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1
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Do you ever think about dying?
2
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,051
I just watched Chernobyl on HBO.
3
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There were so many people dying,
4
00:00:09,261 --> 00:00:10,983
I couldn't even laugh at the jokes.
5
00:00:11,081 --> 00:00:12,932
You never know
what's gonna get ya, Francine.
6
00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:14,331
Take my friend, Jennifer.
7
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She got warts on her
feet walking barefoot
8
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:17,939
at a Rascal Flatts concert.
9
00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:19,888
Which is why I always wear foot condoms.
10
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:21,707
You'd think they don't
make condoms that big.
11
00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:23,366
But I've got a guy? Downtown?
12
00:00:23,463 --> 00:00:25,380
He'll make you condoms
any size you want.
13
00:00:25,479 --> 00:00:28,696
Roger! I'm trying
to talk to you about death.
14
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:31,231
Do you realize we could go at any time?
15
00:00:31,328 --> 00:00:33,083
And as if that weren't bad enough,
16
00:00:33,180 --> 00:00:36,040
Jennifer's having a crisis
with her adult daughter, Ricki.
17
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,144
Can you listen to me?
18
00:00:37,242 --> 00:00:38,706
Ricki won't move out of the house.
19
00:00:38,802 --> 00:00:40,916
And now Ricki's adult
mom's new boyfriend,
20
00:00:41,013 --> 00:00:42,540
Douglath... that's how he pronounces it
21
00:00:42,638 --> 00:00:44,458
because he says that's the
"official" way...
22
00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:45,693
- Douglath...
- Ugh!
23
00:00:45,791 --> 00:00:47,870
He's so annoying!
24
00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:50,989
Brain, do what Roger sounds like.
25
00:00:51,088 --> 00:00:54,468
- "Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah."
- That's exactly right, brain.
26
00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:55,800
Good impression.
27
00:00:55,897 --> 00:00:58,141
Ugh, maybe I should just go.
28
00:00:58,238 --> 00:00:59,538
Yeah, good idea.
29
00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,195
- I'm gonna go.
- Oh, don't go!
30
00:01:01,293 --> 00:01:03,406
Having you here makes me feel so heard.
31
00:01:03,502 --> 00:01:05,096
I guess that's why you're my best friend
32
00:01:05,192 --> 00:01:06,557
in the whole wide world.
33
00:01:06,655 --> 00:01:08,377
- I'm your best friend?
- Yes.
34
00:01:08,475 --> 00:01:09,775
What about Stan?
35
00:01:09,873 --> 00:01:12,244
He's been distant since
we kissed at Coachella.
36
00:01:12,342 --> 00:01:14,129
- How about Klaus?
- Derendorf?
37
00:01:14,227 --> 00:01:15,657
The LA-based record producer?
38
00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:17,379
- I barely know him!
- What about Steve?
39
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,452
Potrowski?
40
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,883
- Hayley...
- Joel Osment?
41
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,605
A solid friend, but we'll never be
42
00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:22,807
as close as you and me.
43
00:01:22,905 --> 00:01:24,042
Ugh.
44
00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:26,220
I guess I could hang out a bit longer.
45
00:01:26,318 --> 00:01:27,649
Good. Oh, get this!
46
00:01:27,747 --> 00:01:30,217
Jennifer's daughter had
sex with a man at SeaWorld.
47
00:01:30,315 --> 00:01:31,744
In front of the dolphins.
48
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,377
And the dolphins started
acting all weird after.
49
00:01:34,475 --> 00:01:37,107
They had to pour CBD oil into the tank.
50
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:44,623
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:01:44,657 --> 00:01:47,831
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
52
00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:50,952
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
53
00:01:51,048 --> 00:01:55,112
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
54
00:01:56,964 --> 00:02:00,148
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
55
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,392
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
56
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,692
Aah!
57
00:02:04,927 --> 00:02:08,177
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
58
00:02:12,661 --> 00:02:16,562
Death. Death. Death. Death.
59
00:02:16,659 --> 00:02:19,194
Death. Death. Death.
60
00:02:19,292 --> 00:02:22,101
Oh, Franci-ine! I got an update...
61
00:02:22,135 --> 00:02:23,386
...about Ricki's adult mom
62
00:02:23,484 --> 00:02:25,792
Jennifer's boyfriend, Douglaaaath!
63
00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:27,156
Hmm.
64
00:02:27,253 --> 00:02:28,814
Where is she?
65
00:02:29,542 --> 00:02:31,252
Oh, hey, Hayley. Puttin' in a tampon?
66
00:02:31,348 --> 00:02:32,649
Get out!
67
00:02:32,746 --> 00:02:34,957
Sheesh.
Must be that time of the month.
68
00:02:36,581 --> 00:02:38,336
Ooh, a visitor.
69
00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,320
- Welcome to my alcove.
- Shh!
70
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:41,943
I'm hiding out from Roger,
71
00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:44,965
and this is the last place
anyone would ever go.
72
00:02:45,063 --> 00:02:48,444
Visitors can sometimes
say the cruelest things.
73
00:02:48,541 --> 00:02:52,440
Alas, why was I born loving visitors so?
74
00:02:52,538 --> 00:02:56,080
You must never let a visitor
see your tears, Klaus.
75
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,810
Ha-ha! Good one, Francine.
76
00:03:00,078 --> 00:03:01,736
I'm actually off to a bit of a spa day
77
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,002
in the kitchen.
78
00:03:03,101 --> 00:03:04,888
You should come with.
79
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:05,993
Francine?
80
00:03:06,091 --> 00:03:08,073
You in here cooking up some yogurt?
81
00:03:13,273 --> 00:03:16,847
Ahh. Nothing like a good steam.
82
00:03:19,415 --> 00:03:21,527
So, what's going on with you and Roger?
83
00:03:21,624 --> 00:03:23,705
He doesn't listen to me anymore.
84
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,338
He's always blah, blah, blah nonstop.
85
00:03:26,435 --> 00:03:28,255
Seems like maybe the
door is opening wider
86
00:03:28,353 --> 00:03:30,043
for our friendship.
87
00:03:30,141 --> 00:03:31,115
Uch.
88
00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:33,066
I don't come to the spa to be hit on
89
00:03:33,162 --> 00:03:35,275
by little orange lame-os.
90
00:03:35,372 --> 00:03:38,460
I'm trying to solve
my problem with Roger.
91
00:03:38,558 --> 00:03:41,256
Well, you could be honest
with him about your feelings.
92
00:03:41,353 --> 00:03:43,854
Like you are with me
for some cruel reason.
93
00:03:43,952 --> 00:03:46,292
- Meh.
- Well, if it's his constant gabbing
94
00:03:46,390 --> 00:03:49,640
that's driving you crazy,
go somewhere he can't talk.
95
00:03:49,737 --> 00:03:50,776
Like space!
96
00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:53,084
- Or the movies.
- Oh, that's great.
97
00:03:53,181 --> 00:03:54,515
Because it's closer.
98
00:03:54,612 --> 00:03:56,334
And I know how to get there.
99
00:03:56,433 --> 00:03:57,861
And I have a coupon.
100
00:03:57,959 --> 00:04:00,429
And you can't eat Goobers in space.
101
00:04:00,526 --> 00:04:02,316
They'd float away!
102
00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:04,395
I think that's enough reasons.
103
00:04:07,346 --> 00:04:10,243
So it turns out,
Ricki's boyfriend wasn't a lawyer.
104
00:04:10,341 --> 00:04:13,757
He was just carrying a briefcase
to and from Starbucks every day.
105
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,905
- Jennifer was crushed.
- Shh!
106
00:04:16,002 --> 00:04:19,062
Mister, you're ruining my
first trip to the movies.
107
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:21,339
I see right through you, pal.
You're not a little kid.
108
00:04:21,436 --> 00:04:23,292
You're just a tiny man
who gets his rocks off
109
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,017
pretending he's never
been to a theater before.
110
00:04:25,113 --> 00:04:26,513
You don't know me.
111
00:04:26,610 --> 00:04:27,913
Roger, be quiet!
112
00:04:28,011 --> 00:04:29,312
Fine, I'll whisper.
113
00:04:29,409 --> 00:04:32,078
So, Jennifer
is taking a trip to Chicago...
114
00:04:32,174 --> 00:04:34,649
Oh, my gosh.
Have you ever been to Chicago?
115
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:37,251
There is so much deep-dish pizza,
116
00:04:37,349 --> 00:04:39,041
which is a thing I do not like.
117
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:42,002
I'm more of a super-flat
cheeseburger guy myself.
118
00:04:42,101 --> 00:04:43,889
What is happening?
119
00:04:43,988 --> 00:04:46,396
I love this whispering.
120
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,642
Please direct me to your city's finest,
flattest cheeseburger.
121
00:04:48,738 --> 00:04:50,073
Goosebumps.
122
00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:52,872
The real Chicagoan experience...
123
00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:57,850
Waaaaahhhh!
124
00:04:57,947 --> 00:04:59,478
Y'all feelin' this?!
125
00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:02,633
Neuron dance partyyyyy!
126
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:13,047
...a man on the bus
said it didn't matter how much
127
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,967
I liked flat cheeseburgers.
128
00:05:15,066 --> 00:05:17,213
That didn't make it a Chicago thing.
129
00:05:17,311 --> 00:05:19,067
So, whatever, that trip was a bust.
130
00:05:19,166 --> 00:05:20,336
The end.
131
00:05:22,354 --> 00:05:24,762
No, keep talking about yourself,
132
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:26,586
and don't forget to whisper.
133
00:05:26,682 --> 00:05:28,862
You're the best listener in the world.
134
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:32,346
Okay, so after Chi-Town, I was like,
135
00:05:32,442 --> 00:05:34,493
"Why am I traveling so much?"
136
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:37,128
So I stayed home and went to CVS
137
00:05:37,227 --> 00:05:38,852
and slid around the linoleum
138
00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:42,270
in the socks Stan yelled
at me for wearing hiking.
139
00:05:45,752 --> 00:05:47,086
There she is, fellas.
140
00:05:47,183 --> 00:05:49,526
The future Mrs. Ashley Wagner.
141
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:51,381
I'll be taking her name
when we get married.
142
00:05:51,479 --> 00:05:53,334
Does she even know you exist?
143
00:05:53,432 --> 00:05:55,286
Not yet, but I've written a love note
144
00:05:55,385 --> 00:05:56,490
to drop in her locker.
145
00:05:56,587 --> 00:05:59,224
Smart! Girls love to read!
146
00:05:59,321 --> 00:06:01,567
I told her I'd reveal
myself at the dance
147
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,235
and signed it "Your secret admirer,"
148
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:06,708
so she'll fall in love with me
for the merits of my writing
149
00:06:06,807 --> 00:06:10,157
and not my Rachel Maddow good looks.
150
00:06:10,255 --> 00:06:11,298
Coming through!
151
00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:13,216
Dangerous construction materials!
152
00:06:13,315 --> 00:06:15,656
Shortcut to the site,
through the school!
153
00:06:20,669 --> 00:06:23,044
Ooh, goth girls. Spooky.
154
00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:28,511
Steve, look out!
155
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,048
Ugh!
156
00:06:34,596 --> 00:06:36,613
Oh, God! I could be blamed for this.
157
00:06:38,079 --> 00:06:39,315
- Aaaah!
- Aah!
158
00:06:39,412 --> 00:06:41,398
My sweet Steve!
159
00:06:41,494 --> 00:06:43,513
We were friends!
160
00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:46,443
We were friends!
161
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,427
What are you talking about?
162
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:49,826
We're still friends.
163
00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:51,095
Do you not feel it?
164
00:06:51,192 --> 00:06:52,429
Feel what?
165
00:06:52,527 --> 00:06:54,382
Hey, look. Someone slipped me a note.
166
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,529
"Dear beautiful." Hah!
167
00:06:56,628 --> 00:06:58,645
Flattery will get you everywhere.
168
00:06:58,742 --> 00:07:00,435
"You're all I can think about..."
169
00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:03,331
Are you all right?
170
00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:05,088
I'm better than all right!
171
00:07:05,187 --> 00:07:07,236
I have a secret admirer!
172
00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,740
And she's gonna reveal
herself at the dance!
173
00:07:09,839 --> 00:07:11,498
Looks like ol' Steven Anita
174
00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:14,264
might be the first to lose his V-card.
175
00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:29,430
One of those days, huh?
176
00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:32,325
Roger whispered.
177
00:07:32,424 --> 00:07:34,049
And when he did,
178
00:07:34,147 --> 00:07:37,207
it gave me an incredible sensation.
179
00:07:37,305 --> 00:07:41,469
A kind of peace and
relaxation I haven't felt
180
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:44,334
since I started obsessing over death.
181
00:07:44,431 --> 00:07:48,790
I got the chilly thrillies
up and down my neck!
182
00:07:48,888 --> 00:07:50,483
Ah, yes.
183
00:07:50,582 --> 00:07:52,435
Technically, it's called ASMR.
184
00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,038
ASMR? As in...
185
00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:58,294
asymmetrical sexy men rule?
186
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,897
No. It's when you get
unbelievably relaxed
187
00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:02,231
by whispers.
188
00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:05,323
It also works with eating
pickles or other crunchy foods,
189
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:07,926
like, uh...
190
00:08:08,023 --> 00:08:10,105
pickles, w-which is, uh...
191
00:08:10,204 --> 00:08:11,245
the best example.
192
00:08:11,343 --> 00:08:13,034
Some people think ASMR is sexual,
193
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:15,378
but for most people, it's not.
194
00:08:15,476 --> 00:08:16,776
But for me, it definitely is.
195
00:08:16,874 --> 00:08:19,316
Klaus, this is perfect!
196
00:08:19,413 --> 00:08:22,731
I'll just hang out with Roger
where he's forced to whisper.
197
00:08:23,664 --> 00:08:25,010
So it turns out,
198
00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:27,255
Ricki's boyfriend didn't run out on her.
199
00:08:27,353 --> 00:08:30,867
He just got tangled in some
wind chimes at a Pier 1
200
00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:32,820
and they found him a couple of days ago,
201
00:08:32,918 --> 00:08:35,192
severely dehydrated.
202
00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:40,217
That movie was really relaxing.
203
00:08:40,314 --> 00:08:43,374
Oh, yeah,
these Transformers movies are so zen.
204
00:08:43,471 --> 00:08:45,263
All that metal-on-metal scraping.
205
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,639
And Optimus Prime is sneaky funny.
206
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,275
Hanging out with you has
really taken my mind off
207
00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:52,197
death by nuclear holocaust.
208
00:08:52,295 --> 00:08:54,215
In fact, why are we leaving?
209
00:08:54,312 --> 00:08:55,321
Let's see another movie.
210
00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:56,462
I'm a little movied out.
211
00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:57,893
Can we go somewhere where I can talk?
212
00:08:57,991 --> 00:08:59,425
Out loud?
213
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,019
Oh! Yes.
214
00:09:01,117 --> 00:09:02,419
Great idea.
215
00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:04,144
How about the...
216
00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:05,251
library?
217
00:09:05,349 --> 00:09:06,748
La biblioteca?
218
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,093
That's Spanish for "Sure, why not?"
219
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:13,066
Oh, I am a total Hufflepuff.
220
00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:14,952
Don't you think I'm a Hufflepuff?
221
00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:17,949
Francine, what the fuff is a Hufflepuff?
222
00:09:21,236 --> 00:09:22,310
Pickle?
223
00:09:22,407 --> 00:09:25,435
A man would be a fool to
refuse a purse pickle.
224
00:09:27,518 --> 00:09:29,146
Ahh!
225
00:09:32,434 --> 00:09:34,845
Oh, that's nice.
226
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,764
Uhp, there's an owl in this.
227
00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:38,490
If I was interested in
things with big eyes,
228
00:09:38,588 --> 00:09:40,606
I would still be stalking Emma Stone.
229
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:42,037
Do you think I should check on her?
230
00:09:42,135 --> 00:09:44,350
No, let's go to a golf tournament.
231
00:09:44,447 --> 00:09:47,084
Sure. A-And maybe on the way,
we swing by her parents' house
232
00:09:47,181 --> 00:09:49,396
and see if they have
anything cool in their trash?
233
00:09:51,999 --> 00:09:53,889
Douglath bailed on Jen,
234
00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:55,907
so she went indoor skydiving alone.
235
00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,210
So brave.
236
00:09:57,308 --> 00:09:59,945
I can't even go to Souplantation alone.
237
00:10:00,954 --> 00:10:02,906
What do you think it would sound like
238
00:10:03,004 --> 00:10:05,251
if you tapped your nails on this book
239
00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:07,562
I stole from the library?
240
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,156
Aah!
241
00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,534
I think he killed that guy.
242
00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:19,900
It's okay.
243
00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:21,299
I've come to realize
244
00:10:21,397 --> 00:10:23,351
death plays a beautiful role
245
00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:25,533
in the circle of life.
246
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:29,894
This funeral reminds me
247
00:10:29,991 --> 00:10:32,303
of when Jennifer's dog got heartworm.
248
00:10:32,401 --> 00:10:33,606
It survived, of course.
249
00:10:33,703 --> 00:10:35,461
That's the main difference.
250
00:10:35,558 --> 00:10:38,067
Crinkle these noodles as you talk.
251
00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:39,335
You betcha.
252
00:10:41,646 --> 00:10:44,024
Shortcut through the cemetery!
253
00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:46,464
Ooh, this funeral's spooky!
254
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,618
Wow. My secret admirer
is a helluva writer.
255
00:10:52,716 --> 00:10:54,897
Should we tell him he wrote that letter?
256
00:10:54,995 --> 00:10:57,176
Why? Look how happy he is.
257
00:10:57,274 --> 00:10:59,325
Just look at the way she loops her L's.
258
00:10:59,422 --> 00:11:01,994
She clearly knows her way around a dick.
259
00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:04,371
Should we at least pull out the pole?
260
00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:07,594
No, then he'll remember
he wrote the note!
261
00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:10,198
You want to fix his brain
and break his heart?
262
00:11:11,597 --> 00:11:14,365
Mm. This food tastes kind of metallic.
263
00:11:14,462 --> 00:11:15,829
Are you guys getting any of that?
264
00:11:15,927 --> 00:11:17,425
Yes, sirree!
265
00:11:17,522 --> 00:11:20,063
Pearl Bailey's famous copper nachos.
266
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,609
There's a lucky penny
melted into every batch!
267
00:11:23,708 --> 00:11:25,531
So, you guys are assuring me
this is normal?
268
00:11:25,628 --> 00:11:26,734
Ohhh, yeah.
269
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:29,275
Everything that's going on is normal.
270
00:11:29,373 --> 00:11:32,010
Normal's the word of the day here.
271
00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:35,950
Francinie-weenie!
272
00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:37,414
Ready to hang?
273
00:11:37,512 --> 00:11:38,911
Huh, no Francine.
274
00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:40,994
Welp, then I guess this is a great time
275
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:43,794
for me to snooooop!
276
00:11:44,966 --> 00:11:46,400
Spider-Man action figure.
277
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,026
Unexpected.
278
00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:49,329
Grapefruit.
279
00:11:49,428 --> 00:11:50,664
Another Spider-Man? Wow.
280
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,292
She really has a thing for Spider-Man.
281
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:55,384
Ohhh!
282
00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:56,686
What's this?
283
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,918
A microcassette of "Roger's whispers"?
284
00:12:02,838 --> 00:12:05,053
And I'm like, "What channels do I lose
285
00:12:05,151 --> 00:12:07,495
if I move down to the ultimate package?"
286
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:11,173
And she's like,
"You'd lose HGTV and DIY Network."
287
00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:14,071
So, yeah,
I still pay $400 a month for cable.
288
00:12:15,405 --> 00:12:18,140
Klaus, do you know why Francine
is recording my stories?
289
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,223
Is she trying to steal them
for a book or something?
290
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,633
Like you did when you
befriended The Situation?
291
00:12:22,731 --> 00:12:23,710
Yeah, like that.
292
00:12:23,838 --> 00:12:25,498
Oh, no. She doesn't care
about what you're saying.
293
00:12:25,596 --> 00:12:27,744
She just likes the
sounds your mouth makes
294
00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:29,373
when you whisper and stuff!
295
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:30,998
They relax her.
296
00:12:31,096 --> 00:12:33,733
She's recording everything you do.
297
00:12:33,831 --> 00:12:35,753
What?!
298
00:12:35,850 --> 00:12:37,869
"Roger's crunching"?
299
00:12:42,455 --> 00:12:44,867
Oh, my God. Is that what I
sound like when I eat pickles?
300
00:12:44,966 --> 00:12:46,430
Ugh. So nasally.
301
00:12:46,528 --> 00:12:47,700
I thought I sounded more like
302
00:12:47,797 --> 00:12:49,980
Dwayne "Vin Diesel 'The Rock'" Johnson.
303
00:12:50,078 --> 00:12:52,973
Rawr, we're family! Crunch crunch.
304
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:55,774
Francine's not listening to me?
305
00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:01,112
I caught you red-handed!
306
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,358
Hey, man, I paid for this toast.
307
00:13:03,457 --> 00:13:04,888
"Roger's crunching"?!
308
00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:07,006
You only care about my noises!
309
00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:08,763
What's the big deal?
310
00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:11,336
We're hanging out,
and your noises relax me.
311
00:13:11,432 --> 00:13:12,669
You want to relax?
312
00:13:12,768 --> 00:13:15,372
Listen to the crunch of
me destroying your tapes!
313
00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:17,749
No! Ahhh.
314
00:13:17,846 --> 00:13:18,823
But no!
315
00:13:18,921 --> 00:13:20,841
Oh, that's nice.
316
00:13:20,939 --> 00:13:22,468
Well, that's all you're getting!
317
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:24,748
You won't get another sound out of me!
318
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,351
Roger, I can just follow you around
319
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:29,143
and tape whatever I want.
320
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,835
Oh, you're gonna follow me, huh?
321
00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:32,528
Bet you won't follow me to...
322
00:13:32,625 --> 00:13:34,579
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chernobyl.
323
00:13:34,677 --> 00:13:36,761
Roger, you can't go to Chernobyl!
324
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,160
It's dangerous!
325
00:13:38,257 --> 00:13:41,156
Well, I'd rather die there
than be ignored here!
326
00:13:42,426 --> 00:13:43,695
Hey, Mom. Heads up...
327
00:13:43,792 --> 00:13:45,321
I hit a cyclist with your car.
328
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:46,396
She's not dead.
329
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,447
I put her in the trunk until
I can come up with a plan.
330
00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:50,217
Just letting you know
where I've been lately.
331
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:54,051
My whispers.
332
00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:55,419
Where are my whispers?
333
00:13:55,517 --> 00:13:56,689
I need my whispers!
334
00:13:56,785 --> 00:13:58,674
I could do them for you, Francine.
335
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,691
You're sssssafe
336
00:14:00,788 --> 00:14:03,133
with Klaussssss.
337
00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:05,735
No, just stop! You don't have it!
338
00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:09,022
Yessss, I dooooo.
339
00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:10,975
I drove Roger away!
340
00:14:11,072 --> 00:14:12,342
He left!
341
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,368
I drove him to the airport,
and then he left!
342
00:14:15,465 --> 00:14:16,996
Well, you could go after him.
343
00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:20,087
Ooh, according to his Insta,
he's made it to Chernobyl.
344
00:14:20,184 --> 00:14:22,040
Oh, no! We've got to save him!
345
00:14:22,138 --> 00:14:24,285
The radiation's gonna make him sick!
346
00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,726
It's already making him thirsty.
347
00:14:26,823 --> 00:14:29,232
What the hell,
I'll give him a little sip.
348
00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:37,823
What the hell am I doing here?
349
00:14:37,922 --> 00:14:39,808
- Was this stupid?
- Yes.
350
00:14:39,906 --> 00:14:41,859
Well, we have to find Roger.
351
00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:44,658
According to Ask Jeeves,
we have five hours
352
00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:48,303
before the radiation turns us
into walkin'-talkin' tumors.
353
00:14:48,401 --> 00:14:50,223
Five hours 'til I turn into that fish
354
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,468
from The Simpsons with three eyes.
355
00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:54,160
Do you watch The Simpsons, Francine?
356
00:14:54,259 --> 00:14:56,016
It's getting good.
357
00:14:56,113 --> 00:14:57,415
And Jennifer's current boyfriend
358
00:14:57,514 --> 00:15:00,247
is also a bartender at TGI Friday's.
359
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:02,850
So either she's got a type
or she can't walk away
360
00:15:02,948 --> 00:15:04,739
from free Jack Daniel's
Shrimp and Grits.
361
00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:07,764
That is fine,
but you have very little time to live.
362
00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:10,433
The radiation has already
eaten away your nose and ears.
363
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:13,101
Well, you look
like a banana with a handle.
364
00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,151
Pee-yew!
365
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,072
You been Vladimir Putin in there?
366
00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:18,211
What have you done?!
367
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:19,545
You should be thanking me!
368
00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:21,108
You were just breathing it in!
369
00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,735
Roger?
370
00:15:22,832 --> 00:15:24,395
Well, look who it is.
371
00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:27,649
The person I was wrong about how
afraid they were of Chernobyl.
372
00:15:27,745 --> 00:15:29,895
I thought I wouldn't see you here.
373
00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:31,651
Roger, you look terrible.
374
00:15:31,749 --> 00:15:33,052
You need to come home.
375
00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:35,426
So you can have my
whispers at your disposal?
376
00:15:35,524 --> 00:15:37,869
Well, you're not gonna
like my whispers anymore!
377
00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:45,744
The radiation has made them
more relaxing than ever!
378
00:15:46,357 --> 00:15:48,086
Sleeeeep!
379
00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:55,962
Wow. I guess life is
coming back to Chernobyl.
380
00:15:59,738 --> 00:16:02,992
I've heard of a weeping willow,
but a sleeping willow?
381
00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:05,432
_
382
00:16:12,925 --> 00:16:14,706
There's only a few more songs left.
383
00:16:14,805 --> 00:16:18,711
Steve's gonna be devastated
when there's no secret admirer.
384
00:16:18,809 --> 00:16:20,826
Did... Did we handle this wrong?
385
00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:22,322
I have an idea!
386
00:16:22,421 --> 00:16:23,560
Hit me with it, Barry.
387
00:16:23,658 --> 00:16:26,912
Maybe if we each got a pole in our head,
388
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:29,840
we'd have secret admirers like Steve!
389
00:16:29,938 --> 00:16:32,053
Okay. I'm on my own here.
390
00:16:32,151 --> 00:16:33,877
Just gotta break the news to him.
391
00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:36,187
And I'll work on finding poles!
392
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:39,864
Steve, there's nobody coming.
393
00:16:39,961 --> 00:16:41,362
That love note?
394
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:42,664
You wrote it yourself.
395
00:16:42,761 --> 00:16:45,039
Ohhh. And I probably don't remember
396
00:16:45,136 --> 00:16:46,504
because I have a pole in my head.
397
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,706
You know about that?!
398
00:16:47,805 --> 00:16:49,139
I tied my bow tie.
399
00:16:49,237 --> 00:16:50,767
Can't do that without a mirror.
400
00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:52,198
So, in a way,
401
00:16:52,296 --> 00:16:54,216
I'm my own secret admirer!
402
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,493
You always have been.
403
00:16:56,592 --> 00:16:59,749
Me, may I have this dance?
404
00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:02,319
Yes, me. You may.
405
00:17:09,556 --> 00:17:10,944
I got the poles!
406
00:17:14,621 --> 00:17:17,291
Look! Barry's doing a new dance!
407
00:17:17,387 --> 00:17:19,862
I call it the Barry!
Everybody do the Barry!
408
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,586
♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪
409
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,182
♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪
410
00:17:23,278 --> 00:17:26,208
♪ He's a fat kid
who's almost fallin' down ♪
411
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,972
Lock the doors until
everyone does the Barry.
412
00:17:34,051 --> 00:17:35,710
How long were we out for?
413
00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:37,436
We only have an hour before we die.
414
00:17:37,532 --> 00:17:40,038
And we don't have any
idea where Roger is.
415
00:17:40,136 --> 00:17:41,927
Maybe he went that way.
416
00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:45,831
But even if we find him,
417
00:17:45,929 --> 00:17:47,687
he'll just put us to sleep again.
418
00:17:47,784 --> 00:17:48,989
Hmm.
419
00:17:49,085 --> 00:17:50,843
Did you see the movie Bird Box?
420
00:17:50,941 --> 00:17:52,796
It's been on my watch
list for like six months,
421
00:17:52,893 --> 00:17:54,391
but I don't actually want to watch it.
422
00:17:54,488 --> 00:17:56,344
Well, what if instead of Sandra Bullock
423
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,361
not being able to see,
424
00:17:58,458 --> 00:18:00,052
she couldn't hear?
425
00:18:00,544 --> 00:18:02,103
That sounds so scary!
426
00:18:02,201 --> 00:18:03,536
But like I said, I haven't seen it,
427
00:18:03,632 --> 00:18:05,031
and I'm probably not going to.
428
00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:08,287
We're gonna have to reach Roger
429
00:18:08,385 --> 00:18:11,475
without our most important sense.
430
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,447
I can't hear where I'm going!
431
00:18:15,543 --> 00:18:17,887
How do deaf people get anywhere?
432
00:18:17,986 --> 00:18:19,840
What, Francine? Where are you?
433
00:18:20,757 --> 00:18:22,345
What the hell?
434
00:18:24,265 --> 00:18:27,000
Gawwww. Stacked high animals.
435
00:18:27,096 --> 00:18:28,595
This is horrible.
436
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,197
But now I'm getting used to it.
437
00:18:31,295 --> 00:18:32,826
Now it's kind of cute.
438
00:18:44,345 --> 00:18:45,486
What are you doing here?
439
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:46,688
I thought I told you to
440
00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:48,771
sleeeep!
441
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:52,774
Wait, why aren't you asleep?
442
00:18:52,871 --> 00:18:54,922
Roger, we've gotta go!
443
00:18:55,021 --> 00:18:56,517
You're gonna die!
444
00:18:56,615 --> 00:18:57,592
I don't care!
445
00:18:57,688 --> 00:19:00,033
You don't belong here alone!
446
00:19:00,129 --> 00:19:03,709
You wouldn't even go to
Souplantation by yourself!
447
00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:05,564
You heard me!
448
00:19:05,662 --> 00:19:06,802
Come on!
449
00:19:06,898 --> 00:19:09,437
You're acting weirder
than those dolphins
450
00:19:09,534 --> 00:19:13,765
after they saw Ricki having
sex with that guy at SeaWorld!
451
00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:15,913
Oh, my God.
452
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:22,097
You were...
listening to me the whole time?
453
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:24,081
Well, part of the time.
454
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,645
You talk a lot, Roger.
455
00:19:25,741 --> 00:19:27,467
I'm bound to pick up bits and pieces.
456
00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:29,809
That's so sweet of you,
remembering all that stuff
457
00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,339
about people I made up.
458
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,521
Oh, no!
459
00:19:33,617 --> 00:19:35,146
We've gotta get out of here.
460
00:19:35,245 --> 00:19:36,383
Klaus is dying!
461
00:19:36,481 --> 00:19:37,881
Or maybe it's too late for him,
462
00:19:37,978 --> 00:19:39,476
but we have a little time.
463
00:19:39,573 --> 00:19:41,916
Because there's a brunch
place I'd like to try out.
464
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,315
Although it might not be open.
465
00:19:43,413 --> 00:19:46,017
A lot of stuff closed after the, um...
466
00:19:46,115 --> 00:19:48,263
nuclear unpleasantness.
467
00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:53,502
I'm sorry I used you for your noises.
468
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,421
I know I'm supposed
to be your best friend,
469
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,635
but I wasn't acting like it.
470
00:19:57,734 --> 00:20:00,889
Well, you did face your fear
of death to come bring me home.
471
00:20:00,986 --> 00:20:02,940
Huh, that's true.
472
00:20:03,037 --> 00:20:06,195
Let's celebrate our
friendship by doing The Barry!
473
00:20:06,291 --> 00:20:07,886
♪ Barry, Barry, Barry ♪
474
00:20:07,984 --> 00:20:09,351
♪ Do the Barry-Barry ♪
475
00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:12,345
♪ He's a fat kid
who's almost fallin' down ♪
476
00:20:12,443 --> 00:20:13,646
The Barry?
477
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,600
The radiation is driving them insane.
478
00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:16,835
I'm with you, brother.
479
00:20:16,934 --> 00:20:18,202
These people are nuts.
480
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,536
But I've got your back.
481
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,176
I am your back!
482
00:20:24,743 --> 00:20:26,680
Have a great night!
483
00:20:27,348 --> 00:20:29,350
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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