Original subtitles

>> Hey, guys.

I'm Ed Bassmaster

and you may have seen me

on YouTube.

The Looney Wheel...

And that is me.

>> What are you talking about?

>> I'm a bush!

That's me too.

The crawfish here is amazing.

>> Yeah.

>> I just ordered it.

When I see a car like this,

the first thing I do is I say,

"Would you look at this?"

Yeah, all of those guys are me.

>> Yes, yes, yes!

>> You're my favorite!

>> I have almost a billion views

on the Internet

and now I'm going to take

what I do to television.

Look at it!

Ow, oh!

This is

"The Ed Bassmaster Show."

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Can I take your order?

>> Yeah, hey...

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Say what?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> I can't understand you, sir.

*

You want the number three

basket or you just want tenders

by itself?

>> Nah, f'more basket.

>> Tender basket?

>> No, f'more basket.

>> I couldn't understand

you, hon.

>> Ff'ord basket.

>> The, the pork...

>> Oh, no...

>> ...sandwich?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> I can't hear you hon, 'cause

there's something big and loud

out there.

>> Yeah...

>> Think you could pull around?

I'm so sorry, there was

something out there loud,

and I couldn't hear you.

>> I'm sorry, yeah, they kept...

(mumbles incoherently)

...the screen back there.

So loud, I'm like,

"Hey, you all right?"

(mumbles incoherently)

(laughing)

I tell you.

I'm sitting there thinking, man.

I remember back when I was

a kid... (mumbles incoherently)

...boxes outside the windows.

And boy, you could sit there all

day kind of off both sides

and count the cats off the nine

tails.

One by ones.

>> What can I get you, hon?

>> The Coke and the...

(mumbles incoherently)

>> And a what?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> I don't know what

you're saying.

>> The flat martels.

>> The flat mertles?

>> Yeah, the plat mertles.

(snickers)

>> Brett Sellars here

and I am super stoked to

tell you guys about a new prank

we're working on called Gotcha.

See, it's a prank without

the prank, it's just the reveal.

It's great.

*

Brett Sellars here

from Gotcha TV.

Here's our mark right here,

we're gonna let him off the

hook.

Come on, let's let him

off the hook.

Here we go, here we are, guys,

we got him.

We, we gotcha, pal.

>> I don't know, no.

*

>> Did you realize

it was a prank?

Give it up for him, buddies.

>> Whoo!

>> I don't know what

the prank was.

>> Well, we just gotcha.

We just totally gotcha

off guard.

>> Um...

>> You're wondering

how we pulled it off, right?

>> Yeah, I don't know what you

pulled off.

>> I don't know if you saw,

I was behind here, I came out.

>> What were you doing back

there?

>> Setting up to get you.

>> Okay.

>> And we gotcha.

>> Okay, okay.

>> So now that we gotcha,

now what are you thinking?

>> I'm, uh, I'm, uh,

I'm surprised, yeah.

>> There we go.

Caught you off guard, didn't we?

>> You did, you did catch me

off guard, I'm caught off guard.

>> Gotcha! Stay tuned.

*

>> Yo, this your boy

always Teste.

I'm making this video for you.

I heard you seeing somebody

else.

And I'ma show you what I'ma do.

Excuse me.

Are you good with a camera?

Can you film something for me?

Like I'm trying to get a shot.

I'ma do, I'm gonna give a shout

out to my girl.

>> Yeah, sure.

>> Cool. Why don't you get,

like, right here?

>> All right.

>> Yeah, like right there,

that's perfect.

>> All right.

>> It's recording right?

>> Yep.

>> Yo, man, I'm making this

video about you 'cause I know

you talking to some other

dude now.

I'ma little bit upset about it.

I'm gonna show you what I'm

gonna do to him

if I run into him.

I'm just letting you know.

I'm gonna bust his head up

like that.

(woman gasps)

Okay?

I'm gonna snap him in half,

you know what I'm saying?

I don't play that,

you know what I mean?

I gotta get one more.

>> I don't know that I wanna

be a part of this.

>> I'm gonna pick him up and

I'm gonna body slam him

like this.

And then that's it.

Then what you gonna do?

>> What are you doing?

What's going on?

>> Yo, he's making a video.

>> I'm just, uh, helping

this guy out.

>> And you're smashing

produce in the store?

>> That seems to be

what's going on, yeah.

>> Why would you think

that this is okay?

>> I have no idea

what I'm doing.

>> He's a filmmaker.

>> You're just gonna come--

>> That wasn't me!

(laughing)

>> Well, you said you could

film it for me.

>> Sir, this is extremely

unacceptable, I can't believe...

>> Yeah, I tried to tell him

not to do it.

>> (laughing)

>> What, what are you

doing here?

>> This is your camera.

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you know what else?

This is my TV show.

It's called "The Ed Bassmaster

Show," dawg, you on it.

That was good, man,

you did a good job.

>> I'm so glad it's a joke

because I was getting very

disturbed.

>> She turnt on me, dawg, she...

*

>> Would you look at that?

It's like a giant rubber band.

Would you look at it?

What do you call that?

>> A slack line.

>> Slack line.

>> Yeah.

>> You guys are a bunch

of slackers.

(cackling)

Look at that balance.

Just look at it.

Wraps his toes right around it,

I see, holding onto it.

What are you guys,

professionals?

Professional slacker.

Ha! There you go.

You're kidding me, right?

This is ridiculous.

Look at that.

That looks like fun,

I'll tell ya.

I'd like to give it a whirl.

>> Go for it!

Push down and go up

in one motion.

>> One, two, three,

look at him go!

Look at him!

>> Yeah!

>> Oh, (bleep).

>> Oh.

>> You okay?

>> Yeah, I'm okay.

Oh.

>> Hey, I'm Brad Pinkerton,

fitness innovator.

A lot of you may know me

as the inventor of Finger Doos

that help strengthen your grip.

Or my patented Glute Stick

that firms up your buttocks.

Well, now I have a full line of

fitness devices that get real

results for real people, like

this jump rope that shocks you

if you stop jumping...

This hat that builds muscles

in your scalp...

Oh, yeah, everybody wants

muscles in their scalp.

And this thing that

gets rid of elbow fat.

Y'all hate that elbow fat,

don't you?

The workout doesn't stop there.

I've got devices that

get rid of...

If you want to improve

your appearance, start using

these products today,

or hire me, Brad Pinkerton

to be your personal trainer.

I can 100% guarantee to make you

more like me.

*

How's it going, buddy?

>> Going good, buddy.

>> Good to meet you,

good, good, good.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

>> No problem.

>> I've got gyms across

the country trying to sign me

up to come to their gyms.

I developed this method about

four years ago, and it's called

Tandem Training.

>> Is it CrossFit or is it

just--

>> No, this is better

than CrossFit.

CrossFit's kind of old.

It's too hard to teach you

proper form if I'm not connected

with you as one, you feel me?

>> Correct.

>> Okay, so now we're

ready to get started.

We're gonna go ahead and get

the tandem on you, don't worry--

>> Just seeing where you're at.

>> We're both grown men here.

He's gonna hook us up now.

I'm gonna be a little close

to you, don't worry.

I ain't gonna go that route

there.

>> All right, I appreciate that.

>> You know what, let's start

off with the leg raise here.

>> Okay.

>> Now, it's just like

sitting on a toilet, man.

Just like sitting on the pooper.

Lean all the way back on me.

>> All right.

>> All right, there we go.

Feel that burn?

>> Yep.

>> One, two, three, down.

There we go, up, come on,

you got it, you got it.

You got bad knees?

>> No, this is awkward.

>> Yeah, yeah.

>> Can't get down.

>> All right, all right, you

know, we won't do the squats.

You know what, let me grab

a drink real quick.

I'm dying right here.

Here you go, here you go.

Mmm.

>> Right.

>> You gotta hydrate, Rob,

come on.

>> Uh, no, no I just drank

a whole...

>> You sure, here, come on.

>> It's my second one.

>> Just one sip,

I'll let you go first.

>> Excuse me.

>> Get some more?

>> (laughing)

>> There we go.

Whoo, whoa.

All right, you need to stand up.

All right, let's try--

>> Ow! Dave!

Take, take, take our right

hands.

(groaning)

(laughter)

>> All right, this ain't

working.

There we go.

>> Get that jack.

All right.

Nah, you're not feeling it?

>> No, not right now.

>> Thrust it, thrust it,

there you go, thrust.

Feel that burn, feel it.

Ah, this is good for the

buttocks too, can you feel it?

Whew.

We'll go take a tandem

shower real quick.

>> Actually, I think

we're behind schedule.

>> Okay.

*

>> May I take your order,

please?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Good. What can I get for you?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Say, what's that?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> You want the pulled pork

sandwich?

>> Yeah.

>> How many?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Five?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Five?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> I can barely hear you.

That's why we asked,

"What did you say?"

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> You want the sandwich

and a milkshake.

>> Yeah, yeah...

(mumbles incoherently)

>> What kind of milkshake?

>> Oh, oh, oh, oh, mmm...

You got all them kinds?

>> We got 40.

>> Let me try...

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Chocolate peanut butter?

>> Oh, yeah.

Mmm, that sound good.

All right.

>> All right, I got a barbeque

sandwich and a chocolate

peanut butter shake.

Will that be it?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> All right, your total's

6.31, and I'll be pleased to

serve you at the window.

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> So today, me and Corey

are in cahoots and we're going

to try to fix some people's

electronics.

You got an iPhone?

>> Yeah.

>> Did you optimize it yet?

>> What does that mean?

>> It saves your contacts

to the information system.

It basically just gives you

a little security measure.

>> I'm sorry, someone just

sent me some weird email.

>> Oh, go ahead, take your time.

>> Just give me one second.

I just don't understand

what this is.

>> Yeah, if that was optimized,

you probably wouldn't even got

that crazy email.

>> I don't know who this is.

>> Optimize.

How many megahertz are you

running on your phone, is that?

>> You're welcome to look.

>> Sure.

Optimizing the phone.

>> What does that mean?

>> I'm backing yours up

right now.

>> Backing it up where?

>> I'm gonna back it up

on my phone for you.

>> Why would I want

all my stuff on your phone?

>> So if you lose any of your

passwords, you can just call

me on my cell phone

and I can give them to you.

>> I don't think I wanna do

that, that seems weird.

>> You don't trust me?

>> No... (laughing)

>> No?

>> I don't know you.

>> Ma'am, I'm an expert.

>> Can you not do it?

>> Um... it's too late,

I actually just did it.

Software upgrade finalized.

Let me see if there's

a way to undo this.

Hold on one sec.

All right, I just wanted to

back up all the pictures

and everything that were

in my phone.

>> My pictures are on your

phone?

>> Well, not any more, I backed

them up to my PC.

>> I don't want

my pictures on your PC.

>> Well, I'm not gonna look

at 'em, they're just there

for safety reasons.

>> I don't want them there

at all.

Can you get your manager?

>> Sure can, hold on.

>> Um, I have a device here

right now.

>> What was the device?

>> It's an iPad2.

>> iPad 2?

Give me one second.

>> We fixed the screen.

>> Oh, nice, does it work?

>> It does work.

(thudding to ground)

Oh, (bleep).

>> It's not fixed anymore,

I guess.

>> Oh, my gosh.

I mean this thing

is pretty messed up.

I mean, I dropped it,

but it looks like some of this

was on you.

>> That's really not the

right thing to say right now.

>> Uh, I can fix it.

It might be a little extra

charge is the only thing.

More than it was originally just

'cause we gotta do it again.

>> There's gonna be an extra

charge?

>> Yeah.

>> What would the extra charge

be for?

>> Well, partially for having

to fix it twice.

>> You just dropped my iPad.

>> Hey.

>> I'm just having a very weird

experience.

He just told me he took all my

stuff, he put my pictures

on his PC.

He took all of my information.

This is what he's telling me.

>> Was it an optimization

back-up?

>> Yeah, I don't know what this

is, but it kind of scares me.

>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's

our optimization back-up.

>> I don't want it anywhere.

>> We can delete it from

the server.

>> Can you do that?

>> Yeah, it's a $30 charge

to delete it from the server.

>> I didn't want it to begin

with, and now someone's asking

me for a $30 charge?

>> I'll tell you--

I know what you're saying.

It's, it's just that it's the...

>> Sorry, I just wanted

to let you know

Lisa emailed you.

I didn't look at it, but I just

wanted-- you just--

It just came through.

>> What the hell is going on?

Are you kidding me?

>> The boss, is he here?

>> Craig?

>> Yeah.

>> I don't know what

his name is.

>> Let me see, okay?

Hang on one second.

>> You don't know if he's here?

>> Skip!

>> This is very bizarre.

>> Here we go.

>> Mrs. Spages?

>> Yes.

>> Hi, I apologize.

We're going to figure out

what happened.

Just give me two seconds here.

Do you trust me to help you

ma'am?

>> I'm gonna-- yeah.

>> I have some really good

news for you.

>> No way! Oh, my God!

(laughing)

>> I told you I was an expert.

>> (laughing) What's going

on here?

>> See, just look at it.

>> Let me see.

>> Get your glasses and look.

Can you see?

>> No.

>> No, no, you to...

>> You can't see?

>> No.

>> Yeah, look at it.

Just look at it.

Nothing?

>> Nothing.

>> Huh! I guess you're right.

(Women laughing)

>> Hey!

(mumbles incoherently)

>> What's that?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> What salad?

>> No, no, no.

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Crab more stank?

>> Yeah, I came back here...

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Crab more stank?

>> Yeah.

You know it?

>> Spell that for me.

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Maybe that's a West Coast

thing, I don't know.

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> Doth?

>> Douf.

>> Douf?

>> Douf, down Souf.

I'm from down soaf.

>> Down South?

>> Yeah.

>> What part?

>> Smalt licky, Texas.

>> Texas?

>> Yup.

>> They have that?

>> Malt licky, sure do.

(mumbles incoherently)

>> What?

>> Yeah, yeah...

(mumbles incoherently)

...coast to coast don't matter.

(mumbles incoherently)

>> No, we don't have maders.

>> Who makes them?

>> Huh?

>> Who make them?

>> The cook.

>> The cook makes maders?

All right, I'll just try to find

(mumbles incoherently)

>> What?

What do you want,

we got chicken and gyro.

>> Oh, yep, make me a gyro.

>> With everything on it?

>> Everything on it, you got...

(mumbles incoherently)

>> Squeaky tots?

>> (mumbles incoherently)

>> What is that?

>> White sauce on a hero?

>> Tzatziki sauce?

>> Yeah! Smeaky sauce.

(laughing)

>> Hey, guys, it' Shakey here.

And I had, I had like...

(bleep)

I had like ten cups of coffee

so now I'm gonna go move

some furniture.

Come on, let's go.

>> Come on in.

I'll call you.

Thank you, bye.

>> Caitlin, nice to meet you.

>> Caitlin, nice to meet you.

You can call me Ed.

>> Okay, Ed.

>> Mover should be here

any minute.

Do me one favor though.

Like, you don't have to babysit

the guy, but don't let him go

into rooms by himself.

My wife is like weird like that.

And she-- and I promised that

I would mention that.

We got a lot of like old family

heirloom type stuff.

>> Totally understand, yeah.

>> Okay, cool.

All right Caitlin, thank you.

>> Have a good one, Ed.

>> I appreciate it, you too.

>> Good, I'm here.

No, it's nice.

(doorbell ringing)

Oh, uh, the mover's here,

I gotta go.

>> Hi, how are you?

>> I'm good, I'm Caitlin.

>> Greg, Greg, Caitlin?

>> Good to meet you.

>> Nice to--

>> Are you the mover?

>> Yes, yes, yes.

I actually skipped lunch,

though, so like I'm starving.

But, uh...

The good news is I'm on my

seventh-- eighth cup of coffee.

>> You can put away that

much coffee?

>> That's from lunch.

Yeah, I'm gonna heat up my

raviolis real quick.

>> I wouldn't do the, the foil.

>> What's that?

>> I wouldn't do the foil,

the foil!

>> Uh, no, it's my raviolis.

>> No, no, no, no, no.

You can't put foil in the

microwave, it will, uh, ooh...

>> It's, it's raviolis.

It's what, it--

You know what, I'll let that

heat up, finish up and I'll let

it cool off too, so...

(microwave beeps)

I'm the best in the biz though,

I'm the fastest mover,

I'm on my toes.

Kitchen's gotta be picked up.

All right, whoop.

Line 'em up, whoop, whoop,

whoop, line 'em up.

>> Maybe we'll find some like...

>> I have... nope.

>> Bubble wrap, maybe back

there... Oh, perfect.

>> Yep, here we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Round?

>> Just put a piece

of tape there.

>> Oh!

>> I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

>> Oh, my God.

>> I'm sorry.

Mom, mom, mom!

I didn't do anything.

A young lady here.

Look, I gotta go.

Can I call you back Mom, please?

Let me get the glass up.

I don't want anybody cutting

their foot and then coming back

to me...

>> Yeah, definitely.

>> How am I doing?

How we looking, how we looking?

>> Good, good, yeah.

>> Uh...

>> That little one right here.

(doorbell ringing)

>> Oh, crap.

It's not him, is it?

>> I don't know who it would be.

>> Uh, it's a woman with a cake.

>> A cake?

>> Come on in woman

with a cake, hi.

>> Hi!

>> I'm from next door to drop

off a cake to say goodbye, to...

>> Oh, that's so nice of you.

>> Uh, could you kind of, uh,

move over there, please?

>> Okay, sure.

>> Thank you.

>> Oh, there's, there's a little

piece of glass there.

>> Thank you, thank you, yeah,

watch the glass.

>> All right, have a good night.

>> Yeah, you too.

>> Thanks.

>> Bye.

>> Thanks.

Whew! I didn't think

she was gonna leave.

Let's deal with soft goods,

pillow hand goods.

Uh, I guess these dishes

we can put-- these are dishes.

Why don't we put these dishes...

>> I think we could just

leave this stuff up there.

Just leave that

and they get that later.

>> I gotta get a paper towel,

hun, I'm sweating up a storm.

(doorbell ringing)

Who is it?

>> Just like a package.

>> Mmm, mmm...

>> Uh, I think that she made

it specifically for him, I...

>> Made what?

>> That cake.

>> Whoa. Let me fix it.

Oh, crap.

That's fine, that looks fine,

he is not going to notice.

(chuckling)

You think?

>> It looks like someone put

their hand in the cake.

>> We should--

we should pack this.

Pack this.

>> Um, I think it's easy

enough to...

>> No, no nonsense.

I was instructed to pack

everything, and I have to do

what I was told.

>> You can't open his mail,

like...

>> How do I look?

How does it look?

Do you mind if I try it on?

Can you help me?

>> Yeah I do, but...

>> It's gonna be packed,

he's not gonna notice.

Help me try it on.

>> I'm just gonna be honest

with you for a sec.

>> Yes.

>> I think there's just a little

too much caffeine going

on right now.

>> Do you think Ed's gonna

be upset with me?

Do you think Ed's gonna walk in

the door with like a bunch of

camera guys from a TV show

and go,

"Hey, this was all a joke!"

Yeah, I think it is.

>> Hey, guys, hey, come on in,

guys, yeah, come on.

Let her know what's going on.

(Caitlin laughing)

>> Hi.

Oh, thank you.

>> You're welcome.

Another lucky customer.

Thank you, ladies.

Hey.

Hey, guys, it's Skippy.

I'm out in the park today.

Look...

I think I just spotted

Vinnie from the "Jersey Shore."

It is, let's go photobomb him.

>> Yeah.

You want a picture?

Yeah, of course.

>> Got it?

>> Thanks, dude.

>> All right, cool, man.

Are we taking a Snapchat?

>> What have you been doing

since the show?

>> Nice to meet you!

>> Well, I do comedy...

>> Vinnie!

>> I do comedy... hey.

>> What's up, man, hey.

>> Hey, what's up, man.

You want a picture?

>> Aww...

>> Look, look who it is.

>> What's up.

>> I found him.

>> Hi, how you doing?

>> Thanks.

Hey, that picture didn't come

out, I wanna get another one.

>> Yeah, yeah, sure.

>> Hey, I'm with Vinnie.

No, I'm doing selfie video.

>> Oh, he's doing a video, hi.

>> Cool, thank you.

>> Nice to meet you.

>> What's that?

>> What's your name?

>> He's not gonna bite you,

here, let me stand

on this side.

>> Okay.

>> So you don't look so damn

nervous.

>> Yeah, I know, I'm like...

>> I'm sorry.

>> How you doing, man?

>> Me and Vinnie!

>> What's up, dude?

>> What's going on, hey.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, what's up?

What's up?

What's up?

(chuckling)

Yeah, he's videotaping me, yeah.

What's up, man?

You got it?

You got it?

(laughing)

Yeah, Vinnie, nice to meet you.

>> I'm Caroline, nice to

meet you.

Can I take a picture?

>> Yeah, sure of course.

Hey, guys!

>> I want a picture,

I want a picture.

>> Oh, Snapchat is the new

thing now.

Oh!

>> Oh, you blocked his face.

>> Sorry.

>> All right, ready?

>> It's Vinnie, Gym, Tan,

Laundry.

>> Gym, Tan, Laundry, whoo!

Gym, Tan, Laundry!

>> All right.

*

- Hey, partner, how you doing?

- Carton of Winston Light 100s.

- You got caught in a windstorm?

- Winston. Go back--

- Oh, I thought you got caught in a windstorm.

- No. - Oh.

[rock music]

[yells] Son of a [bleep]!

[crashing]

I'm sorry, partner. You didn't need to witness this.

- You all right? - Question is is he all right?

If you're looking for a guy

who will pay for at least half the meal,

let me know 'cause I will.

So I live with my grandmom.

Uh, I have the whole entire upstairs to myself.

>> Can I get a picture too?

>> Yeah.

>> All right, thanks, man.

>> We'll get this guy in too.

>> Come on.

>> Buddy, you're blocking the--

>> Ready?

>> You're blocking his camera.

>> Say "What's up guys?"

>> What's up, buddy?

>> What's up Ed Bassmaster?

Huge fan, dude?

>> Thanks, buddy.

>> All right, man.

>> Ugh...

>> Some people don't...

>> That didn't come out,

didn't come out, one second.

Do it one more time.

>> Can, can, can we wail till--

>> Didn't come out.

>> Yeah, he's-- can you just

wait till...

>> I'm just need a Snapchat,

too, if you don't mind...

>> Snapchat? Oh, my gosh.

Unbelievable.

>> Ready?

Ready, one, two, three...

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