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1
00:00:26,791 --> 00:00:30,769
[EXPLOSION]
2
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:32,759
[GROWLING]
3
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,748
So that's what you look like.
4
00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:39,418
You ugly, horrible... go on!
5
00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,007
Try your intellect on me!
6
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,717
I'll see you in hell first!
7
00:00:42,718 --> 00:00:44,168
[GUNSHOT]
8
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[SCREAMING]
9
00:00:46,099 --> 00:00:46,838
No!
10
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:47,837
Stop!
11
00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:54,296
Call off your troops.
12
00:00:54,297 --> 00:00:55,296
Cease firing.
13
00:01:07,645 --> 00:01:09,974
He acted like he knew him.
14
00:01:09,975 --> 00:01:11,624
He did.
15
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:15,893
He learned almost too late that
man is a feeling creature,
16
00:01:15,894 --> 00:01:19,523
and because of it, the
greatest in the universe.
17
00:01:19,524 --> 00:01:25,652
There is hope, but it has
to come from man himself.
18
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,652
I have to go.
19
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,651
I'm gonna eat now.
20
00:01:28,652 --> 00:01:30,153
Hold on just a second.
21
00:01:37,522 --> 00:01:38,521
Hello, darling.
22
00:01:38,521 --> 00:01:39,391
It's me again.
23
00:01:39,392 --> 00:01:45,240
Yours truly, Elvira, the gal
with the enormous, uh, ratings.
24
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,519
Well, that's our show.
25
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,818
I hope you enjoyed watching
it as much as I did.
26
00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:53,209
[GAGGING]
27
00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:53,909
Oh, boy.
28
00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:56,067
I mean, could you believe
that cheesy looking monster?
29
00:01:56,094 --> 00:01:58,518
Looked like Gumby on steroids.
30
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,189
Well, at least the
movie had a moral.
31
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:08,665
Hey, does anybody know
what that movie was about?
32
00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:10,286
Uh, I'll tell you
what it was about.
33
00:02:10,287 --> 00:02:14,336
It was about an hour
and a half too long.
34
00:02:14,337 --> 00:02:16,625
Oh, and, uh, don't
forget, next week, it's.
35
00:02:16,626 --> 00:02:19,944
The Head With Two Things... I
mean, The Thing With Two Heads.
36
00:02:19,945 --> 00:02:24,524
And until then, this is Elvira,
the gal who put the boob back
37
00:02:24,525 --> 00:02:28,315
in the boob tube, saying
unpleasant dreams.
38
00:02:36,544 --> 00:02:39,543
Hey, put me down, will you?
39
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:48,591
Is there anything that
could possibly shame you?
40
00:02:48,592 --> 00:02:51,151
Yeah, wearing this in a
public place might do it.
41
00:02:51,152 --> 00:02:52,151
Ha!
42
00:02:54,701 --> 00:02:56,300
Get it, girlfriend.
43
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,241
You got your news and counting.
44
00:03:00,651 --> 00:03:01,650
Hey, Elvira.
45
00:03:01,650 --> 00:03:02,350
Not now, Rudy.
46
00:03:02,351 --> 00:03:03,849
Wait a sec, wait a sec.
47
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,948
See... see that guy over there?
48
00:03:05,949 --> 00:03:07,858
What, the lard bucket
in the 10 gallon hat?
49
00:03:07,859 --> 00:03:10,528
Yes, that's the
station's new owner.
50
00:03:10,529 --> 00:03:13,298
From the edge of the sea to
the end of the valley, you...
51
00:03:13,299 --> 00:03:13,998
What?
52
00:03:13,999 --> 00:03:16,727
Shut up!
53
00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:19,687
This guy's [INAUDIBLE], OK?
54
00:03:19,688 --> 00:03:25,596
Mr. Hooter, this is, uh, Elvira.
55
00:03:25,597 --> 00:03:29,496
Name's Earl, but the ladies
back home call me Longhorn.
56
00:03:29,497 --> 00:03:32,635
Maybe you can guess why.
57
00:03:32,636 --> 00:03:33,675
Gee, I don't know.
58
00:03:33,676 --> 00:03:36,285
Does it have anything
to do with your breath?
59
00:03:36,286 --> 00:03:39,514
Why don't we let this little
filly get herself gussied up?
60
00:03:39,515 --> 00:03:42,534
The sooner I get in the
saddle, the better.
61
00:03:42,535 --> 00:03:46,314
Well, sorry, partner, but it
looks like it's gonna be you
62
00:03:46,315 --> 00:03:48,713
and your trusty old right hand.
63
00:03:48,714 --> 00:03:50,373
Sounds like you're looking to get
64
00:03:50,374 --> 00:03:52,403
yourself fired, little lady.
65
00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:53,812
Go ahead and fire me.
66
00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:56,582
I need this job like a leper
needs a three way mirror.
67
00:03:56,583 --> 00:04:00,382
It just so happens I have an
act opening up in Las Vegas.
68
00:04:00,383 --> 00:04:01,771
Well, terrific.
69
00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:03,711
You can try your act out on me.
70
00:04:03,712 --> 00:04:05,271
It's milkin' time!
71
00:04:05,272 --> 00:04:07,221
[SCREAMS]
72
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:08,192
That's it!
73
00:04:08,192 --> 00:04:09,162
I'm walking!
74
00:04:09,163 --> 00:04:10,721
I don't have to take
this from anybody.
75
00:04:10,748 --> 00:04:12,660
And as for you, you
cretinous cowpoke...
76
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:14,989
Whoa, whoa, she's got Hooter!
77
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:17,250
Somebody on the floor
get her out of there!
78
00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:19,569
Within so much as 10 feet of me,
79
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:23,878
and I'm gonna tie your
weenie in a granny knot!
80
00:04:23,879 --> 00:04:25,978
You said she was a nympho!
81
00:04:25,979 --> 00:04:27,408
Come on, will you?
82
00:04:27,409 --> 00:04:29,777
Not the ball game!
83
00:04:29,778 --> 00:04:31,228
[CRYING]
84
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:32,417
You can't quit!
85
00:04:32,418 --> 00:04:33,388
What's the big deal?
86
00:04:33,389 --> 00:04:35,117
Soon as my show opens in Las Vegas,
87
00:04:35,118 --> 00:04:37,527
I'll never have to host one
of those crap-o horror movies
88
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,177
again.
89
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:40,896
There's no problem with
the show, is there?
90
00:04:40,923 --> 00:04:44,586
Problem? [NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
Complications, maybe,
91
00:04:44,587 --> 00:04:45,507
but never a problem.
92
00:04:45,508 --> 00:04:47,365
All right, out with it, Manny.
93
00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:51,735
OK, the Flamingo won't... it
won't go ahead with the show
94
00:04:51,736 --> 00:04:54,004
unless you come up with some
money to help finance it.
95
00:04:54,005 --> 00:04:56,274
Well, how much do they want?
96
00:04:56,275 --> 00:04:58,094
$50,000.
97
00:04:58,095 --> 00:04:59,494
$50,000?
98
00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:01,833
Are you nuts?
99
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,343
Where am I going to come up
with that kind of money?
100
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:07,263
Maybe it's not too late
to get your job back.
101
00:05:07,264 --> 00:05:07,963
Forget it, Manny.
102
00:05:07,964 --> 00:05:11,053
I'm never working for
that sleazeball again.
103
00:05:11,054 --> 00:05:13,462
I'll just have to find
another sleazeball.
104
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:16,232
[KNOCKING]
105
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,082
Oh, telegram for Miss Elvira.
106
00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:19,082
I'll take it.
107
00:05:22,951 --> 00:05:26,000
Dear Elvira, as executor of the
estate of your great aunt Miss.
108
00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:27,610
Morgana Talbot, I'm sorry to inform
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00:05:27,611 --> 00:05:31,040
you of her untimely passing.
110
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,439
Whoa, I didn't even
know I had a good aunt,
111
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,320
much less a great one.
112
00:05:34,321 --> 00:05:37,579
Let me see that.
113
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:40,137
It says here all I have to do is
come to Fallwell, Massachusetts
114
00:05:40,138 --> 00:05:42,596
for the reading of the will and
I'll pick up my inheritance!
115
00:05:42,597 --> 00:05:44,768
Is that timing, or what?
116
00:05:47,718 --> 00:05:49,687
[BLOWING NOSE]
117
00:05:49,688 --> 00:05:54,337
And lastly, to my
enchanting niece, Elvira,
118
00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:57,386
who has unflinchingly withstood
the slings and arrows
119
00:05:57,387 --> 00:06:04,056
of an imperfect world without so
much as a whimper or complaint,
120
00:06:04,057 --> 00:06:08,694
I bequeath my entire fortune.
121
00:06:08,695 --> 00:06:12,354
[SOBBING]
122
00:06:12,355 --> 00:06:16,723
Let's show Elvira exactly
what she's inherited!
123
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:21,703
[BELLS]
124
00:06:21,704 --> 00:06:25,872
Elvira, you are going to start
with something that dreams are
125
00:06:25,873 --> 00:06:29,042
made of... a beautiful
new sailboat!
126
00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:36,091
You're going to sail away in a
sporty Sunchaser II from Stark!
127
00:06:36,092 --> 00:06:37,351
And that's not all.
128
00:06:37,352 --> 00:06:39,810
When you're tired
of sailing, you'll
129
00:06:39,811 --> 00:06:42,830
drive home in this brand
new Jeep Wrangler!
130
00:06:42,831 --> 00:06:45,600
I needed one of those! [SQUEALING]
131
00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:48,120
And you'll sit down to dinner
at this beautiful 10-piece
132
00:06:48,121 --> 00:06:50,719
dining room suite from
American Heritage!
133
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,139
[SQUEALING]
134
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:59,018
And on top... on top
of all of that, money!
135
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,459
Lots and lots of money!
136
00:07:07,308 --> 00:07:08,776
Elvira.
137
00:07:08,777 --> 00:07:11,706
Elvira, are you all right?
138
00:07:11,707 --> 00:07:13,265
Go ahead and call
the Flamingo, Manny.
139
00:07:13,292 --> 00:07:15,406
Tell them I'll have
the $50,000 as soon
140
00:07:15,407 --> 00:07:17,466
as I get back from Massachusetts.
141
00:07:17,466 --> 00:07:20,305
Las Vegas, here I come.
142
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,306
[MUSIC - LORI CHACKO,
"ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY"]
143
00:07:44,713 --> 00:07:46,203
Hop in, sailor.
144
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:52,672
[LAUGHING]
145
00:08:01,141 --> 00:08:04,130
Here, you forgot your axe.
146
00:08:04,131 --> 00:08:06,120
[SCREAM]
147
00:08:12,589 --> 00:08:14,589
[HOWLING]
148
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,977
[SIRENS]
149
00:08:35,276 --> 00:08:39,285
You know you were doing 50
in a 25 mile per hour zone?
150
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:39,986
Um, no.
151
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:43,795
But if you hum a few bars,
I'll fake it. [LAUGHING]
152
00:08:49,065 --> 00:08:51,463
I gotta get a new joke.
153
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,743
This one's costing me a fortune.
154
00:09:04,872 --> 00:09:06,842
[FART]
155
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:22,400
Hey, how about some gas?
156
00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:33,088
Fuck this.
157
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,083
You know, those
things will kill you.
158
00:10:19,013 --> 00:10:20,973
Have a nice day.
159
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,190
[EXPLOSION]
160
00:11:55,370 --> 00:11:58,829
[HONKING]
161
00:12:04,748 --> 00:12:06,807
I can make darn sure
he doesn't get it.
162
00:12:06,808 --> 00:12:08,368
I have my ways, you know.
163
00:12:19,626 --> 00:12:21,126
Well!
164
00:12:21,127 --> 00:12:23,565
Oh!
165
00:12:23,566 --> 00:12:25,295
Well, I never.
166
00:12:25,296 --> 00:12:28,764
Yeah, and you never will with
them soup cans on your head.
167
00:12:28,765 --> 00:12:30,824
Listen, young lady, I
don't know who you are
168
00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,843
or where you came
from, but you most
169
00:12:32,844 --> 00:12:34,763
certainly don't fit in this town.
170
00:12:34,764 --> 00:12:38,034
Why, you don't even
fit in that dress.
171
00:12:38,035 --> 00:12:40,143
Listen, sister, if I
want your opinion,
172
00:12:40,144 --> 00:12:41,973
I'll beat it out of you.
173
00:12:41,974 --> 00:12:42,903
Oh!
174
00:12:42,904 --> 00:12:44,753
Anita!
175
00:12:44,754 --> 00:12:47,662
It's the Antichrist, I
tell you, the Antichrist!
176
00:12:47,663 --> 00:12:49,962
Can someone tell me where
there's a garage around here?
177
00:12:49,963 --> 00:12:50,662
Yeah, yeah.
178
00:12:50,663 --> 00:12:52,871
There's one right up the street.
179
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,591
Oh.
180
00:12:54,592 --> 00:12:58,081
Well, uh, would one of
you big, strong men
181
00:12:58,082 --> 00:12:59,611
mind giving me a little push?
182
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,051
Easy, easy.
183
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:08,540
Don't scratch the paint.
184
00:13:15,519 --> 00:13:16,588
She's incredible.
185
00:13:16,589 --> 00:13:18,018
Man, what I wouldn't do for just
186
00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:19,098
one peek at those gazongas.
187
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,477
They're unreal.
188
00:13:21,478 --> 00:13:22,388
Oh, great.
189
00:13:22,389 --> 00:13:24,637
That means I'm stuck
in this hellhole.
190
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,987
I mean, this quaint
little hellhole.
191
00:13:26,988 --> 00:13:30,037
Uh, listen, is there a motel
or something around here?
192
00:13:30,038 --> 00:13:32,815
Well, there's the Cozy
Cot down by the Widow.
193
00:13:32,816 --> 00:13:34,416
Bishop's feed store.
194
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,765
Course, her son sort of took that
195
00:13:35,766 --> 00:13:39,155
over after she had that
spell of gingivitis.
196
00:13:39,156 --> 00:13:41,075
Her whole mouth swole up.
197
00:13:41,076 --> 00:13:43,904
Looked like she ate
a box of staples.
198
00:13:43,905 --> 00:13:45,543
Folks were saying she
got it from kissing
199
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:46,890
that old dog of hers.
200
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:51,274
Nice tits.
201
00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:01,523
[HOWLING]
202
00:14:04,652 --> 00:14:05,651
Yoo-hoo!
203
00:14:08,953 --> 00:14:10,291
[BELL RINGING]
204
00:14:10,292 --> 00:14:12,442
Can I get a room?
205
00:14:16,671 --> 00:14:17,830
Sorry, we're booked solid.
206
00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:20,021
So how come it says
vacancy out there?
207
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,548
Look, we do have a room.
208
00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:30,149
Remember the trucker
with the bad skin
209
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:31,348
that checked out this morning?
210
00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:32,009
Ew.
211
00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,469
I hope you changed the sheets.
212
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:40,856
Hi.
213
00:14:40,857 --> 00:14:45,017
Is that makeup I see on
your face, young lady?
214
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:45,927
No, ma'am.
215
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,895
I mean, yes, ma'am.
216
00:14:47,896 --> 00:14:49,096
Well, just a little.
217
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,755
How many times have
I told you, you're
218
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:52,565
too young to wear makeup!
219
00:14:52,566 --> 00:14:54,085
Now, mother, I don't think...
220
00:14:54,086 --> 00:14:55,295
Shut up, Wesley!
221
00:14:55,296 --> 00:14:57,014
But grandma, all the
other girls at school
222
00:14:57,015 --> 00:14:57,714
are wearing makeup!
223
00:14:57,715 --> 00:15:00,175
And if all the other girls
at school jumped off a cliff,
224
00:15:00,176 --> 00:15:01,985
would you jump off a cliff?
225
00:15:01,986 --> 00:15:02,825
All right!
226
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:04,214
And you don't have the sense
that you were born with.
227
00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:06,533
You have...
[BELL RINGING]
228
00:15:06,534 --> 00:15:08,934
I hate to interrupt this
little episode of The Waltons,
229
00:15:08,935 --> 00:15:11,543
but can I get a room?
230
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:15,073
OK, but it's cash up front.
231
00:15:15,074 --> 00:15:17,592
I know what you pinko heavy metal
232
00:15:17,593 --> 00:15:20,751
weirdos do to motel rooms.
233
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,481
Read all about in The Star.
234
00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:25,101
I'll, uh, show the
lady to her room.
235
00:15:25,102 --> 00:15:26,101
Oh no you don't.
236
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:37,030
Hey, don't let them get you down.
237
00:15:37,031 --> 00:15:38,889
I used to get the same
line about makeup
238
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,128
from the nuns at the orphanage.
239
00:15:40,155 --> 00:15:42,908
Course, I was only eight.
240
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,718
Uh, I'm Elvira.
241
00:15:44,719 --> 00:15:47,049
I'm Robin.
242
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:51,098
So, um, Robin, what's there to
do for fun around here, anyway?
243
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:52,767
This town isn't real big on fun.
244
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:53,468
Mm.
245
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:56,207
Well, there is one
place that's open.
246
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:57,457
The bowling alley.
247
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,826
That gets real wild
on league night.
248
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:02,127
Gee, I think I can handle it.
249
00:16:10,856 --> 00:16:13,864
Oh, I am so sure.
250
00:16:13,865 --> 00:16:15,834
They must think we're
really stupid.
251
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:17,633
They're gonna kill
Spider-Man with plutonium?
252
00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:19,903
He's got radioactive blood.
253
00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:21,934
Yeah?
254
00:16:21,935 --> 00:16:25,453
Let me see that.
255
00:16:25,454 --> 00:16:28,423
Hey, man, what'd you do that for?
256
00:16:28,424 --> 00:16:29,423
Shut up.
257
00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:38,822
Look at what just walked in.
258
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:48,800
Um, bloody Mary.
259
00:16:48,801 --> 00:16:50,330
No hard liquor served 8:00.
260
00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:52,799
Do you want a virgin?
261
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,090
Maybe, but I'll have a
couple of drinks first.
262
00:17:07,289 --> 00:17:09,257
Hey, baby.
263
00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:12,377
I got something to show you.
264
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:13,078
Sorry.
265
00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:14,657
Left my magnifying glass at home.
266
00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:20,096
Hey, that's pretty good.
267
00:17:20,097 --> 00:17:24,126
Billy, that is no way
to talk to a lady.
268
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:27,105
So, how about a blowjob?
269
00:17:27,106 --> 00:17:30,535
[LAUGHING]
270
00:17:46,214 --> 00:17:49,342
I bet you think that was
pretty funny, don't you?
271
00:17:49,343 --> 00:17:50,562
I enjoyed it.
272
00:17:50,563 --> 00:17:51,483
Yeah?
273
00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:53,701
Well, you're gonna
enjoy this even more.
274
00:17:53,702 --> 00:17:56,451
I cut you, man!
275
00:17:56,452 --> 00:17:58,860
She stabbed me!
276
00:17:58,861 --> 00:18:00,091
Faked you out.
277
00:18:00,092 --> 00:18:00,791
Yeah?
278
00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:02,440
Well, this ain't fake, baby!
279
00:18:02,441 --> 00:18:04,431
So stand still,
because I'm gonna...
280
00:18:07,411 --> 00:18:10,389
Oof!
281
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,889
Uh, my name's Elvira, but
you can call me tonight.
282
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:17,799
I'm Bob.
283
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,108
Bob Redding.
284
00:18:19,109 --> 00:18:21,438
Pleased to meet you.
285
00:18:21,439 --> 00:18:22,918
Look at this mess!
286
00:18:22,919 --> 00:18:24,357
Who the heck is gonna pay for it?
287
00:18:24,358 --> 00:18:25,129
It's all right, Patty.
288
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:26,747
I'll take care of the damages.
289
00:18:26,748 --> 00:18:30,636
Seems to me it's all this
cheap little tart's fault.
290
00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:31,337
Cheap?
291
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:32,208
Who are you calling cheap?
292
00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:33,856
What's that perfume you're wearing?
293
00:18:33,857 --> 00:18:35,436
Catch of the day?
294
00:18:35,437 --> 00:18:39,196
Look, honey, I don't know
which hole you crawled out of,
295
00:18:39,197 --> 00:18:40,956
but I suggest you crawl right back
296
00:18:40,957 --> 00:18:42,385
in if you know what's good for you.
297
00:18:42,386 --> 00:18:43,605
Yeah, yeah.
298
00:18:43,606 --> 00:18:44,496
You better watch out.
299
00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:46,654
You could put some of these
eyes out with them things.
300
00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:51,024
We better go.
301
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,264
It looks like you've got
some competition, Patty.
302
00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:03,853
Charlie, trash does not
compete with class.
303
00:19:07,093 --> 00:19:10,321
Right down the street,
at the Cozy Cot.
304
00:19:10,322 --> 00:19:12,281
Oh.
305
00:19:12,282 --> 00:19:14,131
So what brought you to Fallwell?
306
00:19:14,132 --> 00:19:14,962
Uh, my car.
307
00:19:14,963 --> 00:19:17,440
[LAUGHING]
308
00:19:17,441 --> 00:19:20,070
Uh, no, really, I'm here for
the reading of my great aunt.
309
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,500
Morgana's will.
310
00:19:21,501 --> 00:19:23,230
Morgana Talbot?
311
00:19:23,231 --> 00:19:25,249
She's your aunt?
312
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,959
Yeah, it came as a
surprise to me, too.
313
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,339
I never really knew her, but
I sure admired her spunk.
314
00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:33,668
She never caved in the way
everybody else in this town
315
00:19:33,669 --> 00:19:35,158
has.
316
00:19:35,159 --> 00:19:38,657
Well, I don't want to bore
you with local politics.
317
00:19:38,658 --> 00:19:40,647
Go ahead.
318
00:19:40,648 --> 00:19:41,938
Bore me.
319
00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:42,848
OK.
320
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,866
We've got this town council
that lives in mortal
321
00:19:44,867 --> 00:19:48,556
fear that somewhere, somehow,
somebody in Fallwell
322
00:19:48,557 --> 00:19:49,517
is having a good time.
323
00:19:49,518 --> 00:19:50,736
Oh.
324
00:19:50,737 --> 00:19:52,055
Bunch of real preservatives, huh?
325
00:19:55,187 --> 00:19:56,615
I run the movie house.
326
00:19:56,616 --> 00:19:57,326
Oh, really?
327
00:19:57,327 --> 00:19:58,645
I'm in movies, too.
328
00:19:58,646 --> 00:20:02,784
Have you ever shown, uh,
um, "I Married Satan"?
329
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:03,915
No.
330
00:20:03,916 --> 00:20:06,873
How about the sequel,
"I Married Satan 2"?
331
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,563
No.
332
00:20:08,564 --> 00:20:10,823
Uh, hm.
333
00:20:10,824 --> 00:20:13,193
I, uh... I can only
play G rated movies.
334
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:13,894
Oh.
335
00:20:13,895 --> 00:20:16,133
Well, I mean, there's nothing
wrong with G-rated movies,
336
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,003
as long as there's lots
of sex and violence.
337
00:20:19,004 --> 00:20:21,312
Um, hey, listen,
Bob, I'm only going
338
00:20:21,313 --> 00:20:23,272
to be in town for a couple of days,
339
00:20:23,273 --> 00:20:25,731
and I can't think of anyone who I'd
340
00:20:25,732 --> 00:20:26,983
rather squeeze into my agenda.
341
00:20:30,711 --> 00:20:32,152
Gee, that'd be swell.
342
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:40,849
[CAR DOOR SLAMMING]
343
00:20:40,850 --> 00:20:42,680
[CAR STARTING]
344
00:20:53,909 --> 00:21:01,900
Oh, Mr. Talbot, your sister
was like a mother to me.
345
00:21:02,098 --> 00:21:04,356
She was a mother to me, too, dear.
346
00:21:04,357 --> 00:21:07,366
Well, now that we've dispensed
with the obligatory display
347
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:11,325
of bereavement, you may begin
the proceedings, Mr. Bigelow.
348
00:21:11,326 --> 00:21:15,025
Well, it was Mrs. Talbot's wish
to have all of her relatives
349
00:21:15,026 --> 00:21:16,465
present for the
reading of the will.
350
00:21:16,491 --> 00:21:19,244
All of her relatives are present.
351
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:22,713
Me, myself, and I.
352
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:26,024
[LAUGHING] Uh, well,
apparently Mrs.
353
00:21:26,025 --> 00:21:28,813
Talbot has a grand
niece Elvira, who
354
00:21:28,814 --> 00:21:31,133
is also one of the beneficiaries.
355
00:21:31,134 --> 00:21:32,243
That's impossible.
356
00:21:32,244 --> 00:21:33,652
Uh, well...
357
00:21:33,653 --> 00:21:37,622
Who is this grand niece?
358
00:21:37,623 --> 00:21:38,323
Hey, guys.
359
00:21:38,323 --> 00:21:39,093
Sorry I'm late.
360
00:21:39,094 --> 00:21:41,431
But then, so's my aunt.
361
00:21:41,432 --> 00:21:42,262
Hey, what did she die of?
362
00:21:42,263 --> 00:21:44,161
Nothing serious, I hope.
363
00:21:44,162 --> 00:21:45,381
Say, nice jacket.
364
00:21:45,382 --> 00:21:48,141
Who shot the couch?
365
00:21:48,142 --> 00:21:48,841
Uh...
366
00:21:48,842 --> 00:21:50,390
Hey, is there a
bathroom around here?
367
00:21:50,391 --> 00:21:52,349
I'm telling you, that
toilet over at the Cozy Cot
368
00:21:52,376 --> 00:21:54,270
looks like somebody's
science project.
369
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,749
Who is this woman?
370
00:21:56,750 --> 00:22:00,169
This must be Mrs.
Talbot's grand niece.
371
00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:05,498
Oh, Elvira, this is your great
aunt's brother, Vincent Talbot.
372
00:22:05,499 --> 00:22:08,807
She was my aunt, and
you're her brother,
373
00:22:08,808 --> 00:22:12,888
then you must be my Uncle Vinny!
374
00:22:12,889 --> 00:22:15,387
Get this woman off of me!
375
00:22:15,388 --> 00:22:18,937
Oh, and you must be
Auntie Em and Uncle Remus!
376
00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:20,766
Oh, there's no place like home!
377
00:22:20,767 --> 00:22:22,845
The There's no place like home!
378
00:22:22,846 --> 00:22:24,456
Hurry up, Bigelow.
379
00:22:24,457 --> 00:22:26,405
Let's get on with it.
380
00:22:26,406 --> 00:22:27,107
Yeah, really.
381
00:22:27,108 --> 00:22:29,416
Let's get going before
somebody else dies.
382
00:22:35,655 --> 00:22:38,793
Uh, this is the certified and
only last will and testament
383
00:22:38,794 --> 00:22:41,653
of the deceased Morgana Talbot.
384
00:22:41,654 --> 00:22:44,203
To my housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey,
385
00:22:44,204 --> 00:22:45,963
for years of loyalty and devotion,
386
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:50,182
I leave my silver tea service
and a cash allotment of $5,000.
387
00:22:50,183 --> 00:22:54,042
[SOBBING]
388
00:22:54,043 --> 00:22:55,601
Hey, babe, what are
you whining about?
389
00:22:55,628 --> 00:22:57,681
You made out like a bandit.
390
00:22:57,682 --> 00:23:00,991
To Mr. Morrissey,
my driver, I leave
391
00:23:00,992 --> 00:23:04,911
my automobile and an
allotment of $5,000.
392
00:23:04,912 --> 00:23:07,260
Wow, dude, $10,000
just for the help?
393
00:23:07,261 --> 00:23:09,679
That old gal must have
really been loaded!
394
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:14,799
Oh, I mean, dear, sweet Aunt
Morgana certainly was generous.
395
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:15,878
Oh, what's it say about me?
396
00:23:15,905 --> 00:23:19,959
What did I get?
397
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,828
To my grand niece Elvira.
398
00:23:21,829 --> 00:23:24,008
Come on, lay it on
me, Aunt Morgana.
399
00:23:24,009 --> 00:23:26,587
Big bucks, big bucks!
400
00:23:26,588 --> 00:23:32,317
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I bequeath
my house, my beloved poodle,
401
00:23:32,318 --> 00:23:35,796
Algonquin, and my
precious book of recipes.
402
00:23:35,797 --> 00:23:36,497
That's it?
403
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:40,306
A house, a dog, and a book?
404
00:23:40,307 --> 00:23:43,415
Please, if you will
allow me to finish.
405
00:23:43,416 --> 00:23:46,345
And finally, to my
dear brother Vincent,
406
00:23:46,346 --> 00:23:49,574
I leave the rest of my
estate and holdings,
407
00:23:49,575 --> 00:23:50,784
of which there is none.
408
00:23:50,785 --> 00:23:53,664
[GROWL]
409
00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:54,624
Where's the cash?
410
00:23:54,625 --> 00:23:57,044
Where's the furniture?
411
00:23:57,045 --> 00:23:58,044
Where's Bob Eubanks?
412
00:24:00,964 --> 00:24:03,612
He wasn't mentioned.
413
00:24:03,613 --> 00:24:04,822
I don't get it, man.
414
00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:05,523
Uh, boss.
415
00:24:05,524 --> 00:24:07,642
What's so important about
a dumb recipe book?
416
00:24:07,643 --> 00:24:11,361
That dumb recipe book
contains more power
417
00:24:11,362 --> 00:24:13,841
than your feeble little
minds can ever imagine,
418
00:24:13,842 --> 00:24:15,810
and it rightfully belongs to me.
419
00:24:15,811 --> 00:24:19,021
I must have that book!
420
00:24:19,022 --> 00:24:20,240
Great. Just what I need.
421
00:24:20,241 --> 00:24:20,962
A house.
422
00:24:20,963 --> 00:24:25,430
I need a house in Fallwell
like I need a padded bra.
423
00:24:25,431 --> 00:24:26,271
I can't live here!
424
00:24:26,272 --> 00:24:27,630
I'll go crazy, I tell you!
425
00:24:31,041 --> 00:24:32,040
Crazy!
426
00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:34,548
[HONKING]
427
00:24:34,549 --> 00:24:36,009
May I offer you a ride?
428
00:24:36,010 --> 00:24:36,890
Buzz off, creep.
429
00:24:36,890 --> 00:24:37,689
I'm not in the mood.
430
00:24:37,690 --> 00:24:39,617
Oh, it's you, Uncle Vinny.
431
00:24:39,618 --> 00:24:42,008
Yes.
432
00:24:42,009 --> 00:24:43,597
Uncle Vinny.
433
00:24:43,598 --> 00:24:46,087
I must apologize for my
behavior in the office.
434
00:24:46,088 --> 00:24:49,406
It's just that your appearance
was a bit of a shock to me.
435
00:24:49,407 --> 00:24:50,108
It's OK.
436
00:24:50,109 --> 00:24:51,947
My appearance is kind of
a shock to everybody.
437
00:24:51,974 --> 00:24:52,407
Yes.
438
00:24:52,408 --> 00:24:56,106
Well, as you may have surmised,
my sister and I... well,
439
00:24:56,107 --> 00:24:59,876
let's just say we had
our differences.
440
00:24:59,877 --> 00:25:01,275
Yeah, I guess.
441
00:25:01,276 --> 00:25:02,375
You really got shafted.
442
00:25:02,376 --> 00:25:03,604
Uh, look.
443
00:25:03,605 --> 00:25:05,095
I'll tell you what, Uncle Vinny.
444
00:25:05,096 --> 00:25:06,895
Um, I'll share my
inheritance with you.
445
00:25:06,896 --> 00:25:07,924
You can have the dog.
446
00:25:07,925 --> 00:25:08,885
No!
447
00:25:08,886 --> 00:25:10,763
Thank you.
448
00:25:10,764 --> 00:25:13,934
But I would be interested in
acquiring that recipe book.
449
00:25:13,935 --> 00:25:15,933
You know, for sentimental reasons.
450
00:25:15,934 --> 00:25:17,203
I'd be willing to pay you.
451
00:25:17,204 --> 00:25:18,913
Say, oh, $50.
452
00:25:18,914 --> 00:25:19,633
Hey, sure.
453
00:25:19,634 --> 00:25:21,232
I'll do it for $50.
454
00:25:21,233 --> 00:25:23,322
Oh!
455
00:25:23,323 --> 00:25:25,372
Vinny, you got
yourself a cookbook.
456
00:25:25,373 --> 00:25:27,282
That lawyer guy's taking me
over to the house, though.
457
00:25:27,283 --> 00:25:28,521
You can pick it up there later.
458
00:25:28,548 --> 00:25:29,023
Fine.
459
00:25:29,023 --> 00:25:29,812
I'll see you there.
460
00:25:29,813 --> 00:25:32,542
Oh, uh, don't forget
to bring the cash.
461
00:25:35,771 --> 00:25:37,170
Drive!
462
00:25:37,171 --> 00:25:39,870
(SINGING) If one of those
bottles should happen to fall,
463
00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:41,820
98... oh, we're here.
464
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:50,159
Hey, this place ain't half bad.
465
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,638
Bet you could get a bundle for it.
466
00:25:52,639 --> 00:25:54,268
Yes, you could.
467
00:25:54,269 --> 00:25:55,549
But your house is over there.
468
00:26:08,997 --> 00:26:11,996
Oh, Mr. Talbot, I just
wanted to thank you
469
00:26:11,997 --> 00:26:15,045
for that generous donation you
made to the Morality Club.
470
00:26:15,046 --> 00:26:15,896
You're quite welcome.
471
00:26:15,897 --> 00:26:18,995
You know, as I always
say, morals aren't cheap.
472
00:26:18,996 --> 00:26:21,554
And speaking of cheap,
uh, a little birdie
473
00:26:21,555 --> 00:26:25,284
told me that that Elvira
woman is related to you.
474
00:26:25,285 --> 00:26:28,813
Now, not that it's any of my
business, but then, of course,
475
00:26:28,814 --> 00:26:29,813
everything is.
476
00:26:29,814 --> 00:26:32,883
Believe me, I'm as anxious
to get rid of her as you are.
477
00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:33,693
Oh, good.
478
00:26:33,694 --> 00:26:35,203
You know, because someone like that
479
00:26:35,204 --> 00:26:37,452
comes to town, the
next thing you know,
480
00:26:37,453 --> 00:26:39,262
they're teaching sex
education in the schools
481
00:26:39,263 --> 00:26:41,591
and they're passing out
condoms to kindergartners.
482
00:26:41,592 --> 00:26:43,231
You remember when those
swarthy fellows...
483
00:26:43,257 --> 00:26:46,221
She won't be with us very long.
484
00:26:46,222 --> 00:26:46,922
Oh.
485
00:26:46,923 --> 00:26:54,890
Um, uh, why, uh... well, I
know I'm needed somewhere.
486
00:26:54,891 --> 00:26:56,111
Bye bye, now.
487
00:27:00,751 --> 00:27:01,750
Careful.
488
00:27:01,751 --> 00:27:02,909
Some of the boards are loose.
489
00:27:07,129 --> 00:27:08,548
What a dump.
490
00:27:08,549 --> 00:27:12,228
Like I said, the house
needs a little something.
491
00:27:12,229 --> 00:27:14,858
Yeah, like a wrecking ball.
492
00:27:14,859 --> 00:27:18,786
[BARKING]
493
00:27:18,787 --> 00:27:21,466
I think Algonquin likes you.
494
00:27:21,467 --> 00:27:22,197
Here, doggy.
495
00:27:22,197 --> 00:27:22,898
Go on.
496
00:27:22,899 --> 00:27:24,097
Go chase this into the street.
497
00:27:26,907 --> 00:27:28,545
I can't stand little dogs.
498
00:27:28,546 --> 00:27:30,436
Boy, if my aunt wasn't
dead, I'd kill her.
499
00:27:33,896 --> 00:27:35,784
Sorry, Aunt Morgana.
500
00:27:35,785 --> 00:27:36,784
Just kidding.
501
00:27:41,065 --> 00:27:44,323
Here's the rest of
your inheritance.
502
00:27:44,324 --> 00:27:45,964
Your great aunt's recipe book.
503
00:27:50,964 --> 00:27:51,983
Oh, yeah.
504
00:27:51,984 --> 00:27:52,993
Some inheritance.
505
00:27:52,994 --> 00:27:56,372
Well, at least I'm
getting $50 for it.
506
00:27:56,373 --> 00:27:58,791
Say, how much you think I
could get for this place?
507
00:27:58,792 --> 00:28:00,731
Well, even though the
house is in disrepair,
508
00:28:00,732 --> 00:28:02,691
it is in a prime location.
509
00:28:02,692 --> 00:28:05,941
I'd venture to say you
could get, um, $70,000.
510
00:28:05,942 --> 00:28:07,230
$70,000?
511
00:28:07,231 --> 00:28:08,960
Maybe more if it were fixed up.
512
00:28:08,961 --> 00:28:10,709
Would you be interested in selling?
513
00:28:10,710 --> 00:28:12,060
Does a chicken have a pecker?
514
00:28:12,061 --> 00:28:13,060
Of course I'm interested!
515
00:28:22,030 --> 00:28:23,639
Now, what am I gonna do with you?
516
00:28:33,938 --> 00:28:36,907
That's more like it, Algonquin.
517
00:28:36,908 --> 00:28:38,827
Algonquin.
518
00:28:38,828 --> 00:28:40,956
What a sissy name.
519
00:28:40,957 --> 00:28:43,346
Let's see, what do I call you?
520
00:28:43,347 --> 00:28:44,385
I know, Gonk.
521
00:28:44,386 --> 00:28:46,365
How do you like that?
522
00:28:46,366 --> 00:28:48,346
[GROWLING]
523
00:28:51,826 --> 00:28:55,783
[BARKING]
524
00:28:55,784 --> 00:28:57,773
[KNOCKING]
525
00:28:57,774 --> 00:28:59,293
Yeah, hold your horses.
526
00:28:59,294 --> 00:29:03,103
[KNOCKING]
527
00:29:03,104 --> 00:29:04,163
Hi, Uncle Vinny.
528
00:29:04,164 --> 00:29:05,443
You're here for the book, right?
529
00:29:05,469 --> 00:29:06,923
Come on in.
530
00:29:06,924 --> 00:29:08,722
Oh, can I make you a cup
of tea or something?
531
00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:10,522
I wouldn't want to put
you to any trouble.
532
00:29:10,523 --> 00:29:12,202
Mm, good point.
533
00:29:12,203 --> 00:29:14,222
I can't stay very long anyway.
534
00:29:14,223 --> 00:29:16,701
Say, you wouldn't want to
buy a house, would you?
535
00:29:16,702 --> 00:29:17,632
I'm afraid not.
536
00:29:17,633 --> 00:29:18,991
I'll sell it to you really cheap.
537
00:29:19,018 --> 00:29:20,161
Uh, no thank you.
538
00:29:20,162 --> 00:29:22,120
Vinny, they don't make
houses like this anymore.
539
00:29:22,147 --> 00:29:23,780
I mean, look at the detailing.
540
00:29:23,781 --> 00:29:27,200
Look... look at the craftsmanship.
541
00:29:27,201 --> 00:29:29,280
What would you pay for
a house like this?
542
00:29:29,281 --> 00:29:31,349
Don't answer, because you
not only get a house.
543
00:29:31,350 --> 00:29:32,839
If you act right now, you also get
544
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,349
all this beautiful furniture!
545
00:29:34,350 --> 00:29:35,528
Now what would you pay?
546
00:29:35,529 --> 00:29:36,888
I'm telling you, it's a jewel box.
547
00:29:36,915 --> 00:29:37,479
A gem.
548
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,578
A love hutch for two.
549
00:29:38,579 --> 00:29:40,078
I'd bend over backwards
to make you a deal.
550
00:29:40,079 --> 00:29:41,188
I'll bend over forwards.
551
00:29:41,189 --> 00:29:42,878
Why, I'd stand on my
head and eat a bug.
552
00:29:42,879 --> 00:29:44,279
I... No!
553
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,027
Just the book.
554
00:29:47,028 --> 00:29:47,728
OK.
555
00:29:47,729 --> 00:29:51,197
I mean, if you're gonna
get crabby about it.
556
00:29:51,198 --> 00:29:53,137
[CREAK]
557
00:29:57,308 --> 00:29:58,307
That's weird.
558
00:29:58,308 --> 00:30:00,856
I would've sworn the book
was just on that table.
559
00:30:00,857 --> 00:30:02,695
You promised me that book.
560
00:30:02,696 --> 00:30:04,325
Hey, don't get your
panties in a bunch.
561
00:30:04,326 --> 00:30:06,714
It didn't just walk away.
562
00:30:06,715 --> 00:30:07,615
I'm sure it'll turn up.
563
00:30:07,616 --> 00:30:09,744
Yes!
564
00:30:09,745 --> 00:30:12,414
Of course it will.
565
00:30:12,415 --> 00:30:13,414
Forgive me.
566
00:30:16,344 --> 00:30:17,824
[BARKING]
567
00:30:17,825 --> 00:30:19,782
[GROWLING]
568
00:30:19,783 --> 00:30:22,233
He thinks he's a pit bull.
569
00:30:22,234 --> 00:30:24,692
[GROWLING]
570
00:30:24,693 --> 00:30:28,133
[LIGHTNING]
571
00:30:33,852 --> 00:30:35,690
Good thing I'm not gonna
be here very long.
572
00:30:35,691 --> 00:30:37,290
The neighbors would
never get any sleep.
573
00:30:45,192 --> 00:30:46,190
About time, doofus.
574
00:30:46,191 --> 00:30:48,529
Did you bring the camera?
575
00:30:48,530 --> 00:30:49,999
Do I look like an idiot?
576
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,089
Do you really want
me to answer that?
577
00:30:52,090 --> 00:30:53,070
Shut up, you guys.
578
00:30:53,071 --> 00:30:54,539
She's gonna hear us.
579
00:31:04,727 --> 00:31:07,117
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's
580
00:31:07,118 --> 00:31:11,696
the most drop dead
gorgeous one of all?
581
00:31:11,697 --> 00:31:13,487
Oh, you're just saying that.
582
00:31:16,967 --> 00:31:18,956
[THUNDER]
583
00:31:33,364 --> 00:31:35,854
What do you see?
584
00:31:35,855 --> 00:31:37,843
In a minute, in a minute!
585
00:31:37,844 --> 00:31:39,332
Ow, my fingers!
586
00:31:39,333 --> 00:31:40,823
Guys, I can't see a thing!
587
00:31:40,824 --> 00:31:41,822
In a minute!
588
00:31:46,083 --> 00:31:47,081
Whoa.
589
00:31:52,751 --> 00:31:54,741
Hey, don't drop me!
590
00:32:00,202 --> 00:32:01,200
Ow!
591
00:32:01,201 --> 00:32:03,180
What do you see?
592
00:32:14,409 --> 00:32:15,407
Awesome!
593
00:32:19,088 --> 00:32:20,087
I gotcha.
594
00:32:26,047 --> 00:32:30,515
[SCREAMING]
595
00:32:30,516 --> 00:32:33,015
Haven't you boys got someplace
else to hang around?
596
00:32:33,016 --> 00:32:37,045
I heard you might need a little
help fixing up the place.
597
00:32:37,046 --> 00:32:38,754
That's very thoughtful,
but why don't you
598
00:32:38,755 --> 00:32:40,564
come back when the light's better?
599
00:32:40,565 --> 00:32:42,854
Good night.
600
00:32:42,855 --> 00:32:47,313
[SCREAMING]
601
00:32:47,314 --> 00:32:48,633
You blew it!
602
00:32:48,634 --> 00:32:49,913
Did you see those gazongas?
603
00:32:49,914 --> 00:32:51,023
I saw them.
604
00:32:51,024 --> 00:32:51,723
I got it!
605
00:32:51,724 --> 00:32:53,693
All right!
606
00:32:53,694 --> 00:32:55,182
Yeah!
607
00:32:55,183 --> 00:32:57,173
[THUNDER]
608
00:33:03,382 --> 00:33:04,381
FEMALE SPEAKER: Elvira.
609
00:33:08,431 --> 00:33:09,430
Elvira.
610
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:21,879
Elvira.
611
00:33:31,829 --> 00:33:32,828
Elvira.
612
00:34:02,404 --> 00:34:05,394
[SCREAMING]
613
00:34:16,843 --> 00:34:18,631
Oh, out, out, out!
614
00:34:18,632 --> 00:34:19,631
Out!
615
00:34:29,570 --> 00:34:31,570
[THUNDER]
616
00:34:41,871 --> 00:34:42,869
Hi, Elvira.
617
00:34:42,869 --> 00:34:43,799
Hi.
618
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,128
Oh, h you're here.
619
00:34:45,129 --> 00:34:46,687
Richie's folks run
the hardware store.
620
00:34:46,714 --> 00:34:48,747
And we got lots of paint.
621
00:34:48,748 --> 00:34:49,448
Oh, do you?
622
00:34:49,449 --> 00:34:51,317
Too bad they don't own the bank.
623
00:34:51,318 --> 00:34:52,757
Uh, I'll be right down.
624
00:34:55,358 --> 00:34:56,357
Let's do it.
625
00:34:56,358 --> 00:34:58,217
[MUSIC - THE ISLEY
BROTHERS, "SHOUT"]
626
00:35:02,597 --> 00:35:03,596
Hey, Elvira!
627
00:35:03,597 --> 00:35:05,685
We got us a couple more volunteers.
628
00:35:05,686 --> 00:35:06,386
Great!
629
00:35:06,387 --> 00:35:08,495
Just grab a tool and start banging.
630
00:35:20,464 --> 00:35:21,963
Hi, Elvira.
631
00:35:21,964 --> 00:35:22,963
Hi, Robin.
632
00:35:22,964 --> 00:35:23,964
Come on in.
633
00:35:28,953 --> 00:35:32,862
Randy, can you hand me that rag?
634
00:35:32,863 --> 00:35:34,511
Randy!
635
00:35:34,512 --> 00:35:35,741
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
636
00:35:35,742 --> 00:35:36,740
Sure.
637
00:35:41,251 --> 00:35:44,150
Young lady!
638
00:35:44,151 --> 00:35:47,739
Robin Meeker, what in
tarnation are you doing here?
639
00:35:47,740 --> 00:35:49,810
You're gonna pay dearly!
640
00:35:49,811 --> 00:35:50,510
Robin!
641
00:35:50,511 --> 00:35:52,688
I'm going to find out
about this, young lady!
642
00:35:52,689 --> 00:35:53,390
Robin!
643
00:35:53,391 --> 00:35:54,488
Come over here!
644
00:35:54,489 --> 00:35:57,438
When are you going to learn
to do what you're told?
645
00:35:57,439 --> 00:35:59,237
You're going to learn
to do what you're told.
646
00:36:20,016 --> 00:36:21,015
Lemonade!
647
00:36:30,115 --> 00:36:32,094
It's fabulous!
648
00:36:32,095 --> 00:36:35,564
[CHEERING]
649
00:36:39,114 --> 00:36:41,322
I tell you, I nearly died.
650
00:36:41,323 --> 00:36:44,952
There she was, parading around
in clothes that couldn't
651
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:46,922
keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle.
652
00:36:46,923 --> 00:36:49,721
I mean, it was next to nothing.
653
00:36:49,722 --> 00:36:52,511
I'd say it was next to plenty.
654
00:36:52,512 --> 00:36:54,710
And she had half the
teenagers in town
655
00:36:54,711 --> 00:36:58,150
writhing around to
that jungle music.
656
00:36:58,151 --> 00:37:01,760
And this morning, on my regular
tour of the boys' lavatory,
657
00:37:01,761 --> 00:37:02,760
I confiscated this.
658
00:37:10,369 --> 00:37:12,869
I'll be making the
announcement this afternoon.
659
00:37:12,870 --> 00:37:17,487
Henceforth, all students will be
subject to immediate expulsion
660
00:37:17,488 --> 00:37:21,327
if they are found in the
company of that floozy!
661
00:37:21,328 --> 00:37:22,028
Please.
662
00:37:22,029 --> 00:37:25,217
I don't think we need to
resort to name calling.
663
00:37:25,218 --> 00:37:28,757
I think what Calvin is trying
to say is that this Elvira is
664
00:37:28,758 --> 00:37:33,936
a person of easy virtue, a
purveyor of pulchritude, a one
665
00:37:33,937 --> 00:37:36,045
woman Sodom and
Gomorrah, if you will.
666
00:37:36,046 --> 00:37:39,965
A slimy, slithering succubus!
667
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:45,994
A concubine, a street walker, a
tramp, a slut, a cheap whore!
668
00:37:45,995 --> 00:37:47,683
She'll be nothing but a bad dream
669
00:37:47,684 --> 00:37:49,383
just as soon as she
sells that property.
670
00:37:49,384 --> 00:37:51,462
An open house has already
been planned for tomorrow.
671
00:37:51,489 --> 00:37:54,542
What... what if she
decides not to sell?
672
00:37:54,543 --> 00:37:56,642
What if she decides to settle here?
673
00:37:56,643 --> 00:37:59,572
Well, if she's morally
unfit, then we
674
00:37:59,573 --> 00:38:01,472
have every right to do anything we
675
00:38:01,473 --> 00:38:02,922
can to get her out of this town.
676
00:38:02,923 --> 00:38:03,833
Are we agreed?
677
00:38:03,833 --> 00:38:04,532
Absolutely.
678
00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:05,232
Hear, hear.
679
00:38:05,233 --> 00:38:07,871
Maybe we're not being
entirely objective about this!
680
00:38:07,872 --> 00:38:09,740
Shut up, Leslie!
681
00:38:09,741 --> 00:38:10,740
Then it's unanimous.
682
00:38:13,651 --> 00:38:16,739
Carol [INAUDIBLE],
Fallwell Real Estate.
683
00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:18,300
Boy, I sure hope
you've got a buyer.
684
00:38:18,301 --> 00:38:21,499
I haven't had so much
as a lookie loo.
685
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:22,499
Don't worry.
686
00:38:24,860 --> 00:38:26,779
I have some wealthy
investor friends
687
00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:28,298
that would buy this
house in a minute.
688
00:38:28,325 --> 00:38:31,218
That is, if you play
your cards right.
689
00:38:31,219 --> 00:38:34,868
Oh, honey, I'd do anything
to get rid of this rat trap.
690
00:38:34,869 --> 00:38:35,648
That's what I like.
691
00:38:35,649 --> 00:38:36,867
A motivated seller.
692
00:38:36,868 --> 00:38:39,606
It's all a matter of technique.
693
00:38:39,607 --> 00:38:45,516
For starters, let's try
and set the proper mood.
694
00:38:45,517 --> 00:38:46,585
Oh, good idea.
695
00:38:46,586 --> 00:38:50,365
I mean, the less they
see, the better.
696
00:38:50,366 --> 00:38:52,645
It's usually a matter of
getting close to the buyer.
697
00:38:52,646 --> 00:38:54,523
Tell them all about the
potential appreciation,
698
00:38:54,550 --> 00:38:58,925
and guide him through
every nook and cranny.
699
00:38:58,926 --> 00:39:01,934
Slowly unveil everything
from the balcony
700
00:39:01,935 --> 00:39:04,423
to the basement, one
area at a time.
701
00:39:04,424 --> 00:39:07,193
Then, when he's so enthralled
he's ready to burst,
702
00:39:07,194 --> 00:39:09,263
you clinch the deal!
703
00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:09,964
Ow!
704
00:39:09,965 --> 00:39:11,402
You'll be sorry!
705
00:39:11,403 --> 00:39:15,731
You'll never sell this
place without me!
706
00:39:15,732 --> 00:39:20,012
Just because this house is up
for grabs doesn't mean I am!
707
00:39:20,013 --> 00:39:21,571
[BARKING]
708
00:39:21,572 --> 00:39:23,902
Get this dog off me!
709
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:28,281
Get back!
710
00:39:28,282 --> 00:39:29,281
Get out of here!
711
00:39:53,928 --> 00:39:55,898
[PHONE RINGING]
712
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,916
Calm down, Manny, she says!
713
00:40:04,917 --> 00:40:07,555
I've got the Flamingo breathing
down my neck to cough up
714
00:40:07,556 --> 00:40:09,274
the dough to hold that
showroom, and you're
715
00:40:09,301 --> 00:40:10,265
telling me to calm down?
716
00:40:10,266 --> 00:40:12,654
I told you, I'll come
up with the money!
717
00:40:12,655 --> 00:40:16,404
Heck, I was just six inches
from selling this house today.
718
00:40:16,405 --> 00:40:20,293
Look, kid, you better get
that money here pronto,
719
00:40:20,294 --> 00:40:22,193
or you're through, you hear me?
720
00:40:22,194 --> 00:40:25,603
The only m room you'll see in
Vegas will have Toyotas in it!
721
00:40:36,893 --> 00:40:41,871
And now I understand she
is out looking for a job?
722
00:40:41,872 --> 00:40:44,732
[TALKING IN FAST FORWARD]
723
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,419
There she is.
724
00:40:51,420 --> 00:40:53,389
Mm.
725
00:40:53,390 --> 00:40:54,389
Let's go.
726
00:40:58,329 --> 00:41:01,789
[TALKING IN FAST FORWARD]
727
00:41:17,107 --> 00:41:19,685
There's no book upstairs,
but I found these panties.
728
00:41:19,686 --> 00:41:20,486
Try one.
729
00:41:20,487 --> 00:41:21,486
They're edible.
730
00:41:23,967 --> 00:41:26,464
Mm!
731
00:41:26,465 --> 00:41:27,955
Mmph!
732
00:41:27,956 --> 00:41:31,334
Now keep looking.
733
00:41:31,335 --> 00:41:33,774
[GROWLING]
734
00:41:33,775 --> 00:41:37,194
[BARKING]
735
00:41:47,463 --> 00:41:50,321
Excuses, excuses.
736
00:41:50,322 --> 00:41:52,671
We turned the place inside out.
737
00:41:52,672 --> 00:41:53,372
Yeah.
738
00:41:53,373 --> 00:41:55,660
And tell him about the dog.
739
00:41:55,661 --> 00:41:57,739
Well, it must have been the
size of a water buffalo.
740
00:41:57,766 --> 00:41:58,765
Quiet!
741
00:42:01,011 --> 00:42:03,320
Now listen to me very carefully.
742
00:42:03,321 --> 00:42:04,679
I want you to go to the courthouse
743
00:42:04,706 --> 00:42:06,860
and remove all the records
of the town ordinances
744
00:42:06,861 --> 00:42:08,029
and bring them back to me.
745
00:42:08,030 --> 00:42:10,209
Do you understand?
746
00:42:10,210 --> 00:42:12,159
Yeah.
747
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:13,439
Then get out!
748
00:42:24,078 --> 00:42:26,038
[TALKING IN FAST FORWARD]
749
00:42:29,958 --> 00:42:32,896
Oh.
750
00:42:32,897 --> 00:42:34,857
[HONKING]
751
00:42:43,656 --> 00:42:44,655
Ow!
752
00:42:44,656 --> 00:42:46,434
Oh my gosh, Elvira!
753
00:42:46,435 --> 00:42:47,934
I'm sorry!
754
00:42:47,935 --> 00:42:49,944
Are you all right?
755
00:42:49,945 --> 00:42:50,815
Yeah, I think so.
756
00:42:50,816 --> 00:42:51,884
How's your head?
757
00:42:51,885 --> 00:42:54,783
I haven't had any complaints yet.
758
00:42:54,784 --> 00:42:56,713
Excuse me?
759
00:42:56,714 --> 00:42:59,292
Uh, I think I'll live.
760
00:42:59,293 --> 00:43:00,492
Believe me, it's not
the worst thing
761
00:43:00,493 --> 00:43:01,423
that's happened to me today.
762
00:43:01,424 --> 00:43:03,012
I've been to every
place in this town,
763
00:43:03,013 --> 00:43:04,212
and no one will give me a job.
764
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,982
It's... it's like it's a
conspiracy or something.
765
00:43:07,983 --> 00:43:10,501
You know what your problem is?
766
00:43:10,502 --> 00:43:11,861
Chastity Pariah.
767
00:43:11,862 --> 00:43:14,640
Ooh, I thought that cleared up.
768
00:43:14,641 --> 00:43:15,921
No, Chastity Pariah.
769
00:43:15,922 --> 00:43:16,732
She's the old biddy.
770
00:43:16,733 --> 00:43:18,790
She's got the whole town
turned against you.
771
00:43:18,791 --> 00:43:19,490
Oh, swell.
772
00:43:19,491 --> 00:43:24,179
So now no one'll hire me,
and I'm flat busted!
773
00:43:24,180 --> 00:43:27,518
No, I mean I'm broke.
774
00:43:27,519 --> 00:43:30,168
I'd hire you if I could, but
I'm barely making enough money
775
00:43:30,169 --> 00:43:31,598
to stay in business as it is.
776
00:43:31,599 --> 00:43:32,379
Duh.
777
00:43:32,379 --> 00:43:33,079
Not surprised.
778
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:37,078
I mean, who wants to pay to see
some quack making duck calls?
779
00:43:37,079 --> 00:43:40,857
And besides that, Bob, you
got an extra E in matinee.
780
00:43:40,858 --> 00:43:41,557
No I don't.
781
00:43:41,558 --> 00:43:43,217
That's how you spell it.
782
00:43:43,218 --> 00:43:45,266
Uh, Bob, I'm in show business.
783
00:43:45,267 --> 00:43:46,718
I think I know how
to spell matinee.
784
00:43:57,776 --> 00:44:00,725
Oh!
785
00:44:00,726 --> 00:44:02,204
[SWOON]
786
00:44:02,205 --> 00:44:04,185
[SCREAM]
787
00:44:09,604 --> 00:44:13,033
Oh, Bob, how can I ever repay you?
788
00:44:13,034 --> 00:44:16,703
Here, let me try.
789
00:44:16,704 --> 00:44:17,704
You witch!
790
00:44:28,202 --> 00:44:29,911
I guess I better get back to work.
791
00:44:29,912 --> 00:44:31,530
The matinee's going to start soon.
792
00:44:31,531 --> 00:44:35,130
Oh, yeah, I can see the
crowds lining up now.
793
00:44:35,131 --> 00:44:37,609
Bobby, baby, you are
going to go broke
794
00:44:37,610 --> 00:44:40,859
showing turkeys like these.
795
00:44:40,860 --> 00:44:43,428
You got a better idea?
796
00:44:43,429 --> 00:44:46,869
It just so happens that I
have some of the classic films
797
00:44:46,870 --> 00:44:50,637
of all time in the trunk of my car.
798
00:44:50,638 --> 00:44:52,919
As a matter of fact...
799
00:45:34,813 --> 00:45:42,221
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
800
00:45:42,222 --> 00:45:47,160
He who holds the book of sight,
when the moon is drained of all
801
00:45:47,161 --> 00:45:52,360
its light, will then be ruler of
the night, master of the dark.
802
00:45:55,060 --> 00:46:00,879
The lunar eclipse, Morgana,
is less than a week away.
803
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:04,099
When the moon is drained
of all its light.
804
00:46:09,958 --> 00:46:13,787
There's nothing you can do!
805
00:46:13,788 --> 00:46:16,586
You're dead, and I'm not!
806
00:46:16,587 --> 00:46:20,037
[CACKLING]
807
00:46:32,826 --> 00:46:34,254
Oh, there you are.
808
00:46:34,255 --> 00:46:37,004
I have been looking all
over for you guys.
809
00:46:37,005 --> 00:46:39,333
You are not going to
believe the good news.
810
00:46:39,334 --> 00:46:42,622
Yours truly is hosting a
special midnight screening
811
00:46:42,623 --> 00:46:46,883
at Bob's Theater of one of
the worst movies ever made.
812
00:46:46,884 --> 00:46:49,532
I mean, it is bad.
813
00:46:49,533 --> 00:46:52,132
You know, like bad as in bad.
814
00:46:52,133 --> 00:46:56,221
Like, I'm bad, Jamal, you know it.
815
00:46:56,222 --> 00:46:58,011
Hey, what is this?
816
00:46:58,012 --> 00:46:59,941
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?
817
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:01,650
Two days ago, we
were bosom buddies.
818
00:47:01,651 --> 00:47:02,901
It's the principal.
819
00:47:02,902 --> 00:47:04,580
You're darn right,
it's a principle.
820
00:47:04,581 --> 00:47:06,090
Friends oughta stick together.
821
00:47:06,091 --> 00:47:07,100
No.
822
00:47:07,101 --> 00:47:08,339
I mean the principal, Mr. Cobb.
823
00:47:08,366 --> 00:47:11,259
He'd kill us if we
went to your show.
824
00:47:11,260 --> 00:47:12,739
Not to mention our parents.
825
00:47:12,740 --> 00:47:14,039
Kill your parents, too?
826
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:14,740
No.
827
00:47:14,741 --> 00:47:19,118
Our parents would never let
us stay out that late.
828
00:47:19,119 --> 00:47:19,819
Oh.
829
00:47:19,820 --> 00:47:22,158
I see.
830
00:47:22,159 --> 00:47:24,457
Well, the last thing I want to do
831
00:47:24,458 --> 00:47:26,577
is get you guys in any trouble.
832
00:47:26,578 --> 00:47:31,777
I mean, so what if it blows my
only chance at making a living?
833
00:47:31,778 --> 00:47:34,466
That's not your problem.
834
00:47:34,467 --> 00:47:38,756
And if I get so depressed I wind up
835
00:47:38,757 --> 00:47:41,575
hanging myself in the oven, hey!
836
00:47:41,576 --> 00:47:43,526
Those are the breaks.
837
00:47:46,445 --> 00:47:48,795
And if they ever ask
about me, tell them
838
00:47:48,796 --> 00:47:50,674
I was more than just a
great set of boobs.
839
00:47:50,675 --> 00:47:54,994
I was also an incredible
pair of legs.
840
00:47:54,995 --> 00:48:00,993
And tell them... tell them that
I never turned down a friend.
841
00:48:00,994 --> 00:48:04,212
That I never turned down a
stranger, for that matter.
842
00:48:04,213 --> 00:48:07,282
And tell them... tell them that
when all is said and done,
843
00:48:07,283 --> 00:48:10,132
I only ask that people remember
me by two simple words.
844
00:48:14,561 --> 00:48:17,490
Any two, as long as they're simple.
845
00:48:17,491 --> 00:48:20,821
[CRYING]
846
00:48:24,141 --> 00:48:26,979
We all decide to help
Elvira, what can Cobb do?
847
00:48:26,980 --> 00:48:30,049
He can expel us all.
848
00:48:30,050 --> 00:48:34,199
I don't know about the rest
of you, but I'll be there.
849
00:48:38,458 --> 00:48:39,457
Me too.
850
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:42,267
Count on me.
851
00:48:42,268 --> 00:48:43,667
We're sorry, Elvira.
852
00:48:43,668 --> 00:48:47,606
We'll all come to your show.
853
00:48:47,607 --> 00:48:48,956
Great!
854
00:48:48,957 --> 00:48:50,996
12:00 sharp.
855
00:48:50,997 --> 00:48:52,476
Be there or be square.
856
00:48:55,426 --> 00:48:57,705
All right, 12:30, my old man's
out watching [INAUDIBLE].
857
00:48:57,731 --> 00:49:00,152
[WHISPERING]
858
00:49:29,611 --> 00:49:31,571
[GRUNTING]
859
00:49:34,091 --> 00:49:35,090
Oof!
860
00:49:53,438 --> 00:49:55,428
[RIP]
861
00:50:19,776 --> 00:50:21,264
Oh, that looks great!
862
00:50:21,265 --> 00:50:22,035
You really like it?
863
00:50:22,035 --> 00:50:22,735
Yeah!
864
00:50:22,736 --> 00:50:24,293
Elvira, where do you want this?
865
00:50:24,294 --> 00:50:25,704
Just right up there.
866
00:50:25,705 --> 00:50:26,404
OK.
867
00:50:26,405 --> 00:50:27,744
What's the bucket for?
868
00:50:27,745 --> 00:50:30,333
I tell you, oh, it's so cool!
869
00:50:30,334 --> 00:50:32,582
This is the part that I
ripped off... uh, I mean,
870
00:50:32,583 --> 00:50:35,002
that was inspired by Flashdance.
871
00:50:35,003 --> 00:50:40,092
I reach up, I pull this
rope, and my entire body
872
00:50:40,093 --> 00:50:42,261
is covered in gold glitter!
873
00:50:42,262 --> 00:50:43,192
Could you die?
874
00:50:43,193 --> 00:50:44,491
Oh, all right.
875
00:50:44,492 --> 00:50:45,810
Oh, God, I'm telling you, that's
876
00:50:45,837 --> 00:50:47,556
a guaranteed standing ovulation.
877
00:51:16,038 --> 00:51:18,516
You're late.
878
00:51:18,517 --> 00:51:22,006
Where t guy gets pureed!
879
00:51:22,007 --> 00:51:23,076
Don't worry.
880
00:51:23,077 --> 00:51:23,777
They're Italian.
881
00:51:23,778 --> 00:51:25,616
They'll wind up making a
great marinara sauce.
882
00:51:32,696 --> 00:51:33,695
Ronnie?
883
00:51:36,395 --> 00:51:39,884
Is that you?
884
00:51:39,885 --> 00:51:41,383
Man.
885
00:51:41,384 --> 00:51:44,873
Oh, this is where the heroine
gets grabbed by the tomatoes!
886
00:51:44,874 --> 00:51:45,874
I can't look!
887
00:52:00,342 --> 00:52:02,341
[SCREAMING]
888
00:52:13,310 --> 00:52:16,109
Oh, boy, this ending's
so bad the tomatoes ought
889
00:52:16,110 --> 00:52:21,578
to start throwing rotten
people at the screen.
890
00:52:21,579 --> 00:52:23,578
[APPLAUSE]
891
00:52:30,548 --> 00:52:33,536
OK, don't anybody move, because
the best is yet to come.
892
00:52:33,537 --> 00:52:39,505
Ladies and dobermans, it's
time for the grand finale!
893
00:52:39,506 --> 00:52:41,496
[MUSIC - MICHAEL SEMBELLO,
"SHE'S A MANIAC"]
894
00:53:32,290 --> 00:53:34,279
[MUSIC STOPS]
895
00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:44,237
[SPUTTERING]
896
00:53:44,238 --> 00:53:45,737
[CACKLING]
897
00:53:45,738 --> 00:53:47,027
Patty!
898
00:53:47,028 --> 00:53:48,027
Ugh!
899
00:53:55,697 --> 00:54:00,085
I have never been so
humiliated in my entire life!
900
00:54:00,086 --> 00:54:04,115
Just wait until I get
my hands on that Patty.
901
00:54:04,116 --> 00:54:07,154
I'm going to rip every single
bleach blonde hair out
902
00:54:07,155 --> 00:54:09,194
of her scalp, gouge
out her eyeballs,
903
00:54:09,195 --> 00:54:11,944
and use her head for
a bowling ball!
904
00:54:11,945 --> 00:54:15,583
I'm telling you, they are
not gonna get away with it!
905
00:54:15,584 --> 00:54:18,273
That barf bag Chastity
blacklisting me out of a job,
906
00:54:18,274 --> 00:54:20,992
and that sleazeoid of a
high school principal
907
00:54:20,993 --> 00:54:23,032
turning all the kids against me!
908
00:54:23,033 --> 00:54:26,252
And that bench sniffing
real estate letch,
909
00:54:26,253 --> 00:54:29,061
trying to get his
commission in the sack!
910
00:54:29,062 --> 00:54:30,791
I'll get even with
every one of them
911
00:54:30,792 --> 00:54:32,362
if it's the last thing I do!
912
00:54:39,671 --> 00:54:41,720
What's that perfume
you're wearing?
913
00:54:41,721 --> 00:54:42,870
Super unleaded.
914
00:54:42,871 --> 00:54:43,870
Don't smoke.
915
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:53,958
Well, here's to my big opening.
916
00:54:53,959 --> 00:54:57,398
I mean... oh, forget it.
917
00:55:02,748 --> 00:55:04,697
[GASP]
918
00:55:04,698 --> 00:55:06,656
Uh, don't you kids think
it's past your bedtime?
919
00:55:06,657 --> 00:55:07,357
Oh, heck no.
920
00:55:07,358 --> 00:55:09,616
I'm not tired... ouch!
921
00:55:09,617 --> 00:55:12,886
It is getting awfully late.
922
00:55:12,887 --> 00:55:13,586
Yeah.
923
00:55:13,587 --> 00:55:15,585
We'd better be going.
924
00:55:15,586 --> 00:55:17,326
Yep, well, see you dudes tomorrow.
925
00:55:52,901 --> 00:55:53,900
Ow!
926
00:55:57,580 --> 00:55:59,620
There's the darn recipe book.
927
00:55:59,621 --> 00:56:01,269
How'd it get under there?
928
00:56:01,270 --> 00:56:03,220
[WHINING]
929
00:56:07,119 --> 00:56:08,858
Oh, that reminds me, I'm starving.
930
00:56:08,859 --> 00:56:12,257
Mm, me too.
931
00:56:12,258 --> 00:56:14,107
Uh, let's go get something to eat.
932
00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,266
There's an all night truck
stop out on the interstate.
933
00:56:16,293 --> 00:56:18,257
No no no no no no no, Bob.
934
00:56:18,258 --> 00:56:20,336
I've got a better idea.
935
00:56:20,337 --> 00:56:23,566
Why don't you set the table while I
936
00:56:23,567 --> 00:56:25,576
see what I can whip
up in the kitchen?
937
00:56:32,676 --> 00:56:34,905
My aunt sure had lousy penmanship.
938
00:56:34,906 --> 00:56:38,284
I can't read a word of this stuff.
939
00:56:38,285 --> 00:56:39,803
Looks like it was
written in some kind
940
00:56:39,830 --> 00:56:43,634
of foreign language or something.
941
00:56:43,635 --> 00:56:45,604
Hey, wait, look at this.
942
00:56:45,605 --> 00:56:48,273
Adraka Kozerol.
943
00:56:48,274 --> 00:56:49,933
Kozerol.
944
00:56:49,934 --> 00:56:51,083
Oh, casserole!
945
00:56:51,084 --> 00:56:52,962
Hm, that sounds good.
946
00:56:52,963 --> 00:56:53,664
OK, let's see.
947
00:56:53,665 --> 00:56:55,082
What does it say here?
948
00:56:55,083 --> 00:56:56,082
One edreziba.
949
00:56:58,174 --> 00:56:59,172
Huh.
950
00:56:59,173 --> 00:57:01,282
Wonder where she keeps the
edreziba around here.
951
00:57:08,692 --> 00:57:12,750
Whoa, this is some spice rack.
952
00:57:12,751 --> 00:57:14,349
Tramazul.
953
00:57:14,350 --> 00:57:17,089
Columbra, corderox.
954
00:57:17,090 --> 00:57:19,329
Ah, here it is.
955
00:57:19,330 --> 00:57:20,328
Edreziba.
956
00:57:27,169 --> 00:57:28,168
One edreziba.
957
00:57:33,968 --> 00:57:35,357
OK, one half of a lemgra.
958
00:57:39,527 --> 00:57:42,606
Ugh, looks like the
lemgra went bad.
959
00:57:42,607 --> 00:57:46,115
I don't know, it says it's
good until June of next year.
960
00:57:46,116 --> 00:57:46,896
What the heck?
961
00:57:46,897 --> 00:57:49,695
I got a cast iron stomach.
962
00:57:49,696 --> 00:57:51,304
OK then, let's see.
963
00:57:51,305 --> 00:57:53,154
Two to three golitra.
964
00:57:53,155 --> 00:57:54,154
Golitra.
965
00:57:56,575 --> 00:57:57,574
Uh, let's see.
966
00:57:57,574 --> 00:57:58,573
One corderox.
967
00:58:09,514 --> 00:58:10,513
Mm.
968
00:58:10,514 --> 00:58:12,371
Doesn't smell too bad.
969
00:58:12,372 --> 00:58:15,003
But it looks like caca doo doo.
970
00:58:41,390 --> 00:58:42,389
There.
971
00:58:42,390 --> 00:58:43,599
That's much better.
972
00:58:50,828 --> 00:58:51,827
It's soup!
973
00:58:56,977 --> 00:58:58,276
Mm, smells great.
974
00:58:58,277 --> 00:58:58,977
What is it?
975
00:58:58,978 --> 00:59:02,365
Oh, it's just a little
something I conjured up.
976
00:59:02,366 --> 00:59:03,365
Oh.
977
00:59:06,265 --> 00:59:08,504
Allow me.
978
00:59:08,505 --> 00:59:10,365
Thank you ever so much.
979
00:59:13,155 --> 00:59:18,033
Well, I hope you're hungry,
'cause here's dinner.
980
00:59:18,034 --> 00:59:20,023
[GROWLING]
981
00:59:20,024 --> 00:59:23,492
[SCREAMING]
982
00:59:23,493 --> 00:59:26,963
[ROARING]
983
00:59:58,699 --> 01:00:01,678
The switch, Bob, the switch!
984
01:00:01,679 --> 01:00:05,148
[GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHIRRING]
985
01:00:17,056 --> 01:00:20,095
First time I was ever an
appetizer for the main course.
986
01:00:20,096 --> 01:00:21,474
Where'd you learn how to cook?
987
01:00:21,475 --> 01:00:22,445
I didn't.
988
01:00:22,446 --> 01:00:24,815
I just followed the directions
in my aunt's... Gonk,
989
01:00:24,816 --> 01:00:26,094
what are you doing?
990
01:00:26,095 --> 01:00:27,355
Give me that cookbook!
991
01:00:32,335 --> 01:00:34,483
Gonk!
992
01:00:34,484 --> 01:00:36,263
Gonk, you get back here right now,
993
01:00:36,264 --> 01:00:39,292
or you are grounded for one week!
994
01:00:39,293 --> 01:00:41,662
Gonk!
995
01:00:41,663 --> 01:00:43,152
Gonk, come here.
996
01:00:43,153 --> 01:00:45,143
[GASP]
997
01:00:48,122 --> 01:00:49,122
Deja vu.
998
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,050
Wow.
999
01:01:00,051 --> 01:01:02,039
Gonk?
1000
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,030
Gonk, are you in here?
1001
01:01:08,991 --> 01:01:09,989
[BARK]
1002
01:01:09,990 --> 01:01:15,457
Gonk, you are a very bad, bad dog.
1003
01:01:15,458 --> 01:01:18,547
Oh, yuck, you slobbered
all over it.
1004
01:01:18,548 --> 01:01:21,366
[BARKING]
1005
01:01:21,367 --> 01:01:24,406
Now what do you want?
1006
01:01:24,407 --> 01:01:28,566
[GROWLING]
1007
01:01:28,567 --> 01:01:30,166
I think he wants you
to open the trunk.
1008
01:01:30,193 --> 01:01:32,802
Well, why didn't you just say so?
1009
01:01:39,555 --> 01:01:42,355
Wow, look at all this cool junk!
1010
01:01:44,996 --> 01:01:45,995
This could be you, Gonk.
1011
01:01:45,996 --> 01:01:48,833
[GROWLING]
1012
01:01:48,834 --> 01:01:49,534
Ew.
1013
01:01:49,535 --> 01:01:51,264
I think I used to go
out with this guy.
1014
01:01:57,633 --> 01:01:59,593
Take a look at this.
1015
01:02:02,542 --> 01:02:04,141
Think it's for me?
1016
01:02:04,142 --> 01:02:04,872
Go ahead.
1017
01:02:04,873 --> 01:02:06,211
Open it.
1018
01:02:06,212 --> 01:02:07,822
Mm, you open it.
1019
01:02:13,651 --> 01:02:16,319
Dearest Elvira, for
all these years,
1020
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,189
I protected you from the truth.
1021
01:02:18,190 --> 01:02:21,759
But the time has now come
when your only protection
1022
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:23,689
is the truth.
1023
01:02:23,690 --> 01:02:25,208
Say what?
1024
01:02:25,209 --> 01:02:28,048
Let me see this.
1025
01:02:28,049 --> 01:02:32,917
Your mother, Devana, was
an extraordinary woman.
1026
01:02:32,918 --> 01:02:34,927
She was the true
mistress of the dark.
1027
01:02:34,928 --> 01:02:37,607
But her power did not
go unchallenged.
1028
01:02:37,608 --> 01:02:40,506
MORGANA: For 300 years, your Great.
1029
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:43,176
Uncle Vincent coveted her dominion.
1030
01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:45,977
You 300?
1031
01:02:45,978 --> 01:02:49,695
God, I hope I look that
good when I'm that old.
1032
01:02:49,696 --> 01:02:52,085
MORGANA: He would have
destroyed you as he did her,
1033
01:02:52,086 --> 01:02:53,795
had I not sent you away.
1034
01:02:53,796 --> 01:02:56,844
I left you with all the power
you would need to protect
1035
01:02:56,845 --> 01:02:59,574
yourself, and entrusted
you to my loyal familiar.
1036
01:02:59,575 --> 01:03:00,774
What's that about a familiar?
1037
01:03:00,801 --> 01:03:04,133
Bob, haven't you ever seen
any old Roger Corman movies?
1038
01:03:04,134 --> 01:03:05,143
Every witch has one.
1039
01:03:05,144 --> 01:03:06,783
They're like a...
Like a pet that can
1040
01:03:06,784 --> 01:03:07,903
change into almost anything.
1041
01:03:07,904 --> 01:03:08,903
Where was I?
1042
01:03:08,904 --> 01:03:09,674
Oh, yeah.
1043
01:03:09,675 --> 01:03:14,082
Um, but it wasn't you alone
that I sought to protect.
1044
01:03:14,083 --> 01:03:15,662
It was the book.
1045
01:03:15,663 --> 01:03:19,001
It contained your mother's magic.
1046
01:03:19,002 --> 01:03:20,771
MORGANA: Our enemy
is a formidable one.
1047
01:03:20,772 --> 01:03:23,260
Protect the book,
Elvira, and above all,
1048
01:03:23,261 --> 01:03:25,751
keep it from Vincent when the moon
1049
01:03:25,752 --> 01:03:29,230
falls under the Earth's shadow.
1050
01:03:29,231 --> 01:03:35,209
Remember, you carry
the power with you.
1051
01:03:35,210 --> 01:03:38,199
Your loving aunt, Morgana.
1052
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:39,468
Too macabre.
1053
01:03:39,469 --> 01:03:41,749
I mean, like, I knew
I was different,
1054
01:03:41,750 --> 01:03:43,718
but I didn't think I was
quite that different.
1055
01:03:43,719 --> 01:03:46,018
No wonder Vinnie had
such a spaz attack
1056
01:03:46,019 --> 01:03:47,658
when I couldn't find the book!
1057
01:03:47,659 --> 01:03:49,867
Yeah, and you heard
what your aunt said.
1058
01:03:49,868 --> 01:03:51,217
He can't get his hands on it!
1059
01:03:51,218 --> 01:03:52,957
No way he's getting it now.
1060
01:03:52,958 --> 01:03:55,346
And here I am knocking myself out
1061
01:03:55,347 --> 01:03:57,896
to make a living as a horror
hostess when I'm actually
1062
01:03:57,897 --> 01:04:00,597
descended from, like, a major
metaphysical celebrity!
1063
01:04:03,446 --> 01:04:05,546
All I have to do is just
find the right spell,
1064
01:04:05,547 --> 01:04:08,645
and I can make the money
I need for Vegas!
1065
01:04:08,646 --> 01:04:12,334
I mean really make the money.
1066
01:04:12,335 --> 01:04:14,684
I don't think you should go
fooling with that book again.
1067
01:04:14,685 --> 01:04:16,363
Look, look, Bob, here it is!
1068
01:04:16,364 --> 01:04:18,243
Selsba Riki Moola!
1069
01:04:18,244 --> 01:04:20,073
That's exactly what I need!
1070
01:04:20,074 --> 01:04:21,233
Lots of moolah!
1071
01:04:21,234 --> 01:04:22,723
OK, OK.
1072
01:04:22,724 --> 01:04:25,092
Selsba Riki Moola Sheen.
1073
01:04:25,093 --> 01:04:27,543
Hey, Elvira, I... I
don't think that...
1074
01:04:27,544 --> 01:04:32,321
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
1075
01:04:32,322 --> 01:04:34,301
It's... it's working, Bob!
1076
01:04:34,302 --> 01:04:35,301
It's working!
1077
01:04:40,251 --> 01:04:42,240
Bob, are you still here?
1078
01:04:42,241 --> 01:04:43,240
Right here.
1079
01:04:49,681 --> 01:04:53,229
What is this?
1080
01:04:53,230 --> 01:04:58,208
[GASP] Oh, why Bob.
1081
01:04:58,209 --> 01:05:01,708
You know, Bob, I may
be wrong, but I
1082
01:05:01,709 --> 01:05:04,287
think that might have
been a love spell.
1083
01:05:04,288 --> 01:05:06,558
Really?
1084
01:05:06,559 --> 01:05:08,797
Oh, Bob.
1085
01:05:08,798 --> 01:05:11,787
Bob! [MOANING]
1086
01:05:11,788 --> 01:05:13,777
[SCREAMING]
1087
01:05:22,246 --> 01:05:24,234
Hold me, Bob.
1088
01:05:24,235 --> 01:05:25,235
Hold me.
1089
01:05:32,204 --> 01:05:34,194
[BAND PLAYING]
1090
01:05:51,122 --> 01:05:54,261
Oh, Chastity, the
picnic's a great success.
1091
01:05:54,262 --> 01:05:58,161
Yes, I think it's something
we can all be proud of me for.
1092
01:06:02,061 --> 01:06:06,939
[APPLAUSE]
1093
01:06:06,940 --> 01:06:09,869
Come and get it!
1094
01:06:09,870 --> 01:06:12,358
Oh, now, you children, you're
acting like wild animals!
1095
01:06:12,359 --> 01:06:16,538
Get to the end of the line, now.
1096
01:06:16,539 --> 01:06:17,968
It all looks so good.
1097
01:06:17,969 --> 01:06:22,177
I can't remember when
I've been this hungry.
1098
01:06:22,178 --> 01:06:25,978
Oh, Melody, I see you've made
your famous Tic-Tac pie.
1099
01:06:33,136 --> 01:06:34,556
Oh!
1100
01:06:34,557 --> 01:06:35,666
Bob, what are you doing?
1101
01:06:35,667 --> 01:06:37,145
You scared the hell out of me.
1102
01:06:37,146 --> 01:06:38,865
What's going on?
1103
01:06:38,866 --> 01:06:41,504
Let's just say I'm
settling the score.
1104
01:06:41,505 --> 01:06:43,074
Oh, no.
1105
01:06:43,075 --> 01:06:45,824
Well, it is a potluck.
1106
01:06:45,825 --> 01:06:47,423
And believe me, when
they open that pot,
1107
01:06:47,450 --> 01:06:51,333
they're going to need all
the luck they can get.
1108
01:06:51,334 --> 01:06:54,462
Oh, I don't believe
I've had any of this.
1109
01:06:54,463 --> 01:06:56,814
Revenge is better than Christmas.
1110
01:07:03,034 --> 01:07:04,033
I don't get it.
1111
01:07:04,033 --> 01:07:05,861
What happened?
1112
01:07:05,862 --> 01:07:07,632
Looks like some sort of casserole.
1113
01:07:11,712 --> 01:07:13,020
Mm.
1114
01:07:13,021 --> 01:07:13,722
Mm!
1115
01:07:13,723 --> 01:07:15,560
This is marvelous.
1116
01:07:15,561 --> 01:07:16,731
I must get this recipe.
1117
01:07:23,581 --> 01:07:24,580
Oh, shoot!
1118
01:07:24,581 --> 01:07:26,629
Must have screwed it
up when I substituted
1119
01:07:26,630 --> 01:07:30,128
the falengra with some
Hamburger Helper.
1120
01:07:30,129 --> 01:07:30,879
Oh, yes.
1121
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:32,778
Thank you for my drink.
1122
01:07:32,779 --> 01:07:35,748
There.
1123
01:07:35,749 --> 01:07:36,747
Ah, oh.
1124
01:07:41,688 --> 01:07:44,456
Mm!
1125
01:07:44,457 --> 01:07:45,456
Mmm.
1126
01:07:57,526 --> 01:08:01,775
[LAUGHING] I feel a little odd.
1127
01:08:04,745 --> 01:08:07,223
Suddenly it's very warm.
1128
01:08:07,224 --> 01:08:09,204
[MUSIC - NINA SIMONE,
"I PUT A SPELL ON YOU"]
1129
01:08:18,803 --> 01:08:20,012
Remind you of anything?
1130
01:08:23,262 --> 01:08:25,092
Remind you of anything?
1131
01:08:31,001 --> 01:08:32,479
Give me that!
1132
01:08:32,480 --> 01:08:33,479
It's mine!
1133
01:08:45,159 --> 01:08:47,949
Oh boy, am I a horndog.
1134
01:08:55,498 --> 01:08:56,497
Excuse me.
1135
01:08:56,498 --> 01:08:58,487
Is this face taken?
1136
01:09:01,457 --> 01:09:03,446
[GASP]
1137
01:09:12,866 --> 01:09:15,844
[LAUGHING]
1138
01:09:15,845 --> 01:09:17,334
Come on, stud.
1139
01:09:17,335 --> 01:09:18,333
Let's boogie!
1140
01:09:27,744 --> 01:09:30,223
Hey, Leslie, let's mambo.
1141
01:09:46,591 --> 01:09:49,000
That's an interesting dish.
1142
01:09:49,001 --> 01:09:51,700
Where did you learn how to make it?
1143
01:09:51,701 --> 01:09:56,009
Oh, it's just an
old family recipe.
1144
01:09:56,010 --> 01:09:57,318
All right.
1145
01:09:57,319 --> 01:10:01,408
I'll give you $500 for the book.
1146
01:10:01,409 --> 01:10:03,968
What, do I look like I just
fell off the tuna truck?
1147
01:10:03,969 --> 01:10:05,818
The deal's off, uncle!
1148
01:10:05,819 --> 01:10:08,667
You think you're pretty
clever, don't you?
1149
01:10:08,668 --> 01:10:13,668
Well, mark my words, I'll get
you, and your little dog, too!
1150
01:10:19,087 --> 01:10:20,086
Help.
1151
01:10:25,656 --> 01:10:27,605
No!
1152
01:10:27,606 --> 01:10:29,834
Oh, you again.
1153
01:10:29,835 --> 01:10:33,304
Do you always wear the same dress?
1154
01:10:33,305 --> 01:10:37,923
No, sometimes I like to wear
something low cut and sexy.
1155
01:10:37,924 --> 01:10:41,034
Well, I guess in your business,
it pays to advertise.
1156
01:10:43,953 --> 01:10:45,242
Come here, Bob.
1157
01:10:45,243 --> 01:10:49,812
Let me show you how a
real woman does it.
1158
01:10:49,813 --> 01:10:50,813
Excuse me.
1159
01:10:57,802 --> 01:10:59,792
[LAUGHING]
1160
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:06,500
You all saw it!
1161
01:11:06,501 --> 01:11:08,439
He attacked me in broad daylight,
1162
01:11:08,440 --> 01:11:10,079
and he had his way with me!
1163
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:10,780
Me?
1164
01:11:10,781 --> 01:11:13,029
I barely got away with my life!
1165
01:11:13,030 --> 01:11:15,958
You could have worn out
a mechanical bull!
1166
01:11:15,959 --> 01:11:18,427
Ooh, you're not going
to get away with this,
1167
01:11:18,428 --> 01:11:20,098
you sex addled maniac!
1168
01:11:20,099 --> 01:11:22,638
I demand that the council
remove this pervert!
1169
01:11:22,639 --> 01:11:26,077
I never laid a hand on
those sheep, so help me!
1170
01:11:26,078 --> 01:11:27,857
Calvin was the one
who was painting
1171
01:11:27,858 --> 01:11:29,256
everybody with apple butter!
1172
01:11:29,257 --> 01:11:30,678
I was just an innocent onlicker.
1173
01:11:34,787 --> 01:11:35,786
Silence!
1174
01:11:38,926 --> 01:11:42,264
Don't you see?
1175
01:11:42,265 --> 01:11:46,464
You're playing right
into her hands.
1176
01:11:46,465 --> 01:11:50,054
It's Elvira who is
responsible for all this.
1177
01:11:50,055 --> 01:11:51,243
Of course.
1178
01:11:51,244 --> 01:11:53,082
I should have known it
was that little harlot.
1179
01:11:53,109 --> 01:11:57,123
We ought to ride her out
of town on a big fat rail.
1180
01:11:57,124 --> 01:11:59,793
She might enjoy that too much.
1181
01:11:59,794 --> 01:12:01,644
There is a much more
satisfactory solution.
1182
01:12:04,543 --> 01:12:07,522
We can have her arrested.
1183
01:12:07,523 --> 01:12:08,252
Arrested?
1184
01:12:08,253 --> 01:12:09,841
On what charges?
1185
01:12:09,842 --> 01:12:13,001
It so happens that there
is a law on the books that
1186
01:12:13,002 --> 01:12:15,800
dates back to the Salem trials.
1187
01:12:15,801 --> 01:12:19,990
It specifically forbids, and
I quote, "any towns person"
1188
01:12:19,991 --> 01:12:24,169
from practicing the ancient
arts of spell casting,
1189
01:12:24,170 --> 01:12:31,058
"demonology, alchemy,
and conjuration."
1190
01:12:31,059 --> 01:12:37,408
The charge, my fellow council
members, is witchcraft.
1191
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:45,336
Let me out of here!
1192
01:12:45,337 --> 01:12:47,066
Pipe down in there!
1193
01:12:47,067 --> 01:12:48,616
Hey, I've seen The People's Court.
1194
01:12:48,617 --> 01:12:52,305
I'm entitled to one phone
call and a strip search!
1195
01:12:52,306 --> 01:12:54,626
Well, there's a pay phone
right across the street.
1196
01:12:54,627 --> 01:12:55,616
What's the matter?
1197
01:12:55,617 --> 01:12:57,665
You forget where you
put your broom?
1198
01:12:57,666 --> 01:12:59,954
Listen, fatso, if I had a broom,
1199
01:12:59,955 --> 01:13:01,716
I know exactly where I'd put it.
1200
01:13:04,955 --> 01:13:06,143
Oh, this is swell.
1201
01:13:06,144 --> 01:13:07,684
I can just hear Manny now.
1202
01:13:07,685 --> 01:13:08,384
Hello, Vegas?
1203
01:13:08,385 --> 01:13:11,043
We got a slight crimp in
the plans for the show.
1204
01:13:11,044 --> 01:13:14,212
Yeah, the star was
burned at the stake.
1205
01:13:14,213 --> 01:13:15,523
Elvira!
1206
01:13:15,524 --> 01:13:16,223
Great news!
1207
01:13:16,224 --> 01:13:18,032
I got you the best
lawyer in the county.
1208
01:13:18,033 --> 01:13:20,662
He'll be here first
thing in the morning.
1209
01:13:20,663 --> 01:13:21,603
Bob, in the morning?
1210
01:13:21,604 --> 01:13:24,901
First thing in the morning, I'll
be able to fit in an ashtray!
1211
01:13:24,902 --> 01:13:27,350
You've gotta get me out of here!
1212
01:13:27,351 --> 01:13:29,041
But how?
1213
01:13:29,042 --> 01:13:29,742
The book!
1214
01:13:29,743 --> 01:13:31,230
It's my only chance.
1215
01:13:31,231 --> 01:13:32,629
Quick, run to the house and get it!
1216
01:13:32,656 --> 01:13:33,211
OK.
1217
01:13:33,212 --> 01:13:36,269
Oh, but Bob, wait!
1218
01:13:36,270 --> 01:13:37,459
What?
1219
01:13:37,460 --> 01:13:39,989
I hid it under the floorboard
in the living room.
1220
01:13:39,990 --> 01:13:41,429
OK.
1221
01:13:41,430 --> 01:13:43,869
Oh, Woo Bob!
1222
01:13:43,870 --> 01:13:44,820
What?
1223
01:13:44,820 --> 01:13:45,819
Hurry!
1224
01:13:52,128 --> 01:13:54,087
Stay low!
1225
01:13:54,088 --> 01:13:55,569
Keep down low!
1226
01:14:07,657 --> 01:14:08,656
Now.
1227
01:14:13,275 --> 01:14:14,755
[WHIMPERING]
1228
01:14:14,756 --> 01:14:15,686
What are you whining about?
1229
01:14:15,687 --> 01:14:18,104
I'm the one getting barbecued.
1230
01:14:18,105 --> 01:14:20,075
[BARK]
1231
01:14:24,004 --> 01:14:26,263
[GROWLING]
1232
01:14:26,264 --> 01:14:26,964
Oh.
1233
01:14:26,964 --> 01:14:27,963
Sorry.
1234
01:14:46,141 --> 01:14:47,621
At last, it's mine.
1235
01:14:47,622 --> 01:14:50,271
The power is mine!
1236
01:14:54,721 --> 01:14:58,189
[GROWLING]
1237
01:14:58,190 --> 01:15:00,168
[BARKING]
1238
01:15:00,169 --> 01:15:02,148
Gonk, don't have a conniption fit.
1239
01:15:02,149 --> 01:15:05,619
[BARKING]
1240
01:15:13,029 --> 01:15:14,028
Whoa.
1241
01:15:14,029 --> 01:15:17,126
Must've took too much
antacid in the '60s.
1242
01:15:17,127 --> 01:15:21,385
Two, four, six, eight,
who do we incinerate?
1243
01:15:21,386 --> 01:15:24,865
Elvira!
1244
01:15:37,145 --> 01:15:38,674
Thank goodness, padre!
1245
01:15:38,675 --> 01:15:41,073
I am here to save you, my child.
1246
01:15:41,074 --> 01:15:45,713
At last, someone to talk
some sense into these people.
1247
01:15:45,714 --> 01:15:50,502
God, save this wretched
creature's soul,
1248
01:15:50,503 --> 01:15:56,302
even though her creamy white
flesh will burn and sizzle.
1249
01:16:05,581 --> 01:16:06,761
Well, isn't that convenient?
1250
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:14,398
Thanks for trying, you guys.
1251
01:16:14,399 --> 01:16:15,398
Elvira!
1252
01:16:31,358 --> 01:16:32,357
Gonk?
1253
01:16:32,358 --> 01:16:36,786
Is that you, boy?
1254
01:16:36,787 --> 01:16:41,715
[GROWLING]
1255
01:16:41,716 --> 01:16:43,705
[BARKING]
1256
01:16:43,706 --> 01:16:44,885
Good work, Gonk.
1257
01:16:44,886 --> 01:16:49,735
Burn the witch!
1258
01:16:49,736 --> 01:16:51,674
Do you smoke?
1259
01:16:51,675 --> 01:16:54,614
I guess we'll find
out soon enough.
1260
01:16:54,615 --> 01:17:10,553
Burn the witch!
1261
01:17:10,553 --> 01:17:11,552
[INAUDIBLE]!
1262
01:17:15,532 --> 01:17:18,020
Oh no, you're not
gonna believe this.
1263
01:17:18,021 --> 01:17:19,511
I left my oven on.
1264
01:17:19,512 --> 01:17:22,299
I'll just be a minute.
1265
01:17:22,300 --> 01:17:27,779
Burn the witch!
1266
01:17:32,460 --> 01:17:34,948
Any last words?
1267
01:17:34,949 --> 01:17:36,448
Just one.
1268
01:17:36,449 --> 01:17:38,938
Help!
1269
01:17:38,939 --> 01:17:44,908
Burn the witch!
1270
01:17:44,909 --> 01:17:45,908
Hold it!
1271
01:17:45,908 --> 01:17:46,898
Hold it down!
1272
01:17:46,899 --> 01:17:48,397
Quiet, quiet there!
1273
01:17:51,877 --> 01:17:56,265
And now, by the power vested
in me by the sovereign state
1274
01:17:56,266 --> 01:17:58,655
of Massachusetts, I
do hereby pronounce
1275
01:17:58,656 --> 01:18:02,904
sentence on Elvira the prisoner!
1276
01:18:02,905 --> 01:18:04,355
Death by fire!
1277
01:18:07,755 --> 01:18:10,383
Hold it, Sheriff.
1278
01:18:10,384 --> 01:18:13,083
What you're doing is wrong.
1279
01:18:13,084 --> 01:18:13,894
Patty?
1280
01:18:13,895 --> 01:18:18,583
It'll catch faster if you
light it in several places.
1281
01:18:18,584 --> 01:18:19,584
Patty, no!
1282
01:18:22,583 --> 01:18:26,081
We ought to have one
of these every year.
1283
01:18:26,082 --> 01:18:28,581
Burn in hell, witch!
1284
01:18:28,582 --> 01:18:30,081
Patty!
1285
01:18:30,082 --> 01:18:36,380
Burn the witch!
1286
01:18:42,581 --> 01:18:44,579
Burn her!
1287
01:18:44,580 --> 01:18:46,079
Bye, kids.
1288
01:18:46,080 --> 01:18:48,078
It's been swell.
1289
01:18:48,079 --> 01:18:51,578
Just send my ashes to Las Vegas.
1290
01:18:51,579 --> 01:18:55,077
Let me through!
1291
01:18:55,078 --> 01:18:55,878
Elvira!
1292
01:18:55,878 --> 01:18:56,877
Bob!
1293
01:19:02,578 --> 01:19:03,876
Hi, Bob.
1294
01:19:03,877 --> 01:19:04,578
Patty!
1295
01:19:04,579 --> 01:19:08,076
You're not a very nice person.
1296
01:19:08,077 --> 01:19:12,076
Burn the witch!
1297
01:19:12,077 --> 01:19:15,075
[INAUDIBLE].
1298
01:19:15,076 --> 01:19:16,374
[BARKING]
1299
01:19:16,375 --> 01:19:17,374
Gonk?
1300
01:19:23,075 --> 01:19:27,575
MORGANA (VOICEOVER): Remember,
you carry the power with you.
1301
01:19:32,074 --> 01:19:33,072
The ring!
1302
01:19:33,073 --> 01:19:36,573
[BARKING]
1303
01:19:46,572 --> 01:19:50,071
[THUNDER]
1304
01:20:10,068 --> 01:20:11,569
Are you all right?
1305
01:20:21,067 --> 01:20:22,296
Look.
1306
01:20:22,297 --> 01:20:25,716
The lunar eclipse.
1307
01:20:25,717 --> 01:20:26,417
Remember?
1308
01:20:26,418 --> 01:20:27,835
Your aunt's letter.
1309
01:20:27,836 --> 01:20:31,274
When the moon falls under
the Earth's shadow.
1310
01:20:31,275 --> 01:20:32,565
Yeah, so?
1311
01:20:32,566 --> 01:20:34,225
Vincent's got the book!
1312
01:20:40,214 --> 01:20:45,993
[THUNDER]
1313
01:20:45,994 --> 01:20:46,993
Elvira!
1314
01:20:50,494 --> 01:20:51,493
Elvira!
1315
01:20:53,684 --> 01:20:54,683
Gonk!
1316
01:20:54,683 --> 01:20:55,673
Where's Gonk?
1317
01:20:55,674 --> 01:20:58,671
[BARKING]
1318
01:20:58,672 --> 01:21:00,672
Oh, you tricky little devil.
1319
01:21:05,161 --> 01:21:07,150
Oh!
1320
01:21:07,151 --> 01:21:08,150
Vincent!
1321
01:21:08,151 --> 01:21:09,680
Remember us?
1322
01:21:09,681 --> 01:21:12,109
We're on your side.
1323
01:21:12,110 --> 01:21:13,109
Swine.
1324
01:21:26,689 --> 01:21:27,688
Stay back.
1325
01:21:36,608 --> 01:21:38,596
Sic 'em, Gonk!
1326
01:21:38,597 --> 01:21:44,045
[GROWLING]
1327
01:21:44,046 --> 01:21:49,505
[WHIMPERING]
1328
01:21:49,506 --> 01:21:51,155
Don't make me use this!
1329
01:21:54,005 --> 01:21:56,864
[LAUGHING]
1330
01:21:56,865 --> 01:21:58,624
The amulet could not
protect your mother,
1331
01:21:58,625 --> 01:22:01,943
and it won't save you.
1332
01:22:01,944 --> 01:22:04,153
Kaldozar Ipsulay!
1333
01:22:09,424 --> 01:22:10,423
Huh.
1334
01:22:10,424 --> 01:22:12,081
So you want to play rough eh?
1335
01:22:12,082 --> 01:22:13,583
Well, take this!
1336
01:22:18,382 --> 01:22:19,381
Huh?
1337
01:22:19,381 --> 01:22:20,380
What?
1338
01:22:43,078 --> 01:22:45,777
You cannot escape me,
daughter of Devana.
1339
01:22:45,778 --> 01:22:50,956
I shall destroy you as I did her.
1340
01:22:50,957 --> 01:22:54,397
[GUN COCKING]
1341
01:22:59,716 --> 01:23:01,555
You looking for me?
1342
01:23:01,556 --> 01:23:03,536
[GUNSHOT]
1343
01:23:08,975 --> 01:23:13,783
Did you think you could
stop me with your toys?
1344
01:23:13,784 --> 01:23:15,733
No, but I figured it
would be worth a shot.
1345
01:23:15,734 --> 01:23:16,733
Look!
1346
01:23:19,414 --> 01:23:22,893
[LAUGHING]
1347
01:24:04,137 --> 01:24:06,618
Kozar Kara Ocktar!
1348
01:24:10,097 --> 01:24:11,977
Sure, that's easy for you to say.
1349
01:24:15,716 --> 01:24:19,175
[SCREAMING]
1350
01:24:22,145 --> 01:24:25,605
[ROARING]
1351
01:24:37,983 --> 01:24:40,462
[GROWLING]
1352
01:24:40,463 --> 01:24:41,462
That hurt!
1353
01:24:49,632 --> 01:24:50,631
Now, baby.
1354
01:24:55,031 --> 01:24:57,010
Hey.
1355
01:24:57,011 --> 01:25:01,599
We have a little
unfinished business.
1356
01:25:01,600 --> 01:25:04,739
Yeah, well, uh, I think
we can do business.
1357
01:25:04,740 --> 01:25:08,158
Uh, yeah, sure, I can dig it.
1358
01:25:08,159 --> 01:25:10,198
Uh, I'm cool, bro.
1359
01:25:10,199 --> 01:25:13,347
Know what it is, where it's at.
1360
01:25:13,348 --> 01:25:15,197
I'll show you where it's at.
1361
01:25:15,198 --> 01:25:18,498
[SCREAMING]
1362
01:25:38,416 --> 01:25:41,865
[GASPING]
1363
01:25:46,794 --> 01:25:49,753
[SCREAMING]
1364
01:25:49,754 --> 01:25:52,223
[CHOKING]
1365
01:25:56,653 --> 01:26:02,171
I am master of the dark!
1366
01:26:02,172 --> 01:26:04,832
I'll see you in hell first!
1367
01:26:12,310 --> 01:26:15,810
[HISSING]
1368
01:26:31,768 --> 01:26:33,768
[SCREAMING]
1369
01:26:40,257 --> 01:26:43,746
[SCREAM]
1370
01:26:43,747 --> 01:26:47,236
[SCREAMING]
1371
01:26:50,746 --> 01:26:53,646
And now, Elvira, you die!
1372
01:26:57,635 --> 01:27:01,114
[SCREAMING]
1373
01:27:27,011 --> 01:27:30,491
MORGANA (VOICEOVER): Remember,
you carry the power with you.
1374
01:27:49,918 --> 01:27:51,907
[WHINING]
1375
01:27:51,908 --> 01:27:56,406
So what did the
insurance guys say?
1376
01:27:56,407 --> 01:27:58,256
My policy doesn't
cover acts of demons.
1377
01:28:01,527 --> 01:28:04,215
Well, at least you've
still got the ring.
1378
01:28:04,216 --> 01:28:06,375
Yeah, but the only thing I
can get it to do anymore
1379
01:28:06,376 --> 01:28:07,375
is look cheap.
1380
01:28:11,455 --> 01:28:12,724
Gosh, Elvira, I'm sorry.
1381
01:28:12,725 --> 01:28:17,573
I know you had your heart
set on playing Las Vegas.
1382
01:28:17,574 --> 01:28:22,132
I'm just not the kind of
girl whose dreams come true.
1383
01:28:22,133 --> 01:28:23,424
I do better on nightmares.
1384
01:28:28,613 --> 01:28:32,582
I wish there was
something I could do.
1385
01:28:32,583 --> 01:28:34,231
Yeah, don't worry about me, Bob.
1386
01:28:34,232 --> 01:28:35,571
I'm like fake fruit.
1387
01:28:35,572 --> 01:28:37,071
I don't bruise that easy.
1388
01:28:43,802 --> 01:28:44,801
Uh-oh.
1389
01:28:44,802 --> 01:28:46,729
Here comes the lynch mob.
1390
01:28:46,730 --> 01:28:48,909
Hey, take it easy, take
it easy, I'm leaving.
1391
01:28:48,910 --> 01:28:50,009
We don't want you to go.
1392
01:28:50,010 --> 01:28:50,710
No, no.
1393
01:28:50,711 --> 01:28:54,359
This is our way of saying
we were wrong about you,
1394
01:28:54,360 --> 01:28:55,698
and we're sorry.
1395
01:28:55,699 --> 01:28:57,098
Elvira, you're the best thing that
1396
01:28:57,125 --> 01:28:58,908
ever happened to this town.
1397
01:28:58,909 --> 01:29:01,847
You touched a part of my
son that... that nobody's
1398
01:29:01,848 --> 01:29:02,708
ever touched before.
1399
01:29:02,709 --> 01:29:04,937
I wish.
1400
01:29:04,938 --> 01:29:07,336
As long as you're
in Fallwell, you'll
1401
01:29:07,337 --> 01:29:09,696
always have a free
room at the Cozy Cot.
1402
01:29:09,697 --> 01:29:12,676
Aww.
1403
01:29:12,677 --> 01:29:15,095
Wait just a minute, Leslie!
1404
01:29:15,096 --> 01:29:18,965
Shut up, you old bag!
1405
01:29:18,966 --> 01:29:23,715
[HONKING]
1406
01:29:23,716 --> 01:29:26,834
Well, I finally got it running.
1407
01:29:26,835 --> 01:29:28,824
Great!
1408
01:29:28,825 --> 01:29:32,354
At least now I'll
have a place to live.
1409
01:29:32,355 --> 01:29:34,432
But I still don't know how
I'm gonna pay you for it.
1410
01:29:34,459 --> 01:29:35,104
Don't worry.
1411
01:29:35,105 --> 01:29:37,493
We'll work out something.
1412
01:29:37,494 --> 01:29:40,413
Elvira.
1413
01:29:40,414 --> 01:29:46,041
I'm, uh, sorry that I set
you on fire and everything.
1414
01:29:46,042 --> 01:29:48,871
And, uh, I hope there
are no hard feelings.
1415
01:29:48,872 --> 01:29:50,431
Don't worry.
1416
01:29:50,432 --> 01:29:52,561
She's bigger than that.
1417
01:29:52,562 --> 01:29:53,261
Yeah.
1418
01:29:53,262 --> 01:29:54,740
A lot bigger.
1419
01:29:54,741 --> 01:29:56,560
[LAUGHTER]
1420
01:29:56,561 --> 01:29:58,640
Elvira, I've got
some important papers
1421
01:29:58,641 --> 01:30:00,440
that you're gonna have to sign.
1422
01:30:00,441 --> 01:30:04,579
With your uncle gone, you're
the only heir to his estate.
1423
01:30:04,580 --> 01:30:05,430
I am?
1424
01:30:05,431 --> 01:30:08,799
Not an inconsiderable
one, at that.
1425
01:30:08,800 --> 01:30:10,658
Las Vegas!
1426
01:30:10,659 --> 01:30:12,928
Elvira, that's fantastic!
1427
01:30:12,929 --> 01:30:18,358
Las Vegas!
1428
01:30:23,277 --> 01:30:26,626
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Flaming Hotel
1429
01:30:26,627 --> 01:30:32,895
is proud to present the
Mistress of the Dark, Elvira!
1430
01:30:32,896 --> 01:30:36,975
(SINGING) I've always
dreamed of doing this,
1431
01:30:36,976 --> 01:30:42,375
and now I've got my chance.
1432
01:30:42,376 --> 01:30:48,833
So excuse me while I indulge
myself in a little song
1433
01:30:48,834 --> 01:30:49,834
and dance.
1434
01:31:12,691 --> 01:31:19,149
Well, if you're looking
for trouble, here I am.
1435
01:31:19,150 --> 01:31:23,620
And if you wanna see
double, here I am.
1436
01:31:27,099 --> 01:31:30,578
I don't do what the good girls do.
1437
01:31:30,579 --> 01:31:33,559
Bad dreams really do come true.
1438
01:31:42,507 --> 01:31:45,987
Here I am.
1439
01:31:49,467 --> 01:31:52,935
I'm the bitch in black,
so you better stand back.
1440
01:31:52,936 --> 01:31:54,535
You might get motion
sickness or a heart attack.
1441
01:31:54,536 --> 01:31:56,455
I can really rap up with the
swelling in your pocket,
1442
01:31:56,456 --> 01:31:58,294
make your eyeballs drop
right out of their socket.
1443
01:31:58,295 --> 01:31:59,954
I'm rough, I'm tough,
I'm woman enough.
1444
01:31:59,955 --> 01:32:00,655
Get ready.
1445
01:32:00,655 --> 01:32:01,385
I'm gonna do my stuff.
1446
01:32:01,386 --> 01:32:02,823
I can take it, I can shake it.
1447
01:32:02,824 --> 01:32:03,794
I can cook it, I can bake it.
1448
01:32:03,795 --> 01:32:05,593
If I don't have the
recipe, I'll fake it.
1449
01:32:05,594 --> 01:32:07,093
I'm a volcano that's ready to blow.
1450
01:32:07,094 --> 01:32:08,894
Look out, y'all, 'cause here I go!
1451
01:32:48,489 --> 01:32:49,988
[BARKING]
1452
01:33:15,085 --> 01:33:16,083
For me?
1453
01:33:28,583 --> 01:33:29,582
Unpleasant dreams.
1454
01:33:32,583 --> 01:33:34,681
[HOWLING]
1455
01:33:34,682 --> 01:33:37,132
[MUSIC PLAYING]
97358
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