Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:03,252
[whinnies]
2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,506
Hello. I'm Mister Ed.
3
00:00:11,394 --> 00:00:13,562
♪ A horse is a horse,of course, of course ♪
4
00:00:13,563 --> 00:00:15,731
♪ And no one can talkto a horse, of course ♪
5
00:00:15,732 --> 00:00:17,900
♪ That is, of course,unless the horse ♪
6
00:00:17,901 --> 00:00:19,519
♪ Is the famousMister Ed ♪
7
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,687
♪ Go right to the sourceand ask the horse ♪
8
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:22,772
♪ He'll give youthe answer ♪
9
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:23,856
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,025
♪ He's alwayson a steady course ♪
11
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,660
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
12
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,335
Carol will be furious with me
13
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:39,038
for missing this town hall
meeting tonight.
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,673
What am I going to tell her?
15
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:41,757
Tell her the truth.
16
00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:44,460
You had to go chasing
all over town to find me.
17
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,095
Oh, fine.
18
00:00:46,096 --> 00:00:48,264
Hold it down, Wilbur.
19
00:00:48,264 --> 00:00:52,051
Fine. I tell her that,
I'll be sleeping in the barn with you tonight.
20
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,305
That's swell. I'll teach you
how to sleep standing up.
21
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,939
I did not marry Carol
22
00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:58,558
so I could spend my nights
with you.
23
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,192
Oh, all right.
24
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,811
I've got a problem
with a filly.
25
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,979
You've got a problem
with your wife.
26
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:06,148
Let's run away together.
27
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,317
Ed, I do not like
your attitude.
28
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,952
There's one thing I demand
from my horse,
29
00:01:09,953 --> 00:01:11,037
and that is respect.
30
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,655
- Well--
- Never mind.
31
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,289
I'll talk to you later.
32
00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:15,908
Go back to your stall.
33
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,543
Yes, master.
34
00:01:31,641 --> 00:01:34,343
Honey, look who's here.
[laughs]
35
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:38,147
Look, honey.
I'm awfully sorry about missing that town meeting,
36
00:01:38,148 --> 00:01:39,232
but you know what happened?
37
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:40,316
Ed suddenly disappeared.
38
00:01:40,316 --> 00:01:44,103
I had to go running
all over town looking for him.
39
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,822
I know what you're thinking.
40
00:01:46,823 --> 00:01:48,441
You're thinking
that I'm lying.
41
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,525
Well, you're wrong.
42
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,160
I'm telling the truth,
43
00:01:51,161 --> 00:01:53,863
and I must say that
after years of marriage,
44
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:56,031
I'm a little disappointed
in your doubting me.
45
00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,370
Oh, you don't think
I was chasing Ed, huh?
46
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,089
Think I was chasing after
some dizzy little blonde, huh?
47
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,707
Oh, boy, that's great.
48
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,791
That's great.
49
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,511
Yeah, I come home,
calm, apologetic,
50
00:02:08,511 --> 00:02:10,129
willing to sit down
and discuss this
51
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,214
like a reasonable human being,
52
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,298
and what do I find?
53
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:13,932
Instead I'm in the middle
of an argument
54
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,551
and I can't even get
a word in edgewise.
55
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,271
No-- no, please,
enough of this bickering.
56
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:19,355
I can't stand
this bickering, dear.
57
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:20,973
I'm going to put
Ed away right now,
58
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,608
and if you want me
to sleep in the barn,
59
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:23,693
that's okay with me.
60
00:02:23,693 --> 00:02:25,311
Okay.
61
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,945
[sighs]
Just like a wife.
62
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:28,564
Got to get the last word in,
huh?
63
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,199
Yakkity, yakkity,
yakkity, yak.
64
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,790
Now, look, Ed.
I am tired of playing games.
65
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,408
Why did you leave
the barn today?
66
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,128
Well, there's a new horse
in the neighborhood
67
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,746
called Midnight.
68
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:45,380
Yeah?
69
00:02:45,381 --> 00:02:46,465
He's been stealing my fillies,
70
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:48,634
and I went over
to kick him around a little.
71
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:49,719
And what happened?
72
00:02:49,719 --> 00:02:52,421
Nothing.
He's bigger than I am.
73
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,506
That big, huh?
74
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,674
Next to him
I look like a poodle.
75
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,478
Hm, well,
this horse Midnight,
76
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:00,563
is he new in the neighborhood?
77
00:03:00,563 --> 00:03:03,265
Yeah, he belongs
to Clint Eastwood,
78
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,519
that TV star
who rides bareback.
79
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,687
Mr. Eastwood
does not ride bareback.
80
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,941
Then why do they call his show
Rawhide?
81
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,109
That's very good,
very good.
82
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,829
So Midnight has been stealing
your fillies, huh?
83
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:21,700
Yeah, they go for these tall,
dark, handsome horses.
84
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,869
Blonds seem to be
out of style.
85
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,504
Well, nothing we can do
about it, Ed.
86
00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,673
You've got
to get Clint Eastwood
87
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:29,292
to move out
of this neighborhood, Wilbur,
88
00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,011
or I'll wind up
an old bachelor.
89
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:34,713
Look, I'm not going to get
Clint Eastwood to move anywhere.
90
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,473
[phone rings]
91
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,193
[Mister Ed]
Don't answer that, Wilbur.
92
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:48,811
Why not?
93
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,979
We've got a party line now,
94
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,148
and two rings
are for the other party.
95
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:55,317
A party-- since when?
96
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,952
Well, the phone company called
97
00:03:56,953 --> 00:04:00,206
and asked if we'd mind
sharing our line for a week,
98
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:01,824
and I said okay.
99
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,992
That's mighty big of you, Ed.
100
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,796
There's a shortage of circuits
since the storm, Wilbur,
101
00:04:07,797 --> 00:04:10,499
and I believe in helping
a fellow human being
102
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,134
in a time of need.
103
00:04:12,135 --> 00:04:15,388
You're also a snooper who loves
to listen in on conversations.
104
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,556
[chuckles]
Yeah, that, too.
105
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,725
Are you sure you didn't
arrange this whole thing?
106
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:23,513
Oh, no, Wilbur, of course not.
107
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,681
Good night, Wilbur.
108
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,850
Good night, snooper.
109
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:31,103
Party line.
[groans]
110
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:36,526
Well,
so this is where you are.
111
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,694
Hi, Rog.
Look, I'm awfully sorry
112
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,329
I missed that town hall
meeting tonight,
113
00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:41,414
but how did it go?
114
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:42,498
Oh, fine, fine.
115
00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:44,116
We decided to put on a show
116
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,751
to help raise money
for the new youth center,
117
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:47,920
and guess who was appointed
118
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,088
chairman of the entertainment
committee.
119
00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:51,707
It's you, huh?
120
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,342
- You.
- Me?
121
00:04:53,343 --> 00:04:54,961
I wasn't even there.
122
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,129
That's why you got the job.
No one else volunteered.
123
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,764
Who suggested me?
124
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,383
Well--
125
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,551
Oh, don't tell me.
126
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,186
Somebody who has it in for me,
127
00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:05,271
wants to see me
breaking my back
128
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,889
over a thankless job, huh?
129
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:08,523
That's right. Your wife.
130
00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:10,692
Carol?
131
00:05:10,693 --> 00:05:12,861
She knows I'd never handle
a job like this.
132
00:05:12,862 --> 00:05:16,115
Relax, my boy. Relax.
This is a very important job,
133
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:17,199
so they've appointed
a co-chairman
134
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,368
to help you round up
the entertainment.
135
00:05:19,369 --> 00:05:20,453
Who's my cochairman?
136
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:21,537
Me.
137
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:23,155
I went out
for a glass of water,
138
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,790
and when I returned,
139
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,959
%ó
my dear wife had already put the knife in my back,
140
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,127
but we'll be able to put on
some kind of a show.
141
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:32,915
All you have to do
is write the play.
142
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,549
The play? What play?
143
00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:37,252
Someone in the audience thought
it would be a good idea
144
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:39,421
and suggested your name
as the writer.
145
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,590
Oh, look, Rog,
I'm an architect. I'm not a writer.
146
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,225
What nut suggested me?
147
00:05:43,226 --> 00:05:45,394
Your wife.
148
00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:48,097
I'm lucky they weren't looking
for volunteers for the Foreign Legion.
149
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,265
If they were,
you'd be on a camel now.
150
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:51,900
Oh, hey, Wilbur.
151
00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:54,069
We'd better have that play
by this weekend
152
00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:56,238
if we're going to learn
our parts in time.
153
00:05:56,239 --> 00:05:59,492
We? Oh, Rog, we're not actors.
154
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,194
[sighs]
Dare I ask who suggested us?
155
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,363
The charter members
of Murder Incorporated--
156
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,448
our wives.
157
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,335
Wasn't even at the meeting.
158
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,376
Boy, you really got me
into trouble.
159
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,545
I've only got a few days
to write a play,
160
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,179
and-- and-- and--
161
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,798
and you're going to help me.
162
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:23,883
With what?
163
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,517
With the play.
164
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:29,305
Well, will you talk to Eastwood
about getting rid of his horse?
165
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,389
Of course not.
166
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,558
How can I do that?
167
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,699
He'll be sorry.
168
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:45,571
Just wait till Eastwood
finds out I'm his party line.
169
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,290
There will be one party less
in his neighborhood.
170
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,543
- Hello?
- Mule head.
171
00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:53,162
Who is this?
172
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,246
[chuckles]
173
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,669
Good morning, Mr. Eastwood.
174
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,837
Hi, Katie.
175
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,472
Say, this scene's still giving
me a little trouble.
176
00:07:03,473 --> 00:07:06,175
- You mind cuing me again?
- Oh, sure.
177
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:09,978
I memorized the lines
this morning, Mr. Eastwood.
178
00:07:09,979 --> 00:07:13,232
- Shoot.
- Good.
179
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,850
You don't know
what you're asking me, Little Rain Cloud.
180
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:15,935
I can't stay here with you.
181
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,569
Mr. Favor's depending on me.
182
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:20,272
But my people need you, too,
183
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,441
and I need you.
184
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,161
I need you
like earth need rain
185
00:07:25,161 --> 00:07:28,948
and flower need sun.
186
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,116
You'll forget me in time,
Little Rain Cloud.
187
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,836
All it will do is just take
a little time, honest.
188
00:07:33,836 --> 00:07:36,538
Me never forget you.
189
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,173
If you stay here,
190
00:07:38,174 --> 00:07:40,876
you be first white chief
of tribe,
191
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:44,680
and I be proud to have you
by my side.
192
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:45,764
Oh, Little Rain Cloud,
193
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:47,383
your people
would never accept me,
194
00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:50,102
and in time
you'd hate me yourself.
195
00:07:50,102 --> 00:07:51,720
[grunts]
196
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,355
Hm, that line isn't
in the script.
197
00:07:53,356 --> 00:07:54,440
I know.
198
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,608
Little Rain Cloud
ad lib a little.
199
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,227
[phone rings]
200
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,861
Two rings. That's us.
201
00:08:02,031 --> 00:08:04,199
Big White ch-- uh,
202
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,368
Mr. Eastwood's residence.
203
00:08:06,369 --> 00:08:07,987
Yes.
204
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,071
Just a moment.
205
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:11,790
A Mr. Stanley Darrow.
206
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:15,043
Stanley Darrow?
207
00:08:15,044 --> 00:08:18,831
- Some day--
- Hey, Katie--
208
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,915
Hello, Mr. Darrow?
209
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,084
Mr. Eastwood,
the reason I'm calling,
210
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,718
we have a big feature
coming up soon,
211
00:08:23,719 --> 00:08:26,972
and I thought
you might be interested in the staring role.
212
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,591
It's a great script.
213
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:32,394
Do you think you could
get about six weeks off from your TV series?
214
00:08:32,395 --> 00:08:36,182
Six weeks? Well, I could sure
try and manage that, sir.
215
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,985
But you couldn't afford me,
you cheap old windbag.
216
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,154
What did you say?
217
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,772
I didn't say anything.
218
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,492
Well, are you interested,
Eastwood?
219
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:50,279
Yes, sir, I-- yes,
I'm definitely interested, Mr. Darrow.
220
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:53,532
But if you ever show
your ugly puss on the set,
221
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,167
I'll quit.
222
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:58,954
Who's on the other end
of this line?
223
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,123
[chuckles]
224
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,180
What's the matter,
Mr. Eastwood?
225
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:11,967
Some smart joker
on that party line's giving me a hard time.
226
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,136
- I'm going to find out
who it is. - [phone rings]
227
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,855
No, wait a minute.
I'll get that.
228
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,895
Hello?
229
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,530
Darling? What's the matter?
230
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:28,784
Oh, hi, baby doll.
231
00:09:28,784 --> 00:09:32,571
I'm just having a little
bit of a problem here. That's all.
232
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,291
Well, don't be mad at me.
233
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,993
Sweetie, I miss you.
234
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,713
I miss you, too, sweet talker.
235
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,331
What time you want me
to pick you up tonight?
236
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,965
Listen, little girl.
237
00:09:43,966 --> 00:09:48,837
If you're smart, you'll cut
this con artist off right now.
238
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,557
He's been promising to marry
my daughter
239
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,175
for over a year.
240
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,428
Wha-- that's awful.
241
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,513
Look--
242
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,766
[laughs]
243
00:10:03,486 --> 00:10:05,104
Ha ha ha!
244
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,823
I almost got
carried away that time.
245
00:10:07,823 --> 00:10:10,525
When I find out
who that guy is,
246
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,160
I'm going to break his back.
247
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,498
Hello, give me the business
offices, will you?
248
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,174
Honey, I'm trying to write
the play, but it's pretty hard.
249
00:10:25,174 --> 00:10:27,876
I'm sure Tennessee Williams
didn't have to get his own breakfast.
250
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:28,961
Good morning, Carol.
How's Wilbur?
251
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,595
Wilbur who?
252
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,018
Well.
253
00:10:36,018 --> 00:10:38,720
I trust you had
a good night's rest on the couch?
254
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,889
- Whose side are you on anyway?
- Yours.
255
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,058
I always root
for the underdog,
256
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:46,312
and I've never seen a dog
who looked more under.
257
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,480
I'm going out to get
some fresh air.
258
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,565
Play isn't coming very fast.
259
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,649
How far have you got?
260
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,284
First word of the title.
261
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,452
[doorbell rings]
262
00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:57,706
Yeah?
263
00:10:59,875 --> 00:11:02,043
- Are you Wilbur Post?
- That's right.
264
00:11:02,044 --> 00:11:03,662
How would you like
a punch in the face?
265
00:11:06,382 --> 00:11:09,084
The things they're selling
door to door these days.
266
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,253
You must be making
some mistake, fella. I don't know you.
267
00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:12,887
Look, I'm the guy
in your party line,
268
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:15,590
and don't tell me you didn't
play that practical joke on me.
269
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:16,675
What practical joke?
270
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,844
Wait a minute.
271
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:19,928
Come to think of it,
272
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,563
his voice was a little
deeper than yours.
273
00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:24,266
What voice?
Look, I don't even know who you are.
274
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:26,434
Say,
275
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,154
aren't you Clint Eastwood?
276
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,773
Yeah, that's right.
277
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,407
Who's voice is lower?
What practical joke?
278
00:11:32,408 --> 00:11:35,110
My wife and I watch you
every week on Rawhide.
279
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,195
Oh, we think
it's a wonderful show.
280
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,363
Well, thank you, sir.
281
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,448
My name is Roger Addison.
282
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,616
I believe you've met
Wilbur Post?
283
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,251
Say,
could I have your autograph?
284
00:11:43,252 --> 00:11:45,954
My wife likes to save
those things.
285
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,589
Sure.
286
00:11:47,590 --> 00:11:50,292
[exhales]
You were taking an awful chance there, fella.
287
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,376
I don't like practical jokes,
288
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,011
and I don't like people
coming to my house
289
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,096
and pushing me around.
290
00:11:54,096 --> 00:11:56,798
Please, Wilbur,
if you want to cry, go outside.
291
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,433
There's evidently been
some mistake.
292
00:11:58,434 --> 00:12:00,602
Yeah? What would you say
if I came over to your house
293
00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:02,221
and started to rough you up?
294
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,474
Uh, well, I'd say
that was trick photography.
295
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,642
Well put, partner.
296
00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,811
Why don't you take
your quick tongue out for a slow walk.
297
00:12:11,447 --> 00:12:14,149
Mr. Post, some guy got
on our party line
298
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:16,869
and caused me to loose
a very big picture job,
299
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,487
lied to my girlfriend,
300
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,121
and I thought it was you,
301
00:12:20,122 --> 00:12:21,206
but it evidently wasn't.
302
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:24,460
- Now, will you forgive me?
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
303
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:27,162
Did you say that
this fellow's voice was lower?
304
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,247
Yeah, very low.
305
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,881
You got any idea
who that might be?
306
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:32,050
Uh, maybe, yeah.
307
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,135
Could be some character I know
308
00:12:33,135 --> 00:12:35,303
who likes to horse around
a lot.
309
00:12:35,304 --> 00:12:37,472
Excuse me.
310
00:12:37,473 --> 00:12:39,641
We can go downtown
after lunch.
311
00:12:39,642 --> 00:12:40,726
All right, sweetie.
312
00:12:41,811 --> 00:12:45,598
Clint Eastwood.
[gasps]
313
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,401
Oh, Addison, you doll,
you got Mr. Eastwood for our show.
314
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,569
Well, not exactly, my dear.
315
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:53,188
You see, Mr. Eastwood
is new in the neighborhood,
316
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,357
and he just dropped by
to pay a social call.
317
00:12:55,357 --> 00:13:00,245
Mr. Eastwood, may I present
my wife Kay and Carol Post?
318
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:01,864
- How do you do, Mr. Eastwood.
- Hi, Kay, how are you?
319
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,032
Oh, we watch you
every week on television.
320
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,201
Oh, yes, I just love
that one last week
321
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,286
where that wealthy woman
from Texas
322
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,920
fell in love with you.
323
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:09,454
[Kay] Yes, she wore
such stunning jewels.
324
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,623
Do you know
where she bought them?
325
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,343
Do you suppose you could get us
some tickets of your show being filmed?
326
00:13:14,343 --> 00:13:15,961
Oh, that would be exciting.
327
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,595
I've never seen
a television show being filmed before.
328
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,974
Ed, somebody got
on Mr. Eastwood's party line
329
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,608
and made them lose a big job.
330
00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:33,311
Any idea who
that practical joker might be?
331
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,480
Duh-- Uh, maybe Addison?
332
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,115
Maybe Ed?
333
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:40,903
No, I vote
for sourpuss Addison.
334
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:41,987
Uh-huh.
335
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,706
Well, this has all the earmarks
of an inside job,
336
00:13:44,707 --> 00:13:46,325
and you had the opportunity,
337
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,959
the motive, and the telephone.
338
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,128
Come on, Ed, admit it.
339
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,747
This is America.
340
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:55,000
You can't make a horse
testify against himself.
341
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,168
On account of you,
Carol isn't speaking to me.
342
00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,888
I've got to finish writing
a play in a couple of days
343
00:13:59,889 --> 00:14:00,973
that I can't even start,
344
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,675
and just now Clint Eastwood
roughed me up.
345
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,844
Please, holler, but don't hit.
346
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,564
You promise me
that you will leave Mr. Eastwood alone.
347
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:11,266
Okay, I promise.
348
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,901
Good, I--
349
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,688
You don't mean it.
You've got your hooves crossed.
350
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,492
Now say "I promise."
351
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:22,660
- I promise.
- That's better.
352
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:24,279
Gee.
353
00:14:25,915 --> 00:14:27,533
Let's see now.
354
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:31,870
Act 1, scene 1, page 1.
355
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,505
Stuck again.
356
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:44,349
[humming]
357
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,305
Oh.
358
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,474
Hee-ya!
359
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:56,277
[screams]
360
00:14:56,278 --> 00:14:57,896
[crying]
361
00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:01,149
What's going on in here?
What happened?
362
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,318
Oh, that monster.
363
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,953
Monster?
364
00:15:04,954 --> 00:15:07,122
Oh, no, I don't mean--
Look.
365
00:15:07,122 --> 00:15:09,290
Come on, Katie,
just take it easy.
366
00:15:09,291 --> 00:15:11,459
Sit down, relax a minute.
367
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:13,078
I'll look around.
368
00:15:33,148 --> 00:15:34,232
[knock on door]
369
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:36,935
Come in.
370
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,570
Hello, Mr. Post.
371
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,272
Oh, Mr. Eastwood, come in.
Come in.
372
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:44,526
Mr. Post, I need your help.
373
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,694
Well, anything I can do
to help a neighbor.
374
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:51,032
Won't you sit down?
375
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,667
Thanks.
376
00:15:56,455 --> 00:16:00,258
Now, what seems to be
the problem?
377
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:01,877
Horses.
378
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:02,961
[door bangs]
379
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,849
Horses, huh?
380
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:10,018
I don't have any trouble
with horses.
381
00:16:10,019 --> 00:16:11,103
I have other problems.
382
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,721
Oh, have you?
383
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,974
Like trying to write a play.
384
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,143
Look, Clint,
385
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:19,777
if I help you
with your problem,
386
00:16:19,778 --> 00:16:20,862
will you help me with mine?
387
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:26,285
Well, yeah if I can,
but I came here to talk about a horse.
388
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:27,369
Having trouble
with your horse, huh?
389
00:16:27,369 --> 00:16:29,537
Who said anything
about my horse?
390
00:16:29,538 --> 00:16:30,622
You did.
391
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:32,790
I don't remember
anything about--
392
00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:35,493
Look here, Post.
393
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,662
Ever since I've moved
into this neighborhood,
394
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,297
I've been having nothing
but trouble,
395
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:40,916
and now to top it all off,
396
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,084
your horse has scared
my housekeeper clean out of her wits.
397
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,253
In fact she's threatened
to quit on me.
398
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,338
My horse scared her?
399
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,422
That's right, your horse.
400
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,591
Oh, no, you must be mistaken.
401
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,225
No, Mr. Ed would never do
a thing like that.
402
00:16:51,226 --> 00:16:52,844
I'm not mistaken.
403
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,479
I saw him.
I followed him right over here.
404
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,098
I think he needs
some discipline.
405
00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:01,520
I've got a little experience
with animals.
406
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,773
I could work with him
a few days a week, help you train him.
407
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,407
- Discipline Ed?
- Yeah.
408
00:17:06,408 --> 00:17:08,026
Look, that's very kind of you,
409
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,661
but I don't want to impose.
410
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,829
No imposition at all.
411
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,448
Come on, boy.
412
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,759
I don't think
I would try this today, Clint.
413
00:17:23,759 --> 00:17:25,377
Why not? I can handle him.
414
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:29,180
Well, some days he acts
a little different than he does other days.
415
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,799
I have a feeling that--
416
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:33,518
I'll ride him
around the neighborhood,
417
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,687
work him out a little for you.
418
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,024
[grunts]
419
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,953
I told you
he wouldn't learn anything.
420
00:17:51,954 --> 00:17:54,122
About this play
that we're doing for charity.
421
00:17:54,123 --> 00:17:55,741
Oh, he'll learn.
422
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,909
You know, horses
who act this way
423
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,544
are usually pretty smart.
424
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:01,713
In fact, you should have seen
Midnight at first.
425
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:03,331
He's so well trained now,
though,
426
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,500
the studio insisted
on buying him from me,
427
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,669
They want to ship him off
to Europe for a big picture.
428
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:10,388
Then you don't have any horse
at your place, huh?
429
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:13,091
No. I'm getting another one
tomorrow, though.
430
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,726
Pretty little filly,
2-year-old.
431
00:18:22,317 --> 00:18:25,570
See? He likes you.
432
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,189
How about that?
433
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,695
Remember, Clint, you promised
to help me with my problem
434
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,329
if I helped you with yours.
435
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:36,948
I thought I just did that.
436
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,583
Oh, you mean the little play
you were writing?
437
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:40,202
Yeah, little is right.
438
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:44,005
The way it's going,
it's only going to have two words-- "The End."
439
00:18:44,006 --> 00:18:45,624
Tell me, Wilbur,
are you a writer?
440
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:49,427
If I am, that typewriter
can sue me for non-support.
441
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:50,512
I'll tell you what.
442
00:18:50,512 --> 00:18:52,130
I have a little Western sketch
at home
443
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,765
that I've been saving
for a benefit performance.
444
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,933
Oh, is it written
for four people?
445
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:57,018
No, nine,
446
00:18:57,019 --> 00:18:58,637
but that's all right.
It's a Western.
447
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,890
We can kill off five of them
in the first few seconds.
448
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:02,974
Wonderful.
449
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,609
What's the story all about?
450
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,228
Well, you know,
a typical Western--
451
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,947
boy finds horse,
boy loses horse,
452
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,649
boy meets girl,
boy still wants horse.
453
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,903
- Story of my marriage.
- Hm?
454
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:18,156
My wife and I are always having
a little tiff over my horse.
455
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,325
She hasn't spoken to me
since last night.
456
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,959
You know, Wilbur,
I think I might have an idea
457
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,578
on how you two can patch it up.
458
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,213
Oh, how?
459
00:19:25,214 --> 00:19:27,382
Well, you just leave things
to your new director.
460
00:19:27,382 --> 00:19:29,000
New director.
461
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,169
Yeah. One thing we specialize
in our business,
462
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,254
and that's happy endings.
463
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,888
[grunts]
464
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:39,844
You know I don't go
for any gunplay in my saloon, Sheriff,
465
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,098
so I'd appreciate it
if you'd wait for Black Bart outside.
466
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:48,520
Oh, I'm so afraid that Tex
is going to be gunned down by Black Bart.
467
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,688
Carol...
468
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,492
do you really think
I look my part?
469
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:55,577
Perfect, Kay.
470
00:19:55,577 --> 00:19:57,745
You know,
you've got great legs.
471
00:19:57,746 --> 00:19:59,914
I didn't win Addison
with my cooking.
472
00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:05,870
But I still think
you should be playing the part, Carol.
473
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,590
Oh, no, I can't play
Wilbur's girlfriend.
474
00:20:08,590 --> 00:20:11,292
How can I kiss a man
when I'm not speaking to him?
475
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,461
I've been doing it
for 20 years, sweetie.
476
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,096
Oh, Kay,
477
00:20:15,097 --> 00:20:17,799
you know you and Roger
are crazy about each other.
478
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:20,518
Yeah, but that's
the only thing that's holding our marriage together.
479
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,390
[Clint Eastwood]
Well.
480
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,193
Well.
481
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,869
Gee, you look terrific, Kay.
482
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,571
Thank you, Wilbur.
483
00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:47,078
You look-- You look very
beautiful in that outfit, Carol.
484
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:50,331
Thank you.
485
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:51,966
When do we start, Clint?
486
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:55,754
Right away, but we can't have
a Western without our killer.
487
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,922
Where's Black Bart Addison?
Isn't he dressed yet?
488
00:20:57,923 --> 00:20:59,557
He was dressed hours ago.
489
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:03,345
When I left him, the killer
was in the garden spraying his apples.
490
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:05,513
Addison, we're ready!
491
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,598
[Addison]
Coming, Kay.
492
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:17,992
I reckon
I don't have to tell you my name, Sheriff.
493
00:21:17,993 --> 00:21:23,415
No. I hear you're
the fastest spray gun in town.
494
00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:27,752
All right, I hope we
haven't forgotten anything from our last rehearsal.
495
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:30,455
Killer, I think
you better wait in the kitchen until you hear your cue.
496
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:31,539
- Cue?
- Cue.
497
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,174
Oh, yeah, sure.
498
00:21:33,175 --> 00:21:35,343
Maybe I'll kill
a roast beef sandwich while I'm waiting.
499
00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:38,596
All right, places, everyone.
500
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,805
[Eastwood]
All right, curtain.
501
00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:55,397
Howdy, Miss Flossie.
502
00:21:55,397 --> 00:22:00,285
Oh, Tex, you promised me
you wouldn't come in here today.
503
00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:04,072
You don't stand a chance
against Black Bart.
504
00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:05,706
Don't worry, missy ma'am.
505
00:22:05,707 --> 00:22:07,325
I can take care of him.
506
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,494
[Eastwood] Hold it.
507
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:11,128
What did we do,
something wrong?
508
00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:13,297
No, Kay, it's just
509
00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:14,916
that you're not the type
to be playing
510
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:16,550
the Sheriff's girl.
511
00:22:16,551 --> 00:22:19,253
I'm thinking
of switching parts.
512
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:21,973
You mean you want me
to play Flossie?
513
00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:25,760
Carol, why don't you try
Flossie's lines.
514
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:27,395
But-- But-- But I-- I-- I--
515
00:22:27,396 --> 00:22:29,014
- Kay, you don't mind, do you?
- Of course not, sweetie.
516
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:31,182
- Carol,
come on just over here. - But, Clint, I can't.
517
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,351
- No, you can stand
right over here. - I can't do it.
518
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,986
No problem.
519
00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:36,604
- You ready, Sheriff?
- Ready.
520
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:38,773
Okay, curtain.
521
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,111
Howdy, Miss Flossie.
522
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,999
Tex, you promised me
you wouldn't come in today.
523
00:22:47,999 --> 00:22:50,167
You don't stand a chance
against Black Bart.
524
00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:51,786
No.
525
00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:55,590
No, Carol, you have to stand
closer to him.
526
00:22:55,590 --> 00:22:57,208
Hold him.
Hold him, that's it.
527
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:59,377
Forget you're married.
Pretend you love him.
528
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,799
Don't you worry about me,
missy ma'am.
529
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,968
I can take care of him.
530
00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:08,602
Come on, Carol, next line.
531
00:23:12,941 --> 00:23:14,559
But I love you so much.
532
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,193
Now you kiss him.
533
00:23:18,363 --> 00:23:21,065
Come on, Carol.
Come on, kiss him.
534
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:22,700
Go ahead. Go ahead, kiss him.
535
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:42,754
If you'll excuse me,
536
00:23:42,754 --> 00:23:46,007
I have to wipe out
a gang of bugs on my apples.
537
00:23:57,402 --> 00:23:59,020
Here's your lunch, Sheriff.
538
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:01,739
Oh, thanks, Flossie.
539
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,358
Oh, honey,
the play went over great.
540
00:24:03,358 --> 00:24:04,442
Everybody loved it,
541
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,077
and you were the hit
of the evening.
542
00:24:06,077 --> 00:24:07,695
Oh, no, you were
the hit of the evening.
543
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,330
Oh, no, you were.
544
00:24:09,331 --> 00:24:12,033
No, I don't want to sleep
on that couch again tonight.
545
00:24:12,033 --> 00:24:14,201
You were the hit
of the evening.
546
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:16,921
Well, I've got
some work to do.
547
00:24:22,344 --> 00:24:23,962
[Mister Ed laughing]
548
00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:28,850
What are you laughing at?
549
00:24:28,850 --> 00:24:32,103
I met Clint Eastwood's
filly last night.
550
00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:34,271
I was the hit of the evening.
551
00:24:44,032 --> 00:24:46,200
♪ A horse is a horse,of course, of course ♪
552
00:24:46,201 --> 00:24:48,369
♪ And no one can talkto a horse, of course ♪
553
00:24:48,370 --> 00:24:50,538
♪ That is, of course,unless the horse ♪
554
00:24:50,539 --> 00:24:52,707
♪ Is the famous Mister Ed ♪
555
00:24:52,707 --> 00:24:54,875
♪ Go right to the sourceand ask the horse ♪
556
00:24:54,876 --> 00:24:55,960
♪ He'll give youthe answer ♪
557
00:24:55,961 --> 00:24:57,045
♪ That you'll endorse ♪
558
00:24:57,045 --> 00:24:59,213
♪ He's alwayson a steady course ♪
559
00:24:59,214 --> 00:25:01,382
♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪
560
00:25:01,383 --> 00:25:03,551
♪ People yakkity-yaka streak ♪
561
00:25:03,552 --> 00:25:05,170
♪ And wasteyour time of day ♪
562
00:25:05,170 --> 00:25:07,338
♪ But Mister Edwill never speak ♪
563
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:09,507
♪ Unless he hassomething to say ♪
564
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,676
♪ A horse is a horse,of course, of course ♪
565
00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:13,844
♪ And this one will talktill his voice is hoarse ♪
566
00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:16,564
♪ You never heardof a talking horse? ♪
567
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,351
♪ Well, listen to this ♪
568
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:23,071
[Mister Ed]
♪ I am Mister Ed ♪
569
00:25:23,071 --> 00:25:26,324
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
41438
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.