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>> Hey, guys.
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I'm Ed Bassmaster and you may
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have seen me on YouTube.
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The Looney Wheels.
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And that is me.
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>> What are you talking about?
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>> I'm a bush!
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That's me too.
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The crawfish here is amazing
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>> Yeah.
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>> I just ordered it.
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When I see a car like this,
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the first thing I do is, I say,
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would you look at this?
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Yeah all of those guys
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are me.
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>> Ed Bassmaster!
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You're my favorite.
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>> I have almost a billion views
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on the internet and now I'm
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going to take what I do
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to television.
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This is
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"The Ed Bassmaster Show."
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Hey, guess who is running
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security over at the convention
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center today.
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This guy.
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Ah, ow!
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Shampoo in my eye.
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Yeah, roger that.
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When you are finished go ahead
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and copy, okay?
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You guys taking the escalator?
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>> Yes, sir.
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>> This is a DUI checkpoint.
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We are not allowed to let
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anybody ride the escalator that
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is under the influence
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of alcohol.
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>> Oh.
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>> Yeah, it's the new Texas law.
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I'm gonna need you to submit to
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a breathalyzer test before you
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get into the escalator.
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Who's next?
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>> Me.
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>> You guys had any alcohol
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this evening?
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>> Nope.
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>> Want to prove it?
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>> Yup.
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>> You know what to do.
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Good.
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All right, drive safe.
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You smell fine.
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You smell fine.
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You guys with them?
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All right, you're going to have
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to take the elevator.
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>> We'll take the--
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We'll all take the elevator.
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>> You'll all take the elevator?
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State of Texas, we cannot
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allow one to ride mechanical
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device such as this, such as
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an escalator.
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So disregard him, he's--
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The police are waiting for him
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at the top of the steps.
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He's going to jail.
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They're waiting for you
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at the top, sir.
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Trust me on that deal.
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Uh, you just broke it, thanks,
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but anyhow...
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You just be honest with me, sir,
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I'm not gonna--
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>> No, no, no.
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I was in the concert and I had
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a couple of drinks.
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>> And you had a couple?
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You're not getting behind
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the wheel, are you?
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>> No sir.
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>> You have a great night.
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>> You take it easy.
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>> Go drink up, drink as much
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as you want.
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Sir, this is a DUI checkpoint..
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>> Oh, no, man.
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Ya'll playing.
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(laughter)
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**
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(farting)
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(farting, chuckling)
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(farting)
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>> You, too.
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Come here.
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(farting, laughing)
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(farting)
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(farting)
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Here you go, puppy.
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(farting)
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Huh?
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It's okay.
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>> Huh?
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>> It's not real. (farting)
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It's not real. (farting)
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See, it's okay.
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(farting)
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Brett Sellars out here
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in the park, folks.
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We just got word in,
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a shocking story going on
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right now in the park.
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There's a guy going around
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the park actually farting
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on dogs
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and he farted
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on this guy's dog and his dog
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has not moved since in the last
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20 minutes.
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Could you kind of just go--
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Could you kind of just go with
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it and say you just witnessed it
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for us?
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>> Okay.
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>> Thank you.
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Brett Sellars here.
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We just stopped one of the eye
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witnesses of the dog
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farting attack.
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Uh, what happened, pal?
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>> It was horrible.
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I think I am going to have
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nightmares for the rest of
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my life.
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>> Could you--
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Could you explain to us
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what happened?
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And try to make it
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sound real if you can.
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>> Yeah.
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I was walking alone with my
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dogs, minding my own business,
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and all of a sudden this dude
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stop and lean over,
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bend over like squat,
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and farted on the dog's nose.
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The poor dog was just frozen
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there and I was just, like,
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protecting my dog, like, please
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don't do that to my child.
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>> Could you tell us what he
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looked like?
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>> He was bald, very scary,
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with tattoos.
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Fat.
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>> Fat?
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>> Yeah.
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>> So he probably had a Mexican
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lunch and just letting it loose
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on the dogs.
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Anyhow, so then what
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happened next?
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>> Well, the dog just started
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shivering and shaking and he
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was just paralyzed.
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And then he--
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He just saw me with my dogs
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and and run towards me and I was
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just pushing him and tried to
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get him out of my way, but--but
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he was just so fat and big and
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he would try to steal my dog and
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I was just, like, please stop.
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>> So it this your revenge
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for the fart?
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Thank you, Rob, we appreciate
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your time.
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>> So where do you keep home?
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>> Well, home is where
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the heart is.
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Right now it's in
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Brentwood, Tennessee.
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>> I'm gonna put you on.
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>> You're gonna put--
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>> I'm gonna put you on,
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I'm gonna make you a star.
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I'm gonna make you a star.
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>> Boy, I wish somebody would.
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>> I'm gonna help you out.
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>> I've been--
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For 60 years, I've been trying
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to do that.
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>> You can try and do it, well,
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guess what?
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It's your time to shine,
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young man.
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>> My time.
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Hot diggity-dog.
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>> Hot diggity-doo.
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>> How's it going?
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>> It jubbles.
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>> Every day?
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>> It doubles and mubbles, yeah.
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>> Mumbles, huh?
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>> Yeah.
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>> Well--
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>> Do you do a double-double?
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>> Well, it's time for
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the paw-paws to pop,
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the eavesdrop to drop,
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the katydids to whistle in
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the old tree top
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and the old cow get up
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and gently walk away
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and Bartledoo here,
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I don't know what we're gonna do
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with him.
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But doodle-doo-doo, whatever he
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wants to do, we'll do.
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>> Bartledoo.
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No pet too small!
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Are you tired of having your pet
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turned away from veterinarians
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because they don't size up?
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I'm Dr. Verne
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and I believe all pets
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deserve proper medical care,
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no matter how small they are.
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Here at our state-of-the-art
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animal care facility,
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we are equipped to treat
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the smallest of pets,
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because even mealworms
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get heartworm.
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Bring in your grasshopper and
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I'll give him the vaccination
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shots it needs.
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Snail with a broken shell?
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We can fix that.
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I specialize in resetting broken
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ant legs.
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Treating your pocket-sized pet
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will cost you just
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pocket change.
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No pet too small.
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Somebody get me a defibrillator
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and 50 milliliters of adrenal!
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Clear!
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(paddles zap, cricket chirping)
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**
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Dr. Verne here.
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Animal lover and veterinarian
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and today we are
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going to be interviewing
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new assistants.
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Let's go save some lives.
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>> I don't have any
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hands-on experience.
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>> That's fine, listen...
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That's right.
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Right here, right here.
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>> I already like you.
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>> You know what I mean?
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It don't matter.
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Hey.
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Howdy, howdy, howdy.
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Set him up here.
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>> Her name is Petunia.
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We're having a problem with
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fleas, a lot of irritation.
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>> Fleas?
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>> Hi, Petunia.
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>> Petunia, Petunia.
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>> Petunia, come here.
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>> Let me see.
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>> Lift Petunia up and swing her
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down here to me.
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Yeah, you can smell it.
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Yeah, this thing is coated.
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You might want to back off hon'.
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He's got some eggs all over him.
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>> Okay, all right.
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>> So what's going on
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with Snowball?
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>> He's been real
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lethargic lately.
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Just not wanting to move
292
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,300
around much.
293
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,130
>> Turn around and get him out
294
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:27,733
for me.
295
00:06:27,733 --> 00:06:28,873
If you wouldn't mind, just,
296
00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:30,397
could we just get snowball up on
297
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,330
Matthew's shoulders so I--
298
00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,573
it might be easier for me to
299
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:33,697
examine him that way.
300
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:34,370
How is he doing with
301
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,527
his walking?
302
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:36,673
>> He don't want to anymore.
303
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:37,967
>> So you're not walking him?
304
00:06:37,967 --> 00:06:39,127
>> No, not really getting
305
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:39,803
a chance to.
306
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,230
>> That might be the problem.
307
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:43,303
I think what we need to do
308
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:44,370
is get him fitted with a leash.
309
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:46,497
>> Okay.
310
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:47,600
>> Yeah.
311
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,470
There we go.
312
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:49,567
Right over here, guys.
313
00:06:49,567 --> 00:06:50,597
Come over here, Matthew, on this
314
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,900
side if you wouldn't mind.
315
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:52,870
Tell the snake to heel,
316
00:06:52,867 --> 00:06:53,697
just like a dog.
317
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,170
>> Heel.
318
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:56,567
Heel.
319
00:06:56,567 --> 00:06:59,097
>> Heel, damn it.
320
00:06:59,100 --> 00:06:59,770
>> Hello, Mike.
321
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:00,497
Come on in.
322
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:01,170
>> Hi.
323
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:02,297
>> Hi.
324
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:03,830
>> Michael has hip dysplasia.
325
00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:04,533
Are you familiar with
326
00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:05,173
hip dysplasia?
327
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:06,767
>> In a dog, yeah.
328
00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:07,427
>> Right, right.
329
00:07:07,433 --> 00:07:08,273
Well, humans can get it, too.
330
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:09,267
And you seen them
331
00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:09,967
doggy wheelchairs?
332
00:07:09,967 --> 00:07:11,097
>> Yeah.
333
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,070
>> We designed one for Michael.
334
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:13,667
We're gonna get you
335
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:14,727
set up today.
336
00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:15,433
>> Thank you.
337
00:07:15,433 --> 00:07:16,333
>> All right.
338
00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,233
Kara, that's Michael's
339
00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,233
device right there,
340
00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:18,903
the green one.
341
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:19,730
If you can grab that and bring
342
00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:20,433
that out for us, Kara.
343
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:22,133
Michael, step around the back.
344
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:23,073
Just get him strapped
345
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,167
in there, please.
346
00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:24,827
>> All right.
347
00:07:24,833 --> 00:07:25,503
>> Kara.
348
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:26,330
Talk to him like a puppy.
349
00:07:26,333 --> 00:07:27,203
It's--
350
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,300
We've been doing it for years.
351
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,730
Good boy, good boy.
352
00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:31,103
>> Good boy.
353
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,270
>> Try it out.
354
00:07:32,267 --> 00:07:33,597
>> Gosh.
355
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,970
(Michael chuckling)
356
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:37,727
>> Now there--
357
00:07:37,733 --> 00:07:38,403
That's beauty.
358
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:39,400
Go ahead up front, Michael.
359
00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:46,367
I gotta let you know, uh...
360
00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:47,097
We're shooting a hidden
361
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,070
camera show.
362
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,367
>> Oh, no!
363
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,827
My gosh, I knew it, I knew it!
364
00:07:51,833 --> 00:07:54,173
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
365
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:55,167
Oh!
366
00:07:57,900 --> 00:07:58,930
(growling)
367
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,097
>> Zombie Drive thru prank.
368
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,100
Let's go.
369
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:08,900
>> Oh, my God.
370
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,100
>> How you doing, boss?
371
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,270
(growling)
372
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:12,097
>> Oh, my God.
373
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,070
>> How you doing?
374
00:08:13,067 --> 00:08:14,097
>> Oh, my God.
375
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:14,800
You scared the (bleep)
376
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,430
out of me.
377
00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:16,103
>> Welcome to Mo's.
378
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:16,770
What's up, man?
379
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:17,867
Thanks, man.
380
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:21,867
Red cup.
381
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:22,567
What's going on, guys?
382
00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:23,297
Alcohol?
383
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:23,970
>> No.
384
00:08:23,967 --> 00:08:24,697
>> No?
385
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:25,370
Tobacco?
386
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:26,067
You guys drinking?
387
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:27,067
>> We're waiting for our ticket.
388
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:28,167
>> You're waiting for a ticket?
389
00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:28,927
You haven't had any booze?
390
00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:29,573
>> Not really.
391
00:08:29,567 --> 00:08:30,397
>> Do you guys have any booze
392
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:30,900
on you?
393
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:31,570
>> No, sir.
394
00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:32,327
>> I'm trying to get some.
395
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,073
You don't have any?
396
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:33,567
>> No.
397
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:34,227
>> Okay.
398
00:08:34,233 --> 00:08:35,073
You guys have any weed on you,
399
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:36,067
by any chance?
400
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,270
Okay, all right.
401
00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:42,167
Yeah, copy that.
402
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:43,197
I'm coming down
403
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,570
and I'm coming down hard.
404
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:45,327
You got your credentials?
405
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:46,303
I'm just checking up.
406
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:47,200
Good, good.
407
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,430
Any problems over here?
408
00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:49,973
No problems?
409
00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:50,627
For the (bleeps)
410
00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:51,573
that want to drink alcohol,
411
00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:52,627
I'm giving a breathalyzer to.
412
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,670
Yeah, there you go.
413
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:59,067
Yeah, I'll take one, actually.
414
00:08:59,067 --> 00:08:59,697
(chuckles)
415
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:02,930
Thanks, buddy.
416
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:03,903
There you go, boss.
417
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,100
All right, thanks.
418
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:09,833
**
419
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,330
Did you need something?
420
00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:22,373
>> I'm waiting for my wife to
421
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,327
get out of the ladies room.
422
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,473
>> Gotcha.
423
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:27,767
You guys had any alcohol?
424
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:28,427
>> What's that?
425
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:29,233
>> Have you had any alcohol
426
00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:30,073
this evening?
427
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:30,667
All right, well,
428
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:31,397
this is DUI checkpoint.
429
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:32,270
If you flee the scene I'm going
430
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:32,827
to have to--
431
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:33,633
>> Okay.
432
00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:34,673
>> You're fleeing the scene?
433
00:09:34,667 --> 00:09:36,267
Okay, great.
434
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:38,527
I got one fleeing the scene.
435
00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:39,633
I got one fleeing the scene,
436
00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:40,973
he didn't submit.
437
00:09:40,967 --> 00:09:42,067
You down there?
438
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:43,327
Hey!
439
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,173
He's waiting for you.
440
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,530
**
441
00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:48,303
>> Hey, guys, Emilio here
442
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,800
and today I am interviewing wait
443
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,130
staff for the new restaurant,
444
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:51,933
Wood Peckerz.
445
00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:52,703
Would you just look at it?
446
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:53,630
(laughs)
447
00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:57,797
How are you? Emilio.
448
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:58,470
>> Good.
449
00:09:58,467 --> 00:09:59,127
>> Nice to meet you.
450
00:09:59,133 --> 00:09:59,803
>> Good, you too.
451
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:00,830
>> Welcome to Wood Peckerz.
452
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,433
We hire out male staff and we
453
00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:03,673
like to have fun and let loose
454
00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:04,567
here, if you know what I mean.
455
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:05,497
>> Okay.
456
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,500
>> So, think of it as, like,
457
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,670
objectifying men instead women.
458
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:10,427
You know what I mean?
459
00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:11,633
You know, why can't we make some
460
00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:12,403
money out of getting our
461
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,070
asses grabbed?
462
00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:13,897
(laughs) You know what I mean,
463
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:14,400
you know?
464
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,070
>> Right.
465
00:10:15,067 --> 00:10:15,897
>> You know, we do our little
466
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,030
routine every 20 minutes.
467
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,003
>> All right.
468
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:18,970
>> Where we just play music like
469
00:10:18,967 --> 00:10:19,797
out of our PA and it's great
470
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:20,470
for tips.
471
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:21,127
>> Yes, it is.
472
00:10:21,133 --> 00:10:21,873
>> And that all depends
473
00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:23,397
on your performance. (laughs)
474
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,800
>> I love your laugh.
475
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,300
>> Thanks.
476
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:27,270
Would you mind getting changed
477
00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:28,867
into one of our uniforms?
478
00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:29,667
And then we'll just do some
479
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:30,467
role playing?
480
00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,267
>> Okay.
481
00:10:32,267 --> 00:10:32,927
>> Look at that.
482
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:33,773
All right!
483
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,567
There you go.
484
00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:37,367
When the music drops, you drop
485
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:38,127
what you are doing and you
486
00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:39,003
do your routine.
487
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,370
Every 20 minutes, this is what's
488
00:10:40,367 --> 00:10:41,397
gonna go on.
489
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,400
(dance music playing)
490
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:46,767
And it's the...
491
00:10:54,967 --> 00:10:55,627
That's the signature
492
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:57,033
woodpecker move.
493
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:57,973
Wood Peckerz.
494
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,330
You nailed it! (laughs)
495
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:11,073
We need to let
496
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,067
you know something.
497
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,067
>> Yeah, this is some kind
498
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,067
of joke.
499
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:16,067
>> Yeah, yeah.
500
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:18,727
(laughter)
501
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:20,897
>> And you were awesome.
502
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:24,670
Welcome to Nashville.
503
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:25,667
Let's go scare some people,
504
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:26,567
come on.
505
00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:28,927
**
506
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:30,873
(grunting)
507
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,500
(Ed barks)
508
00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:45,103
>> Oh (bleep)!
509
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,870
>> I...
510
00:11:47,867 --> 00:11:49,367
I am!
511
00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:50,297
Sorry about that.
512
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,200
I didn't want him to pee on--
513
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,070
I didn't want him to pee on me,
514
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:53,167
that's all.
515
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:56,167
(dog and Ed barking)
516
00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:57,567
I'm a bush, buddy.
517
00:11:57,567 --> 00:11:59,367
(bleeps)
518
00:12:01,733 --> 00:12:03,073
(startled shout, laughter)
519
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,933
I got him! (laughing)
520
00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:08,933
I got your brother!
521
00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:12,633
(Ed barking)
522
00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:13,303
It's me, I'm a bush.
523
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,570
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey!
524
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,467
I don't want no trouble,
525
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:16,497
I don't want no trouble.
526
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,630
(chatter)
527
00:12:18,633 --> 00:12:19,433
(sneezes)
528
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,073
(women screaming)
529
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:28,803
Yo, this is Ronny!
530
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:29,470
I'm going to do
531
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:30,667
some landscaping.
532
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:31,667
Come on, over to the golf course
533
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,227
with me, y'all.
534
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,530
(leaf blower blowing)
535
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:44,867
Just so you guys can see
536
00:12:44,867 --> 00:12:45,867
the ball, you know what I mean?
537
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:51,397
I'll help you.
538
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,200
Team effort.
539
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,130
Team effort, right?
540
00:12:53,133 --> 00:12:54,503
>> There you go.
541
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,370
>> You guys have a good one.
542
00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:56,967
All right.
543
00:13:03,067 --> 00:13:04,297
There you go-- Oh!
544
00:13:14,533 --> 00:13:15,703
Yeah!
545
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,530
Yeah!
546
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:17,673
Yeah, you see that?
547
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:18,697
>> Got a birdie.
548
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:21,830
(distant laughter)
549
00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:23,103
>> Can you take off the shades?
550
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,470
>> Yeah, what's up?
551
00:13:24,467 --> 00:13:25,467
>> You're Ed Bassmaster,
552
00:13:25,467 --> 00:13:26,127
aren't you?
553
00:13:26,133 --> 00:13:27,333
Holy (bleep).
554
00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:28,203
All right, wait-wait.
555
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,230
Mm.
556
00:13:30,233 --> 00:13:30,933
I'm your biggest fan.
557
00:13:30,933 --> 00:13:31,573
>> Yeah?
558
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:32,227
All right, dog.
559
00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:33,073
>> That's my hero.
560
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:33,967
>> Hey.
561
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:34,627
Yo, this your boy
562
00:13:34,633 --> 00:13:36,073
always Teste.
563
00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:37,267
And today I just a got a new job
564
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:38,567
riding one of those jones called
565
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,197
a Pedicab.
566
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,270
I'm gonna be picking people up
567
00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:43,667
and take 'em to my pawn shop,
568
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:45,097
so let's go.
569
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,930
I was born to ride.
570
00:13:46,933 --> 00:13:47,673
Hold on, 'cause y'all in
571
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:48,667
for a ride. (laughs)
572
00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:52,433
All right, here we go,
573
00:13:52,433 --> 00:13:54,333
here we go.
574
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:55,103
>> How long have you been
575
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:55,870
in Nashville?
576
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:56,867
>> About eight days.
577
00:13:56,867 --> 00:13:57,667
>> Eight days?
578
00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:59,797
>> Yeah, I just moved out here.
579
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:00,900
Now I'm just chilling, man.
580
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:01,930
I take my time.
581
00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:02,773
(police sirens wailing)
582
00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:03,867
Watch out for them cops.
583
00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:05,067
Where'd they go?
584
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,067
Yeah, so I do a side job--
585
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:06,727
I do--
586
00:14:06,733 --> 00:14:08,103
I got a pawn shop on the side.
587
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:08,900
>> A pawn shop?
588
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:09,900
>> Yeah.
589
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:10,670
That's why I get a little
590
00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:11,827
nervous when I see them lights.
591
00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:13,073
(laughs)
592
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:13,927
When customers leave stuff
593
00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,273
behind, I just put it in
594
00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:16,097
that bag.
595
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,230
Can you grab that?
596
00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:17,903
Yeah, check it out.
597
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:18,970
>> Nah, that's all right.
598
00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:19,897
>> Hand me that bag, dog.
599
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:20,570
Please.
600
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:21,227
>> I ain't touching
601
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:21,903
that bag, man.
602
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:22,570
>> You ain't--
603
00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:23,627
You scared of the bag?
604
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:24,373
>> Hell yeah, I'm scared
605
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:26,227
of the bag. (laughing)
606
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:27,473
>> Dude left a pair of Raybans
607
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,527
on here.
608
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:30,933
This I know ain't real, but it
609
00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:32,073
still look tight.
610
00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:33,327
I like that.
611
00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:34,403
>> Let's bounce.
612
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,170
>> Yo, my man, you want to
613
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:35,727
get anything?
614
00:14:35,733 --> 00:14:36,403
>> No, I'm good.
615
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,070
>> You sure?
616
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,627
>> Yeah, I'm good.
617
00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:39,603
>> Ring for your girl?
618
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,370
>> Nope, good.
619
00:14:40,367 --> 00:14:41,067
Ready? Ready?
620
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:41,697
>> Yeah.
621
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:42,430
>> All right, let's go.
622
00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:43,073
>> Y'all gotta go?
623
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:43,797
>> Yep, we're out.
624
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,470
>> Oh.
625
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,197
You sure you don't want
626
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:45,800
a ride back?
627
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,070
>> We're sure.
628
00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:47,897
>> You don't want to partner up
629
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:49,130
and see if we can get rid of
630
00:14:49,133 --> 00:14:51,073
this stuff?
631
00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:52,197
Will you at least--
632
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,270
Will you at least sign to be in
633
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,967
"The Ed Bassmaster Show"?
634
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:55,827
Yo, what's up man?
635
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:58,303
>> I knew it, I knew it.
636
00:14:58,300 --> 00:14:59,170
>> You guys can get a ride back.
637
00:14:59,167 --> 00:14:59,797
None of this stuff
638
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:00,470
is stolen, dude.
639
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,167
It's for my new show.
640
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:01,767
>> Yeah, I know.
641
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:02,627
I figured, I figured, I figured,
642
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:03,203
I figured.
643
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:03,870
>> Yeah.
644
00:15:03,867 --> 00:15:05,067
>> Just in case though.
645
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:05,667
>> I know, you--
646
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:06,327
>> Just in case.
647
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,173
>> It started getting a little
648
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,067
sketchy, he's like, let's go,
649
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:08,897
we're out of here.
650
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:14,167
Whoa, whoa, whoa, partner.
651
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:15,297
(mumbling incoherently)
652
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:16,400
>> What's that?
653
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,970
(Ed mumbling incoherently)
654
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:19,227
>> Hey.
655
00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:20,073
Crab on stink?
656
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:21,167
Bartledoo.
657
00:15:21,167 --> 00:15:21,967
>> What?
658
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:22,627
>> Bartledoo.
659
00:15:22,633 --> 00:15:25,103
(mumbling incoherently)
660
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:27,970
Right here.
661
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:29,067
Come on over.
662
00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:30,967
(mumbling incoherently)
663
00:15:30,967 --> 00:15:31,627
(laughing)
664
00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:32,773
No, I got to write you
665
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,397
a citation.
666
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,900
That shirt is too bright.
667
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,070
Make me fly off my horse.
668
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,267
Hey!
669
00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:40,267
Slow down.
670
00:15:40,267 --> 00:15:43,627
(mumbling incoherently)
671
00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:44,603
>> Yeah.
672
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,570
>> (mumbling incoherently)
673
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,427
Flip flops?
674
00:15:47,433 --> 00:15:49,673
You could hurt your toes.
675
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:50,427
>> Um, it depends the way
676
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,533
you run.
677
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,373
(mumbling incoherently)
678
00:15:53,367 --> 00:15:54,667
How many?
679
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:55,397
>> How many lace up over
680
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,670
your toes?
681
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:58,827
(horse whinnying)
682
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,203
Not you, I'm talking to him.
683
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,530
And I'ma write you up
684
00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:04,073
for $5,000.
685
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:05,930
Yeah.
686
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:06,973
Yeah, that's a bright shirt,
687
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:07,627
I gotta do it.
688
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,773
That's right, who's in charge
689
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:09,697
here now, poop?
690
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:10,370
Give me the scoop.
691
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:11,367
Oh, wait, can you pull my--
692
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:13,067
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
693
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:14,067
Get--
694
00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:14,797
Go ahead, go.
695
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:15,800
Hyah!
696
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,070
(mumbling incoherently)
697
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,103
Bret Sellars here, folks.
698
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,070
Okay, so we are live here in
699
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,497
the park, folks.
700
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,070
There is, believe it or not,
701
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,397
a sick individual going around
702
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,070
farting on dogs, yeah.
703
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:39,500
There's a guy going around
704
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:40,530
apparently farting on dogs.
705
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,133
The problem is that the three
706
00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:43,573
victims and their dogs have
707
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:44,927
since left the park.
708
00:16:44,933 --> 00:16:45,933
I can't go back to the news room
709
00:16:45,933 --> 00:16:46,603
without a story.
710
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,530
So if maybe if you could,
711
00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:51,073
I don't know, sort of say, like,
712
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:52,197
you witnessed the attack
713
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,430
of this man.
714
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,200
Brett Sellars here, we're on the
715
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,330
scene with Tony who, in fact,
716
00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:57,533
just witnessed the farting on
717
00:16:57,533 --> 00:16:58,433
dogs incident.
718
00:16:58,433 --> 00:16:59,173
Tony, how are you today?
719
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:00,127
>> I'm doing great, thanks.
720
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:02,073
Okay, thanks for giving us your
721
00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:02,967
account on the story,
722
00:17:02,967 --> 00:17:03,727
if you could.
723
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:04,403
>> Yeah, certainly.
724
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,600
I was out here walking a couple
725
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,900
of my dogs and there was this
726
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,200
dude over here, he was bald,
727
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,470
tattoos, big brolic guy,
728
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:10,367
and I'm like--
729
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:11,297
I just noticed he was getting
730
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:12,070
a little too friendly
731
00:17:12,067 --> 00:17:12,827
with the dogs, he was petting,
732
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:13,703
but then he turned around
733
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,400
and squats,
734
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,930
I'm like, I s he taking a deuce
735
00:17:15,933 --> 00:17:16,603
or something?
736
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,430
This guy was actually farting
737
00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:18,103
on dogs.
738
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:20,170
I'm like, what are you doing?
739
00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:20,967
I go over to him, I ask him.
740
00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:22,627
I'm like, uh, dude,
741
00:17:22,633 --> 00:17:23,803
what's going on here?
742
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:24,670
He's like, oh, the dog just
743
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:25,527
wanted to sniff my butt.
744
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:26,303
It's like, that--
745
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:27,130
That's not what people do with
746
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:27,833
dogs and stuff.
747
00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:28,703
I'm like, you know, it's a dog.
748
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:29,670
Dogs sniff each other's butts.
749
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,097
That's gross.
750
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:31,830
>> So you were pretty--
751
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:32,503
Yeah.
752
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:33,300
>> He didn't think there was
753
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,130
anything wrong with it at all.
754
00:17:34,133 --> 00:17:34,773
He thought it was
755
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:36,327
perfectly fine.
756
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:38,073
It's ridiculous, quite frankly.
757
00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:40,497
>> Preposterous.
758
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,330
Was there a smell?
759
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,173
>> There was quite a bit of an
760
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:43,697
odor to it.
761
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:44,470
I mean, I was kind of
762
00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:45,567
sickened myself.
763
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:46,497
The dogs didn't seem to mind too
764
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,670
much, but you know.
765
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,627
>> Is there anything else you
766
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:51,073
would like to add to the story?
767
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:51,927
>> Just watch out for guys
768
00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:52,733
farting on your dogs.
769
00:17:52,733 --> 00:17:53,403
It's not cool.
770
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,770
(steam hissing)
771
00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:09,373
(lips smacking)
772
00:18:24,833 --> 00:18:27,803
>> Hi.
773
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:28,470
Hey, guys.
774
00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:29,327
Bushman here.
775
00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:30,703
Say hi, guys.
776
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:31,970
(chuckles)
777
00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:32,927
Hey.
778
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:33,603
Hey, don't do that.
779
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,270
Go sit down.
780
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:37,797
How you doing, boss?
781
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:38,470
>> It's the bushman.
782
00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:39,497
>> Hey, man, question for you.
783
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:40,370
What's the best fertilizer
784
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:41,227
you guys got?
785
00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:42,233
Like, as you can see
786
00:18:42,233 --> 00:18:43,273
I'm a little underweight here.
787
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,627
Ahh.
788
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,470
Stay hydrated, my friends.
789
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,127
Hello.
790
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:55,873
>> Oh!
791
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:56,867
>> How are you?
792
00:18:56,867 --> 00:18:57,897
>> Oh, my God.
793
00:18:57,900 --> 00:18:58,570
>> I'm right here.
794
00:18:58,567 --> 00:18:59,567
I'm a bush.
795
00:18:59,567 --> 00:19:00,367
>> Scared the crap out--
796
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:02,697
>> Oh, sorry about that.
797
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:03,370
Hey.
798
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:04,267
Guess what kind of bush I am?
799
00:19:04,267 --> 00:19:06,367
>> A... ficus.
800
00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:07,067
>> Good.
801
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:07,697
Good call.
802
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:08,370
High five.
803
00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:09,067
All right, dude.
804
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:09,967
Have a good one.
805
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:10,927
(cell phone ringing)
806
00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:12,933
Hey.
807
00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:15,373
Nothing, I'm at work.
808
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:16,497
No, I'm going home, dude.
809
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,200
I'm bushed.
810
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,070
All right, bud.
811
00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:20,967
Later.
812
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:24,067
**
813
00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:33,773
>> Reporting a story
814
00:19:33,767 --> 00:19:36,127
in the park.
815
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,233
Uh, on a man whose dog had
816
00:19:38,233 --> 00:19:40,073
apparently been farted upon
817
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,667
by a sick, twisted individual
818
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:42,667
who was roaming around the park,
819
00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:44,697
farting on dogs, believe it
820
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:45,600
or not.
821
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,900
And the story got me worked up
822
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:48,170
and emotional to a point where
823
00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:49,227
I actually had diarrhea
824
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:50,503
in my pants while
825
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,270
recording--reporting live.
826
00:19:52,267 --> 00:19:53,167
Very embarrassing.
827
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,097
I was in the middle of the park.
828
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:55,430
I was wearing my--
829
00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:56,733
You know, my light khakis.
830
00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:57,433
That was a pretty good
831
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:58,403
story, right?
832
00:19:58,453 --> 00:20:03,003
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