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1
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:08,976
(bright, twinkling music)
2
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:13,047
- [Tim] Okay fella, here we go.
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,183
Atta boy.
4
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,318
(grunts)
5
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,353
Okay, okay.
6
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,856
Alright now listen, when
Uncle Martin asks you
7
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,858
where you live,
you tell him right?
8
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:27,361
And then after dinner I'll
take you back to your master.
9
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,662
Okay?
10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,030
(magical whirling tone)
11
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,832
(audience laughter)
12
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,136
(footsteps thud)
13
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:38,672
(twinkling fantasy music)
14
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,244
Home Uncle Martin, and I'd
like you to meet my date
15
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:45,413
for this evening.
16
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,449
- Oh, good evening
Tim, guest for dinner?
17
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,418
- Yeah.
18
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,489
What do you call that?
19
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,258
- Beautiful.
20
00:00:57,291 --> 00:01:00,428
- Beautiful? That's one
of my kitchen chairs,
21
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,196
the one with the even legs.
22
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:05,566
(audience laughter)
23
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:09,403
(steam whirring)
24
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,905
- Tim, what you you say if I
told you your kitchen chair
25
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,241
was right here?
26
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,443
- You're putting me on.
27
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,245
That is my kitchen chair?
28
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,646
- Mm hmm, it is.
29
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,081
- Let's see you sit on it.
30
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,083
- You don't understand Tim.
31
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:26,220
But to give you an idea of
what I've accomplished here,
32
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:29,423
I want you to think
of a field of flowers.
33
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:32,025
- A field of flowers.
34
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:36,797
- Now, we condense every
delicate blossom into a single
35
00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:38,532
little bottle of perfume.
36
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,568
- Oh, oh.
37
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,938
Now that is perfume
of kitchen chair.
38
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,141
- Exactly.
39
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,547
- It'll never sell.
40
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,584
(audience laughter)
41
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,624
(radar beeping)
42
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,595
(ascending piano)
43
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:13,634
(rapid radar beeping)
44
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:17,838
(dramatic fantasy music)
45
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:31,652
(magical whirling music)
46
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,561
- I suppose Tim you're
aware that all things,
47
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,597
animal and vegetable, are
composed mainly of water.
48
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:47,100
- Well, I've had times when
my knees have turned to water.
49
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:50,103
- I've developed a method of
miniaturizing and distilling
50
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:53,073
such things into a tiny fraction
of their original volume,
51
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,542
and in liquid form.
52
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:59,146
I call it super-micro
distillating liqui-chemi chosis.
53
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,081
- Super-micro distillating--
54
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,616
- Liqui-chemi chosis.
55
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,419
- Sounds like a song
I've heard before.
56
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:06,954
- It's nothing so frivolous.
57
00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:09,423
- Oh, of course not, it's
for more important things,
58
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,292
like making kitchen chair juice.
59
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,894
- That was merely experimental.
60
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:19,733
(magical whirling tones)
61
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,770
(audience laughter)
62
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:30,578
You see you haven't lost
a kitchen chair Tim,
63
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,145
you've merely lost a border.
64
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,614
- Lost a border?
65
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,917
- I intend to super-micro
distillate, liqui-chemichosize
66
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,687
myself, down to half a cup
of liquid, light enough
67
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,222
to escape earth's
gravity in my spaceship,
68
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:43,791
and to return to Mars.
69
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,026
But I'll need a bit
of help from you.
70
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,995
- Sure, anything I can do.
71
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:51,532
- I'll need you to pour the
essence of me into a container,
72
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,702
place it aboard my spaceship,
and launch me on my way.
73
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,337
- How soon do you think
you'll be leaving?
74
00:03:56,370 --> 00:04:00,240
- Tonight, as soon as I
can have my ship ready.
75
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,710
I can't believe it Tim.
76
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:06,280
Tonight, I should be soaring
toward that distant shore,
77
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:10,551
that seat of genius,
that reddish gleam,
that precious stone
78
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,622
set in the jewel-lit
space, that blessed orb,
79
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:17,991
that happy isle, that monarch.
80
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,162
- That sounds like
something that Shakespeare
81
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,664
wrote about England.
82
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,500
- Of course it does, from whom
do you think he borrowed it?
83
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:29,002
(audience laughter)
84
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,004
- Uncle Martin you'll
never get off the ground.
85
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,807
You're trying to take
everything but the kitchen sink.
86
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,643
- I knew I left something.
87
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,647
(magical hovering tone)
88
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,950
- You mean to tell me you
actually expect to get all that
89
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,818
junk into the spaceship?
90
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,854
- Certainly.
91
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,993
(magical whirling tones)
92
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,962
(audience laughter)
93
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,164
- Hey, how did you do that?
94
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,232
It looks like a
half a pair of dice.
95
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,034
- Well it was quite
simple really.
96
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,737
When your own earth scientists
finally split the atom,
97
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,340
they too discovered it
consisted mostly of space.
98
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,175
I merely removed that space.
99
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,610
Here, give me a hand
with it will you?
100
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,878
- Sure.
101
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,746
(dramatic brass tones)
102
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,782
(audience laughter)
103
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:18,986
- Well I only removed the space
Tim, not the matter itself.
104
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,357
(dramatic brass tones)
105
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:26,527
- Well I've heard of loaded
dice, but this is ridiculous.
106
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,261
(audience laughter)
107
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,963
- I've already placed
full instructions
108
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,765
for my reconstitution
in the spaceship.
109
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,867
The special container to
hold the liquid is ready.
110
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,603
And you know how
to launch the ship.
111
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:36,437
- Uh huh.
112
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,838
- Now all that remains,
113
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:42,042
is super-micro distillating
liqui-chemi chosis.
114
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:45,746
Super-micro distillating
liqui-chemi chosis,
115
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,684
Everything you put in it
comes out in liquid doses.
116
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,820
* A chair, a man, a house
117
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,287
* Or just a bunch a roses
118
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,957
* Super-micro distillating
liqui-chemi chosis
119
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:57,991
(audience laughter)
120
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,793
- Tim.
121
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,432
- Now I know where where
Mary Poppins got that.
122
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,099
- This time you're wrong Tim.
123
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:09,269
Spercalifragilisticexpialidociou
is
entirely
original
124
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,706
with her, but isn't is a
remarkable coincidence?
125
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:16,109
- Well I guess I was just
joking around because,
126
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,045
well I hate to say goodbye.
127
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:21,314
- But it's not necessary
for you to say goodbye Tim.
128
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,451
You see I've read your mind
and I know how you feel
129
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:24,918
about my leaving.
130
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:27,621
I'm a little sad too.
131
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:31,592
But, I'll be dropping
in from time to time.
132
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,061
Tim, uh that little
jar over there,
133
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,896
would you hand it to me please?
134
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,431
- Sure.
135
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,205
- Now, this is the stuff
that does the liquifying,
136
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,308
a rare Martian ore
called narishkeit.
137
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,947
(steam whirring)
138
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,716
- Hey Uncle Martin?
139
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,586
Hold it I forgot to
get your address!
140
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:02,022
(magical twinkling tone)
141
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,292
I guess I blew it.
142
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:08,061
I suppose I can write to
him care of jungle delivery,
143
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,329
to Mars.
144
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:12,232
(audience laughter)
145
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:16,904
Well fella, if you ever want
a place to stay, this is it.
146
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,907
They'll be plenty of room now.
147
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,843
Oh I forgot, I left the
cosmic ray-proof container
148
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,713
down in the garage,
be right back.
149
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,651
Uncle Martin, don't go away.
150
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,786
(audience laughter)
151
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:36,223
(dramatic fantasy music)
152
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,898
(audience laughter)
153
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:48,368
(dramatic fantasy music)
154
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,973
Uncle Martin?
155
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:59,346
(ascending dramatic music)
156
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,749
(audience laughter)
157
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:02,683
Uncle Martin?
158
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,284
- [Dog] Uncle Martin indeed,
159
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,554
or should I say
Uncle Martin in dog?
160
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:09,690
- Uncle Martin, that's you.
161
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,092
- [Dog] Who were you
expecting, Lassie?
162
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,828
Of course it's me, the
instant this flea transport
163
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,363
lapped up my essence,
164
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:19,733
it went directly
to his intellectual
center and I took over.
165
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,569
- Well, we've gotta
get you out of there.
166
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,436
- [Dog] I suppose you know how?
167
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,173
- Well, couldn't
you just ah, ah?
168
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:29,476
- [Dog] No I
couldn't just ah, ah.
169
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,680
I'd end up with my essence,
mixed with the dog's.
170
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:36,717
I have to find a way to
completely separate the two.
171
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,252
I'd like to know
what's so funny.
172
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:42,623
- I'm talking to a dog, the
dog is talking back to me.
173
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,124
It's kinda wild.
174
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,994
- [Dog] And when I solidified,
I expected to home on Mars.
175
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,930
- Right now, you'd
be a sensation on TV.
176
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,365
(audience laughter)
177
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,134
(light twinkling music)
178
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,403
Uncle Martin I'm back.
179
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:59,539
(low dramatic music)
180
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,111
(magical twinkling tones)
181
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,746
- Well I see you got the answer.
182
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,247
- [Dog] How did you know?
183
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,882
- Your tail is wagging.
184
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,151
- [Dog] Well you're right
Tim, I have found it,
185
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,822
a simple way to liquify the
dog, separate the two essences,
186
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,925
mine and his, and reconstitute
them individually.
187
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,694
- Oh, it won't hurt
the pup will it?
188
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,495
- [Dog] Tim what
do you take me for?
189
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,632
Of course not, now if
you could run over to
190
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:25,899
a chemical company,
191
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,536
I'll need a pint of
aleosto-methylethene 16.
192
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:33,907
- Right,
aleosto-methylethene 16.
193
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,943
- [Dog] Right, one pint.
194
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,816
Well that equation
seems to be correct.
195
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:47,020
Oh my, that should be
aleosto-methylethene 15, not 16.
196
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,891
Tim, Tim, wait,
I made a mistake.
197
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:56,764
Tim wait, it isn't
16 Tim, it's 15.
198
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,235
Tim.
199
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,037
(ascending flutes)
200
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,505
Tim, wait Tim.
201
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:08,041
Blazing meteorites.
202
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,010
(audience laughter)
203
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:13,213
(low dramatic flutes)
204
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:19,119
(dramatic brass music)
205
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,325
- Uncle Martin I'm back.
206
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,294
Hey listen that stuff
doesn't come in a 16,
207
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,196
it only comes in a 15.
208
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,231
Well at least that's what I
brought, if it doesn't work
209
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,801
I can always take it back.
210
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,003
Uncle Martin?
211
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,407
Uncle Martin?
212
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,212
Yoo-hoo, Uncle Martin?
213
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:48,348
(low dramatic music)
214
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,319
(footsteps thudding)
215
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,955
Hey Uncle Martin, Uncle Martin?
216
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,991
(audience laughter)
217
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,193
(whistling)
218
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,696
Uncle Martin, hey.
219
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,733
(audience laughter)
220
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,439
Uncle Martin?
221
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,842
(whistling)
222
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,278
(dramatic fantasy music)
223
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,851
(dogs barking)
224
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:41,034
- No Glenys, will you listen
to your poor husband please?
225
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:43,570
I've got to get away
some place quiet.
226
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,405
I need a complete rest.
227
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,041
Today I've been hearing voices.
228
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:51,011
Huh, what do you mean
you've been hearing vo--
229
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,880
You've been hearing voices too.
230
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,783
I've been hearing voices
where there are no voices.
231
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:59,252
I was sure I heard voices, I
went over to one of the cages,
232
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,789
I thought somebody was in
there, there was nobody in there
233
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,490
but some barking dogs.
234
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,893
I'm telling you I'm
crackin up Glenys.
235
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:09,830
Look at my hand shaking,
will ya shut up and look?
236
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:14,034
(dogs barking)
237
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,509
- Oh uh, I'm sorry excuse me.
238
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:25,913
(audience laughter)
239
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:29,449
(dramatic whirling tones)
240
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,152
Uncle martin?
241
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,088
(audience laughter)
242
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,457
(whistling)
243
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,362
(ascending dramatic music)
244
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,331
Excuse me.
245
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,732
- What?
246
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,435
- Sorry I didn't mean to
startle you like that.
247
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,938
- It's not your fault, it's
just that I've been having
248
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,272
a terrible day,
I've been hearing
249
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,773
nothing but voices behind me.
250
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:55,308
I've been afraid to turn around
251
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,776
and see nothing but dogs again.
252
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,045
- Oh I'm sorry to hear that,
253
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,479
no I'm not.
254
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,548
You say you've been
hearing nothing but voices?
255
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,183
And every time
you turned around,
256
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,852
there was nothing but dogs?
257
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:05,785
- It's eerie.
258
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,988
- Would you say it sounded like
259
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,522
a man?
260
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,224
- Yeah yeah, that's right,
you been hearing them too?
261
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,393
- Well let's just say that
if you were to show me
262
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:17,530
the same dogs, I might
just hear the same voices.
263
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:20,800
- You mean you
wanna, on purpose?
264
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,903
- That's how I get my kicks.
265
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,938
(audience laughter)
266
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,707
- There are the cages,
be my guest, live.
267
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:30,743
(audience laughter)
268
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:36,149
- That's it huh,
that the only one?
269
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,351
- All except one, Too-Too.
270
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,954
- One, Too-Too? That
a license number?
271
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,957
- No, one is the number,
Too-Too is the name.
272
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:46,126
Little brown and
white mutt, cute,
273
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,394
keeps running away.
274
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,896
- Yeah what happened to him?
275
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,763
- Picked up by the
lady who owns him.
276
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,799
- Picked up by the
lady who owns him?
277
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,902
- Bout an hour ago.
278
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,304
- Mamma Mia.
279
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,740
(dramatic whirling tone)
280
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,912
(dramatic fantasy music)
281
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:09,249
- Oh my poor darlin, oh
my poor little sweetheart.
282
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,351
Did you miss your Mommy?
283
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,820
Your Mommy missed
little Too-Too.
284
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:18,025
I'm so happy he's back
safe and sound (smooch).
285
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:29,436
And now, let me see you
sit up and beg for Mommy.
286
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,804
Up, Too-Too up.
287
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,642
And now this is for you,
288
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,410
a doggy yummy.
289
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:40,447
(audience laughter)
290
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:46,719
And now, Mommy's gonna fix
baby his favorite dinner,
291
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,422
raw liver.
292
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,891
- [Dog] Raw liver, I've
not only got to reach Tim,
293
00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:55,662
he's got to get me out
of here before dinner.
294
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,633
(magical whirling tone)
295
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:03,203
(audience laughter)
296
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,573
(rotary dialing sounds)
297
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,644
(phone rings)
298
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,446
- Hello?
299
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,749
Uncle Martin where are you?
300
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,451
Where?
301
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,622
Yeah, well that's right
in the neighborhood.
302
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,890
Uh huh.
303
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,192
- [Dog] Well then
please hurry Tim,
304
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:29,162
you can't imagine what
I've been going through.
305
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:34,501
And she does nothing but hug
me and kiss me all the time,
306
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:38,105
she's mad about me, I have to
say goodbye Tim, just hurry.
307
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:41,474
(magical whirling tone)
308
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,811
(door thuds open)
309
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:49,016
(dramatic matador music)
310
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,921
- [Man] Ah Ha!
311
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,125
(audience laughter)
312
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,927
(dramatic music)
313
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,365
Darling you're home
and look who's here?
314
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,899
- I'm lookin, where?
315
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,436
- He's right here,
say hello to Too-Too.
316
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,639
- Not that cockroach,
where's loverboy?
317
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,407
Ahhhh!
318
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,809
Loverboy, Hector
the Homewrecker,
319
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,945
I heard a man's voice in here.
320
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,780
- A man's voice in here?
321
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,083
- And don't say it was
the TV set I heard.
322
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,617
I felt it and it's cold.
323
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,987
- Honey did you have a drink
with the boys on your way home?
324
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,523
- You mean nobody's been
here and nobody's here now?
325
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:33,026
- Only me and Too-Too.
326
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,827
Jealous?
327
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,132
(smooch)
328
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:42,435
- I could've sworn
I heard a voice.
329
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:45,305
(barks excitedly)
330
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,042
- Look, he wants you
to take him for a walk,
331
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,277
don't you Too-Too?
332
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,712
(excited bark)
333
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,247
Isn't that precious?
334
00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:57,684
He wants to be right back, now
don't keep him waiting honey.
335
00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:01,354
- Why couldn't you have
been born a Great Dane?
336
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,824
(magical whirling music)
337
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,761
- [Man] What's with
you and my wife?
338
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:09,996
- Huh?
339
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,198
- Bernard have you
lost your mind?
340
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:12,832
I've never seen that man before.
341
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,302
- Yeah well Too-Too seems
to know him pretty good.
342
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,104
- Oh oh, well I can explain
that, you know how a dog is
343
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,238
man's best friend?
344
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,339
- [Man] Yeah?
345
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,607
- I'm a dog.
346
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,442
- Now don't do anything
you could be sorry for.
347
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,511
- Yeah, don't do anything
I'll be sorry for.
348
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,413
- Now listen you, I got
a phonographic memory,
349
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,047
I never forget a voice.
350
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,049
Now you say, "Hug
me and kiss me."
351
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,152
Go ahead.
352
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,254
- Hug me and kiss me.
353
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,523
(audience laughter)
354
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,425
- Well you're not
the voice I heard.
355
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,692
- I'm glad.
356
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,662
(audience laughter)
357
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,831
- Poor man are you alright?
358
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,200
Bernard you oughta be ashamed.
359
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:50,002
- Alright I'm sorry.
360
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,240
I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
and just to prove it
361
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,041
I'll buy whatever
you're selling.
362
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,643
- Oh I'm not selling anything.
363
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,612
No no, I'm buying, I'd
like to buy your dog.
364
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:00,947
- Oh that dog?
365
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,950
- Too-Too? He's not for sale.
366
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,218
- Oh well, how much?
367
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,919
- Bernard.
368
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,488
- Yeah, how much?
369
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:13,460
- Well, I can see how you
are attached to the dog.
370
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,696
What would you think about,
371
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,998
about, $100?
372
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:21,134
$100? For that dog?
373
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,635
You must be kiddin.
374
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,172
- Well you certainly must
be, Too-Too's not for sale.
375
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,606
- Two hundred.
376
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,740
- $200?
377
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,609
- 250.
378
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,145
- Bernard Too-Too is not
for sale, not for any price.
379
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:33,646
- 275.
380
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,317
- 275, why don't you
381
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:41,354
let me talk to my
wife for a minute huh?
382
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,556
- Oh Bernard you can't be
serious, you just can't be.
383
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,292
I wouldn't sell
my little Too-Too,
384
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,959
not for a million dollars.
385
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,028
- Alright keep your shirt on
sweetheart, I wouldn't sell
386
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,530
a little mutt you love.
387
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,799
- Well then why're you
even listening to that man?
388
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:56,303
- To find out what his angle
is, something's funny here.
389
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,772
Nobody offers 275 bucks
for a handful of flea bait.
390
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,741
- Fleas, Too-Too?
391
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:05,512
- Okay, alright, but what
does he know that we don't?
392
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,347
- What do you mean?
393
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,749
- [Dog] I mean you
needn't try to buy me.
394
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,252
- What am I supposed to do,
just run out the door with you?
395
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,653
I'm not a dognapper.
396
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,855
- [Dog] Finesse dear
boy, use finesse,
397
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,559
borrow me for a few hours,
just ask, use a simple pretext.
398
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,728
That should be ample time to--
399
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,031
- Gwendolyn, did you
hear what I heard?
400
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,068
- I heard what you heard
if you heard what I heard.
401
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:32,405
- He talked, he talked, the
dog talked he talked to you.
402
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,207
I heard him, he talked, hahaha.
403
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,942
- Maybe he had something to say.
404
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:39,178
- Sure that's it, it was his
voice I heard when I came home.
405
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,448
Hey baby I have heard
jokes about talking dogs,
406
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,884
but he's for real, we own a
talking dog, he talks hahaha.
407
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,488
- All this time Too-Too and you
never told us how could you?
408
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,090
- No wonder you offered
so much for my little dog,
409
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,592
you knew all the time.
410
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,795
Thought you could steal gold
mine from under my nose, huh?
411
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,797
- [Dog] (laughs) Really now?
412
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,899
You mean a grown
man such as you,
413
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,270
can believe a dog, such as
me, could actually talk?
414
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:07,006
- Well I gotta admit, I
feel like I'm flippin out.
415
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,742
Well, look who I'm holding
a conversation with.
416
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:11,278
(audience laughter)
417
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:14,481
- [Dog] Yes, with whom are
you holding this conversation?
418
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,982
- Well, with you.
419
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:18,685
- [Dog] Bernard, may
I call you Bernard?
420
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,186
- Sure pal.
421
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,256
- I think you ought
to call him Daddy.
422
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:26,259
- Now hold on sweetheart, if
he wants to call me Bernard
423
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,262
it's okay with me,
you go ahead Too-Too.
424
00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,998
- [Dog] Bernard, Gwendolyn,
you've both just paid me
425
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:36,202
the highest tribute, a
ventriloquist ever received.
426
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:40,206
- A, a ventriloquist.
427
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,141
(audience laughter)
428
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,511
- Oh, oh, surprising isn't it?
429
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:48,080
I mean, I'm surprised that
you didn't catch on sooner.
430
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:51,117
(audience laughter)
431
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:55,955
- A, a ven, a ventriloquist.
432
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,057
- Well I didn't mean to
fool you so completely.
433
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,859
- My Too-Too still
isn't for sale.
434
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,362
- No I thought not
but, I thought maybe
I might borrow him.
435
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,063
- What for?
436
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,032
- You would ask
that wouldn't you?
437
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:07,634
- Ventriloquist.
438
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,570
Wouldn't you know I'd have to
have a dog that couldn't talk?
439
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,606
(audience laughter)
440
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:18,978
A ventriloquist, now, now just
a minute Mr. Ventriloquist.
441
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,815
If it was his voice I
heard through the door
442
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:26,252
when I came home, and
he is only your dummy,
443
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,555
then what's with
you and my wife?
444
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,923
(audience laughter)
445
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,392
- [Gwendolyn] Stop him!
446
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:33,593
- I'm trying.
447
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:38,531
(dramatic music)
(Gwendolyn shrieks)
448
00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:41,133
- [Dog] Tim, the moment I
got out into the corridor,
449
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:44,170
I threw up a force-field
designed to stop
Frisbee's punch.
450
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:46,606
- Yeah, well he beat you to it.
451
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,508
- [Dog] I'm afraid dog
paws aren't the most
452
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:51,277
efficient force-field
levitators, forgive me Tim.
453
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,046
- No forget it, now let's see,
454
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,749
the micro is humming,
455
00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:59,386
the distillater is burbling,
now all we have to do
456
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:01,220
is add a little narishkeit.
457
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:03,623
- [Dog] Not too much
narishkeit now, I'll need some
458
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,725
to liquify me for
my flight home.
459
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:08,761
- Check, now all we have
to do is add a little
460
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:11,631
aleosto-methylethene number 15.
461
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,967
That's to separate
the men from the toys.
462
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,370
(audience laughter)
463
00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:19,205
And a couple of ice cubes.
464
00:22:19,238 --> 00:22:23,410
(ice cubes clunking)
465
00:22:24,611 --> 00:22:26,145
Say you know a twist of lemon,
466
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,847
this would be a
marvelous cocktail.
467
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,416
- [Dog] Well as they
say on Madison Avenue,
468
00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:31,418
you can help me get
out of this pet thing
469
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:32,685
and into a cool Martin.
470
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:34,621
You may pour when
you're ready Tim.
471
00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:36,489
- Alrighty.
472
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:42,395
(steam whirring)
473
00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:45,765
(dramatic magical tone)
474
00:22:49,001 --> 00:22:51,370
Well that worked.
475
00:22:51,404 --> 00:22:53,706
Now let's see if this works.
476
00:22:53,740 --> 00:22:57,143
(dramatic magical music)
477
00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:05,151
(twinkling magical tones)
478
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:07,954
(upbeat trumpet)
479
00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:11,357
Uncle Martin, boy am
I glad to see you.
480
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:13,092
- Ah Tim, you don't
know how good it feels
481
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,561
to be a man again.
482
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,930
- Good I'd say, judging by
the way your tail is wagging.
483
00:23:17,964 --> 00:23:19,799
(dramatic fantasy music)
484
00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:23,235
(audience laughter)
485
00:23:23,269 --> 00:23:26,506
(Martin whimpers)
486
00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,808
- Tim I think you forgot
to clear the apparatus
487
00:23:28,841 --> 00:23:30,943
before reversing it.
488
00:23:30,977 --> 00:23:33,145
- And thereby, hangs a tail.
489
00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:36,549
(audience laughter)
490
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:39,919
(magical fantasy music)
491
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,757
Well you both look alright,
on the outside that is,
492
00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:46,025
how do you feel?
493
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:47,927
- Well speaking for
both of us, perfect.
494
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,497
- You don't have an urge
to bark or anything?
495
00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:51,898
- Well come to think of it,
496
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:53,666
I am suppressing
an urge to howl.
497
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:55,367
- Oh no come on Uncle
Martin you can't,
498
00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:57,704
we haven't got any more
narishkeit to liquify you with.
499
00:23:57,737 --> 00:24:00,607
- Well that's what
I'm suppressing a
desire to howl about.
500
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,009
- Oh yeah, well I guess I
sorta wiped out a chance
501
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:04,577
for you to go home didn't I?
502
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:07,146
- Well never mind,
I'll find another way.
503
00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:09,716
At any rate, one of us
should make it home.
504
00:24:09,749 --> 00:24:12,118
I'll get our little friend
here back to Gwendolyn.
505
00:24:12,151 --> 00:24:13,886
- Oh well, I'll take him.
506
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,722
- Oh I don't think it's
advisable for you to bump into
507
00:24:15,755 --> 00:24:17,056
a jealous Bernard again.
508
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:18,357
- Oh listen how bout you?
509
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:20,126
It's not gonna be
any easier you know,
510
00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:22,328
with his phonographic memory,
what about your voice?
511
00:24:22,361 --> 00:24:25,164
- Have no fear Tim, Bernard
will never recognize my voice
512
00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:27,066
disguised like this.
513
00:24:27,099 --> 00:24:29,301
- No, but it sounds
familiar to me.
514
00:24:29,335 --> 00:24:30,537
Who's voice is that?
515
00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:31,704
- Bernard's.
516
00:24:31,738 --> 00:24:33,439
Hey listen Too-Too,
you know what?
517
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,174
I think your Mommy has raw
liver for your dinner tonight,
518
00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:36,408
how would you like that?
519
00:24:36,442 --> 00:24:38,410
(tempered bark)
520
00:24:38,444 --> 00:24:41,280
Mm, that's what I thought,
you don't like it very much.
521
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:44,817
(twinkling magical music)
522
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:52,091
(dramatic fantasy music)
37688
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