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1
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,080
HE WHISTLES
2
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,440
See you, baby.
3
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,960
So, Erano,
4
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,080
you have my merchandise?
5
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,440
Yes, my friend,
I have the merchandise.
6
00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:18,480
HE CLICKS FINGERS
7
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,600
Arturo, that's a lot of avocados.
8
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,000
Green gold, my friend.
9
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,560
Green gold.
10
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,560
But, you know,
we're going to have to test it.
11
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,760
Of course.
12
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,640
HE WHOOPS
Thomas?
13
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,840
It's very good, actually, yeah.
14
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,560
It seems my hipster,
he, er,
15
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,000
he like it very much.
16
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,440
It is the best.
But it's so expensive.
17
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,760
Hey, gentrification is everywhere,
my friend.
18
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,320
You know, cafe owners come to me
from everywhere -
19
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,120
Shoreditch, Brixton, Peckham.
20
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,800
Even people in Stratford
want avocados these days.
21
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:05,520
As in, white people.
22
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,040
Listen to me, puta,
23
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,600
I have a business to run.
24
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:14,240
I going to need to put something
on my sourdough toast.
25
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,840
Therefore, I going to have
to TAKE the avocados, cabron.
26
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,360
GUNS CLICK
27
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,560
HE LAUGHS
28
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,960
I LOVE this guy.
29
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,520
Ha-ha!
30
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,840
You want my avocados?
31
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,520
Everybody wants my avocados.
32
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,040
Here it is.
33
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,640
Take it.
34
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,360
AVOCADO SQUELCHES
35
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,960
HE YELPS
36
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:57,080
Blackie!
37
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,120
HE WAILS
38
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:01,600
Arturo!
39
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,720
SHE SCREAMS
40
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,680
GUNSHOT
41
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,000
There we go.
42
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,600
ARTURO MOANS WEAKLY
43
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,600
You know,
44
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,240
in all my years,
45
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,600
I never even tasted an avocado.
46
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,040
Yuck.
47
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,800
White people be crazy.
48
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,160
Si.
49
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,200
THEY GROAN
50
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,200
Jason, we're so happy
to have you home from university.
51
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,360
Jason, you were always
our favourite nephew. Isn't he?
52
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,760
Mm. And, Patrick, you are welcome.
53
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,960
Jason tells us much about you,
his best friend.
54
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,960
Always talking, talking,
isn't it? Mm.
55
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,960
Um, listen, Aunties,
about my friend...Patrick...
56
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,920
BOTH: Yes?
57
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,600
Well, he's not just...my friend.
58
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:38,200
BOTH: Yes?
59
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,920
I'm gay.
60
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,280
OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS
61
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,760
Gay?
62
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,240
Gay?
63
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,880
You mean to tell me
64
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,920
this boy you brought here
as your friend to my table
65
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,480
is actually your lover?
66
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:05,560
Well...
67
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920
MUSIC STOPS
68
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920
Hey, you have found love!
69
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,920
Oh, we thank God. Oh-oh!
70
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,960
And with such a handsome man
like Patrick, hey?
71
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,720
Look at his eyebrows.
Yes, on fleek. Yes.
72
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,080
You're not angry?
73
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,200
What for? You are happy,
we are happy. Yes.
74
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,480
GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS
75
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,480
Love knows no boundaries.
76
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,120
Yeah, love wins. Yes.
77
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,360
Wow.
78
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,040
Thank you, Aunties.
79
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,000
Don't worry, yeah? Come on,
eat, eat.
80
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,200
Let's eat the assorted meat stew.
Yes, come.
81
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,720
Oh, sorry, Aunties, um,
82
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,040
me and Patrick are vegan now.
83
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,120
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
84
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,680
Get out! You bastard!
85
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,080
Out of my house! Huh?
86
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,480
Bastard!
87
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,080
SOBBING: Oh, the devil
has taken his soul
88
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,440
and turned him into a vegan.
89
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,640
THEY WAIL
90
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,200
What am I supposed to do with
all of that assorted meat, huh?
91
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,120
Can you imagine?
Not even dairy products.
92
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,400
Not even a boiled egg. Yeah.
93
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,200
No assorted meat.
94
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,840
No shaki. No shaki.
95
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,200
No banku.
He can have the banku, you know.
96
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,960
Can he? Yes, it's just
corn and cassava.
97
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,440
Oh, I didn't know.
We thank God. Yes, we thank God.
98
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,560
THEY WAIL
99
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,640
SCREAMING: Vegan!
100
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,120
He's vegan!
101
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,960
OK, so, we need to talk about
department budget overview.
102
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,000
KNOCK ON DOOR
103
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,000
Sorry to interrupt.
104
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,080
Charlene, there is
a...drillagram for you.
105
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,320
Drillagram?
106
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,000
What on Earth's a drillagram?
107
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,040
Mind out, mind out, mind out,
mind out.
108
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,640
DRILL MUSIC PLAYS
109
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,640
Oi, you lot don't know this,
110
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,840
but it's your girl
Charlene's birthday,
111
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,560
and her boyfriend Phil
got us to do this message.
112
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:46,040
It's going to be a bit
of a sticky one, still.
113
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,560
You get me, Charlene?
114
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,560
# Blow out your candles,
stand at that cake
115
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,360
# Get dipped, stand up,
take some pics
116
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,760
# Post on Instagram, Snapchat
117
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,760
# Crack that bottle of champers
and take some sips
118
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,480
# In France they say
bon anniversaire
119
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,280
# Shout out
all the mandem that's here
120
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:01,200
# Like Lynn from accounts,
Tim from HR
121
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,760
# And your line manager, Claire
122
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,840
# Oi, let's not forget your
boyfriend, Phil
123
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,200
# He's a good boyfriend still
124
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,440
# Could've gave you a bog-standard
birthday card
125
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,000
# But your boy went drill
126
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,720
# And he's taking you out
for a slap-up meal
127
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,360
# At a fancy bar and grill
128
00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,600
# And word on the road is
he got you a hot-air balloon
129
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,240
# Flying over a hill... #
130
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,800
ALL: # Who's the birthday girl?
You're the birthday girl
131
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,280
# You're the birthday girl
132
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,600
# Who's the birthday girl?
You're the birthday girl
133
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,720
# Whoop, whoop, whoop
134
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,040
# Who's the birthday girl?
You're the birthday girl
135
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,400
# You're the birthday girl
136
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,880
# Who's the birthday girl?
You're the birthday girl
137
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,240
# Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop! #
138
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,240
Cuz. All right.
139
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:38,680
Man coming with, though.
140
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,720
Some gluten-free ting, still.
141
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,240
So, Marie, as you were
saying, about...
142
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,880
HE BANGS DOOR
143
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,880
Your man going to validate
144
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,440
this parking ting, or...?
145
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,480
SHE LAUGHS
146
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,480
That's great. Welcome back.
147
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,400
You're watching Cooking With
Sue And Tim, with me, Sue...
148
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,840
And me, Oluwafemi. Because Tim's got
the flu at the moment.
149
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,040
Get well soon, Tim.
Now, before the break,
150
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,280
we cooked some lovely,
traditional jerk chicken.
151
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,480
But now it's time
for a special treat
152
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,160
as we learn how to prepare
white people chicken.
153
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,920
Mm, white people chicken.
So underrated.
154
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,440
So, we have our chicken here,
155
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:27,960
and the first thing we're going
to do is take our herbs and spices
156
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,000
and put them in the cupboard.
157
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,640
Yeah, we won't be needing those.
158
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,400
And then we take our chicken
and we put it in the oven.
159
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:38,040
So, to recap, to cook your
white people chicken,
160
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,360
put the chicken in the oven.
161
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,280
And there we have it.
162
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,920
Isn't it glorious?
It is, Sue. So beige.
163
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,000
Exactly. Lovely and beige.
164
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,360
The beiger, the better.
165
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,320
Shall we tuck in? Yes, please.
166
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,320
SHE CHUCKLES
167
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,520
Mm. Mm. Indeed.
168
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,640
You know what's really great?
169
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,720
I can just really taste the chicken.
170
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,120
Exactly. There's no pesky herbs
or spices or flavour
171
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,360
getting in the way.
172
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,960
I hope this doesn't sound strange,
173
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,560
but I imagine this is what
white people taste like.
174
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,720
HE LAUGHS
175
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,720
Oh, trust me, Sue,
176
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,960
it is.
177
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,280
CELESTIAL MUSIC PLAYS
178
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,440
OK, so. 2020.
179
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,080
It's going to start off just
sort of normal,
180
00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,360
people laying into Meghan Markle
a little.
181
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,120
And then - bam!
182
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,720
Global pandemic!
183
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,920
And it's going to be
so horrible and so deadly
184
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,160
that the whole world is going
to go into lockdown
185
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,320
for months.
186
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,080
So what's the last thing
you want to happen
187
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,600
when everyone's locked down
and a little crazy?
188
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,000
Um... Yup, you guessed it!
189
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120
The cops are going to kill
another black person.
190
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,280
Of course they are.
191
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,880
So then, Black Lives Matter will
start protesting
192
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:02,080
and just, like, pulling down statues
of slave traders.
193
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:06,160
And then Donald Trump will tell
everyone to drink bleach.
194
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,840
Look, Jesus, I... Bats!
195
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:08,920
Boris gets it!
196
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,720
Kanye West will run for president!
197
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,920
And then there are going to be
these murder hornets.
198
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,200
Murder hornets? Yeah, murder f...
199
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,560
Yeah, OK, maybe the murder hornets
are a bit far-fetched.
200
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,400
No, the murder hornets are good.
They'll come later.
201
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,280
Well, Jesus, we are flattered
that you would come to us first,
202
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,480
but we are the BBC.
203
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,520
A TV show like this is going
to need a big budget.
204
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,120
Maybe you want to go to HBO
or Netflix?
205
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,880
Oh, no, this isn't a TV show.
This is going to happen.
206
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,680
This...is going to happen?
207
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,720
Yeah.
208
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,320
What do you think?
209
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,680
I think this is horrible.
210
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,240
Isn't it? That's exactly
what I was going for!
211
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,760
Ha! Really great notes, guys.
212
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,120
Really, really helpful.
I've got to call my dad.
213
00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,920
Catch you in 2021.
214
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,760
Maybe!
215
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,760
CELESTIAL MUSIC PLAYS
216
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,280
This one goes out to all
the interracial couples.
217
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,680
MUSIC: IN THE STYLE OF YOU SEXY
THING BY HOT CHOCOLATE
218
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,000
All of the interracial couples
who are used
219
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,600
for selling things in adverts.
220
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,000
Come on.
221
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,480
You can't resist the swirl.
That's right.
222
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,600
# You're an interracial couple
in an advert
223
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,760
# Black girl and a white guy
in a T-shirt... #
224
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,400
Holy shit, that's Jake Gyllenhaal.
225
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,520
# You're an interracial couple
in an advert
226
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,840
# For the purpose of the product,
they're together... #
227
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,680
Wow, that's real love.
228
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:39,000
# Tear those boxes,
break down those walls
229
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,320
# In advertising
you've got to have balls
230
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,040
# Come on, I said make one black,
make one white
231
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,360
# Put them together,
everything's right
232
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,560
# Years ago
they'd keep it out of sight
233
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:53,000
# But these commercials
are dynamite
234
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,240
# Halifax, DFS, Ikea
235
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,480
# Maccy D's, Domino's, Santander
236
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,720
# Specsavers, Sainsbury's, B&Q
237
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,880
# Not Waitrose,
but Nike and Clear Blue
238
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:07,520
# These interracial couples
selling stuff
239
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:12,200
# These interracial
couples selling stuff
240
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,640
# These interracial couples
selling stuff
241
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:21,880
# These interracial couples
selling stuff. #
242
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,280
And remember, buy Octavia yoghurt.
243
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,440
I promise, this is actually my wife.
244
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,080
HE LAUGHS
Oh, darling, got a bit of yog there.
245
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,160
Delish.
246
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,040
One, two, three, hit it.
247
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,080
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
248
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,120
There's more where that came from!
249
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:52,960
Send.
250
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,520
Yes!
251
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,600
HE LAUGHS
252
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,200
Woo! That is brilliant.
253
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:08,400
Yes! He loved it. He LOVED it!
254
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:09,960
This is going to kill.
255
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,200
Come on, come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on...
256
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,240
KNOCKING ON DOOR
257
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,960
Yo, man, everything all right?
258
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,320
Yeah, why?
259
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,840
One minute, you were...you were
replying and laughing
260
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,120
to all those memes and gifs
I was sending you,
261
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,440
and then you just stopped.
262
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,520
To be honest man, um,
263
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,280
all the texts,
264
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,000
it's kind of jarring, man.
But you were laughing.
265
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,120
I mean, you were...you were
laughing out loud.
266
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,760
I wasn't laughing.
I was being polite.
267
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,120
You mean, you...you...
268
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,480
You were faking it?
269
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,400
You were faking it this whole time?
270
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,880
HE CLEARS THROAT
271
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,880
Who does that?
272
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,440
Who says they're LOLing
when they're not actually LOLing?
273
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,800
A lot of people do that.
Well, when I say "LOL,"
274
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,480
I mean it! When I say "LOL,"
275
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,320
it's because I'm laughing out loud!
276
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,600
What about all those crying
with laughter emojis you sent?
277
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,320
I suppose that was all
bullcrap, too!
278
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,320
You weren't crying with laughter
at all, were you, Matt?!
279
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,000
Mate... Emojis stand
for emotions, Matt!
280
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,080
And you have played with mine
for far too long with your lies!
281
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,320
Mate!
282
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,800
HE LAUGHS
283
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,800
Yeah, I pranked you.
284
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,880
HE LAUGHS
285
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,880
Yeah?
286
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,400
Yes! Jesus! Ha-ha!
287
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,040
OK. Cool.
288
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,200
That was funny. All right, see you.
So, listen, I'll...
289
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,400
PHONE PINGS
290
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,480
HE SOBS
291
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,040
Yo, this is a message for
the so-called Stratford Soldiers,
292
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,720
from the E19 Posse.
293
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,400
Mm.
ALL: Mm, mm.
294
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,440
Listen, look at our
brand-new ride, though.
295
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,600
Yeah, fresh ting. You, man, had
better stay off these streets,
296
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,440
or else. Rat-tat-ta-ta!
297
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,760
ALL: Rat-tat-ta-ta!
298
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,680
Yo, this is the Stratford Soldiers.
299
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,760
We got your message,
and we've got a message for you!
300
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,000
Did you know that there's more
carbon dioxide
301
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,520
in our atmosphere now
than at any other time
302
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,080
in the last million years?
303
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,640
And a huge percentage of that
is caused by road transport.
304
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,920
Haven't you been listening
to Greta Thunberg?
305
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,960
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Message over!
306
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,440
Boom! Listen, Stratford Soldiers.
307
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,760
We got your message,
given it some thought,
308
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,240
and you're right, still. Mm?
309
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,440
ALL: Mm, mm.
310
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:54,200
So, we sold the G Wagon
and we bought a little G-Wiz ting.
311
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,560
Mm! Yes, more compact.
312
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,640
It won't fit all the mandem,
but it's electric,
313
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,160
it's good for the environment,
314
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,320
and it's got one of them little
cute cup holders, bruv.
315
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,480
That's great work, E19 Posse!
316
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,840
We respect you
for making that change.
317
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,000
Oh, and we're not
the Stratford Soldiers any more.
318
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,120
We're the Stratford Eco Warriors.
319
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,200
Come on, boys.
320
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,640
Let's go and get some aubergine
sausages from that new vegan cafe
321
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,680
on the Brecknock Road.
322
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,680
BIKE BELLS TINKLE
323
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,280
Brecknock Road?
You man are on our block again?!
324
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,320
Listen, Jamal,
fire up the G-Wiz ting.
325
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,480
The battery's still charging.
326
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,120
It's going to take
about the next 16 hours.
327
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,080
Well, then call man
a fuckin' Uber, then!
328
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,800
Furthermore, you man's bikes
were dead. Dead!
329
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,600
That weren't no BMX!
Relax, relax. Chill.
330
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,800
Where were the gears, cuz?
That weren't no Carrera! You mans...
331
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,560
Excuse me, please.
332
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,560
I'm a little torn between the
coconut oil and the macadamia oil.
333
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,560
Which one do you think is better?
334
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,280
Ah, well, well.
335
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:56,480
Both the macadamia and coconut
are both very, very good products,
336
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,440
but I would personally be
recommending the macadamia
337
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,200
for that smooth and silky shine,
338
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,840
because you are worth it, madam.
339
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,960
Is something the matter?
Perhaps you are not understanding
340
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,480
my thick Indian accent.
341
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,080
No, no, it's fine, it's fine.
342
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,960
I was also looking at those wigs
over there. Ah! Well, well!
343
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:21,280
These particular wigs come all
the way from China
344
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,400
and are world-class.
345
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,160
Top, top quality, madam.
346
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,920
Sorry, I think you've got something
on your...
347
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,600
I have something on my face?
My Indian face?
348
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,080
Yeah, if you could just...
No, no, madam, it is fine.
349
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,600
I'm fine. I am Indian and it is...
350
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,320
Argh! Argh!
351
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,160
Are you fuck, mate!
352
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,160
IN ENGLISH ACCENT: Shit.
Look, please don't tell anyone.
353
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,560
I'm going to report you! Do you know
how inappropriate this is?
354
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,280
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
It's just...
355
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,320
HE SIGHS
356
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,880
All my life,
I've dreamed of owning
357
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,040
my own Afro-Caribbean hair
and hair products shop.
358
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,440
That was never going to happen.
359
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,240
Look at me.
360
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,960
I'm black.
361
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,520
We don't buy from each other.
362
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,560
You ask yourself,
would you have come to buy
363
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,520
your hair and hair products
from me if I wasn't
364
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,800
an Indian-slash-Pakistani man?
365
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,840
I did what I had to do
to fulfil my dream.
366
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,680
Is that such a bad thing?
367
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,840
Hang on a minute. Yes.
Yes, it is a bad thing.
368
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,040
It's terrible.
369
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,160
You were making your head wobble
and everything.
370
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,760
Dressing up and appropriating other
people's cultures is wrong.
371
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,800
Always!
372
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,560
I can do you two-for-one
on those Chinese wigs.
373
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,440
Yes, please. They are fabulous!
374
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,200
IN INDIAN ACCENT: Very, very good.
No. OK.
375
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,240
COUNTDOWN THEME PLAYS ON STEEL DRUMS
376
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,240
APPLAUSE
377
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:57,000
HE LAUGHS
Yes, and welcome back to Countdown,
378
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,720
the game show about spelling
an' ting.
379
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,120
Sean. Mm.
380
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,400
Tell me girl Carol which
letters you want 'pon the board.
381
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,920
All right, then, Carol.
382
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,080
Ooh, well, Carol,
383
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,880
I can put two pickney in ya barrel.
384
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,720
Mm. Give me a vowel.
385
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,920
Mm.
386
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:16,960
And another vowel.
387
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,440
CHANTS: And a consonant.
388
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,080
And a vowel.
389
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,600
And another vowel,
and a consonant.
390
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,680
And a consonant. Gimme a vowel.
391
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,680
HE BEATS A RHYTHM
392
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,840
And another vowel, and a consonant,
and a consonant.
393
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,360
SHELLY SINGS RHYTHMICALLY
394
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,360
Now, take two vowel, and take a
395
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,360
boom, boom skin up...
396
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,600
Put it 'pon the board, put it,
put it 'pon the board.
397
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,400
And a vowel, and a consonant,
and another vowel, and a consonant.
398
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,360
Another vowel. And a consonant!
399
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,400
THEY CHANT AND SING
400
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,240
Boy, boy, you take it too far,
401
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,320
you have enough letter 'pon
the board there.
402
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,080
Right, Ebenezer,
run the rhythm, Rasta.
403
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:54,600
Good to go!
404
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,160
# Wind your waist up
and bounce around
405
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,880
# And then swing your teeth up
and thunderclap
406
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,840
# And then shake a foot
like you're at the carnival
407
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,960
# Then you hear the
Countdown conundrum is
408
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,440
# Letters, numbers,
hell of a cock, boom! #
409
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,720
Um...Sean.
410
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,840
How many letters in your word?
411
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,800
Me have six letters in my word.
412
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,080
And my word is BOKKLE.
413
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,960
Like, you know when you have
a nice BOKKLE of Guinness.
414
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,600
Shelly Ann, how many letters
in your word?
415
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,200
My word is PINGWINGS.
416
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,480
Like them something they find in
South Pole or in the flim, um...
417
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,760
What the flim name again?
What the flim name? Um... Appy Feet.
418
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,840
Sensational. And me brother, Roy,
419
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,920
how many letters your word did have?
420
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,680
Wha'...? Wha' you say?
421
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,640
My brother Roy has the right idea.
That's... That's a vibe still.
422
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,440
Burn these letters and tings and
let's shake a foot! Come on!
423
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,480
MUSIC PLAYS
424
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,440
HIGH-PITCHED BEEP
425
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,120
Oh, my God, guys, so what about
that ending to Game Of Thrones?
426
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,000
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! Don't
say anything, I haven't seen it.
427
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,520
OK, anyway...
428
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,040
Nothing tops the Red Wedding. Ooh!
429
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,320
Look, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
I haven't seen it!
430
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,440
You haven't seen the Red Wedding?
431
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,240
What the fuck?! Where are you up to?
432
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,280
Season one.
433
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,280
THEY GROAN
434
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,800
I've just started, so please,
no spoilers about anything,
435
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,600
especially the Red Wedding.
436
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,200
Thing is, Dave,
437
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,080
we really want to talk
about Game Of Thrones.
438
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,720
All of it.
439
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:26,160
Yes. Yes, we would.
440
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,360
Well, you...you can't.
441
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,800
It's OK. We understand.
442
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,640
MUSICIANS PLAY SOFTLY
443
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,400
Guys, what's happening?
444
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,360
We just...
445
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,000
..don't want to spoil
anything for you, Dave.
446
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,040
BLADE UNSHEATHES
447
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,920
Right, now we can talk about
448
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,200
the final episode
of Game Of Thrones.
449
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,520
Ooh, actually, have you guys
been watching
450
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,640
the new series of Killing Eve?
451
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:22,120
Now, THAT we need to talk about!
452
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,480
GASP
453
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,200
I've seen that.
454
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,800
# Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta
455
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,960
# Me n'affi ask weh dem
put up dem hands for
456
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,640
# Step inna yuh face, we a gangsta
457
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,600
# Mek dem know to no bwoy
we nuh answer
458
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,280
# Badder than cancer, the freelancer
459
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,000
# Big up every woman
and salute every man, sah
460
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,040
# Never impact, Major Blazer
21, watch 'ya
461
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:44,560
# Rumble in di jungle, step to dis
You're sure to crumble
462
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,520
# Try walk straight
and try nuh stumble
463
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,560
# Try hold yuh mouth
and try be humble
464
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,480
# Shawty, walk in, dance mashup. #
53407
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