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_
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00:00:03,078 --> 00:00:04,608
Avoid crowded aisles,
3
00:00:04,633 --> 00:00:06,327
stay six feet away from
everyone at all times.
4
00:00:06,351 --> 00:00:08,601
Do not let your mind wander.
Do not touch your face.
5
00:00:08,637 --> 00:00:10,968
Do not forget to wipe your credit
card down with sanitary wipes.
6
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- Got 'em.
- Are you sure you're up for this?
7
00:00:12,687 --> 00:00:14,318
I usually do all the
quarantine shopping.
8
00:00:14,343 --> 00:00:15,851
I know where everything is.
I can get in and out...
9
00:00:15,875 --> 00:00:18,355
Just give me the list.
I'll cross everything off.
10
00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:20,661
You're not the only one who
wants to get out of the house.
11
00:00:20,962 --> 00:00:22,515
Okay.
12
00:00:24,015 --> 00:00:25,380
Good luck.
13
00:00:25,587 --> 00:00:27,263
Can I kiss the baby goodbye?
14
00:00:27,515 --> 00:00:30,421
If you don't come back,
I'll tell her how brave her daddy was.
15
00:00:32,983 --> 00:00:34,081
Got this.
16
00:00:34,972 --> 00:00:35,972
Got it.
17
00:00:35,997 --> 00:00:37,374
Shit.
18
00:00:37,850 --> 00:00:39,108
Still got it.
19
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,250
I don't have a good feeling about this.
20
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,541
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
21
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,060
What do you think?
22
00:00:57,496 --> 00:00:59,132
I love it.
23
00:00:59,157 --> 00:01:01,600
Great, 'cause I made it for you.
24
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:04,280
Aw, what would I do without you?
25
00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:07,470
Probably spray your nasty oral droplets
26
00:01:07,495 --> 00:01:08,867
all over vulnerable people.
27
00:01:10,177 --> 00:01:11,509
- That's very true.
- Hmm.
28
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Beautiful mask for a beautiful girl.
29
00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:22,821
- Foot rub?
- Yes, please.
30
00:01:25,658 --> 00:01:29,738
Uh, what, w-what is happening
with the hairiness on the leg?
31
00:01:29,763 --> 00:01:31,625
Oh, it's called "feminism."
32
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You might wanna look it up.
33
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- Fema-what?
- Femi-nism.
34
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Oh, okay.
35
00:01:38,739 --> 00:01:40,150
Oh my God.
36
00:01:40,841 --> 00:01:42,236
Hot shower guy.
37
00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:10,361
- That was a short one.
- They're all too short.
38
00:02:11,088 --> 00:02:13,589
Unfortunately, for me,
I think he's straight.
39
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But that is great for you.
40
00:02:15,898 --> 00:02:18,228
He is not my type.
41
00:02:18,253 --> 00:02:21,103
I doubt he's ever read a
book in his entire life.
42
00:02:21,781 --> 00:02:23,117
Okay, I'm officially bored.
43
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:24,314
What do you want to do?
44
00:02:24,350 --> 00:02:25,650
I don't know.
45
00:02:25,685 --> 00:02:26,890
What do you wanna do?
46
00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:28,220
What do you wanna do?
47
00:02:28,687 --> 00:02:30,486
What do you wanna do?
48
00:02:32,995 --> 00:02:35,823
_
49
00:02:37,986 --> 00:02:40,799
Climb Your Partner Challenge, take one.
50
00:02:40,824 --> 00:02:45,417
_
51
00:03:03,055 --> 00:03:04,565
Online college blows.
52
00:03:04,589 --> 00:03:06,834
I can't believe we're missing
the end of our freshman years.
53
00:03:06,858 --> 00:03:08,524
Yeah, but have you seen the projections?
54
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,260
They're saying, like,
200,000 people could die!
55
00:03:11,296 --> 00:03:13,862
But, like, mostly old people, right?
56
00:03:13,898 --> 00:03:16,599
Why can't everyone over
the age of 65 stay at home
57
00:03:16,624 --> 00:03:19,198
so the rest of us can go out and,
like, stimulate the economy?
58
00:03:19,223 --> 00:03:21,281
Not everything's about money, Jordan.
59
00:03:21,306 --> 00:03:23,372
This thing is disproportionately
affecting
60
00:03:23,408 --> 00:03:25,107
black and brown and poor communities.
61
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You need to check your white privilege!
62
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,545
For your information,
I watched "The Help" last night.
63
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Jordan! That movie is so problematic!
Are you joking?
64
00:03:33,318 --> 00:03:35,698
Why? It made me cry.
65
00:03:35,723 --> 00:03:37,122
Okay, where should I start?
66
00:03:37,147 --> 00:03:40,533
Um, it was written and
directed by a white man,
67
00:03:40,558 --> 00:03:42,891
and it totally promotes
the white savior trope.
68
00:03:42,927 --> 00:03:45,167
How is it that you go to
Berkeley and you don't get this?
69
00:03:45,196 --> 00:03:47,612
You know, I really don't need
a lecture right now.
70
00:03:47,998 --> 00:03:49,512
I'm totally over this.
71
00:03:49,537 --> 00:03:52,010
The problem with Americans
is that they're selfish,
72
00:03:52,035 --> 00:03:54,669
and they're not willing to
make the smallest sacrifices
73
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to keep other people safe.
74
00:03:56,707 --> 00:03:58,619
So are you gonna get tested?
75
00:03:58,644 --> 00:04:01,687
No way. That swab they stick
up your nose really hurts.
76
00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:05,079
Oh! So, I have to make sacrifices,
but you don't?
77
00:04:05,115 --> 00:04:07,563
I'm not leaving my bubble, you are.
78
00:04:07,588 --> 00:04:10,088
Mm. Okay. All right.
79
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Hey.
80
00:04:13,631 --> 00:04:15,705
That's a good look.
81
00:04:16,116 --> 00:04:18,537
Oh, yeah, it's my video call apparel.
82
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:21,009
Business up top, party on the bottom.
83
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:22,397
You seem busier than ever.
84
00:04:22,422 --> 00:04:25,490
Ah, it takes a global
pandemic for people to realize
85
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they need life insurance.
86
00:04:29,306 --> 00:04:30,538
Seriously?
87
00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,440
You're supposed to wash
and sanitize every hour.
88
00:04:33,542 --> 00:04:34,953
Your hands, not your ear.
89
00:04:34,978 --> 00:04:36,577
What if I touch my ear with my hand
90
00:04:36,602 --> 00:04:38,338
and then I touch my face?
91
00:04:38,815 --> 00:04:41,330
Hey, I've been meaning to tell you
92
00:04:41,355 --> 00:04:43,744
Jordan's gonna come
and quarantine with us.
93
00:04:45,922 --> 00:04:48,089
Jordan? Sophie's boyfriend?
94
00:04:48,124 --> 00:04:50,124
- He's moving in with us?
- It was either that,
95
00:04:50,149 --> 00:04:52,061
or she was threatening to go
quarantine with his family.
96
00:04:52,085 --> 00:04:53,571
And I have no say in this?
97
00:04:53,596 --> 00:04:55,096
We have no say in this.
98
00:04:55,121 --> 00:04:56,766
That's 'cause you
cater to her every need.
99
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,572
I do not.
100
00:04:58,597 --> 00:05:00,130
How many parents put up
101
00:05:00,155 --> 00:05:03,383
a "Welcome Home to our Quaranteen"
banner for their kids?
102
00:05:03,408 --> 00:05:05,360
I was just trying to soften the blow.
103
00:05:05,385 --> 00:05:07,109
You know how intense
our daughter can be.
104
00:05:07,143 --> 00:05:09,158
How long is that gonna stay up, anyway?
105
00:05:10,446 --> 00:05:12,122
Feel free to take it down.
106
00:05:12,147 --> 00:05:14,092
And while you're at it,
why don't you do some dishes
107
00:05:14,116 --> 00:05:15,954
or, I don't know, cook a meal or two,
108
00:05:15,979 --> 00:05:17,296
'cause I've been cooking and cleaning up
109
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,586
after you guys for weeks,
and I'm tired of it.
110
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,893
I just wish you had said no to her.
111
00:05:22,825 --> 00:05:24,291
Why don't you say no to her, Paul?
112
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Watch her head explode?
113
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- Oh, I will.
- Good.
114
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Hey, um, Jordan's
getting tested tomorrow
115
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:31,682
so he can move in this weekend.
116
00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:36,502
I love you, Dad!
117
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I made you sourdough, sweetheart.
118
00:05:40,175 --> 00:05:42,142
Smells good, thanks.
I'm gonna go text Jordan
119
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to remind him to bring his swimsuit.
120
00:05:45,838 --> 00:05:47,070
Way to say no, Dad.
121
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Oh, what was I supposed to do?
122
00:05:48,684 --> 00:05:50,182
You already said yes.
123
00:05:54,122 --> 00:05:55,766
Maybe we should just tell her.
124
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That we don't like Jordan?
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That we're separated and
you don't live here anymore.
126
00:05:59,161 --> 00:06:02,039
I thought you said you didn't
want to see her head explode.
127
00:06:02,064 --> 00:06:04,627
Maybe she's not as dramatic as
we're giving her credit for.
128
00:06:04,652 --> 00:06:06,343
Oh my God!
129
00:06:06,368 --> 00:06:08,101
Oh my God! Oh my God!
130
00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:09,269
What's wrong?
131
00:06:09,294 --> 00:06:12,195
Jordan just broke up with me!
132
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In a text!
133
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He did?
134
00:06:15,377 --> 00:06:17,143
I mean, oh no.
135
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,467
What did he say, sweetheart?
136
00:06:18,492 --> 00:06:20,354
He said I'm too intense!
137
00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:21,994
Can you believe that?
138
00:06:22,584 --> 00:06:23,783
No!
139
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:24,985
How can he do this to me?
140
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:27,053
We're in the middle of a pandemic!
141
00:06:27,089 --> 00:06:28,654
The world could be ending!
142
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,145
- My life is over!
- Oh, sweet...
143
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:31,666
Dad!
144
00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:33,619
He's an asshole.
145
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:35,037
There, there.
146
00:06:35,366 --> 00:06:37,593
I'm sorry.
147
00:06:41,629 --> 00:06:43,557
What are you doing?
148
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:54,257
Okay, so remember the guy
I was virtually dating?
149
00:06:54,292 --> 00:06:55,492
Uh... Chris?
150
00:06:55,517 --> 00:06:56,883
- No.
- Jeremy?
151
00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:58,350
No. Niles.
152
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,229
Mmm, you haven't told me about him.
153
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,520
Okay, well, anyways,
154
00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:03,012
he wants me to move in with him
155
00:07:03,037 --> 00:07:05,167
and quarantine together.
156
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,536
That is crazy! You don't even know him.
157
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,239
Just promise me you won't
even think about that.
158
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,530
Ugh, okay, you're right.
159
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,365
Little Charli just put
my face in her hands
160
00:07:13,401 --> 00:07:15,463
and said "Dada,
I'm so happy you're home."
161
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,752
Aww, that makes two of us.
162
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,939
Hi, James!
163
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,704
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, guys,
164
00:07:22,729 --> 00:07:24,652
by any chance, are y'all pregnant?
165
00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:26,041
No.
166
00:07:26,657 --> 00:07:28,123
No.
167
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,781
You got peach yogurt.
168
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,082
Charli won't each peach.
169
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,877
She's three.
She'll eat whatever we give her.
170
00:07:32,902 --> 00:07:34,735
Okay, you get her to try it.
171
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,197
All right, I will.
172
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:40,172
- Got the thing?
- The spoon? Here.
173
00:07:40,937 --> 00:07:42,060
Thank you.
174
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,039
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
175
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,289
Good luck.
176
00:07:49,078 --> 00:07:51,346
Okay, girl, are you sure
you're not pregnant?
177
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,948
Because I had a dream that you were,
178
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,639
and I have the sixth sense, you know.
179
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,273
Remember that one time I dreamt
180
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:58,275
that Erica and Bow Wow
were gonna get divorced?
181
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:01,069
Yeah, you didn't need cosmic
powers to see that one coming.
182
00:08:01,094 --> 00:08:02,813
No, we're not even thinking about a baby
183
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,648
for another two years at least.
184
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,823
No! No peaches, Dada, no!
185
00:08:08,848 --> 00:08:10,097
Uh...
186
00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:11,589
Daddy, no!
187
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:13,898
Sounds like a fail for James.
188
00:08:16,109 --> 00:08:17,439
What's that child have against peaches?
189
00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:18,796
That's what I wanna know.
190
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,531
What did peaches ever do to her?
191
00:08:20,556 --> 00:08:22,810
Okay, I'm gonna leave
you two lovebirds alone.
192
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,039
Call me later, girl.
193
00:08:24,064 --> 00:08:25,196
Bye.
194
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,040
Hey, is this everything?
195
00:08:28,065 --> 00:08:29,650
Where are the apples?
196
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,909
And the string cheese? And toothpaste?
197
00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,662
- Weren't on the list.
- Yes, they were.
198
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,956
No, they were not.
I crossed everything off.
199
00:08:35,981 --> 00:08:37,525
I take it from the shelf,
put it in the cart,
200
00:08:37,549 --> 00:08:40,025
put a line through it.
From the shelf to...
201
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:43,065
You didn't tell me there
was stuff on the back.
202
00:08:44,556 --> 00:08:47,416
I didn't know there
was stuff on the back!
203
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:49,578
It's okay.
204
00:08:49,956 --> 00:08:51,923
I'll just order it tonight.
205
00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:57,596
You know...
206
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:00,775
what if we did talk about
having another baby?
207
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,658
I have been kicked...
208
00:09:09,444 --> 00:09:10,924
peed on,
209
00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:13,477
smeared in peanut butter,
210
00:09:13,502 --> 00:09:15,322
called Poop Butt Mama
211
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:18,336
about 20 times a day,
and it's only 10:30 in the morning.
212
00:09:18,361 --> 00:09:20,056
But you are the cutest Poop Butt Mama
213
00:09:20,091 --> 00:09:21,368
I've ever seen in my whole life.
214
00:09:21,392 --> 00:09:23,125
James, she's finally sleeping
215
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,704
through the night again in her own bed,
216
00:09:24,728 --> 00:09:26,877
and she's not in diapers anymore.
217
00:09:27,113 --> 00:09:29,666
You really wanna go back
to that baby phase again?
218
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:31,252
Maybe.
219
00:09:31,815 --> 00:09:35,371
I spent three years with Charli at home
220
00:09:35,396 --> 00:09:37,229
while you built your career,
221
00:09:37,859 --> 00:09:39,775
and I was fine with that.
222
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:42,033
Just feels like it's my turn.
223
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,390
No, you're right.
I was just thinking out loud.
224
00:09:44,415 --> 00:09:46,848
If we are in this
quarantine thing for a year
225
00:09:46,873 --> 00:09:48,963
before things are back
up and running again,
226
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,049
I was just, you know, I'm home.
227
00:09:51,487 --> 00:09:53,247
Just thinking it would
make sense that we...
228
00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:56,235
you know, maybe worked
on another little love child.
229
00:09:56,259 --> 00:09:58,437
But you're right. It's, it's your time.
230
00:09:58,462 --> 00:10:00,662
I feel it too. It's all good.
231
00:10:01,364 --> 00:10:03,231
So, you don't have
to worry about that now.
232
00:10:03,256 --> 00:10:05,361
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
233
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:15,471
What if this is the end of the world
234
00:10:15,496 --> 00:10:17,525
and we both die alone?
235
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,356
We won't, we'll die together.
236
00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:20,446
Mmm.
237
00:10:20,825 --> 00:10:23,095
Yeah, but my therapist was saying
238
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,620
a lot of normal people have been joining
239
00:10:25,655 --> 00:10:27,254
the dating apps
240
00:10:27,279 --> 00:10:28,919
'cause they have
all this time to reflect
241
00:10:28,944 --> 00:10:30,434
and they realize
242
00:10:30,459 --> 00:10:32,793
the one thing missing in their lives
243
00:10:32,818 --> 00:10:34,088
is true love.
244
00:10:34,296 --> 00:10:36,030
You know who else has a lot of time
245
00:10:36,065 --> 00:10:37,632
to go on the dating apps?
246
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:39,322
Psychopaths.
247
00:10:39,836 --> 00:10:42,994
True. But I was thinking,
248
00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:47,986
since we pick such horrible
people for ourselves
249
00:10:48,011 --> 00:10:51,278
maybe... we could pick for each other.
250
00:10:51,848 --> 00:10:53,547
- Mmm.
- Please!
251
00:10:53,572 --> 00:10:55,017
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
252
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:57,905
You know me better
than literally anybody.
253
00:10:58,121 --> 00:11:00,701
Fine. Okay.
254
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:04,157
- Well, give me yours.
- Okay...
255
00:11:06,327 --> 00:11:08,358
I'm going to find you
the love of your life.
256
00:11:14,102 --> 00:11:17,003
Um... your profile says
257
00:11:17,039 --> 00:11:19,305
you're seeking men and women?
258
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,639
- Is that a mistake?
- No.
259
00:11:26,782 --> 00:11:28,682
I don't know.
I just... Lately I've been feeling
260
00:11:28,717 --> 00:11:30,740
like my sexuality is evolving.
261
00:11:30,765 --> 00:11:32,217
Like...
262
00:11:32,242 --> 00:11:34,647
kinda been interested in
having sex with women.
263
00:11:35,057 --> 00:11:37,323
Um... like,
264
00:11:37,358 --> 00:11:39,258
like, anybody that we know?
265
00:11:39,283 --> 00:11:40,295
Mm.
266
00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:43,039
Ooh, kinda like Daenerys
267
00:11:43,064 --> 00:11:45,164
before she burns down King's Landing.
268
00:11:45,199 --> 00:11:48,452
She was really freaking
hot up until the end.
269
00:11:50,278 --> 00:11:52,314
I don't know. I'm
having all these dreams
270
00:11:52,339 --> 00:11:53,944
where I'm having sex with women.
271
00:11:53,969 --> 00:11:55,686
Just seems so...
272
00:11:56,402 --> 00:11:58,334
silky and nice.
273
00:11:58,359 --> 00:11:59,881
Like a perfume ad.
274
00:12:05,485 --> 00:12:06,863
Okay, just pick a guy for me for now.
275
00:12:06,887 --> 00:12:09,428
Okaaay!
276
00:12:16,006 --> 00:12:17,508
So when did you move to LA?
277
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:18,609
A couple years ago.
278
00:12:18,634 --> 00:12:19,999
Moved here for work.
279
00:12:20,024 --> 00:12:22,894
I'm a fashion stylist for photo shoots
280
00:12:22,919 --> 00:12:24,382
and then commercials.
281
00:12:24,407 --> 00:12:26,007
- Fashion.
- Whole bunch of stuff.
282
00:12:26,032 --> 00:12:27,599
Fashion is not my forte.
283
00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:30,823
Um, I'm presently wearing cargo shorts.
284
00:12:31,624 --> 00:12:32,624
Wow.
285
00:12:37,637 --> 00:12:38,835
Um...
286
00:12:39,617 --> 00:12:42,476
So what do you... Wha... wha...
What, um, what do you do?
287
00:12:42,501 --> 00:12:44,201
- Sorry.
- What do you do?
288
00:12:44,226 --> 00:12:46,468
Oh, I work for The Trevor Project.
289
00:12:46,493 --> 00:12:48,460
Get out. I, uh...
290
00:12:48,866 --> 00:12:51,570
Actually, sometimes I volunteer
at the LGBTQ Center.
291
00:12:52,078 --> 00:12:54,984
Well, look at us, being good people.
292
00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:58,584
Can I redact the thing that I
said about the cargo shorts?
293
00:12:58,619 --> 00:13:00,421
'Cause now I really want you to like me.
294
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,498
Mm... kind of unforgivable.
295
00:13:05,437 --> 00:13:08,382
Yeah, so I grew up in Colorado.
296
00:13:08,407 --> 00:13:10,151
Man, yeah, I miss the hiking.
It doesn't help
297
00:13:10,175 --> 00:13:12,309
that all the trails and parks
are closed down here now.
298
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:15,534
Yeah. My roommate Oscar
and I used to hike Fryman,
299
00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:17,593
like, every Saturday.
300
00:13:17,618 --> 00:13:18,884
No way! I love Fryman.
301
00:13:18,909 --> 00:13:21,874
And then we always
do bottomless at Firefly.
302
00:13:21,899 --> 00:13:24,351
Yeah. Yeah, that's our spot too.
303
00:13:24,376 --> 00:13:26,437
I love their, um...
304
00:13:26,462 --> 00:13:28,729
buckwheat and cactus flour pancakes.
305
00:13:28,754 --> 00:13:32,161
Oh. Have you tried the
jackfruit huevos rancheros?
306
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,068
I have not.
307
00:13:34,789 --> 00:13:36,266
I feel like I spend a lot of my time
308
00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:38,034
just staring at the refrigerator
trying to figure out
309
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:39,381
if I'm hungry or anxious.
310
00:13:39,406 --> 00:13:41,659
Hungxious! Yes, totally.
311
00:13:41,684 --> 00:13:43,895
- Yes.
- Yeah, I mean, this is, this is insane.
312
00:13:43,930 --> 00:13:45,708
Like, I don't even know
what day of the week it is.
313
00:13:45,732 --> 00:13:48,179
Well, I do. It's your lucky day,
314
00:13:48,204 --> 00:13:53,044
because you can't spell virus
without U and I.
315
00:13:54,111 --> 00:13:56,142
I'm sorry, I had to.
316
00:13:56,475 --> 00:13:59,032
Yeah. Queerentine pick-up lines are...
317
00:13:59,057 --> 00:14:00,247
- the worst.
- The worst.
318
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:01,623
Yeah. They're gross.
319
00:14:01,648 --> 00:14:04,349
"If COVID-19 doesn't take you out,
can I?"
320
00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:07,692
"Hey, can I come over?
We could use Purell as lube."
321
00:14:08,726 --> 00:14:12,427
"I like my virus like I like
my men, easy to spread."
322
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,764
Okay, that one's kind of impressive.
323
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:15,223
Like, it's better.
324
00:14:16,308 --> 00:14:18,073
So glad that we found each other.
325
00:14:18,098 --> 00:14:20,597
Um, but that said, are you an N95?
326
00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:22,333
'Cause I really want you on my face.
327
00:14:25,302 --> 00:14:28,278
So, uh, what have you
been watching these days?
328
00:14:28,524 --> 00:14:32,220
We just watched "Love Actually."
329
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:33,710
It's our favorite movie.
330
00:14:34,347 --> 00:14:35,386
What about you?
331
00:14:35,411 --> 00:14:38,067
Uh, actually I just watched
"Justice League" again.
332
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:41,396
Isn't that the one where
you inexplicably see
333
00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:43,387
up Wonder Woman's skirt
or something like that?
334
00:14:43,423 --> 00:14:46,059
Yeah. Oh, it's pretty epic.
335
00:14:46,084 --> 00:14:47,600
Hey, You know what? We should watch
336
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,492
"Batman V. Superman" on our next date.
337
00:14:49,517 --> 00:14:51,917
It's like a cinematic masterpiece.
Seriously.
338
00:14:51,942 --> 00:14:55,098
And then we can make our way
through the entire DC Universe!
339
00:14:55,941 --> 00:14:58,779
... evidence that our
collective sacrifice is working
340
00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:01,415
this time, as Dr. Fauci said...
341
00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:04,787
Now is the time not to let up.
342
00:15:04,812 --> 00:15:06,654
We gotta keep washing our hands...
343
00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:08,379
Hello!
344
00:15:08,404 --> 00:15:10,193
Hey, Ma, how you doing?
345
00:15:10,218 --> 00:15:13,373
I'm doing just fine, sweetie.
346
00:15:13,398 --> 00:15:14,928
How's my grand-baby?
347
00:15:14,953 --> 00:15:16,453
She is the most adorable
348
00:15:16,478 --> 00:15:18,365
holy terror I've ever known.
349
00:15:18,390 --> 00:15:20,655
At first I was like, are you crazy?
350
00:15:20,691 --> 00:15:22,553
You want to have a baby right now?
351
00:15:22,578 --> 00:15:24,709
- How's Sade?
- She's good, Mom.
352
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,920
But then I started thinking.
353
00:15:27,637 --> 00:15:31,110
What if this quarantine
lasts for a whole year?
354
00:15:31,135 --> 00:15:33,545
- Oh God.
- I mean, I could
355
00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:35,781
get pregnant, then have the baby.
356
00:15:35,806 --> 00:15:36,991
Do the whole postpartum thing,
357
00:15:37,015 --> 00:15:38,717
and then get my body back in time
358
00:15:38,742 --> 00:15:40,762
for when everything
starts back up again.
359
00:15:40,787 --> 00:15:44,613
You know, now that you're
not off producing movies,
360
00:15:44,648 --> 00:15:48,271
might be a good time to think
about having another baby.
361
00:15:48,296 --> 00:15:51,397
No, this is Sade's year
to focus on her career.
362
00:15:51,914 --> 00:15:54,065
- Time's not right.
- Is James onboard?
363
00:15:54,090 --> 00:15:55,701
- It was his idea.
- Yeah, I don't know
364
00:15:55,725 --> 00:15:59,036
if we even have the mental head
space to have another baby.
365
00:15:59,061 --> 00:16:01,828
What are we doing with this
time on our hands, anyway?
366
00:16:01,863 --> 00:16:03,936
It just...
367
00:16:03,961 --> 00:16:05,459
feels like it's wasted.
368
00:16:05,484 --> 00:16:07,326
Yeah, see, I'm all for this.
369
00:16:07,351 --> 00:16:10,814
Okay, look, no one wants to be
sitting at home doing nothing,
370
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:13,482
especially during this
government-mandated
371
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:15,139
celibacy for us single folks.
372
00:16:15,164 --> 00:16:18,350
- Which is why I moved in with Niles.
- What?
373
00:16:19,514 --> 00:16:22,201
You better not have mumbled
what I think you just did.
374
00:16:22,887 --> 00:16:24,920
What about Dedrick?
Have you heard from him?
375
00:16:24,945 --> 00:16:26,678
Not since before the quarantine.
376
00:16:26,703 --> 00:16:29,021
- How 'bout you?
- No, but you know,
377
00:16:29,046 --> 00:16:32,561
he was socially distancing from
this family for a while now.
378
00:16:32,586 --> 00:16:35,238
Just promise me you'll let
me know if you hear from him.
379
00:16:35,263 --> 00:16:37,229
I don't want him taking advantage
380
00:16:37,265 --> 00:16:38,664
of you and Daddy at this time.
381
00:16:38,689 --> 00:16:41,239
I moved in with Niles, okay.
Don't blame me.
382
00:16:41,274 --> 00:16:42,778
Blame my libido.
383
00:16:42,803 --> 00:16:46,582
Which, I mean, is thanking me
because the sex is amazing!
384
00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:48,274
Ooh, say less.
385
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:51,233
Girl, I'm about to be saying
very few words,
386
00:16:51,258 --> 00:16:53,057
because it's sex o'clock,
387
00:16:53,082 --> 00:16:55,317
so I need to go get another round in.
388
00:16:55,342 --> 00:16:56,879
- Okay.
- I'll see you later.
389
00:16:56,904 --> 00:16:58,684
Have fun.
390
00:16:58,709 --> 00:17:00,442
- Bye, girl.
- Bye.
391
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:01,797
And also promise me
392
00:17:01,822 --> 00:17:03,897
you're gonna take this really seriously
393
00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:06,268
- and stay in the house...
- Don't worry.
394
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:09,360
Thanks for calling. I love you!
395
00:17:10,336 --> 00:17:12,006
I love you too.
396
00:17:25,415 --> 00:17:26,821
Okay...
397
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:29,115
- let's do this!
- Let's do what?
398
00:17:29,852 --> 00:17:31,467
Let's make a baby.
399
00:17:32,362 --> 00:17:34,490
- Hey, I thought you said...
- Hmm?
400
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,667
When did you change your mind? Mmm.
401
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,568
- Where's Charli?
- She's napping.
402
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:41,765
- Just take a shower real quick...
- No, no,
403
00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:43,514
she's gonna be up in 20 minutes.
404
00:17:43,539 --> 00:17:45,787
- Twenty minutes, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:47,489
We can do it twice in 20 minutes.
406
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:55,943
I don't know, my, my early 20s
407
00:17:55,968 --> 00:17:58,964
I feel like were probably when
I was just... I was exploring.
408
00:17:58,989 --> 00:18:01,089
I was definitely exploring. Um...
409
00:18:01,732 --> 00:18:04,335
I used to be into the
whole random hook-up thing.
410
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,572
When you were in New York,
did you ever go to those parties
411
00:18:06,596 --> 00:18:08,840
in that big loft on 13th Street?
412
00:18:08,876 --> 00:18:10,408
You know the one. It was like...
413
00:18:10,717 --> 00:18:14,102
Well, they didn't call it the
meat-packing district for nothin'.
414
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:18,239
So Batman is totally kicking Supe's ass.
415
00:18:18,274 --> 00:18:21,590
But then Clark says his adopted
mom's name, which is Martha.
416
00:18:21,615 --> 00:18:24,388
But that's Bruce's mom's name too! Phoo!
417
00:18:24,413 --> 00:18:27,240
It's insane. Okay, so Bruce stops...
418
00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:30,006
Hello.
419
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,748
Are you still there?
I think you're frozen.
420
00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:34,865
Elle?
421
00:18:34,990 --> 00:18:36,771
Hello? Elle?
422
00:18:38,661 --> 00:18:39,926
You just blinked!
423
00:18:39,962 --> 00:18:42,163
Wait, are you pretending
to freeze right now?
424
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:45,829
Oh, what? No!
425
00:18:45,854 --> 00:18:47,446
Oh my God!
426
00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:49,638
- Okay.
- Well, I don't think it would work.
427
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:51,281
- So...
- Uh,
428
00:18:51,306 --> 00:18:53,006
so, do you want to take
a quiz and find out
429
00:18:53,042 --> 00:18:57,721
- which superhero you are?
- Oh, actually, I, I probably should go.
430
00:18:57,746 --> 00:18:59,089
Okay.
431
00:18:59,114 --> 00:19:01,410
Well, can I at least see
your boobs first?
432
00:19:01,784 --> 00:19:03,534
What?
433
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,817
No. Ew. Oh my God!
434
00:19:06,842 --> 00:19:08,207
What?
435
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:12,558
Are you seriously talking
about all your random hook-ups
436
00:19:12,593 --> 00:19:14,190
20 minutes into our first date?
437
00:19:14,215 --> 00:19:15,561
Well, they weren't random?
438
00:19:15,596 --> 00:19:17,163
They were very intentional.
439
00:19:17,195 --> 00:19:18,812
Oh.
440
00:19:19,356 --> 00:19:21,879
_
441
00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:24,106
Oh no, it was a...
442
00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:27,229
I'm sorry, are you texting
your friend about
443
00:19:27,254 --> 00:19:28,974
what a massive loser you think I am?
444
00:19:28,999 --> 00:19:30,371
No.
445
00:19:30,396 --> 00:19:31,871
_
446
00:19:33,513 --> 00:19:35,158
Okay, maybe.
447
00:19:35,183 --> 00:19:36,849
Okay, well, just be sure to tell her
448
00:19:36,874 --> 00:19:38,551
that you're slut-shaming me.
449
00:19:40,003 --> 00:19:45,901
_
450
00:19:56,502 --> 00:19:58,856
Yeah, right.
451
00:19:59,014 --> 00:20:01,301
Yeah.
452
00:20:06,913 --> 00:20:08,613
Hi, Nanda.
453
00:20:08,648 --> 00:20:11,015
Hi. Maggie, how are you?
454
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,300
We're good.
455
00:20:12,325 --> 00:20:13,651
Let me get him set up.
456
00:20:13,686 --> 00:20:15,206
Thank you.
457
00:20:15,231 --> 00:20:17,988
Oh, there's my handsome man.
458
00:20:18,023 --> 00:20:19,567
Oh, look at you.
459
00:20:19,592 --> 00:20:24,081
You better tell those nurses
you are a happily married man.
460
00:20:24,106 --> 00:20:27,357
Well, I do, but they keep
throwing themselves at me.
461
00:20:29,535 --> 00:20:31,068
Uh, so, uh...
462
00:20:31,871 --> 00:20:33,738
what's for dinner tonight, huh?
463
00:20:33,773 --> 00:20:37,843
Lasagna with spinach and sausage.
464
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:41,289
- The one you like.
- Oh, that sounds so good.
465
00:20:41,314 --> 00:20:43,080
- Mm, mm.
- What are you having?
466
00:20:43,115 --> 00:20:45,549
Uh, the... the what?
467
00:20:45,585 --> 00:20:47,084
W-what is this?
468
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,218
Turkey meatloaf.
469
00:20:50,276 --> 00:20:53,833
- Mystery meatloaf.
- Oh, stop it.
470
00:20:53,858 --> 00:20:55,892
You said you like the food there.
471
00:20:55,927 --> 00:20:58,495
Oh, not as much as yours. Mmm.
472
00:20:58,530 --> 00:21:00,062
Good answer.
473
00:21:00,648 --> 00:21:03,910
You know, I,
I sent out the last of the invites
474
00:21:03,935 --> 00:21:06,002
to our anniversary party today.
475
00:21:06,037 --> 00:21:07,462
Oh, that's good.
476
00:21:07,972 --> 00:21:11,240
So, uh... what about
this virus business?
477
00:21:11,265 --> 00:21:12,598
Well, you know, they're saying
478
00:21:12,623 --> 00:21:14,490
we're gonna be out of this quarantine
479
00:21:14,515 --> 00:21:17,583
in time to get you better and home
480
00:21:17,608 --> 00:21:20,193
- before May 10th.
- Oh good.
481
00:21:20,218 --> 00:21:23,191
I just wish I could come to
visit you in the meantime.
482
00:21:23,216 --> 00:21:24,887
Me too, my love. But...
483
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:28,169
- Better safe than sorry.
- Mm-hmm.
484
00:21:28,770 --> 00:21:32,333
Oh, I talked to James today.
He said he left you a message.
485
00:21:32,706 --> 00:21:34,263
Who?
486
00:21:34,288 --> 00:21:36,109
James.
487
00:21:36,134 --> 00:21:37,134
Hmm.
488
00:21:38,002 --> 00:21:39,356
Our son.
489
00:21:41,739 --> 00:21:45,944
Oh. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, James, yeah.
490
00:21:50,648 --> 00:21:52,272
Um...
491
00:21:53,657 --> 00:21:58,283
I've got a lot of work to do in
the yard before the party.
492
00:21:58,308 --> 00:21:59,464
Oh.
493
00:21:59,489 --> 00:22:02,342
You got the invitations out yet?
494
00:22:05,377 --> 00:22:06,780
Yeah.
495
00:22:07,764 --> 00:22:09,444
That's good.
496
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,632
I wish I was there to help.
497
00:22:11,657 --> 00:22:14,124
Well, your only job...
498
00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:17,538
is to get better.
499
00:22:17,686 --> 00:22:18,756
Well...
500
00:22:20,891 --> 00:22:22,423
I'm doing my best.
501
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,913
I know you are.
502
00:22:29,486 --> 00:22:31,919
- Cheers.
- That's the way to do it.
503
00:22:31,954 --> 00:22:33,952
I've got my water.
504
00:22:34,357 --> 00:22:37,085
Oh, cheers to you, my dear.
505
00:22:50,491 --> 00:22:52,285
- Hey.
- Hey.
506
00:22:52,309 --> 00:22:53,886
You think Sophie's okay?
507
00:22:53,911 --> 00:22:56,377
She spent most of the day
in her room again today.
508
00:22:56,413 --> 00:22:57,712
Yeah.
509
00:22:57,747 --> 00:23:00,115
She'll be okay. She's
just brokenhearted.
510
00:23:00,150 --> 00:23:02,450
I could kill that
asshole for hurting her.
511
00:23:02,486 --> 00:23:04,606
Though I got to say, not unhappy
512
00:23:04,631 --> 00:23:06,340
he's not quarantining with us.
513
00:23:06,365 --> 00:23:07,739
Me neither.
514
00:23:08,275 --> 00:23:10,610
You think she's gonna find out
I'm sleeping in the guest room?
515
00:23:10,634 --> 00:23:11,634
No.
516
00:23:12,081 --> 00:23:14,535
No, we're always up way before she is.
517
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,808
How do you feel about telling her?
518
00:23:16,957 --> 00:23:20,278
Oh! I don't know. I think that...
519
00:23:21,369 --> 00:23:23,381
she's devastated with
her own break-up now,
520
00:23:23,406 --> 00:23:25,315
I don't know that she
can cope with ours.
521
00:23:25,340 --> 00:23:26,340
Yeah.
522
00:23:26,365 --> 00:23:28,510
And I'm not sure that
I can cope with the drama.
523
00:23:28,535 --> 00:23:29,667
Agreed.
524
00:23:31,459 --> 00:23:33,224
Okay. Goodnight.
525
00:23:33,249 --> 00:23:34,348
Goodnight.
526
00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:39,627
I don't wanna sleep alone.
Can I sleep with you guys?
527
00:23:45,537 --> 00:23:47,110
Yeah, of course.
528
00:23:52,952 --> 00:23:54,311
Scoot over.
529
00:23:54,336 --> 00:23:55,769
No, no, scoot over.
530
00:23:55,804 --> 00:23:57,638
I'm not gonna sleep between you guys.
531
00:23:57,756 --> 00:23:59,088
Scoot.
532
00:24:37,504 --> 00:24:39,680
- Hello!
- Hey, Mama.
533
00:24:39,705 --> 00:24:40,938
It's Dedrick.
534
00:24:40,963 --> 00:24:43,446
- Dedrick!
- How are you?
535
00:24:43,471 --> 00:24:46,047
Uh, uh, I'm fine, baby.
536
00:24:46,072 --> 00:24:47,963
Uh, how, how are you?
537
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,319
I'm okay.
538
00:24:49,344 --> 00:24:52,024
Well, uh... sorta.
539
00:24:52,059 --> 00:24:54,672
I got laid off 'cause of the shutdown.
540
00:24:54,697 --> 00:24:58,274
And, uh... I don't have my rent.
541
00:24:58,621 --> 00:24:59,986
And I was wondering
542
00:25:00,011 --> 00:25:02,111
if I could stay in the back guest house
543
00:25:02,136 --> 00:25:05,748
until I can figure out work
and get back on my feet again?
544
00:25:05,773 --> 00:25:08,321
I promise I will keep my distance.
545
00:25:08,346 --> 00:25:10,321
I don't want to risk getting you sick.
546
00:25:11,746 --> 00:25:15,248
Oh. Of-of course you can stay
547
00:25:15,283 --> 00:25:16,882
as long as you need to.
548
00:25:16,917 --> 00:25:18,584
Don't even worry about it.
549
00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:20,204
Thanks, Mama. I love you.
550
00:25:20,437 --> 00:25:22,290
I love you too.
551
00:25:32,969 --> 00:25:35,821
♪ That might feel ♪
552
00:25:37,558 --> 00:25:41,226
♪ Ooh ♪
553
00:25:41,251 --> 00:25:44,987
♪ What are you waiting for? ♪
554
00:25:45,526 --> 00:25:49,461
♪ Ooh ♪
555
00:25:49,486 --> 00:25:53,211
♪ What are you waiting for? ♪
556
00:26:13,853 --> 00:26:15,758
I, I love you.
557
00:26:16,749 --> 00:26:18,633
I love you too.
558
00:26:21,490 --> 00:26:24,399
Oh! Sean is amazing!
559
00:26:28,654 --> 00:26:31,555
I... thought it wasn't going that great.
560
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:32,989
Well, it started out great,
561
00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:35,136
and then things got weird
'cause he started telling me
562
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,093
about all these guys he
used to hook up with.
563
00:26:37,129 --> 00:26:39,496
But then he called me
out for slut-shaming him,
564
00:26:39,521 --> 00:26:41,360
and things took a turn.
565
00:26:41,385 --> 00:26:44,977
And he's just... he's
so funny and honest.
566
00:26:45,715 --> 00:26:48,946
He has a pet cat named Whiskers!
567
00:26:49,519 --> 00:26:51,391
He, he sounds amazing.
568
00:26:51,416 --> 00:26:53,297
And you found him for me!
569
00:26:55,358 --> 00:26:58,665
Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
570
00:26:59,424 --> 00:27:02,118
Hey, do you, um,
do you want some popcorn?
571
00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:05,555
Uh...
572
00:27:06,782 --> 00:27:08,493
Sure, yeah.
573
00:27:14,784 --> 00:27:17,784
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
40883
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