Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,281 --> 00:00:03,405
[THE CRAIG GILDNER SEXTET'S
"LET'S BE JOLLY" PLAYS]
2
00:00:03,430 --> 00:00:05,139
♪ Well, tonight's the night ♪
3
00:00:05,164 --> 00:00:08,014
- ♪ We a-get to see, oh, Santa ♪
- [LAUGHS]
4
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:09,054
Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:09,079 --> 00:00:10,835
- [LAUGHS] Hey, guys.
- Hi.
6
00:00:10,860 --> 00:00:13,367
Happy Christmas Eve, Mike.
Happy Hanukkah Eve, Rio.
7
00:00:13,392 --> 00:00:15,626
Thank you, Rudy.
Thank you for seeing me.
8
00:00:15,651 --> 00:00:18,953
Rio, I stocked some Jewish
decorations for you.
9
00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:20,703
- [GASPS]
- Oh, that is so thoughtful.
10
00:00:20,728 --> 00:00:23,078
So, these are not Stars of David.
11
00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:25,704
These are, uh... satanic pentagrams.
12
00:00:25,729 --> 00:00:27,000
Oh, dear.
13
00:00:27,025 --> 00:00:28,108
That makes sense now.
14
00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:30,166
There was talk about
"The Beast" on the website.
15
00:00:30,191 --> 00:00:32,203
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, the Dark Lord, sure.
16
00:00:32,228 --> 00:00:33,250
But they're very lovely.
17
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,286
Why are you two still here?
18
00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:35,355
Shouldn't you be with family?
19
00:00:35,379 --> 00:00:37,665
We're... We're kinda doing
Christmas alone together, and...
20
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,321
- Yeah.
- It's our first Christmas in Bucksnort.
21
00:00:39,345 --> 00:00:40,585
And I'm gonna cook a goose.
22
00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:42,460
I ordered one... A real beautiful bird,
23
00:00:42,485 --> 00:00:44,601
- from a boutique organic market...
- He ordered a goose.
24
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:46,156
- ... just outside of Dubuque.
- Why?
25
00:00:46,181 --> 00:00:48,327
Frank has got a whole pond full
of geese, and he hates them.
26
00:00:48,351 --> 00:00:50,547
Oh, well, maybe next year,
I'll... I'll bag one of those.
27
00:00:50,571 --> 00:00:53,085
- Yeah.
- Okay, $5.50.
28
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:54,735
Brandon's gone,
so I'm gonna be at Connie's.
29
00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:56,235
- RIO: Okay.
- So, don't try a-knockin',
30
00:00:56,259 --> 00:00:57,858
'cause Connie's gonna be a-rockin'.
31
00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,359
The first time I'm going to lay her.
32
00:00:59,384 --> 00:01:01,375
Oh, that's information...
33
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,579
- that we're getting.
- CONSTANCE: Yeah.
34
00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,002
Not if I lay him first.
35
00:01:04,027 --> 00:01:05,493
All right, we're gonna
go watch the lights.
36
00:01:05,517 --> 00:01:06,579
- All right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37
00:01:06,603 --> 00:01:10,085
♪ Away in a manger ♪
38
00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:13,834
♪ No crib for a bed ♪
39
00:01:13,859 --> 00:01:16,500
♪ The little lord J... ♪
40
00:01:16,525 --> 00:01:18,124
Why is Clara the only one singing?
41
00:01:18,149 --> 00:01:20,507
Oh, 'cause she's been
drinking beer since noon.
42
00:01:20,532 --> 00:01:24,133
[OFF-KEY] ♪ Look down where he lay ♪
43
00:01:24,158 --> 00:01:26,078
- ♪ The li... ♪
- Okay, everybody.
44
00:01:26,103 --> 00:01:27,437
"Merry Christmas" on three.
45
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,462
One, two, three!
46
00:01:29,487 --> 00:01:32,000
ALL: Merry Christmas!
47
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:34,239
[ELECTRICITY BUZZES]
48
00:01:34,264 --> 00:01:35,697
- MIKE: Oh.
- RIO: Oh!
49
00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:38,359
- Lot... Lot of build-up.
- Yeah, a lot of pageantry.
50
00:01:38,384 --> 00:01:39,467
Yeah.
51
00:01:39,492 --> 00:01:40,648
Here we go!
52
00:01:41,015 --> 00:01:43,156
- [ELECTRICITY BUZZES]
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
53
00:01:43,181 --> 00:01:44,914
Now we're getting somewhere!
54
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,039
Now we're talking.
55
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,937
This one goes out to the kitties.
56
00:01:47,962 --> 00:01:49,516
[TO TUNE OF "AWAY IN A
MANGER"] ♪ Meow, meow ♪
57
00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:51,968
♪ Meow-meow, meow, meow ♪
58
00:01:51,993 --> 00:01:54,312
♪ Meow-meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
59
00:01:54,337 --> 00:01:56,515
I'll bite. ♪ Meow, meow ♪
60
00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:58,740
ALL: ♪ Meow-meow, meow, meow ♪
61
00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:01,402
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
62
00:02:01,427 --> 00:02:02,427
Do it.
63
00:02:06,784 --> 00:02:08,761
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
64
00:02:12,155 --> 00:02:14,551
Honey, I love this sculpture
that your family sent.
65
00:02:14,576 --> 00:02:17,394
Did Santa actually visit the baby Jesus?
66
00:02:17,419 --> 00:02:18,816
Uh, with Christmas, in general,
67
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:20,553
it's best not to ask
how the sausage is made.
68
00:02:20,577 --> 00:02:22,457
- Just enjoy the yummy sausage.
- Sure, yeah.
69
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:23,815
Merry Christmas, roommates.
70
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,269
Look at this jolly gentleman.
71
00:02:25,294 --> 00:02:27,543
The time has come. I'm off to Kay's.
72
00:02:27,659 --> 00:02:30,277
Jacob deserves a Christmas
with both parents...
73
00:02:30,302 --> 00:02:32,207
- Sure
- .... and I am going to deliver.
74
00:02:32,232 --> 00:02:35,176
Also, I'm gonna deliver
for Kay a custard pie.
75
00:02:35,201 --> 00:02:36,372
We're really proud of you, Beau.
76
00:02:36,396 --> 00:02:37,817
You were this caterpillar, you know?
77
00:02:37,841 --> 00:02:39,702
And now you've blossomed
to be this... this butterfly,
78
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,207
- and it's really beautiful to see.
- Yeah.
79
00:02:41,231 --> 00:02:42,566
I am a butterfly, aren't I?
80
00:02:42,591 --> 00:02:43,591
- Yeah.
- I'm like a...
81
00:02:43,616 --> 00:02:45,416
A very sexy butterfly with...
82
00:02:45,441 --> 00:02:47,241
- With big butterfly muscles...
- Mm.
83
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:50,244
And... and... and great
butterfly masculine instincts.
84
00:02:50,269 --> 00:02:51,739
- [CHUCKLING] Yeah.
- A-A ripped monarch.
85
00:02:51,763 --> 00:02:53,106
- All right! Go get 'em!
- [DOOR OPENS]
86
00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:55,246
- That's sweet.
- You know what else is sweet?
87
00:02:55,271 --> 00:02:56,271
Huh?
88
00:02:56,296 --> 00:02:58,051
Listen to that sound.
89
00:02:59,035 --> 00:03:01,668
It's the sound of no Beau and no Rudy
90
00:03:01,693 --> 00:03:02,895
- in this house.
- Oh, my goodness.
91
00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:04,465
You're right. There's no snoring.
92
00:03:04,490 --> 00:03:06,160
- There's no yelling.
- No.
93
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:07,441
No one's arguing about
94
00:03:07,466 --> 00:03:09,441
whether Ronald Reagan was a good actor.
95
00:03:09,466 --> 00:03:11,568
- It's like, "Who cares?"
- Who cares?
96
00:03:11,593 --> 00:03:14,094
- Ahh! Yeah.
- So peaceful and relaxing.
97
00:03:14,119 --> 00:03:16,452
We're pretty overdue for
some alone time.
98
00:03:16,477 --> 00:03:18,355
- Mm.
- Ooh, you know what I'm gonna do?
99
00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,225
I'm gonna take a bath.
You know what I mean?
100
00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:21,950
I'm gonna have to go
upstairs and first, like,
101
00:03:21,974 --> 00:03:23,777
sort of scrub the Rudy
and Beau off the bath.
102
00:03:23,802 --> 00:03:24,810
- Sure.
- But then I'm gonna take a bath.
103
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:26,161
- I'll be in the kitchen...
- Okay.
104
00:03:26,185 --> 00:03:28,085
- ... preparing our fancy-ass dinner...
- [GASPS]
105
00:03:28,109 --> 00:03:29,325
- ... that I mail-ordered...
- [SQUEALS]
106
00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:30,816
... 'cause it's goose-glazing time.
107
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:31,996
- I can't wait.
- Yes. Okay.
108
00:03:32,021 --> 00:03:33,177
Uh, by the way, it's gonna...
It's gonna take
109
00:03:33,201 --> 00:03:34,446
- about three hours.
- That's all right.
110
00:03:34,470 --> 00:03:35,872
It's gonna take me three
hours to scrub the tub.
111
00:03:35,896 --> 00:03:36,847
- Oh, wonderful.
- So, it works out.
112
00:03:36,872 --> 00:03:38,392
- That'll time out beautifully.
- Yeah.
113
00:03:41,792 --> 00:03:44,613
Beau, did you bake?
Wait, are you wearing my apron?
114
00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:45,917
If you're doing an impression of me,
115
00:03:45,941 --> 00:03:47,113
I'm not interested, okay?
116
00:03:47,138 --> 00:03:48,417
I'm not in the mood to be mocked.
117
00:03:48,441 --> 00:03:49,880
I'm just putting the finishing touches
118
00:03:49,904 --> 00:03:50,904
on these cookie tins.
119
00:03:50,929 --> 00:03:52,278
I know it usually
takes most of your day,
120
00:03:52,302 --> 00:03:53,817
so I wanted to get a jump-start on that.
121
00:03:53,841 --> 00:03:56,941
I also threw away my beer-can
ornament collection that you hate.
122
00:03:56,966 --> 00:03:58,801
Even the Santa with the swim trunks
123
00:03:58,826 --> 00:04:00,605
- who's pouring a beer over his head?
- Yeah.
124
00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:02,129
- And Margaritaville?
- Uh-huh.
125
00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:04,363
The one that plays
"I Got Friends in Low Places"?
126
00:04:04,388 --> 00:04:05,754
- Did you like that one?
- No.
127
00:04:05,763 --> 00:04:06,894
You liked some of them.
128
00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:07,919
Didn't like any of them.
129
00:04:07,944 --> 00:04:09,578
- Okay, they're gone.
- I wrapped the gifts.
130
00:04:09,602 --> 00:04:12,473
Uh, you got Jacob a Jason
Statham Blu-ray set.
131
00:04:12,498 --> 00:04:14,347
Actually, I did
my own shopping this year.
132
00:04:14,372 --> 00:04:16,038
Hey, Jacob, we're doing gifts!
133
00:04:16,063 --> 00:04:17,343
What do you mean you did your...
134
00:04:17,368 --> 00:04:19,699
- You bought that yourself?
- I still get gifts this year?
135
00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:20,832
- Yeah.
- I-I just...
136
00:04:20,857 --> 00:04:22,769
I thought maybe broken
homes didn't do it.
137
00:04:22,794 --> 00:04:24,060
This is so exciting!
138
00:04:24,085 --> 00:04:25,676
Okay, well, Jacob, just to be clear...
139
00:04:25,701 --> 00:04:27,285
I-I get it, Mom. I know.
140
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,843
Just because Dad's home does not mean
141
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:30,083
that you guys are getting back together.
142
00:04:30,107 --> 00:04:31,769
I know. I just want
to enjoy the holidays.
143
00:04:31,794 --> 00:04:33,230
That's good, because...
144
00:04:33,255 --> 00:04:36,449
happiness is a journey,
not a destination.
145
00:04:36,474 --> 00:04:37,558
The Buddha.
146
00:04:37,583 --> 00:04:39,573
Yeah, that's something
Rio repeats all the time.
147
00:04:44,259 --> 00:04:45,574
A key?
148
00:04:48,046 --> 00:04:49,879
An ATV?
149
00:04:49,904 --> 00:04:51,604
Yeah!
150
00:04:51,629 --> 00:04:54,136
[LAUGHS] Oh, my gosh!
151
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,604
Well, that is a very
thoughtful and generous gift.
152
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,761
- Okay, take it for a spin.
- Yes!
153
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,871
- Love you guys!
- Golly!
154
00:05:00,896 --> 00:05:02,530
- Okay, you, uh...
- [CLEARS THROAT]
155
00:05:02,555 --> 00:05:04,188
... need any help in the kitchen?
156
00:05:04,785 --> 00:05:06,636
Do I need any what?
157
00:05:06,661 --> 00:05:07,968
Help.
158
00:05:07,993 --> 00:05:09,636
I can't hear you. Say it again.
159
00:05:09,661 --> 00:05:11,675
- Do you need help?
- [VOICE BREAKING] Help?
160
00:05:11,707 --> 00:05:13,566
- One more time.
- I would like to help you.
161
00:05:13,591 --> 00:05:15,730
[SIGHING] Ohh.
Pregnant Mary on the donkey.
162
00:05:16,277 --> 00:05:18,543
RUDY: You can do this. You can do this.
163
00:05:20,018 --> 00:05:22,636
- Merry Christmas!
- [SCREAMS]
164
00:05:22,661 --> 00:05:23,994
CONSTANCE: Geez.
165
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:26,246
Rudy, this is my mama.
166
00:05:26,271 --> 00:05:28,441
So, you're the new boyfriend?
167
00:05:28,466 --> 00:05:30,121
Please, God, don't unwrap me.
168
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:31,800
RUDY: In retrospect,
169
00:05:31,825 --> 00:05:34,074
this was a colossal error in judgment.
170
00:05:34,099 --> 00:05:36,550
Just curious, at your age,
how's your eyesight?
171
00:05:36,575 --> 00:05:37,785
20/20.
172
00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:39,761
Rudy, Mama just got here an hour ago,
173
00:05:39,786 --> 00:05:42,153
- and it was quite a surprise.
- Oh. Mm-hmm.
174
00:05:42,178 --> 00:05:44,611
Constance wouldn't
tell me much about you,
175
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,269
so I feared the worst.
176
00:05:46,294 --> 00:05:49,941
Is that what social media
has done to your generation?
177
00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:51,574
Okay, aside from that pornographic event
178
00:05:51,599 --> 00:05:53,605
that you bore witness to,
I can assure you...
179
00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:55,029
I'm an upstanding gentleman.
180
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,355
Well, Constance is my pride and joy.
181
00:05:57,380 --> 00:06:01,097
My one wish is that she
be well taken care of.
182
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:03,253
So, Mr. Rudy, you got a job?
183
00:06:03,278 --> 00:06:04,652
- Oh, boy.
- Where you live?
184
00:06:04,677 --> 00:06:06,189
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
- You rent or own?
185
00:06:06,213 --> 00:06:08,462
- Oh, dear.
- And what about savings?
186
00:06:08,691 --> 00:06:09,691
"Yes."
187
00:06:09,716 --> 00:06:14,378
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Mama,
Rudy's a very successful farmer.
188
00:06:14,403 --> 00:06:15,684
- That's right.
- Right.
189
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,810
And I have a diverse
investment portfolio, too,
190
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:20,317
that includes stocks,
paper money, gold bullion.
191
00:06:20,342 --> 00:06:23,294
I keep it all in a giant
house on a desirable street.
192
00:06:23,319 --> 00:06:24,606
Is that so?
193
00:06:24,631 --> 00:06:26,325
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Yeah.
194
00:06:27,927 --> 00:06:29,817
- [CHUCKLES]
- [DOOR OPENS]
195
00:06:29,842 --> 00:06:31,934
Please don't contradict
the lies I'm about to tell.
196
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:32,959
What are y...
197
00:06:32,984 --> 00:06:34,688
Welcome to my home!
198
00:06:34,713 --> 00:06:36,802
Mama, this is Rudy's farm.
199
00:06:36,827 --> 00:06:39,302
Mm. And who are these people?
200
00:06:39,327 --> 00:06:42,458
- Um...
- Yeah, who... who are we, Rudy?
201
00:06:42,756 --> 00:06:44,255
Farm hands.
202
00:06:45,997 --> 00:06:47,513
Mike and Rio used
to have their own farm,
203
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:49,027
but they lost it, like morons.
204
00:06:49,052 --> 00:06:50,317
Now they live in my barn.
205
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:52,976
Is that a picture of a
cat holding another cat?
206
00:06:53,001 --> 00:06:54,066
I love it.
207
00:06:54,091 --> 00:06:55,457
Help yourself.
208
00:06:56,747 --> 00:06:58,903
- I showed Belle my genitals.
- You what?
209
00:06:58,928 --> 00:07:00,152
- No, no. No, no.
- I did. I...
210
00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:01,956
You were supposed to
wrap it up for Connie,
211
00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:02,975
- and now you...
- Why would you...?
212
00:07:02,999 --> 00:07:04,978
She showed up in town.
I-I didn't know she'd be there.
213
00:07:05,002 --> 00:07:06,806
- What did you feel like...
- She opened the door...
214
00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:07,823
... and I was like this.
215
00:07:07,848 --> 00:07:09,503
- I'm sorry.
- I suggested he wrap up
216
00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:11,380
like a-a yule log offering.
217
00:07:11,405 --> 00:07:12,606
And now I need to convince my mom
218
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:14,152
that Rudy is good enough for me.
219
00:07:14,177 --> 00:07:16,090
Rudy, I want to keep this.
220
00:07:16,115 --> 00:07:18,283
- Go right ahead.
- How did she get that off the wall?
221
00:07:18,308 --> 00:07:20,590
- Excuse me, Rudy's servants.
- RIO: Uh-huh.
222
00:07:20,615 --> 00:07:21,615
When is dinner?
223
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,088
- Oh, yes. Dinner.
- Dinner.
224
00:07:23,113 --> 00:07:25,697
So, we have not prepared anything
225
00:07:25,722 --> 00:07:27,816
specifically for you, per se.
226
00:07:27,841 --> 00:07:28,972
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Um...
227
00:07:28,997 --> 00:07:31,936
A-A-And yet... And yet,
228
00:07:31,961 --> 00:07:36,987
we have a Christmas goose
that we have prepared.
229
00:07:37,012 --> 00:07:38,710
- For thy.
- Thy.
230
00:07:38,735 --> 00:07:40,046
Now put a pep in your step.
231
00:07:40,070 --> 00:07:42,299
- I don't want to have to beat you both.
- What?
232
00:07:42,324 --> 00:07:43,604
[ENGINE REVVING]
233
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,851
[IMITATES ENGINE REVVING]
234
00:07:46,876 --> 00:07:48,943
[AIR HISSING]
235
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,521
They put that valve in
an interesting place.
236
00:07:53,546 --> 00:07:54,578
[LAUGHS]
237
00:07:54,603 --> 00:07:56,479
But I'm not thinking
about that kinda stuff.
238
00:07:56,504 --> 00:07:57,840
- It's Christmas.
- Yeah.
239
00:07:57,865 --> 00:07:59,760
Thank you for everything you did today.
240
00:07:59,785 --> 00:08:00,765
You're welcome.
241
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:02,620
I'm sorry that you even feel
like you have to thank me.
242
00:08:02,644 --> 00:08:05,403
It's stuff I should've been just doing
most of the time anyway.
243
00:08:05,428 --> 00:08:07,038
But... And I never thanked you.
244
00:08:07,063 --> 00:08:08,107
[ENGINE REVVING IN DISTANCE]
245
00:08:08,131 --> 00:08:09,541
Shut... Shut up.
246
00:08:09,574 --> 00:08:11,003
Shut up your mouth.
247
00:08:11,028 --> 00:08:12,797
My life was so much better
when you were in it.
248
00:08:12,821 --> 00:08:14,588
And I know why we are where we are,
249
00:08:14,613 --> 00:08:16,640
but I just want you to
know that I accept that,
250
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:18,499
and I'm grateful for you.
251
00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,288
[SIGHS]
252
00:08:20,313 --> 00:08:21,344
[VOICE BREAKING] What did you just say?
253
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,452
I'm grateful for you.
254
00:08:22,477 --> 00:08:24,559
Oh, my God. Sweet baby Jesus in the hay.
255
00:08:24,584 --> 00:08:26,729
I've got four or five more snowmen,
256
00:08:26,754 --> 00:08:28,274
- if you want me to blow those up.
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:08:28,298 --> 00:08:30,218
Or, um, put on those Christmas pajamas
258
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,360
that you bought me 15 years
ago that I refused to wear?
259
00:08:32,384 --> 00:08:34,423
- Oh.
- I could mist those poinsettias.
260
00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:35,689
They look like they could use that.
261
00:08:35,713 --> 00:08:37,813
No, there's just one thing
I want from you right now.
262
00:08:37,838 --> 00:08:40,321
I want you to make love to me,
you son of a bitch.
263
00:08:40,346 --> 00:08:41,645
I agree.
264
00:08:41,670 --> 00:08:43,290
[ENGINE REVVING]
265
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:44,882
Whoo!
266
00:08:45,430 --> 00:08:46,884
- Ta-da.
- Oh!
267
00:08:46,909 --> 00:08:48,844
- This looks delicious!
- CONSTANCE: Lovely.
268
00:08:48,869 --> 00:08:50,126
- Thank you.
- Yes.
269
00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:51,391
I hope you enjoy.
270
00:08:51,416 --> 00:08:53,384
Can you blend mine with some water?
271
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:55,313
You... You would like a goose smoothie?
272
00:08:55,338 --> 00:08:57,119
Ooh, that sounds delicious.
I'll have one of those, too.
273
00:08:57,143 --> 00:08:59,290
That's not necessary.
We're fine to chew.
274
00:08:59,315 --> 00:09:01,235
- Great.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
275
00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:03,231
Are they eating with us?
276
00:09:05,761 --> 00:09:07,462
I'm sorry, but you must leave.
277
00:09:07,487 --> 00:09:09,235
Just so I'm tracking this,
278
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:10,766
you want us to go to the barn
279
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:14,102
and not enjoy this goose
that we brined for six days
280
00:09:14,127 --> 00:09:15,387
and then air-dried overnight
281
00:09:15,412 --> 00:09:16,711
so it would be perfectly crisp?
282
00:09:16,736 --> 00:09:18,330
You'll eat hay,
and you'll enjoy it, too!
283
00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:19,446
Um...
284
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,259
- Yeah. Well...
- As you wish.
285
00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:24,055
Yes. I guess we are...
286
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,024
going over to the barn where we squat.
287
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:27,719
I'm grabbing just a goose leg...
288
00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,180
You heard Mrs. Byrd. You get now!
289
00:09:30,205 --> 00:09:32,220
The only thing you're gonna
taste is the back of my hand!
290
00:09:32,244 --> 00:09:34,165
- Oh, wow. Yes, s...
- You get now!
291
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:35,313
- Okay.
- You get!
292
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,313
[WHISPERING] I'm so sorry.
293
00:09:37,338 --> 00:09:39,516
Mom, Dad, I just did a double skid jump!
294
00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:40,919
- It was...
- Oh, God! No!
295
00:09:40,944 --> 00:09:41,944
[SHRIEKS]
296
00:09:41,969 --> 00:09:43,251
It's not... Oh, no!
297
00:09:43,276 --> 00:09:44,872
Jacob, you're dreaming!
298
00:09:44,897 --> 00:09:46,008
- You're dreaming.
- [DOOR SLAMS]
299
00:09:46,032 --> 00:09:49,071
RIO: This is crazy.
We get no dinner, no house.
300
00:09:49,096 --> 00:09:51,029
It is shockingly cold in here.
301
00:09:51,054 --> 00:09:53,135
You know, we just wanted
one night away from everybody.
302
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,345
- I know.
- And now they're inside
303
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,540
- eating our goose.
- I know.
304
00:09:55,565 --> 00:09:56,577
- It's your goose.
- And we're in a barn...
305
00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:57,688
without a toilet.
306
00:09:57,713 --> 00:10:00,219
- Just like Santa, right?
- How's that?
307
00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:01,713
You know, it's like Santa
went up to the North Pole
308
00:10:01,737 --> 00:10:03,486
and he turned into a reindeer
and then he came on down.
309
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:04,517
That's exactly it.
310
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:06,376
- Was it?
- Yeah. At least we're alone.
311
00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:07,470
- Yeah.
- I mean, no one's gonna
312
00:10:07,494 --> 00:10:09,116
find us out here in this barn.
313
00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:10,337
Ah, sorry!
314
00:10:10,362 --> 00:10:11,641
Oh, my God. Jacob!
315
00:10:11,666 --> 00:10:13,822
Do you guys have anything that
I can gouge my eyes out with?
316
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,985
- What's going on?
- I saw my parents having sex.
317
00:10:16,017 --> 00:10:17,017
- Oh, yikes.
- Wow.
318
00:10:17,042 --> 00:10:18,455
The whole house smelled
like an iguana tank,
319
00:10:18,479 --> 00:10:20,145
and we do not have an iguana.
320
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,477
Oh, God.
321
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:24,548
Do not tell my parents that I'm here.
322
00:10:24,573 --> 00:10:26,248
- Hold on a second.
- I'm never going home...
323
00:10:26,272 --> 00:10:28,181
This is ridiculous,
because now we're not even alone.
324
00:10:28,205 --> 00:10:29,483
- No, I know!
- So I'm gonna tell you right now,
325
00:10:29,484 --> 00:10:30,868
I'm going in to get some goose.
326
00:10:30,893 --> 00:10:33,852
I'll be damned if I don't
get at least a goose leg.
327
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:35,438
Yeah, I'll be damned if you're damned!
328
00:10:35,463 --> 00:10:36,774
Go get your goose, baby!
329
00:10:36,799 --> 00:10:38,298
I hate everything!
330
00:10:38,323 --> 00:10:40,493
- Uh, good luck with that.
- Yeah. Thanks.
331
00:10:40,518 --> 00:10:42,051
Hey, Jacob, I'm coming up there, okay?
332
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:43,109
No!
333
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:46,407
Hey, buddy.
334
00:10:49,129 --> 00:10:50,462
Hi.
335
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:52,320
I like your sweater.
336
00:10:52,345 --> 00:10:53,911
- Oh.
- You look really pretty.
337
00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:55,774
Thanks, Jacob. Very sweet.
338
00:10:55,799 --> 00:10:57,993
- [SIGHS]
- Listen, do you want to talk?
339
00:10:58,018 --> 00:10:59,993
My dad has so much hair on his back...
340
00:11:00,018 --> 00:11:01,719
... and mom was using it like a handle.
341
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,634
- Ooh.
- I saw both their tongues!
342
00:11:03,659 --> 00:11:04,776
- Oh, wow.
- It looked like
343
00:11:04,801 --> 00:11:05,849
they were hurting each other,
344
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,557
- but they were smiling.
- Yeah, this is...
345
00:11:07,582 --> 00:11:09,573
- Is that regular? Is that normal?
- Listen.
346
00:11:09,598 --> 00:11:11,143
I can't imagine what that's like.
347
00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:12,234
It's a lot.
348
00:11:12,259 --> 00:11:14,229
It's upsetting to process all this.
349
00:11:14,254 --> 00:11:15,628
Hey, do you want to go to Main Street
350
00:11:15,652 --> 00:11:16,718
and watch me do skids?
351
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,604
- No, thank you.
- I'm really awesome at them.
352
00:11:18,629 --> 00:11:19,823
- I'm sure.
- Can I kiss you?
353
00:11:19,848 --> 00:11:21,596
No. No, no, no, no.
354
00:11:21,621 --> 00:11:23,449
- I think I'm in love with you.
- Okay, you're not...
355
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:24,987
No, no, no. I want to marry Janine.
356
00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:26,823
You've got a lot of emotions
357
00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:28,596
that are wrestling with each other.
358
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,822
- You got to process...
- Rio, can I ask you a question?
359
00:11:30,847 --> 00:11:32,313
You can ask me a question.
360
00:11:32,338 --> 00:11:33,937
But if it has to do with kissing
361
00:11:33,962 --> 00:11:35,987
or anything romantic, the answer is no.
362
00:11:36,012 --> 00:11:37,698
Okay? So, that's not gonna change.
363
00:11:37,723 --> 00:11:39,143
What's your question?
364
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,338
Merry Christmas.
365
00:11:43,363 --> 00:11:44,690
Merry Christmas.
366
00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:46,424
- Good question.
- [DOOR OPENS]
367
00:11:46,449 --> 00:11:48,347
RUDY: That was back when I
was a Wall Street bigwig.
368
00:11:48,371 --> 00:11:49,901
I rode around in a limo made of gold,
369
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:52,174
which was very heavy and slow.
370
00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:54,596
- [SILVERWARE CLINKS SOFTLY]
- He's stealing!
371
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,548
Aah!
372
00:11:56,573 --> 00:11:57,963
- Go get yourself a job!
- Hey!
373
00:11:57,988 --> 00:11:59,587
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
374
00:11:59,612 --> 00:12:01,502
Rudy does so much for you.
375
00:12:01,527 --> 00:12:04,284
And after you were irresponsible enough
376
00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:06,002
to lose your farm.
377
00:12:06,027 --> 00:12:08,127
You are pathetic.
378
00:12:11,237 --> 00:12:13,721
She's right. You're pathetic.
379
00:12:13,746 --> 00:12:15,088
You'll always be pathetic,
380
00:12:15,113 --> 00:12:16,914
living a life like that.
381
00:12:19,382 --> 00:12:21,024
You know, Belle...
382
00:12:21,862 --> 00:12:25,102
you may judge me for living in a barn,
383
00:12:25,127 --> 00:12:28,797
but I am way more than a
list of the things I own.
384
00:12:28,822 --> 00:12:30,672
I'm an incredible person.
385
00:12:30,697 --> 00:12:32,211
And I think if you got to know me,
386
00:12:32,236 --> 00:12:34,815
you would love me the same way
that Constance loves me.
387
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,846
What? You're in love with this guy, too?
388
00:12:36,871 --> 00:12:38,346
No, she needs to hear the truth.
389
00:12:38,378 --> 00:12:40,440
- Rudy...
- I'm the one that lives in a barn.
390
00:12:40,465 --> 00:12:42,120
Mike and his wife, Rio, live here.
391
00:12:42,145 --> 00:12:43,768
I'm jobless, I have $10 to my name,
392
00:12:43,793 --> 00:12:45,237
and my best friend is a goat.
393
00:12:45,262 --> 00:12:47,627
Yesterday, I had a handful
of loose sugar for dinner.
394
00:12:47,752 --> 00:12:51,120
Constance Lucretia Byrd Terry...
395
00:12:51,194 --> 00:12:52,557
I'm ashamed of you.
396
00:12:52,582 --> 00:12:53,982
Now box up that goose,
397
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,955
get your things, and let's go.
398
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:59,471
[WHEELCHAIR BEEPS, WHIRS, THUDS]
399
00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:04,221
[THUD]
400
00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:07,308
[WHEELCHAIR BEEPS, WHIRS]
401
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:08,338
[OBJECT CRASHES]
402
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:10,120
Rudy, she's just tired.
403
00:13:10,145 --> 00:13:12,088
She goes to bed at 3:00.
404
00:13:12,113 --> 00:13:13,651
I will calm her down.
405
00:13:13,676 --> 00:13:16,213
BELLE: Constance,
don't make me wheel myself home.
406
00:13:16,238 --> 00:13:18,286
I'm sorry that I lied. I was ashamed.
407
00:13:18,311 --> 00:13:20,548
Those were very nice things
you said about yourself.
408
00:13:20,573 --> 00:13:22,901
Yeah. I was talking
about my friend Rudy.
409
00:13:22,926 --> 00:13:24,526
I thought so. I just wanted to be sure.
410
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:25,651
I've got some crying to do,
411
00:13:25,676 --> 00:13:26,855
and you probably don't
want to hear that.
412
00:13:26,879 --> 00:13:28,229
Do you want this pillow?
413
00:13:28,261 --> 00:13:29,705
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
414
00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:30,885
I'll leave you to it.
415
00:13:32,037 --> 00:13:34,302
[SOBBING]
416
00:13:34,588 --> 00:13:36,932
- Merry Christmas!
- RIO: Your parents are here.
417
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:38,549
JACOB: I've seen enough of them today!
418
00:13:38,574 --> 00:13:40,213
Son, just... just...
Just come down here.
419
00:13:40,238 --> 00:13:41,824
- KAY: Jacob, this is ridiculous!
- Come here. Come here.
420
00:13:41,848 --> 00:13:43,909
Nothing even happened.
You were hallucinating.
421
00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:45,680
- I wish I was hallucinating!
- Okay, okay.
422
00:13:45,705 --> 00:13:48,010
Li... Yeah, I think we
should, you know, find truth
423
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,502
when speaking to our children.
424
00:13:49,527 --> 00:13:50,644
Are you guys getting back together?
425
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:51,668
- No.
- We're not?
426
00:13:51,693 --> 00:13:53,003
- Well, you tell me.
- You tell me!
427
00:13:53,027 --> 00:13:54,932
I can't listen to this anymore!
428
00:13:54,957 --> 00:13:56,229
I'm never coming home,
429
00:13:56,254 --> 00:13:57,298
I'm going to Hollywood,
430
00:13:57,323 --> 00:13:58,846
and I'm gonna work in show business.
431
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,171
The hell you are, boy!
432
00:14:00,196 --> 00:14:03,354
I'm gonna go to...
to Wall Street and be on Broadway.
433
00:14:03,379 --> 00:14:04,596
Where are my savings bonds?
434
00:14:04,621 --> 00:14:06,158
- You're not going to show business...
- Well...
435
00:14:06,182 --> 00:14:08,424
And you're not cashing
those bonds until you're 21!
436
00:14:08,449 --> 00:14:10,139
We're gonna stay in this
barn all night long!
437
00:14:10,163 --> 00:14:11,691
Do you hear me?
We are never gonna leave!
438
00:14:11,715 --> 00:14:14,229
We're spending Christmas together,
like a family!
439
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,221
We're never gonna talk
about what happened!
440
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,627
- Hey, now, boy!
- Oh, my God.
441
00:14:17,652 --> 00:14:19,566
- You watch yourself!
- That is a lot of anger.
442
00:14:19,591 --> 00:14:21,113
And I don't know where you get it!
443
00:14:21,138 --> 00:14:22,971
Stop that ladder right there!
Put that back!
444
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,270
You leave that ladder right there!
445
00:14:24,294 --> 00:14:26,019
- This seems good.
- [INDISTINCT ARGUING]
446
00:14:26,044 --> 00:14:27,659
- Kee... Stay in it.
- You're not going to Hollywood!
447
00:14:27,683 --> 00:14:28,996
[ARGUING CONTINUES]
448
00:14:29,021 --> 00:14:31,769
I'll just run up there!
Get out of my way!
449
00:14:34,877 --> 00:14:36,201
- Great news.
- Okay.
450
00:14:36,226 --> 00:14:39,061
I found a Boston Market
40 minutes from here.
451
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,342
Great, and you know what?
They're gonna be fine.
452
00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:42,586
- They're fine.
- They're... They're...
453
00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:44,330
- They're gonna manage this...
- KAY: Jacob!
454
00:14:44,598 --> 00:14:45,993
- It's not... It's not what you think!
- Jacob!
455
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:47,196
- Don't you throttle that!
- [ENGINE STARTS, REVS]
456
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,253
Your mother was checking me for ticks!
457
00:14:50,819 --> 00:14:52,929
- Are you kidding me?!
- You seduced me.
458
00:14:52,954 --> 00:14:54,024
- KAY: I couldn't help it!
- Um...
459
00:14:54,048 --> 00:14:55,375
Came in hot with all those chores.
460
00:14:55,399 --> 00:14:57,196
What do you think I'm gonna do,
keep my pants on?
461
00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:58,663
You got another think coming.
462
00:14:58,984 --> 00:15:01,671
Nothing like a long drive to a fast-food
restaurant on Christmas, right?
463
00:15:01,695 --> 00:15:03,631
- That's right. That's right.
- Whatever drama
464
00:15:03,656 --> 00:15:05,640
that they have going on
is their drama exclusively.
465
00:15:05,664 --> 00:15:06,976
Yeah, that's them. That's them.
466
00:15:07,001 --> 00:15:08,993
- It's... It's not ours, so...
- No. Everyone here is an adult.
467
00:15:09,017 --> 00:15:10,485
- I'm not taking it on.
- We're guilt-free.
468
00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:11,789
- I'm not taking...
- We'll go...
469
00:15:11,846 --> 00:15:13,765
- I can hear a dre...
- We need a third
470
00:15:13,790 --> 00:15:15,141
- to go find Jacob!
- I can hear Rudy
471
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,844
crying inside your house!
You gotta do something!
472
00:15:16,868 --> 00:15:17,874
- Okay.
- ...Rio.
473
00:15:17,899 --> 00:15:18,927
Hey!
474
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,047
- Let's at least take...
- What's the holdup?!
475
00:15:20,071 --> 00:15:21,871
- ... five seconds of alone time.
- Hey, guys!
476
00:15:22,611 --> 00:15:23,724
Guys.
477
00:15:23,749 --> 00:15:25,663
Please, we need you!
478
00:15:25,703 --> 00:15:26,797
- No, it's Christmas!
- All right!
479
00:15:26,821 --> 00:15:28,719
- It ain't kissy time!
- We don't have time for this!
480
00:15:28,743 --> 00:15:30,104
- Let's divide and conquer it.
- Okay.
481
00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:31,532
- I'll do Constance...
- You go to Connie's. I'm gonna get...
482
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,557
- Yeah, okay. Okay.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
483
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:33,773
- Oh, Mike.
- Hi.
484
00:15:33,798 --> 00:15:36,234
Constance, uh, can we talk about this?
485
00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:37,836
Just keep it down.
Mom's in the back room,
486
00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,124
watching "Succession" on her tablet.
487
00:15:40,149 --> 00:15:41,149
Please, how's Rudy?
488
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,023
Tell him I'll talk to
him after my mama leaves.
489
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:45,562
You know how you usually
give us tough love?
490
00:15:45,587 --> 00:15:47,468
Well, I'm here to give
you some tough love.
491
00:15:47,493 --> 00:15:48,515
Pretend I'm you.
492
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:50,960
Now, what would you tell
you in this situation?
493
00:15:50,985 --> 00:15:53,367
I know I should stand up to my mama.
494
00:15:53,392 --> 00:15:55,640
But after not doing
it for so many years,
495
00:15:55,665 --> 00:15:57,382
I don't know why I should start now.
496
00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,406
I think Rudy is... Is the "why."
497
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:01,798
You know, if I'm you,
I don't want to lose him.
498
00:16:01,823 --> 00:16:03,695
I thought I was being me.
499
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,120
Yes, exactly. You are being you.
500
00:16:06,153 --> 00:16:07,972
- Constance is Mike.
- What?
501
00:16:07,997 --> 00:16:10,551
So what would Constance-you
tell Mike-yourself?
502
00:16:10,745 --> 00:16:13,527
I'd say, "Constance,
get your head out your ass."
503
00:16:13,552 --> 00:16:15,832
Boom. And it sounds
so good when you say it.
504
00:16:15,857 --> 00:16:17,168
[SIGHS]
505
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:18,912
- KAY: It just happened, okay, Beau?
- BEAU: I know.
506
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:19,943
I wasn't thinking about it.
507
00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:21,934
I just felt an urge, and I went for it,
508
00:16:21,959 --> 00:16:23,911
and you reciprocated, and there we were.
509
00:16:23,936 --> 00:16:25,896
Well, I just wish you would tell me
what you want it to mean.
510
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,052
Well, I don't know what it means
511
00:16:27,076 --> 00:16:28,848
that we threw a nickel
into the old arcade.
512
00:16:28,873 --> 00:16:30,443
- Guys, this is really good stuff.
- [SIGHS]
513
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,840
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable,
514
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:34,145
because communication is
the pathway to breakthrough.
515
00:16:34,170 --> 00:16:36,184
Your volume is so annoying.
516
00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:37,646
This is why people don't do therapy,
517
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:38,881
'cause you're just
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
518
00:16:38,905 --> 00:16:40,419
- I can't hear you!
- If you regret it,
519
00:16:40,443 --> 00:16:42,192
just tell me, and I can handle it.
520
00:16:42,217 --> 00:16:44,426
I don't regret it, Beau. Oh, my God.
521
00:16:44,458 --> 00:16:46,348
There's one thing I'm sure of. I...
522
00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:48,282
I loved it.
523
00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:50,160
[CHUCKLING] You did?
524
00:16:50,278 --> 00:16:51,611
Yeah.
525
00:16:52,104 --> 00:16:53,379
So did I.
526
00:16:53,404 --> 00:16:54,888
- Rio, what does that mean?
- Tell us what it means, huh?
527
00:16:54,912 --> 00:16:55,918
What... What's it mean?
528
00:16:55,943 --> 00:16:57,184
So, as a therapist,
529
00:16:57,209 --> 00:16:59,262
it's not my job to kinda
tell you how you feel.
530
00:16:59,287 --> 00:17:00,379
That's up to you.
531
00:17:00,404 --> 00:17:02,076
Then why the hell would
anyone go to a therapist?
532
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,167
And then why do they call you guys
"life's referee"?
533
00:17:04,192 --> 00:17:05,262
They don't.
534
00:17:05,287 --> 00:17:07,326
- Rio, just tell us what it means!
- Just tell us, please.
535
00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:08,595
- Stop.
- Why are you putting us through this?
536
00:17:08,619 --> 00:17:10,357
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
[SNAPS FINGERS] Jacob.
537
00:17:10,381 --> 00:17:11,382
- There he is.
- BEAU AND KAY: Oh!
538
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,387
See, he's doing the
sad-boy donuts over there.
539
00:17:13,738 --> 00:17:15,237
Just pull over.
540
00:17:15,262 --> 00:17:16,872
Guys, you can just be
glad that it happened,
541
00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:18,996
be open to your future,
and keep communicating, okay?
542
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:20,770
- Finally.
- Took you long enough.
543
00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:22,371
- Guys.
- Huh?
544
00:17:22,396 --> 00:17:24,162
This is where you go talk to Jacob.
545
00:17:24,187 --> 00:17:25,187
[SIGHS]
546
00:17:26,538 --> 00:17:27,773
- Guys.
- What?
547
00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:28,913
Go. Talk to him.
548
00:17:28,938 --> 00:17:29,938
[GROANS]
549
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,672
It's gonna be hard to
make eye contact with him
550
00:17:31,696 --> 00:17:32,976
after he saw what we were doing.
551
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:34,835
It was something I saw on Facebook.
552
00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:35,866
I reported it,
553
00:17:35,891 --> 00:17:37,476
but then it really stuck with me.
554
00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:39,452
BELLE: Wait.
555
00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:40,741
What's he doing here?
556
00:17:40,766 --> 00:17:42,429
It's that son of a bitch with the goose.
557
00:17:42,454 --> 00:17:44,587
Mama, there's something
you need to hear.
558
00:17:44,712 --> 00:17:47,937
- Rudy is a fantastic man who's...
- [DOOR OPENS]
559
00:17:47,962 --> 00:17:49,718
Constance, I'm sorry for the intrusion.
560
00:17:49,743 --> 00:17:51,773
Mrs. Byrd, I do have an asset...
561
00:17:51,798 --> 00:17:53,632
A Lou Gehrig baseball
card in mint condition.
562
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:56,187
It would go for $3- or $4 million.
563
00:17:56,212 --> 00:17:57,457
And I know it's real because I bought it
564
00:17:57,481 --> 00:18:00,030
from a reliable young
man in a tie-dye blazer.
565
00:18:00,055 --> 00:18:02,823
Constance, this man
cannot take care of you.
566
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:07,151
The value of baseball cards
is plummeting every day.
567
00:18:07,309 --> 00:18:08,791
You've met Rio's mom.
568
00:18:08,816 --> 00:18:11,065
If I can do that, you can do this.
569
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,268
[INHALES DEEPLY]
570
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,861
No, Mom.
571
00:18:15,213 --> 00:18:17,635
I don't need a man to take care of me.
572
00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:19,038
You should know because you taught me
573
00:18:19,062 --> 00:18:20,323
how to take care of myself.
574
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,014
The only thing I need
from a man is love,
575
00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:24,916
and he's got... he's got
plenty of that to give.
576
00:18:24,941 --> 00:18:26,877
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
577
00:18:26,902 --> 00:18:28,268
So back off...
578
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,799
ma'am.
579
00:18:31,580 --> 00:18:33,721
Also, ma'am,
and I can't say this enough,
580
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,646
there was no need for
you to see my genitals.
581
00:18:35,671 --> 00:18:37,643
That is, and shall remain, my bad.
582
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:40,747
Constance, I cannot
believe you're defying me.
583
00:18:40,772 --> 00:18:42,708
But love is love, apparently.
584
00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:45,708
Otherwise, I don't know
why you would choose him.
585
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:48,233
Well, I guess I do know one reason.
586
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:51,020
That was quite the Christmas bow.
587
00:18:51,045 --> 00:18:52,045
[CLICKS TONGUE]
588
00:18:52,070 --> 00:18:54,504
I see you, girl. I see you.
589
00:18:54,529 --> 00:19:01,403
♪ Have yourself a merry
little Christmas ♪
590
00:19:01,903 --> 00:19:07,731
♪ Let your heart be light ♪
591
00:19:08,257 --> 00:19:12,387
♪ Next year, all our troubles ♪
592
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:18,208
♪ Will be out of sight ♪
593
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:31,727
This is nice, you know.
Just the two of us.
594
00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:35,209
Yeah, all alone... just you,
me, and... and a goose.
595
00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:36,312
That's what we wanted, right?
596
00:19:36,336 --> 00:19:38,358
- That was our Christmas wish, right?
- Yeah.
597
00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:39,975
And Chris... Christmas,
you get a wish, right?
598
00:19:39,999 --> 00:19:40,999
Don't you get a wish?
599
00:19:41,024 --> 00:19:42,756
Yeah, you... You get a Christmas wish.
600
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:43,992
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
601
00:19:45,039 --> 00:19:48,774
Hmm. [SIGHS]
602
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,286
- Do you miss them at all?
- Yes!
603
00:19:54,311 --> 00:19:55,944
[LAUGHTER]
604
00:19:55,969 --> 00:19:59,788
Four extra deer, and he said Santa...
Santa's been drinking again.
605
00:19:59,813 --> 00:20:00,961
[LAUGHTER]
606
00:20:00,986 --> 00:20:03,337
Well, he broke the law.
Santa broke the law.
607
00:20:03,362 --> 00:20:05,468
BEAU: I have not heard that one.
608
00:20:05,493 --> 00:20:06,647
How you doing, buddy?
609
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,249
- Oh, I'm fine.
- Mm-hmm.
610
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:10,631
I really like your apron.
It's got nice eyes.
611
00:20:10,656 --> 00:20:11,747
- MIKE: Okay, there, Jacob.
- Oh. Okay. [CHUCKLES]
612
00:20:11,771 --> 00:20:13,585
I brought the custard I made.
613
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:15,483
Time has not been kind to it.
It's a bit runny.
614
00:20:15,508 --> 00:20:17,885
It's more of a nog than a pie,
but it looks delicious.
615
00:20:17,910 --> 00:20:20,055
- It is like a nog.
- I can't wait to ladle out some.
616
00:20:20,171 --> 00:20:22,023
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Hup! Hup! Hup!
617
00:20:22,048 --> 00:20:23,113
Hup! Hup!
618
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:25,502
I can't believe we were
gonna do this alone.
619
00:20:25,527 --> 00:20:28,478
I know. This is the perfect
first Bucksnort Christmas.
620
00:20:28,503 --> 00:20:29,503
[GLASS CLINKS]
621
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:32,721
I am so thankful to be here with Rudy...
622
00:20:32,746 --> 00:20:34,279
my mom, and all of you.
623
00:20:34,304 --> 00:20:35,777
- Aww.
- My family.
624
00:20:36,097 --> 00:20:37,136
Thanks.
625
00:20:37,161 --> 00:20:38,933
You think we're family?
626
00:20:38,958 --> 00:20:40,456
- Well, duh.
- Yes. Yes.
627
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,292
To family?
628
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:45,136
- I like that. Sure.
- To family.
629
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,769
- Family.
- Hear, hear.
630
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,222
Rudy.
631
00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:51,425
When do we get to eat this goat?
632
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:52,956
- [THERESA BLEATS]
- CONSTANCE: No.
633
00:20:52,981 --> 00:20:54,199
Manners, Theresa.
634
00:20:54,224 --> 00:20:55,316
Eat your Christmas turnip.
635
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,074
- [LAUGHTER]
- RIO: What?
46948
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.