Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:09,741
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
2
00:00:09,742 --> 00:00:12,581
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
3
00:00:12,582 --> 00:00:16,181
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
4
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,901
Ha! It's luxury
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
5
00:00:18,902 --> 00:00:20,501
Here it comes, here it comes
6
00:00:20,502 --> 00:00:23,221
Here it comes again, yeah!
It's luxury
7
00:00:23,222 --> 00:00:27,222
Here it comes, here it comes
Here it comes again, yeah
8
00:00:28,622 --> 00:00:30,981
La la la la la la la la!
9
00:00:30,982 --> 00:00:33,621
La la la la la la!
10
00:00:33,622 --> 00:00:36,581
La la la la la la la la!
11
00:00:36,582 --> 00:00:38,753
? La la la la la la! ?
12
00:00:38,778 --> 00:00:42,263
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
13
00:00:42,302 --> 00:00:44,181
Hi, welcome to the show.
14
00:00:44,182 --> 00:00:47,501
Pretty excited this week cos we've got
Kiss on the show, the American rock band.
15
00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:49,821
In fact, let me introduce you
to Gene right now.
16
00:00:49,822 --> 00:00:53,421
He's just down here
gathering up some crumbs.
17
00:00:53,422 --> 00:00:55,621
There he is.
18
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,861
Gene Simmons.
19
00:00:57,862 --> 00:01:01,862
Gene, say hello to the people
watching at home.
20
00:01:02,222 --> 00:01:04,021
He's a bit shy.
21
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,061
Bit shy.
22
00:01:05,062 --> 00:01:08,621
Andy, put Gene over there, will you,
with the rest of the band?
23
00:01:08,622 --> 00:01:11,461
Be careful with him.
Maybe get him a macchiato, yeah?
24
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:14,141
And keep the flat whites coming
for the rest of the guys.
25
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:17,461
Are you sure about that? They
already seem pretty pumped up to me.
26
00:01:17,462 --> 00:01:18,861
Andy, they're rock gods.
27
00:01:18,862 --> 00:01:22,862
I think they can take a little
bit of caffeine. OK.
28
00:01:26,102 --> 00:01:29,381
Noel, what on earth are you doing?
What do you mean?
29
00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:32,221
Why have you got dummies of
the rock band Kiss in the window?
30
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,901
Well, I was thinking about it, right.
31
00:01:33,902 --> 00:01:36,941
If I walked past a coffee shop
and I saw Kiss in there drinking coffee,
32
00:01:36,942 --> 00:01:39,381
I'd be straight in.
I mean, I'd make it my local.
33
00:01:39,382 --> 00:01:41,861
And we need customers,
I'm trying to draw people in.
34
00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:43,981
What about me?
What about you?
35
00:01:43,982 --> 00:01:45,261
Well, I am a customer.
36
00:01:45,262 --> 00:01:48,101
Sort of. Not really, though, are you?
37
00:01:48,102 --> 00:01:50,941
You just sit there sucking up my
Wi Fi and drinking free coffee.
38
00:01:50,942 --> 00:01:54,181
Noel, I am a huge asset
to this coffee shop.
39
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,661
Ultimately, you will benefit
40
00:01:55,662 --> 00:01:57,381
from my presence here.
In what way?
41
00:01:57,382 --> 00:01:59,821
In 10 or 20 years, there'll be one
of those blue plaques
42
00:01:59,822 --> 00:02:01,741
saying, "Dolly drank coffee here."
43
00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:04,701
I'll have to stop you right there.
You're not getting a blue plaque.
44
00:02:04,702 --> 00:02:06,781
It's hard to get a blue plaque.
45
00:02:06,782 --> 00:02:08,261
Andy might get a blue plaque.
46
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,461
Smooth might get a blue plaque.
You're not plaque worthy.
47
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:14,341
You are so, so wrong.
48
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,181
'Noel and Dolly drone on and on
49
00:02:17,182 --> 00:02:19,181
'about who is plaque worthy.'
50
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,341
Did you hear that?
Yeah, of course.
51
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,342
'Smooth wipes down the surfaces.
52
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:31,022
'Andy Warhol serves dummies
of the rock band Kiss.'
53
00:02:31,262 --> 00:02:32,941
Who is that?
54
00:02:32,942 --> 00:02:35,381
Maybe it's God.
55
00:02:35,382 --> 00:02:36,901
I don't think it's God.
56
00:02:36,902 --> 00:02:40,902
'You're right. I am not God.'
57
00:02:42,182 --> 00:02:44,062
I am Reality Man.
58
00:02:47,502 --> 00:02:48,781
What do you want?
59
00:02:48,782 --> 00:02:51,061
I have deemed this show
too fantastical,
60
00:02:51,062 --> 00:02:52,781
therefore it must be stopped.
61
00:02:52,782 --> 00:02:54,381
Are you out of your mind?
62
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,781
No.
63
00:02:55,782 --> 00:02:57,341
I am very much in my mind.
64
00:02:57,342 --> 00:03:00,901
'It is you fantasy people
who are out of YOUR minds.'
65
00:03:00,902 --> 00:03:03,101
Drunk on imagery and juxtaposition.
66
00:03:03,102 --> 00:03:06,621
"Oh, it's a leaf on a toboggan."
Well done!
67
00:03:06,622 --> 00:03:09,821
'This show is now under my control.'
68
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,982
It is now a reality TV show.
69
00:03:15,782 --> 00:03:18,621
A reality... You can't do that!
70
00:03:18,622 --> 00:03:21,061
This is a fantasy show
with plots and scripts.
71
00:03:21,062 --> 00:03:23,781
The scripts are being
taken care of...
72
00:03:23,782 --> 00:03:25,261
by fire,
73
00:03:25,262 --> 00:03:26,781
as in I'm burning them.
74
00:03:26,782 --> 00:03:28,141
You can't...
75
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,341
You can't do that,
they took me ages to write.
76
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:31,741
Really? Yes, really.
77
00:03:31,742 --> 00:03:33,141
'Really?'
78
00:03:33,142 --> 00:03:35,021
Yes, really.
79
00:03:35,022 --> 00:03:37,861
Enough. Hidden cameras have been
placed everywhere
80
00:03:37,862 --> 00:03:41,101
and are filming your movements
as we speak.
81
00:03:41,102 --> 00:03:43,901
Turn on the TV and see what
your show has become.
82
00:03:43,902 --> 00:03:45,781
Yeah, all right, maybe I will.
83
00:03:45,782 --> 00:03:49,782
We'll see what's what here.
84
00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:53,461
3.15
Todd Laguna and Tony Reason
85
00:03:53,462 --> 00:03:55,981
chat in their underwater studio.
86
00:03:55,982 --> 00:03:57,381
Well, there's the rub with Rush.
87
00:03:57,382 --> 00:03:59,901
You can have as many different
time signatures as you like,
88
00:03:59,902 --> 00:04:03,902
but will the man on the street
go for it? No.
89
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:08,662
Do you ever get the feeling
that you're being watched?
90
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:11,781
3.25
on the other side of the island,
91
00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:14,901
New York Cop sits on his fat arse
eating doughnuts.
92
00:04:14,902 --> 00:04:18,902
If only I could dislocate my jaw
like a snake.
93
00:04:21,142 --> 00:04:22,581
I mean...
94
00:04:22,582 --> 00:04:24,101
reality TV is bad enough.
95
00:04:24,102 --> 00:04:26,581
Reality TV with celebrities in it,
that's even worse.
96
00:04:26,582 --> 00:04:29,021
But reality TV
with fantastical characters...
97
00:04:29,022 --> 00:04:30,661
It's just madness!
98
00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:33,861
I was in a reality TV show once,
99
00:04:33,862 --> 00:04:35,301
it was called The Barrel.
100
00:04:35,302 --> 00:04:37,421
It was me, a Bourbon, a ginger nut,
101
00:04:37,422 --> 00:04:40,421
half a pinky wafer
and a crunch cream.
102
00:04:40,422 --> 00:04:43,421
One by one, we were eliminated.
103
00:04:43,422 --> 00:04:46,221
That wasn't a reality TV show,
was it, Roy? That was just someone
104
00:04:46,222 --> 00:04:49,061
helping themselves to biscuits from
their own biscuit barrel.
105
00:04:49,062 --> 00:04:52,101
Oh, right, my mistake. Sorry.
106
00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:54,621
As you were.
107
00:04:54,622 --> 00:04:56,621
So, what are you going
to do about it?
108
00:04:56,622 --> 00:04:58,901
I don't know. We're going
to have to do something.
109
00:04:58,902 --> 00:05:00,941
You will do nothing.
110
00:05:00,942 --> 00:05:03,581
You will fall in line
like everyone else.
111
00:05:03,582 --> 00:05:05,341
We won't fall in line
112
00:05:05,342 --> 00:05:07,541
and I'll tell you why.
We're fantasy people, yeah?
113
00:05:07,542 --> 00:05:11,062
We won't stand around while you shoot
the place up with your reality bullets.
114
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:17,741
Good one.
115
00:05:17,742 --> 00:05:21,742
In a battle between reality and
fantasy, reality will always win.
116
00:05:22,182 --> 00:05:25,302
You will fall in line, otherwise...
117
00:05:28,702 --> 00:05:31,581
Oh, sorry, that's the flute setting.
118
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:33,381
Which one is it?
119
00:05:33,382 --> 00:05:34,661
Ohh...
120
00:05:34,662 --> 00:05:36,821
OK. Sorry.
121
00:05:36,822 --> 00:05:38,462
You will fall in line, otherwise...
122
00:05:40,342 --> 00:05:43,461
..there will be harsh penalties.
123
00:05:43,462 --> 00:05:46,141
What kind of penalties?
'You will be evicted.'
124
00:05:46,142 --> 00:05:47,621
Evicted to where?
125
00:05:47,622 --> 00:05:50,541
Back to reality.
126
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:51,741
I don't like reality.
127
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,781
Yeah, that's coming across.
128
00:05:53,782 --> 00:05:56,861
Anyway, you can't evict me. The people
on this island won't stand for it.
129
00:05:56,862 --> 00:05:59,541
I mean, there'll be riots.
I don't think there'll be riots.
130
00:05:59,542 --> 00:06:03,262
I also don't think there will be
riots, and here's why.
131
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:07,421
'People of Painted Hawaii,'
132
00:06:07,422 --> 00:06:10,261
you are now in a reality TV show.
133
00:06:10,262 --> 00:06:14,262
The winner will receive a huge cash
prize and an Alfa Romeo.
134
00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:19,181
I've already got an Alfa Romeo.
135
00:06:19,182 --> 00:06:20,901
No. You see, you can't bribe
this lot.
136
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:23,901
They're good people, they're moral
people, they're fantasy people.
137
00:06:23,902 --> 00:06:27,902
Why don't you see for yourself,
Fantasy Dick?
138
00:06:28,662 --> 00:06:32,662
Hooperooni, when we get that cash prize,
we are going to get a van with many sirens
139
00:06:32,782 --> 00:06:35,021
and some stationery.
Not ordinary stationery.
140
00:06:35,022 --> 00:06:37,221
We are going to get a hole punch,
for God's sake.
141
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:40,541
And some doughnuts.
142
00:06:40,542 --> 00:06:42,501
It seems that fantasy people
143
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,741
are just as interested in money
as real people.
144
00:06:44,742 --> 00:06:46,181
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
145
00:06:46,182 --> 00:06:48,261
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
146
00:06:48,262 --> 00:06:50,261
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
147
00:06:50,262 --> 00:06:52,301
Yeah, hilarious!
148
00:06:52,302 --> 00:06:56,181
'Ho-ho-ho-ho! I'm still finding it
funny. Ho-ho-ho-ho...'
149
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,741
Noel, I want you to know
that I will not buckle
150
00:06:58,742 --> 00:07:00,381
like the other characters.
151
00:07:00,382 --> 00:07:01,781
Thanks, Andy.
152
00:07:01,782 --> 00:07:05,461
This is partly your fault.
153
00:07:05,462 --> 00:07:07,661
What do... What do you mean?
154
00:07:07,662 --> 00:07:10,461
Well, you said everyone would be
famous for 15 minutes.
155
00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:12,741
You were the one who made all those
voyeuristic films
156
00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:15,661
of people doing nothing. You filmed
someone sleeping, didn't you?
157
00:07:15,662 --> 00:07:17,261
Yes, but that was a joke.
158
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:20,061
I did not expect you people
to take that ridiculous concept
159
00:07:20,062 --> 00:07:22,301
and make it the very fabric
of your culture.
160
00:07:22,302 --> 00:07:24,541
Yeah, fair enough.
161
00:07:24,542 --> 00:07:28,461
But since we are trapped
in some kind of Orwellian nightmare,
162
00:07:28,462 --> 00:07:31,421
maybe my Orwellian friend
could help.
163
00:07:31,422 --> 00:07:33,541
Who is your Orwellian friend?
164
00:07:33,542 --> 00:07:35,221
George Orwell.
165
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,741
You know George Orwell? Yes.
166
00:07:37,742 --> 00:07:40,541
I am seeing him this afternoon.
We do dance lessons together.
167
00:07:40,542 --> 00:07:41,661
Salsa.
168
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,541
Salsa? Really?
He has surprisingly dainty footwork
169
00:07:44,542 --> 00:07:46,261
for such an intellectual
heavyweight.
170
00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:50,141
Nabokov, on the other hand,
has literally no rhythm.
171
00:07:50,142 --> 00:07:53,221
Do you know what? That's quite a good
idea. Talk to George Orwell. Mm.
172
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,981
In the meantime, I think we should
set up a peaceful protest.
173
00:07:55,982 --> 00:07:58,462
Yes, comrade.
174
00:08:04,142 --> 00:08:06,861
What do we want?
We want fantasy.
175
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:08,781
When do we want it?
Every now and then.
176
00:08:08,782 --> 00:08:11,181
Just as a break
from the mundane aspects of reality.
177
00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:12,981
It's not too much to ask, is it?
178
00:08:12,982 --> 00:08:16,621
What do we want? We want fantasy.
When do we want it?
179
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:19,061
Enough.
There will now be an eviction.
180
00:08:19,062 --> 00:08:20,341
What, already?
181
00:08:20,342 --> 00:08:21,821
Shut up.
182
00:08:21,822 --> 00:08:25,822
The nominations for eviction
are as follows.
183
00:08:26,902 --> 00:08:30,902
Todd Laguna, the talking shark
who thinks he's a music producer.
184
00:08:31,742 --> 00:08:34,741
New York Cop,
the painted yellow policeman.
185
00:08:34,742 --> 00:08:38,381
No! Take Hooper,
he's hopeless anyway.
186
00:08:38,382 --> 00:08:41,701
Joey Ramone, the Plasticine Punk.
187
00:08:41,702 --> 00:08:45,702
And last, but by no means least,
Fantasy Dick himself, Noel.
188
00:08:48,902 --> 00:08:51,462
And the first person
to be evicted is...
189
00:09:00,302 --> 00:09:01,701
Fantasy Dick.
190
00:09:01,702 --> 00:09:03,181
Yeah!
191
00:09:03,182 --> 00:09:06,621
You can't do this.
I'm Captain Fantasy. I won't go.
192
00:09:06,622 --> 00:09:08,781
You evict me,
the whole ship will go down.
193
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:12,782
I'm not going and that's final.
194
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,981
Oh, my God!
195
00:09:15,982 --> 00:09:17,821
Noel has fallen through a hole.
196
00:09:17,822 --> 00:09:21,461
The captain's dead.
Abandon ship, abandon ship!
197
00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:23,981
Oh, calm down, Andy,
we're not on a ship.
198
00:09:23,982 --> 00:09:26,861
And anyway, I just see it as one
less person in the way of me
199
00:09:26,862 --> 00:09:28,341
winning a huge cash prize.
200
00:09:28,342 --> 00:09:30,141
And the Alfa Romeo.
201
00:09:30,142 --> 00:09:33,141
Hmm.
202
00:09:33,142 --> 00:09:36,861
Actually, now Noel has gone,
maybe I could be manager.
203
00:09:36,862 --> 00:09:40,862
Yeah, unfortunately, Andy, that
position's already been taken.
204
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:46,182
Gene...
205
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:50,262
OK. I'm off to salsa.
206
00:09:59,302 --> 00:10:02,541
Oh... reality.
207
00:10:02,542 --> 00:10:03,901
Come about the job, have you?
208
00:10:03,902 --> 00:10:05,661
What job?
209
00:10:05,662 --> 00:10:08,221
Basically, I run a greasy spoon
for the working man.
210
00:10:08,222 --> 00:10:11,301
Yeah, times have changed. Used to be
a mug of tea and an egg sandwich
211
00:10:11,302 --> 00:10:14,221
but now it's not uncommon for a
group of scaffolders to come in,
212
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:16,262
ask for a macchiato
and a blueberry muffin.
213
00:10:17,302 --> 00:10:19,261
It's disgusting!
214
00:10:19,262 --> 00:10:21,861
So what I need is a trendy looking
dickhead like you
215
00:10:21,862 --> 00:10:23,901
working the coffee
machine out front,
216
00:10:23,902 --> 00:10:26,941
while I'm out back making
the egg sandwiches and a bubble.
217
00:10:26,942 --> 00:10:28,141
Bubble?
218
00:10:28,142 --> 00:10:31,501
Yeah. Bubble and squeak.
We make both here.
219
00:10:31,502 --> 00:10:34,061
Right.
220
00:10:34,062 --> 00:10:35,221
So...
221
00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:36,781
when can you start?
222
00:10:36,782 --> 00:10:38,661
Now?
223
00:10:38,662 --> 00:10:40,461
Great.
224
00:10:40,462 --> 00:10:44,462
Cool. Kool And The Gang.
225
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:48,181
Just got a job in here, actually.
226
00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:52,182
Maybe see you inside
for a cup of tea.
227
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,010
'Andy Warhol
meets up with George Orwell
228
00:11:05,017 --> 00:11:07,457
'for a fucking salsa lesson,
of all things.'
229
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:11,457
Ah, Andy, nice to see you.
Glad you could make it.
230
00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:14,696
Yes. Before we start,
George, I have a problem.
231
00:11:14,697 --> 00:11:18,376
The show has been turned into
a reality TV show.
232
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:20,536
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And?
233
00:11:20,537 --> 00:11:23,417
Well, Noel says
it's partly my fault.
234
00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:27,217
Well, you did make all those voyeuristic
films of people doing nothing,
235
00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:29,696
so I suppose you could be held
partly responsible.
236
00:11:29,697 --> 00:11:32,136
That's rich coming from you, George!
237
00:11:32,137 --> 00:11:34,696
You coined the phrase
"Big Brother is watching you"
238
00:11:34,697 --> 00:11:36,536
in your novel
Nineteen Eighty-Four.
239
00:11:36,537 --> 00:11:39,256
Oh, well, keep your wig on, Warhol.
240
00:11:39,257 --> 00:11:41,656
We're here to salsa, not to rumba.
241
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:45,336
I was predicting a terrifying
vision of the future.
242
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,176
I was for freedom of speech,
243
00:11:47,177 --> 00:11:50,696
whereas you just paved the way
for cheap television.
244
00:11:50,697 --> 00:11:52,856
I hate reality TV.
245
00:11:52,857 --> 00:11:56,056
I would rather kill myself
in a hot bath with a toaster
246
00:11:56,057 --> 00:11:58,096
than get involved with any of it.
247
00:11:58,097 --> 00:12:02,097
Well, it's too late, George.
You are being filmed as we speak.
248
00:12:02,577 --> 00:12:06,337
The irony is that Big Brother
is now watching you.
249
00:12:08,537 --> 00:12:11,617
I think you've finally
lost the plot, Andy, old boy.
250
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:15,257
Oh, no.
251
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,017
No!
252
00:12:19,217 --> 00:12:23,217
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
253
00:12:29,937 --> 00:12:31,336
That's it.
254
00:12:31,337 --> 00:12:35,337
I thought you said you'd been
practising. I've been trying.
255
00:12:39,737 --> 00:12:43,216
Oi, mate, clean the toilets,
will you? Oh, really?
256
00:12:43,217 --> 00:12:46,056
What's the matter? Don't they have
toilets in fantasy worlds?
257
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:49,016
They don't, actually. That's
the great thing about fantasy -
258
00:12:49,017 --> 00:12:51,176
you don't have to worry
about the mundane aspects.
259
00:12:51,177 --> 00:12:54,216
I mean, you never see Skeletor
setting off his Wi-Fi.
260
00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:57,896
You never see the Snow Queen coming
back from getting a smear test.
261
00:12:57,897 --> 00:13:00,616
Looks like your mate's
about to get the chop.
262
00:13:00,617 --> 00:13:04,416
'Next to be evicted...
263
00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:08,417
'..Smooth, the so-called anteater
who looks not much like one.'
264
00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:12,217
'Yes!'
265
00:13:20,377 --> 00:13:24,377
Smooth! All right?
266
00:13:26,697 --> 00:13:28,056
You in Star Wars?
267
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,576
I'm mixed race.
268
00:13:29,577 --> 00:13:32,496
Oh, right.
269
00:13:32,497 --> 00:13:34,056
How's it going?
270
00:13:34,057 --> 00:13:36,617
It's a nightmare back there.
Reality Man's out of control.
271
00:13:36,617 --> 00:13:39,177
People are dropping like flies.
New York Cop's gone.
272
00:13:39,178 --> 00:13:41,496
Has he?
273
00:13:41,497 --> 00:13:44,577
I have literally no idea where I am.
274
00:13:49,617 --> 00:13:52,856
Hey, lady, you're on the wrong side
of the goddamn road!
275
00:13:52,857 --> 00:13:56,216
Really?
You're in a cardboard car, mate.
276
00:13:56,217 --> 00:13:59,376
Yes, I am. Nice of you to notice.
277
00:13:59,377 --> 00:14:01,416
Still an officer of the law.
278
00:14:01,417 --> 00:14:03,096
Joey Ramone's gone.
279
00:14:03,097 --> 00:14:04,777
I know he's gone, he works 'ere.
280
00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:08,936
'Oh, dear, Joey,
281
00:14:08,937 --> 00:14:11,336
'it seems you've been hired
as a dishwasher,
282
00:14:11,337 --> 00:14:15,176
'yet you've got no arms.
That's unfortunate, isn't it?'
283
00:14:15,177 --> 00:14:16,296
What about Dolly?
284
00:14:16,297 --> 00:14:18,736
She's driving me mad. Her and Gene
are all over each other.
285
00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:20,656
She'd do anything
for that cash prize.
286
00:14:20,657 --> 00:14:23,336
Yeah, and I bet he's got his eye
on the Alfa Romeo as well.
287
00:14:23,337 --> 00:14:24,416
Course he has.
288
00:14:24,417 --> 00:14:26,257
'I can't believe
he said that.'
289
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,336
'Oh, Gene, you're a genius.'
290
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,336
We've got to get back there,
put a stop to this. Let's go, then.
291
00:14:33,337 --> 00:14:34,976
It's not that simple, though, is it?
292
00:14:34,977 --> 00:14:37,656
The show's set
in my own fantasy world. So?
293
00:14:37,657 --> 00:14:39,976
You can't just get a cab
back to your own fantasy world.
294
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:42,656
It's more complicated than that.
Is it?
295
00:14:42,657 --> 00:14:44,136
Yeah.
296
00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:47,257
There must be someone
that knows about this stuff.
297
00:14:47,257 --> 00:14:51,257
I'm Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
298
00:14:52,457 --> 00:14:56,377
? And this is my associate
Big Chief Woolabum Boomalackaway. ?
299
00:14:56,378 --> 00:14:58,896
Fantasy Man. He's great, isn't he?
300
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:00,136
Is he?
301
00:15:00,137 --> 00:15:04,137
Ah, young squire, I'll have a bacon
sandwich on the gluten-free bread
302
00:15:04,897 --> 00:15:06,456
and perhaps an Earl Grey tea.
303
00:15:06,457 --> 00:15:09,256
You can have builder's tea,
and I've only got rolls.
304
00:15:09,257 --> 00:15:11,856
Very well.
We'll be in this booth here.
305
00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:15,857
Fantasy Man... it's me, Noel.
306
00:15:16,377 --> 00:15:18,656
Ah, how are you, my good friend?
307
00:15:18,657 --> 00:15:21,536
Not great, actually. I've got to
get back to my own fantasy world.
308
00:15:21,537 --> 00:15:23,377
Well, maybe I can help you.
309
00:15:23,377 --> 00:15:24,896
Really? Yes.
310
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:27,776
Maybe I can take you back
to your fantasy world
311
00:15:27,777 --> 00:15:29,416
via my own fantasy world.
312
00:15:29,417 --> 00:15:31,096
Can you?
313
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,296
Yes, you see,
not many people know this
314
00:15:33,297 --> 00:15:35,936
but fantasy worlds
are indeed all connected.
315
00:15:35,937 --> 00:15:39,216
As it shows here on this map.
316
00:15:39,217 --> 00:15:41,736
Yeah, that's a tea towel, isn't it?
317
00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:44,376
In reality, yes, it does look
very much like a tea towel,
318
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,536
but when we enter the fantasy zone,
319
00:15:46,537 --> 00:15:50,176
this will become an intricate map
depicting all known fantasy worlds
320
00:15:50,177 --> 00:15:53,536
and how and where they meet.
321
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:54,776
Will it?
322
00:15:54,777 --> 00:15:57,256
Yes...
323
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,736
The Big Chief is right,
of course, because, you see,
324
00:15:59,737 --> 00:16:01,817
everything's different
in the fantasy world.
325
00:16:01,817 --> 00:16:04,257
Things are different
in the fantasy world Yes
326
00:16:04,258 --> 00:16:07,256
Towels are different
in the fantasy world Yes
327
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,456
Towels are different
in the fantasy world Yes
328
00:16:09,457 --> 00:16:11,736
Dancing's different
in the fantasy world Yes
329
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,416
? Unicorn... ?
No, they're the same.
330
00:16:13,417 --> 00:16:17,417
Everything's different
in the fantasy world Yes
331
00:16:18,017 --> 00:16:22,017
? La-la-la-la, la-la-la. ?
332
00:16:25,857 --> 00:16:27,416
So, what's this?
333
00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:31,417
In the fantasy world, this would become
a small explosive, like a tiny bomb.
334
00:16:32,737 --> 00:16:34,616
Are you going to eat that?
335
00:16:34,617 --> 00:16:36,376
No, thank you.
I'm gluten intolerant.
336
00:16:36,377 --> 00:16:38,416
Might save that for later.
337
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:40,416
So, this is the plan.
338
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,177
The four of us,
plus Plasticine Joey...
339
00:16:44,617 --> 00:16:46,696
..will meet at the entrance
to my fantasy world,
340
00:16:46,697 --> 00:16:49,416
whereupon we will enter
the Fantasy Zone
341
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,416
and then, once
we're in the Fantasy Zone,
342
00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:55,417
the Big Chief and I will take you
back to Painted Hawaii.
343
00:16:55,537 --> 00:16:58,256
Yeah... Er, where is the entrance
to your fantasy world, again?
344
00:16:58,257 --> 00:16:59,537
Just remind me.
345
00:17:00,897 --> 00:17:03,576
In the park, of course.
By the big tree.
346
00:17:03,577 --> 00:17:04,897
Come along, Chief.
347
00:17:11,737 --> 00:17:14,216
Oi, that's my tea towel.
348
00:17:14,217 --> 00:17:16,057
That's coming out your wages.
349
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:26,216
OK, everybody hold hands.
350
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:28,296
What about Joey?
He hasn't got any hands.
351
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,576
Smooth, put your arm
round young Joey.
352
00:17:30,577 --> 00:17:33,817
We're about to enter
the Fantasy Zone.
353
00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:36,457
About to enter the Fantasy Zone
Yeah
354
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:39,576
We're all entering
the Fantasy Zone Yeah
355
00:17:39,577 --> 00:17:42,137
About to enter the Fantasy Zone
Yeah
356
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:45,216
? About to the Fantasy Zone. ?
357
00:17:45,217 --> 00:17:48,096
Come along,
it'll only work if we all join in.
358
00:17:48,097 --> 00:17:50,216
Jesus, this is so embarrassing.
359
00:17:50,217 --> 00:17:52,736
I know, but let's just do it
and get out of here.
360
00:17:52,737 --> 00:17:55,657
Let us enter the Fantasy Zone
Yes
361
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,376
Time to enter the Fantasy Zone
Yeah
362
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,857
Time to enter the Fantasy Zone
Yeah
363
00:18:00,857 --> 00:18:03,296
Let us enter the Fantasy Zone
Yes
364
00:18:03,297 --> 00:18:05,816
Time to enter the Fantasy Zone
Yeah
365
00:18:05,817 --> 00:18:08,096
Fantasy Zone, Fantasy Zone
366
00:18:08,097 --> 00:18:12,097
? Time to enter
the Fantasy Zone... ?
367
00:18:15,497 --> 00:18:19,497
Wow! The Fantasy Zone is much larger
than most people anticipate.
368
00:18:19,937 --> 00:18:22,736
We'll certainly need transportation
369
00:18:22,737 --> 00:18:26,097
so I'll have to call Arnold 5
and his brothers.
370
00:18:30,657 --> 00:18:32,816
And here comes Arnold 5.
371
00:18:32,817 --> 00:18:34,176
Neigh.
372
00:18:34,177 --> 00:18:37,416
And, like clockwork,
his brother Arnold 4.
373
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,776
Woof.
374
00:18:38,777 --> 00:18:40,736
And here's Arnold 3.
375
00:18:40,737 --> 00:18:42,976
Spiky, spiky.
376
00:18:42,977 --> 00:18:45,456
And the bisexual Arnold 2.
377
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,856
Snail.
378
00:18:47,857 --> 00:18:51,857
And last, but not least, Arnold 1.
379
00:18:53,217 --> 00:18:55,776
Definitely having the hedgehog.
380
00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:58,056
Good to see all the Arnolds
together again.
381
00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:00,976
Usually only happens
now at Easter or Christmas.
382
00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:03,217
Yeah. What with modern life
as it is.
383
00:19:09,057 --> 00:19:10,576
What's going on over there?
384
00:19:10,577 --> 00:19:14,296
Ha! Those are the entrances
to the other fantasy worlds.
385
00:19:14,297 --> 00:19:16,857
Someone's poured cement
down the rabbit hole.
386
00:19:20,897 --> 00:19:23,216
Hmm.
387
00:19:23,217 --> 00:19:25,576
Oh, yeah, isn't that the wardrobe
that leads to Narnia?
388
00:19:25,577 --> 00:19:28,496
Yes, it is. It is the wardrobe
that leads to Narnia.
389
00:19:28,497 --> 00:19:31,496
All chained up,
like a Chinese biscuit.
390
00:19:31,497 --> 00:19:33,016
That's outrageous.
391
00:19:33,017 --> 00:19:37,017
Not quite sure whose fantasy world
that burning windmill's from.
392
00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:41,056
Don Quixote, isn't it?
393
00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:44,776
Don Quixote? Never heard of him.
394
00:19:44,777 --> 00:19:48,136
Yes... It's all starting
to make sense now.
395
00:19:48,137 --> 00:19:50,096
This is the work of Reality Man.
396
00:19:50,097 --> 00:19:53,456
Yeah, Reality Man, that's the guy
who's destroying my TV show.
397
00:19:53,457 --> 00:19:55,336
Really?
Well, why didn't you mention it?
398
00:19:55,337 --> 00:19:57,136
Well, I didn't think
it was important.
399
00:19:57,137 --> 00:19:58,976
Didn't think it was important?
400
00:19:58,977 --> 00:20:01,496
Didn't think it was important?!
401
00:20:01,497 --> 00:20:04,616
Young squire didn't think
it was important. No.
402
00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:07,416
"Oh, I knew about it,
didn't think it was important.
403
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:11,417
"Certainly heard about it,
just didn't think it was important."
404
00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:13,896
Dear, oh, dear!
Where have you been living?
405
00:20:13,897 --> 00:20:15,376
Yes!
406
00:20:15,377 --> 00:20:18,776
This character Reality Man
is a fantasy terrorist.
407
00:20:18,777 --> 00:20:21,056
Makes it his business
to go around the place
408
00:20:21,057 --> 00:20:24,536
destroying all known fantasy worlds.
409
00:20:24,537 --> 00:20:26,336
"Didn't think it was important!"
410
00:20:26,337 --> 00:20:28,256
Yeah, well, you know,
I didn't know, did I?
411
00:20:28,257 --> 00:20:30,456
Look, there he is!
412
00:20:30,457 --> 00:20:32,856
Well spotted, Big Chief!
413
00:20:32,857 --> 00:20:36,857
It's Richard Ayoade, innit?
414
00:20:40,377 --> 00:20:41,856
How are we going to handle this?
415
00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:43,736
I'll deal with this.
416
00:20:43,737 --> 00:20:45,736
You! Reality Man!
417
00:20:45,737 --> 00:20:49,737
Stop what you're doing at once!
418
00:20:49,977 --> 00:20:53,977
Oh, look - if it isn't Sandy.
419
00:20:55,417 --> 00:20:56,936
Sandy?
420
00:20:56,937 --> 00:20:59,936
Sandy?!
That's a Labrador's name, isn't it?
421
00:20:59,937 --> 00:21:01,856
It's a perfectly reasonable name.
422
00:21:01,857 --> 00:21:04,336
Yes, slightly '70s
and a little bit effeminate,
423
00:21:04,337 --> 00:21:06,256
but it's a good name,
a good, strong name.
424
00:21:06,257 --> 00:21:09,216
Yes, I'm Sandy. Sandy Fantasy Man.
425
00:21:09,217 --> 00:21:10,696
Now, you, Reality Man.
426
00:21:10,697 --> 00:21:13,576
I'm going to teach you a lesson
that you'll never forget
427
00:21:13,577 --> 00:21:16,096
with my fantasy fists
and intricate footwork.
428
00:21:16,097 --> 00:21:18,257
Come on!
Let's see what you've got!
429
00:21:32,537 --> 00:21:34,056
Oh, great.
430
00:21:34,057 --> 00:21:35,976
Now you, Fantasy Dick.
431
00:21:35,977 --> 00:21:37,776
Can you stop calling me
Fantasy Dick?
432
00:21:37,777 --> 00:21:40,256
All I'm getting is the image
of a Twister lolly as my penis.
433
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:41,416
It's quite weird.
434
00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:45,016
I'm going to destroy you with the
purest form of reality known to man.
435
00:21:45,017 --> 00:21:46,177
Death!
436
00:21:46,177 --> 00:21:47,697
You're going to kill us?
437
00:21:47,698 --> 00:21:50,496
Yes.
438
00:21:50,497 --> 00:21:51,776
With my reality bazooka.
439
00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:53,976
Reality bazooka?
440
00:21:53,977 --> 00:21:56,216
Oh, this show's embarrassing.
Yeah, all right.
441
00:21:56,217 --> 00:21:58,896
Prepare to die, fantasy berks.
442
00:21:58,897 --> 00:22:00,736
Can I ask you one question?
443
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:02,896
What?
Why do you hate fantasy so much?
444
00:22:02,897 --> 00:22:04,816
I just don't like made-up shit.
445
00:22:04,817 --> 00:22:06,256
Right. What about art?
446
00:22:06,257 --> 00:22:08,376
No. Animation?
447
00:22:08,377 --> 00:22:11,016
Get fucked.
Well, what do you do to escape?
448
00:22:11,017 --> 00:22:13,216
Panel shows. Panel shows?
449
00:22:13,217 --> 00:22:16,176
That's right. What's funnier
than five men in shiny shirts
450
00:22:16,177 --> 00:22:18,336
taking a sideways glance
at the week's news?
451
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,376
He's got a point, actually.
452
00:22:20,377 --> 00:22:22,856
Enough of this riffing,
prepare to die.
453
00:22:22,857 --> 00:22:24,776
Smooth, the bacon roll! What?
454
00:22:24,777 --> 00:22:27,776
The bacon roll! Pow!
455
00:22:27,777 --> 00:22:31,776
It's in your pouch, you moron.
456
00:22:31,777 --> 00:22:33,056
Oh, brilliant.
457
00:22:33,057 --> 00:22:35,376
A bacon roll that's also a bomb.
458
00:22:35,377 --> 00:22:39,377
Er, Salvador Dali called, he wants
his fucking ideas back.
459
00:22:43,337 --> 00:22:45,856
Well done, Smooth!
460
00:22:45,857 --> 00:22:47,376
Thanks, Sandy.
461
00:22:47,377 --> 00:22:51,377
Glad to be of service.
462
00:22:55,177 --> 00:22:56,776
People of Painted Hawaii,
463
00:22:56,777 --> 00:22:58,616
Reality Man is dead!
464
00:22:58,617 --> 00:23:01,256
This is once again a fantasy show!
465
00:23:01,257 --> 00:23:04,856
And remember, in a battle
between reality and fantasy,
466
00:23:04,857 --> 00:23:08,017
fantasy will always win.
467
00:23:14,977 --> 00:23:16,216
Guys, we're back!
468
00:23:16,217 --> 00:23:19,656
Look, everyone,
Captain Fantasy has returned,
469
00:23:19,657 --> 00:23:21,496
along with his cabin boy, Smooth!
470
00:23:21,497 --> 00:23:23,656
Great, let's all have a party,
why don't we?
471
00:23:23,657 --> 00:23:24,936
What's wrong with you?
472
00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:28,496
What's wrong with me is, I didn't
win the stupid reality TV show.
473
00:23:28,497 --> 00:23:32,497
That's a shame. Who did win?
474
00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:40,656
Yes, I think that was one of our
most successful quests to date,
475
00:23:40,657 --> 00:23:42,656
Big Chief Woolabum Boomalackaway.
476
00:23:42,657 --> 00:23:44,976
Yes, Sandy.
477
00:23:44,977 --> 00:23:48,456
Hey, you!
478
00:23:48,457 --> 00:23:50,576
Yeah, I'm talking to you,
bullet-head.
479
00:23:50,577 --> 00:23:53,976
This is a no-cycling zone.
Can't you read the sign?
480
00:23:53,977 --> 00:23:56,096
Sorry. Either of you two bozos
481
00:23:56,097 --> 00:23:58,216
know how I can get back
to Painted Hawaii?
482
00:23:58,217 --> 00:24:01,096
Actually, I have a map...
483
00:24:01,097 --> 00:24:04,336
There you go, my good friend.
Great. Cheers, pal.
484
00:24:04,337 --> 00:24:08,337
Come along, Chief.
Shepherd's pie for dinner.
485
00:24:08,457 --> 00:24:10,936
This is a tea towel,
you goddamned schmuck!
486
00:24:10,937 --> 00:24:13,856
Hooper, the guy's given me
a goddamned tea towel!
487
00:24:13,857 --> 00:24:15,417
Hooper! Hooper!
488
00:24:15,417 --> 00:24:17,697
Hooper! Arrest the guy
with a cup on his chin!
489
00:24:17,698 --> 00:24:20,016
Hooper! Where are you, Hooper?
490
00:24:20,017 --> 00:24:21,656
Hooper, I can't see you!
491
00:24:21,657 --> 00:24:23,976
Hooper!
492
00:24:23,977 --> 00:24:26,057
I don't know where I am!
493
00:24:27,777 --> 00:24:31,777
Hooper!
494
00:24:31,817 --> 00:24:35,697
Hooper!
495
00:24:38,735 --> 00:24:59,446
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
496
00:24:59,496 --> 00:25:04,046
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37776
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
