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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,400 Previously on "Wynonna Earp"... 2 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,740 I am a fully grown half-angel. 3 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,109 - I am the guardian. - I'm sworn to protect Waverly! 4 00:00:06,111 --> 00:00:08,380 They're working on some inter-dimensional gateway. 5 00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:10,497 It's the 2005 chili cook-off all over again. 6 00:00:10,499 --> 00:00:12,232 I'm gonna be waiting for you 7 00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:13,433 back in Purgatory. 8 00:00:13,435 --> 00:00:14,935 Ahh! 9 00:00:14,937 --> 00:00:18,038 I'm here, and we gotta get back there! Ahh! 10 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,773 No... 11 00:00:19,775 --> 00:00:20,875 Waverly. 12 00:00:21,744 --> 00:00:24,111 - The town... - You've been gone 18 months, 13 00:00:24,113 --> 00:00:26,413 three weeks, and four days. 14 00:00:26,415 --> 00:00:27,814 All of you have. 15 00:00:34,321 --> 00:00:37,591 Someone has been handing out hemp neckties. 16 00:00:37,593 --> 00:00:39,893 That's a clear fashion don't. 17 00:00:39,895 --> 00:00:41,361 Who the hell? And why? 18 00:00:41,363 --> 00:00:42,529 Frontier justice. 19 00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:44,231 Retribution must not only be paid, 20 00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:45,766 it must be seen to be paid. 21 00:00:45,768 --> 00:00:48,402 The old-timey version of "pics or it didn't happen". 22 00:00:49,371 --> 00:00:51,037 Something here is pretty off. 23 00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:52,439 Shorty's. 24 00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:54,541 We think better with a little fire in our bellies. 25 00:01:00,915 --> 00:01:03,283 Uh, Nedley and I were here, 26 00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:05,519 after you followed Waverly up the stairs. 27 00:01:05,521 --> 00:01:07,354 We drank your tequila, 28 00:01:07,356 --> 00:01:09,456 uh, but we did not macramé. 29 00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:12,225 So unless this is just a surprise makeover 30 00:01:12,227 --> 00:01:14,294 by The Property Brothers... 31 00:01:14,296 --> 00:01:16,830 On occasion, I will put it on 32 00:01:16,832 --> 00:01:19,433 in the middle of the afternoon, if I have cleaning to do. 33 00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:22,803 What is this menu? 34 00:01:22,805 --> 00:01:25,272 "Gunfight At The Okra Corral". 35 00:01:25,274 --> 00:01:27,140 What the hell is a Cock Holliday? 36 00:01:27,142 --> 00:01:29,943 It says it is chicken bone broth. 37 00:01:29,945 --> 00:01:32,312 - Is that not simply soup? - Wynonna? 38 00:01:32,314 --> 00:01:33,914 Chrissy Nedley. 39 00:01:33,916 --> 00:01:35,882 Are you a sight for sore livers. 40 00:01:35,884 --> 00:01:38,819 - How dare you?! - Hey, whoa! 41 00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:40,587 What the fig, Chrissy?! 42 00:01:40,589 --> 00:01:42,055 - Wynonna. - Ahh! 43 00:01:46,028 --> 00:01:47,461 Let her go. 44 00:01:52,367 --> 00:01:53,967 Alright, say your piece, Chrissy. 45 00:01:53,969 --> 00:01:55,502 Say your piece, Chrissy, just say your piece. 46 00:01:55,504 --> 00:01:57,337 If you wanna chat, I can chat. I'm a good listener. 47 00:01:57,339 --> 00:02:00,674 Wynonna Earp, I am placing you under citizen's arrest. 48 00:02:00,676 --> 00:02:02,776 For the murder of my father. 49 00:02:02,778 --> 00:02:04,911 Randall Nedley. 50 00:02:10,085 --> 00:02:12,153 It's just so good to be home. 51 00:02:12,155 --> 00:02:16,623 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 52 00:02:33,175 --> 00:02:34,841 I would never hurt Nedley! 53 00:02:34,843 --> 00:02:36,676 As if we'd take the word of an Earp! 54 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:38,311 Your dad did. He trusted me! 55 00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:40,780 - Unhand her at once! - Nedley can't be dead. 56 00:02:40,782 --> 00:02:42,015 We demand proof. 57 00:02:42,017 --> 00:02:44,007 He was last seen with Wynonna. 58 00:02:44,009 --> 00:02:45,985 And that's when she disappeared for a year and a half! 59 00:02:45,987 --> 00:02:48,922 - What a coincidence! - Your dad was helping me! 60 00:02:48,924 --> 00:02:49,990 He was hurt, 61 00:02:49,992 --> 00:02:51,925 but I left him safe with Mercedes! 62 00:02:51,927 --> 00:02:53,360 Wait. When did you say? 63 00:02:53,362 --> 00:02:55,428 We were gone mere days. You lie. 64 00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:56,529 No, no! 65 00:02:56,531 --> 00:02:57,898 We've been waiting too long. 66 00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:59,065 No! 67 00:03:02,604 --> 00:03:04,638 Doc! 68 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,241 Wynonna! 69 00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:11,045 Put the rope down and back away from the woman. 70 00:03:13,482 --> 00:03:15,248 Sheriff. 71 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:16,884 That's not the sheriff. Where's Nicole? 72 00:03:19,554 --> 00:03:21,254 Miss Chrissy, 73 00:03:21,256 --> 00:03:22,889 your dad lived his life for the law. 74 00:03:22,891 --> 00:03:24,758 What would he think of your behavior now? 75 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,361 - You didn't know him. - No. 76 00:03:26,363 --> 00:03:28,805 But I do know this is not the way we do things 77 00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:30,463 in Purgatory. 78 00:03:30,465 --> 00:03:32,433 We want justice! 79 00:03:34,836 --> 00:03:36,436 Thank you. 80 00:03:36,438 --> 00:03:37,704 Yeah, this isn't right! 81 00:03:37,706 --> 00:03:39,105 Just like the criminal vermin 82 00:03:39,107 --> 00:03:41,174 we hung last Monday, 83 00:03:41,176 --> 00:03:43,411 Miss Earp shall have a trial first. 84 00:03:45,013 --> 00:03:46,780 Get Waverly! Get Nicole! 85 00:03:46,782 --> 00:03:48,749 I shall get everyone. 86 00:03:58,393 --> 00:03:59,860 - Sup? - Whoa! 87 00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:03,563 Valdez. Rachel Valdez. 88 00:04:03,565 --> 00:04:04,731 Hi. 89 00:04:04,733 --> 00:04:06,767 - I'm, uh... - Cold? 90 00:04:08,804 --> 00:04:10,737 Yeah. Frozen. 91 00:04:10,739 --> 00:04:12,173 I mean, I'm practically Elsa! 92 00:04:13,709 --> 00:04:16,810 - I had no idea you were... - Kombucha? 93 00:04:16,812 --> 00:04:18,244 Pardon? 94 00:04:18,246 --> 00:04:20,413 I make it myself. And after last night, 95 00:04:20,415 --> 00:04:21,849 I bet you need some hydration. 96 00:04:22,851 --> 00:04:25,285 Mmm. 97 00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:27,320 Microbes. 98 00:04:27,322 --> 00:04:29,489 So, you're staying here? 99 00:04:31,326 --> 00:04:33,026 Batman in the microwave! 100 00:04:33,028 --> 00:04:35,161 What? What is that? 101 00:04:35,163 --> 00:04:37,131 - There's something in the trap. - Which one? 102 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,899 - Behind the barn. - What are we trapping? 103 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,336 Monsters. 104 00:04:43,338 --> 00:04:44,437 Huh. 105 00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:54,347 There's ten traps on the homestead. 106 00:04:54,349 --> 00:04:56,616 We gotta do a full circuit check every two hours. 107 00:04:56,618 --> 00:04:58,385 I thought the curse was broken. 108 00:04:58,387 --> 00:04:59,853 Traps aren't for Revenants. 109 00:04:59,855 --> 00:05:01,688 There's all sorts of things in the woods now. 110 00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:02,924 And one of them, 111 00:05:02,926 --> 00:05:05,458 this big ugly troll, wants in here bad. 112 00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:07,895 Oh, tarnation! 113 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:12,401 Thank you for the exceptionally tight welcome. 114 00:05:12,403 --> 00:05:15,135 Rachel, Doc, Doc, Rachel. 115 00:05:15,137 --> 00:05:16,870 Sup? 116 00:05:16,872 --> 00:05:18,239 Don't move. 117 00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:21,675 I am rather determined not to. 118 00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:25,011 Ohh! 119 00:05:25,013 --> 00:05:28,014 It is good to see you, Sheriff Haught. 120 00:05:28,016 --> 00:05:30,517 Yeah, well, these days, it's just Nicole, or... 121 00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:32,286 "that crazy ginger bitch". 122 00:05:34,923 --> 00:05:36,089 God, it's... 123 00:05:36,091 --> 00:05:37,724 I'm so, so glad you made it, Henry. 124 00:05:37,726 --> 00:05:39,025 Ugh! 125 00:05:39,027 --> 00:05:40,894 You smell aggressively bad. 126 00:05:40,896 --> 00:05:43,163 Yeah, we use skunk juice to bait the traps. 127 00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:44,864 Wynonna isn't marinating in skunk juice 128 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,066 in one of these, is she? 129 00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:48,234 - Wynonna is in jail. - What? 130 00:05:48,236 --> 00:05:49,502 They have framed her. 131 00:05:49,504 --> 00:05:51,871 For the murder of Randy Nedley. 132 00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:54,908 Who are you? 133 00:05:54,910 --> 00:05:56,509 You can call me the Sheriff. 134 00:05:56,511 --> 00:05:58,578 Okay, then you can call me an Uber. 135 00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:01,748 Ooh! Uh... 136 00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:04,083 Back away from the glass, 6-1-3-3. 137 00:06:04,085 --> 00:06:05,118 Dude... 138 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,821 There's a guy in there, I'm not going in there. 139 00:06:06,823 --> 00:06:08,521 Yeah, main cell's chock-a-block. 140 00:06:08,523 --> 00:06:11,392 But believe you me, he's far from the worst of 'em. 141 00:06:13,361 --> 00:06:14,661 Uh... 142 00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:16,931 Assless chap? I want my phone call! 143 00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:21,000 - I want my phone call! - Sorry I can't hear you. 144 00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:22,736 I demand a phone call! 145 00:06:25,607 --> 00:06:29,209 - Who are you? - Casey. You? 146 00:06:29,211 --> 00:06:31,211 Local nogoodnik, Wynonna Earp. 147 00:06:31,213 --> 00:06:33,480 Ahh! 148 00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:34,881 I thought I'd be safe in here! 149 00:06:34,883 --> 00:06:36,449 Wow. Didn't even have to steal your pudding cup 150 00:06:36,451 --> 00:06:38,051 to establish who's boss. Nice. 151 00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:41,355 From demons and famous demon hunters. 152 00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:46,058 Back up one sec. 153 00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:49,162 Pretend I haven't been here for, say, a year and a half, 154 00:06:49,164 --> 00:06:50,697 and just explain to me. 155 00:06:50,699 --> 00:06:52,098 Uh, since the town was evacuated 156 00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,534 - for the forest fires? - Say I remember that. 157 00:06:54,536 --> 00:06:56,703 Oh, well, the townspeople left, 158 00:06:56,705 --> 00:06:57,937 but demons came. 159 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,706 You know when there's, like, a bush party? 160 00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,441 And nobody knows who started it, 161 00:07:01,443 --> 00:07:03,510 but everybody hears about it somehow? 162 00:07:03,512 --> 00:07:04,978 They all just started showing up. 163 00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:06,513 Everybody shows up for bush. 164 00:07:06,515 --> 00:07:08,848 Yeah, the townspeople were allowed to come back home, 165 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:11,017 and there was, like, an ongoing demon rager, 166 00:07:11,019 --> 00:07:13,052 centered around the woods. 167 00:07:13,054 --> 00:07:15,455 - The stairs. - I'm not, I'm not staring! 168 00:07:15,457 --> 00:07:17,090 Also I'm only a half-demon! 169 00:07:17,092 --> 00:07:18,224 So, you know, please don't shoot! 170 00:07:18,226 --> 00:07:19,425 Casey, don't be a weenie. 171 00:07:19,427 --> 00:07:21,327 I don't even have my gun anymore. 172 00:07:21,329 --> 00:07:23,329 In here... 173 00:07:23,331 --> 00:07:24,971 Obviously the Sheriff would have taken it. 174 00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:27,600 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. 175 00:07:28,703 --> 00:07:31,371 So the woods are full of monsters. 176 00:07:31,373 --> 00:07:33,006 Crawling with 'em. 177 00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:35,808 These days, the only place scarier than in here... 178 00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:37,477 is out there. 179 00:08:00,391 --> 00:08:03,759 I have a half-knitted scarf I was making him for Christmas. 180 00:08:03,761 --> 00:08:05,661 His waders are still in the barn. 181 00:08:05,663 --> 00:08:06,697 Yeah. I know, Waves. 182 00:08:06,699 --> 00:08:09,240 It's tough to think of a world without Randy Nedley. 183 00:08:09,242 --> 00:08:12,944 How can he just... be gone? 184 00:08:12,946 --> 00:08:15,880 It was months of chaos after the evacuation ended. 185 00:08:15,882 --> 00:08:17,715 People came back, yeah, but... 186 00:08:17,717 --> 00:08:20,152 to be blunt, others just disappeared. 187 00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:22,220 Kate? 188 00:08:22,222 --> 00:08:24,022 I saw her on one of the evacuation trains. 189 00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:25,090 But beyond that... 190 00:08:25,092 --> 00:08:27,092 Jeremy? And Robin? 191 00:08:27,094 --> 00:08:28,412 Jeremy's getting by, 192 00:08:28,414 --> 00:08:30,781 though I haven't heard from him in months. 193 00:08:30,783 --> 00:08:32,717 Robin... 194 00:08:34,787 --> 00:08:36,585 How could we have been in that garden 195 00:08:36,587 --> 00:08:37,921 for a year and a half? 196 00:08:37,923 --> 00:08:41,226 We were not. Time must be differentiated, 197 00:08:41,228 --> 00:08:42,592 fluid in some manner. 198 00:08:42,594 --> 00:08:45,429 Yeah, God, it's such a mind-frog. 199 00:08:45,431 --> 00:08:47,130 I mean, how old even am I? 200 00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:49,968 I missed so many Property Brothers! 201 00:08:50,836 --> 00:08:52,369 I feel that. 202 00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:54,438 At least if we'd have lived the past 18 months, 203 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,773 it would be easier to... 204 00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:58,077 There was nothing easy about those months. Not a thing. 205 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,213 No, I didn't mean it like that. 206 00:09:01,613 --> 00:09:02,946 Not like that at all. 207 00:09:02,948 --> 00:09:04,948 There's no almond milk. 208 00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:07,751 It's still hard to get some things. Sorry. 209 00:09:07,753 --> 00:09:11,154 Please don't say you're sorry anymore, okay? 210 00:09:11,156 --> 00:09:12,756 You don't need to be. 211 00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:14,726 What you have done, Sheriff... 212 00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:20,197 Nicole... 213 00:09:20,199 --> 00:09:22,165 is nothing short of heroic. 214 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:23,907 In the face of all adversity, 215 00:09:23,909 --> 00:09:26,177 you alone kept the homestead safe. 216 00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:28,872 I had Rachel. 217 00:09:28,874 --> 00:09:30,675 And the Earp shotguns. 218 00:09:31,844 --> 00:09:34,779 And Wynonna still hasn't come home. 219 00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:37,547 They have to let us see her. 220 00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:41,018 Wynonna said she last left Nedley with Mercedes. 221 00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:43,553 - What is the news on her? - It's not good. 222 00:09:43,555 --> 00:09:45,489 There's a new demon bar out on Horsehead Trail. 223 00:09:45,491 --> 00:09:48,127 And, though given the circumstances, 224 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,696 it is but a trifle... 225 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:53,196 is there word of my Charlene? 226 00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:03,807 Woo-hoo! 227 00:10:14,436 --> 00:10:16,704 Vacation is over, assholes. 228 00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:21,192 It is time for a Holliday. 229 00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:25,596 The club is members only. 230 00:10:26,665 --> 00:10:27,965 Well, here are my dues. 231 00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:33,336 Salutations, Patrons of... 232 00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:36,073 The Glory Hole? 233 00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:38,608 Is that really the name of this latrine? 234 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:41,478 "Why should I obtain by force 235 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,815 that which I can obtain by cheating?" 236 00:10:44,817 --> 00:10:47,784 John Henry Holliday, 237 00:10:47,786 --> 00:10:51,221 born 1851, Griffin, Georgia. 238 00:10:51,223 --> 00:10:52,223 Amon. 239 00:10:53,892 --> 00:10:56,159 I'm the proprietor of this latrine. 240 00:10:56,161 --> 00:10:59,062 You sure you wouldn't rather cheat than force your way in? 241 00:10:59,064 --> 00:11:01,131 Bring me Ms. Gardner. 242 00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:04,000 Unless you fancy kissing hardwood too. 243 00:11:04,002 --> 00:11:05,735 Hmm, well... 244 00:11:05,737 --> 00:11:07,890 There were parts of that scenario 245 00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:10,327 which I found enticing. 246 00:11:12,411 --> 00:11:15,079 Big fan, Mr. H. 247 00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:18,783 It's a demon bar. 248 00:11:19,818 --> 00:11:23,855 You think we're not thrilled to welcome an undead legend? 249 00:11:26,391 --> 00:11:28,592 Not the worst thing I've been called. 250 00:11:31,263 --> 00:11:33,830 Welcome to my Glory Hole. 251 00:11:33,832 --> 00:11:35,966 That's right, bonbons. 252 00:11:35,968 --> 00:11:38,268 It's time for your nicest vice, 253 00:11:38,270 --> 00:11:40,971 the mistress of the ruthless. 254 00:11:43,175 --> 00:11:44,474 Portia Control. 255 00:11:44,476 --> 00:11:47,210 ♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪ 256 00:11:47,212 --> 00:11:49,946 ♪ See the city lights, it's the red light district ♪ 257 00:11:49,948 --> 00:11:53,016 ♪ Do you want to go downtown ♪ 258 00:11:55,586 --> 00:11:58,188 If they think they're gonna lock up my sister 259 00:11:58,190 --> 00:12:00,357 for the maybe murder of my favorite Sheriff, 260 00:12:00,359 --> 00:12:02,192 present company excepted, of course. 261 00:12:02,194 --> 00:12:03,627 Present company not the Sheriff. 262 00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:05,896 Yeah, and what the hell's that about?! 263 00:12:05,898 --> 00:12:07,797 Yeah. You haven't met the "they" yet. 264 00:12:07,799 --> 00:12:10,033 Nicole. I am gonna go to town 265 00:12:10,035 --> 00:12:11,968 and I am gonna kick so much ass, 266 00:12:11,970 --> 00:12:13,504 I might go up a shoe size. 267 00:12:14,706 --> 00:12:16,574 God, I've missed you, Waverly Earp. 268 00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:20,377 Though how do I, an adult woman, 269 00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:22,678 own this many fuzzy garments? 270 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,681 It's only cause I organized it by fabric. 271 00:12:24,683 --> 00:12:27,004 I did faux fur, flirty florals, 272 00:12:27,006 --> 00:12:28,607 feminine flannels... 273 00:12:29,888 --> 00:12:31,388 You saved it all. 274 00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:33,390 So carefully. 275 00:12:33,392 --> 00:12:35,356 Yeah, everything I could, anyway. 276 00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:36,925 A little help here, please! 277 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,596 Geez. Hey, Rachel! 278 00:12:39,598 --> 00:12:41,971 Not like that! 279 00:12:41,973 --> 00:12:44,902 Honestly, it's like this girl has never milked a skunk before. 280 00:12:46,004 --> 00:12:48,690 You're saying all these words like they make sense. 281 00:12:48,692 --> 00:12:51,508 I gotta go save her from herself. 282 00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:53,778 Come back safe, okay? Again. 283 00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,446 And with Wynonna this time. 284 00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,114 I just need your juice! 285 00:12:58,116 --> 00:13:00,318 Okay. 286 00:13:05,123 --> 00:13:06,856 What are you in for? 287 00:13:06,858 --> 00:13:08,786 I splatowed one of my customers. 288 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,422 I thought she was a Medusa. 289 00:13:10,424 --> 00:13:13,192 - 'Cause of how high you were? - No, because she was a Medusa. 290 00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:19,169 If Purgatory's such a hellhole now, why stay? 291 00:13:19,171 --> 00:13:21,772 Wait... How'd you get around the problem of the border? 292 00:13:23,139 --> 00:13:24,573 What problem with the border? 293 00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:26,709 Oh, did I not mention that? 294 00:13:26,711 --> 00:13:28,044 Okay... 295 00:13:28,046 --> 00:13:30,013 After all the demons moth-to-a-flamed 296 00:13:30,015 --> 00:13:32,957 the Ghost River Triangle, some government dickpickles 297 00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:35,218 set up, like, a quarantine around the place. 298 00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,955 Whoa, whoa, whoa, so, people can't get out now? 299 00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,222 Demons can't. Reg peeps can. 300 00:13:39,224 --> 00:13:40,624 Good. 301 00:13:40,626 --> 00:13:42,425 Wait. Not criminals! 302 00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:44,561 There's no way in Herojuana they'll let you out. 303 00:13:44,563 --> 00:13:47,264 This is a Russian doll of suckage. 304 00:13:47,266 --> 00:13:50,290 Inside an arbitrary border, there's a hellmouth, 305 00:13:50,292 --> 00:13:51,896 inside that is a demon bush party, 306 00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,336 inside that is a jail, 307 00:13:53,338 --> 00:13:54,771 and inside that, 308 00:13:54,773 --> 00:13:56,806 I'm at the mercy of a Dukes of Hazzard reject 309 00:13:56,808 --> 00:13:58,675 who wouldn't know justice if it splatowed him 310 00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:00,944 in his butter sculpture face. 311 00:14:00,946 --> 00:14:02,846 Ms. Earp? You have a visitor. 312 00:14:02,848 --> 00:14:04,414 Good. 313 00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:06,082 Give me a heads up next time. 314 00:14:06,084 --> 00:14:07,417 You were in the zone. 315 00:14:07,419 --> 00:14:09,639 My client has the right to a trial. 316 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,254 Your sister will get one. 317 00:14:11,256 --> 00:14:12,985 That's the whole reason I brought her in, 318 00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:14,488 instead of letting the town hang her. 319 00:14:15,294 --> 00:14:17,660 I'm issuing a writ of habeas corpus. 320 00:14:17,662 --> 00:14:18,928 No! 321 00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:20,997 These dickpickles are gonna have to show us a body. 322 00:14:20,999 --> 00:14:23,600 That is literally what habeas corpus means. 323 00:14:23,602 --> 00:14:25,435 You two wanna let me know when you're done slap-fighting 324 00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:26,971 'cause I've got a hell of a backlog. 325 00:14:26,973 --> 00:14:28,274 Oh, you've got a backlog? 326 00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:30,610 Buddy, apparently I haven't pooped in 18 months. 327 00:14:30,612 --> 00:14:32,513 I have a backlog. 328 00:14:33,845 --> 00:14:35,478 Motion to strike that from the record. 329 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:36,946 Motion denied. 330 00:14:36,948 --> 00:14:39,015 Nice of you to join us, Magistrate. 331 00:14:39,017 --> 00:14:41,319 - Mm-hmm. - Magistrate? 332 00:14:42,553 --> 00:14:44,721 The family member here would like to register 333 00:14:44,723 --> 00:14:46,289 a judicial complaint, Your Honor. 334 00:14:46,291 --> 00:14:47,391 Yeah, I don't do those. 335 00:14:47,393 --> 00:14:49,225 I just like the part where I'm all judgy. 336 00:14:49,227 --> 00:14:51,329 It's regarding the Earp case. 337 00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:57,168 That's her? 338 00:14:58,337 --> 00:14:59,836 That? 339 00:14:59,838 --> 00:15:01,471 That can hear you. 340 00:15:01,473 --> 00:15:03,907 Um, we need to manage this one carefully. 341 00:15:03,909 --> 00:15:06,142 There was an incident downtown, and... 342 00:15:06,144 --> 00:15:08,902 - people are watching. - Ooh, fun. 343 00:15:08,904 --> 00:15:11,831 Uh, can we not refer to the attempted execution 344 00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:13,384 of my client as fun? 345 00:15:14,186 --> 00:15:16,286 Can I speak with you for a moment privately? 346 00:15:16,288 --> 00:15:17,822 In my office? 347 00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:21,025 Cute outfit. 348 00:15:24,463 --> 00:15:26,629 Is this our plan? Is this our entire plan? 349 00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:28,031 No, of course not. 350 00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:30,266 Wynonna, we're gonna prove you didn't kill Nedley. 351 00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:31,269 - Yeah. - Yeah. 352 00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:32,672 Doc's all over it. 353 00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:38,508 ♪ Do you wanna go downtown ♪ 354 00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:42,912 Behave, bunnies. 355 00:15:42,914 --> 00:15:44,582 Or don't. 356 00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:49,886 What a dame. 357 00:15:49,888 --> 00:15:52,256 Do you want another Brandy Alexander? 358 00:15:53,058 --> 00:15:55,725 I wish I could offer you something different, 359 00:15:55,727 --> 00:15:59,195 but my supply trucks keep getting eaten by the woods. 360 00:15:59,197 --> 00:16:03,834 And what with this county technically dry these days... 361 00:16:07,439 --> 00:16:09,239 Doc! 362 00:16:09,241 --> 00:16:11,741 What a relief it is to see you. 363 00:16:11,743 --> 00:16:14,412 And a letdown to smell you. 364 00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:17,147 Well, careful now. 365 00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:18,915 You will make your bunnies jealous. 366 00:16:18,917 --> 00:16:20,884 They just love when I serve them up 367 00:16:20,886 --> 00:16:23,353 all that bloodsucker realness. 368 00:16:23,355 --> 00:16:26,222 Who turned you? Was it Kate? 369 00:16:26,224 --> 00:16:29,459 What? I'm not a vamp! 370 00:16:29,461 --> 00:16:30,894 Realness means faking it. 371 00:16:30,896 --> 00:16:32,729 God. Keep up! 372 00:16:32,731 --> 00:16:35,432 Wait, so you are not actually a demon? 373 00:16:35,434 --> 00:16:37,501 I just let them think that I am, 374 00:16:37,503 --> 00:16:39,536 because it's safer that way. 375 00:16:39,538 --> 00:16:42,572 What does that tell you about what this town has become? 376 00:16:42,574 --> 00:16:44,541 Please tell me everyone's okay, Doc. 377 00:16:44,543 --> 00:16:47,110 Waverly is fine. Wynonna is in jail. 378 00:16:47,112 --> 00:16:49,746 Frick. I was worried about that. 379 00:16:49,748 --> 00:16:51,315 What really happened to Nedley? 380 00:16:52,484 --> 00:16:54,617 When Wynonna left him with me, 381 00:16:54,619 --> 00:16:56,419 I tried my best to Meredith Grey 382 00:16:56,421 --> 00:16:58,121 that magnificent old bitch back to health. 383 00:16:58,123 --> 00:17:00,356 But eventually, he did a runner on me. 384 00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:01,424 Why? 385 00:17:01,426 --> 00:17:04,559 He was oozing. And he smelled. 386 00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:07,385 Like a teen boy's feet, coated in blue cheese. 387 00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:09,299 Worse than you! 388 00:17:09,301 --> 00:17:11,000 You paint quite a picture, Portia. 389 00:17:11,002 --> 00:17:13,169 I tried my best. 390 00:17:13,171 --> 00:17:15,038 But this place was getting real. 391 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,340 And after a few days, he just... 392 00:17:17,342 --> 00:17:19,310 he took off into the woods. 393 00:17:20,111 --> 00:17:21,746 Where the monsters are. 394 00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:27,484 You must come and attest to that. 395 00:17:27,486 --> 00:17:29,486 Doc, this isn't the world that you all left. 396 00:17:29,488 --> 00:17:31,621 We must produce Nedley, 397 00:17:31,623 --> 00:17:33,724 either alive or dead, we must find him. 398 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,861 I can tell you where the people-eater is, 399 00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:39,596 it's out at Grizzly Flats. 400 00:17:39,598 --> 00:17:41,698 Maybe you'll find something to show them. 401 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,598 Doc, they say it's claws are like if Wolverine 402 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,034 impregnated a chainsaw. 403 00:17:46,204 --> 00:17:47,738 Thank you, Mercedes. 404 00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:56,012 Oh! 405 00:17:56,014 --> 00:17:57,380 Can we try a jailbreak? 406 00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:59,315 No! They've got a lot of guys working for them, 407 00:17:59,317 --> 00:18:00,750 - whatever they are. - Yeah. 408 00:18:00,752 --> 00:18:02,318 - What if they're all demons? - Exactly, 409 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,320 and I don't have my... 410 00:18:04,322 --> 00:18:06,256 ... shiny thing that makes with the peace. 411 00:18:06,258 --> 00:18:07,924 - Shit. - Ahem! 412 00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:10,027 I have an announcement to make! 413 00:18:10,862 --> 00:18:12,428 So! 414 00:18:14,065 --> 00:18:17,333 You think that our jails 415 00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:19,936 are too crowded, and our courts are too slow? 416 00:18:19,938 --> 00:18:22,672 Think there's nothing to do in this lame-ass town? 417 00:18:22,674 --> 00:18:25,408 Think we need a little bit more junk in our trunks? 418 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,846 - Is she asking me? - And as always, 419 00:18:27,848 --> 00:18:29,582 we aim to please, 420 00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:31,652 and we're here to fix any problem 421 00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:34,050 you guys think you might have. So... 422 00:18:34,052 --> 00:18:37,387 lock up your daughters, and lube up your saucepans! 423 00:18:37,389 --> 00:18:41,224 All of our jailbirds will be competing for one, 424 00:18:41,226 --> 00:18:44,027 yes, one, get-out-of-jail-free card. 425 00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:45,931 - In the first ever... - What? 426 00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:49,032 ... Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off 427 00:18:49,034 --> 00:18:51,435 For Freedom! Yay! 428 00:18:53,171 --> 00:18:56,739 Is... Is this real life? 429 00:18:56,741 --> 00:18:59,310 Might be for you. But I'm dead. 430 00:19:07,782 --> 00:19:10,849 Hope you're ready to stumble! 431 00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:13,752 'Cause this tummy is starting to grumble! 432 00:19:13,754 --> 00:19:15,287 Woo! 433 00:19:15,289 --> 00:19:18,391 She is Grade A, USDA certifiable. 434 00:19:18,393 --> 00:19:19,808 Hey, just be glad you weren't here 435 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:23,245 for the Tops-Off-Dance-Off For Freedom! 436 00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:24,613 Every month or so, 437 00:19:24,615 --> 00:19:27,082 the Magistrate manages to out-whackadoo herself. 438 00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:29,084 I don't get it. What's her endgame? 439 00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:31,753 Ugh, classic bread and circuses, brah. 440 00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:34,155 Keep the populace fed and entertained, 441 00:19:34,157 --> 00:19:36,569 and you can get away with all kinds of devilry. 442 00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:38,976 Yup. Okay, your trash talk is a little all over the place. 443 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,245 Hey, they set people free after these contests. 444 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:42,546 I've seen it. 445 00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:45,016 What if this is the only chance for us to get out? 446 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,318 Wynonna! 447 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,054 Hi. 448 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,256 Haught. 449 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,026 Thanks for getting her home. 450 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,128 I only did it for me. 451 00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,231 Like everything you've ever done. 452 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,734 It's been a while. 453 00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,570 A long while, apparently. 454 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,472 - How you holding up? - Peachy. 455 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,908 Hey. I brought a few things from home. 456 00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,309 Is that against the rules? 457 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:13,644 Uh, I feel like the only rule 458 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,080 is don't tell the Empress she's got no clothes. 459 00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,816 Well she's def got no panties. 460 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,652 What? She jumped up on a desk. I couldn't help it. 461 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:23,887 Is she waxed? 462 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,423 - Fudge! - And that's the first toot 463 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,759 of the Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off For Freedom! 464 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,861 With a lot more toots to follow. 465 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:33,363 Now get cooking, left-swipes! 466 00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:35,933 - Cook! - Do I put the cheese in first? 467 00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,769 - Probably, right? - Oh! 468 00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:39,870 - Okay. - Okay. 469 00:20:39,872 --> 00:20:40,938 - Yup. - Yup. 470 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,440 We're on it. We're on it. 471 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:19,176 Ohh... 472 00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:22,080 Oh, sweet honey-lamb. 473 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,332 Come closer, now. 474 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,169 It is time we met. 475 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,875 Woo! You want a t-shirt?! 476 00:21:51,877 --> 00:21:52,943 You want a t-shirt? 477 00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,179 And you get a t-shirt! Oh! 478 00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,647 In the nads! 479 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,650 Now they're also XXL! 480 00:21:58,652 --> 00:21:59,952 Probably better not to be Sheriff 481 00:21:59,954 --> 00:22:01,421 while she's got her hands on that thing. 482 00:22:01,423 --> 00:22:03,487 Imagine the lawsuits? 483 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,089 I never imagined you giving up the star, 484 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:07,858 power-hungry fiend that you are. 485 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,760 I didn't give up. Cleo showed up, 486 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,862 reincorporated the town, made herself magistrate, 487 00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:14,565 - and elected her own Sheriff. - So nobody stopped her? 488 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:17,434 Who had time for politics? I had Rachel, and the homestead, 489 00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:19,437 and people to look for. 490 00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,073 And I did look. Hard. 491 00:22:21,075 --> 00:22:22,509 Where'd you look? Up Bunny Loblaw's... 492 00:22:22,511 --> 00:22:24,178 Don't come at me about it, okay, Wynonna? 493 00:22:24,180 --> 00:22:26,410 I know I let everybody down. 494 00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:28,045 Nicole, I would never say... 495 00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:30,447 Are you two chatting? I need those onions, stat! 496 00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:32,382 Yes, chef! Coming. 497 00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:35,051 Okay. Now, for the pressed seitan. 498 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,554 What?! Who's President Satan? 499 00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,224 No. Seitan. As in vital wheat gluten. 500 00:22:40,226 --> 00:22:41,725 It's the secret to a hearty vegan chili. 501 00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:43,493 We're making vegan chili?! 502 00:22:43,495 --> 00:22:46,130 Baby, how's she supposed to win anything with vegan chili?! 503 00:22:48,534 --> 00:22:51,668 Not today, Satan! 504 00:22:51,670 --> 00:22:52,769 Afternoon, Ms. Haught. 505 00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,938 Sheriff Clayborn. 506 00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:56,540 Makes a change to see you back in town. 507 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,409 I hope that means there's no hard feelings. 508 00:22:59,411 --> 00:23:01,112 About the election. 509 00:23:01,114 --> 00:23:03,480 I didn't have as much time to campaign. 510 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,949 Or your other rumored advantages. 511 00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:08,452 Nice you can afford a break now, though. 512 00:23:08,454 --> 00:23:09,687 I mean, that is, 513 00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:11,709 if you feel the homestead is safe with a... 514 00:23:11,711 --> 00:23:13,512 teenage girl on the case. 515 00:23:14,927 --> 00:23:16,728 Good luck with the chili. 516 00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:26,770 Aw, you have your little worry wrinkle. 517 00:23:26,772 --> 00:23:29,406 There are things, Waverly. Every night, in those traps. 518 00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,608 The monster really wants inside. 519 00:23:31,610 --> 00:23:33,144 You're worried about Rachel. 520 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,146 Why don't you go home? 521 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,614 You sure you don't mind? 522 00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:38,916 No. 523 00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:49,826 I'll give you 20 bucks for half your bacon. 524 00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:52,663 You don't have 20 bucks. 525 00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:54,299 Wynonna! 526 00:23:57,970 --> 00:23:59,737 For Randy Nedley. 527 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,557 Rachel?! 528 00:24:20,559 --> 00:24:23,794 - Valdez?! - Nicole! I'm okay! 529 00:24:23,796 --> 00:24:25,829 Okay. You're okay? 530 00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:27,531 Don't make it more painful by mommying me. 531 00:24:27,533 --> 00:24:28,965 What happened? 532 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:30,867 I'm out re-baiting trap seven, by the poplars, 533 00:24:30,869 --> 00:24:33,804 and you scared away the skunks earlier, so I used kombucha. 534 00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,539 What? It kills all kinds of things, 535 00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,774 you know, like intestinal parasites, and... 536 00:24:37,776 --> 00:24:39,176 Ow, ow! 537 00:24:39,178 --> 00:24:40,944 So I'm filling up the trap, 538 00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,313 and it runs in, you know, the big, crusty one. 539 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:45,882 But then, you know that old-timey cowboy dude? 540 00:24:45,884 --> 00:24:47,117 Daddy Blue Eyes? 541 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,553 - Doc. - Yeah! 542 00:24:48,555 --> 00:24:50,189 He's on the hill, and he's yelling at it 543 00:24:50,191 --> 00:24:51,625 to come get him instead. 544 00:24:51,627 --> 00:24:54,024 - Did he kill it? - No, but he shot it. 545 00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:56,497 Okay. You are coming inside. 546 00:24:56,499 --> 00:24:58,362 And that is my mommy voice. 547 00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:02,632 Oh, my God. It's edible. Try it! 548 00:25:02,634 --> 00:25:04,468 You threw stolen beef and a can of anchovies 549 00:25:04,470 --> 00:25:06,336 into my vegan masterpiece! 550 00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:07,571 Ahh! 551 00:25:07,573 --> 00:25:09,005 Damn. 552 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,174 I'm gonna shove that thing up her canned anchovies. 553 00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:13,944 Criminal, take it. 554 00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:15,380 And this. 555 00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,181 Criminal chiliheads! 556 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,585 As you all know, I excel at having opinions. 557 00:25:21,587 --> 00:25:23,553 And I was going to decide today's winner 558 00:25:23,555 --> 00:25:25,021 all by my lonesome, 559 00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,590 but a little voice in my head was like, 560 00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:28,859 don't be such a greedy skank's toilet, Cleo! 561 00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:30,060 - Cleo? - Toilet? 562 00:25:30,062 --> 00:25:32,963 So I asked the second... 563 00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:35,232 prettiest girl in all of Purgatory 564 00:25:35,234 --> 00:25:36,401 to come help me out. 565 00:25:36,403 --> 00:25:39,770 So slap your bits together for your Miss Kidney Bean: 566 00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:41,571 Chrissy Nedley! 567 00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:52,349 Oh... You weren't kidding. 568 00:25:52,351 --> 00:25:55,352 She really does think you killed her dad. 569 00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:58,188 Yeah, I don't think you're gonna win. 570 00:25:58,190 --> 00:26:00,670 I'm gonna turn out the lights in case it's attracted to them. 571 00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:05,595 It's here. 572 00:26:08,434 --> 00:26:11,134 Nicole! Let me in! Let me in! 573 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:13,970 It's Dr. Mustache, we have to save him! 574 00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:15,773 I'm going out front! 575 00:26:16,809 --> 00:26:18,642 It's gonna break the glass! 576 00:26:18,644 --> 00:26:19,810 Open up! 577 00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:21,645 Nicole, you have to let him in! 578 00:26:21,647 --> 00:26:23,413 Nicole! 579 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,784 Nicole! 580 00:26:27,008 --> 00:26:28,508 Wake up! 581 00:26:30,845 --> 00:26:33,213 Please! 582 00:26:35,262 --> 00:26:36,829 That felt like it took forever. 583 00:26:36,831 --> 00:26:38,932 - Yeah, I bet. - Move! 584 00:26:48,609 --> 00:26:51,543 You carried a bottle the whole time you were running? 585 00:26:51,545 --> 00:26:53,513 - You are goals. - No, he is not goals, 586 00:26:53,515 --> 00:26:55,916 - he needs water. - Or maybe he needs... 587 00:26:55,918 --> 00:26:57,919 Don't say kombucha. 588 00:26:57,921 --> 00:26:59,818 Thanks for distracting the crusty booger beast. 589 00:26:59,820 --> 00:27:02,120 - Right, Haught? - Yeah. Thanks, Doc. 590 00:27:02,122 --> 00:27:04,056 Do not let me set here for more than ten minutes. 591 00:27:04,058 --> 00:27:06,091 I am fixing to return to the woods. 592 00:27:06,093 --> 00:27:07,659 - For what? - To complete the job. 593 00:27:07,661 --> 00:27:10,429 - That is a host animal. - For the little puffballs! 594 00:27:10,431 --> 00:27:12,264 I saw it leaking from the wound. 595 00:27:12,266 --> 00:27:14,766 I believe it has slowed a little. 596 00:27:14,768 --> 00:27:16,569 Then it's time we strike back. 597 00:27:17,872 --> 00:27:20,372 It might be okay. 598 00:27:20,374 --> 00:27:22,007 - I'll never get used to that. - So... 599 00:27:22,009 --> 00:27:24,210 Clearly some of you didn't want it bad enough. 600 00:27:24,212 --> 00:27:25,646 Seriously, four of those chilis 601 00:27:25,648 --> 00:27:27,326 was just hot diarrhea with beans. 602 00:27:27,328 --> 00:27:28,794 - Certainly mine. - Ew. 603 00:27:28,796 --> 00:27:31,197 So, thank you for attending 604 00:27:31,199 --> 00:27:33,966 the first Randy Nedley Memorial Chili Cook-off. 605 00:27:33,968 --> 00:27:35,602 If you leave off the "For Freedom", so help me, 606 00:27:35,604 --> 00:27:37,903 I will treat you to an actual bowl of hot diarrhea. 607 00:27:37,905 --> 00:27:39,538 For Freedom! 608 00:27:39,540 --> 00:27:42,541 My father had a complicated relationship with this cook-off. 609 00:27:42,543 --> 00:27:44,805 If he were here today, he would say... 610 00:27:44,807 --> 00:27:46,880 God, no one cares, Pissy, who won?! 611 00:27:48,149 --> 00:27:50,449 And today's winner of our get out-of-jail-free card 612 00:27:50,451 --> 00:27:51,684 goes to... 613 00:27:51,686 --> 00:27:53,219 Please, please, please, please. 614 00:27:53,221 --> 00:27:55,488 Wynonna Earp! 615 00:27:55,490 --> 00:27:57,557 What? 616 00:28:02,997 --> 00:28:06,699 Winner, winner, chili dinner! I win! 617 00:28:06,701 --> 00:28:08,802 - Glad it was you, Cell-y! - Listen, you can have the rest 618 00:28:08,804 --> 00:28:10,505 - of my chili if you want. - Ah, I'm good. 619 00:28:11,839 --> 00:28:13,539 What? 620 00:28:13,541 --> 00:28:14,641 Ah... 621 00:28:16,043 --> 00:28:18,277 - No way, right? - Okay! 622 00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:20,112 Bye! 623 00:28:20,114 --> 00:28:23,349 Pound it. No? No? 624 00:28:23,351 --> 00:28:26,252 It tastes like peppermint butt. 625 00:28:26,254 --> 00:28:27,586 - Hey, hey! - So why? 626 00:28:27,588 --> 00:28:29,790 Unhand your Chili Queen! 627 00:28:31,626 --> 00:28:33,393 That's why. 628 00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:37,696 Where are those keys? 629 00:28:37,698 --> 00:28:39,460 To my new car? 630 00:28:39,462 --> 00:28:41,534 Wow, this contest has everything! 631 00:28:41,536 --> 00:28:44,203 Holt, or Sheriff Clayborn, 632 00:28:44,205 --> 00:28:46,071 doesn't like it when I drive department vehicles, 633 00:28:46,073 --> 00:28:48,340 but he can have a big old gag of my gavel. 634 00:28:48,342 --> 00:28:50,776 Did you forget the "freedom" part? 635 00:28:50,778 --> 00:28:52,545 Yeah, not 'til you get to the border. 636 00:28:52,547 --> 00:28:53,632 I'm not leaving town. 637 00:28:53,634 --> 00:28:55,210 Don't worry, I can get you out. I know people. 638 00:28:55,212 --> 00:28:56,782 No, I mean, I won't. 639 00:28:56,784 --> 00:28:58,417 Do you know how many Purgatorians 640 00:28:58,419 --> 00:29:00,453 would have murdered for this prize? 641 00:29:00,455 --> 00:29:02,621 Oh, weird... 642 00:29:02,623 --> 00:29:04,724 I just realized that that's exactly what you did! 643 00:29:07,428 --> 00:29:09,462 You acted like you knew who I was. 644 00:29:09,464 --> 00:29:11,230 When we first met. 645 00:29:11,232 --> 00:29:12,566 But you're not a Revenant. 646 00:29:13,935 --> 00:29:16,470 And if you were really powerful, you'd just kill me. 647 00:29:19,607 --> 00:29:20,974 Yay! 648 00:29:21,776 --> 00:29:23,043 Keys! 649 00:29:23,045 --> 00:29:24,512 I wish I knew what we were up against, 650 00:29:24,514 --> 00:29:26,812 so we could prep a silver bullet or a wooden stake. 651 00:29:26,814 --> 00:29:28,848 - Sorry, Doc. - Understood. 652 00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:30,816 Okay, don't yell at me, but... 653 00:29:30,818 --> 00:29:33,185 the creature did make a Chewbacca howl 654 00:29:33,187 --> 00:29:34,720 when it stepped in the puddle of kombucha. 655 00:29:34,722 --> 00:29:36,622 For the last time, home brewed mold juice 656 00:29:36,624 --> 00:29:38,025 will not defeat pure evil. 657 00:29:38,027 --> 00:29:39,825 It smelled like pure evil. 658 00:29:39,827 --> 00:29:42,995 When it was leaking? Like blue cheese and boy feet. 659 00:29:42,997 --> 00:29:45,097 Did you hear someone say that? 660 00:29:45,099 --> 00:29:47,633 It dealt it. I simply smelt it. 661 00:29:47,635 --> 00:29:50,436 Look, I am not suggesting we refrain from hunting it... 662 00:29:50,438 --> 00:29:51,572 Like hell I would. 663 00:29:51,574 --> 00:29:53,973 ... but I looked into its eyes and I'm remain unconvinced 664 00:29:53,975 --> 00:29:55,407 it is our enemy. 665 00:29:55,409 --> 00:29:57,397 This thing wants to take Waverly's home, 666 00:29:57,399 --> 00:30:00,279 and our ability to think of anything else. 667 00:30:00,281 --> 00:30:01,914 I found this in the trap, 668 00:30:01,916 --> 00:30:03,415 last year when you guys were... 669 00:30:03,417 --> 00:30:04,751 Gone for too long. 670 00:30:05,953 --> 00:30:07,421 At first I thought it was irrelevant, 671 00:30:07,423 --> 00:30:09,488 but then I figured it out. 672 00:30:09,490 --> 00:30:11,190 It's a Hawaiian shirt, Doc. 673 00:30:11,192 --> 00:30:13,527 It's... It's Nedley's shirt. 674 00:30:14,962 --> 00:30:16,595 That thing killed him, 675 00:30:16,597 --> 00:30:18,565 and now we need to kill it. 676 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,500 The ballpuffers are parasites, 677 00:30:21,502 --> 00:30:23,669 and they took over something. 678 00:30:23,671 --> 00:30:25,505 Someone. 679 00:30:26,374 --> 00:30:29,808 Someone that always comes back to you, Nicole. 680 00:30:29,810 --> 00:30:31,043 No. 681 00:30:31,045 --> 00:30:33,712 What if the ogre didn't eat Nedley? 682 00:30:33,714 --> 00:30:36,148 - What if the ogre... - ... is Nedley? 683 00:30:40,254 --> 00:30:42,087 People will find out... 684 00:30:42,089 --> 00:30:45,424 about the contest, about you not keeping your word. 685 00:30:45,426 --> 00:30:47,928 One, how are they gonna find out? 686 00:30:48,729 --> 00:30:52,064 And two, what does an Earp know about keeping their word, huh? 687 00:30:52,066 --> 00:30:53,999 That is priceless. 688 00:30:54,001 --> 00:30:55,467 You are hilare. 689 00:30:55,469 --> 00:30:56,903 So this is personal. 690 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:07,646 No. 691 00:31:07,648 --> 00:31:09,081 See this... 692 00:31:09,083 --> 00:31:12,486 This is hereditary, daughter of Earps. 693 00:31:15,756 --> 00:31:17,990 Besides, we have to keep 694 00:31:17,992 --> 00:31:20,259 feeding something to this monster, 695 00:31:20,261 --> 00:31:22,928 whatever it is, to keep it out of town. 696 00:31:22,930 --> 00:31:24,563 See, Sheriff Holt and I? 697 00:31:24,565 --> 00:31:26,599 We know what it takes 698 00:31:26,601 --> 00:31:29,468 to get dirty jobs done. 699 00:31:29,470 --> 00:31:31,671 And if that dirty job... 700 00:31:33,407 --> 00:31:35,475 happens to be you? 701 00:31:36,811 --> 00:31:38,611 Bonus. 702 00:31:38,613 --> 00:31:40,747 - Now scream. - Argh! 703 00:31:41,816 --> 00:31:43,782 Eat my vegan seitan. 704 00:31:43,784 --> 00:31:46,118 See, they lied. 705 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,487 You're not even fun. 706 00:31:52,059 --> 00:31:53,959 Beastie boy! 707 00:31:53,961 --> 00:31:55,962 Come and get it! 708 00:31:59,533 --> 00:32:00,766 Where are you going? 709 00:32:00,768 --> 00:32:02,868 Oh, to sit in my car. 710 00:32:02,870 --> 00:32:04,637 Take a few pics! 711 00:32:04,639 --> 00:32:07,740 Maybe buff my muff, if the mood strikes. 712 00:32:07,742 --> 00:32:09,142 You are so weird. 713 00:32:12,413 --> 00:32:13,946 Previews are over. 714 00:32:13,948 --> 00:32:15,781 Looks like the creature feature is starting. 715 00:32:15,783 --> 00:32:17,583 Get away from her, skank toilet! 716 00:32:17,585 --> 00:32:18,652 Ahh! 717 00:32:18,654 --> 00:32:20,552 For the record, I don't believe in skank shaming, 718 00:32:20,554 --> 00:32:21,788 but you said it first. 719 00:32:24,291 --> 00:32:26,191 Sis, you okay? 720 00:32:26,193 --> 00:32:27,793 We need a knife or scissors. 721 00:32:27,795 --> 00:32:30,429 I have... teeth? 722 00:32:30,431 --> 00:32:32,332 Ugh! She's got a weapon! 723 00:32:33,267 --> 00:32:35,034 Friggin' skanks always do. 724 00:32:35,036 --> 00:32:36,702 Wait, I gotta stop saying that. 725 00:32:36,704 --> 00:32:38,538 Okay, stay there! 726 00:32:43,678 --> 00:32:46,111 No, no, no! 727 00:32:59,827 --> 00:33:01,227 Waverly! 728 00:33:03,297 --> 00:33:04,798 Waverly! 729 00:33:05,966 --> 00:33:07,734 - Hold your fire! - It's Nedley! 730 00:33:10,638 --> 00:33:12,037 Doc, flank him on the back! 731 00:33:12,039 --> 00:33:14,207 Waverly, find your position! 732 00:34:09,597 --> 00:34:11,196 Idiots. 733 00:34:26,580 --> 00:34:27,881 Wynonna? 734 00:34:28,716 --> 00:34:29,982 What did I do? 735 00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:32,217 You survived, Nedley. 736 00:34:32,219 --> 00:34:33,452 That's what you did. 737 00:34:33,454 --> 00:34:35,021 You made it home. 738 00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:39,093 Fuck yeah. 739 00:34:44,605 --> 00:34:47,308 Nedley, I'm not coming any closer 740 00:34:47,310 --> 00:34:48,510 until you put this on. 741 00:34:50,471 --> 00:34:52,170 There's been enough crime today. 742 00:34:54,007 --> 00:34:55,441 Hey. 743 00:34:57,894 --> 00:35:00,695 - Nicole, what's going on? - I... 744 00:35:00,697 --> 00:35:03,132 You were not in possession of your own faculties. 745 00:35:05,702 --> 00:35:07,368 Why do I taste skunk? 746 00:35:07,370 --> 00:35:08,871 That may be me. 747 00:35:10,473 --> 00:35:12,641 That's some intense, brother. 748 00:35:29,081 --> 00:35:30,214 - Dad. - Chrissy! 749 00:35:30,216 --> 00:35:32,050 Oh, my God. Dad! 750 00:35:32,952 --> 00:35:35,987 Shh, shh. 751 00:35:39,959 --> 00:35:41,693 They told me you were dead. 752 00:35:42,528 --> 00:35:45,764 This stubborn mule? Not yet. 753 00:35:47,233 --> 00:35:50,033 Where were you? What happened? 754 00:35:50,035 --> 00:35:51,368 I really don't remember. 755 00:35:51,370 --> 00:35:54,505 - Ah, might be for the best. - Might be? 756 00:35:54,507 --> 00:35:56,888 Look, um, we think he'll be fine. 757 00:35:56,890 --> 00:35:59,659 But just for fun, maybe keep him away from small game. 758 00:36:02,982 --> 00:36:05,149 Wynonna. I don't even know what to say. 759 00:36:05,151 --> 00:36:06,351 I know. 760 00:36:07,153 --> 00:36:09,353 It's just, since the evacuation, I... 761 00:36:09,355 --> 00:36:11,990 this place... it got to me and I... 762 00:36:11,992 --> 00:36:14,326 Needed us and got hurt when we weren't here? 763 00:36:16,362 --> 00:36:18,730 - Yeah. - It won't happen again. 764 00:36:21,834 --> 00:36:23,268 Hey, you. 765 00:36:27,206 --> 00:36:29,073 It's good to have you back. 766 00:36:39,051 --> 00:36:40,051 Nicole. 767 00:36:41,754 --> 00:36:43,187 You should get Chrissy out of here. 768 00:36:43,189 --> 00:36:44,722 While you still can. 769 00:36:56,368 --> 00:36:58,235 You did the chili cook-off without me? 770 00:36:58,237 --> 00:37:01,472 Dad... 771 00:37:06,679 --> 00:37:09,714 Here I thought all my flirting was getting me nowhere. 772 00:37:10,616 --> 00:37:12,716 There is more where that came from. 773 00:37:12,718 --> 00:37:16,453 That would get my slacks off in a snap. 774 00:37:16,455 --> 00:37:18,889 'Cause that would be a challenge. 775 00:37:18,891 --> 00:37:21,291 I paid for that truck, and its contents, 776 00:37:21,293 --> 00:37:22,726 and I'll be french-fried 777 00:37:22,728 --> 00:37:25,128 if you're going to sell my own property back to me. 778 00:37:25,130 --> 00:37:28,514 Except I know where it is and you do not. 779 00:37:28,516 --> 00:37:30,767 But I suppose I could sell said contents 780 00:37:30,769 --> 00:37:32,436 to the human bar in town... 781 00:37:32,438 --> 00:37:34,939 Let's not get off on the wrong foot. 782 00:37:36,308 --> 00:37:38,809 I also suggest that you acquire 783 00:37:38,811 --> 00:37:41,979 protection for your next order and that would be, 784 00:37:41,981 --> 00:37:44,014 well, yours truly. 785 00:37:44,016 --> 00:37:46,350 An experienced hand with local knowledge, 786 00:37:46,352 --> 00:37:50,988 who can then safely convey said truck right to your... 787 00:37:50,990 --> 00:37:52,690 back door. 788 00:37:53,626 --> 00:37:55,860 What would you require in return? 789 00:37:56,996 --> 00:38:00,131 Something to quench that vampiric appetite? 790 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:02,966 When was the last time you fed? 791 00:38:02,968 --> 00:38:05,035 My hunger... 792 00:38:05,037 --> 00:38:06,503 is none of your concern. 793 00:38:06,505 --> 00:38:10,007 What I require is something more... tangible. 794 00:38:10,009 --> 00:38:11,676 A future favor. 795 00:38:12,511 --> 00:38:14,745 And two thousand a load. 796 00:38:14,747 --> 00:38:17,247 That's highway robbery. 797 00:38:17,249 --> 00:38:19,416 Precisely. And at a reasonable cost. 798 00:38:19,418 --> 00:38:22,986 But I assure you, I am the best. 799 00:38:22,988 --> 00:38:24,455 Mm-hmm... 800 00:38:32,965 --> 00:38:34,464 You smell like heaven. 801 00:38:34,466 --> 00:38:35,833 I know. 802 00:38:44,710 --> 00:38:49,614 ♪ If you could love me completely ♪ 803 00:38:52,551 --> 00:38:56,721 ♪ If you could show me a sign ♪ 804 00:38:59,825 --> 00:39:03,360 Having trouble remembering where you like these lips. 805 00:39:03,362 --> 00:39:05,597 You seem to be figuring it out. 806 00:39:07,484 --> 00:39:10,152 You know, the garden tried to fool me. 807 00:39:11,070 --> 00:39:13,170 With a fake you. 808 00:39:13,172 --> 00:39:14,805 You didn't... 809 00:39:14,807 --> 00:39:17,574 No. Not even close. 810 00:39:17,576 --> 00:39:20,044 But I would've known in a second. 811 00:39:21,180 --> 00:39:22,914 I know every curve... 812 00:39:24,750 --> 00:39:26,551 every sigh... 813 00:39:27,653 --> 00:39:29,554 every taste... 814 00:39:34,426 --> 00:39:38,161 Wynonna, her midnight snack, and the pantry door. 815 00:39:38,163 --> 00:39:40,598 She never met a thing she couldn't slam. 816 00:39:42,468 --> 00:39:44,669 Yeah. I guess I'd forgotten. 817 00:39:46,038 --> 00:39:47,938 I love you, Nicole Haught. 818 00:39:47,940 --> 00:39:51,142 And I can't wait for the rest of our lives to unfold. 819 00:39:56,487 --> 00:39:58,588 Can you tell me about your year and a half? 820 00:40:00,586 --> 00:40:03,320 I'm sorry, I'm just... distracted. 821 00:40:03,322 --> 00:40:05,055 I gotta go check those traps. 822 00:40:05,057 --> 00:40:06,423 Oh. 823 00:40:06,425 --> 00:40:08,959 Yeah. Okay. Uh... 824 00:40:08,961 --> 00:40:10,528 Can I come with you? 825 00:40:11,864 --> 00:40:13,397 Always. 826 00:40:26,245 --> 00:40:29,546 - Expected date of return? - Never. 827 00:40:29,548 --> 00:40:32,282 My Dad's birthday is in August. Might surprise him. 828 00:40:32,284 --> 00:40:34,118 I have to get my supervisor. 829 00:40:44,997 --> 00:40:46,664 You're cleared to go. 830 00:40:49,168 --> 00:40:50,902 They're back. 831 00:41:05,308 --> 00:41:08,888 I'll move out to the barn, now that everyone's back. 832 00:41:08,890 --> 00:41:11,357 - Which is good. - Take the bed. 833 00:41:11,359 --> 00:41:13,126 You've earned it, kid. 834 00:41:13,128 --> 00:41:14,428 Besides... 835 00:41:15,864 --> 00:41:17,698 I'm better in the cold. 836 00:41:18,967 --> 00:41:21,834 Okay, Jon Snow in a B cup. 837 00:41:21,836 --> 00:41:23,771 And I'm not a kid, Wynonna. 838 00:41:26,374 --> 00:41:28,242 Why'd you leave Monument? 839 00:41:29,344 --> 00:41:31,946 When you're a person who's gone through some stuff, 840 00:41:31,948 --> 00:41:34,049 and you see somebody else, who's a good person, 841 00:41:34,051 --> 00:41:35,685 also going through some stuff... 842 00:41:37,318 --> 00:41:38,786 How bad is Nicole? 843 00:41:39,921 --> 00:41:43,023 She was alone for a really long time. 844 00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:47,646 Well, thanks for taking care of my friend, 845 00:41:47,648 --> 00:41:49,915 Rachel Valdez. 846 00:41:49,917 --> 00:41:52,851 Thank you for noticing, Wynonna Earp. 847 00:41:52,853 --> 00:41:54,787 Oh, the Earp heir. 848 00:42:01,528 --> 00:42:03,528 Listen. My bed, yeah. 849 00:42:03,530 --> 00:42:05,730 My leather pants, no. 850 00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:07,399 Pfft, please. 851 00:42:07,401 --> 00:42:09,881 I wouldn't be seen wearing these in front of the skunks I milk. 852 00:42:12,339 --> 00:42:14,607 Your fringed leather jacket, though... 853 00:42:16,228 --> 00:42:18,429 Don't push your luck, Smalldez. 854 00:42:19,713 --> 00:42:22,014 - Good night. - Good night, Wynonna. 855 00:42:30,190 --> 00:42:33,091 - Hello, chaps! - Hands up. 856 00:42:33,093 --> 00:42:35,761 Like I said: so good to be home. 857 00:43:06,382 --> 00:43:09,412 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 59650

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