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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,080 HE WHISTLES 2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,440 See you, baby. 3 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,960 So, Erano, 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,080 you have my merchandise? 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,440 Yes, my friend, I have the merchandise. 6 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,480 HE CLICKS FINGERS 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,600 Arturo, that's a lot of avocados. 8 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,000 Green gold, my friend. 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,560 Green gold. 10 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,560 But, you know, we're going to have to test it. 11 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,760 Of course. 12 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,640 HE WHOOPS Thomas? 13 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,840 It's very good, actually, yeah. 14 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,560 It seems my hipster, he, er, 15 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,000 he like it very much. 16 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,440 It is the best. But it's so expensive. 17 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,760 Hey, gentrification is everywhere, my friend. 18 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,320 You know, cafe owners come to me from everywhere - 19 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,120 Shoreditch, Brixton, Peckham. 20 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,800 Even people in Stratford want avocados these days. 21 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,520 As in, white people. 22 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,040 Listen to me, puta, 23 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,600 I have a business to run. 24 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,240 I going to need to put something on my sourdough toast. 25 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,840 Therefore, I going to have to TAKE the avocados, cabron. 26 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,360 GUNS CLICK 27 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,560 HE LAUGHS 28 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,960 I LOVE this guy. 29 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,520 Ha-ha! 30 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,840 You want my avocados? 31 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,520 Everybody wants my avocados. 32 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,040 Here it is. 33 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,640 Take it. 34 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,360 AVOCADO SQUELCHES 35 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,960 HE YELPS 36 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,080 Blackie! 37 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,120 HE WAILS 38 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:01,600 Arturo! 39 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,720 SHE SCREAMS 40 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,680 GUNSHOT 41 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,000 There we go. 42 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,600 ARTURO MOANS WEAKLY 43 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,600 You know, 44 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,240 in all my years, 45 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,600 I never even tasted an avocado. 46 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,040 Yuck. 47 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,800 White people be crazy. 48 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,160 Si. 49 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,200 THEY GROAN 50 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,200 Jason, we're so happy to have you home from university. 51 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,360 Jason, you were always our favourite nephew. Isn't he? 52 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,760 Mm. And, Patrick, you are welcome. 53 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,960 Jason tells us much about you, his best friend. 54 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,960 Always talking, talking, isn't it? Mm. 55 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,960 Um, listen, Aunties, about my friend...Patrick... 56 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,920 BOTH: Yes? 57 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,600 Well, he's not just...my friend. 58 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,200 BOTH: Yes? 59 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,920 I'm gay. 60 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,280 OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS 61 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,760 Gay? 62 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,240 Gay? 63 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,880 You mean to tell me 64 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,920 this boy you brought here as your friend to my table 65 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,480 is actually your lover? 66 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,560 Well... 67 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920 MUSIC STOPS 68 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920 Hey, you have found love! 69 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920 Oh, we thank God. Oh-oh! 70 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,960 And with such a handsome man like Patrick, hey? 71 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,720 Look at his eyebrows. Yes, on fleek. Yes. 72 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,080 You're not angry? 73 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,200 What for? You are happy, we are happy. Yes. 74 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,480 GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS 75 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,480 Love knows no boundaries. 76 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,120 Yeah, love wins. Yes. 77 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,360 Wow. 78 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,040 Thank you, Aunties. 79 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,000 Don't worry, yeah? Come on, eat, eat. 80 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,200 Let's eat the assorted meat stew. Yes, come. 81 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,720 Oh, sorry, Aunties, um, 82 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,040 me and Patrick are vegan now. 83 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,120 MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 84 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,680 Get out! You bastard! 85 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,080 Out of my house! Huh? 86 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,480 Bastard! 87 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,080 SOBBING: Oh, the devil has taken his soul 88 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,440 and turned him into a vegan. 89 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,640 THEY WAIL 90 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,200 What am I supposed to do with all of that assorted meat, huh? 91 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,120 Can you imagine? Not even dairy products. 92 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,400 Not even a boiled egg. Yeah. 93 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,200 No assorted meat. 94 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,840 No shaki. No shaki. 95 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,200 No banku. He can have the banku, you know. 96 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,960 Can he? Yes, it's just corn and cassava. 97 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,440 Oh, I didn't know. We thank God. Yes, we thank God. 98 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,560 THEY WAIL 99 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,640 SCREAMING: Vegan! 100 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,120 He's vegan! 101 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,960 OK, so, we need to talk about department budget overview. 102 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,000 KNOCK ON DOOR 103 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,000 Sorry to interrupt. 104 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,080 Charlene, there is a...drillagram for you. 105 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,320 Drillagram? 106 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,000 What on Earth's a drillagram? 107 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,040 Mind out, mind out, mind out, mind out. 108 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,640 DRILL MUSIC PLAYS 109 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,640 Oi, you lot don't know this, 110 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,840 but it's your girl Charlene's birthday, 111 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,560 and her boyfriend Phil got us to do this message. 112 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,040 It's going to be a bit of a sticky one, still. 113 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,560 You get me, Charlene? 114 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,560 # Blow out your candles, stand at that cake 115 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,360 # Get dipped, stand up, take some pics 116 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,760 # Post on Instagram, Snapchat 117 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,760 # Crack that bottle of champers and take some sips 118 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,480 # In France they say bon anniversaire 119 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,280 # Shout out all the mandem that's here 120 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,200 # Like Lynn from accounts, Tim from HR 121 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,760 # And your line manager, Claire 122 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,840 # Oi, let's not forget your boyfriend, Phil 123 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,200 # He's a good boyfriend still 124 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,440 # Could've gave you a bog-standard birthday card 125 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,000 # But your boy went drill 126 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,720 # And he's taking you out for a slap-up meal 127 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,360 # At a fancy bar and grill 128 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,600 # And word on the road is he got you a hot-air balloon 129 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,240 # Flying over a hill... # 130 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,800 ALL: # Who's the birthday girl? You're the birthday girl 131 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,280 # You're the birthday girl 132 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,600 # Who's the birthday girl? You're the birthday girl 133 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,720 # Whoop, whoop, whoop 134 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,040 # Who's the birthday girl? You're the birthday girl 135 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,400 # You're the birthday girl 136 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,880 # Who's the birthday girl? You're the birthday girl 137 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,240 # Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop! # 138 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,240 Cuz. All right. 139 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,680 Man coming with, though. 140 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,720 Some gluten-free ting, still. 141 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,240 So, Marie, as you were saying, about... 142 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,880 HE BANGS DOOR 143 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,880 Your man going to validate 144 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,440 this parking ting, or...? 145 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,480 SHE LAUGHS 146 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,480 That's great. Welcome back. 147 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,400 You're watching Cooking With Sue And Tim, with me, Sue... 148 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,840 And me, Oluwafemi. Because Tim's got the flu at the moment. 149 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,040 Get well soon, Tim. Now, before the break, 150 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,280 we cooked some lovely, traditional jerk chicken. 151 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,480 But now it's time for a special treat 152 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,160 as we learn how to prepare white people chicken. 153 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,920 Mm, white people chicken. So underrated. 154 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,440 So, we have our chicken here, 155 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,960 and the first thing we're going to do is take our herbs and spices 156 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,000 and put them in the cupboard. 157 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,640 Yeah, we won't be needing those. 158 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,400 And then we take our chicken and we put it in the oven. 159 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:38,040 So, to recap, to cook your white people chicken, 160 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,360 put the chicken in the oven. 161 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,280 And there we have it. 162 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,920 Isn't it glorious? It is, Sue. So beige. 163 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,000 Exactly. Lovely and beige. 164 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,360 The beiger, the better. 165 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,320 Shall we tuck in? Yes, please. 166 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,320 SHE CHUCKLES 167 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,520 Mm. Mm. Indeed. 168 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,640 You know what's really great? 169 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,720 I can just really taste the chicken. 170 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,120 Exactly. There's no pesky herbs or spices or flavour 171 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,360 getting in the way. 172 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,960 I hope this doesn't sound strange, 173 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,560 but I imagine this is what white people taste like. 174 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,720 HE LAUGHS 175 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,720 Oh, trust me, Sue, 176 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,960 it is. 177 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,280 CELESTIAL MUSIC PLAYS 178 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,440 OK, so. 2020. 179 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,080 It's going to start off just sort of normal, 180 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,360 people laying into Meghan Markle a little. 181 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,120 And then - bam! 182 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,720 Global pandemic! 183 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,920 And it's going to be so horrible and so deadly 184 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,160 that the whole world is going to go into lockdown 185 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,320 for months. 186 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,080 So what's the last thing you want to happen 187 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,600 when everyone's locked down and a little crazy? 188 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,000 Um... Yup, you guessed it! 189 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120 The cops are going to kill another black person. 190 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,280 Of course they are. 191 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,880 So then, Black Lives Matter will start protesting 192 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:02,080 and just, like, pulling down statues of slave traders. 193 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:06,160 And then Donald Trump will tell everyone to drink bleach. 194 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,840 Look, Jesus, I... Bats! 195 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:08,920 Boris gets it! 196 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,720 Kanye West will run for president! 197 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,920 And then there are going to be these murder hornets. 198 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,200 Murder hornets? Yeah, murder f... 199 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,560 Yeah, OK, maybe the murder hornets are a bit far-fetched. 200 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,400 No, the murder hornets are good. They'll come later. 201 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,280 Well, Jesus, we are flattered that you would come to us first, 202 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,480 but we are the BBC. 203 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,520 A TV show like this is going to need a big budget. 204 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,120 Maybe you want to go to HBO or Netflix? 205 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,880 Oh, no, this isn't a TV show. This is going to happen. 206 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,680 This...is going to happen? 207 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,720 Yeah. 208 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,320 What do you think? 209 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,680 I think this is horrible. 210 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,240 Isn't it? That's exactly what I was going for! 211 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,760 Ha! Really great notes, guys. 212 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,120 Really, really helpful. I've got to call my dad. 213 00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,920 Catch you in 2021. 214 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,760 Maybe! 215 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,760 CELESTIAL MUSIC PLAYS 216 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,280 This one goes out to all the interracial couples. 217 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,680 MUSIC: IN THE STYLE OF YOU SEXY THING BY HOT CHOCOLATE 218 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,000 All of the interracial couples who are used 219 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,600 for selling things in adverts. 220 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,000 Come on. 221 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,480 You can't resist the swirl. That's right. 222 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,600 # You're an interracial couple in an advert 223 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,760 # Black girl and a white guy in a T-shirt... # 224 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,400 Holy shit, that's Jake Gyllenhaal. 225 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,520 # You're an interracial couple in an advert 226 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,840 # For the purpose of the product, they're together... # 227 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,680 Wow, that's real love. 228 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:39,000 # Tear those boxes, break down those walls 229 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,320 # In advertising you've got to have balls 230 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,040 # Come on, I said make one black, make one white 231 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,360 # Put them together, everything's right 232 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,560 # Years ago they'd keep it out of sight 233 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:53,000 # But these commercials are dynamite 234 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,240 # Halifax, DFS, Ikea 235 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,480 # Maccy D's, Domino's, Santander 236 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,720 # Specsavers, Sainsbury's, B&Q 237 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,880 # Not Waitrose, but Nike and Clear Blue 238 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:07,520 # These interracial couples selling stuff 239 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:12,200 # These interracial couples selling stuff 240 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,640 # These interracial couples selling stuff 241 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:21,880 # These interracial couples selling stuff. # 242 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,280 And remember, buy Octavia yoghurt. 243 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,440 I promise, this is actually my wife. 244 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,080 HE LAUGHS Oh, darling, got a bit of yog there. 245 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,160 Delish. 246 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,040 One, two, three, hit it. 247 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,080 UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS 248 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,120 There's more where that came from! 249 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,960 Send. 250 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,520 Yes! 251 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,600 HE LAUGHS 252 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,200 Woo! That is brilliant. 253 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,400 Yes! He loved it. He LOVED it! 254 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,960 This is going to kill. 255 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,200 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on... 256 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,240 KNOCKING ON DOOR 257 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,960 Yo, man, everything all right? 258 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,320 Yeah, why? 259 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,840 One minute, you were...you were replying and laughing 260 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,120 to all those memes and gifs I was sending you, 261 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,440 and then you just stopped. 262 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,520 To be honest man, um, 263 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,280 all the texts, 264 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,000 it's kind of jarring, man. But you were laughing. 265 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,120 I mean, you were...you were laughing out loud. 266 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,760 I wasn't laughing. I was being polite. 267 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,120 You mean, you...you... 268 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,480 You were faking it? 269 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,400 You were faking it this whole time? 270 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,880 HE CLEARS THROAT 271 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,880 Who does that? 272 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,440 Who says they're LOLing when they're not actually LOLing? 273 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,800 A lot of people do that. Well, when I say "LOL," 274 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,480 I mean it! When I say "LOL," 275 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,320 it's because I'm laughing out loud! 276 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,600 What about all those crying with laughter emojis you sent? 277 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,320 I suppose that was all bullcrap, too! 278 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,320 You weren't crying with laughter at all, were you, Matt?! 279 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,000 Mate... Emojis stand for emotions, Matt! 280 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,080 And you have played with mine for far too long with your lies! 281 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,320 Mate! 282 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,800 HE LAUGHS 283 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,800 Yeah, I pranked you. 284 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,880 HE LAUGHS 285 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,880 Yeah? 286 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,400 Yes! Jesus! Ha-ha! 287 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,040 OK. Cool. 288 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,200 That was funny. All right, see you. So, listen, I'll... 289 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,400 PHONE PINGS 290 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,480 HE SOBS 291 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,040 Yo, this is a message for the so-called Stratford Soldiers, 292 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,720 from the E19 Posse. 293 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,400 Mm. ALL: Mm, mm. 294 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,440 Listen, look at our brand-new ride, though. 295 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,600 Yeah, fresh ting. You, man, had better stay off these streets, 296 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,440 or else. Rat-tat-ta-ta! 297 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,760 ALL: Rat-tat-ta-ta! 298 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,680 Yo, this is the Stratford Soldiers. 299 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,760 We got your message, and we've got a message for you! 300 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,000 Did you know that there's more carbon dioxide 301 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,520 in our atmosphere now than at any other time 302 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,080 in the last million years? 303 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,640 And a huge percentage of that is caused by road transport. 304 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,920 Haven't you been listening to Greta Thunberg? 305 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,960 You should be ashamed of yourselves. Message over! 306 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,440 Boom! Listen, Stratford Soldiers. 307 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,760 We got your message, given it some thought, 308 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,240 and you're right, still. Mm? 309 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,440 ALL: Mm, mm. 310 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:54,200 So, we sold the G Wagon and we bought a little G-Wiz ting. 311 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,560 Mm! Yes, more compact. 312 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,640 It won't fit all the mandem, but it's electric, 313 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,160 it's good for the environment, 314 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,320 and it's got one of them little cute cup holders, bruv. 315 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,480 That's great work, E19 Posse! 316 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,840 We respect you for making that change. 317 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,000 Oh, and we're not the Stratford Soldiers any more. 318 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,120 We're the Stratford Eco Warriors. 319 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,200 Come on, boys. 320 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,640 Let's go and get some aubergine sausages from that new vegan cafe 321 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,680 on the Brecknock Road. 322 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,680 BIKE BELLS TINKLE 323 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,280 Brecknock Road? You man are on our block again?! 324 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,320 Listen, Jamal, fire up the G-Wiz ting. 325 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,480 The battery's still charging. 326 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,120 It's going to take about the next 16 hours. 327 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,080 Well, then call man a fuckin' Uber, then! 328 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,800 Furthermore, you man's bikes were dead. Dead! 329 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,600 That weren't no BMX! Relax, relax. Chill. 330 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,800 Where were the gears, cuz? That weren't no Carrera! You mans... 331 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,560 Excuse me, please. 332 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,560 I'm a little torn between the coconut oil and the macadamia oil. 333 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,560 Which one do you think is better? 334 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,280 Ah, well, well. 335 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,480 Both the macadamia and coconut are both very, very good products, 336 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,440 but I would personally be recommending the macadamia 337 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,200 for that smooth and silky shine, 338 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,840 because you are worth it, madam. 339 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,960 Is something the matter? Perhaps you are not understanding 340 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,480 my thick Indian accent. 341 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,080 No, no, it's fine, it's fine. 342 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,960 I was also looking at those wigs over there. Ah! Well, well! 343 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:21,280 These particular wigs come all the way from China 344 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,400 and are world-class. 345 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,160 Top, top quality, madam. 346 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,920 Sorry, I think you've got something on your... 347 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,600 I have something on my face? My Indian face? 348 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,080 Yeah, if you could just... No, no, madam, it is fine. 349 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,600 I'm fine. I am Indian and it is... 350 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,320 Argh! Argh! 351 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,160 Are you fuck, mate! 352 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,160 IN ENGLISH ACCENT: Shit. Look, please don't tell anyone. 353 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,560 I'm going to report you! Do you know how inappropriate this is? 354 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,280 I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's just... 355 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,320 HE SIGHS 356 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,880 All my life, I've dreamed of owning 357 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,040 my own Afro-Caribbean hair and hair products shop. 358 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,440 That was never going to happen. 359 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,240 Look at me. 360 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,960 I'm black. 361 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,520 We don't buy from each other. 362 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,560 You ask yourself, would you have come to buy 363 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,520 your hair and hair products from me if I wasn't 364 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,800 an Indian-slash-Pakistani man? 365 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,840 I did what I had to do to fulfil my dream. 366 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,680 Is that such a bad thing? 367 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,840 Hang on a minute. Yes. Yes, it is a bad thing. 368 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,040 It's terrible. 369 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,160 You were making your head wobble and everything. 370 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,760 Dressing up and appropriating other people's cultures is wrong. 371 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,800 Always! 372 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,560 I can do you two-for-one on those Chinese wigs. 373 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,440 Yes, please. They are fabulous! 374 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,200 IN INDIAN ACCENT: Very, very good. No. OK. 375 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,240 COUNTDOWN THEME PLAYS ON STEEL DRUMS 376 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,240 APPLAUSE 377 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,000 HE LAUGHS Yes, and welcome back to Countdown, 378 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,720 the game show about spelling an' ting. 379 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,120 Sean. Mm. 380 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,400 Tell me girl Carol which letters you want 'pon the board. 381 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,920 All right, then, Carol. 382 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,080 Ooh, well, Carol, 383 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,880 I can put two pickney in ya barrel. 384 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,720 Mm. Give me a vowel. 385 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,920 Mm. 386 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:16,960 And another vowel. 387 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,440 CHANTS: And a consonant. 388 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,080 And a vowel. 389 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,600 And another vowel, and a consonant. 390 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,680 And a consonant. Gimme a vowel. 391 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,680 HE BEATS A RHYTHM 392 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,840 And another vowel, and a consonant, and a consonant. 393 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,360 SHELLY SINGS RHYTHMICALLY 394 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,360 Now, take two vowel, and take a 395 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,360 boom, boom skin up... 396 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,600 Put it 'pon the board, put it, put it 'pon the board. 397 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,400 And a vowel, and a consonant, and another vowel, and a consonant. 398 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,360 Another vowel. And a consonant! 399 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,400 THEY CHANT AND SING 400 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,240 Boy, boy, you take it too far, 401 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,320 you have enough letter 'pon the board there. 402 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,080 Right, Ebenezer, run the rhythm, Rasta. 403 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:54,600 Good to go! 404 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,160 # Wind your waist up and bounce around 405 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,880 # And then swing your teeth up and thunderclap 406 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,840 # And then shake a foot like you're at the carnival 407 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,960 # Then you hear the Countdown conundrum is 408 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,440 # Letters, numbers, hell of a cock, boom! # 409 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,720 Um...Sean. 410 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,840 How many letters in your word? 411 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,800 Me have six letters in my word. 412 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,080 And my word is BOKKLE. 413 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,960 Like, you know when you have a nice BOKKLE of Guinness. 414 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,600 Shelly Ann, how many letters in your word? 415 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,200 My word is PINGWINGS. 416 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,480 Like them something they find in South Pole or in the flim, um... 417 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,760 What the flim name again? What the flim name? Um... Appy Feet. 418 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,840 Sensational. And me brother, Roy, 419 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,920 how many letters your word did have? 420 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,680 Wha'...? Wha' you say? 421 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,640 My brother Roy has the right idea. That's... That's a vibe still. 422 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,440 Burn these letters and tings and let's shake a foot! Come on! 423 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,480 MUSIC PLAYS 424 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,440 HIGH-PITCHED BEEP 425 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,120 Oh, my God, guys, so what about that ending to Game Of Thrones? 426 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,000 No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! Don't say anything, I haven't seen it. 427 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,520 OK, anyway... 428 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,040 Nothing tops the Red Wedding. Ooh! 429 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,320 Look, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! I haven't seen it! 430 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,440 You haven't seen the Red Wedding? 431 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,240 What the fuck?! Where are you up to? 432 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,280 Season one. 433 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,280 THEY GROAN 434 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,800 I've just started, so please, no spoilers about anything, 435 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,600 especially the Red Wedding. 436 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,200 Thing is, Dave, 437 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,080 we really want to talk about Game Of Thrones. 438 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,720 All of it. 439 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,160 Yes. Yes, we would. 440 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,360 Well, you...you can't. 441 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,800 It's OK. We understand. 442 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,640 MUSICIANS PLAY SOFTLY 443 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,400 Guys, what's happening? 444 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,360 We just... 445 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,000 ..don't want to spoil anything for you, Dave. 446 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,040 BLADE UNSHEATHES 447 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,920 Right, now we can talk about 448 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,200 the final episode of Game Of Thrones. 449 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,520 Ooh, actually, have you guys been watching 450 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,640 the new series of Killing Eve? 451 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,120 Now, THAT we need to talk about! 452 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,480 GASP 453 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,200 I've seen that. 454 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,800 # Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta 455 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,960 # Me n'affi ask weh dem put up dem hands for 456 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,640 # Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta 457 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,600 # Mek dem know to no bwoy we nuh answer 458 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,280 # Badder than cancer, the freelancer 459 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,000 # Big up every woman and salute every man, sah 460 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,040 # Never impact, Major Blazer 21, watch 'ya 461 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,560 # Rumble in di jungle, step to dis You're sure to crumble 462 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,520 # Try walk straight and try nuh stumble 463 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,560 # Try hold yuh mouth and try be humble 464 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,480 # Shawty, walk in, dance mashup. # 53407

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