pass gas. 262 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,900 That was a three-button job. 263 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,935 Would you like to have two eyes? 264 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,772 We can talk to each other while you watch TV. 265 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:48,108 Just what Homer needs, an excuse to get lazier. 266 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,442 Why, you little... 267 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:53,713 I'll lazy you, you otherworldly... 268 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,883 -What the... -That was my Bart! 269 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:59,052 Boy, sure is hard to see with buttons on your eyes. 270 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,054 D'oh! 271 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,090 (gasps) You killed my husband! 272 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,628 HOMER: Spider wife, dead son, two girls with button eyes? 273 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,664 I think this marriage has finally gotten out of its rut. 274 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,301 (vacuum whirring) 275 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,270 Yep, I got everything just the way I want it, 276 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,440 including an extra me to go to parent-teacher conferences. 277 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,710 Oh! Bart drew this picture of his family. 278 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,946 Now we're getting visits from a social worker 279 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,380 and an exterminator. 280 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,982 I'll be ready. 281 00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,283 -(gunshot) -(chain saw buzzes) 282 00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:33,086 And I've learned, no matter how bad things are, 283 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,989 they can get much, much worse. 284 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:38,058 (muffled): Huh, you're telling me. 285 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,993 Haw... haw. 286 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:44,564 (instruments warming up) 287 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,133 -(clears throat) -(instruments stop) 288 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,435 No one will be seated during the third act 289 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,070 of this Halloween show. 290 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,140 What you're about to see is so disgusting 291 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,076 you'll watch Game of Thrones to calm down. 292 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,978 You have been warned. 293 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,013 * 294 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,760 Man, am I jealous of you guys. 295 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,796 Two weeks in Lima, Ohio, with Patty and Selma 296 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,866 while I'm stuck here working. 297 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,768 It's gonna be lonely. So lonely. 298 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,871 Well, if you really want us to stay... 299 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,039 We've already kissed good-bye and the car heard it! 300 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,010 (tires screeching) 301 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,545 They're gone. Not a second to waste. 302 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,581 (laughing) 303 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,786 (to "On the Road Again"): * Left alone again 304 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,789 * Yes, I'm eating provolone again * 305 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,726 * Food just tastes better in the bathroom now and then * 306 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:50,998 * I just love being left alone again * 307 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,566 * Left alone for days 308 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,204 * I ate two dozen bags of Frito-Lays * 309 00:13:57,237 --> 00:14:00,707 * I'm gonna brush my teeth with mayonnaise * 310 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:04,177 * Now my sweat tastes just like doughnut glaze. * 311 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,947 (shrieks) 312 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,750 (shrieking) 313 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,088 Not a single morsel in the house! 314 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,090 (gasps) 315 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,225 A forgotten hot dog. 316 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,028 Oh, you're shivering. 317 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,930 I'll take care of that. 318 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,100 (to "Happy Birthday"): * Happy birthday to meat 319 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,236 * I can't wait to eat. 320 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:32,105 -Now to slit it down the middle. -(dog barks) 321 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,107 I'm not splitting it with you. 322 00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,943 I'm just teaching you how it's done. 323 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,077 (barks) 324 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,912 (groans) 325 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,480 Still frozen. 326 00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:44,551 (screams) My finger! 327 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,219 My hot dog! 328 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,890 (sizzling) 329 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,459 My finger! My poor... 330 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,893 (moaning) 331 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,728 ...delicious finger. 332 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,564 (sniffs) Wait a minute. 333 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,799 I can't eat my own finger. It's unholy. 334 00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,234 Also, it's not quite done. 335 00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:04,404 But sometimes a man has to do the unthinkable, 336 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,907 like eat something medium-rare. 337 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:08,908 Oh! 338 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,410 (fireworks whistling, popping) 339 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,579 -(to "Hallelujah Chorus") -* Hey, you ate you 340 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,314 * You tasted great, you 341 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,583 * Hey, you ate you, hey, you ate you * 342 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,119 * You cooked and ate you. 343 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,120 -(phone chimes) -Hmm? 344 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,454 Hmm. 345 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,490 (hums softly) 346 00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,795 Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm. 347 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,830 It makes complete sense. 348 00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:34,601 I eat more and exercise less than the most succulent pig. 349 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,069 Of course I'm delicious! 350 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:39,973 But I must never eat me again. Never! 351 00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:43,176 On the other hand is my other finger. 352 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,912 And one thing I love is consistency. 353 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,947 (humming "Hallelujah Chorus") 354 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,151 Hey, there, Homer Aloner. 355 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,121 In the absence of the missus, you want something delicious? 356 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,656 (sighs) 357 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,292 Don't worry, I'll be back. 358 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,999 (wheels squeaking) 359 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,035 Oh. Ooh, yuck. 360 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,869 Oh, disgusting. 361 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,439 Homer Simpson, you don't like steak anymore? 362 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,808 Actually, I've become a bit of a me-gan. 363 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,545 Do you have any spaghetti with my-balls? Uh, meatballs? 364 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,480 "Me-gan? My-balls?" 365 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,116 Are you eating forbidden fruit? 366 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,984 Fruit? Ugh. 367 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,057 Sorry, Flanders, 368 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,460 but I've got more delicious meat in my little finger 369 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,862 than you have on this whole picnic table. 370 00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,030 Speaking of which... 371 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:40,567 ("Bustin' Loose" by ReBirth Brass Band playing) 372 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,503 * Whoo 373 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,072 * 374 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,055 * Whoo. 375 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,556 * 376 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,063 I have really gone to a lot of trouble 377 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,764 not to leave the house. 378 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,500 MARGE (in distance): Homie, we're home! 379 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:14,501 (shrieks) 380 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,070 What's with the gloves? 381 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:20,173 Uh, I was watching Breakfast at Tiffany's, 382 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,509 and I thought I could be more elegant. 383 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,911 Elegant? With your waistline? 384 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,746 I don't think so. 385 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:30,683 Actually, Homer, you look like you've lost 20 pounds. 386 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,685 Well, I have been cutting back. 387 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,687 That means something different to me than you. 388 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,089 What's wrong with your leg? 389 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:38,225 Nothing. It was perfect. 390 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,892 (Marge grumbles) 391 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,096 (whirring in distance) 392 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:46,099 (groaning) 393 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:49,936 Homie, you shouldn't be snacking in the middle of the night. 394 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,104 It can't be good for your... 395 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,972 (Marge screams) 396 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,045 This is, without question, 397 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,382 the worst moment of our entire marriage. 398 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,883 -What about... -This is worse. 399 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,385 Opa! 400 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,087 HOMER: Marge, I admit it, this is a rough patch. 401 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,556 But I know when to stop. 402 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,958 And when would that be? When you're just a mouth? 403 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:14,394 You see how she is, Doc? Always negative. 404 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,962 She makes me feel like nothing. 405 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:18,131 You a almost nothing! 406 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,832 Almost nothing. 407 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,569 Homer, have you considered your wife's feelings? 408 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,771 Perhaps she takes this new diet of yours 409 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,406 as a comment on her cooking. 410 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,774 Marge? 411 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,076 I won't deny that's a part of it. 412 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,244 See? Progress. 413 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:32,445 Now, excuse me. 414 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,515 I need to go get famous talking about you. 415 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,984 Homie, I'm afraid this is it. 416 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,988 Your self-destructive behavior has gone too far. 417 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,756 (muffled): But, Marge... 418 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,092 Good-bye, my love. 419 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,195 (sobbing) 420 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,030 Maybe, deep down, that's why I ate myself-- 421 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:53,132 because I hate myself. 422 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,035 MAN: Sounds like someone had a breakthrough. 423 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,638 Hi. I'm famous cooker-upper Mario Batali. 424 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,040 -You mean "chef"? -I don't care for that term. 425 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,043 Well, I know I don't belong in therapy, but why are you? 426 00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:06,179 I got depressed because I ran out 427 00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:08,014 of exciting new ingredients. 428 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,617 Homer, we need to talk. 429 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,452 Could we wok and talk? 430 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,986 Well, sure. 431 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,756 (sighs) 432 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,132 HOMER: My dearest family, I love you so much. 433 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,068 And I think I've found a way to earn your forgiveness. 434 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,870 Please come home. 435 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,872 Come home to flavor. 436 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:43,650 He wanted me to pass on these final words. 437 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,984 "I've failed as a man, 438 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,053 but I have succeeded as an ingredient." 439 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,221 I call the brain! 440 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,691 (sighs): Ah. 441 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,660 He's gone. 442 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:58,030 Well, I guess I can be proud that he succeeded at something. 443 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:00,066 Oh, it's a lot more than something. 444 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:02,869 Homer's the biggest thing in food since free refills. 445 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,103 (slurping) 446 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,072 (to "Hallelujah Chorus"): * Hey, you ate you 447 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:08,275 * You tasted great, you 448 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,343 * Hey, you ate you, hey, you ate you * 449 00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,345 * You cooked and ate you. 450 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,547 How did they get so much meat out of Homer? 451 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:17,784 Well, they mixed in some Barney, Comic Book Guy and horse. 452 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,085 Horse?! 453 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,222 Do you know what it's like to have everyone 454 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,691 eat of your body? 455 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,192 Yeah, like, every Sunday, pal. 456 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,727 (munching) 457 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,630 Uh, you know, you don't get more of those. 458 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:46,846 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 459 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,111 (woman screams) 31145

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