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? Luxury Comedy
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? Ooh, yeah I like the way
3
00:00:19,624 --> 00:00:22,303
? La-la la-la-la-la-la
4
00:00:22,304 --> 00:00:25,143
? People running round
and people up and down
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? La-la la-la-la-la-la
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? People in the now
and people up above
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? Ooh, yeah
8
00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:38,063
? Luxury comedy
9
00:00:38,064 --> 00:00:42,063
? Ooh, yeah
Put him in a bag. ?
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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru
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Ding-a-ling
12
00:00:55,224 --> 00:00:59,223
Seen this? Unbelievable,
check it out.
13
00:01:07,624 --> 00:01:10,983
Bryan Ferry with a kite for a head -
absolutely genius.
14
00:01:10,984 --> 00:01:13,103
Yeah, it's good,
but have you seen this?
15
00:01:13,104 --> 00:01:14,663
"BUH-DOW"
16
00:01:14,664 --> 00:01:15,583
What is that?
17
00:01:15,584 --> 00:01:16,863
Brian Eno Frisbee.
18
00:01:16,864 --> 00:01:20,503
Brian Eno Frisbee? Oh,
what is wrong with everyone?
19
00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:21,583
What do you mean?
20
00:01:21,584 --> 00:01:24,863
Well, it's always the same,
as soon as you mention Bryan Ferry
21
00:01:24,864 --> 00:01:28,143
someone always has to chip in
with a little Brian Eno nugget.
22
00:01:28,144 --> 00:01:29,303
So you don't like Eno?
23
00:01:29,304 --> 00:01:31,823
Of course I love Brian Eno,
I'm not an idiot.
24
00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:33,783
But I'm talking about Ferry
at the moment
25
00:01:33,784 --> 00:01:37,383
and I think that Ferry has done
enough as a Brian in his own right
26
00:01:37,384 --> 00:01:39,983
not to be compared to Eno
at every turn.
27
00:01:39,984 --> 00:01:43,663
I like both Brians equally
and I think that everyone should.
28
00:01:43,664 --> 00:01:44,743
What are you getting so angry about?
29
00:01:44,744 --> 00:01:46,383
I don't know, it's just that I went
30
00:01:46,384 --> 00:01:50,103
"Look, Bryan Ferry with a kite for
a head," which is an amazing thing,
31
00:01:50,104 --> 00:01:53,343
and you immediately went, "Oh, look,
I've got a Brian Eno Frisbee."
32
00:01:57,944 --> 00:02:00,103
That is quite good, though,
actually.
33
00:02:00,104 --> 00:02:01,143
Check this out.
34
00:02:01,144 --> 00:02:02,183
"BUH-DOW"
35
00:02:02,184 --> 00:02:03,543
What's happening there?
36
00:02:03,544 --> 00:02:06,543
You've got your hummus here,
your pitas here,
37
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:07,863
and your olives over here.
38
00:02:07,864 --> 00:02:10,783
Wow, I get it, you're in the park,
you're having frisbee fun,
39
00:02:10,784 --> 00:02:13,863
you get a bit tired, you sit down,
you've got a portable picnic.
40
00:02:13,864 --> 00:02:17,663
Wait a minute, when you
throw it, doesn't all the food just
41
00:02:17,664 --> 00:02:19,903
come out and sort of fly into
toddlers' eyes?
42
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,583
Magnetic hummus.
43
00:02:23,584 --> 00:02:26,343
Oh, magnetic hummus!
44
00:02:28,424 --> 00:02:30,743
Only Eno could come out with
a concept like that.
45
00:02:30,744 --> 00:02:32,143
One of the best Brians
who's ever lived.
46
00:02:32,144 --> 00:02:33,983
Yeah, along with Bryan Ferry.
47
00:02:33,984 --> 00:02:35,663
Whatever, feed Tony, will you?
48
00:02:35,664 --> 00:02:39,663
All right, I will feed Tony.
I'm going to give him an olive.
49
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,183
If I had to choose between the two
Brians,
50
00:02:53,184 --> 00:02:55,143
and I really would hate to do so,
51
00:02:55,144 --> 00:02:57,463
I would have to err
on the side of Eno.
52
00:02:57,464 --> 00:02:59,463
Oh, Tony you ball bag.
53
00:02:59,464 --> 00:03:02,863
No, I mean, I love Bryan Ferry,
of course I do, I love his solo work,
54
00:03:02,864 --> 00:03:06,463
I even bought a vintage lamp
off him, he's a great guy.
55
00:03:06,464 --> 00:03:08,743
But for me, it'll always be about
Brian Eno,
56
00:03:08,744 --> 00:03:10,783
he's a wonderful producer.
57
00:03:10,784 --> 00:03:14,783
I remember I was working with a huge,
mega-huge rock band in the '80s,
58
00:03:15,184 --> 00:03:17,263
and we were really stuck
in the studio
59
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:20,823
and the record company were leaning
on us to get out another single.
60
00:03:20,824 --> 00:03:23,423
So I phoned up Brian Eno to see
if he could help.
61
00:03:23,424 --> 00:03:26,583
An hour later, he rushes in wearing
clown shoes
62
00:03:26,584 --> 00:03:30,183
and tips a pasta bake over everyone.
63
00:03:30,184 --> 00:03:33,743
Now, you might think this is
the reckless, insignificant behaviour
64
00:03:33,744 --> 00:03:37,463
of an egomaniac,
but 20 minutes later,
65
00:03:37,464 --> 00:03:41,463
Gene Simmons reaches for his guitar
and pens Crazy Crazy Nights.
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00:03:41,944 --> 00:03:43,943
Pasta bake coincidence?
67
00:03:43,944 --> 00:03:47,623
Or the work of
the greatest living Brian?
68
00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:51,623
Pasta bake coincidence.
69
00:03:52,984 --> 00:03:56,503
Philistine.
70
00:03:59,224 --> 00:04:03,223
Fish finger for Jenga, fish finger
for a game of Jenga.
71
00:04:05,864 --> 00:04:09,863
Careful now, I saw that tower
wobbling, wobbling, wobbling,
72
00:04:10,624 --> 00:04:14,623
like sleeping oblong goblins.
73
00:04:14,744 --> 00:04:18,743
Cheating in a game
of breadcrumb Jenga!
74
00:04:19,504 --> 00:04:23,343
Cheating in a game
of breadcrumb Jenga!
75
00:04:23,344 --> 00:04:27,343
I've fractured images of a life
that I can't quite remember.
76
00:04:54,904 --> 00:04:58,903
Helen Daniels,
infiltrating the structure.
77
00:04:58,944 --> 00:05:02,943
Helen Daniels running amok
in the delicate ecosystem
78
00:05:03,664 --> 00:05:06,543
that is my mechanical
stomach hole.
79
00:05:06,544 --> 00:05:09,543
This is a code red,
Jersey Royal alert.
80
00:05:09,544 --> 00:05:12,503
Notify all relevant authorities
81
00:05:12,504 --> 00:05:15,783
and book tickets for
the ice skating.
82
00:05:15,784 --> 00:05:19,783
Help. Help. Help.
83
00:05:19,864 --> 00:05:23,863
Activating Doo-Cloth.
84
00:05:28,024 --> 00:05:30,543
Hello Doo-Rag.
85
00:05:30,544 --> 00:05:33,583
Hello Doo-Cloth.
Did you have a good holiday?
86
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,343
I couldn't really unwind
for the first week,
87
00:05:36,344 --> 00:05:39,383
but once I did,
I had a really good time.
88
00:05:39,384 --> 00:05:43,383
I just loved getting the sun
with a Barbara Cartland novel.
89
00:05:43,424 --> 00:05:45,503
What seems to be the problem?
90
00:05:45,504 --> 00:05:47,423
It's Helen Daniels again,
91
00:05:47,424 --> 00:05:50,503
she's infiltrating
the infrastructure.
92
00:05:50,504 --> 00:05:54,503
That goddamn bitch, I know exactly
how to deal with her.
93
00:06:14,584 --> 00:06:18,263
That should do it.
94
00:06:18,264 --> 00:06:21,383
Potato waffle Alcatraz.
95
00:06:21,384 --> 00:06:24,303
Helen Daniels gone to the big house.
96
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:28,223
Cheating in a game of breadcrumb
Jenga!
97
00:06:28,224 --> 00:06:32,223
Moondog's Viking helmet
glistening in a humid December.
98
00:06:39,744 --> 00:06:43,103
And in the blue corner it's
Kite Headed Ferry
99
00:06:43,104 --> 00:06:45,583
and in the red corner,
Brian Eno Frisbee.
100
00:06:45,584 --> 00:06:47,423
And they've come together
101
00:06:47,424 --> 00:06:50,423
and it's Kite Headed Ferry on top of
things at the moment.
102
00:06:50,424 --> 00:06:53,543
Kite Headed Ferry's all over Eno,
pummelling him.
103
00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:57,463
Oh, but what's this?
Brian Eno Frisbee has produced
104
00:06:57,464 --> 00:07:00,263
a pair of scissors from deep within
his golden mullet.
105
00:07:02,064 --> 00:07:05,983
And it's all over! Brian Eno Frisbee
is the winner,
106
00:07:05,984 --> 00:07:09,303
proving himself to be the greatest
of all the Brians.
107
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:12,623
This fight was brought to you
in association with magnetic hummus,
108
00:07:12,624 --> 00:07:16,623
available in all good supermarkets
priced 3.99.
109
00:07:25,304 --> 00:07:29,303
Oh, Brian, you are wounded.
Someone has decapitated you.
110
00:07:32,384 --> 00:07:34,903
No, you are safe now, don't worry,
111
00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:38,423
I will fix you in my soundproof
underground chamber.
112
00:07:41,704 --> 00:07:45,703
Shush, shush, don't be frightened,
Bryan.
113
00:07:56,184 --> 00:08:00,183
Hello, Joey. What's wrong, Joey?
You look awfully upset.
114
00:08:01,824 --> 00:08:04,703
What's that? The tram
system's broken down?
115
00:08:04,704 --> 00:08:06,863
And you've got no money for a taxi?
116
00:08:06,864 --> 00:08:10,863
And you've got a gig at CBGBs,
you'll never make it in time?
117
00:08:12,304 --> 00:08:15,863
Oh, dear, Joey,
is that why you're crying?
118
00:08:15,864 --> 00:08:17,423
What's that, Joey?
119
00:08:17,424 --> 00:08:21,423
You're not crying, you've got
a bad case of conjunctivitis?
120
00:08:22,184 --> 00:08:26,183
Oh, look, Joey! A huge bird has flown
down from the sky,
121
00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:31,023
grabbed you by your tiny punk lapels
and is carrying you off to CBGBs.
122
00:08:32,584 --> 00:08:36,583
You see, Joey? You never can tell,
you never can tell.
123
00:08:37,424 --> 00:08:40,423
There were no need for tears,
after all.
124
00:08:40,424 --> 00:08:42,343
What's that, Joey?
125
00:08:42,344 --> 00:08:46,183
You've told me twice,
it was conjunctivitis?
126
00:08:46,184 --> 00:08:49,503
Of course it was, Joey,
of course it was.
127
00:08:49,504 --> 00:08:53,503
It's a funny old world.
128
00:08:57,864 --> 00:09:00,143
Fly, Bryan, fly!
129
00:09:00,144 --> 00:09:04,103
Look at you, grazing the clouds,
like the Bryan you are.
130
00:09:04,104 --> 00:09:06,663
Illuminating the sky with your
diamond-shaped head,
131
00:09:06,664 --> 00:09:09,943
you are by far the best Bryan
of all the Brians,
132
00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:12,063
Eno, Clough and Denny included.
133
00:09:12,064 --> 00:09:13,823
Yeah, can I have a go now, please?
134
00:09:13,824 --> 00:09:15,143
No, he is mine.
135
00:09:15,144 --> 00:09:18,943
Besides he hasn't learnt to trust
you yet, he will be frightened.
136
00:09:18,944 --> 00:09:21,703
It's not fair, I'm the one
who likes Bryan Ferry, not you,
137
00:09:21,704 --> 00:09:23,943
you're jumping
on the Bryan Ferry bandwagon.
138
00:09:23,944 --> 00:09:26,703
Get your own kite, he is mine.
139
00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:30,703
Maybe I will, then you'll be sorry.
140
00:09:45,984 --> 00:09:48,143
Noel, would you like to do swapsies?
141
00:09:48,144 --> 00:09:51,183
Erm, I'm fine actually.
142
00:09:51,184 --> 00:09:55,183
What's the matter,
you gone off your own kite?
143
00:09:56,504 --> 00:09:58,823
Like the Elephant Man, your kite,
isn't it?
144
00:09:58,824 --> 00:10:02,823
The way it moves,
the way it flaps about.
145
00:10:03,264 --> 00:10:07,063
Ah, dear. If the boot
was on the other foot,
146
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:08,703
I couldn't really deal with it.
147
00:10:08,704 --> 00:10:11,623
Why don't you just give me control
of both the kites and you go
148
00:10:11,624 --> 00:10:12,903
and have a lie down, yeah?
149
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:15,063
That will not happen.
150
00:10:15,064 --> 00:10:19,063
Maybe it's the string. Maybe
your string's a bit washing-liney.
151
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,983
Could be the handle.
152
00:10:24,984 --> 00:10:28,983
Maybe it's just you, you're not
that great at flying kites.
153
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,503
Some people just can't do it,
apparently,
154
00:10:32,504 --> 00:10:34,663
and some people,
it just happens for them.
155
00:10:34,664 --> 00:10:38,663
I think I probably fall into that
category, we're called champions.
156
00:10:45,784 --> 00:10:47,423
Hello, Bryan. Oh, yeah.
157
00:10:47,424 --> 00:10:50,183
Sorry what I said about Eno
being the best Brian, earlier.
158
00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:51,703
I was just messing about.
159
00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:54,543
What, what Bryan?
160
00:10:54,544 --> 00:10:56,263
What are you trying to tell me?
161
00:10:57,544 --> 00:11:00,463
There's a boy trapped in a tree
and the tree's on fire?
162
00:11:02,184 --> 00:11:03,903
Iwillalert the authorities.
163
00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:06,063
What? There's no time?
164
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:08,703
OK, you lead the way.
We haven't got a moment to lose.
165
00:11:09,744 --> 00:11:13,143
I'll put my shorts on
and get a compass.
166
00:11:13,144 --> 00:11:15,543
What'd you do that for?
167
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:18,623
You heard them, there's a boy
trapped up a tree by the creek,
168
00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:20,623
it is dark, he is in danger.
169
00:11:20,624 --> 00:11:22,103
You did that on purpose.
170
00:11:22,104 --> 00:11:26,103
Yes, I did, cos you wouldn't
do swapsies.
171
00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:29,783
Oh, poor Noely.
172
00:11:29,784 --> 00:11:31,543
Is he going to cry?
173
00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:33,263
I'm not going to cry, am I?
174
00:11:33,264 --> 00:11:37,263
It looks like you're going to cry,
Noel. I can see real tears.
175
00:11:39,424 --> 00:11:43,423
Oh, watery eyes.
176
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:48,994
I am leaving now, I am off to join
the other champions.
177
00:11:58,555 --> 00:12:01,754
? Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
178
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:05,554
? Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
179
00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:08,714
? Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
180
00:12:08,715 --> 00:12:12,714
? Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man
Fantasy Man, Fantasy Man! ?
181
00:12:20,395 --> 00:12:24,394
'Hello, Fantasy Man. Are you off for
one of your silly little adventures?
182
00:12:25,955 --> 00:12:28,474
'Fantasy Man? Fantasy Man?
183
00:12:28,475 --> 00:12:29,914
'Are you OK?'
184
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,914
This is my last adventure,
what it's all been building up to.
185
00:12:33,915 --> 00:12:36,834
I am weak now. I can fight no more.
186
00:12:36,835 --> 00:12:39,594
'Oh, Fantasy Man, don't be
so melodramatic, really.
187
00:12:39,595 --> 00:12:41,794
'You know full well you'll be
back next week
188
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:45,194
'looking for the Golden Jug Of Haribo
or some such shit.'
189
00:12:45,195 --> 00:12:48,514
I must be true to myself,
follow my destiny,
190
00:12:48,515 --> 00:12:52,514
go and bathe my body in the golden
light of the promised land.
191
00:12:54,155 --> 00:12:55,434
I just want to thank you
192
00:12:55,435 --> 00:12:58,434
for all your guidance over these
years, my good friend.
193
00:12:58,435 --> 00:13:01,954
'I'll be honest with you, it never
really meant that much to me.
194
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:03,754
'Thanks for your kind words.
195
00:13:03,755 --> 00:13:06,714
'I have to go now I've chartered
a helicopter to Tuscany,
196
00:13:06,715 --> 00:13:08,714
'we've got a few
vineyards down there.
197
00:13:08,715 --> 00:13:11,794
'Probably won't be back
till Tuesday. Au revoir.'
198
00:13:11,795 --> 00:13:14,834
Farewell, my friend,
I'll see you on the other side.
199
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:17,034
'Of that garage? I don't think so.'
200
00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:20,114
Goodbye, my friend.
201
00:13:20,115 --> 00:13:22,794
'Right - sunglasses,
trunks, passport.
202
00:13:22,795 --> 00:13:26,794
'Oh, yes, goodbye, Fantasy Man,
good luck with the garage.'
203
00:13:40,915 --> 00:13:44,194
Oh, man, what is you?
204
00:13:44,195 --> 00:13:45,954
What is that you're wearing?
205
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:49,954
Look at his trousers,
they is well tight.
206
00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:53,314
Oh, my days! He's got a foam cup
on his chin.
207
00:13:53,315 --> 00:13:54,354
Let me be!
208
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:57,834
Oh, my gosh, them is a lady's boots!
209
00:13:57,835 --> 00:14:00,074
Is you mentally ill?
210
00:14:00,075 --> 00:14:02,834
No, I'm a man of action,
unlike you, you street ruffian.
211
00:14:02,835 --> 00:14:04,674
Now I'm heading
to the promised land.
212
00:14:04,675 --> 00:14:07,714
That's my mum's garage.
213
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:10,994
It is not your mum's garage, it is
the gateway to the promised land.
214
00:14:10,995 --> 00:14:12,994
Now out of my way all of you,
let me be.
215
00:14:12,995 --> 00:14:14,394
Or what?
216
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,114
Please, none of this even
needs to happen.
217
00:14:17,115 --> 00:14:19,554
This whole transaction is absurd.
218
00:14:19,555 --> 00:14:21,354
Right, that's your last warning.
219
00:14:21,355 --> 00:14:23,114
Ow! Please!
220
00:14:23,115 --> 00:14:27,114
Oh, my gosh, batty man.
Oh, my gosh, batty man.
221
00:14:27,715 --> 00:14:31,714
Oh, my gosh, batty man.
Oh, my gosh, batty man.
222
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:35,154
Oh, my gosh, bat-batty man.
223
00:14:35,155 --> 00:14:39,154
I'm not a batty man,
I'm a Fantasy Man!
224
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:53,954
Take that! They call me
the Neon Bullet.
225
00:14:53,955 --> 00:14:57,954
It's conker season! Come on! Yes?
226
00:15:00,155 --> 00:15:02,154
Come on, do you want some?
227
00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:04,714
You want some of me?
228
00:15:04,715 --> 00:15:06,434
Oh, you've got a spork.
229
00:15:06,435 --> 00:15:10,274
A combination of a fork and a spoon,
the worst combination there is.
230
00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:12,354
There's no need for that, my friend.
231
00:15:12,355 --> 00:15:15,594
No, really, I mean we could...
232
00:15:22,715 --> 00:15:26,714
Thank you, Dream Tiger.
Yes, I'll ring you in the week.
233
00:15:29,715 --> 00:15:32,434
Hello, Fantasy Man. How are you?
234
00:15:32,435 --> 00:15:35,594
I've got a bit wrong,
I appear to have killed 45.
235
00:15:35,595 --> 00:15:39,274
Yes, and you seem to have arranged
the bodies into some sort of
236
00:15:39,275 --> 00:15:43,274
human chav calligraphy.
It's actually quite beautiful.
237
00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:47,074
I've had a funny turn,
I forgot to take my medication.
238
00:15:47,075 --> 00:15:51,074
Yes, you do seem to have got
yourself into a bit of a tangle.
239
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:54,514
In fact, I think I can hear
the police coming.
240
00:15:54,515 --> 00:15:56,474
You won't tell them, will you?
241
00:15:58,635 --> 00:15:59,714
I might have to.
242
00:15:59,715 --> 00:16:01,354
No!
243
00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:05,354
I just might have to.
244
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:18,714
So, guys, that's series one.
I thought we did quite well.
245
00:16:18,715 --> 00:16:19,874
Well, we did our best.
246
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,234
I thought I was good.
247
00:16:21,235 --> 00:16:23,314
You were good, actually, yeah.
In places.
248
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,314
This is taking ages.
249
00:16:25,315 --> 00:16:27,874
All right, I've just put them on,
cool your boots.
250
00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:29,154
What oil are you using?
251
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,794
I'm using rape seed oil.
252
00:16:30,795 --> 00:16:32,274
Rapeseed oil, really?
253
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:34,274
Yeah, rapeseed oil, really.
254
00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:35,554
Doesn't it get all sticky?
255
00:16:35,555 --> 00:16:37,994
No, it doesn't get all sticky,
it's fine, thanks.
256
00:16:37,995 --> 00:16:39,954
Look, why don't you just let me
do it?
257
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:43,634
Don't touch me, Gonzo. Every year we
have a barbecue, you know this,
258
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:46,314
and every year, for once a year,
I do the cooking.
259
00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:48,274
It's a tradition in this house, OK?
260
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:50,074
And every year it ends in tears.
261
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,234
No, it does not.
Why would you say that?
262
00:16:52,235 --> 00:16:53,874
Cos you get all the timings wrong,
263
00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:56,874
you can't handle the pressure,
you have a barbecue breakdown.
264
00:16:56,875 --> 00:16:57,394
I have a what?
265
00:16:57,395 --> 00:16:58,554
A barbecue breakdown.
266
00:16:58,555 --> 00:17:01,394
I don't have a barbecue breakdown,
thank you very much.
267
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,274
You do, you have a barbecue
breakdown.
268
00:17:03,275 --> 00:17:05,754
Don't say it like it's a real term,
269
00:17:05,755 --> 00:17:08,634
I don't have a barbecue breakdown
all right? OK?
270
00:17:08,635 --> 00:17:11,554
And can you just back off a bit,
every time I turn round
271
00:17:11,555 --> 00:17:15,034
your nose goes in my mouth and it
tastes of lavender, you mauve freak.
272
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,834
Just, everyone just calm down a bit.
273
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:18,634
Hey, Noel, I'm not eating meat
today,
274
00:17:18,635 --> 00:17:20,514
have you got any vegetarian
sausages?
275
00:17:20,515 --> 00:17:22,594
Yes, I've already put them
in the oven.
276
00:17:22,595 --> 00:17:25,194
In the oven? But why?
It doesn't taste the same.
277
00:17:25,195 --> 00:17:26,634
I'm part of this barbecue, no?
278
00:17:26,635 --> 00:17:28,794
I'm being penalised now
for not eating meat.
279
00:17:28,795 --> 00:17:31,834
Listen, don't be naive, you know
full well vegetarian sausages
280
00:17:31,835 --> 00:17:33,434
don't cook on the barbecue,
281
00:17:33,435 --> 00:17:35,274
they crumble and go through
the slats.
282
00:17:35,275 --> 00:17:37,794
Noel, I can't wait any more,
I will have mine raw.
283
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:40,554
You can't have them raw, Andy,
you'll get food poisoning.
284
00:17:40,555 --> 00:17:41,994
What is food poisoning?
285
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:45,994
Look, can someone make sure
the baps have been toasted?
286
00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:48,394
Noel, what are baps?
287
00:17:48,395 --> 00:17:49,794
You know what baps are, Andy.
288
00:17:49,795 --> 00:17:52,474
We had them for lunch yesterday
with cheese and pickle.
289
00:17:52,475 --> 00:17:53,514
No, they were buns.
290
00:17:53,515 --> 00:17:56,194
Andy, buns are baps, I've told you.
Baps, buns muffins,
291
00:17:56,195 --> 00:17:59,074
we've done the bread family,
292
00:17:59,075 --> 00:18:02,314
I gave you that chart, you put it
above your bed in your room.
293
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,554
That one's going black.
294
00:18:03,555 --> 00:18:06,874
Good! Good that it's gone black,
that's the whole point!
295
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:08,874
Otherwise we might as well just
do them in the oven!
296
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:10,074
That's what I said.
297
00:18:10,075 --> 00:18:13,234
- Look, it's happening, innit?
- It's not happening, you lot are doing my head in.
298
00:18:13,235 --> 00:18:14,754
You're having a barbecue breakdown.
299
00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:16,674
I'm not having a barbecue breakdown!
300
00:18:16,675 --> 00:18:19,514
- You are.
- I'm not having a barbecue breakdown!
301
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,394
You are clearly having one.
302
00:18:22,395 --> 00:18:24,074
Oh, no!
303
00:18:24,075 --> 00:18:27,394
That's the worst possible outcome!
304
00:18:27,395 --> 00:18:29,994
That sausage is on fire.
305
00:18:37,835 --> 00:18:39,834
Oh, no! Ouch! Oh,
everything's on fire!
306
00:18:39,835 --> 00:18:42,794
That's a shame. Slash gave me
this hat as a cheeky memento.
307
00:18:42,795 --> 00:18:45,114
Oh, no! Wait a minute,
underwater fire?
308
00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:49,114
That's a ludicrous concept.
No, I won't be part of that.
309
00:18:57,635 --> 00:18:59,914
Oh, nice one! Look what you've done!
310
00:18:59,915 --> 00:19:01,434
Oh, no!
311
00:19:01,435 --> 00:19:05,434
My polyester roll neck
has gone up like a motherfucker.
312
00:19:06,155 --> 00:19:09,194
Andy, you completely set
my tits on fire!
313
00:19:09,195 --> 00:19:13,194
It's not about your tits,
the whole show's on fire.
314
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,194
Oh, Andy, by the way,
315
00:19:18,195 --> 00:19:20,754
you can't really use the excuse
of a fire to feel people up.
316
00:19:20,755 --> 00:19:21,314
No?
317
00:19:21,315 --> 00:19:22,394
Not really, it's a bit weird.
318
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,194
OK.
319
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:31,834
A flaming sausage?
A barbecue gone awry?
320
00:19:31,835 --> 00:19:34,114
This has to be the work
of Ice Cream Eyes.
321
00:19:34,115 --> 00:19:35,914
How could that have been me?
322
00:19:35,915 --> 00:19:39,914
I was in the back alleyway
fingering a Pac-Man ghost.
323
00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:44,074
Right then, class 4C,
324
00:19:44,075 --> 00:19:46,714
it would appear that we're in
a real fire situation.
325
00:19:46,715 --> 00:19:50,274
This is not a timetabled fire drill,
would you please
326
00:19:50,275 --> 00:19:53,594
all leave in single file and regroup
on the hockey pitch
327
00:19:53,595 --> 00:19:57,594
where Mrs Pamflom will take
a register in full.
328
00:19:58,115 --> 00:20:02,114
Do not attempt to go to your lockers
and retrieve your pencil cases.
329
00:20:03,315 --> 00:20:06,194
These items can easily replaced,
330
00:20:06,195 --> 00:20:10,194
unlike the new skin
on your tiny faces.
331
00:20:10,755 --> 00:20:13,794
No, Darren Slade, I will not be
accompanying you,
332
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:17,674
I've got to nip to the gym quickly
and retrieve my army medals.
333
00:20:19,355 --> 00:20:23,354
They're worth a lot more than
pencil cases, you numbskull.
334
00:20:25,275 --> 00:20:28,714
Oh, I can smell the roof
of my mouth burning.
335
00:20:28,715 --> 00:20:32,234
Hooper, my legs are on fire,
Hooper this doughnut's on fire,
336
00:20:32,235 --> 00:20:35,234
Hooper, these two matching identical
red pens are on fire.
337
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,554
Hooper, you've got to phone
Mrs Boombox
338
00:20:37,555 --> 00:20:41,554
and tell her I can't make dinner
with the Hendersons.
339
00:20:42,595 --> 00:20:44,794
Ah! Ah!
340
00:20:44,795 --> 00:20:48,794
Ah! Ah!
341
00:20:57,475 --> 00:21:00,274
Oh, dear.
342
00:21:00,275 --> 00:21:02,954
Can't believe the whole show
burnt down.
343
00:21:02,955 --> 00:21:04,994
This is all that's left of it.
344
00:21:04,995 --> 00:21:07,674
Luckily this dust pan and brush
didn't melt.
345
00:21:07,675 --> 00:21:10,394
Whole show gone,
just cos of one stupid sausage.
346
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:13,914
I've actually got an IQ of 147.
347
00:21:13,915 --> 00:21:17,074
I've the only survivor.
Wow, the only survivor.
348
00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:19,154
That is not strictly true.
349
00:21:19,155 --> 00:21:22,594
What are you lot doing there?
I thought you'd all burnt down.
350
00:21:22,595 --> 00:21:25,394
No, we are all figments
of your imagination.
351
00:21:25,395 --> 00:21:28,754
You survived, therefore we survived.
352
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:31,834
Well, what are you all doing,
lurking about in black space?
353
00:21:31,835 --> 00:21:34,434
We've got nowhere else to go now
the show's burnt down.
354
00:21:34,435 --> 00:21:36,274
Actually I'm going to Berlin,
355
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,754
I'm doing a cabaret where I'm naked
on my bike
356
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:42,114
and I talk about the history
of bikes. Completely sold out.
357
00:21:42,115 --> 00:21:44,714
Apart from sandy balls, none of us
have got anywhere to go.
358
00:21:44,715 --> 00:21:47,074
Until you write series two, that is.
359
00:21:47,075 --> 00:21:49,034
I'd better get on with it, then.
360
00:21:49,035 --> 00:21:53,034
Going to need a big typewriter
though.
361
00:21:54,275 --> 00:21:56,674
See you later, guys.
Catch you next year.
362
00:21:56,675 --> 00:21:59,674
Now I've got to spend the next year
faffing about with these lot
363
00:21:59,675 --> 00:22:00,954
in the middle of nowhere.
364
00:22:00,955 --> 00:22:03,714
Well, it's not so bad, perhaps
we could play a game.
365
00:22:03,715 --> 00:22:06,954
Hooper, where's the goddamn
Twister board? I'm sure we had one.
366
00:22:06,955 --> 00:22:08,794
We used it as a fire blanket.
367
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:09,834
Ah, damn!
368
00:22:09,835 --> 00:22:12,714
I've got Battleships.
I mean, not electronic
369
00:22:12,715 --> 00:22:14,154
but it won't spoil the fun.
370
00:22:14,155 --> 00:22:17,194
I've got a lovely little
South African Beaujolais
371
00:22:17,195 --> 00:22:20,114
that I've been saving
for an occasion like this.
372
00:22:20,115 --> 00:22:21,954
You know, when a show would burn down
373
00:22:21,955 --> 00:22:24,874
and people are left in infinite
space, that kind of thing.
374
00:22:24,875 --> 00:22:27,874
It's all bleedin'
coming together, innit?
375
00:22:27,875 --> 00:22:30,634
No, Dondylion, it is far from
coming together,
376
00:22:30,635 --> 00:22:32,074
we haven't done the end song.
377
00:22:32,075 --> 00:22:34,594
Noel, come back, we haven't done
the end song.
378
00:22:34,595 --> 00:22:36,554
All right, calm down, it's fine.
379
00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:39,914
But the end song!
It burnt down with end of the show.
380
00:22:39,915 --> 00:22:42,514
What will we do? Ah! Ah!
What will we do?
381
00:22:42,515 --> 00:22:44,194
Ah! Ah! What will we do?
382
00:22:44,195 --> 00:22:47,154
All right, Andy, calm down.
It's fine. We'll do it a cappella.
383
00:22:47,155 --> 00:22:51,154
Ah, yes, that is, yes. Everybody,
we will do it a cappella.
384
00:22:52,395 --> 00:22:55,594
That is a suitable solution.
Very good. OK, phew.
385
00:22:55,595 --> 00:22:59,154
OK, you ready?
One, two, a-one, two, three, four.
386
00:22:59,155 --> 00:23:01,314
? Gotta go now
It's the end of the show
387
00:23:01,315 --> 00:23:03,874
? Gotta go now
It's the end of the show
388
00:23:03,875 --> 00:23:06,074
? Bye-bye now
It's the end of the show
389
00:23:06,075 --> 00:23:08,594
? Bye-bye now
It's the end of the show
390
00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:10,674
? Come back next for another show ?
391
00:23:10,675 --> 00:23:12,874
? Gotta come back for another show ?
392
00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:15,674
? Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye ?
393
00:23:15,675 --> 00:23:18,594
? Baby, bye-bye ?
394
00:23:18,595 --> 00:23:22,354
? Baby, bye-bye... ?
395
00:23:22,999 --> 00:23:25,957
I mean, really? I'm going.
396
00:23:25,982 --> 00:23:29,999
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397
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