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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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ABIGAIL:
Boop!
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[SNORTS]
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Ugh!
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What the heck?
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Well, I have good news.
You don't have any bats in the cave.
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And, also, I have a surprise for you.
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I made you some muesli.
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Oh, all right.
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It might be dog kibble because I sat
on my glasses and I flattened them.
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What time is it?
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It's 5:00.
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Why did you wake me up so early?
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It's 5:00 in the afternoon.
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Yeah. I usually wake up about 7.
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Well, enough of the silliness.
Eat your breakfast-dinner.
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Is this the surprise?
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No. I'm taking you to a concert tonight.
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- Ooh. Who?
- You have to guess.
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- Post Malone?
- Who?
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- SZA?
- What?
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- Dolly Parton.
- I wish.
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- Lizzo.
- You do it and you'll clean it up.
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I am taking you to see
my favorite family singing group.
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Hold on to your ducking hat,
because we are going to see BBPS.
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The Brothers BcBillan Plus Sisters.
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Yay!
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And I even bought the tickets
on my fancy new cellular phone.
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Yeah, you did, you baller.
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Why don't we ask some of your new
school friends to come with us tonight?
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Nah. I just like hanging out, us time.
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Who the hell is that?
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This is my new handywoman-man.
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Her name is Junie. She's been here all day
working on my bush and knockers.
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I spent the day trimming
her hydrangea bush
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and polishing her door knockers.
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Oh.
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And listen, when I come back tomorrow,
I'm gonna...
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Oh, my.
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Oh, my earring.
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Thank you, Junie.
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[ABIGAIL GIGGLING]
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[WHEEZING]
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This is dog kibble by the way.
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Junie.
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You know this place used
to be called the Money Shot,
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and they had a great commercial.
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♪ Where the whores are tricky
And the floors are sticky ♪
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♪ Money shot ♪
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[POPS]
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[CELL PHONE RINGING]
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Oh, look at this.
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It's my agent, Jerry.
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He just always calls
at the most inopportune times.
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I love him, but he's a pain in my ass.
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Hello, Abigail.
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[SCOFFS]
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Jerry, you're FaceTiming me
and not a profile pic.
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You look well.
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- How's the new book coming?
- Poor connection.
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You know, because you're off the clock.
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Hi, what do I have to get you?
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I would like a perky red,
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and I'll have a ream of shrimp
and a beret, medium rare.
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I'll have the salad and Skittles
and a soda.
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I'm so excited about this group.
Have you ever seen them before?
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No. But I have seen beaver crap
roll off a car hood, so:
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[CLICKS TONGUE]
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same diff.
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Well, I hope they play all my favorites.
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And I hope they drive their tour bus
into a gulch.
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People in this town
really don't hold back, and I like it.
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So, what sort of music is this?
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ABIGAIL:
It's like a gospel cult-pop.
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They've been touring as a family
since childhood,
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and they're as inseparable
as their harmonies.
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Oh, that sounds nice.
78
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Sometimes I wish I wasn't an only child.
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Well, your father is pretty foxy,
so I'm sure there are others out there.
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-What?
MAN: Abigail.
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Hey, Abigail.
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- Oh, great.
- Abigail.
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Gilbert's here.
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- Smile like you're glad to see him.
- Hi!
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Wow, I've never seen him
without his cop uniform.
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He's really leaning
into that turtleneck-vest combo.
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He looks very hot.
Temperature-wise, obviously.
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- Here's your shit.
- Oh.
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[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
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Thank you.
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You know, I aspired
to be a professional singer.
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When I was in my 20s,
I sang with the local philharmonic.
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And when I was on my final note,
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a moth flew into my windpipe,
and I coughed for nearly an hour.
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Since then, I've been terrified
to sing in public.
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But that moth came out three days later
in my stool, and it was still alive.
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ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the stage
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the Brothers BcBillan Plus Sisters.
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[CROWD CHEERS]
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[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ There's a feeling when it's right ♪
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♪ When you're reeling and it's tight ♪
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♪ It's that sweet spot
It's that cute cot ♪
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♪ We call it family ♪
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♪ We're a wham bam family ♪
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♪ We're attached at the hip-hop ♪
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♪ Making music that won't stop ♪
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♪ - It's that perfect note
- Perfect note ♪
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♪ - It's that billy goat
- Billy goat ♪
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♪ We call it family ♪
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♪ We're a wham bam family ♪
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♪ We're a wham bam family ♪
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ABIGAIL:
They sound so good.
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Am I high and forgot?
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I'm high on BBPS.
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Hey, you know, Bran, you're
the best brother a guy could beg for.
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Thanks, pal. I love you so much
it's hurts like a coronary event.
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-Hey, what about your sisters?
-Hey, what about your sisters?
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[CROWD LAUGHS]
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SISTER 1: You boys are the cutest.
We wished we weren't related.
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Yeah, things would be so different
because you're so cute.
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Oh!
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They love each other to death.
It's so cute.
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You're stealing the show.
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You piece of shit.
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-You ate my fucking sandwich.
-Go to hell, piece of shit.
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Hey, no family is perfect, right?
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True.
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♪ We came out of the same mama tunnel ♪
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♪ We came out of the same daddy dream ♪
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♪ Raving like puppies
That's a-yippin' and a-yappin' ♪
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♪ Fighting over church and dolls
And sweet ice cream ♪
133
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♪ It's just sibling ♪
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♪ Sibling jive-alry ♪
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[GOSPEL MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ - Go, Brody!
- Go, Brody! ♪
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♪ Go, Brody! Go, Brody! Go, Brody! ♪
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♪ Go, Brody! Go, Brody! ♪
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♪ Go, Brody! ♪
140
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♪ Go, Broda! Go, Broda! Go, Broda! ♪
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♪ Go, Broda! Go, Broda! Go, Broda! ♪
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♪ Go, Brenda! Go, Brenda! Go, Brenda! ♪
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BRODY:
♪ Who's Brenda? Who's Brenda? ♪
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♪ - Go, Brenda!
- Oh, Brenda! ♪
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♪ Go, Brenda! Go, Brenda! Go, Brenda! ♪
146
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♪ Go, Brenda! Go, Brenda! Go, Brenda! ♪
147
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♪ Go, Bran! Go, Bran! Go, Bran! ♪
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♪ Go, Bran! Go, Bran! Go, Bran! ♪
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- ♪ Whoa, oh, no, Bran ♪
-Get it.
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- Get it.
- Stop, Bran.
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♪ Sibling jive-alry ♪
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Oh, my God.
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Come on, Bran.
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BRODY:
Come on, Bran.
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Come on, Bran. Get up, man.
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Bran, come on.
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Bran.
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[CHUCKLING]
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BRODA: What's he-- What's he doing?
BRODY: Bran?
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[BRENDA SCREAMS]
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[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
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He's dead!
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Oh, no!
11896
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