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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,455 Oh, Joe, I'm so mixed up about everything. 2 00:00:05,694 --> 00:00:07,688 Folks trying to stop us. 3 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,539 They've always tried to run my life. 4 00:00:11,641 --> 00:00:15,241 Like when I wanted to go to a dance... 5 00:00:17,588 --> 00:00:18,488 What's up? 6 00:00:18,591 --> 00:00:19,821 That guy Bobby just texted me. 7 00:00:19,928 --> 00:00:21,274 The one who wouldn't hook up with you 8 00:00:21,298 --> 00:00:22,738 'cause he said you look like his mom? 9 00:00:22,802 --> 00:00:23,701 No, no, no, no. 10 00:00:23,804 --> 00:00:25,644 No, Bobby is the guy... I hooked up with him... 11 00:00:25,675 --> 00:00:28,090 Well, we didn't really hook up 'cause I couldn't get him hard. 12 00:00:28,114 --> 00:00:29,344 I thought his name was Graham. 13 00:00:29,451 --> 00:00:31,820 No, that happened with him, too, but, no, no, no. 14 00:00:31,923 --> 00:00:34,019 Bobby's the one I, like, really, really, really like. 15 00:00:34,128 --> 00:00:35,894 - What should I do? - Just be yourself. 16 00:00:35,999 --> 00:00:38,197 All right, love you. 17 00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:40,469 Hello? 18 00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:17,764 God, this is a good-looking crowd. 19 00:02:17,875 --> 00:02:19,675 Wow, good job, you guys. 20 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,579 Oh, my God, don't clap for how hot you are. 21 00:02:21,685 --> 00:02:22,778 Look at those chicks. 22 00:02:22,887 --> 00:02:24,790 They're like, "We fucking brought it." 23 00:02:24,892 --> 00:02:27,421 Uh... You did, though. 24 00:02:27,532 --> 00:02:28,431 You know what I realized, though? 25 00:02:28,534 --> 00:02:30,047 Like, we don't need to be trying so hard. 26 00:02:30,071 --> 00:02:31,071 Like, look at you. 27 00:02:31,108 --> 00:02:33,272 You obviously showered. You look gorgeous. 28 00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:36,615 We don't need to do that. Guys are fucking gross. 29 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,782 If you saw a lineup 30 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:42,162 of, like, the grossest chick that a guy would fuck, 31 00:02:42,267 --> 00:02:44,329 you would be blown away. 32 00:02:46,244 --> 00:02:49,844 You probably stepped over her to get in this place tonight. 33 00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:55,842 A lot of people have been telling me 34 00:02:55,866 --> 00:02:57,066 I look like Jennifer Lawrence. 35 00:02:57,103 --> 00:02:58,002 I don't see that. 36 00:02:58,105 --> 00:02:59,768 Well, I know I'm taller than her. 37 00:02:59,876 --> 00:03:02,347 Like, I'm not crazy. 38 00:03:03,885 --> 00:03:05,218 Jim, what's your problem? 39 00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:07,503 I just don't understand why you guys would take me here. 40 00:03:07,527 --> 00:03:08,962 Because you love hot wings. 41 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,377 What are you talking about right now? 42 00:03:10,401 --> 00:03:11,401 I do. They're fine. 43 00:03:11,504 --> 00:03:12,983 It's just a guy doesn't want to come to O'Nutters 44 00:03:13,007 --> 00:03:14,134 right after a breakup. 45 00:03:14,244 --> 00:03:16,875 Why? 'Cause there are a couple of good-looking waiters here? 46 00:03:16,983 --> 00:03:18,213 Hey, ladies. How we doing? 47 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,448 - Hey! - Hey. Great. 48 00:03:19,556 --> 00:03:22,256 All right. Hey, uh, excuse me... 49 00:03:22,363 --> 00:03:24,299 My nuts are down here. 50 00:03:29,079 --> 00:03:30,845 Hey, I'm Amber. Welcome to O'Nutters. 51 00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:31,950 - Thanks. - Thank you. 52 00:03:32,019 --> 00:03:35,083 So who's been here before? 53 00:03:35,194 --> 00:03:36,663 All right, so can I start anybody off 54 00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:38,597 with a little pinot greege? 55 00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:39,847 - I'll have one. - Yeah, me too. 56 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:42,435 - Can I have a beer? - Uh, sorry, broham, no beer. 57 00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:45,210 But we do have Skinny Girl white zin spritzers. 58 00:03:45,318 --> 00:03:47,448 And if you'd like, I can 86 the parasol, 59 00:03:47,557 --> 00:03:48,820 throw in a lemon chunk for you. 60 00:03:48,927 --> 00:03:50,294 I'll just have a pinot. 61 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,834 All right, three pinots for my three "pinoteers." 62 00:03:55,074 --> 00:03:57,842 Hey, um... 63 00:03:57,948 --> 00:03:59,160 Normally, I wouldn't risk getting in trouble, 64 00:03:59,184 --> 00:04:01,212 but you guys seem super cool. 65 00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,385 If I were you, I'd go for the pitcher, 66 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:04,929 save you a few bucks. 67 00:04:05,031 --> 00:04:06,728 - All right. - Great tip. Thank you. 68 00:04:06,835 --> 00:04:07,735 Let's do it. 69 00:04:07,838 --> 00:04:09,900 You got it. No problem. 70 00:04:10,010 --> 00:04:11,130 I'm being serious right now. 71 00:04:11,213 --> 00:04:13,514 You guys are models, right? 72 00:04:13,619 --> 00:04:16,387 - What? Shut up. - Oh, my God! 73 00:04:16,492 --> 00:04:17,825 We all work at Payless. 74 00:04:18,964 --> 00:04:21,300 Oh, my God. That's my favorite shoe store. 75 00:04:21,404 --> 00:04:22,771 Get out. 76 00:04:22,874 --> 00:04:24,554 But you guys should quit and become models. 77 00:04:25,513 --> 00:04:26,993 I'll be right back with those pinots, guys. 78 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,487 - Thank you. - You got it. 79 00:04:28,588 --> 00:04:29,886 Oh, my God! 80 00:04:29,991 --> 00:04:32,072 That was so cool how he told us about the pitcher deal. 81 00:04:32,096 --> 00:04:33,428 He did not have to do that. 82 00:04:33,533 --> 00:04:34,432 You should get his number 83 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:35,848 and have him go out with us when he gets off work. 84 00:04:35,872 --> 00:04:38,070 Oh, my God. Wake up. 85 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:39,617 He's just trying to get a bigger tip. 86 00:04:39,681 --> 00:04:42,084 Jim, okay, I know that you're still bummed about Karen, 87 00:04:42,187 --> 00:04:44,590 but please don't just dump your negativity on us. 88 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,356 At work it's one thing, you know? 89 00:04:46,463 --> 00:04:48,491 All the shoes are around, the people. 90 00:04:48,601 --> 00:04:52,338 But here, on our time, please get it together. 91 00:04:52,445 --> 00:04:53,640 We have one hour for lunch. 92 00:04:53,748 --> 00:04:57,153 We're here to have a great time, okay? 93 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,819 Listen, I don't mean to eavesdrop on you, broseph, 94 00:04:59,929 --> 00:05:02,766 but you don't want to end up like Rupert over there. 95 00:05:05,809 --> 00:05:07,073 Yeah, after his wife left him, 96 00:05:07,179 --> 00:05:08,808 he went into a real deep depression. 97 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,648 Got pretty bad. 98 00:05:10,755 --> 00:05:12,988 - He forgot how to live. - So sad. 99 00:05:13,093 --> 00:05:15,395 Don't let that happen to you, man, okay? 100 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,494 - Thank you. - Yeah. 101 00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:20,168 Hey, give me some nuts. 102 00:05:20,277 --> 00:05:21,277 What? 103 00:05:21,347 --> 00:05:22,839 Give him some nuts, Jim. 104 00:05:24,354 --> 00:05:25,379 Go on, Jim. 105 00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,687 There you go. 106 00:05:27,796 --> 00:05:29,390 Little of this. Then a little of that. 107 00:05:29,499 --> 00:05:30,539 Then you return the favor. 108 00:05:30,636 --> 00:05:33,301 Touch 'em. Yeah, see? 109 00:05:33,409 --> 00:05:35,402 - There you go, huh? Fun? - So cute. Yeah. 110 00:05:35,514 --> 00:05:37,484 It feels good, Jim. It's fun, right? 111 00:05:37,585 --> 00:05:38,986 - What did I just do? - It's good. 112 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,455 Go with it, Jim. Don't ruin this. 113 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,619 You know what, guys? 114 00:05:41,728 --> 00:05:45,898 I think I have got just the cure for Señor Sad Sack over here. 115 00:05:46,005 --> 00:05:48,500 The check? 116 00:05:48,612 --> 00:05:50,845 Wet-nut contest! 117 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,010 ♪ This isn't love ♪ 118 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,284 ♪ This is only karaoke ♪ 119 00:05:54,392 --> 00:05:58,094 ♪ Rose petals on the floor soaked in sake ♪ 120 00:05:58,201 --> 00:05:59,602 ♪ This isn't love ♪ 121 00:05:59,705 --> 00:06:02,303 ♪ This is only karaoke ♪ 122 00:06:02,411 --> 00:06:06,045 ♪ Rose petals on the floor soaked in sake ♪ 123 00:06:06,153 --> 00:06:09,217 ♪ Let's blur the lines between right and wrong ♪ 124 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:13,633 ♪ When we hit this song ♪ 125 00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:20,978 ♪ Let's blur the lines between right and wrong ♪ 126 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:25,930 ♪ When we hit this song ♪ 127 00:06:26,502 --> 00:06:27,333 ♪ This isn't love ♪ 128 00:06:27,438 --> 00:06:30,069 ♪ This is only karaoke ♪ 129 00:06:30,177 --> 00:06:32,410 ♪ I'm not in love ♪ 130 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,214 Jim, get up! 131 00:06:34,321 --> 00:06:35,517 Get up! 132 00:06:35,624 --> 00:06:37,471 ♪ Let's blur the lines between right and wrong ♪ 133 00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:42,063 ♪ When we hit this song ♪ 134 00:06:42,173 --> 00:06:43,403 ♪ This isn't love ♪ 135 00:06:43,509 --> 00:06:45,878 ♪ This is only karaoke ♪ 136 00:06:45,982 --> 00:06:48,477 Ye-e-e-ah! 137 00:06:48,588 --> 00:06:49,955 ♪ ... soaked in sake ♪ 138 00:06:50,058 --> 00:06:53,225 ♪ Let's blur the lines between right and wrong ♪ 139 00:06:53,332 --> 00:06:55,861 Ye-e-e-ah! 140 00:06:55,939 --> 00:06:58,605 Ye-e-e-ah! 141 00:07:06,898 --> 00:07:08,596 Everybody wants their soul mate now. 142 00:07:08,703 --> 00:07:09,949 You've got to have your soul mate. 143 00:07:09,973 --> 00:07:11,686 Even my mom's still looking for her soul mate. 144 00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,179 She's 64. 145 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,183 Her new boyfriend's 70. 146 00:07:15,285 --> 00:07:18,987 I had to meet her 70-year-old boyfriend and make small talk. 147 00:07:19,094 --> 00:07:20,860 This is what it sounded like. 148 00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:24,497 "So, Michael, what wars were you in? Um..." 149 00:07:26,178 --> 00:07:27,704 She's like, "Talk to him." 150 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,250 I'm like, "Can he hear me?" 151 00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:33,926 He's not like young, spry, like, 70. 152 00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:37,197 He's like "Schindler's List-y," like... 153 00:07:37,305 --> 00:07:41,007 I'm half Jewish. I can half say that. 154 00:07:41,114 --> 00:07:42,114 He really is. 155 00:07:42,149 --> 00:07:44,177 They're, like, new. They're in love. 156 00:07:44,287 --> 00:07:45,767 They're like... We're at a restaurant, 157 00:07:45,858 --> 00:07:47,293 and she's, like, feeding him. 158 00:07:47,394 --> 00:07:48,921 But it just looks like he needs that. 159 00:07:49,032 --> 00:07:51,230 It's just like... 160 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,468 They're coming over 'cause they're concerned. 161 00:07:53,576 --> 00:07:56,105 Ugh. She thinks they're so cute. 162 00:07:56,216 --> 00:07:57,810 She thinks it's so adorable to be like, 163 00:07:57,920 --> 00:07:59,754 "We're going steady. We're going steady." 164 00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:01,886 I'm like, look at him walking to the bathroom. 165 00:08:01,997 --> 00:08:05,402 Like, no one's going steady. He's like, "Aaah." 166 00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:12,185 All of our friends had left us and we were both stuck there. 167 00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:14,759 I mean, Napa Valley of all places. 168 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,854 But that's basically how Carlos and I met. 169 00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:19,801 I am very happy to meet you. 170 00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:23,107 Also I'm finished. 171 00:08:24,217 --> 00:08:27,018 Oh, my God, Grandma, no! Carlos is not a busboy. 172 00:08:27,123 --> 00:08:29,059 He's my boyfriend! 173 00:08:29,161 --> 00:08:31,155 - I'm so sorry. - Amy, it's okay. 174 00:08:31,266 --> 00:08:32,735 She grew up during a different time. 175 00:08:32,837 --> 00:08:36,539 Tell him to start mowing the lawn by the pool 176 00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:39,049 so it'll be quiet for my nap. 177 00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:40,151 Look familiar? 178 00:08:40,255 --> 00:08:42,522 Are you tired of your elderly relatives 179 00:08:42,627 --> 00:08:44,825 thinking their blatant racism Is okay? 180 00:08:44,932 --> 00:08:47,837 I don't know how to help my grandma! 181 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,101 There Is an answer. 182 00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:50,941 Generations. 183 00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:52,914 A revolutionary new facility 184 00:08:53,019 --> 00:08:54,579 where we give your elderly loved ones 185 00:08:54,689 --> 00:08:56,352 the politically correct social skills 186 00:08:56,459 --> 00:08:59,261 to get along In the modern world. 187 00:08:59,366 --> 00:09:01,360 This person is what? 188 00:09:01,471 --> 00:09:03,909 - Drug mule. - A gardener? 189 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:07,246 No. Latino. 190 00:09:08,555 --> 00:09:10,651 In our state-of-the-art facilities, 191 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:11,922 we use an obstacle course 192 00:09:12,030 --> 00:09:14,331 to teach them fear-hiding techniques. 193 00:09:15,739 --> 00:09:17,174 No! 194 00:09:23,691 --> 00:09:27,462 We'll show them hard evidence defying stereotypes. 195 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,301 Okay, everybody, now watch very closely. 196 00:09:33,749 --> 00:09:36,220 Somebody help him! 197 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:39,656 I'm perfectly fine! 198 00:09:43,271 --> 00:09:44,706 Thank you for your concern. 199 00:09:44,808 --> 00:09:46,403 He's so articulate. 200 00:09:46,513 --> 00:09:48,507 That's not a compliment. 201 00:09:48,618 --> 00:09:50,851 In our two-week Asian Intensive, 202 00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:55,160 your loved one will first learn what words are "never-says." 203 00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:56,267 Chinaman. 204 00:09:56,369 --> 00:09:57,862 That's a never-say. 205 00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:01,203 - Orient... - Never-say. 206 00:10:02,651 --> 00:10:06,559 Here at Generations, through repetition, patience... 207 00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:08,563 so much patience... 208 00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:12,071 hand-holding, gentle cajoling, and coupon reinforcement, 209 00:10:12,173 --> 00:10:15,807 we prove that you can teach an old dog new tricks. 210 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,387 Here's my new class now. 211 00:10:18,489 --> 00:10:20,083 Bitch, I'm trying to help you. 212 00:10:29,515 --> 00:10:30,609 I live in Chelsea. 213 00:10:30,718 --> 00:10:32,231 You know that neighborhood in New York? 214 00:10:32,255 --> 00:10:35,251 It's all gay guys. It's so painful. 215 00:10:35,363 --> 00:10:37,800 I'm just, like, living in a sea of gorgeous gay men 216 00:10:37,902 --> 00:10:40,203 that want nothing to do with me. 217 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,437 But they'll still chime in on my outfit. 218 00:10:42,547 --> 00:10:47,388 Like, they'll be like, "Gross." I'm like, "What?!" 219 00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:50,690 The other day, I really heard one of them be like, "HPV." 220 00:10:50,799 --> 00:10:52,530 I was like, "Um... 221 00:10:52,637 --> 00:10:55,404 Are you a psychic? 222 00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:56,911 Some kind of a gay psychic?" 223 00:11:00,121 --> 00:11:03,185 ♪ Somebody's really pretty today ♪ 224 00:11:04,298 --> 00:11:05,699 ♪ Somebody's really pretty today ♪ 225 00:11:14,121 --> 00:11:15,121 Ugh. 226 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,132 God. 227 00:11:31,029 --> 00:11:32,828 Ooh! Ooh. 228 00:11:35,272 --> 00:11:36,832 - Jess? - What's wrong? 229 00:11:36,942 --> 00:11:38,434 Okay, Bobby just texted me. 230 00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:40,327 He wants me to send him, like, a sexy picture. 231 00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:42,082 - Oh, my God. Did you? - No, no. 232 00:11:42,188 --> 00:11:44,169 I've been trying, and they're just, like, really bad. 233 00:11:44,193 --> 00:11:45,673 Should I just send him that one where... 234 00:11:45,697 --> 00:11:47,463 Remember I met Hillary Clinton at LaGuardia? 235 00:11:47,568 --> 00:11:48,467 Should I send him that one? 236 00:11:48,570 --> 00:11:49,849 You could like basically see my nipple. 237 00:11:49,873 --> 00:11:51,193 They made me take it off Facebook, 238 00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:53,612 so it's definitely not not sexual. 239 00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:55,208 You're taking them yourself? 240 00:11:55,319 --> 00:11:57,017 Yeah. Wait, what? 241 00:11:57,124 --> 00:11:59,493 - Honey, let me call my guy. - Your guy? 242 00:12:02,971 --> 00:12:04,338 Oh! That's Bobby again. 243 00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:06,639 Okay, I'm calling Danny P. Right now. 244 00:12:06,747 --> 00:12:07,747 Danny P? 245 00:12:11,926 --> 00:12:13,987 - Hi, come on in. - Hi, thank you. 246 00:12:14,098 --> 00:12:17,003 Cute place. Do you teach art to cats? 247 00:12:17,105 --> 00:12:18,685 - Can I offer you something? - Offer me what? 248 00:12:18,709 --> 00:12:20,455 Half a coconut water and the dirt from your Brita? 249 00:12:20,479 --> 00:12:21,925 I think I'm actually good, lonelybones. 250 00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,179 I'm kind of in a rush. 251 00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:25,052 What do you got already? Let's see. 252 00:12:25,158 --> 00:12:28,724 Ooh. Why the cactus? 253 00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:30,701 T-That's not a... That's not a cactus. 254 00:12:31,706 --> 00:12:33,574 Okay, we need the bush team on standby. 255 00:12:33,678 --> 00:12:35,124 It looks like she's got a Hasidic rabbi 256 00:12:35,148 --> 00:12:36,309 living in her underpants. 257 00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:38,445 - No offense. - Okay. 258 00:12:38,556 --> 00:12:40,652 We're just gonna clean you up. It'll take a second. 259 00:12:40,762 --> 00:12:41,787 20 minutes. 260 00:12:41,897 --> 00:12:43,093 Don't worry. 261 00:12:43,201 --> 00:12:45,263 You're in good hands, okay? I've done everyone's. 262 00:12:45,372 --> 00:12:47,741 I'm talking Blake Lively, Scarlett Jo, 263 00:12:47,845 --> 00:12:48,905 George Lopez. 264 00:12:49,014 --> 00:12:51,076 It was actually my idea to make Brett Favre's dick, 265 00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:52,450 like, bright yellow. 266 00:12:52,556 --> 00:12:54,423 - No! That was you? - That was me. 267 00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:56,088 Let's get to it. 268 00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:58,864 Did you wear that yesterday? 269 00:12:58,972 --> 00:13:00,771 Yes! 270 00:13:00,876 --> 00:13:02,356 Very good, but don't forget your duck mouth. 271 00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:03,815 Don't forget that duck mouth. 272 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,614 Now you're in a boat. 273 00:13:05,721 --> 00:13:07,453 You're in a boat because you're Pocahontas 274 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:08,892 and it's the New World! 275 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,058 Maybe less feathers. 276 00:13:11,167 --> 00:13:13,798 Smile like you don't have Spanx on. 277 00:13:13,908 --> 00:13:14,967 Yeah! 278 00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:16,670 Lay back and look really alluring. 279 00:13:16,781 --> 00:13:19,184 Well, actually, don't look dead. 280 00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:22,693 You're pregnant! You're pregnant with gift cards! 281 00:13:22,795 --> 00:13:24,230 Yeah! 282 00:13:24,332 --> 00:13:25,767 Oh! Are you gonna shit your pants? 283 00:13:25,869 --> 00:13:27,415 Oh, my God. Are you gonna shit your pants? 284 00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:29,501 You're so comfy. 285 00:13:29,611 --> 00:13:31,411 Too comfy. Too comfy. 286 00:13:31,516 --> 00:13:33,453 Look, if you don't watch your fucking shadow, 287 00:13:33,554 --> 00:13:34,749 I will remove it. 288 00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:35,857 Here we go. 289 00:13:37,563 --> 00:13:38,360 Yes! 290 00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:41,564 You've got a secret, and only the pillow can know. 291 00:13:41,673 --> 00:13:42,572 Wash yourself. 292 00:13:42,675 --> 00:13:45,580 Wash your whole body and your armpits and under your boobs. 293 00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:48,154 Amy! Oh, no! There's a spider in your hair! 294 00:13:48,255 --> 00:13:49,588 There's a spider in your hair! 295 00:13:49,692 --> 00:13:51,172 - No! - There's a spider in your hair! 296 00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:53,758 Get it out! Yes! 297 00:13:53,869 --> 00:13:55,965 We have our shot, that's a wrap. 298 00:13:56,074 --> 00:13:57,133 You were amazing. 299 00:13:57,244 --> 00:13:58,576 Yoko! 300 00:13:58,681 --> 00:14:01,278 Unplug everything, we're gonna burn this rat's nest down. 301 00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:02,583 You were so great. 302 00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:04,923 I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to run downtown. 303 00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:06,328 I have to shoot Diane Keaton 304 00:14:06,432 --> 00:14:08,768 bottomless with a turtleneck like an hour ago. 305 00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:09,931 I'm sure you understand. 306 00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:13,447 Oh, my God. I just don't know how to thank you. 307 00:14:13,549 --> 00:14:15,486 Just get fucked. 308 00:14:17,058 --> 00:14:18,459 Bonsoir. 309 00:14:33,932 --> 00:14:36,233 Anybody ever ask you to send them sexy pictures? 310 00:14:36,337 --> 00:14:38,706 I might be a victim. 311 00:14:38,809 --> 00:14:41,042 Oh, shit. I'm definitely... 312 00:14:41,149 --> 00:14:43,746 Whoever I send sexy pictures to, they're the victim. 313 00:14:43,855 --> 00:14:45,347 What do they ask for? 314 00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:47,172 We're trying to, like, get a general consensus 315 00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:49,531 of, like, what kind of sexy pics guys ask for. 316 00:14:49,635 --> 00:14:51,036 Um... 317 00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:53,907 I guess ass and titties? I don't know. 318 00:14:54,012 --> 00:14:56,382 Ass and titties. Ass, ass, and titties. 319 00:14:56,485 --> 00:14:58,547 Has a guy ever asked you to send him a sexy pic? 320 00:14:58,657 --> 00:15:00,058 Yes. 321 00:15:00,161 --> 00:15:01,220 - Yeah. - Did you? 322 00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:03,425 It takes like a hundred shots to get the right one. 323 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,580 You should just do what I do. 324 00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:07,076 Only do it without your head in them. 325 00:15:07,178 --> 00:15:08,647 - Yes, yes. - Right? 326 00:15:08,748 --> 00:15:10,445 - What are you? - Pisces. 327 00:15:10,552 --> 00:15:13,252 - No, I mean, what race? - Turkish. 328 00:15:13,358 --> 00:15:15,438 Did you ever send a picture of your penis to anybody? 329 00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:17,632 No. 330 00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:20,766 That is such a yes! Oh, my gosh. 331 00:15:20,877 --> 00:15:22,517 I caved in. It was too much peer pressure. 332 00:15:22,581 --> 00:15:23,480 I had to do it. 333 00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:25,023 Why, she was like, "Send me a picture 334 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,452 of your Turkish delight?" 335 00:15:26,557 --> 00:15:27,456 Pretty much. 336 00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,723 I've never sent a sexy picture of myself. 337 00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:31,300 You've never sent somebody a picture 338 00:15:31,401 --> 00:15:32,232 of your boobs or anything? 339 00:15:32,338 --> 00:15:34,969 - No. God, no. Never. - What about your butthole? 340 00:15:35,077 --> 00:15:38,245 You know, I don't think I've ever even seen my butthole. 341 00:15:38,352 --> 00:15:40,880 You've never seen your butthole? 342 00:15:40,992 --> 00:15:41,721 No. 343 00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:43,592 Can I just tell you something? Don't look. 344 00:15:43,697 --> 00:15:45,327 Have you ever... You and your boyfriend 345 00:15:45,435 --> 00:15:47,268 ever send sext messages to each other? 346 00:15:47,373 --> 00:15:48,273 Yes. 347 00:15:48,376 --> 00:15:49,922 Has he ever sent you a picture of his dick? 348 00:15:49,946 --> 00:15:51,917 - Yes. - Do you like it? 349 00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,018 Uhh. 350 00:16:02,008 --> 00:16:04,070 - Kristin, you are a stripper. - Yes. 351 00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,660 And how long have you been doing that? 352 00:16:05,717 --> 00:16:06,810 About two and a half years. 353 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,223 What was the first time you stripped like? 354 00:16:10,328 --> 00:16:11,558 I went on stage 355 00:16:11,664 --> 00:16:15,002 and I was, like, clinging to the pole, 356 00:16:15,106 --> 00:16:16,131 awkwardly dancing. 357 00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,241 Just awkward. 358 00:16:17,345 --> 00:16:18,507 Well, how did you know... 359 00:16:18,614 --> 00:16:20,481 Like, if I were to try to pole-dance, 360 00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:22,955 I would not know the first thing to do. 361 00:16:23,058 --> 00:16:24,771 It would probably look like I was vacuuming. 362 00:16:24,795 --> 00:16:26,959 I personally always clean the pole down 363 00:16:27,068 --> 00:16:28,195 before I go onstage. 364 00:16:28,304 --> 00:16:29,744 Why don't they have somebody do that? 365 00:16:29,774 --> 00:16:30,970 I don't know. They should. 366 00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:32,724 It takes a little bit of the mystique out of it 367 00:16:32,748 --> 00:16:33,808 to see a girl, like... 368 00:16:33,917 --> 00:16:34,816 Right? 369 00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:36,433 - Wiping the pole. - Like, cleaning it. 370 00:16:36,457 --> 00:16:37,857 - Like it's an elliptical. - Right. 371 00:16:37,961 --> 00:16:41,457 So how much do you feel like you have to manipulate guys? 372 00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:42,949 Like, how much is that a part of it? 373 00:16:42,973 --> 00:16:44,875 It's a huge part of it, actually. 374 00:16:44,977 --> 00:16:47,882 Like, they want someone to give them attention and like them. 375 00:16:47,985 --> 00:16:49,852 The best stripper who makes the most money, 376 00:16:49,955 --> 00:16:52,222 how many guys do you think are out there in the world 377 00:16:52,328 --> 00:16:53,227 in love with her? 378 00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:55,027 Probably quite a few. 379 00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:57,504 I would say pushing between 40 and 50. 380 00:16:57,607 --> 00:16:58,506 Wow. 381 00:16:58,609 --> 00:17:00,273 And how many did you have at the most? 382 00:17:00,381 --> 00:17:01,542 Almost 20. 383 00:17:01,650 --> 00:17:02,710 Like 20 guys that 384 00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:04,980 probably almost thought you were like their girlfriend. 385 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:05,787 Yeah. 386 00:17:05,893 --> 00:17:08,798 Like, they would bring you gifts and jewelry and flowers. 387 00:17:08,901 --> 00:17:11,464 And one guy started crying in the champagne room 388 00:17:11,574 --> 00:17:13,772 'cause he wanted me to, like, meet his mom. 389 00:17:13,879 --> 00:17:16,613 I'm like, "No. No. That's where we draw the line." 390 00:17:16,719 --> 00:17:18,883 - Yeah. - Yeah. 391 00:17:18,992 --> 00:17:21,725 Um, does your boyfriend have a pencil beard? 392 00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,665 No. 393 00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:25,068 Does he wear a lot of, like, 394 00:17:25,173 --> 00:17:27,668 collared shirts with a lot of stripes? 395 00:17:27,779 --> 00:17:29,773 Yes. Yes. 396 00:17:29,885 --> 00:17:32,790 What's the oldest guy you ever gave a lap dance to? 397 00:17:32,892 --> 00:17:34,361 Um, I think he was like 97. 398 00:17:34,462 --> 00:17:36,991 His sons brought him in for his birthday, 399 00:17:37,102 --> 00:17:39,198 and they had to, like, wheel him in. 400 00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:40,833 Yeah. 401 00:17:40,944 --> 00:17:42,607 You gave a lap dance in the wheelchair? 402 00:17:42,714 --> 00:17:44,378 It was so awkward. Yes. 403 00:17:44,486 --> 00:17:45,798 Well, I didn't even want to do it, 404 00:17:45,822 --> 00:17:47,816 but my manager was just like, "Follow me." 405 00:17:47,928 --> 00:17:50,399 And I'm like "I know where is this going." 406 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,562 - To the wheelchair. - Yes, exactly. 407 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,666 He had a catheter attached to him. 408 00:17:56,782 --> 00:17:58,547 Walk me through that. 409 00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:01,820 So there's like a squishy little bag, 410 00:18:01,927 --> 00:18:05,766 and I'm like, "Oh, my God. Is that really?" 411 00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:07,863 And I'm sort of examining, I'm like, "Oh, no. 412 00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:09,912 Yes, it is." 413 00:18:10,013 --> 00:18:12,349 It was disgusting. 414 00:18:12,453 --> 00:18:14,184 When people find out that you strip, 415 00:18:14,290 --> 00:18:16,557 what's the first thing that they assume? 416 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,602 Um, they associate it with, like, prostitution 417 00:18:19,703 --> 00:18:21,867 or, like, you're a whore or whatever, 418 00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:22,975 but that's not the case. 419 00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:23,911 You know what? 420 00:18:24,014 --> 00:18:26,451 I really would bet anything 421 00:18:26,552 --> 00:18:28,250 that I'm a bigger whore than you. 422 00:18:29,493 --> 00:18:32,091 I would... I could give you a real run for your money. 423 00:18:32,199 --> 00:18:33,793 Are you ever just, like, dancing for fun 424 00:18:33,903 --> 00:18:35,498 and you feel like it's not fair 425 00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:36,854 and people should be paying you? 426 00:18:36,878 --> 00:18:38,939 Yeah, I was with a girl that I don't like 427 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:40,917 and we actually got stuck in an elevator. 428 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,834 The fire department had to come and get us out. 429 00:18:42,858 --> 00:18:44,906 We had to, like, crawl, 'cause it was, like, unlevel, 430 00:18:44,930 --> 00:18:46,530 and we had to, like, boost each other up. 431 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,499 Wow. 432 00:18:47,602 --> 00:18:49,250 We're like fighting the whole time back and forth. 433 00:18:49,274 --> 00:18:51,768 I'm just like, "Get the fuck away from me." 434 00:18:51,879 --> 00:18:53,713 Like, yeah. 435 00:18:53,818 --> 00:18:55,812 Yeah, I guess I don't see 436 00:18:55,923 --> 00:18:57,563 how that relates to what I just asked you. 437 00:18:57,626 --> 00:18:58,626 - Yeah, no. - Okay. 438 00:18:58,730 --> 00:19:00,894 I just felt the need to share that story with everyone. 439 00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:03,336 Well, no, I mean, that sounds like a tough night. 440 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,674 What's the most you've ever made in a shift? 441 00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:07,511 I think it was like $2,800. 442 00:19:07,617 --> 00:19:09,679 - Wow. - Yeah. 443 00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:11,268 What's the least you ever made in a shift? 444 00:19:11,292 --> 00:19:13,422 The least was about three. 445 00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:14,531 - Three what? - Hundred. 446 00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:16,681 You don't want to go and, like, take your clothes off 447 00:19:16,773 --> 00:19:18,208 for like $300, so... 448 00:19:18,309 --> 00:19:21,511 I have done it for free so many times. 449 00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:24,215 I'm like, that sounds awesome. 450 00:19:24,323 --> 00:19:26,818 I have had people pay me to put my clothes back on. 451 00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:31,263 How do you commit to one person, though? 452 00:19:31,374 --> 00:19:33,106 How do you say yes to one person? 453 00:19:33,212 --> 00:19:36,276 Like, for me, as I get older, the sex that I'm into changes. 454 00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:37,285 It does. 455 00:19:37,389 --> 00:19:39,792 Like, I used to sleep with mostly Hispanic guys, 456 00:19:39,894 --> 00:19:42,331 but now I just prefer consensual. 457 00:19:47,345 --> 00:19:50,284 We've all been a little raped, okay? 458 00:19:50,386 --> 00:19:53,416 Just a skosh. Just a hair. 459 00:19:53,527 --> 00:19:57,127 Every girl I know has one night, usually in college, 460 00:19:57,236 --> 00:19:59,332 and she's like, "Huh..." 461 00:20:02,782 --> 00:20:04,046 "I think that was rape." 462 00:20:09,098 --> 00:20:10,567 "Not totes consensh. 463 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:15,077 I, uh, don't remember yelling 'yes."' 464 00:20:15,178 --> 00:20:19,085 And it's not all black and white. 465 00:20:19,188 --> 00:20:21,591 There's a gray area of rape. 466 00:20:21,694 --> 00:20:24,258 Like, you've been "graped." I can tell. 467 00:20:25,971 --> 00:20:29,035 Grape happens. What do you want me to say? 468 00:20:31,651 --> 00:20:33,177 All right, three pinots. 469 00:20:33,288 --> 00:20:34,689 I guess that makes me the umpire. 470 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,763 One, two, three pinots, and I'm out. 471 00:20:36,863 --> 00:20:38,276 All right, I guess that makes me Gepetto 472 00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:40,932 and my three "Pinot-cchios"! 473 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,480 If I were you, I'd go with a pitcher. 474 00:20:42,510 --> 00:20:43,911 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 475 00:20:46,353 --> 00:20:47,553 All right, I'm cool, I'm cool. 476 00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:04,989 Thanks, girl. 477 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,865 All my old pills that I spit are in there. 34401

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