Original subtitles

>> Hey, guys.

I'm Ed Bassmaster, and you may

have seen me on YouTube.

The loony wheels.

And that is me.

>> What are you talking about?

>> I'm a bush!

That's me too.

The crawfish here is amazing.

>> Yeah.

>> I just ordered it.

When I see a car like this,

first thing I do is I say

"Would you look at this?"

Yeah, all of those guys are me.

>> Ed Bassmaster, you're my

favorite.

>> I have almost a billion views

on the Internet, and now I'm

going to take what I do to

television.

Hold the note up too.

Ow!

This is "The Ed Bassmaster

Show."

>> What is...

What is my crystal ball telling

me?

Oh, it doesn't talk.

Just kidding.

That was a-- That was a joke.

**

Fortunes by Skippy.

Get your fortune told, sir,

for free.

I'm Skippy.

Don't skip me.

Come get your fortune read for

free.

Would you like your fortune

read?

>> (bleep), yeah.

**

Don't be mislead.

Get your fortune read.

Oh, no.

I do not like what I see.

I see a lot of fingerprints on

it.

I'm gonna have to get some paper

towels and wipe it off before I

can start.

Take off your sunglasses please.

You two look into each other's

eyes.

No laughter.

I'm trying to read your aura.

Back at me.

What was that?

What did you say?

The last thing you said, what

was that?

>> Who, me?

>> No, no, I'm talking to the

crystal ball.

Sorry.

Hold each other's hands for one

second.

Tell each other "You are my

friend for life."

>> You are my friend for life.

>> This is getting just a little

bit weird.

Let go of hands.

>> Yeah, yeah.

>> Do you see anything in my

future that you can share with

me?

>> You're gonna eat a hot dog in

the next 24 hours.

>> Wow, you should work here.

>> (laughing)

>> I'm gonna go get that hot

dog.

Would you like to join me for

one?

>> Sure.

>> Thank you. Let's go.

We're closed for now.

We'll be back in about 20.

Huh.

(static)

Brett Sellars here.

We're live in the park, looking

for my biggest fan.

Brett Sellars here.

How are ya, pal?

Good to see you.

You guys got a minute?

Are you in a rush?

We're trying to find my biggest

fan.

If you wanna just bull(bleep)

and go along with it, just make

pretend you spotted me maybe,

that would be great.

We are rolling live in three,

two, and one.

Brett Sellars here.

We're in the park today, folks.

I got to tell you--

>> Brett Sellars? No way.

>> Yes, it is. It is me.

>> Nice to meet you.

>> Nice to meet you.

How long have you been watching

Brett Sellars?

>> Two years, two years,

two and a half years.

>> Nice, nice.

>> Dedicated fan, you know.

>> I appreciate that.

What do you admire about Brett

Sellars?

You can-- You can talk about--

>> What do I admire? Hmm.

You're interesting.

You're funny.

You-- You just go at it.

You just don't care.

>> No-holds-barred type of

attitude.

>> No, that's it, that's it.

>> Yeah.

>> Incredible always.

>> That's right, folks,

you heard it here.

That's a wrap.

>> Perfect.

(beeping)

>> Hey, if you're looking to get

in shape, then look no further.

I'm Emilio, and I've got just

the workout for you.

Ready?

On your marks, get set, and go.

Okay, let's get this party

started, girls.

At Emilio's Fitness Zone, I show

elderlies how to take everyday

activities and turn them into

exercise!

Would you look at that?

That's right.

What you look at as an everyday

activity, I look at as a way of

getting fit.

Oh, would you look at that?

I'm getting fit.

Open up a can of cat food.

(cat meowing)

Open up a can of cat food.

Open up a can of cat food.

Get off the counter.

That's Emilio's Fitness Zone,

125 Liberty Drive, right next to

The Pancake Shack.

Off my lawn! Hey!

Off my lawn!

Off my lawn!

Call the cops!

>> 911!

>> Call the cops!

>> 911!

>> Get off my lawn!

So, if you're looking to change

your lifestyle, then come on

down to Emilio's Fitness Zone

and sign up for a class today.

Oh, would you look at that?

I'm getting out of breath.

Would you look at that?

>> Would you look at that?

>> Would you look at that?

>> Would you look at that?

>> Would you look at that?

Would you look at that?

**

Oh, gosh.

Please, somebody give me a hand.

I got a package I can't open

because I can't pull it with my

hands, and I just need somebody

to help me.

If you-- Please.

You look strong.

Today's my birthday, and this is

from my mother.

It's probably my birthday

present.

>> Can I get it?

Okay, um...

>> Can you just...

>> Yeah, I can--

>> Just try to pull that tape.

>> Yeah, I'll do it.

>> Oh, what the heck?

>> Okay.

>> Are you kidding me?

>> Sorry.

>> Oh, well, you got to pick

these up now.

>> I can't pick them up.

>> Oh, please. No.

>> All right...

>> Sorry. Thank you.

**

>> * My man with *

* The fishing hat *

* He's always wishing that *

* He could get on the fishing *

* Show with Skippy like that *

* But he can't *

* Honk, honk *

* And we chilling in the park *

* Having a good time *

* No doubt 'til dark *

* We do it *

* We drop the rhymes *

* We drop the beats too *

* I do it for free *

* How about you *

>> That was actually a pretty

good riff, man.

>> Oh, thanks, man.

I didn't even see y'all there.

You-- You beatbox?

If you beatbox, I can really

drop it.

>> No, I'm, uh--

>> What's your name, honey girl?

>> Oh, Billie Anna.

>> * Billie Anna make me wanna *

* Throw these beats down *

* And get up on her *

* Oh, in the sauna *

* Aw, yeah *

What's your name, girl?

>> Hanna.

>> Hanna.

* Listen up, Hanna *

* Don't make me slip *

* On that banana *

* When I fall for you, girl *

* You dropping bombs *

* Like that for real *

* I'm rocking the flannel *

Y'all have a good day.

>> All right, take it easy.

>> All right, man.

>> Have a great day.

>> All right, you too.

* That's right *

* My man's running *

* He's smooth gunning *

* He's losing weight *

* And he's great *

* He's looking good *

* Even though he's gray *

*He's the man, that's right *

He going too fast.

>> Hey, Dr. Verne here with my

lovely assistant Margaret,

and I got a bad back.

I just hope I don't lose my

patients.

(chuckling)

It was a joke.

>> Hey, you here for the free

teeth whitening?

>> Yes.

>> Yeah. You can come back.

I'm Margaret.

You can have a seat.

He'll be right with you.

Just a second.

>> What's up, son?

(laughter)

What's good?

Never mind me, dawg.

I'm, uh, two steps to the shade

of the wind if you know what I

mean.

(chuckling)

No, I got a bad back, man.

**

In between patients, I got to

lay flat.

I'm all good, though.

Raise your right hand.

Put your left hand on the book.

Do you swear to tell the tooth,

the whole tooth, and nothing but

the tooth?

>> (chuckling)

>> I'm the best there is at

teeth whitening.

>> Okay.

>> Three years in a row,

Nashville dentist of the year.

>> Oh.

>> Yeah.

They gave me a little plaque.

>> Where is it?

>> No, no, they gave me a little

plaque.

That's the joke.

>> Oh, I get it.

>> It's a dental joke, man.

Come on, man.

That one's over your head,

right?

>> And you got rid of it.

>> How's that one?

You like it?

>> It's good.

>> It's a good one.

Aah!

Ow.

Me reaching down to you at that

level.

>> It's not gonna work.

>> This chair is all jacked up.

You know what?

I got an idea.

Let's relocate.

Follow me, Josh.

>> All right.

>> Hop up on here.

If I lay flat underneath you,

it'll be a lot easier, I think.

Oh... man.

All right, I'm just gonna polish

you up a little bit.

You hold this for me.

Hold that steady.

All right.

Bring-- Bring your toothbrush.

>> Okay, okay.

>> Get it on there.

>> No.

>> Is it on there? I can't see.

>> There-- That's a lot.

Oh! Oh, God.

>> Is that in my hair?

>> Uh... no.

>> All right, here we are.

A mechanic working on his car.

Oh, we'll clean that off, too,

while we're here.

>> (chuckling)

>> Can I get a white bowl for

Josh to spit in?

>> You need to rinse.

>> All right, rinse and spit

away.

Just right here.

Aim for the bull's-eye.

Go for it, pal.

>> All right.

>> Hey! Ow!

Take a big ol'--

Don't swallow it.

Swish.

Spit it right in the bucket.

Right in the bucket.

There you go.

Go ahead.

Yo, fool.

All right, that's it.

Gig's up.

I can't do it.

Pull the table, somebody.

>> Let me. I got it.

>> You ever see those stupid

prank shows, and they "Oh, I got

you," and the have cameras come

in and "Oh, we got you.

We were pulling a prank on ya."

You know what I'm talk--

It's something like this, like

if I were to open this door and

say "Oh, there's a crew in here

filming."

(laughter)

You were awesome, man.

Thank you.

It's for real, man.

>> Oh, man!

>> Thanks for a waterfall, man.

>> You're totally welcome.

>> Good work, man.

>> Thanks.

>> Good work.

**

>> Oh, would you look at that?

Just look at her go.

Look at it.

Unbelievable.

That was awesome.

**

Good evening, folks.

Brett Sellars here live from the

CMT Music Awards in Nashville,

Tennessee.

We've had about 20 or 30 stars

come in.

None of them have stopped by

yet.

Waiting for that star, that

magic moment.

You can hear that.

Everybody is aware that Brett

Sellars is here, and they are

waiting for him.

Brett Sellars here with a

beautiful girl in the

background.

I'm probably not gonna get this

interview, so we'll just make

pretend.

We're waiting for the new single

to come out.

Very excited.

I am here with JT.

JT, thanks for stopping by.

Could we get a quick interview?

>> He's coming.

>> Oh, you're not JT?

>> I'm not JT.

>> Oh, I thought you were JT.

>> No, no, no, I'm his

publicist.

>> I'm sorry.

>> Oh, you're good.

(laughing)

>> Brett Sellars here standing

beside Rainey Qualley.

We're gonna just stand in the

wings and hopefully get to talk

to her.

How are you, Brett?

Pretty good. How are you?

Pretty good, Brett.

How you doing?

Oh, I can't complain.

Maybe this will work out,

maybe it won't.

How are ya, Rainey?

Brett Sellars.

You got a minute?

Can you, please?

>> Sure.

>> I got to ask you a question.

>> Okay.

>> Can you pinch my elbow?

Harder.

This is a fact.

I can pinch her elbow as hard as

I want, and it's not gonna hurt.

Can you feel that?

>> No.

I mean, I think everybody did

this trick in middle school,

right?

>> How are you?

>> I love this, man.

>> Thank you very much.

>> Let's go to Turks and Caicos

together.

>> Let's do it.

We're dying to know,

how far is the moon?

>> How far is the moon?

Wait a minute, I know this.

**

>> How do you like the selfie

stick?

>> I'm a fan.

>> The nice thing about these--

The nice--

Hold that. Hold that.

Can you scratch my back, please?

Thanks.

Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Brett Sellars here.

I'm with Parmalee on the red

carpet at the CMT Music Awards,

live on the red carpet.

>> Yeah.

>> This is awesome.

>> Here we are, live from the

red carpet.

>> (laughing)

>> Brett Sellars.

>> And we're live.

>> Yeah, we're just waiting for

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

>> Arnold?

>> Yeah, he's in here somewhere.

>> Is he really?

>> Yeah, he's here.

>> Okay, guys.

>> Yeah, we got to go, yeah.

>> We're here live on the red

carpet with Tom Arnold.

Tom, great to see ya.

>> I got to find Arnold.

He's lost.

>> All right.

Bring him here.

Do us a favor and bring him by.

Yeah, you won't.

Sure he won't.

Can I get an autograph real

quick?

>> Oh, absolutely!

>> Who do you want to sign it

for?

>> Make that one out to Jacob

if you could.

>> Yeah.

>> They're gonna love the

autographs, guys.

Thank you so much for stopping

by.

Don't steal the pen.

How are ya?

>> Oh, my God.

>> Yes, yes, that is me.

>> Oh, my God, I was just

showing somebody your videos.

I'm actually starstruck to meet

you.

This is awesome.

>> I was a huge Hulkamaniac.

>> I'm literally blushing right

now.

I'm a big maniac of you,

so this is amazing.

>> There you have it, folks,

your host Brett Sellars live

here on the red carpet.

Thanks for watching, thanks for

tuning in, and stay tuned for

"The Ed Bassmaster Show."

**

How you doing?

>> Hi.

>> My name's Skippy.

>> Good to meet you.

>> Good to meet you.

I'm here for safety.

Make sure everybody gets to

where they're going safely.

>> Stop.

>> Oh, (bleep).

**

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, guys, be careful, please.

>> Oh.

>> Watch that ledge, yeah.

>> Okay.

>> Might want to be careful.

You fall down there, that can

hurt.

>> Okay.

>> It's all about safety, guys.

You got sunblock, buddy?

You're starting to get a little

red.

>> Yeah?

I'll go to a shade right now.

>> All right, yeah.

**

(grunting)

Oh, (bleep).

Come on, son of a bitch!

There we go.

(grunting)

**

Superman, please, I can use a

little extra strength since I

have no strength or coordination

in my hands right now.

>> What's in the box, though?

>> I don't know. It's fragile.

**

It's from my mother right here.

Thank you.

>> Beatrice Woods?

What's in here?

>> Yes, my mum, Beatrice.

I have no idea. Please.

>> What does it say?

What?

>> Heirloom. Oh, okay.

>> "From your great-aunt

Beatrice Woods.

Please take great care."

>> Oh, my gosh!

Can you take a picture of us

with the plate?

>> Of course.

>> It has a lot of sentimental

value to me.

And hold the note up too.

Ow!

You dropped it on my toe.

>> Come on!

>> Right on my toe.

>> You can't break the plate.

>> Well, sorry about that,

Grandma. Anyway--

>> Grandma, she's up there,

right?

>> Love you, Grandma.

(laughter)

>> (imitating engine revving)

Brett Sellars here, folks.

Let's see if we can find another

biggest fan.

And... we're live.

We're live.

>> But you haven't asked me any

questions.

>> I thought you wanted to tell

me why you are my number-one

fan.

>> What's that?

>> Word was let out that you

might be my biggest fan.

>> It's a huge honor, yeah.

>> Tell us more.

>> Um, it was the hair and

jacket combo, I think.

>> At the end of the day I just

thought, you know, I love his

hair.

>> You've been watching me for

two years.

>> Oh, oui, yeah.

For two years.

>> You've been watching me for

two years?

>> Yes.

>> I appreciate your support.

Thanks for stopping me.

I appreciate it.

>> It's been an honor.

>> Do you have a minute to help

me?

Please?

>> Do you need to open it?

>> Yes, I'm trying to open it.

Ah, there we go.

Ow.

Oh, no, she didn't.

**

Oh, it's from my mother.

Today's my birthday.

>> Happy birthday!

>> Thank you.

Oh, no, Mother, you're too--

She's too much.

It's a birthday cake.

Oh, wow, look at this.

Can you hold that for a sec

while I can get the other one

out, please?

Oh, my gosh, she even got

candles and little fun blowers.

Here, you can have one as well.

We can celebrate together.

(honk)

Happy birthday to Marlin.

Mustn't forget...

birthday hats.

Here's one for you if you don't

mind.

Ow.

There we go.

Let's just get it over with

before it blows out.

(blows sharply)

Thank you.

That was a good job.

(crowd cheering)

>> Joining us all the way from

Maltlicky, Texas, to teach us

his special form of line

dancing, please welcome

Bart el Doo!

(crowd cheering)

>> Yeah, hey, okay, that was

almost dirty right there.

(mumbles incoherently)

(chuckles) I'm just kidding.

Give a (mumbles incoherently)

for coming out.

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Whoo!

**

Now, we're gonna bring this up.

(mumbles incoherently)

Now follow me.

(mumbles incoherently)

Pow. Pow.

(mumbles incoherently)

Pow. Pow.

And giddyup. Giddyup.

(mumbles incoherently)

Giddyup. Giddyup.

Giddyup. Giddyup.

Giddyup. Giddyup.

(bleep)

Whoa. Whoa.

I almost dipped down.

Oh, hey.

Now, that's called a dip on a

line dance.

Now, we're gonna do that dance

to the music.

Maestro.

**

(mumbles incoherently)

Yeah.

Hey, now, partner.

Come on up here.

Come on up.

(crowd cheering)

Come on.

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Jim.

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> I have no idea what you're

saying.

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Oh, yeah.

>> No, no, no.

(mumbles incoherently)

>> No, I have no idea what

you're talking about.

(laughter)

>> All right.

Can we get some music on here?

* Yeah, unh, unh, unh *

Get the hips in there.

* Unh, unh, unh *

* Unh, unh, unh, unh *

* Unh, unh *

(crowd cheering)

All right.

* Bart, oh, Doo Doo Doo *

(crowd cheering)

**

That's what I'm talking about

right there.

**

>> Hey, guys. Skippy.

I'm with Collin.

He has the world record for

solving the Rubik's Cube,

and I'm gonna try to beat him in

a race.

**

On your marks.

Get set.

Go.

(muttering)

(steady beep)

(steady beep)

Collin showed me the basics of

how to solve a Rubik's, so we're

gonna give it another whack.

On you marks, get set, go.

Done.

**

Oh, would you look at this?

**

Oh, gorgeous!

What is that, a swan?

Hello, Mr. Swan.

(laughing)

They're gorgeous.

Just look at it.

Look at that.

Look at its feathers.

Oh, would you look at that?

He's attacking him.

Don't do that!

Don't do that!

Did you see that?

Are you okay, little buddy?

Oh, he's sad.

He's putting his head in the

water.

He's sad, see?

Oh, would you look at that?

You made him sad.

Don't let that other bird attack

him, please.

Get him out of here.

I'll call the cops.

(chuckling)

Yo, what's good?

It's your boy, always Teste.

I'm here chilling with The

Gregory Brothers... and sister,

and we making a music video,

dawg.

**

>> * Thumbs up, everybody *

* For rock and roll *

>> * Thumbs up, everybody *

* For rock and roll *

**

* Get the hang of it *

* I know it *

* You will get better *

* And better as you do it *

>> * Check it out, yo *

* Check it out, unh *

* Check it out, unh *

* Yo, check it *

* Yo, I'm sweeping *

* And I'm creeping *

* Is this thing on *

* I don't think so *

My bad, my bad. (chuckles)

Sorry about that.

Sorry for the interruption.

>> It's cool. It's cool.

>> I get a little carried away,

man.

I heard the music.

Y'all was jamming.

I had to--

>> It's a first.

>> My bad.

>> We're good. We're good, man.

I'll lock up.

**

>> You want me to do the face?

You want me to do the face?

>> Pretend like you're

interviewing me and then do the

face.

>> We're here with Brooke Hogan.

Brooke, I got to tell you, I

was...

huge fan of Hulk.

Sorry about that.

Little-- Little condition there.

>> I can do a pretty good face

too.

>> Let me see.

>> So, you know what?

It's really nice to...

(laughing)

>> There you heard it, folks.

Brooke Hogan a fan of Brett

Sellars.

Like I said, there's all kinds

of fans lined up outside waiting

to meet Brett Sellars.

You didn't believe me.

There you have it.

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