Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,144 --> 00:00:12,352
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
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00:00:12,466 --> 00:00:16,066
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
3
00:00:16,319 --> 00:00:17,759
Ha! It's luxury
4
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,200
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
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00:00:19,201 --> 00:00:20,638
Here it comes, here it comes
6
00:00:20,639 --> 00:00:22,119
Here it comes again, yeah!
7
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,319
It's luxury
8
00:00:23,319 --> 00:00:27,319
Here it comes, here it comes
Here it comes again, yeah
9
00:00:28,759 --> 00:00:31,118
La la la-la-la-la-la-la!
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00:00:31,119 --> 00:00:33,758
La la la-la-la-la!
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00:00:33,759 --> 00:00:36,718
La la la-la-la-la-la-la!
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00:00:36,719 --> 00:00:39,103
? La la la-la-la-la! ?
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00:00:39,128 --> 00:00:43,016
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
14
00:00:43,017 --> 00:00:45,777
Hi. Welcome to the show.
Got a bit of a confession to make.
15
00:00:45,778 --> 00:00:48,818
Haven't actually written an ending
to this episode. It's fine, though.
16
00:00:48,819 --> 00:00:50,937
I mean, does a story
really have to have
17
00:00:50,938 --> 00:00:52,938
a beginning, a middle and an ending?
18
00:00:52,938 --> 00:00:55,578
Of course it does, Noel.
That's the definition of a story.
19
00:00:55,579 --> 00:00:59,577
Smooth, if this show didn't have
an ending, would you be bothered?
20
00:00:59,578 --> 00:01:00,737
What show?
21
00:01:00,738 --> 00:01:04,177
This show. The show we're making now
for television. Seen the cameras?
22
00:01:04,178 --> 00:01:05,777
Put me down as a maybe.
23
00:01:05,778 --> 00:01:09,537
Ha-ha! See? People are
pretty laid-back around here.
24
00:01:09,538 --> 00:01:11,977
No-one cares
whether there's an ending or not.
25
00:01:11,978 --> 00:01:13,777
Noel! Noel! Noel! There's no ending!
26
00:01:13,778 --> 00:01:16,897
There's no ending. I've looked
everywhere. Calm down, Andy.
27
00:01:16,898 --> 00:01:19,057
But why have you not written
an ending?
28
00:01:19,058 --> 00:01:21,137
Well, I was quite tired,
plus I had a stitch.
29
00:01:21,138 --> 00:01:24,537
But... But what about the people
who watch this show, the viewers?
30
00:01:24,538 --> 00:01:26,377
What, Terry?
31
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:30,057
Yes. He'll be OK. He doesn't mind
whether there's an ending or not.
32
00:01:30,058 --> 00:01:33,017
Have you heard of
the butterfly effect?
33
00:01:33,018 --> 00:01:36,577
Er... not sure.
34
00:01:36,578 --> 00:01:38,777
A butterfly flaps its wings
in Brazil,
35
00:01:38,778 --> 00:01:40,537
causing a hurricane in China.
36
00:01:40,538 --> 00:01:42,377
I have heard of that.
I love that, actually.
37
00:01:42,378 --> 00:01:45,497
Due to my calculations, if you don't
write an ending to the show,
38
00:01:45,498 --> 00:01:49,017
Terry, our only viewer,
will be killed by an asteroid.
39
00:01:49,018 --> 00:01:51,617
In simple terms, Noel...
40
00:01:51,618 --> 00:01:55,577
you are the butterfly.
41
00:01:55,578 --> 00:01:57,137
That's no good,
I hate butterflies.
42
00:01:57,138 --> 00:01:58,937
They're so pretentious.
I prefer moths.
43
00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:01,657
You know, like '70s butterflies,
quite tatty and corduroy.
44
00:02:01,658 --> 00:02:03,577
"Hey, man. What's happening?"
Noel!
45
00:02:03,578 --> 00:02:06,217
I don't think you've understood
the gravity of the situation.
46
00:02:06,218 --> 00:02:08,657
This is not a game of
insect Top Trumps. Isn't it?
47
00:02:08,658 --> 00:02:10,057
No! Right.
48
00:02:10,058 --> 00:02:12,457
So, if I don't write
an ending to the show,
49
00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:15,337
Terry, our only viewer, is
going to be killed by an asteroid?
50
00:02:15,338 --> 00:02:16,858
Yes.
51
00:02:24,138 --> 00:02:27,057
Can't believe it. Terry can't die.
I love Terry.
52
00:02:27,058 --> 00:02:31,058
And he's stuck with me through thick
and thin. Remember the DVD signing?
53
00:02:34,058 --> 00:02:36,777
Ha-ha-ha! Terry!
Hey! All right, Noel?
54
00:02:36,778 --> 00:02:38,017
I knew you'd be first.
55
00:02:38,018 --> 00:02:39,937
Hey. Aw, brilliant.
56
00:02:39,938 --> 00:02:42,857
Ha-ha-ha-ha! There you go, mate.
57
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:45,777
Aw, brilliant. Best show ever!
58
00:02:45,778 --> 00:02:49,778
See you, Terry.
59
00:02:52,898 --> 00:02:54,497
Who shall I make this out to?
60
00:02:54,498 --> 00:02:57,777
Er... Vladimir. Didn't
know we had any fans in Russia.
61
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,937
Yeah, there's loads.
62
00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:02,777
There you go, Vladimir.
Ah, cheers, Noel. Er...
63
00:03:02,778 --> 00:03:06,778
Best show ever.
Ha-ha-ha!
64
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:12,297
Hi. My name's Zeus.
65
00:03:12,298 --> 00:03:14,977
Can I, er... can I have
a DVD signed...
66
00:03:14,978 --> 00:03:17,257
signed for my wife, please?
67
00:03:17,258 --> 00:03:20,457
Er... she's called Ian... er... Lucy.
68
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:22,778
Look, Terry, you don't have to do
this. It's all right.
69
00:03:22,778 --> 00:03:25,817
Listen, Noel...
70
00:03:25,818 --> 00:03:28,177
I've got a bag full of disguises
in a truck outside.
71
00:03:28,178 --> 00:03:29,577
I am not leaving this shop
72
00:03:29,578 --> 00:03:32,058
until all of these DVDs
have been paid for and signed.
73
00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:34,657
Terry, I love you.
74
00:03:34,658 --> 00:03:37,577
Best show ever!
75
00:03:37,578 --> 00:03:39,217
I can't believe he's going to die.
76
00:03:39,218 --> 00:03:41,817
He doesn't have to die.
Just write an ending, why don't you?
77
00:03:41,818 --> 00:03:45,018
Exactly. I can't write any more.
Why not?
78
00:03:45,018 --> 00:03:47,978
I've got a fantasy block.
79
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:54,178
Fantasy block? Ha-ha!
What the hell is fantasy block?
80
00:03:54,179 --> 00:03:56,857
It's not a joke for everyone
to have a little chuckle at.
81
00:03:56,858 --> 00:03:58,737
It's a weird strain
of writer's block.
82
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,617
Stops you having fantastical ideas.
83
00:04:00,618 --> 00:04:02,017
You've made that up, Noel.
84
00:04:02,018 --> 00:04:03,977
The thing about fantasy block is
85
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:07,577
it's not that you can't write
anything, just factual stuff,
86
00:04:07,578 --> 00:04:10,017
and I've tried to write an ending
for the show three times.
87
00:04:10,018 --> 00:04:12,218
All I've come up with
is these car manuals.
88
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:15,537
The Vauxhall Viva one's a treat.
89
00:04:15,538 --> 00:04:19,538
And these pamphlets
for the local church on Jesus.
90
00:04:19,658 --> 00:04:22,537
Although they are borderline
fantasy, thinking about it. Ha!
91
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:26,417
Jesus Christ! Terry is doomed.
92
00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:28,857
Fantasy block?
It's psychological, ain't it?
93
00:04:28,858 --> 00:04:30,817
It's like sexy times.
94
00:04:30,818 --> 00:04:32,577
If you think about it too much,
95
00:04:32,578 --> 00:04:34,977
you can't get any crunch
in your biscuit.
96
00:04:34,978 --> 00:04:36,737
Ha-ha-ha!
97
00:04:36,738 --> 00:04:40,058
We've all suffered
from soft chocolate, Noel.
98
00:04:40,058 --> 00:04:44,058
Oh! Floppy bourbon.
99
00:04:44,938 --> 00:04:47,617
I know it's psychological,
but what am I going to do about it?
100
00:04:47,618 --> 00:04:51,618
Oh, mm, ah, my friend Salvador Dali
once had fantasy block. Really?
101
00:04:51,818 --> 00:04:54,457
Yes, for two years,
he could have no fantastical ideas.
102
00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:58,137
So what happened to him?
He was forced to become a rent boy
103
00:04:58,138 --> 00:05:01,097
and eventually contracted syphilis
of the eyes, nose and brain.
104
00:05:01,098 --> 00:05:02,657
Oh... Brilliant.
105
00:05:02,658 --> 00:05:04,738
OK, well, see you all
at Terry's funeral.
106
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:08,738
Smooth, you sort out a wreath, yeah?
107
00:05:16,178 --> 00:05:18,538
All right, Tod? Is Tony about?
I need a word with him.
108
00:05:18,539 --> 00:05:21,617
No, he's popped to Pret, hasn't he?
You know, we take turns.
109
00:05:21,618 --> 00:05:23,537
He's gone to get me
my crayfish salad.
110
00:05:23,538 --> 00:05:26,217
He's a vegan, isn't he?
He's so boring with food.
111
00:05:26,218 --> 00:05:29,057
It makes it a nightmare in here.
You can't get anything.
112
00:05:29,058 --> 00:05:31,537
He likes a bit of tofu, don't he?
Oh, I don't understand...
113
00:05:31,538 --> 00:05:34,537
I mean, what is... what are
the constituent parts of tofu?
114
00:05:34,538 --> 00:05:37,977
It's a weird colour, ain't it, tofu?
Well, it's... Sort of light grey.
115
00:05:37,978 --> 00:05:39,897
I don't know what it is.
116
00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:42,978
Show me the person who can
tell me what the fuck tofu is...
117
00:05:42,978 --> 00:05:44,898
..and I'll give them a medal.
118
00:05:44,899 --> 00:05:47,657
Cos no-one knows what it is.
It's just a name.
119
00:05:47,658 --> 00:05:49,297
It's like a shadow.
120
00:05:49,298 --> 00:05:50,977
Anyway, what can I do you for?
121
00:05:50,978 --> 00:05:52,738
I've got a bit of a problem,
actually.
122
00:05:52,738 --> 00:05:54,538
I haven't written an ending
to my show.
123
00:05:54,539 --> 00:05:55,777
Is that a problem? I mean...?
124
00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:59,297
With all due respect, do any of them
have endings? They kind of peter out.
125
00:05:59,298 --> 00:06:00,857
It's not that.
126
00:06:00,858 --> 00:06:03,537
It's just that, you know,
if I don't write an ending,
127
00:06:03,538 --> 00:06:06,577
Terry, our only viewer, is going to
get killed by an asteroid.
128
00:06:06,578 --> 00:06:09,857
All right. In which case,
maybe write an ending.
129
00:06:09,858 --> 00:06:11,817
Yeah, it's not that simple,
is it, Tod?
130
00:06:11,818 --> 00:06:13,777
Right, is it not?
It's not that simple.
131
00:06:13,778 --> 00:06:15,897
I mean, I've got fantasy block.
Fantasy block.
132
00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:17,377
I can't write an ending.
133
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,337
Right. Well, I had a very similar
problem with Chesney Hawkes
134
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,217
back in the day.
He had melody block.
135
00:06:22,218 --> 00:06:25,777
Melody block? Melody block,
for 21 brutal years.
136
00:06:25,778 --> 00:06:29,057
And I'll say to you exactly
the same thing I said to him.
137
00:06:29,058 --> 00:06:31,057
Put a face to it. Yeah?
138
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,297
Put a face to it?
Put a face to it, Ches.
139
00:06:33,298 --> 00:06:35,817
If you can see it,
then you can beat it.
140
00:06:35,818 --> 00:06:38,097
Visualise it. What kind of fella
are we dealing with?
141
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:42,098
Draw a picture of it. Then it exists.
Then you can beat it.
142
00:06:42,738 --> 00:06:44,777
Do you know what?
That's quite a good idea.
143
00:06:44,778 --> 00:06:47,617
Yes, well, thank you. You've been
really helpful. Thanks, Tod.
144
00:06:47,618 --> 00:06:49,697
Just think of it as advice
145
00:06:49,698 --> 00:06:53,698
from a wise, old hammerhead-shark
music producer
146
00:06:53,858 --> 00:06:57,858
to a slightly younger, backward man
such as yourself.
147
00:06:59,298 --> 00:07:02,018
I've gotta go. Yes, you do.
148
00:07:06,898 --> 00:07:09,938
They ran out of crayfish so I had to
get you a cheese sandwich.
149
00:07:09,939 --> 00:07:12,977
Oh, for God...
Did you at least get some crisps?
150
00:07:12,978 --> 00:07:14,857
Got you some vegetable chips.
151
00:07:14,858 --> 00:07:18,417
Oh, those aren't crisps.
They are not crisps.
152
00:07:18,418 --> 00:07:20,057
I could rustle up a sort of...
153
00:07:20,058 --> 00:07:21,977
Don't say it... tofu burrito?
154
00:07:21,978 --> 00:07:23,257
No! No?
155
00:07:23,258 --> 00:07:27,258
Not tofu. The day you can tell me
what tofu is, I will eat it.
156
00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:30,497
What is it? What's it made from?
157
00:07:30,498 --> 00:07:33,577
Miracles.
158
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,338
Fuck that noise.
159
00:07:39,098 --> 00:07:42,578
OK. Right, Andy. I'm going to
describe my fantasy block, yeah,
160
00:07:42,579 --> 00:07:44,017
and you're going to visualise it.
161
00:07:44,018 --> 00:07:48,017
OK, I am ready. Describe.
OK, right.
162
00:07:48,018 --> 00:07:50,577
Fantasy block, fantasy block. Ooh.
163
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:52,337
He's quite big, yeah?
He's quite rotund.
164
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:54,337
But he looks quite cool.
He's quite stylish.
165
00:07:54,338 --> 00:07:57,537
A bit like a Leigh Bowery creation.
This is good, this is good.
166
00:07:57,538 --> 00:07:59,737
Although he's big,
he's got feminine boots on,
167
00:07:59,738 --> 00:08:01,217
sort of red feminine boots,
168
00:08:01,218 --> 00:08:03,537
and he moves very gracefully,
very light on his feet.
169
00:08:03,538 --> 00:08:05,537
Yeah, I went out with a guy like that
in Hamburg.
170
00:08:05,538 --> 00:08:07,297
A sort of chubby, fashionable mamby.
171
00:08:07,298 --> 00:08:10,217
Had amazing boots,
but turned out to be a dick.
172
00:08:10,218 --> 00:08:11,417
Before or after we went out?
173
00:08:11,418 --> 00:08:14,337
There was a little overlap.
A small overlap?
174
00:08:14,338 --> 00:08:16,537
All right, he's got, erm...
I thought of something.
175
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,057
He's got, erm... pants
made out of council tax bills, yeah?
176
00:08:19,058 --> 00:08:23,058
Ha-ha! And he's got syringes
for eyes. "Urgh!" Quite sinister.
177
00:08:23,338 --> 00:08:27,097
And, erm... he's got a designer
handbag, a lady's handbag,
178
00:08:27,098 --> 00:08:29,257
and inside it,
if you open up and look inside,
179
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:31,577
you can see two egg sandwiches
and an eviction notice.
180
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:34,657
Right, Noel,
I cannot draw inside a handbag.
181
00:08:34,658 --> 00:08:38,537
Ha-ha! Yeah, sorry. I quite fancy
an egg sandwich. That's great.
182
00:08:38,538 --> 00:08:40,817
Thing is, right, he's got
two golden hammers, yeah,
183
00:08:40,818 --> 00:08:42,177
and this is the important bit,
184
00:08:42,178 --> 00:08:45,417
and he uses them to smash down
my fantastical ideas.
185
00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:48,937
"Whoa, pu pu ay yah!"
186
00:08:48,938 --> 00:08:50,258
What a chunky bastard!
187
00:08:50,258 --> 00:08:52,657
You're not wrong.
188
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:56,178
Is this him? Yeah, that's him.
189
00:08:56,178 --> 00:09:00,178
That's him all right!
190
00:09:01,498 --> 00:09:03,457
Oh, this is ridiculous.
191
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:04,817
Noel, what's wrong?
192
00:09:04,818 --> 00:09:08,497
No, it's just, you know, Tod said
if I visualise my fantasy block,
193
00:09:08,498 --> 00:09:10,577
you know, if I put a face to it,
it would exist.
194
00:09:10,578 --> 00:09:13,417
Oh, my God, Noel!
I think it does exist.
195
00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:17,418
Well, either that
or it's my ex-boyfriend.
196
00:09:19,378 --> 00:09:22,457
Imagine a mouth with rulers for
legs, measuring stuff as he runs...
197
00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:23,857
No!
198
00:09:23,858 --> 00:09:27,377
Imagine if you could get religious
cordial. It would taste of hymns.
199
00:09:27,378 --> 00:09:29,377
No!
200
00:09:29,378 --> 00:09:32,097
Imagine looking at your penis,
but it's an Indian man's finger.
201
00:09:32,098 --> 00:09:33,377
No!
202
00:09:33,378 --> 00:09:37,378
Oh, my God! I didn't think
he was going to be so big.
203
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,338
Oi, mate!
204
00:09:41,618 --> 00:09:43,577
Stop blocking
all my fantastical ideas!
205
00:09:43,578 --> 00:09:45,777
I need those.
They're all plausible endings.
206
00:09:45,778 --> 00:09:49,657
Fee, fi, fo, fum!
207
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:53,658
I smell the fantastical ideas
of an Englishman!
208
00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:58,217
Yeah, great, good for you.
I don't think you understand.
209
00:09:58,218 --> 00:10:00,137
I've put a face to you,
which means you exist,
210
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:01,497
which means I can destroy you,
211
00:10:01,498 --> 00:10:03,737
leaving me free to write
an ending to the show,
212
00:10:03,738 --> 00:10:05,297
so I can save Terry,
our only viewer,
213
00:10:05,298 --> 00:10:07,298
from being destroyed
by an asteroid. Ha-ha!
214
00:10:09,298 --> 00:10:12,537
Oh, who wrote this show?
215
00:10:12,538 --> 00:10:14,658
Couldn't have been me.
I've got fantasy block.
216
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,160
No!
217
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,760
Imagine being interfered with
by a cockerel with no eyes.
218
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,560
Who would you turn to? No!
219
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,560
Imagine if you could
taste your dreams.
220
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:31,929
No!
221
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:33,330
Imagine rolling up your shadow
222
00:10:33,330 --> 00:10:35,130
and inserting it
into your dad's anus.
223
00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:36,329
No!
224
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,089
Imagine a motorbike
made of jealousy...
225
00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:41,649
'I mean, look at him out there,
smashing up my fantastical ideas.'
226
00:10:41,650 --> 00:10:45,009
It's not on. I'll have to get
in touch with the authorities.
227
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,529
Smooth!
228
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:47,890
Can you go and get New York Cop?
229
00:10:47,891 --> 00:10:49,330
It's my lunch break.
230
00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:51,329
All right, I've taken care of that.
231
00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:53,889
Made you a little packed lunch.
232
00:10:53,890 --> 00:10:55,929
What's in this? Ants.
233
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,169
An ant sandwich?
234
00:10:57,170 --> 00:10:58,849
Yeah, with a bit of piccalilli.
235
00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:00,209
Is that what you think I eat?
236
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,769
You're an anteater, aren't you?
237
00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,929
Yeah, I've told you before,
I'm mixed-race.
238
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,689
My mum's an anteater, my dad's a man.
239
00:11:05,690 --> 00:11:07,449
No matter how many times
you tell me that,
240
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:10,169
I can never fully
get my head round it.
241
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,810
And tell New York Cop to come
and arrest Fantasy Block.
242
00:11:12,811 --> 00:11:14,530
Tell him to bring some guns.
243
00:11:14,530 --> 00:11:18,530
Yes, and a Taser for his balls.
244
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:36,450
Hooper! What about a cheese toastie
out here? I am starving.
245
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:39,409
No coriander, my friend.
I repeat, no coriander.
246
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:43,410
Otherwise I'll have you
publically flogged.
247
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,009
All right, Raymond?
248
00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:49,010
Smooth! Have a seat.
249
00:11:49,490 --> 00:11:51,729
You like the reggae music, Smooth?
250
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:54,489
The deep sounds of the Rasta folk?
251
00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:55,649
I like Lee Scratch Perry.
252
00:11:55,650 --> 00:11:58,849
Lee Scratch Perry and the Upsetters.
I love the Rastas.
253
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:02,809
Those willowy men, clouded in
a puff of doobie smoke.
254
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:05,769
How can I help you,
my young, violet friend?
255
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:07,889
I'm here on behalf of Noel.
He needs your help.
256
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:09,809
Jesus, what is it this time?
257
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,769
There's a big monster
called Fantasy Block.
258
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:13,689
A big monster called Fantasy Block.
259
00:12:13,690 --> 00:12:14,769
And?
260
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,929
He's stopping Noel having
any fantastical ideas.
261
00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:18,569
So what does he want me
to do about it?
262
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:21,449
He wants you to arrest it.
Or shoot it in the face.
263
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:24,449
I cannot do that. I'm rape and
murder. You know that, Smooth.
264
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:27,009
Besides, it's good that's
someone's stopping Noel
265
00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:28,409
having fantastical ideas.
266
00:12:28,410 --> 00:12:32,089
Why? Well, these fantasy people
wandering around in a daydream,
267
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:33,690
they're a threat to society, Smooth.
268
00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:36,730
Let me give you an example of that.
They make my job a lot harder.
269
00:12:36,731 --> 00:12:38,769
"Hey, you! You pay your taxes!"
270
00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:41,289
"Oh, I can't, I'm making
a canoe out of vultures."
271
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,729
"A canoe out of vultures?
What is this shit?"
272
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,369
Hooper, these fantasy people
wandering around in a daydream,
273
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:47,889
making canoes out of vultures.
274
00:12:47,890 --> 00:12:49,809
What are they, Hooper?
275
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,489
'Erm, they're a threat to society?'
276
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:54,529
You're damn right
they're a threat to society.
277
00:12:54,530 --> 00:12:56,249
So that's a no then, is it?
278
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:57,689
Yeah, it's a no.
279
00:12:57,690 --> 00:13:00,009
What if I was to ask you again?
280
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:04,010
But maybe this time
slip a little something your way?
281
00:13:05,770 --> 00:13:07,409
What is this, Smooth?
282
00:13:07,410 --> 00:13:08,569
It's an ant sandwich.
283
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,449
An ant sandwich?
284
00:13:10,450 --> 00:13:12,769
Are you trying to bribe
an officer of the law
285
00:13:12,770 --> 00:13:14,049
with an insect baguette?
286
00:13:14,050 --> 00:13:16,009
Not really, I just didn't want it.
287
00:13:16,010 --> 00:13:18,089
OK, Smooth.
We've been friends a long time,
288
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,249
so I'm going to let
this sorry incident pass.
289
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:22,169
But you better
leave this office right now
290
00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:23,689
and think about what you just did
291
00:13:23,690 --> 00:13:25,609
and the moral implications
of that thing
292
00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:29,129
and the position you put me in.
293
00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:30,369
All right.
294
00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:33,369
You made a mess of our relationship.
295
00:13:33,370 --> 00:13:37,370
Hooper, what about the reggae again?
You pump that into me.
296
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:42,050
OK, let's see what's going on
with the ant sandwich.
297
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:47,289
Mmm.
298
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:51,290
Delicious.
299
00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:53,769
Imagine bread in the shape
of a question mark,
300
00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:55,609
then you could make
"what" sandwiches.
301
00:13:55,610 --> 00:13:56,849
No!
302
00:13:56,850 --> 00:14:00,129
Imagine wearing a hat
under your own hair. No!
303
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:03,089
Imagine your hands were so soft,
you try and catch a bubble
304
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:04,449
and your hands burst. No!
305
00:14:04,450 --> 00:14:07,489
Imagine a moth pope. No! Imagine
a cat pope. No! Yeah, but... No!
306
00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:08,649
Yeah, but imagine... No!
307
00:14:08,650 --> 00:14:10,129
Imagine inventing the cone. No!
308
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:12,529
Imagine. No! Imagine. No!
Imagine. No!
309
00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:14,689
Imagine. No!
310
00:14:14,690 --> 00:14:18,690
No! No! No! No!
311
00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:21,169
Imagine a milkshake,
Al-Qaeda flavour.
312
00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:25,170
No!
313
00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,569
Where's New York Cop?
He's not coming.
314
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,009
Why not? He said you're
a threat to society.
315
00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:34,809
A threat to society?
316
00:14:34,810 --> 00:14:37,649
Hear that? I'm a threat to society.
317
00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:39,929
I might start carrying
a blade around, in there.
318
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,329
Noel, what about Terry?
319
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:44,409
Yeah, that's a good point.
What about Terry?
320
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:46,089
All right, guys. Terry?
321
00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:48,809
It's Terry.
322
00:14:48,810 --> 00:14:50,609
All right, mate.
How are you? All right.
323
00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:51,729
Have a seat. Muffin?
324
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:53,449
No, no. You're all right.
325
00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:57,369
Listen, I've just been watching
this show. It is brilliant.
326
00:14:57,370 --> 00:14:58,409
You're on it now.
327
00:14:58,410 --> 00:15:01,449
Oh, yeah. I suppose I am.
328
00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:03,449
Hey, Noel. Is it all right
if I say hello to Julie
329
00:15:03,450 --> 00:15:05,089
who works with me
at the garden centre?
330
00:15:05,090 --> 00:15:06,849
Yeah, of course.
Use that camera there.
331
00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:08,569
All right.
332
00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:11,089
All right, Julie?
333
00:15:11,090 --> 00:15:12,329
She doesn't watch this show.
334
00:15:12,330 --> 00:15:13,889
Course not, you're our only viewer.
335
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:15,409
Yeah, she hates it.
336
00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:17,009
Listen, I just thought I'd come down
337
00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:19,289
because I know you've all
been working really hard,
338
00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:20,609
trying to beat Fantasy Block
339
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:23,409
and write an ending to the show
so I don't get killed by an asteroid.
340
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:26,009
Of course we are, Terry. We love
you, we don't want you to die.
341
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,249
Aw, thanks.
342
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:29,929
But listen, don't beat
yourself up about it.
343
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:32,089
I won't hold it against you.
344
00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:35,209
I love you guys,
and I love this show.
345
00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:37,889
Terry, that is so brave.
346
00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:41,890
I'm so hot for you right now.
347
00:15:42,050 --> 00:15:43,689
Thanks!
348
00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:46,009
Thing is, you see, Noel,
349
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:49,769
getting hit by an asteroid. That's
a pretty fantastical way to go.
350
00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:51,609
Imagine my gravestone.
351
00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:54,449
"Terry. Killed by an asteroid."
352
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:56,049
Imagine that? It's perfect.
353
00:15:56,050 --> 00:15:59,329
It's like something out of
one of your shows, isn't it, Noel?
354
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:01,089
It's that kind of thing. I know.
355
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,489
So, anyway, I'd better dash.
356
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,529
Oh, come on, Terry,
you can stay for a bit.
357
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,329
No, I borrowed
my brother's van to get here
358
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:07,969
and he needs it for work
in the morning.
359
00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,649
Fair enough.
360
00:16:09,650 --> 00:16:12,609
All right. See you.
Bye, Terry. See you, Terry.
361
00:16:12,610 --> 00:16:14,529
Oh, one other thing.
362
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:17,609
I don't mean to speak out of turn,
obviously this is entirely up to you
363
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:21,610
but, if you did want to save me,
why not ask Fantasy Man to help?
364
00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,770
? Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man! ?
365
00:16:24,770 --> 00:16:27,409
Oh, you do it better than me.
366
00:16:27,410 --> 00:16:29,489
Best show ever! Bye, Terry.
367
00:16:29,490 --> 00:16:32,689
See you, Terry. Bye, Terry.
Thanks for coming, Terry.
368
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:35,049
Bye. Terry, see you.
369
00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:37,249
I love Terry. He's adorable.
I know, me too.
370
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:40,249
People about to die have
such a sexy glow to them.
371
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,729
I know. A doomed man often
makes my orbs fizz.
372
00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:46,009
Yes. Terry is a very sexy man.
373
00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:48,209
But you must phone Fantasy Man
before it's too late.
374
00:16:48,210 --> 00:16:50,489
Yeah, all right. I'll do it.
What are you going to do?
375
00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:52,449
Sanitise the coffee grinder.
376
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:53,529
Good thinking.
377
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:55,089
Dolly, could you phone Fantasy Man?
378
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,129
Why me?
379
00:16:56,130 --> 00:16:58,369
Well, you're a woman,
it'd be better coming from you.
380
00:16:58,370 --> 00:16:59,649
A sort of damsel in distress.
381
00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:01,249
That is so sexist.
382
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:04,569
It's not sexist. He thinks
he's a knight from the 15th century.
383
00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,689
OK, I'll do it. Brilliant.
384
00:17:06,690 --> 00:17:09,409
OK, you're going to have to
couch it in his own terms, yeah?
385
00:17:09,410 --> 00:17:13,410
Keep the dialogue quite medieval.
He only usually takes noble quests.
386
00:17:13,730 --> 00:17:15,849
Couch it in his own terms?
What is this?
387
00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:19,850
Can you stop being sarcastic just
for one moment and do this for me?
388
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:36,010
Hello? Fantasy Man here,
can I help you?
389
00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:38,529
Yeah, hi, it's, erm,
Princess Dolly,
390
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:41,209
and I'm calling from
a castle in Hawaii.
391
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:44,089
Ah, Castle Hawaii. Princess Dolly.
392
00:17:44,090 --> 00:17:47,289
How may I assist you,
sweet fair maiden?
393
00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:51,290
Well, there is an ogre outside
the castle called Fantasy Block.
394
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:55,489
Fantasy Block? I've never heard
of him. What's he doing, exactly?
395
00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:59,490
Basically he's just being
a total dick.
396
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,609
Don't swear. He hates swearing.
Keep it medieval.
397
00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:06,610
I mean... Help! He's blocking
everyone's fantastical ideas.
398
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:08,409
Well, we must act fast
399
00:18:08,410 --> 00:18:11,489
and stop this mischief-maker
dead in his tracks.
400
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,729
If he succeeds in blocking
all things fantastical,
401
00:18:13,730 --> 00:18:17,329
he'll waste no time in moving on to
absurdism, and then perhaps whimsy.
402
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,929
Soon enough we'll all be
drowning in a sea of facts.
403
00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:23,930
Drying out on a riverbed of reality.
We certainly can't have that.
404
00:18:24,650 --> 00:18:26,249
So are you going to come?
405
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:30,250
Yes, of course I'll come.
406
00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:38,050
Hmm.
407
00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:42,130
I'll have to go through
the Triangle Of Destiny.
408
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:54,290
Look, it's Fantasy Man. He's come
through the Triangle Of Destiny
409
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:01,569
Yeah, he's come though, all right.
But what's he doing, exactly?
410
00:19:01,570 --> 00:19:03,169
I'd say he was falling.
411
00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:06,729
I'd say he was more plummeting.
Plummeting to a watery grave.
412
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,729
Hang on. There's someone else coming
through the Triangle Of Destiny.
413
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:12,289
That's Big Chief Woolabum
Boomalackaway.
414
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:14,649
Who? Big Chief Woolabum
Boomalackaway.
415
00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:18,650
Hmm.
416
00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:25,609
Where on Earth have you two been?
417
00:19:25,610 --> 00:19:27,329
Just got back from Bestival.
418
00:19:27,330 --> 00:19:29,649
Bestival? That was two weeks ago.
419
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:33,650
Yes.
420
00:19:33,930 --> 00:19:37,249
I see that Arnold 5 has a stunning
new pair of Pegasus wings.
421
00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:39,849
Yeah, they're basically
giant-sized rave gloves.
422
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:42,769
We borrowed them
off my friend Clive.
423
00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:45,209
Good God, how big is
this Clive character?
424
00:19:45,210 --> 00:19:46,889
Same height as me.
425
00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:49,010
Ah, joyful banter.
426
00:19:49,010 --> 00:19:51,529
Anyway, on with
the business at hand -
427
00:19:51,530 --> 00:19:54,729
namely, destroying one Fantasy Block.
428
00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:57,089
Oh, he's a big man.
429
00:19:57,090 --> 00:19:59,049
Look at the size of his pants.
430
00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:02,449
Right, then. Arnold 5,
prepare the fantasy cannon.
431
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:06,450
Oh, baby.
432
00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:13,009
Arnold 5, I know the fantasy cannon
is essentially your penis,
433
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:15,370
but do you have to
make it quite so sexual?
434
00:20:15,371 --> 00:20:18,490
Right, Big Chief, have you
prepared the ammunition? Yes.
435
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:22,490
Let's have a look at it.
436
00:20:22,730 --> 00:20:24,209
Ah, perfect.
437
00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:25,849
Pieces of broken rainbow,
438
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,649
fused with the actual shit
of Terry Gilliam.
439
00:20:28,650 --> 00:20:31,409
If that doesn't work,
I'll eat it myself.
440
00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:34,649
Let's lock and load.
441
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:38,650
Aim!
442
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:42,810
Fire!
443
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:49,209
Do it now, Big Chief!
444
00:20:49,210 --> 00:20:51,849
Fee-fi-fo-fum,
445
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,850
I see the shit of Terry Gilliam.
446
00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:10,690
Yeah! Take that, you brute.
447
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:15,730
Hi, Fantasy Man. It's me, Princess
Dolly. I'm so hot for you right now.
448
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,889
Yes, it is rather close, isn't it?
449
00:21:20,890 --> 00:21:22,969
Quite a balmy evening.
450
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:26,929
Goodbye!
451
00:21:26,930 --> 00:21:30,930
I've got it!
The ending for the show.
452
00:21:35,570 --> 00:21:38,770
OK, everyone. I'm in a canoe
made of vultures. We all are.
453
00:21:38,770 --> 00:21:40,649
And we've saved Terry.
454
00:21:40,650 --> 00:21:44,650
Thanks, guys. Best show ever.
455
00:21:44,730 --> 00:21:48,210
Terry on the beach
in the morning sun
456
00:21:48,210 --> 00:21:51,409
Lifts up his skirt
for the fisherman
457
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:54,489
Terry does some dancing
to lose control
458
00:21:54,490 --> 00:21:58,489
Now he's on the ground
Does a forward roll
459
00:21:58,490 --> 00:22:01,249
Terry loves fantasy
Oh, yeah
460
00:22:01,250 --> 00:22:04,810
He doesn't love reality
Oh, no
461
00:22:04,810 --> 00:22:07,689
Luxury comedy
Oh, yeah
462
00:22:07,690 --> 00:22:11,409
Watched by a minority
Oh, no
463
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:14,529
Picking up the pieces
of his broken life
464
00:22:14,530 --> 00:22:18,089
Staring at the body
of his sleeping wife
465
00:22:18,090 --> 00:22:21,489
Goes into the street
and he never coming back
466
00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:24,609
Mumbles to himself
"I've had enough of that"
467
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:27,609
Terry loves fantasy
Oh, yeah
468
00:22:27,610 --> 00:22:31,249
He doesn't like reality
Oh, no
469
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:34,570
Fantasy comedy
Oh, yeah
470
00:22:34,570 --> 00:22:36,769
? A threat to society
Oh, no... ?
471
00:22:36,770 --> 00:22:39,129
That's right, a threat to society,
everyone hear that?
472
00:22:39,130 --> 00:22:42,729
Bumba-wa-yay
Bumba-wa-yay
473
00:22:42,730 --> 00:22:44,729
Bumba-wa-yay
Bumba-wa-yay
474
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:48,249
Bumba-wa-yay
Bumba-wa-yay
475
00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:51,489
Bumba-wa-yay
Bumba-wa-yay
476
00:22:51,490 --> 00:22:54,089
Terry loves fantasy
Oh, yeah
477
00:22:54,090 --> 00:22:57,769
He doesn't love reality
Oh, no
478
00:22:57,770 --> 00:23:00,889
Luxury comedy
Oh, yeah
479
00:23:00,890 --> 00:23:04,890
Watched by 10 or 20
Oh, no
480
00:23:05,410 --> 00:23:09,249
Oh, my God!
Look, there's an asteroid!
481
00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:12,409
What? I don't understand. I wrote an
ending. This shouldn't be happening.
482
00:23:12,410 --> 00:23:14,609
Oops. I appear
to have miscalculated.
483
00:23:14,610 --> 00:23:16,969
Oh, Andy.
484
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:18,950
I'm a fantasy martyr!
485
00:23:30,077 --> 00:23:49,708
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
486
00:23:52,570 --> 00:23:54,730
I thought that went
rather well, Big Chief.
487
00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:56,609
Yes.
488
00:23:56,610 --> 00:23:59,450
Oi!
489
00:23:59,450 --> 00:24:03,450
Come on, you two.
You've been on there all afternoon.
490
00:24:03,890 --> 00:24:07,049
Please, Clive. Just one more go.
491
00:24:07,050 --> 00:24:08,850
Nah.
492
00:24:08,850 --> 00:24:10,729
Enough's enough.
493
00:24:10,730 --> 00:24:14,329
Now, can I have my gloves back?
494
00:24:14,330 --> 00:24:16,662
I've got a snooker match
to referee tonight.
495
00:24:16,712 --> 00:24:21,262
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