Original subtitles

>> Announcer: TONIGHT ON "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS."

JASON SUDEIKIS ‐ FROM PBS'S "WASHINGTON WEEK,"

JOURNALIST ROBERT COSTA ‐‐ AN ALL NEW "CLOSER LOOK.

FEATURING THE 8G BAND WITH THOMAS LANG. AND NOW SETH MEYERS.

NIGHT. HOW'S EVERYBODY DOING?

ARE YOU WONDERING IF YOU SHOULD START MAILING CHRISTMAS CARDS

NOW SO THEY ARRIVE IN DECEMBER ME TOO

LET'S GET TO THE NEWS. FORMER FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA

SPOKE TONIGHT AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.

YOU PUT HER ON THE FIRST NIGHT IT'S LIKE STARTING COACHELLA

WITH BEYONCE YOU WANT EVERYONE TO STICK

AROUND FOR THE REST, RIGHT SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS ALSO

SPOKE TONIGHT AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION ‐‐

ASSUMING HE REMEMBERED HIS WI‐FI PASSWORD

"IT'S THE ONE THAT CAME WITH THE ROUTER

LOOK UP WHERE ‐‐ THE ONE THAT CAME WITH THE RO ‐‐"

THAT'S WHAT BERNIE'S I. T. GUY IS, OVER THERE

PRESIDENT TRUMP SPOKE AT A COPS FOR TRUMP EVENT OVER THE WEEKEND

AT HIS PRIVATE NEW JERSEY GOLF CLUB

IT WAS THE FIRST EVER CAMPAIGN SPEECH TO START WITH, "DO YOU

HAVE A WARRANT COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE A

WARRANT. OH, YOU'RE HERE TO SUPPORT ME?

ALL RIGHT, WELL THEN YOU CAN STAY."

PRESIDENT TRUMP OVER THE WEEKEND DEFENDED POSTMASTER GENERAL

LOUIS DeJOY AND SAID HE WAS A FANTASTIC MAN WHO QUOTE, "WANTS

TO MAKE THE POST OFFICE GREAT AGAIN.

THEN HE UNVEILED THE NEW 2020 MAILBOXES.

TOP DEMOCRATS HAVE CALLED ON POSTMASTER GENERAL LOUIS DeJOY

TO RESIGN OVER HIS PLAN TO CUT OPERATIONS AND MAKE MAIL

DELIVERY LESS RELIABLE THAT'S RIGHT

WHEN IT COMES TO THE MAIL, DON'T MESS WITH THE OLD PEOPLE

THEY LOVE MAIL THAT'S WHY CHUCK SCHUMER KEEPS

HIS GLASSES IN THE OPENING BILLS POSITION AT ALL TIMES.

"HONEY, DID WE WATCH BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY LAST MONTH?

DID YOU KNOW THAT SET US BACK $3.99?

TOP DEMOCRATS HAVE CALLED ON POSTMASTER GENERAL LOUIS DeJOY

TO RESIGN OVER HIS PLAN TO CUT OPERATIONS AND MAKE MAIL

DELIVERY LESS RELIABLE, BUT DeJOY GOT THE LAST LAUGH BECAUSE

HE PUT HIS LETTER OF RESIGNATION IN THE MAIL.

THAT'S A STUPID JOKE IT'S LIKE AN O. HENRY STORY OR A

"TWILIGHT ZONE." I DON'T KNOW

YOU CHOOSE EITHER WAY, THE JOKE WAS DUMB.

PRESIDENT TRUMP'S SON‐IN‐LAW AND WHITE HOUSE ADVISER

JARED KUSHNER SAID YESTERDAY THAT HE HAS NO FEAR ABOUT

SENDING HIS CHILDREN BACK TO SCHOOL AMID THE CORONAVIRUS

PANDEMIC AND THAT, QUOTE, "CHILDREN HAVE A SIX TIME HIGHER

CHANCE TO DIE FROM THE FLU." HE THEN ADDED, "BESIDES, DYING

ISN'T SO BAD I DIED 100 YEARS AGO, ON THIS

VERY NIGHT." PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS REPORTEDLY

TOLD AIDES THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO MEET WITH RUSSIAN PRESIDENT

VLADIMIR PUTIN IN PERSON BEFORE THE NOVEMBER ELECTION.

AH, SO THE RUMORS ARE TRUE HE IS REPLACING PENCE.

AFTER IT WAS ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK THAT ISRAEL AND THE UNITED ARAB

EMIRATES REACHED A DEAL TO NORMALIZE DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS,

A BLOCK ON CALLS BETWEEN THE TWO NATIONS WAS REMOVED, AND THE

FIRST PHONE CALLS SINCE 1971 WERE MADE

BUT THEIR VOICE MAIL GREETING WAS, "HELLO.

THIS IS ISRAEL HELLO?

HAHA, JUST KIDDING, LEAVE A MESSAGE.

AND NOW THEY'RE FIGHTING AGAIN A MAN WHO WAS IN A FACEBOOK

GROUP CALLED "LOADED GUNS POINTED AT PENIS" THAT FEATURES

MEN POINTING LOADED GUNS AT THEIR GENITALS WAS HOSPITALIZED

RECENTLY, BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

HE SHOT HIMSELF IN THE PENIS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

LOOK I DON'T ‐ IT'S JUST DUMB

IT'S OUR LAST WEEK IN THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS, SO WE'RE

GONNA JUST ‐ WE'RE HAVING SOME FUN.

DISNEY WORLD ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK IT WILL OPEN A STATE RUN

DRIVE‐THROUGH CORONAVIRUS TESTING SITE FOR EMPLOYEES,

WHICH IS GOOD NEWS FOR EMPLOYEES WHO MAY HAVE ENGAGED IN RISKY

BEHAVIOR A WOMAN IN ALASKA GAVE BIRTH

MID‐FLIGHT LAST WEEK WHILE FLYING TO THE HOSPITAL AND NAMED

HER SON SKY. "NO FAIR, THAT'S WAY COOLER THAN

MY STORY, SAID HIS OLDER BROTHER, ARBY.

AND FINALLY, MOVIE THEATRE CHAIN AMC ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK THEY

WILL SELL TICKETS ON AUGUST 20th FOR 15 CENTS AS A REOPENING

PROMOTION CALLED "MOVIES IN 2020 AT 1920 PRICES."

NOT TO MENTION, 1918 SYMPTOMS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M LAUGHING

SON OF A GUN THAT WAS THE MONOLOGUE

HELLO EVERYONE, AND WELCOME BACK TO THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS.

AFTER TODAY, WE SADLY HAVE JUST THREE SHOWS REMAINING BEFORE

RETURNING TO THE STUDIO AND YET, SO MANY PLOT LINES WE HAVEN'T

GOTTEN TO. FOR EXAMPLE, THERE IS THAT B

PLOT WITH THE GIANT GHOST LOBSTER WE PROMISED YOU.

>> MY AGENT TOLD ME THIS WOULD BE A MULTI‐EPISODE ARC

>> Seth: WE WERE GOING TO HAVE AN INTERVENTION FOR STEVE, THE

FISH, WHO PROBABLY HAS A DRUG PROBLEM.

>> MY ONLY PROBLEM IS I LIKE TO PARTY.

>> Seth: AND IRA, THE PROSPECT PARK DUCK, REQUESTED WE DO A

FULL "CLOSER LOOK" ABOUT WATER FOWL EDUCATION

>> WELL, BECAUSE WE HAVE NINE DUCKLINGS AND WE NEED TO KNOW

WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH SCHOOL IN THE FALL, YOU KNOW

LIKE, IS IT REMOTE IS IT A COMBO?

HEY SETH, DO YOU KNOW WHAT DUCKS USE INSTEAD OF iPADS

>> Seth: WHAT'S THAT, IRA? >> LILY PADS

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> OH BOY.

>> OH, OKAY, SO IRA CAN'T MAKE JOKES.

GOOD TO KNOW, VERY HELPFUL >> Seth: ALSO, OUR BELOVED SEA

CAPTAIN IS CELEBRATING THE RESULTS OF LAST WEEK'S POLL

WHERE WE ASKED, "DO YOU ENJOY THE SEA CAPTAIN DURING THIS

DIFFICULT TIME?" AND "YES, HE'S A NICE ADDITION"

BEAT "NO, I HATE FUN" IN A LANDSLIDE.

NOW, THIS TIME THERE WAS NOT A THIRD OPTION CALLED "OTHER" BUT

A LOT OF YOU HAVE ASKED WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF THERE HAD

BEEN AND IF IN THAT SCENARIO, OTHER HAD WON?

WELL, IN THAT CASE, WE WOULD HAVE INTRODUCED A NEW CHARACTER,

THE SEXY MERMAID WITH THE UNSEXY VOICE.

>> WELL, HELLO THERE >> VERY PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

>> HI, HOT STUFF >> ANY YOU FELLAS WANT TO TAKE A

DIP? >> UH ‐‐

>> NO, THANK YOU >> I'M OKAY.

DON'T LOVE THE WATER >> Seth: AND SPEAKING OF

BUMMERS? >> LAZY SEGUE.

>> Seth: PRESIDENT TRUMP AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY ARE IN LOCKSTEP

BEHIND A PLAN TO DISMANTLE THE POST OFFICE THAT IS BOTH AN

ASSAULT ON DEMOCRACY AND THE CULMINATION OF A DECADES‐LONG

MOVEMENT TO PRIVATIZE ONE OF THE COUNTRY'S MOST CHERISHED PUBLIC

INSTITUTIONS FOR MORE ON THIS, IT'S TIME FOR A "CLOSER LOOK."

>> Seth: HOUSE DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT THEY'LL

BE RETURNING FROM RECESS EARLY TO ADDRESS THE CRISIS AT THE

POST OFFICE, AFTER IT WAS REPORTED THAT MAIL SORTING

MACHINES ACROSS THE COUNTRY WERE BEING REMOVED AND THE POSTAL

SERVICE HAD WARNED 46 STATES THAT VOTERS COULD BE

DISENFRANCHISED DUE TO THE CHANGES.

AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING IF IT'S JUST COINCIDENTAL THAT THE POST

OFFICE IS BEING DISMANTLED AS THE COUNTRY NEARS AN ELECTION

THAT WILL DEPEND IN LARGE PART ON MAIL‐IN VOTING, ONE, CONGRATS

ON WAKING UP FROM YOUR COMA, AND TWO, HERE'S TRUMP ADMITTING IT LAST WEEK.

>> THEY WANT $25 BILLION ‐‐ BILLION ‐‐ FOR THE POST OFFICE

NOW THEY NEED THE MONEY IN ORDER TO HAVE THE POST OFFICE WORK SO

IT CAN TAKE ALL OF THESE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF

BALLOTS. BUT IF THEY DON'T GET THOSE TWO

ITEMS, THAT MEANS YOU CAN'T HAVE UNIVERSAL MAIL‐IN VOTING

>> Seth: ONCE AGAIN, HE JUST CONFESSES.

JUST LIKE HE DID WITH RUSSIAN HACKING AND THE UKRAINE QUID PRO

QUO. HE CONFESSES LIKE HE HAS

JAMES BOND STRAPPED TO A TABLE "YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING HOW

I'M GOING TO STEAL THE ELECTION. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU EVERY

DETAIL, MR. BOND, AND THEN I'LL TURN THE LASER ON AND LEAVE THE

ROOM." THE ENTIRE TRUMP PRESIDENCY HAS

BEEN LIKE AN EPISODE OF "LAW AND ORDER" WHERE THE KILLER

CONFESSES IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES AND THEN THEY TURN IT

OVER TO A CABLE NEWS PANEL TO DISCUSS.

I MEAN, SURE, HE SAID HE KILLED HIM AND WHERE HE BURIED THE BODY

AND WHEN THEY DUG UP THE BODY, IT DID HAVE TRACES OF HIS DNA

BUT CAN WE REALLY ‐‐ CAN WE REALLY TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD?

OR ARE WE MAYBE OVER ‐‐ ARE WE MAYBE OVERREACTING

NOW, AS WE AND MANY OTHERS HAVE STATED, MILLIONS OF TIMES, THERE

IS ZERO EVIDENCE OF WIDESPREAD FRAUD IN MAIL‐IN VOTING.

EVEN TRUMP'S OWN VOTING INTEGRITY COMMISSION COULDN'T

FIND ANY EVIDENCE OF VOTER FRAUD.

IN FACT, IF ANYTHING, MAIL‐IN VOTING IS ESPECIALLY SECURE

BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE

YOU SUSPECT FRAUD, YOU JUST LOOK AT THE NAME AND SIGNATURE ON THE

BALLOT AND MAKE SURE IT'S A LEGAL VOTE

AND YET ON SUNDAY, TRUMP'S CHIEF OF STAFF, MARK MEADOWS, KEPT

REPEATING THE LIE THAT MAIL‐IN VOTING COULD SOMEHOW LEAD TO FRAUD.

>> BUT THERE'S NO EVIDENCE OF WIDESPREAD VOTER FRAUD, THOUGH

[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> THERE'S NO EVIDENCE OF

WIDESPREAD VOTER FRAUD >> THERE'S NO ‐‐ THERE'S NO

EVIDENCE THAT THERE'S NOT EITHER

>> Seth: THAT'S NOT HOW EVIDENCE WORKS.

YOU CAN'T ARREST SOMEONE FOR POSSESSION OF COCAINE BECAUSE

THEY CAN'T PROVE THEY DON'T HAVE ANY COCAINE.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY

>> I CAN GET SOME. IF YOU JOIN ME FOR A DIP

>> UGH UH, NO THANKS, I'M GOING TO GET

CLEAN. >> Seth: THAT WAS THE

INTERVENTION [ DING ]

I JUST HAD THAT SAME MEADOWS ARGUMENT WITH MY FOUR‐YEAR‐OLD

SON. "THERE'S NOT A MONSTER IN YOUR

CLOSET." "THERE'S NO EVIDENCE, THERE

ISN'T EITHER." "DAMN IT, YOU GOT ME

WHERE DID YOU LEARN THE MEADOWS MANEUVER, BOY?

"YOU HAVE CNN ON ALL DAY I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, DAD."

NOW, EVEN BEFORE DONALD TRUMP'S RISE TO POWER, THERE WAS A

DECADES‐LONG EFFORT BY RIGHT WING BILLIONAIRES AND DEAD‐EYED

CORPORATE HUSKS TO PRIVATIZE THE POST OFFICE, WHICH IS, ACCORDING

TO MANY POLLS, THE SINGLE MOST POPULAR PUBLIC INSTITUTION IN

AMERICA. AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

JUST WATCH THIS AD FROM MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR ED MARKEY

FEATURING SOME OF THE MOST LIKABLE BOSTON POSTAL WORKERS YOU WILL EVER SEE.

>> THE POSTAL SERVICE HANDLES IN ONE DAY MORE BUSINESS THAN FEDEX

AND UPS DO IN A YEAR IT'S AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE

ECONOMY OF THIS COUNTRY AND THE SECURITY OF THIS COUNTRY

AND RIGHT NOW, IT'S AN IMPORTANT PART OF DEMOCRACY.

WE'RE IN EVERY TOWN, DELIVER TO EVERY HOUSE EVERY DAY, THE

INFRASTRUCTURES, IT CAN'T BE MATCHED.

IF THEY PRIVATIZE THIS INSTITUTION, WE'LL BE AT THE

MERCY OF CORPORATIONS, AND WE ALL KNOW THEY HAVE NO MERCY.

>> Seth: SO GREAT THAT MASKS CAN KEEP OUT CORONAVIRUS BUT ARE

COMPLETELY IMPERVIOUS TO A BOSTON ACCENT.

NO ONE WAS WATCHING THAT THINKING, "WHERE ARE THOSE

GENTLEMAN FROM?" HEY, WE'RE SHOOTING A COMMERCIAL

HERE CAN SOMEBODY QUIET THE [ BLEEP ]

SEAGULLS DOWN? HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THOSE GUYS?

IT'S LIKE IF THE POST OFFICE WAS DIRECTED BY BEN AFFLECK.

"WE SERVICE MORE HOMES IN A DAY THAN FEDEX, UPS, AND WE ARE

SORRY TO SAY, EVEN YOUR MOTHER." POST OFFICE HAS BEEN WOVEN INTO

THE FABRIC OF AMERICA SINCE BEFORE THE FOUNDING.

IT'S AS OLD AS THE REPUBLIC

ITSELF IT'S LITERALLY IN THE CONSTITUTION

DELIVERING MAIL SINCE BEFORE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE WAS

EVEN SIGNED. PRESIDENT GEORGE WASHINGTON

SIGNED THE POSTAL SERVICE ACT WHICH AUTHORIZED CONGRESS TO

CREATE THE U. S. POSTAL SERVICE THIS ESTABLISHED ROUTES AND MADE

IT ILLEGAL TO OPEN ANYONE'S MAIL

>> Seth: THAT'S RIGHT, GEORGE WASHINGTON MADE IT

ILLEGAL TO OPEN ANYONE ELSE'S MAIL

OF COURSE, WASHINGTON COULDN'T HAVE ENVISIONED LIVING IN A NEW

YORK CITY APARTMENT AND GETTING MAIL FOR THE PREVIOUS FIVE

TENANTS EVERY DAY. BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE WATCHING

MELVIN SCHWARTZ, REBECCA HAD THE BABY

AND YET DESPITE ITS STORIED PLACE IN OUR HISTORY, THERE'S

LONG BEEN AN EFFORT BY REPUBLICANS AND BILLIONAIRES

LIKE CHARLES KOCH TO PRIVATIZE IT

AS FAR BACK AS 1988, RONALD REAGAN'S BUDGET DIRECTOR

JAMES MILLER SAID "THERE'S NO GOOD REASON WHY THE POSTAL

SERVICE SHOULD REMAIN PART OF THE U. S.

GOVERNMENT, AND NO GOOD REASON WHY IT SHOULD ENJOY A MONOPOLY

OVER THE DELIVERY OF LETTER MAIL."

YEAH, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO STICK A 55 CENT STAMP ON YOUR

LETTER WHEN YOU COULD WALK TO THE FEDEX STORE AND WAIT IN LINE

TO PAY $12 FOR THE SAME SERVICE? WHILE WE'RE AT IT, WHY SHOULD

THE INTERIOR DEPARTMENT HAVE A MONOPOLY ON THE PARKS?

LET'S SELL THE NAMING RIGHTS TO SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES AND TURN

IT INTO YELLOW COLDSTONE CREAMERY NATIONAL PARK OR

MOUNTAIN DEW CODE REDWOOD NATIONAL PARK.

WE COULD REPLACE SMOKEY BEAR WITH A CORPORATE MASCOT LIKE

CHESTER CHEETAH OR THE TACO BELL CHIHUAHUA.

YO QUIERO FOREST FIRES INCIDENTALLY, THAT REAGAN

OFFICIAL MILLER LATER WENT ON TO SERVE ON THE POSTAL SERVICE

BOARD OF GOVERNORS UNTIL HIS NOMINATION WAS THANKFULLY

BLOCKED BY SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS AT THE BEHEST OF

THE POSTAL UNIONS. AND YOU KNOW BERNIE LOVES MAIL

HE'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO WAITS FOR THE MAIL CARRIER ON

THE STOOP EVERY MORNING AND KNOWS MORE ABOUT THEIR ROUTE

THAN THEY DO "MORNING, SHIRLEY.

GOT THOSE CB2 CATALOGS TODAY, RIGHT?

AND BE CAREFUL ON FOURTH AVENUE. THERE'S A NEW PUDDLE."

AND ON SUNDAY, BERNIE WAS ONE OF

THE MOST VOCAL DEMOCRATS CALLING FOR AN IMMEDIATE INVESTIGATION OF THE CHANGES AT THE USPS

>> DO YOU THINK SPEAKER PELOSI SHOULD CALL THE HOUSE OF

REPRESENTATIVES BACK TO GET A FREE STANDING BILL TO FUND THE

POST OFFICE TO THE SENATE AND THEN TO THE PRESIDENT?

AND DO YOU THINK THAT THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES SHOULD BE

USING THEIR OVERSIGHT ROLE AND INVESTIGATING WHAT EXACTLY IS

GOING ON IN TERMS OF THE CHANGES THAT THE POSTMASTER GENERAL IS

MAKING >> THE ANSWER TO BOTH QUESTIONS

IS YES OVER THREE MONTHS AGO ‐‐ THREE

MONTHS AGO ‐‐ DEMOCRATS IN THE HOUSE PASSED THE HEROES BILL,

AND AMONG MANY OTHER THINGS, IT PROVIDED $25 BILLION FOR THE

POSTAL SERVICE >> Seth: BERNIE'S SO COMMITTED

TO PROTECTING THE POSTAL SERVICE, HE CALLED IN ON A

SUNDAY FROM HIS WEEKEND HOME INSIDE AN "AVATAR" MOVIE

SERIOUSLY, BERNIE, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS ZOOM BACKGROUND?

THAT LOOKS LIKE THE DEFAULT SCREEN SAVER ON WINDOWS '95.

SURPRISED HE'S NOT SURROUNDED BY FLYING TOASTERS.

THIS IS WHY YOU GOT TO LOVE BERNIE

THE PRESIDENT IS A CHEESY CROOK DOING PRESS CONFERENCES AT HIS

RITZY GOLF CLUB FOR HIS MILLIONAIRE BUDDIES AND BERNIE

LOOKS LIKE HE'S ON THE COVER OF A SLEEP SOUNDS ALBUM FROM 1985

>> LISTEN TO THE SOUNDS OF THE FOREST, THE BIRDS CHIRPING

THE CREEK'S RUNNING. WELL, GO TO SLEEP ALREADY.

COME ON, I'VE GOT THINGS TO DO >> Seth: SO IN MANY WAYS WHAT

WE'RE SEEING IS NOT NEW, IT'S BEEN A GOAL OF THE CONSERVATIVE

MOVEMENT FOR YEARS THEY WANT TO TURN ONE OF

AMERICA'S MOST CHERISHED PUBLIC INSTITUTIONS INTO A CHAIN

RESTAURANT WHERE YOU CAN BUY A PACK OF STAMPS AND UNLIMITED

BREADSTICKS. PRIVATIZING THE POST OFFICE IS

LIKE TURNING YOUR LOCAL FIRE STATION INTO THE CABLE COMPANY

"MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" "WE'LL BE THERE BETWEEN 9:00 AND

1:00 MAKE SURE SOMEONE IS HOME!

AND YET, AS AN ELECTION APPROACHES IN WHICH THE

INCUMBENT PRESIDENT JUST HAPPENS TO BE TRAILING BADLY IN THE

POLLS, CONSERVATIVES ARE SUDDENLY CONCERNED THAT THE POST

OFFICE LOSES MONEY FORMER FOX BUSINESS HOST

TRISH REAGAN CAPTURED THIS SENTIMENT YESTERDAY WHEN SHE

TWEETED, "HERE'S THE DEAL ON THE UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE

IT'S JUST A BAD BUSINESS POORLY RUN, LOSES BILLIONS

IF IT WERE ANY OTHER BUSINESS, IT WOULD HAVE GONE UNDER BY NOW.

WE NEED TO MAKE IT MORE ACCOUNTABLE, NOT KEEP THROWING

MONEY AT IT. YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT A BUSINESS!

IT'S SO TELLING THAT YOU GHOULS NEVER SAY STUFF LIKE THIS ABOUT

I.C.E. OR THE POLICE.

THE PENTAGON'S HAD MORE FLOPS THAN JOHNNY DEPP BUT YOU GUYS

STILL LOVE TO THROW MONEY AT IT. ALSO, AS WE EXPLAINED LAST WEEK,

THE POST OFFICE WAS ACTUALLY PROFITABLE UNTIL REPUBLICANS

PASSED A LAW IN 2006 REQUIRING IT TO PREFUND 75 YEARS OF

RETIREE HEALTH BENEFITS IN TEN YEARS.

AND WITHOUT THAT LAW, THE POST OFFICE WOULD HAVE REMAINED PROFITABLE

FIRST COUPLE OF YEARS OF THE 21st CENTURY, BUT BY 2003, IT

WAS BACK TO OPERATING OUT OF PROFIT

IN FACT, FROM 2003 THROUGH 2006, USPS RECORDED A TOTAL $9.3

BILLION PROFIT IF NOT FOR THE 75 YEAR PENSION

IN HEALTH CARE OBLIGATION, THE USPS WOULD HAVE RECORDED

OPERATING PROFITS FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS.

>> Seth: THE POST OFFICE TURNED A PROFIT

EVEN UBER ISN'T PROFITABLE IN FACT, IF ANYTHING, UBER

SHOULD BE TAKING CUES FROM THE POSTAL SERVICE

INSTEAD OF A CHEVY SUBURBAN, THEY SHOULD BE RIDING AROUND

PICKING PEOPLE UP IN A MAIL TRUCK.

"HANG TIGHT, I'VE GOT TO PICK UP THREE MORE PEOPLE.

SO THE SAME REPUBLICANS WHO ARE NOW COMPLAINING THAT THE POST

OFFICE LOSES MONEY ARE THE ONES RESPONSIBLE FOR THE POST OFFICE

LOSING MONEY IT'S LIKE IF YOUR BOSS AT KRISPY

KREME SAID, "WHY IS NO ONE COMING TO OUR STORE?

AND YOU SAID, "YOU MADE US PUT UP THAT SIGN THAT SAID WE STICK

OUR [ BLEEP ] IN ALL THE CRULLERS?"

ALSO, SIDE NOTE, IS THERE ANYTHING GEORGE W. BUSH DIDN'T

MAKE WORSE THE GUY WRECKED EVERYTHING FROM

THE MIDDLE EAST TO THE MAIL TO A BUNCH OF PERFECTLY GOOD

CANVASSES. I KNOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE A

TENDENCY TO GLOSS OVER HIS EIGHT YEARS AS PRESIDENT, BUT NEXT

TIME YOU GET A WEDDING INVITATION IN THE MAIL SIX

MONTHS AFTER THE WEDDING, JUST REMEMBER, MISSION UN‐COMPLISHED.

AND NOW THE PRIVATIZERS HAVE JOINED FORCES WITH A PRESIDENT

WHO'S DESPERATE TO SUBVERT AN ELECTION HE KNOWS HE CAN'T WIN

FAIRLY WHICH IS WHY HE'S INSTALLED A

POSTMASTER GENERAL, LOUIS DeJOY, WITH TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

WORTH OF CONFLICTS, WHO DONATED $360,000 TO TRUMP AND THE RNC,

WHICH IS UNPRECEDENTED THE POST OFFICE IS SUPPOSED TO

BE NON‐PARTISAN. PUTTING THIS GUY IN CHARGE OF

THE POST OFFICE IS LIKE PUTTING TOM SELLECK IN CHARGE OF HUD

"DON'T WORRY, I WON'T TAKE YOUR HOUSE.

WOULD MR. BASEBALL LIE TO YOU? DeJOY HAS BEEN GUTTING THE POST

OFFICE JUST AS STATES PREPARE FOR A SURGE IN MAIL‐IN BALLOTS,

THANKS TO THE DEADLY PLAGUE TRUMP FAILED TO STOP

HE SLOWED MAIL DELIVERY, SLASHED HOURS AT POST OFFICES, REMOVED

MAIL SORTING MACHINES ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND TOLD 46 STATES

THEIR VOTERS COULD BE DISENFRANCHISED BY DELAYED

MAIL‐IN BALLOTS. AND BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT A

MATTER OF WHETHER THE POSTAL SERVICE CAN HANDLE THE VOLUME.

EVEN IF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE 150 MILLION REGISTERED VOTERS

MAILED IN A BALLOT, THAT WOULD BE NOTHING COMPARED TO THE POST

OFFICE'S USUAL LOAD. THE POSTAL SERVICE PROCESSES

NEARLY 500 MILLION PIECES OF MAIL EVERY DAY, AND IT ANNUALLY

HANDLES MORE THAN THREE BILLION PIECES IN THE WEEK BEFORE

CHRISTMAS ALONE. YEAH, AND JUST THINK OF HOW

CRUCIAL THAT WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS IS

WE'VE ALL HAD THAT MOMENT OF TERROR WHERE WE REALIZE WE

FORGOT TO GIVE A GIFT FOR A LOVED ONE, PANIC BOUGHT

SOMETHING AT THE LAST MINUTE, CHOSE OVERNIGHT SHIPPING, AND

THEN WRAPPED IT IN OLD NEWSPAPER.

"HERE YOU GO, HONEY. REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID WE NEEDED

A NEW TOILET BRUSH WELL, I REMEMBERED."

WHAT WE'RE WITNESSING RIGHT NOW IS A MARRIAGE OF POSTAL SERVICE

PRIVATIZERS AND AN ANTI‐MAJORITARIAN POLITICAL

MOVEMENT INTENT ON UNDERMINING DEMOCRACY IN ORDER TO IMPOSE ITS

WILL ON EVERYONE ELSE. THEY KNOW THEY CAN'T WIN FAIRLY,

SO THEY'LL DO ANYTHING TO CHEAT, INCLUDING DISMANTLING ONE OF OUR

MOST CHERISHED PUBLIC INSTITUTIONS BECAUSE ‐

>> THEY HAVE NO MERCY. >> Seth: THIS HAS BEEN "A CLOSER

LOOK." ♪

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

OUR FRIEND JASON SUDEIKIS WILL BE HERE.

HE'S GOT A NEW SHOW ON APPLE TV PLUS CALLED "TED LASSO" WHERE

HE'S AN AMERICAN FOOTBALL COACH TAKING OVER A PREMIERE LEAGUE

SOCCER TEAM IN LONDON. THE FIRST FOUR ARE ALREADY UP,

AND HE'S ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC IN THE SHOW

I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO HIM. PLUS, I'LL CHAT WITH THE

MODERATOR OF "WASHINGTON WEEK" ON PBS, ROBERT COSTA

AND THIS IS VERY EXCITING. WE HAVE A NEW SPONSOR, AND IT'S

"MAPLEWORTH MURDERS" ON THE STREAMING SERVICE QUIBI.

IT WAS CREATED BY "LATE NIGHT" WRITER JOHN LUTZ WITH THE

WONDERFUL AND BRILLIANT PAULA PELL

FULL DISCLOSURE, I AM AN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER ON THAT SHOW.

SO I'VE SEEN ALL THE EPISODES, AND THEY ARE TRULY, TRULY VERY

FUNNY. IT'S A MYSTERY WHODUNIT WHERE

PAULA SOLVES MURDERS, AND THE VICTIMS AND SUSPECTS ARE ALL OF

OUR COMEDY FRIENDS THE CAST IS INSANE

THE FIRST MYSTERY STREAMED LAST WEEK, AND THERE'S AN EXCELLENT

NEW ONE TODAY. IT'S "MAPLEWORTH" MONTH ON QUIBI

AND NEW EPISODES DROP EVERY WEEK

TAKE A LOOK. ♪

>> Seth: WELCOME BACK. AWARD‐WINNING MUSICIAN

THOMAS LANG IS ON DRUMS THIS WEEK

HIS LATEST SOLO ALBUM "PROGPOP" IS AVAILABLE NOW, AND HE'S

CURRENTLY ON THE COVER OF THE AUGUST ISSUE OF "MODERN DRUMMER"

MAGAZINE HE ALSO JUST LAUNCHED A

BRAND‐NEW CALIFORNIA‐BASED MUSIC EDUCATION COMPANY, NINE BEATS

USA. CHECK IT OUT AT

NINEBEATSUSA.COM WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW,

THOMAS OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A

TALENTED ACTOR AND COMEDIAN WHO YOU KNOW FROM HIS WORK ON

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," "THE LAST MAN ON EARTH," AND "BOOKSMART.

HE STARS IN THE NEW COMEDY SERIES "TED LASSO.

NEW EPISODES ARE RELEASED EVERY FRIDAY ON APPLE TV PLUS. LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> SO I THOUGHT IF WE START THE ATTACK ON THE WING, JAMIE COULD

RUN FROM THE NEAR SIDE THEN WHEN THE DEFENSE FOLLOWS,

SAM COULD FILL HIS SPOT. >> SO USE JAMIE AS A DECOY

>> NO. NO ‐‐ WELL, YEAH

YEAH IN THIS CASE, YES.

>> LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT. >> WHAT, YOU'RE GOING TO USE MY

PLAY >> I MEAN, WE'RE GOING TO TRY IT

ON, SEE IF IT FITS YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT NOT

THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT BE A VERY FLATTERING SILHOUETTE.

I MIGHT WEAR IT RIGHT OUT OF THE STORE.

IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. I START TO STRUT

I'M LIKE, OOH, I LIKE THIS I LIKE THE WAY THIS MAKES ME FEEL

>> Seth: HERE'S MY CONVERSATION WITH OUR VERY GOOD FRIEND JASON SUDEIKIS

>> Seth: WELCOME BACK, JASON HOW ARE YOU, BUDDY

>> NOT TOO BAD, YOU KNOW HEALTHY, AND ‐‐ BUT LOCKED UP

AND GOING CRAZY, LIKE EVERYONE >> Seth: I THINK WE WERE GOING

SO CRAZY AND SO LOCKED UP WITH OUR KIDS THAT WE TOOK THE STEP

OF ACTUALLY USING THEM IN A SKETCH

WE DID A "SECOND CHANCE THEATER," WHICH NOW SEEMS LIKE A

LONG TIME AGO. >> I KNOW.

>> Seth: AND I COULD ONLY USE, IN THE END, ONE OF MY KIDS

AXEL, IT TURNED OUT, WAS TOO YOUNG TO ACT

SO ASHE WAS IN IT, BUT BOTH DAISY AND OTIS CAME THROUGH

BIG‐TIME ARE THEY DIFFERENT ACTORS?

ARE THEY DIFFERENT KINDS OF PERFORMERS

>> VERY DIFFERENT. VERY DIFFERENT PROCESS

YEAH, OTIS IS ‐‐ OTIS IS LIKE A PREMISE GUY.

HE'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE KIDS THAT I HAD FRIENDS GROWING UP LIKE

THAT THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY, WHAT IF

MR. DOYLE DID THIS?" YOU KNOW, AND YOU JUST SORT OF

SIT IN THE BACK OF THE CLASSROOM, AND YOU'RE KIND OF

PRETENDING, "WHAT IF WE THREW SOMETHING INTO THE FAN?"

AND OTIS IS THAT GUY AND THEN, DAISY IS JUST FULL‐ON

DANIEL DAY‐LEWIS SHE'S JUST IN IT THE WHOLE TIME.

SHE WAKES UP OLIVIA ALMOST EVERY MORNING COMING INTO OUR ROOM

GOING, "MAMA, WILL YOU PRETEND I'M A BABY HORSE NAMED," YOU

KNOW, "SCREWDRIVER?" AND THEN, LIV IS, "OKAY, YEAH.

COME HERE, SWEETIE." AND THEN, SHE CRAWLS INTO BED.

AND THEN, SHE JUST, "MM, MM" AND THEN, DOES THE SAME THING.

BUT SHE WILL STAY IN IT FOREVER UNTIL YOU YELL "CUT," AND THEN

SOMETIMES BEYOND >> Seth: I ‐‐ SHE DEFINITELY ‐

SHE WAS THE STANDOUT OF THE THREE.

I WILL WILLINGLY ADMIT THAT. >> YEAH.

>> Seth: YOUR WIFE OLIVIA ALSO HAD THE IDEA ‐‐ THIS WAS ‐

TED LASSO WAS A CHARACTER YOU DID IN A SERIES OF COMMERCIALS

FOR NBC SPORTS ‐ >> YEAH, YEAH.

>> Seth: ‐‐ A FEW YEARS BACK NOW.

AND OLIVIA WAS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED THAT MAYBE THIS COULD

EXPAND INTO, YOU KNOW, THE KIND OF CHARACTER THAT COULD CARRY A

SHOW >> YEAH.

AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT UNTIL BRENDAN MENTIONED IT, OUR

BUDDY, BRENDAN HUNT, WHO IS ON THE SHOW AND WAS ONE OF THE

PRODUCERS/WRITERS. HE MENTIONED IT IN THE PRESS,

AND THEN LIV MENTIONED IT TO ME AT HOME.

I WAS LIKE, "REALLY? SHE WAS LIKE, "YEAH," WE WERE

OUT TO DINNER. AND SHE EXPLAINED THE WHOLE

THING TO ME, AND SHE JUST LIKED THE FACT THAT WE ENJOYED DOING

IT, LOVED WORKING WITH, YOU KNOW, OUR BUDDIES BRENDAN AND

JOE. AND SIMILAR TO THE REASON I

ENJOY DOING IT BECAUSE IT'S ‐‐ HE'S JUST IN A GOOD MOOD A LOT

OF TIMES ESPECIALLY BY THE TIME WE DID

THE SECOND COMMERCIAL, AND SHE WAS LIKE, "YOU SHOULD LOOK AT

DOING THIS AS A TV SHOW OR MOVIE.

AND THEN, SHE REMINDED ME OF THAT

I JUST SORT OF SAT THERE AT DINNER AND JUST STARTED RIFFING.

I WAS LIKE, WHY IS HE SO HAPPY OH, MAYBE HE'S GOING THROUGH

SOMETHING. AND THEN I KIND OF JUST WENT IN

MY HEAD AND RUMINATED OVER, YOU KNOW, DEVILED EGGS OR WHO KNOWS

WHAT, SOME ‐‐ BACK WHEN YOU COULD GO TO RESTAURANTS.

ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE. >> Seth: AND THIS WAS ‐‐ YOU

KNOW, I REALLY ‐‐ I LOVE THE COMMERCIALS, AND THEY DEFINITELY

PLAYED OFF THE IDEA OF A FISH OUT OF WATER, AN AMERICAN

FOOTBALL COACH WHO IS IN CHARGE OF A BRITISH SOCCER TEAM

I WILL SAY I WAS SURPRISED AND DELIGHTED BY THE CHANGE IN SORT

OF TONE OF THIS SHOW I MEAN THERE'S STILL THE FISH

OUT OF WATER QUALITY, BUT YOU HAVE A VERY UPBEAT, OPTIMISTIC,

SORT OF JIMMY STEWART‐TYPE ATTITUDE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE

EMBARKING ON AS THIS COACH >> HIGH PRAISE, YEAH

I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT THAT HAPPENED FROM GETTING TO DO WITH

THE SECOND COMMERCIAL. BECAUSE THE FIRST COMMERCIAL,

THE WHOLE PREMISE WAS THAT HE GETS HIRED BY THE TOTTENHAM

HOTSPURS AND THEN GETS FIRED THREE DAYS LATER

AND SO WHEN THOSE COMMERCIALS DID WELL, THEY ASKED US TO DO A

SECOND ONE, BUT THEY'RE LIKE, "BUT YOU CAN'T GO TO THE UK.

WE DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET FOR THAT."

IT WAS LIKE, "OKAY ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THEN, MAYBE HE JUST LOVED HIS BRIEF TIME THERE AND FELL IN

LOVE WITH THE SPORT. AND IT WAS THAT, LIKE, CHILDLIKE

ENTHUSIASM THAT REALLY UNLOCKED IT FOR ME AND MADE IT REALLY FUN

TO PLAY. AND I JUST THINK HIM BEING

RELENTLESSLY STUPID WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE

OUR BIG RULE IN THE WRITERS' ROOM WAS LIKE, "HE'S SEEN

'SPORTSCENTER. HE KNOWS THAT ‐‐" YOU KNOW,

LIKE, "HE KNOWS THE BALL HAS TO GO IN THE NET.

>> Seth: I DO LIKE THAT HE IS A ‐‐ IT SHOWS THAT YOU CAN BE

CHEERY AND OPTIMISTIC AND ALSO NOT STUPID BECAUSE EVEN WHEN

PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF HIM, HE IS BOTH CHEERY, AND YOU CAN TELL ON

YOUR FACE AS AN ACTOR, IS AWARE THAT HE HAS JUST BEEN BURNED

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YES

>> Seth: I LIKE THAT DEPTH OF CHARACTER.

IT IS ‐‐ >> THANKS.

>> Seth: IT REALLY, LIKE, STEERS AWAY FROM BEING CARTOONISH AT

ALL, WHICH I THINK IS JUST FANTASTIC.

>> YEAH, THE MUSTACHE IS ABOUT AS CARTOONY AS IT GETS

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WE REALLY ‐‐ BUT, YEAH, THAT WAS

A BIG THING FOR US, WAS, UM ‐‐ I ALSO LOVE THAT ‐‐ DO YOU

REMEMBER THAT DEL CLOSE QUOTE, YOU KNOW, OUR IMPROV GURU?

DID YOU HAVE HIM ‐ >> Seth: SURE.

>> ‐‐ WHEN YOU WERE IN CHICAGO YEAH

>> Seth: I MISSED HIM. I MISSED HIM

>> YEAH. YEAH, YOU WERE IN ‐‐ YOU WERE AT

BOOM YOU WERE IN AMSTERDAM AT THAT

TIME WHEN HE WAS DOING HIS THING.

>> Seth: YEAH. >> BUT HE WOULD SAY, YOU KNOW,

"TREAT YOUR AUDIENCE LIKE POETS AND GENIUSES, AND THEY'LL RISE

TO THE OCCASION. AND I FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW,

TED ‐‐ IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT IT IS COMING ACROSS THAT, YEAH, TED

KNOWS THAT HE'S BEING INSULTED HE JUST ‐‐ HE JUST KNOWS THAT

IT'S ‐ WELL, THEY DON'T KNOW ME WELL

ENOUGH TO REALLY BE TALKING ABOUT ME

YOU KNOW, THE OTHER THING WE TALK ABOUT IS, LIKE, TED IS KIND

OF LIKE MUSHROOMS. HE'S SORT OF EGOLESS AND PEOPLE

PUT THEIR OWN THING ON HIM, AND HE'S JUST KIND OF LIKE, "YEAH,

ALL RIGHT. WELL, OKAY."

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] IT JUST BOUNCES OFF HIM BECAUSE,

AGAIN, IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMEONE, HOW CAN YOU HATE THEM

ALREADY? IT'S NOT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

IT'S THEIR OWN STUFF, AND IT DOESN'T RATTLE HIM IN THE LEAST

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE'S KIND OF LIKE, "OH, YOU KNOW, I'LL FIND

MY WAY HERE. >> Seth: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

WITH MORE JASON SUDEIKIS ♪

>> Seth: HERE'S MORE OF MY CONVERSATION WITH JASON SUDEIKIS

JOE KELLY. YOU MENTIONED BRENDAN HUNT

WHAT THOSE TWO GUYS HAVE IN COMMON WITH YOU AND I IS WE ALL

WENT OVER AND WORKED AT THIS THEATER BOOM CHICAGO IN

AMSTERDAM. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHERE ALL

FOUR OF US LEARNED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOCCER, NONE MORE, IT

SHOULD BE NOTED, THAN BRENDAN HUNT, WHO PLAYS YOUR

ASSISTANT COACH. >> YEAH.

>> Seth: ‐‐ BEARD. BUT WHAT WAS YOUR

RELATIONSHIP ‐‐ BECAUSE YOU CAME OVER A COUPLE YEARS AFTER ME

I WENT IN '98. THERE WAS A WORLD CUP GOING ON

HOLLAND DID REALLY WELL. >> YEAH.

>> Seth: THE CITY CAME ALIVE, AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, I WANT TO

BE A PART OF THIS FOREVER. WHAT WAS YOUR IN

>> IT WAS INITIALLY PLAYING PLAYSTATION, YOU KNOW, IN THE

GREEN ROOM, IN THE SHINY THERE, THAT I CAJOLED EVERYBODY TO CHIP

IN 20 GILDERS BEFORE THE EURO SO THAT WE COULD GET A PLAYSTATION,

MOSTLY SO I COULD PLAY "FIFA" WITH BRENDAN AND "TONY HAWK PRO

SKATER" ALONE. [ LAUGHTER ]

AND IT WAS 2000, SO IT WAS LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE MAIN TEAMS WERE

ARSENAL AND MAN U. BRENDAN BEING A HUGE ARSENAL FAN

WOULD TAKE THEM, SO IT WAS JUST BATTLES OF LIKE HENRY VERSUS

BECKHAM. AND BRENDAN IS, MUCH LIKE HIS

CHARACTER, A FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE AND ENTHUSIASM AND

ABILITY TO SPEAK IN PARALLELS OF METAPHOR, AND HE WOULD EXPLAIN

THE GAME TO ME AS WE WERE GOING. SO THEN, I STARTED TO MAP,

LIKE ‐ BECAUSE HE WOULD EXPLAIN USING

THE '90s BULLS AND THE TRIANGLE OFFENSE, AND I STARTED TO

UNDERSTAND THE TACTICS OF THE GAME A LITTLE BIT BETTER AND THE

BACK STORY OF THE PLAYERS AND HOW WELL THEY TRANSLATE THAT

INTO THE "FIFA" GAME AND THEN BY THE TIME WE DID ‐‐

ONCE THE COMMERCIALS CAME UP AND THE OPPORTUNITY, I WAS LIKE,

"OH, I KNOW EXACTLY WHO TO HIRE."

LIKE, YOU KNOW, OR WHO TO BRING ON, AND THAT'S BRENDAN AND JOE

AND THEN, WE WOULD ADD, LIKE, A LITTLE IN THE CONTRACT, LIKE,

"HEY, WE ALSO WANT TO BE ABLE TO COME OVER, YOU KNOW, AND BE

GIVEN LIKE THE RED CARPET TREATMENT.

YOU KNOW, MOSTLY FOR BRENDAN TO GO SEE A GAME ‐‐

>> Seth: YEAH. >> AT EMIRATES, WHICH IS SUCH A

JOY TO GET TO DO I KNOW YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY,

TAKING LIKE YOUR POPS TO GO SEE A STEELERS GAME AND STUFF.

WHEN YOU GET TO HAVE THESE PEOPLE TREAT YOU SO WELL AND

YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. >> Seth: THIS IS COMPLETELY UP

TO YOUR EXPOSURE LEVEL TO INTERNATIONAL ATHLETES, CORRECT?

LIKE, YOU'VE ACTUALLY NOW BEEN RECOGNIZED BY PEOPLE WHO HAVE

NEVER SEEN A SINGLE EPISODE OF "SNL."

>> OH, 100%. YEAH, I MEAN, THIERRY HENRY AND

TONY PARKER BEING ONE OF THEM. THAT WAS THE THING EARLY ON.

YOU KNOW, YOU MAKE THE COMMERCIALS, AND, LIKE, WE'D

JOKE ABOUT, YOU KNOW, "GO MAKE A VIRAL VIDEO.

YOU DON'T DO THAT. LIKE YOU MAKE "LAZY SUNDAY," AND

THEN IT SETS THE INTERNET ON FIRE, AND IT INTRODUCES PEOPLE

TO YOUTUBE BUT, LIKE ‐‐ AND FOR THE RECORD,

I KNOW I WASN'T IN THAT. I KNOW YOU WEREN'T IN THAT,

BUT ‐‐ YEAH, RIGHT >> Seth: I DON'T THINK IT ‐‐ WE

WERE AROUND WHEN WE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA, SO I DO THINK WE

DESERVE A LITTLE BIT OF CREDIT >> I FEEL LIKE YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

AND A LITTLE OF THIS, IF LORNE WOULD ‐‐

>> Seth: JUST A LITTLE >> JUST A TASTE.

JUST A TASTE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

BUT, YEAH, ME AND OUR BUDDY JOHN GLAZER WERE AT THE U. S.

OPEN, AND I REMEMBER WE WERE WATCHING THE TENNIS MATCH THERE

IN QUEENS, AND I LOOK DOWN, AND I SEE THIERRY HENRY AND

TONY PARKER, BOTH OF WHO I KNOW BECAUSE THEY'RE LEGENDS.

THEY LIKE BOTH LOOK. THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY," WAVING AT

ME LIKE THEY'RE 8‐YEAR‐OLDS WAVING AT, YOU KNOW,

RONALD McDONALD OR SOMETHING AND I'M LIKE, WHY ARE THEY ‐‐ I

DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE. LIKE MAYBE THEY'VE SEEN "HALL

PASS" A BUNCH OF TIMES OR SOMETHING.

AND THEN, AFTER THE MATCH, THEY COME UP, AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE

GUSHING IN THEIR, YOU KNOW, LOVELY FRENCH ACCENTS OF HOW

MUCH ‐‐ "TED LASSO OH, MY GOSH, TED LASSO."

AND I WAS LIKE, "WOW, THIS THING ‐‐

AND THEN, STEVE NASH WAS ANOTHER GUY WHO I'M A HUGE FAN OF, AND I

THINK HE'S JUST, YOU KNOW, TERRIFIC

HUGE SOCCER FAN. BIG TOTTENHAM SUPPORTER.

AND SEEING HIM AT A JAY‐Z CONCERT OUT HERE IN L. A.

LIKE, HE CAME UP TO ME I WAS LIKE, THIS IS ‐‐ THIS

THING HAS GOT ‐‐ THIS THING HAS GOT REACH IN WAYS THAT I HAD NO

WAY TO ANTICIPATE. >> Seth: YOU HAVE ‐‐ WE DID GET

TO WORK WITH SOME ATHLETES IN OUR DAYS AT "SNL."

AND I ACTUALLY JUST WENT BACK AND WATCHED THE SKETCH YOU DID

WITH LeBRON, BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE MAGIC MOMENT THAT I'M GOING

TO ASK YOU ABOUT HAD ACTUALLY HAPPENED ON‐AIR AND THEY CUT

AWAY, BUT IT WAS DRESS OR REHEARSAL

>> IT WASN'T EVEN DRESS. IT WAS REHEARSAL

IT WAS, LIKE, EITHER THURSDAY OR FRIDAY REHEARSAL, YEAH

>> Seth: BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I ALSO REMEMBERED IT.

>> YOU DO? OKAY

>> Seth: INDEPENDENT ‐‐ YES. >> THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE, YOU

KNOW, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO GO, YOU KNOW ‐‐

>> Seth: NOW, I MIGHT REMEMBER IT BECAUSE YOU TOLD EVERYBODY

LIKE MULTIPLE TIMES AFTER IT HAPPENED

>> I DID TELL IT A LOT I TELL IT A LOT.

THAT'S ‐‐ YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM OUR PRESIDENT.

YOU JUST SAY THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER

SOME SEGMENT OF THE POPULATION WILL REMEMBER BUT ‐‐

>> Seth: SO SHARE YOUR LeBRON STORY.

>> WELL, THE WHOLE SKETCH WAS IT WAS THIS THING THAT BILL HADER

AND I USED TO DO WHERE I WOULD PLAY LIKE A HOTHEAD SORT OF LIKE

STAGEHAND. LIKE IT WAS A BOOM MIC OPERATOR

WITH JULIA LOUIS‐DREYFUS AND WITH LeBRON, I WAS LIKE THE GUY

HANDING HIM HIS PROPS, AND HE'S DOING A COMMERCIAL

AND I EVENTUALLY GET TO A PLACE WHERE I JUST CHALLENGE

LeBRON JAMES AS BASICALLY MYSELF TO ONE‐ON‐ONE, AND HE ‐‐ YOU

KNOW, HE SCORES ON ME VERY EASILY

HE HITS ME WITH AN ELBOW I COME UP ‐‐ POP UP WITH BLOOD

ALL OVER MY FACE AND THEN, THE WAY THE SKETCH

ENDS, I THINK THE TERM WE WOULD USE AT "SNL" IS "RAVE OUT,"

WHERE I WOULD THEN GET THE BALL WITH BLOOD ALL OVER MY FACE AND

THEN TRY TO TAKE HIM TO THE HOLE AGAIN AS THE CROWD, YOU KNOW,

CLAPS HOPEFULLY. SO AT REHEARSAL, YOU KNOW, YOU

RUN THROUGH IT USUALLY LIKE THREE TIMES.

AND THE VERY FIRST TIME WE DID IT, I WENT DOWN, AND THE HOOP

WAS PROBABLY, YOU KNOW, 8 1/2 FEET OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I WENT DOWN THE LEFT SIDE. I WENT UP, YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT,

AND REVERSED IT AND CAME UNDERNEATH AND KISSED IT OFF THE

GLASS WITH A LITTLE SPIN, AND IT WENT IN.

AND ALL THE CAMERA GUYS, EVERYBODY ON THE SET WERE LIKE,

"WHOA! I'M PRETTY SURE MAVERICK, WHO,

YOU KNOW IS LeBRON'S, YOU KNOW, RIGHT‐HAND MAN WAS THERE TOO

I WAS JUST LIKE, "OH, SNAP." AND LeBRON CAME OVER AND GAVE ME

A LITTLE LOVE. I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, GREAT."

AND I BEELINED IT TO THE CONTROL ROOM BECAUSE WE FILM ALL THOSE

THINGS, AND AS A WRITER AND AS AN ACTOR, YOU GET TO WATCH THE

SHOTS AND SEE WHAT WORKS AND WHAT DOESN'T

AND I QUICKLY GOT A DVD OF IT BURNED AND WENT TO GO WATCH IT,

AND YOU SEE ME GO TO THE HOLE. IT FADES TO BLACK AS THE

SKETCHES DO IN REHEARSAL, BUT YOU HEAR THE AUDIO OF, LIKE, THE

CROWD GOING "AH! LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT'S IT.

IT ONLY EXISTS THROUGH ORAL TRADITION.

SO THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO SPREAD THIS LIE CONTINUOUSLY

>> Seth: OF COURSE NOT A LIE, AND ‐

>> IT REALLY HAPPENED. >> Seth: IN MY HEAD, I SAW IT

HAPPEN SO MAYBE I WAS ON THE FLOOR FOR

IT, OR MAYBE YOU JUST TELL A STORY THAT HAS GREAT VISUAL

DETAILS TO IT. >> ME AND GARRISON KEILLOR

THAT'S ‐‐ YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]

>> Seth: HEY, CONGRATS ON THE SHOW, BUDDY.

>> THANK YOU >> Seth: IT'S ALWAYS A DELIGHT

TO SEE YOU >> LIKEWISE.

>> Seth: HOPEFULLY BACK IN THE CITY SOON.

>> YEAH. WE'LL GET THE KIDS TOGETHER AND

HAVE THEM DO SOME IMPROV AND, YOU KNOW, ALL THAT STUFF

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] RIGHT?

FROM SIX FEET DISTANCE, OF COURSE

>> Seth: ALL RIGHT >> ALL RIGHT

TAKE CARE. >> Seth: BE WELL, BUDDY.

WATCH "TED LASSO" ON APPLE TV PLUS

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE MODERATOR OF "WASHINGTON WEEK"

ON PBS, ROBERT COSTA ♪

>> Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A REPORTER FOR "THE

WASHINGTON POST" AND MODERATOR OF "WASHINGTON WEEK," WHICH AIRS

FRIDAY NIGHTS ON "PBS. HERE'S MY CONVERSATION WITH ROBERT COSTA

HOW ARE YOU? >> HEY, GOOD TO BE WITH YOU,

SETH THANK YOU.

>> Seth: I'M GOING TO ASSUME ‐‐ YOU ARE A POLITICAL REPORTER

THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION STARTS TONIGHT.

YOU ARE NOT THERE, AND THAT PROBABLY STINKS.

AM I RIGHT >> IT'S TERRIBLE

I MEAN, EVERYTHING I'M DOING IS A ZOOM CALL.

IT ‐‐ IT ‐‐ ONE BLEEDS INTO THE OTHER.

CONVENTIONS ARE THE ULTIMATE SOURCING OPPORTUNITY

YOU GET TO ACTUALLY SEE THAT YOUR SOURCES ARE REAL PEOPLE,

NOT JUST PEOPLE YOU CALL ON THE PHONE.

SO I'M MISSING ALL THAT. I'M MISSING ALL THE FUN FOR

SURE >> Seth: SO BERNIE SANDERS WILL

BE SPEAKING TONIGHT. YOU'VE INTERVIEWED HIM MULTIPLE

TIMES. THE LAST TIME WAS A FEW MONTHS

AGO, AND YOU ‐‐ I GUESS THIS HAPPENS OFTEN, WHERE YOU WILL

HAVE A PRODUCER IN YOUR EAR WHILE YOU'RE ALSO TRYING TO

INTERVIEW SOMEONE, WHO TRIED TO GET YOU TO ASK A QUESTION THAT

YOU JUST WERE NOT WILLING TO ASK.

>> THAT IS TRUE. I ACTUALLY JUST SPOKE TO

SENATOR SANDERS EARLIER MONDAY HAD A LONG CONVERSATION WITH

HIM. I'VE BEEN COVERING HIM FOR

YEARS, AND WE'VE TALKED A LOT ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO WHEN HE

FIRST RAN FOR PRESIDENT. AT THE CAPITOL, HE CAME OUT FOR

HIS ANNOUNCEMENT AS A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE AND SAID,

"I DON'T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF TIME

I GOT TO GO BACK TO WORK." AND THERE WERE LIKE FOUR

REPORTERS THERE. EVEN THE TOURISTS AT THE CAPITOL

DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE. AND TO THINK HE'S BEEN THROUGH

THESE TWO CAMPAIGNS, NOW FINISHING IT ALL UP TONIGHT AT

THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

BUT I'M SO LOCKED IN, SETH, SOMETIMES AS A REPORTER, I'M NOT

KIND OF FOLLOWING EVERYTHING ELSE

SO A FEW MONTHS AGO I WAS TALKING TO SENATOR SANDERS AT

THE "WASHINGTON POST," WHEN I GET THIS THING IN MY EAR FROM MY

PRODUCER AND SHE SAYS, "YOU GOT TO ASK

THE SENATOR ABOUT CARDI B. CARDI B IS JUST ENDORSING

SENATOR SANDERS. AND SO I KEEP THE INTERVIEW

GOING WITH SENATOR SANDERS, AND I DON'T ASK THE QUESTION

THEN I HEAR IN MY EAR AGAIN, "ASK ABOUT CARDI B."

AND I'M THINKING TO MYSELF, "I PREPARED FOR THIS INTERVIEW.

I'M NOT ‐‐ I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT."

AND SO I DON'T ASK THE QUESTION, AND THEN THEY KEEP SCREAMING,

"ASK ABOUT CARDI B WE NEED A HEADLINE

WE NEED A TWEET. THE INTERVIEW ENDS

WE GO OFFSTAGE, AND THE PRODUCER IS SAYING TO ME, "YOU KNOW, WHY

DIDN'T YOU ASK?" AND I SAID, "WHO IS CARDI B?

[ LAUGHTER ] THEY ALL LOOKED AT ME WITH

IMMENSE DISAPPOINTMENT AND ACTUALLY I HAVE THIS AT MY

WORK‐FROM‐HOME OFFICE NOW. THEY GAVE ME A CARDI B MUG SO I

NEVER FORGET CARDI B, ALL RESPECT, BUT I WILL

NEVER FORGET CARDI B NOW >> Seth: I THINK IT'S ‐‐ I THINK

IT'S VERY FORGIVABLE IF SHE DID NOT KNOW WHO YOU OR I WERE, BUT

AT THIS POINT, THERE'S NO REASON FOR US NOT TO KNOW WHO SHE IS.

[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S TRUE

>> Seth: DO YOU THINK ‐‐ YOU KNOW, YOU MENTIONED BERNIE, AND

YOU MENTIONED HIM SPEAKING TONIGHT, AND THAT'S ONE OF MY

FAVORITE CLIPS, YOU MENTIONING HIM WHEN HE ANNOUNCED AND SAID

HE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME AT A WEIRD PODIUM OUTSIDE, A FEW

SHEETS OF LOOSE PAPER. DO YOU THINK THERE'S ENOUGH OF

AN APPRECIATION OF HOW FAR ‐ YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH HE'S HAD

TWO UNSUCCESSFUL CAMPAIGNS, IT DOES SEEM LIKE HE SHIFTED WHAT

IS CONSIDERED NOW THE MIDDLE OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY

>> OH, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH RESPECT FOR THE SANDERS

CAMPAIGN, HISTORICALLY SPEAKING, POLITICALLY.

I COULD THINK ABOUT SENATOR SANDERS A LOT LIKE

BARRY GOLDWATER, THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE IN '64

GOLDWATER LOST IN A LANDSLIDE TO LBJ, BUT 16 YEARS LATER,

RONALD REAGAN WINS THE WHITE HOUSE IN PART, IN MANY WAYS,

BECAUSE BARRY GOLDWATER LAID AN IDEOLOGICAL FOUNDATION FOR

REAGAN WHAT SANDERS IS DOING IS LAYING

THIS IDEOLOGICAL FOUNDATION, AND WE CAN'T FORGET ‐‐ FIVE YEARS

AGO, WHEN I'M SITTING THERE WITH SANDERS IN LOS ANGELES HAVING

BREAKFAST, TALKING ABOUT A POSSIBLE PRESIDENTIAL RUN, HE

WAS RAISING THINGS LIKE FREE COLLEGE, MEDICARE FOR ALL, THAT

WERE ISSUES THAT WERE CONSIDERED FRINGE

CALLING YOURSELF A DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST WAS SEEN AS CURIOUS

AND STRANGE. NO ONE DID IT, AND HE BROUGHT

ALL OF THOSE IDEAS INTO THE MAINSTREAM

HE HAS CHANGED AMERICAN POLITICS

AND HIS PERSONALITY IS INTERESTING, HIS STORY IS

INTERESTING TO BE SURE THE SON OF JEWISH IMMIGRANTS,

GREW UP IN NEW YORK, BECOMES THIS POLITICAL OUTSIDER IN

VERMONT. BUT AS A POLITICAL FIGURE,

HISTORIC AND TWO CAMPAIGNS THAT CHANGED

THE WAY THE DEMOCRATS THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES

>> Seth: YOU MENTIONED LAYING A FOUNDATION

ANOTHER FOUNDATION THAT SEEMS TO BE GETTING LAID RIGHT NOW, IS

THIS IDEA THAT WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TRUST THE ELECTION

RESULTS. AND THIS SEEMS TO BE A

FOUNDATION THAT THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN IS PRETTY MUCH USING

EVERY CHANCE THEY CAN ON, YOU KNOW, THE SUNDAY SHOWS

YESTERDAY WAS A GREAT EXAMPLE. IS THAT HOW YOU'RE SEEING IT AS

WELL THAT THEY'RE SORT OF SOWING A

FUNDAMENTAL DISTRUST OF THE ELECTORAL PROCESS?

>> THEY CERTAINLY ARE. BUT THE QUESTION IS WHY?

AND I'VE COVERED PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS AS A

BUSINESSMAN, A CANDIDATE I REALLY THINK WE GOT TO STEP

BACK FROM THIS POSTAL CRISIS IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE POSTAL

SERVICE. IT'S ABOUT PRESIDENT TRUMP

TRYING TO PROTECT HIS BRAND. THIS IS A GUY WHO FOUR, FIVE

YEARS AGO WHEN HE WAS RUNNING, HIS AIDES USED TO TELL ME

PRIVATELY, SETH, THAT IF HE LOST TO SECRETARY CLINTON, HE WOULD

NEVER CONCEDE. HE'D GO ON FOR A YEAR SAYING THE

ELECTION WAS RIGGED. HE NEEDED TO PROTECT THE BRAND

AND THIS EXERCISE NOW ON THE POST OFFICE HAS IMMENSE

CONSEQUENCE FOR OUR DEMOCRACY, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

BUT AT ITS CORE, BASED ON MY REPORTING, IT'S A BUSINESSMAN

TRYING TO PROTECT HIS REPUTATION IN HIS OWN MIND AS A WINNER, AND

THAT'S WHY HE'S GOING AND ATTACKING THIS INSTITUTION THAT

HE THINKS HE CAN BLAME IF HE IS DEFEATED

>> Seth: AND THEN DO YOU PREDICT A LONG, LITIGIOUS TALE TO

ELECTION NIGHT, WERE JOE BIDEN TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY?

>> I MEAN, THEY'RE ALL TALKING ABOUT IT ON BOTH SIDES

I JUST TALKED TO NEWT GINGRICH, WHO'S CLOSE TO THE PRESIDENT

AND HE SAID ALMOST GLEEFULLY, "THIS IS GOING TO BE LIKE 2000

WHERE IT STRETCHES ON, MAYBE GOES TO THE SUPREME COURT.

AND I TALKED TO JEN O'MALLEY DILLON EARLIER

MONDAY, THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN MANAGER, AND SHE SAYS SHE'S WELL

AWARE THE REPUBLICANS HAVE THESE 50,000 SO‐CALLED POLL WATCHERS

TO WATCH EVERYTHING. AND THE BIDEN CAMPAIGN IS GOING

TO HAVE TO HAVE THIS ARMY OF LAWYERS, AND IT COULD STRETCH ON

FOR MONTHS, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE POSTAL SERVICE AND ALL OF

THOSE ISSUES >> Seth: I DO WANT TO FINISH

WITH THIS VERY IMPRESSIVE TIDBIT WE FOUND IN YOUR BIO

YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWN WHO CARDI B WAS EARLIER THIS YEAR.

>> TRUE. >> Seth: BUT YOU BOOKED SOME

PRETTY CONSIDERABLE BANDS BACK IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DAYS

>> I DID I MEAN, THANKS FOR LOOKING AT MY

WIKIPEDIA. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN, I'M NEVER GOING TO ESCAPE WHAT I DID IN HIGH

SCHOOL I HAD A GREAT TIME

>> Seth: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO ESCAPE THIS?

>> I'M NOT SAYING ‐‐ I ALWAYS SAID TO MYSELF ‐‐ WHAT HAPPENED

IN HIGH SCHOOL IS I BOOKED MAROON 5 TO COME PLAY AT MY HIGH

SCHOOL WHEN THEY WEREN'T FAMOUS. I MET THEIR MANAGER AT A SHOW.

AND THEN THEY WERE OPENING FOR JOHN MAYER, WHO THEN I INVITED

TO MY PROM I HAD NO MONEY, BUT IT ‐‐ THE

WHOLE EXPERIENCE TAUGHT ME ‐‐ I HAD NO MONEY, NO CONNECTIONS,

BIG PUBLIC SCHOOL, PENNSBURY HIGH SCHOOL, 4,000 STUDENTS, AND

I JUST SAID, "WHY NOT MAKE A BIG ASK?

WHY NOT HAVE SOME FUN? AND ALL THESE ARTISTS CAME

MAYER, I GIVE HIM A LOT OF CREDIT

MAYER DIDN'T EVEN GO TO HIS OWN PROM, BUT CAME TO PLAY OUR PROM.

HE WORE A TUXEDO JACKET AND JEANS, AND IT WAS THE TIME OF

OUR LIFE IT INSPIRED EVERYONE WHERE I

GREW UP IN BUCKS COUNTY THAT IF THESE GUYS WILL COME, ANYTHING

CAN HAPPEN >> Seth: WELL, I REALLY

APPRECIATE IT, AND THANK YOU NOT ONLY FOR INSPIRING YOUR SENIOR

CLASS, BUT ALSO FOR MANAGING TO COVER A CONVENTION FROM HOME

WE REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR TIME >> THANKS, SETH.

I APPRECIATE IT. ♪

>> Seth: THE DAYS ARE WINDING DOWN HERE IN THE CAPTAIN'S

QUARTERS AND THERE ARE ONLY THREE DAYS

LEFT BEFORE WE SET SAIL FOR ‐‐ I DON'T KNOW WHERE, BUT WE'RE

PACKING THESE DAYS WITH GREAT GUESTS

RUSSELL CROWE. PATTON OSWALT.

MUSIC FROM THE LEMON TWIGS SANDRA OH, GAYLE KING,

BUSY PHILLIPS AND KENAN THOMPSON WILL ALL BE HERE

AND OF COURSE MY COMPANIONS AND SEA CAPTAIN, AND IRA THE DUCK

AND ALL OF THE OTHER VERY TALKATIVE CHARACTERS THAT I

THINK ARE REAL, BUT THEY MAY JUST BE THE FIRST SIGN OF OUR

DISSENT INTO INSANITY. SO WATCH THOSE SHOWS AND FIND

OUT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪ >> Seth: I WANT TO THANK

JASON SUDEIKIS AND ROBERT COSTA. I WANT TO THANK THOMAS LANG AND

THE 8G BAND. STAY TUNED FOR "LILLY SINGH.

STAY SAFE. WASH YOUR HANDS.

WEAR A MASK. WE LOVE YOU.

♪