Original subtitles

(bright music)

(audience laughing)

- If you're trying to invent the sofa bed,

Uncle Martin, forget it.

Somebody already beat you to it.

(audience laughing)

- At this point, Tim,

I don't believe I could invent a good excuse.

(audience laughing)

- What's the matter with you, Uncle Martin?

You're acting like you're in a blue funk.

- Pink.

We Martians don't fall into blue funks, Tim.

Only pink.

- Pink schmink.

What's bugging you?

- I've reached an impasse with my spaceship.

I can't decide which of three directions to go

in trying to repair it.

- Oh, well, I wish I could help you,

but it's a little out of my line.

- I know.

That's why I've decided to bring in a consultant.

- A consultant?

- A fellow inventor.

Possibly the greatest mind this small planet

of yours has ever produced.

- Oh?

Anyone I know?

- I seriously doubt it.

He was a few centuries ahead of your time.

He may have to stay a few days,

which is why I was experimenting with the chair bed.

- Wait a minute, I have one little question for you.

When you bring this guy in,

don't you think he's gonna be

just a little bit suspicious about the spaceship?

- Well, he already knows that I'm a Martian.

Now, come over here, Tim.

Stand next to me and cover your eyes.

(outer space music)

(audience laughing)

- Well, there must have been a lot

of inventions since his time.

Like trousers and haircuts for example.

(audience laughing)

(speaking foreign language)

- Leonardo.

- Martinelli.

- Old friend.

- Leonardo?

(bright music)

Leonardo da Vinci.

(audience laughing)

(outer space music)

(satellite beeping)

(satellite beeping)

(upbeat music)

(Leonardo chuckling)

- Kindly bear in mind, Tim, the primary purpose

of Leonardo's visit is to help me with my spaceship.

- Oh, don't worry.

All I want is an interview and a few pictures

for future publication.

(Leonardo laughing)

Hey, can he really learn all the languages

just by skimming through the dictionary like that?

- For a man of his intellectual capacity,

it will be mere child's play.

- See John run.

Run, John, run.

Did Betty see John run?

(audience laughing)

- Maybe he can give me the lowdown on the sandbox set.

- Patience.

He has absorbed the language.

Now he needs a moment to digest it.

(bright music)

That's an interesting theory, Leonardo.

There's no question it would provide

the necessary escape velocity.

But what about the stored energy?

- Ah, it is constantly being stored and unstored

as kinetic energy, Martinelli.

But, here my friend, because see,

the angle of velocities which compensate for the first.

(audience laughing)

- That was a great shot, Mr. da Vinci.

Now if I can just get another one.

- Martinelli, you apprentice vexes me.

Please have him flogged.

(audience laughing)

- Flogged?

- Well, I'm afraid that would be impractical, Leonardo.

This is my host, not my apprentice.

- Oh, well, we'll have to take what we can get

when it comes to patron.

(audience laughing)

- Look, Mr. da Vinci, I, uh,

I didn't mean to vex you.

It's just that, well, you see I'm a newspaper reporter.

And someday I'm going to write a story about Uncle Martin

and some of the people whom I've met.

And I'll need photographic proof.

- Photographic?

- Yes, uh, this is a camera, Leonardo.

You remember Jean Baptiste's camera obscura

which you described at some length in your notebook?

- Of course.

- Well, there've been a great many changes in 500 years.

Earthlings have discovered how to make a permanent picture

now with the camera.

- Oh, yes, like, well here.

Here's good example, Mr. da Vinci.

(Leonardo whistling)

(audience laughing)

- Well, things haven't changed much in 500 years.

(audience laughing)

- Fortunately.

(audience laughing)

- What is this?

Who are these imposterers?

- Oh, the Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur.

You see they invented the airplane.

- I, Leonardo da Vinci, invented the airplane.

- That's right, Tim.

Leonardo invented the airplane, the helicopter,

the submarine, dozens of things which we take

for granted these days.

- You?

- Me and not one florin did I get paid for them.

Martinelli, get your time machine.

We get my father here.

He's a lawyer.

We sue them for their last ducet.

(audience laughing)

- Well, uh, I'm afraid it's too late, amigo.

Any claim would have expired

under the statute of limitations.

- Oh, well, easy come, easy go.

(audience laughing)

(upbeat music)

(mysterious music)

- Yoohoo, Martin, Tim.

Guess what?

Bill just phoned and he's just been given

a terribly important assignment.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company.

- Oh, this is a very old friend of mine, Lorelei.

- Oh, how do you do?

Oh, my, what a lovely bathrobe.

- Uh, yes, yes, well he's just in

from out of town, Mrs. Brown,

and, and you see, he hasn't had a chance to shower yet.

He wanted to change first.

- Oh.

- He hasn't had a chance to get a haircut or a shave either.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, my goodness, I didn't even know I had these.

I was so excited about Bill.

- Just keep talking.

Act natural.

- Yes, well, Bill, that's Detective Lieutenant Brennan,

now a very dear friend of mine.

You see, um, he's going to be in charge of,

- Yes, don't look at me, signora.

Talk to them.

(audience laughing)

- Well, you read in the paper about that famous painting

they're bringing here from the art museum.

Well, Bill has been put in charge of guarding it.

Isn't that marvelous?

- That's fine.

You come back here at four o'clock.

Bring plenty of those.

I paint your portrait.

Then you can tell all your little friends

your painting was made by the immortal da Vinci.

- da Vinci?

Oh, that's the name of the man whose painting

is coming here on exhibit.

The one Bill is guarding.

- What? Whose painting is coming here?

- The Mona Lisa.

- La Gioconda.

- The Mona Lisa.

- La Gioconda.

- The Mona Lisa.

- La Gioconda.

I'm quite sure Bill said that-

- It's quite all right, Lorelei.

The original name of the painting was La Gioconda,

but the name was changed to Mona Lisa after-

- After they stole it.

Those thieves.

- Stole it?

Now what do you mean?

- Now, you don't suppose they paid me a copper

for it, do you?

Those robbers.

- You mean that Bill is guarding stolen goods?

- Well, not exactly Lorelei.

Mr. da Vinci means the artist who painted the picture

wasn't paid for it.

- Yeah, and that was 500 years ago.

(audience laughing)

- Oh, dear, that's a shame, the poor man.

I don't suppose there's anything

he can do about it now, is there?

- Of that, senora, I would not be too sure.

(audience laughing)

(speaking in a foreign language)

- This is, this is a very bad world you have here.

They steal my flying machine.

They steal my submarine.

They steal my helicopter.

Thieves, they steal and sign their name

to all of my invention.

- Maybe you should have invented a better lock

to put in your desk drawer.

(audience laughing)

- That's very funny.

You make jokes while I suffer the final insult.

They take my painting and they change the name.

- Well, perhaps if we discuss the torque conversion factor

on the spaceship, Leonardo, it would take your mind.

- No, no, no, no, no. - Yes, it would.

- No, no, no, no, no. - It would take your mind

off things.

- No, no, no, no, no, amigo, no, I, uh.

I'm suddenly very tired.

It's very late.

- No, it's not late.

Not even noon.

- I'm still on Italian time.

(audience laughing)

I want to take a nap.

You mind?

(audience laughing)

- Oh, we have this chair bed here that I just ordered.

(audience laughing)

- That's fine, enjoy.

(audience laughing)

- Tim, he's furious.

This is going to be difficult.

- Yeah, I know.

- Problems, problems.

Only one thing is lacking to make my day complete.

(door knocking)

Well, that one thing is here.

Now my day's complete.

Good morning, Lieutenant Brennan.

- Don't you "good morning" me, O'Hara.

What do you mean bring that lout up in here?

- Lout?

- Yes, lout.

Where is he?

I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.

- Make it a small piece, Lieutenant.

You can't afford much.

- You stay out of this, O'Hara.

- Now just a minute, Brennan.

What right have you to come storming in here

insulting our guest?

- Lorelei told me how he pinched her cheek

and ate her fudge brownies.

And I'm telling you, I will not have a delicate,

sensitive woman like Lorelei associating with the, with the.

- With the what?

- An itinerate artist.

- What you mean, Brennan, is that you are a snob.

You're unwilling to judge a man's work on it's merit.

Only on his reputation.

- I didn't come here to discuss art appreciation, O'Hara.

I came here to find that broken down artist.

(discouraging music)

Flown the coop, huh?

You tell that broken down artist

to keep his hands off Lorelei.

If I see him.

- da Vinci's gone.

- Quiet, please.

- What are you doing?

(shushing)

What are you doing?

- A man as angry as Leonardo

just can't help muttering to himself.

Sound waves are never lost, Tim.

I'm tuning in on da Vinci's mutterings.

- Oh.

- Mmhmm.

- Tell me. What is it?

- Such language.

- What's he saying?

- Brennan may see da Vinci sooner than he realizes.

- What do you mean?

- Leonardo is on his way right now to the museum.

He's planning to steal back his Mona Lisa.

- Oh, no.

(upbeat music)

- Sorry, sir, no admittance.

- Oh, we thought this was the room

that had the Mona Lisa in it.

- Yes, sir, that's right, sir.

That's why no admittance until it's been uncrated.

- Oh, well, thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Well, so far so good.

At least we know Leonardo didn't get in there.

- Oh, don't underrate him, Tim.

He's around here somewhere.

I'm getting vibrations.

We've got to get into that room.

- How?

- Well, I can make myself invisible, but I may need help.

Your help.

I've got it.

There's one man who can get in that room.

- Who?

- Brennan.

I'll hypnotize those guards into thinking that your him.

Then you can follow me in.

Quick, now get over there and hurry.

- Now what?

(audience laughing)

(sonic squealing)

(audience laughing)

- Oh, Lieutenant Brennan, I didn't recognize you sir.

Go right in.

- Carry on, men.

- Yes, sir.

Watch it, Uncle Martin.

(audience laughing)

(mysterious music)

- Too late.

- I don't understand it.

How did he get in here?

- Broken glass.

Oh, see that window, there?

- [Tim] But that's 50 feet off the ground.

- Yeah, well, you forget

that da Vinci also invented the catapult.

He must have improvised something

and fired himself through the window as if from a slingshot.

- Maybe he's still around.

(outer space music)

- Someone's coming.

- Everything in order?

- Yes, sir, Lieutenant Brennan's in with the painting.

Lieutenant Brennan, you just went in there.

(audience laughing)

- How can I walk in there when I just walked in here?

(door handle rattling)

- Brennan.

(audience laughing)

- O'Hara.

What are you doing here?

- Well, as a reporter, I was trying to get a story

on, uh, on what it's like to be alone

in the same room with the Mona Lisa.

- How would you like to write a story

on how it feels to be alone in a jail cell?

- Oh, come on, Brennan, you know how hard

we reporters work for a story.

- This case hasn't been out of anyone's sight

since it was crated and shipped here.

At 5 o'clock, a team of experts

is coming here to uncrate her.

If I find one teeny, weeny thing out of order,

do you know whose fault it will be?

- Oh, yes, but you'd never believe me.

(audience laughing)

- Your fault, O'Hara.

And just to make sure I can get my hands on you,

I'm taking you into custody for illegal entry

as soon as I get downtown.

Lock him up in the anteroom until I'm ready for him.

- Yes, sir, Lieutenant.

Come on, Tim.

(upbeat music)

- [Tim] Easy, fellas, I'm going, I'm going.

(audience laughing)

(door closing)

Uncle Martin?

Oh, come on.

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin?

Ah!

- Here I am, Tim.

- Now what?

- Five hours to doomsday.

When they unlock that crate and find that frame empty,

we're going to be framed and locked up in its place.

Then they'll search our house.

- Our house? Why?

The painting isn't there.

- What about the garage?

- It's in the garage?

- No, but the spaceship is.

- Oh.

- We've got to catch up with Leonardo.

- Well, maybe he took the painting and went home.

- Of course, that's it.

Not just home to our apartment,

back home to the 15th century.

- The time machine.

- With a brain like his, he can figure out

how it works in no time.

I've got to get you out of here.

- Well, just call me Brennan.

- Okay, you're Brennan.

- All right, you, oh, sorry, Lieutenant.

- Just wanted to see whether you boys were on your toes.

- Hey, yes, sir, Lieutenant, yes, sir.

- Watch it, Uncle Martin.

(audience laughing)

Carry on, men.

- Well, he sure moves fast, doesn't he?

(audience laughing)

- Fast just isn't the word for it.

- Everything under control?

He hasn't tried to escape, has he?

- Oh, no, sir, Lieutenant.

Nobody's come through that door but you, sir.

- Me?

How could I have come out when I've just come in?

(mysterious music)

You idiots.

That must've been O'Hara himself you saw.

He used a disguise.

- Yeah, some disguise.

- Something's going on.

Come on.

We'll go to his house and search it from top to bottom.

(upbeat music)

- What are you doing?

- They steal from me, I steal from them.

- Careful, Tim, careful.

He's got my time machine.

- Your time machine?

Well, what about my television set?

My watch?

My transistor radio?

My telephone.

- Who misses a few souvenirs?

- [Tim] Souvenirs?

- And what do you expect da Vinci to take?

Bath towels?

What do you think I am?

Some cheap tourist, eh?

- Now see here, Leonardo.

- All right, I don't argue.

Who needs your inventions?

I'll just take,

my little painting.

- The Mona Lisa?

- La Gioconda.

- Let's not make him angry.

Now let's talk like reasonable men.

All right, Leonardo, if you don't want to stay.

- Martinelli, I want to speak honestly, with you.

I do not

like it here.

I'm telling you the truth.

I miss

the blue skies of Italia.

Come to think of it, how is it

that you people have a brown sky?

(audience laughing)

- We call it smog.

- Must be one of your inventions.

(audience laughing)

I leave against you.

I go now.

(audience laughing)

And I take my little painting with me.

I just press uh, press this little button here.

(audience laughing)

- I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Leonardo.

You see, I'm the one whose responsible.

(audience laughing)

(Leonardo laughing)

- How did he do that?

- Levitation has been known since the time of the Romans.

- [Tim] Uncle Martin, freeze him.

- I can't, Tim, it's impossible.

- That's right, that's impossible.

I read all his books.

I know all his tricks.

(Leonardo laughing)

- Well, you're not gonna take that picture with you.

- No, no, no.

- I broke it.

- I know.

Leonardo was always experimenting.

He painted the Mona Lisa on a wood panel.

- Should have really used cement.

(audience laughing)

My masterpiece is ruined.

- Look, I,

I'm really sorry, Leo.

- You presume to care about my painting?

- Well, you only painted it,

I destroyed it.

- And you were trying to save it for the world.

- For the world.

- Why do you think that painting was priceless?

- Why?

- Why do you think the world loved it so?

- Why?

- And why do you think Tim, here, was trying to save it?

- Why?

- Because of your genius, that's why.

- That's right.

Now no one will know how wonderful I was.

They will not appreciate me.

- Let's kill each other.

(audience laughing)

- All right.

(audience laughing)

Wait a minute.

I got a better idea.

They will know because I, Leonardo da Vinci,

will repaint it.

- Leonardo, hurry, hurry, begin.

- I cannot.

- Why not?

- Because I must paint from life.

I have no model.

- Oh, come on, now, many painters don't use models today.

- Maybe that's what's wrong with them.

- I think I can get you a model.

(outer space music)

- Just a little smile, please.

Oh, Martinelli, please, a little smile.

- Oh.

(sonic squeal)

- Ah, it's perfect, perfect.

- Are you sure she won't remember a thing

after you unfreeze her?

- Positive.

She'll think she merely stopped by on her way to the museum.

- [Tim] How much time do we have?

- Is no matter.

Is finished.

(upbeat music)

Is not magnificent naturally?

(audience laughing)

- Well, it may be magnificent, but the Mona Lisa it ain't.

- Leonardo, we can't put this in place of La Gioconda.

- Why not?

It is a even greater.

I out did myself.

I was magnificent.

Hello, oh I forgot that you're frozen.

- Everyone knows the original.

They'll think this one is a fraud.

- Bah, what do they know?

Peasants.

It was I who made that miserable Madonna Lisa beautiful,

believe me, it took real genius.

(audience laughing)

- Mr. da Vinci, can't you just repaint the picture

the way it was?

- No, it is done.

It is finito.

It is superb.

- Very well, Leonardo.

Thank you very much helping me on my spaceship.

- Wait a minute, Uncle Martin, you mean

you're gonna let him without repainting it?

- It won't be necessary, Tim.

I'll do it myself.

- You will paint my masterpiece.

Ha.

(outer space music)

(upbeat music)

- There now, it's finished.

(sirens screaming)

- Oh, we're finished all right.

- Not yet, Tim.

We still have time to get it to the gallery.

- Wait.

- Well?

- Eh, not bad for an amateur.

- You'll notice in the hair-

- Could you please postpone the symposium

until the police are not invited?

- Of course.

- Well, is time for me to go.

(speaking in a foreign language)

Ciao.

(audience laughing)

I go now and I take Mona Lorelei with me.

- Bye, Leonardo.

Bon voyage.

(outer space music)

I'll see you at the museum, Tim.

- Okay.

Oh, wait a minute, Uncle Martin, Mrs. Brown.

- [Martin] Oh, yes, yes.

I better unfreeze her.

- Let's see now, I was on my way to the museum.

- Uncle Martin, the smile, the smile.

- [Martin] I must've frozen it on too hard.

But don't worry, it'll thaw out in a few hours.

(door knocking)

- Oh, there you are, O'Hara.

- Yes, how about that, Lieutenant, here I am.

- Who gave you permission to leave the museum?

Hello, Lorelei.

- Hello, Bill.

- What's been going on around here, anyway?

- Well, that's a long story, Lieutenant.

You see, um, uh, when you came in the room.

- O'Hara would you stand still.

- Oh, sorry.

Now, what was I saying?

Oh, yes, um.

- Nevermind.

I wouldn't believe you in any case.

- Well, I can't say that I blame you, Lieutenant.

I wouldn't either.

(majestic music)

- It's here.

The moment we have all been waiting for.

Notice that the colors are so fresh

that it looks as though it were painted only yesterday.

- Today.

Oh, Uncle Martin.

Well, you did it again.

- Yes, I thought it was rather magnificent.

(audience laughing)

- Strange, I, I never heard of this da Vinci work before.

(audience laughing)

- How did?

- That wonderful ham must've dropped it off on his way back.

Well, Brennan was right about one thing, Tim.

- He was?

- You just can't trust an itinerant artist.

(audience laughing)

(outer space music)