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1
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Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
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That was titled "Essence".
I wrote it about my mom.
3
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,241
This next piece is also about my mom.
4
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- Uh, excuse me...
- Wrap it up, nerd.
5
00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:35,966
- I'm still...
- All right,
6
00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:37,326
I don't know what this is called,
7
00:00:37,327 --> 00:00:38,455
and I don't care.
8
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,538
Two, three, four!
9
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,918
That's kind of loud!
10
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,218
What is the meaning
of this intense bass?
11
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,970
Are you mocking me?!
12
00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:55,721
I don't hear it on our side.
13
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It must be your equipment.
14
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,476
Engineer K'noch, today you die!
15
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,812
Will someone shut that up?!
16
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,566
You're welcome.
17
00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,130
Okay, whatever that was.
18
00:01:12,131 --> 00:01:14,157
Ladies and gentlemen,
"Requiem for a Hug".
19
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:16,701
Captain says you're too loud!
20
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,329
Oh, God, oh, no, no, I'm so sorry.
21
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,403
First officer's log, stardate 57501.4.
22
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,947
The Cerritos is en route
to Cardassia Prime
23
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:37,949
for the most amazing reason.
24
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:40,910
Captain Freeman is going to be
instrumental in brokering peace
25
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,912
between the... Uh, wait.
26
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,914
Just... reading a little message here.
27
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,583
Yada yada yada. Oh.
28
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,585
Oh, no.
29
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:52,046
The captain is not gonna
be happy about this.
30
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,757
What the hell are you talking about!
31
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,342
I'm sorry, Captain Freeman,
32
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,386
but we're moving the peace
negotiations to Vulcan.
33
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,138
Nobody wants to go to Cardassia Prime.
34
00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,223
The Cardassians are
creeping everyone out.
35
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:05,602
But I already prepared a speech,
I learned how to do the dance...
36
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:06,769
I'm sure you'll be involved
37
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,105
in the next historic,
once-in-a-lifetime summit.
38
00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:11,107
For now, you'll be heading to Gelrak V
39
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:14,110
and, uh, endowing them
with diplomatic trinkets.
40
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,678
We're delivering gifts?
41
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:16,779
Godspeed, Captain.
42
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:21,284
I spent weeks learning how to
bark out Cardassian small talk.
43
00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:22,928
Seems like they just changed locations.
44
00:03:23,011 --> 00:03:24,811
I don't think it was a
slight on the Cerritos.
45
00:03:24,812 --> 00:03:25,841
Yeah, right.
46
00:03:25,874 --> 00:03:28,255
Nobody respects us, because
we don't demand their respect.
47
00:03:28,256 --> 00:03:29,256
This ship is a joke.
48
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,753
Well, then we're the funniest
joke in all of Starfleet.
49
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,588
Shut up, Jack! I'm sick of it.
50
00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:35,173
We have to do something to prove
51
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,216
that this crew isn't
a bunch of slackers.
52
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,638
Okay, try it now.
53
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,514
Field strength is at...
54
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:44,974
- Ooh!
- 100%.
55
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,643
You almost phasered me!
56
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,977
Calm down. It's set to...
57
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,854
Uh, it was... it was set to stun.
58
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,178
Hey, Boimler, how's the field
integrity looking in there?
59
00:03:52,179 --> 00:03:54,150
Uh... oh!
60
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,527
It's good.
61
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,988
Okay. Computer,
margaritas. Frozen. Salt.
62
00:03:59,048 --> 00:04:00,488
Wait, don't we have to report
63
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:02,089
that we're done so we
can get a new task?
64
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:04,573
Don't sweat it, baby girl... like
many things, commanders have
65
00:04:04,574 --> 00:04:07,163
no idea how long it takes to
balance a phase variance.
66
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:09,206
You never admit the actual
amount of time it takes
67
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,530
to finish a job... if you did,
your days would be packed.
68
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,003
- Isn't that lying?
- No. It's creative estimating.
69
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,463
When you get an assignment,
70
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,215
you exaggerate how long it's gonna take,
71
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,967
then you're a hero when it's done early.
72
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,010
Eh, it's just a little
buffer time. No biggie.
73
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,387
And you're okay with this?
74
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:24,806
No! If it were up to me,
we'd never take a break.
75
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,516
But it's Lower Decks tradition.
76
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,394
Tendi, how long will it
take to repair a biobed?
77
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,813
Oh, uh, that would take about five...
78
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,356
hours.
79
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,565
Excuse me?
80
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,317
That's great!
81
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,860
Aw, Tendi, look at us.
82
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,696
Lower Decks... breaching
protocol together.
83
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,364
Friendship!
84
00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:48,371
Oh, be sure to stroll through
the ship as slowly as possible.
85
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,998
It's not like we're busy exploring
86
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,374
the mysteries of the cosmos!
87
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,547
Does no one do any work around here?!
88
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,174
- Geez, there goes buffer time.
- What was that, Ensign?
89
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,843
Uh, nothing, Captain.
90
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:08,878
- Uh...
- Bridge.
91
00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:10,518
Cap'n. I mean, Captain.
92
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,730
Anything to report, Ensign?
93
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,065
Uh, keeping busy. I
inventoried Cargo Bay Four,
94
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,692
assisted with the baryon sweep
95
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,069
of the warp nacelles,
skipped buffer time
96
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,405
- and went straight to work on...
- Turbolift halt!
97
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,866
What is "buffer time"?
98
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,284
Uh...
99
00:05:29,136 --> 00:05:31,047
What's up with you?
You're looking more, like,
100
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:32,130
weaselly than usual.
101
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,850
Well, th-that's just how my face looks.
102
00:05:33,911 --> 00:05:35,591
You-you know that.
103
00:05:35,592 --> 00:05:36,599
Oh.
104
00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:38,896
"Effective immediately, the
Lower Deck scheduling deceit
105
00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:40,423
will no longer be tolerated"?
106
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:41,632
What scheduling deceit?
107
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,426
Wait. Let me see. "All assignments
108
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,790
"must be completed and logged
in exactly the time mandated
109
00:05:45,791 --> 00:05:48,389
- by command"?
- Are we being timed?
110
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,313
"Failure to meet quotas
will not be tolerated".
111
00:05:50,314 --> 00:05:51,726
Ah, this is bad, this is bad.
112
00:05:51,746 --> 00:05:54,186
I-I thought it was tradition. I
thought you said nobody cared.
113
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,107
They didn't. There was no
way the captain noticed
114
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:57,273
we were padding stuff out.
115
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,399
Somebody ratted.
116
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,610
I bet it was Delta shift.
117
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:01,986
Yeah. Delta shift is the worst.
118
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,710
They think they're so
much better than us,
119
00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:05,513
just because they're so
much better than us.
120
00:06:05,587 --> 00:06:08,034
It doesn't matter who ratted.
We don't need buffer time.
121
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:10,078
We're Starfleet. We're
the best of the best,
122
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,954
and we can still get
everything done early.
123
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,956
Boimler's right. We don't
need a buffer time.
124
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,459
- We've got this!
- Yeah, no, yeah, you're probably right.
125
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,461
What's one less margarita a day?
126
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,808
Excuse me!
127
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,770
Watch it.
128
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,533
Rutherford, I need that diagnostic
129
00:06:37,534 --> 00:06:38,911
on the guidance system, now!
130
00:06:38,994 --> 00:06:40,191
But now is right now!
131
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,442
Move!
132
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,069
- Move, move, move, move!
- Aah!
133
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,512
Come on, watch where you're going.
134
00:06:44,555 --> 00:06:46,836
Now I only have ten minutes
to do a 30-minute calibration.
135
00:06:46,891 --> 00:06:48,699
Stop yelling!
136
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:49,992
Uh, sorry, wish I could help.
137
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,716
I'm late for Ransom's
stupid away mission.
138
00:06:51,717 --> 00:06:53,569
Ensign Tendi! You were supposed to be
139
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,123
in sickbay 20 minutes ago!
140
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,999
- I'm coming!
- Personal Log:
141
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,443
I've completed all of today's
assignments ahead of schedule,
142
00:06:59,444 --> 00:07:00,670
and have requested more.
143
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,172
Space: The funnest frontier?
144
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:07,009
Ooh. Somebody's got to
purge the calibration matrix.
145
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,302
I call dibs!
146
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,346
♪ Ooh, I love purgin' ♪
147
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,589
♪ I purge you, I purge you ♪
148
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,190
♪ I purge you, I purge you ♪
149
00:07:13,191 --> 00:07:15,271
♪ I purge, purge, purge,
purge, purge, purge, purge ♪
150
00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:17,311
♪ And a puh and an urge
and a puh and an urge ♪
151
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,480
♪ Ooh, I love purgin'! ♪
152
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,816
All right, let's see a
little hustle there, guys.
153
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:24,527
An away mission is only
routine until it isn't.
154
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,612
Horned gorillas, sentient tar,
155
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,655
spores that make you hook up
with your best friend's sister...
156
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,408
all disasters I've
personally experienced
157
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,660
on missions that should
have been a walk in the park.
158
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:34,203
Mariner, you're late.
159
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,167
Uh, no, I've been here
the whole time, you know,
160
00:07:36,168 --> 00:07:38,716
loading stuff, hearing about
gorillas, uh, spores, et cetera,
161
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,926
that weird story you told us
about your best friend's sister.
162
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,003
Get it together, Mariner.
163
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,686
The captain has us
on a strict timetable.
164
00:07:43,687 --> 00:07:45,047
Well, then maybe you could help
165
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,811
instead of whatever
you're doing right now.
166
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,551
I am helping. I'm commanding.
167
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,553
You're lucky your phaser
accuracy is so high,
168
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,722
or I'd never let you beam off this ship.
169
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,891
We wouldn't even be going
on a mission if the admiral
170
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,602
hadn't downgraded the
captain to delivering gifts.
171
00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,021
- Come on, let's bail.
- No. And roll down those sleeves.
172
00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:01,564
This isn't a barn.
173
00:08:06,271 --> 00:08:08,582
The Gelrakians base their
entire social structure
174
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:09,597
around crystals.
175
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,366
When we land, we must display
the honor crystal they gave
176
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,911
to the first contact team to
show that we come in peace.
177
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,412
I should've tried that with my ex.
178
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:17,872
Yeah.
179
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,918
I'm picking up an increase
in atmospheric hydromounds.
180
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,321
Yeah, they're called clouds, man.
181
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,936
Just to be safe, I'll
disengage autopilot
182
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,464
and land her manually.
183
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,187
That's literally what
the autopilot's for.
184
00:08:28,188 --> 00:08:29,856
It's an automatic pilot.
185
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,337
Perfect landing, sir.
186
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,229
Not even my best work, to be honest.
187
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,792
- We could've just beamed down.
- I didn't catch that, Mariner.
188
00:08:43,795 --> 00:08:46,115
Uh, yeah I just said we should
get going, clock is ticking.
189
00:08:46,116 --> 00:08:47,401
Uh, productivity and et cetera.
190
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,487
We'll go when I give the order.
191
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:53,449
Let's roll.
192
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,091
Greetings. It is an honor to...
193
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:05,169
Ensign Vendome, the honor crystal.
194
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,299
- This isn't crystals.
- He's got wood. He's got wood!
195
00:09:10,358 --> 00:09:11,758
Uh-oh, that doesn't sound peaceful.
196
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,439
- Uh, uh...
- Where's the crystal, Vendome?
197
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,717
Sir, I loaded the wrong case.
198
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,931
This is a fertility totem
meant for Mavok Prime.
199
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,474
I-I was rushing to finish my tasks.
200
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:20,142
You dare insult us
201
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,980
with this perverted wooden sex
charm of our sworn enemies?
202
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,439
This is an act of war.
203
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,650
Starfleet scum!
204
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,069
Vendome!
205
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,704
There's too many of them. Fall back!
206
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,455
Come on.
207
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:47,251
- Oh, God, I'm gonna die!
- We live on a spaceship.
208
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,588
Nobody is dying from a spear wound.
209
00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:51,966
Crystals!
210
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,176
- Oh. Hate when this happens.
- Oh!
211
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,178
Let's just stun them
and get out of here!
212
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,556
Negative, we just signed
them into the Federation.
213
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,516
What this calls for is some classic
214
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,310
Jack Ransom peace brokering.
215
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:03,477
Are you out of your mind?
216
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,645
Watch and learn.
217
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,022
This is gonna be awesome.
218
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,357
Attention, Gelrakians,
I am Commander Jack...
219
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,359
Ooh!
220
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,528
All right, that was awesome.
221
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,864
Ah, circled by spears.
222
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,199
This is a classic. What am I, Kirk?
223
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,035
Is this the 2260s? All right.
224
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,209
Whoa, oh, hey, hey!
225
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,711
Uh, we got acid here.
226
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,838
Excuse me!
227
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,841
Rutherford.
228
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,217
Aah, Tendi, what the hell?
229
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:36,385
Can't talk, got to work.
230
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,486
I'm compiling.
231
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,971
What?
232
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,349
The impulse manifold needs
to be degaussed again.
233
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,225
I have to assist with a surgery,
234
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,895
and I honestly can't remember
which deck sickbay is on!
235
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,730
- Uh, 26?
- Is that...?
236
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,523
Do we have that many?
237
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,025
Enter security code.
238
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,444
- I'm waiting, Ensign.
- Sorry, Captain.
239
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:54,927
Something's wrong with the console.
240
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,281
Move! I'll do it myself.
241
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,867
Lieutenant Shaxs, any
word from the away team?
242
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:03,412
Captain, the sensors have
picked up Gelrakian ships
243
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,122
approaching off the starboard bow.
244
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:06,206
What?
245
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,283
On screen.
246
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:09,059
What is...? Are we
supposed to be hosting
247
00:11:09,143 --> 00:11:10,352
a welcome dinner or something?
248
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,213
Captain, they're locking phasers.
249
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:13,464
Really?
250
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,632
Raise shields.
251
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,927
- Shaxs?
- I'm trying, Captain.
252
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,637
Something's wrong with the controls.
253
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,597
Ah, stupid controls.
254
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,392
Do I have to run this whole ship myself?
255
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,290
They've launched boarding pods!
256
00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:28,334
Red alert!
257
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,443
Repel all intruders, but do
not use it as an excuse
258
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,945
to stop doing what you are doing.
259
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,613
I want to stay on track and on time.
260
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,615
It's called multi-tasking, people.
261
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,909
They do it on the
Enterprise all the time.
262
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:44,232
I don't want to hear any
complaining, I only want to hear
263
00:11:44,315 --> 00:11:46,596
repelling of intruders and
people getting their work done!
264
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,419
Swords and spears... how
did these guys get on board?
265
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,466
Hey, guy.
266
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,268
Hey, guy?
267
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,386
Hey, guy, is this what you
wanted to do with your life?
268
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,867
Just capture people... is that what
you dreamt of when you were
269
00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:06,121
a little whatever-you-are?
Are you fulfilled by that?
270
00:12:06,204 --> 00:12:07,810
- Yes.
- Wow, all right, uh...
271
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,854
well, do you know what,
that means you're lame.
272
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,981
- You're a loser.
- Hey, keep it down!
273
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,358
I'm writing a speech that will
convince them to let us go.
274
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,445
A speech, seriously?
Permission to speak freely.
275
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,779
You always speak freely.
276
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,463
Nobody can stop you
from speaking freely.
277
00:12:20,547 --> 00:12:21,880
All right, you know what
you've got going on?
278
00:12:21,881 --> 00:12:23,659
You have broad shoulders and shiny hair
279
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:25,902
and you talk a good game,
but when it comes to actually
280
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,164
doing the job... the
job... you don't have it.
281
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:31,167
I'm calling bull[BLEEP] on
your whole thing here, sir.
282
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,570
You're so busy breaking protocol
that you never look ahead.
283
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,587
One of these days you're going
to get someone killed, Ensign.
284
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,006
With all due respect, sir,
285
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,849
my friends aren't trapped
in an alien prison,
286
00:12:38,850 --> 00:12:40,342
your team is.
287
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,678
That's not my team, it's our team.
288
00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:44,805
But I guess you don't think that way.
289
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,849
Here we go, show time.
290
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,477
We may come from different worlds,
291
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,646
- but on the inside we are all...
- Silence, Starfleet!
292
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,900
You are being held responsible
for the lies of the Federation.
293
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,068
Your trial will be by combat.
294
00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,945
Yes, now we're talking!
295
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,869
And by "talking", of
course, I mean "fighting".
296
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:05,201
One of you must face
our greatest champion, Vindor.
297
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:08,496
Usually we start the battle and
Vindor steps out of the shadows
298
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,539
and it's super intimidating,
but he's here,
299
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,542
so I'm just gonna show
him to you right now.
300
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,669
Vindor.
301
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,671
If you win, we let you go.
302
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:21,050
If you lose, you'll be dead
and your away team
303
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:24,053
will be crushed by the
adjudication geode.
304
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,096
Crystals!
305
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,601
Okay, I'm looking at a
lot of blank faces here.
306
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:32,937
An adjudication geode is a special type
307
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,580
of constitutional crystal we use
to legally smoosh our criminals.
308
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:37,066
Here is your battle blade.
309
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,693
You have one hour to choose
310
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,238
who gets the honor of
being slaughtered by Vindor.
311
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,323
If you can't decide, we will...
312
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:45,490
- I'll do it!
- I'll do it! Give it to me!
313
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,616
- Yo, I touched it first.
- Give it, come...
314
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:47,717
- Tell him! No, me!
- No, mine!
315
00:13:47,718 --> 00:13:48,835
You do realize you're
fighting over who gets
316
00:13:48,836 --> 00:13:49,896
to be chopped in half by Vindor, right?
317
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:50,977
- Me, dibs!
- No, I said me,
318
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,836
- I touched it first.
- Come on. Give it to me.
319
00:13:52,837 --> 00:13:54,289
- Jack Ransom... it's mine!
- No! No!
320
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,217
Aah!
321
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,428
Translation... "Bark
hugging root smoochers"?
322
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,056
What the heck got these
guys so wound up?
323
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,433
Gah, this is totally gonna
mess up my schedule.
324
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,645
Don't move, human!
325
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:15,771
We have you surrounded.
326
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:17,690
Yeah, but I-I have a phaser.
327
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,235
These guys are lightweights.
328
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,737
This is what the red alert's about?
329
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:27,241
Captain, I just phasered
some Gelrakians?
330
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,079
- Um, hello?
- Intruder!
331
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,791
Oh, it's just that huffy ensign.
332
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,194
- Sorry, Boimler.
- I'm not huffy.
333
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,586
Why aren't you at your post?
334
00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:40,109
We wouldn't even be in this situation
335
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:41,297
if you weren't slacking off.
336
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,464
I'm not!
337
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,301
Damn it! We're 15 minutes behind.
338
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,469
Our entire schedule is going
to be off for the month.
339
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,471
Wait a minute... clocks,
340
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,682
time, schedules.
341
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,602
You guys are under the
strict scheduling, too?
342
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,895
I have to be... I'm manning
every station on my own.
343
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,480
What? No, no, no, no, no.
344
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,164
This is all wrong... you're the captain!
345
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,885
I need us working harder
and faster and stricter!
346
00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:05,494
Where are you hiding your crystals?!
347
00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:06,655
We don't have any crystals!
348
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,099
I mean we do have dilithium,
but we're not giving you those.
349
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,164
Trial by combat is my responsibility.
350
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,833
I'm ranking officer, I'll be
fighting Vindor, end of story!
351
00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:19,460
Rank means nothing right now.
352
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,337
Rank means everything always!
353
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,340
You know what, I do get
off on breaking protocol.
354
00:15:23,341 --> 00:15:25,507
I'm good at exploring
strange new worlds,
355
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,010
solving space mysteries
and kicking asses.
356
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,346
Protocol is for people that
need to be told what to do,
357
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,348
which I don't. See this bad boy?
358
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:33,682
Tentacle guy, bunch of arms.
359
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,351
Stabbed me with a barnacle blade.
360
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,812
Check it out... Magus III,
Nanibia Prime, Scottsdale.
361
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,022
That was a mess.
362
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,566
I earned every one
in high-concept fights
363
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:43,692
just like this one.
364
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,818
So? What do you got?
365
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,279
- Let me see your scars.
- You know I don't have any.
366
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,530
Because you play it safe.
367
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,241
You said it... that's our
team under that geode.
368
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:54,078
Let me do what I'm good
at, let me save them.
369
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:57,039
Sometimes you have to do
what's wrong to survive.
370
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,540
You're right.
371
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,253
What the [BLEEP]?! Ah, God, oh!
372
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,756
You stabbed me in the
foot with a battle blade!
373
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,217
I'd rather die than let you
put your life on the line.
374
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,551
Oh, you are such a psycho!
375
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,678
What are you doing?
376
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:12,221
Ow! Why?
377
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,223
I'm the first officer of
a Federation starship,
378
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,724
and your commander.
379
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,143
And nobody crushes my team.
380
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,687
Let's do this!
381
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,398
Vindor! Vindor!
382
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,108
Vindor! Vindor!
383
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,818
Vindor!
384
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,864
- Vindor?
- Come on, big guy.
385
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:34,034
I only need my hands for this one.
386
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,919
Ha-ha-ha! Yah!
387
00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:47,965
Ha-ha!
388
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,883
- Double-fist punch!
- Oh!
389
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,264
Whoa, that was actually kind of hot.
390
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,224
Ugh! Get it together,
Mariner, get it together.
391
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,059
You are not into this. Come on.
392
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,491
Let's see how much those
Federation wood lovers
393
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,947
like our crystal graffiti. Ha-ha-ha!
394
00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,244
I-I need to get back to comms.
395
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,047
- Captain, listen to me...
- Don't touch me!
396
00:17:19,048 --> 00:17:21,508
This is all my fault, thinking
I belong at a peace summit
397
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,302
when I can't even keep
my own ship together.
398
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,975
What? Captain, no.
You did nothing wrong.
399
00:17:24,976 --> 00:17:26,295
Your schedules, your rules...
400
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,058
this has been the
greatest week of my life.
401
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,650
You run the tightest ship in Starfleet.
402
00:17:29,651 --> 00:17:30,966
Captain, we need to act now!
403
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:33,135
"Tightest ship". Then
why is it falling apart?
404
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,803
Because not everyone is a Boimler.
405
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,805
This crew has their limits.
They're only human.
406
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,474
Well, and Vulcan. And Orion.
407
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,142
There's that Benzite guy in Tactical...
408
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,977
Damn it, man! If you're
trying to inspire
409
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:44,229
some sort of resolution,
then inspire it now!
410
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:46,648
Ugh, it kills me to say this,
but for the good of the ship
411
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,317
we have to... loosen up.
412
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,527
Loosen up? But then we're
right back to buffer time.
413
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,446
Yes, when people could
do whatever they had to
414
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,529
to get the job done.
415
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:57,284
You're a great captain.
Let them be a great crew.
416
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,660
You're... you're right!
417
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,788
I am a great captain!
418
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,125
Attention all decks: as of now,
419
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:08,504
I am authorizing all
crew to break any rule,
420
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,840
abandon any protocol, and
cut any corner to defend
421
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,342
the Cerritos.
422
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:14,885
You are Starfleet...
423
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:18,305
Do what you have to do
to take back this ship.
424
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,388
Buffer time!
425
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,986
I demand
426
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,530
a peaceful negotiation. Yah!
427
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,657
I respect your sovereignty.
428
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,826
Mm, so ethical.
429
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,167
Interlocked hands!
430
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,627
Stop! Stop! I submit!
431
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,671
I thought you only said "Vindor".
432
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,881
It's so the other guys
think I'm strong and dumb.
433
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,050
But I'm not. I love to read!
434
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,554
Well, all right, you're
free, you're all free.
435
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,597
Everybody's free.
436
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,726
Whoo-whoo! Starfleet!
437
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,062
Oh, I see how it is... you're
gonna stab me, but then
438
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,345
you don't stab Vindor? What
are your priorities, Ransom?
439
00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:10,346
I ju... Whoa!
440
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,150
We got to stop doing trial by combat,
441
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,236
or we'll never get to use the geode.
442
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,572
How about a regular trial, with a judge?
443
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,240
And instead of the geode...
444
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,243
Oh! We could do a death race!
445
00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:22,157
Start building a crystal car!
446
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:24,621
Crystals.
447
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,294
Ha-ha!
448
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,298
Ooh!
449
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:39,261
Oh!
450
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:05,495
Hey, sorry about the whole
"invading your ship" thing.
451
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,956
You know? Very un-crystal-like of us.
452
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,125
Don't worry about it. I'd
rather be here with you
453
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,336
than with those freaks on Mavok Prime.
454
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,338
Wood-worshiping freaks, right?
455
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,298
Come on.
456
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:18,926
You'll be fine.
457
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,969
Want me to clean up
those disgusting scars?
458
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,305
Uh, no way. No. These are my trophies.
459
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:26,308
Congratulations, you look like
a [BLEEP] scratching post.
460
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,976
- Mariner.
- Commander.
461
00:20:28,054 --> 00:20:29,894
I would appreciate it if
you give me a heads-up
462
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,295
before you file your report. It
would give me some extra time
463
00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:34,298
to pack up my free weights...
there's a ton of 'em.
464
00:20:34,381 --> 00:20:36,610
- What report?
- For stabbing you with a battle blade.
465
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:38,195
That's a guaranteed court-martial.
466
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:40,322
I am not filing a report, actually.
467
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,366
But... I thought you hated me.
468
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:44,117
You talk about yourself
a little too much,
469
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,786
but stabbing me, breaking protocol...
470
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,496
that was actually pretty cool.
471
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,790
Sometimes I forget what
Starfleet's all about,
472
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,000
and today you reminded me.
473
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,419
Plus, this is gonna make a good scar.
474
00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:57,339
A great scar.
475
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,176
- Take her away, boys!
- W-Wait, what? Why?
476
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:02,859
Because you ignored
me when I ordered you
477
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,805
to roll down your sleeves.
They're against code.
478
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:07,057
The sleeve thing? You're an idiot.
479
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:09,893
You just earned an
extra day in the brig!
480
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,104
Joke's on you, man... I love the brig!
481
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,690
I'm going to my favorite place!
482
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:18,026
Next time, I'm gonna
let somebody kill you.
483
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,070
I'm gonna dance in your blood!
484
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:23,490
Okay. That was kind of hot.
485
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:26,535
Come.
486
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,058
- You wanted to see me, Captain?
- It took the eyes of a child
487
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,540
to see what we were
blind to today, Boimler.
488
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,709
If it wasn't for you, we
would still be following
489
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,252
every little rule in the book.
490
00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:36,855
Wait, is that bad? 'Cause I love rules.
491
00:21:36,856 --> 00:21:38,505
We're instituting a
new ship-wide mandate,
492
00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:41,049
and we're calling it
the "Boimler Effect".
493
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,759
Really? I-I'm honored.
494
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,553
You should be. The
Boimler Effect is about
495
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:46,388
encouraging shortcuts
and preventing people
496
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,348
from just blindly following the rules.
497
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,517
From now on, the crew
can build in buffer time
498
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:51,768
whenever they deem fit.
499
00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:53,520
Congratulations. Dismissed.
500
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:55,856
Oh. Well, hey, how about
we add a little thing
501
00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:58,066
about how important it is
to blindly follow rules?
502
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,277
If my name is going to
be associated with...
503
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,738
No, the Boimler Effect is
literally the opposite of that.
504
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,407
But I don't know, I don't know
how I feel about that, and...
505
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:08,035
I-Is it in ink? Is it already
in the system? Is it...
506
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,786
Wow, it's on a plaque.
507
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:12,581
Get back to your station and
do whatever you deem right.
508
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:17,252
I get a whole rule named after me,
509
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,379
and it's all about not following rules.
510
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:21,006
Don't worry about it, man.
511
00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,425
They're always making up new
rules no one ever remembers.
512
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,260
I'm sure this one will fade, too.
513
00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:26,983
Yeah, this isn't something
to worry about.
514
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,430
No one will remember.
515
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,725
Which is why
516
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:34,936
the Boimler Effect is something
we will never forget.
517
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,646
So named after the laziest,
518
00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:39,566
most corner-cutting officer
in Starfleet history,
519
00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:41,401
Brad Boimler,
520
00:22:41,485 --> 00:22:44,738
seen here with one of the
great birds of the galaxy.
521
00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:47,657
Anyway, let's move on to
somebody even more important,
522
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:51,078
perhaps the most important
person in Starfleet history,
523
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:53,997
Chief Miles O'Brien.
524
00:23:26,498 --> 00:23:32,498
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
525
00:24:19,367 --> 00:24:21,527
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
526
00:24:23,229 --> 00:24:24,272
Chirp.
39616
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