Original subtitles

(light music)

- Uncle Martin!

- Tim, please.

I'm trying to concentrate two ways at one time.

(mysterious music)

Ah, gin.

Well, you can't win 'em both.

(audience laughing)

Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?

- Nothing, nothing.

It's just that I heard on my car radio

that an unidentified flying object was just spotted.

(laughing)

- Every time some child's toy balloon

floats away, you Earthlings insist you're

being invaded by creatures from another planet.

- (laughing) Yeah, Uncle Martin.

- Yeah?

- That toy balloon, it was traveling

25,000 miles an hour.

- 25,000 miles an hour!

Are you sure?

- At least that's what the Air Force

released to all the press services.

- 25,000 miles an hour.

(dramatic music)

- What's this Martian gizmo?

- This is a microkinetic infraradarscope.

I built it quite some time ago

to check on any spacecraft that might

come looking for me.

After a while, I began thinking they

gave up on me, so I gave up with it.

(pulsing music)

It's a spacecraft all right.

No toy balloon that.

Tim,

Tim, there's no doubt about it.

- You mean...

Do you mean that's a spaceship from another planet?

- Not just another spaceship, Tim.

This one is from Mars!

(crescendoing music)

(light music)

(antennae beeping)

(investigative music)

The ship should be right around here.

- Yeah, well shouldn't the Air Force know that too?

- Your Air Force equipment can only ascertain

the general area the ship came down in.

It'll take them a while to pinpoint the exact spot.

(equipment buzzing)

(curious music)

- Wow.

What a mess, and I thought women drivers were bad.

- I must admit, the pilot did seem

to lack landing experience.

- Hey wait a minute, wait a minute.

Don't you think you oughta find out if

well, whoever's in there is friendly

before you open it up?

- Tim, this is a Martian ship.

- It is?

How do you know?

It doesn't look anything like yours.

- Undoubtedly an advanced style,

but a Martian ship nevertheless,

and all Martians are friendly.

Take my word for it.

- Well, I just hope those aren't famous last words.

(mysterious music)

- I don't believe it.

- What's the matter?

- The pilot.

- You know him?

- That is quite an understatement.

I know him only too well.

That is my 11-year-old nephew, Andromeda.

(gentle music)

- I got some clothes for him so he won't

have to wear that space suit around.

I hope they fit.

He's still out, huh?

- Yeah, well at the rate of speed he was traveling,

hitting Earth wasn't like receiving a gentle

tap on the forehead.

Fortunately, he was protected by a force

field in the cockpit.

- At the speed he was traveling, he's lucky

he hit the brakes.

He could've gone clear through to China.

Say, isn't Andromeda a funny name for a boy?

- He was born in the constellation Andromeda.

- Oh.

Wasn't that named after a Greek goddess?

- My sister and brother in law were expecting a little girl.

- Ah, well,

it's nice to know that there are some things

that Martians can't control.

(Andromeda groaning)

- Uncle Exegious!

- Andromeda!

- Boy, it's sure good to see you again.

- I feel the same way.

I haven't seen you since you were about that high.

- How did you find me?

- More important right now, how did you get here?

- Well, uh,

I borrowed Dad's ship to take out for a little spin,

and the next thing I knew, I got caught

in this cosmic storm.

- Which threw you out of orbit?

- Uh huh.

I didn't have enough fuel left to climb

back through it, so I headed for Earth,

figuring you could get me and Dad's ship back to...

Uh oh.

Dad's ship.

How is it?

- Completely destroyed, except for what

you had in the cockpit.

I disintegrated what pieces were left of the wreckage.

- Oh boy, am I gonna get it when I

get back home to Mars.

(throat clearing)

- Uh Uncle Martin.

- Who's he?

- Oh, forgive me, Tim.

Andromeda, I want you to meet Tim O'Hara.

He is my host and my friend here on Earth.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Say, how come he called you Uncle Martin?

- That's my name on this planet.

- What's wrong with Exegious 12 1/2?

(audience laughing)

- Well, it's not very euphonious with O'Hara.

- What Tim is trying to say is,

well, things here on Earth aren't all

they're cracked up to be.

- You mean, you're not a big hero?

Didn't they give you a big parade and everything

when you came down?

- Well (throat clearing) not exactly.

You see, actually, Tim is the only one

who knows that I'm down here.

- How come?

- Well, your uncle thought it would be best

to keep it a secret.

- Why?

After all, Uncle Exegious, it's just--

- I think you'd better get in the habit

of calling me Uncle Martin.

- You've gone Earth?

Are you ashamed you're a Martian?

- No.

No, of course not.

It's just that most Earthmen don't accept

interplanetary visitors that readily.

That's why as long as you're down here,

you will have to behave and dress like an Earthling.

In fact, I think we should shorten your name to Andy.

- Andy?

Yeck, not a Venusian's chance.

My name's Andromeda, and I'm not wearing

any Earthling's clothes.

- Now Andy, I think you should listen

to your Uncle Martin.

- His name's Exegious, and mine's Andromeda, not Andy.

- You are going to have to put those clothes on.

- Uh uh.

(antenna rising)

- He's only got one antenna.

- Yes, he lost his baby antenna.

So far, only one of his adult antennae has grown in.

Andy!

You come back here this instant!

- [Andy] Uh uh.

(mysterious music)

- Oh no, you don't.

(mysterious music)

Now, you're not getting out of this room

until you do as I say!

- [Andy] You've got to catch me first.

- [Tim] There he is!

- Don't waste your time, Tim.

You'll never catch him that way.

(antennae rising)

(magical music)

(mocking music)

Oh, there you are.

Andy, put down that chair.

- [Andy] Uh uh.

- [Martin] Andy!

- Now listen, Andy, you have to do just

as your uncle says.

Now you let go!

- [Andy] Okay.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin.

- [Martin] Tim?

- Hmm?

- [Martin] If you want to be of help, don't help.

Just do one thing for me.

- What's that?

- [Martin] Move your left foot.

You're standing on my hand.

- Oh, sorry about that.

Here lemme help you up.

Uncle Martin, I got him!

I got him!

(antennae retracting)

- [Andy] You can't make me wear those clothes

and change my name!

I won't do it!

I won't!

- Andy, you pop right back on.

- [Andy] Uh uh!

I won't do it!

I won't!

(knocking) - Yoo hoo, Martin, Tim!

It's me, Lorelei!

- Tim, help me get him in the bedroom, quickly.

Be right with you, Lorelei.

- [Andy] I won't do it.

You can't make me!

I won't do it!

(frantic music)

- Tim, the clothing, quickly, the clothing.

Oh, no you don't, get back in there.

- Tim!

Goodness gracious, what's going on up here,

all that noise?

- Noise?

We were moving furniture.

- Out of the apartment with the rest

of your belongings, I hope.

- Brennan.

- His ability to make quick, positive

identifications is fantastic.

- But what did you move?

Everything seems to be where it always was.

- Yes, well we changed it,

and then we changed it back.

- Odd, that simply moving some furniture around

should make one's face such a mask of guilt.

- Oh now, Bill, what should Tim feel guilty about?

- Exactly what I'd like to know.

As Shakespeare said, "The thief doth fear

"each bush and officer."

- [Martin] I believe that quote began,

"Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind," Brennan.

- Oh well, now, whom do we have here?

- Oh, good afternoon, Lorelei.

This is my nephew, Andy.

Andy, this is Mrs. Brown and Detective Brennan.

- It's nice to meet you, Andy.

- The name's Andromeda.

- Androme--

- It's his nickname, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh.

- Where are you from, son?

- Mars.

- Mars?

- Mars, Ohio.

It's a small town, not too many people know about it.

- That's not true.

- Andy's very proud of his hometown,

and he thinks it's better known than it really is.

- Of course he is.

I would be too, if I knew where it was.

- What about his mother and father?

- Oh, they're up there.

- Up there.

Oh, the poor child.

Well, we'll make sure that you have a real good

home right away, won't we?

- Now, just a moment, Lorelei.

I'm not at all sure the O'Haras can provide

the proper parental background for the boy.

- Why, Bill, how can you say a thing like that?

- Oh it's easy, when you have a big mouth.

(audience laughing)

- As a law enforcement officer, O'Hara,

I have a duty to the community at large,

including waifs, orphans and foundlings.

- I'm not a waif or an orphan,

and I'm not lost, so I can't be a foundling.

I'm a Martian, from the planet Mars.

Just watch me if you don't believe me.

(mysterious music) (laughing)

- Did you hear that, Lorelei?

O'Hara's already infected the lad with that

lunatic imagination.

- Oh Bill, he's just playing.

- I am not!

Just look at me disappear.

- [Bill] I'm sorry, Lorelei, but I feel it is

my duty to call in a social worker.

- [Lorelei] You'll do no such think, Bill Brennan.

- But Lorelei.

- Martin and Tim have every right to raise

their own kin, and besides, I'll be right here

every minute to help them.

- Oh well, Lorelei, maybe we won't need you every minute.

- Well, I suppose there isn't too much harm

in trying it, but the moment I find that boy

isn't getting the proper food, keeping good hours,

going to school, I'm calling in the social services.

Shall we go, Lorelei?

- I'm sure you'll be a real little angel.

(light music)

- I'm not an angel.

I'm a Martian.

I'm a Martian!

(gentle music)

- So you know something, Uncle Martin,

when you get to know him, Andy's really

a pretty nice boy.

- He is a nice boy, but he's still a boy,

even though he's 97 years old.

(audience laughing)

- 97 years old!

Oh come on, you're putting me on.

I distinctly remember your telling me he was 11.

- 11 Martian years, 97 Earth years.

- Well if he's 97 years old,

why does he act the way he does?

- Martians don't reach full maturity

until their 150th birthday.

Scientifically, Andy is well in advance

of any Earthman, but emotionally,

he's still a child.

Now Andy, pouting isn't going to help.

I realize it's difficult for you to understand,

but you're just going to have to trust your Uncle Martin.

- Sure, you'll like school, Andy.

It's a lot of fun.

You just have to take my word for it.

- I've already graduated magna cum laude

from four universities.

- Oh.

Well.

A little extra education never hurt anyone.

(audience laughing)

- Andy, believe me, I'm just as proud

of being a Martian as you are,

but this isn't the right time to tell anybody,

and until that right time comes, you are just

going to have to cooperate.

Now what do you say?

- Well, if you say so.

Okay.

- Good night, Andy.

- Good night, Andy.

- Good night, and don't worry.

I'll do whatever you say.

(bright music)

- Uncle Martin, I'm back!

- Andy give you any trouble?

- He couldn't be better.

Look, he's all enrolled, and when I left

the school, you couldn't've seen a happier

or more cooperative child in the classroom.

He's a regular ray of sunshine.

- Uh huh, well, as the Arabs used to say,

too much sunshine can turn a garden into a desert.

(mysterious music)

- Aren't you being just a little mistrustful

of your own nephew's integrity, hmm?

- Tim, children the universe over can rationalize

away any promise they make by simply standing

on a crack and saying it doesn't count

or hundreds of other ways.

I just wanna check and make sure.

(mysterious music)

Hmm.

Hmm, I'm getting some sort of interference.

- Well, don't tell me the old mind reader is slipping.

- No, he's using some newly developed technique

that I can't cope with.

- Well, it just goes to show ya how much

you can miss when you're gone for a coupla years.

What are you looking for?

- Andy's space suit.

You check the bedroom while I look around out here.

- All right.

No, it's not in there.

- And not in here.

There's only one place it can be.

- You mean he wore it to school?

(frantic music)

- Now I realize you're new in this school, Andy,

but you can't wear your play clothes to class.

- They're not my play clothes.

They're my regular clothes.

Back home, I wear them all the time.

(students laughing)

- Well how your parents let you dress

around the house is their concern,

but here, you'll have to dress just like

all the other children.

- But I'm not one of the other children.

I'm a Martian.

(students laughing)

- Class, children, now settle down.

Now Andy, I'm not one to stifle a fertile imagination,

but there is a time and place.

- That's what my uncle said,

but he's ashamed to admit he's a Martian, and I'm not.

(students laughing)

- Shh, shh, shh.

Class.

- Okay, you're all so smart.

I'll prove it to you.

Don't believe I'm a Martian, huh?

- Andy.

(mysterious music)

- You think that's something.

Watch me rearrange the molecular structure of that desk.

(mysterious music)

(teacher screaming)

- He is a Martian!

- You bet I am.

I can even disappear.

(audience laughing)

- Oh pardon me, I'm looking for my nephew Andy.

- Hi, Uncle Exegious.

- It's an invasion!

Run, children, run!

(students screaming)

- Don't touch her, I'll shoot.

(water squirting)

(audience laughing)

- Look, you better run up the old antennae

and get Andy out of here.

I'll take care of her.

- An excellent suggestion.

(mysterious music)

(springy music)

Oh no.

- Well don't just stand there drooping, beat it!

- They ran away.

They were afraid of me.

- I tried to warn you that this would happen,

but you wouldn't listen.

- Tell 'em to come back.

Tell 'em we're friendly.

- We know that we are, but I doubt if you

can convince them of that right now.

(sirens wailing)

(mysterious music)

We'll meet you in the car, Tim.

- O'Hara of the Daily Sun.

They went out that window,

and the teacher, you better take care of her.

She's pretty shook up.

(sirens wailing)

Oh, that's the old ballgame.

They've got the place surrounded.

- Yeah, and discovered my spaceship,

eliminating our only means of escape.

- Can't we freeze 'em temporarily

while we grab the ship?

- No, no, not until we know what steps

Tim's government has taken to ensure our apprehension.

We've got to get into the apartment and to the TV set

so that I can monitor them.

- Oh come on, you can't go out looking like that.

They'll fill you so full of holes,

they'll have to send you back to Mars

in a loose-leaf notebook.

Now how are you gonna disappear?

Can you at all?

- I'm afraid not.

- But I can.

You two slip into the house while I distract 'em.

- Andy, no, no, come back here.

- Hey, betcha can't catch me!

* Nah, nah, na, nah, nah.

(mysterious music)

- He couldn't've vanished, where is he?

- I'm getting too old for this sort of thing.

(knocking)

- [Andy] Hey open up, will ya?

- Ha!

- Okay, you can close the door now.

- Two years of this, and I still can't get used to it.

(audience laughing)

(suspenseful music)

- I don't know how good a reception I'll get

with only one antenna, but here it goes.

We'll try the Air Force bases first.

(strong music)

They're putting everything up that can fly.

I'm afraid that eliminates an aerial escape.

Let's see what they're doing with the ground forces.

(exciting music)

- I'm, I'm sorry, Uncle Exeg, Uncle Martin.

- I'm afraid we're past the name-calling

stage now, Andy.

- Boy, you can say that again.

I'm afraid we've had it this time.

- Tim,

Tim, that's it.

Time, the one barrier we can escape through.

By setting the dial to the time machine

just before Andy left for school--

- All this will never have happened.

- One false move, and I'd appreciate it, O'Hara.

Or should I say Martian?

- Bill Brennan, you put that gun down this instant.

You know children shouldn't be exposed to violence!

- Lorelei, for goodness sake, that child

is a Martian, and so is O'Hara,

or whatever his Martian name is.

- Exegious 12 1/2.

- Oh, Martian smartian.

What difference does it make as long as

they're decent, respectable people?

- They've probably come down here to take over our world.

- In the state it's in, who'd want it?

(audience laughing)

- I'll get to you later, Benedict O'Hara.

What is that thing you're holding?

- Believe it or not, Brennan, it is a time machine.

- You mean a time bomb.

Hand it over, and make it fast.

Get out of here, Lorelei, before it blows up!

- Oh Bill, don't be silly.

Martin wouldn't blow anything up.

He's too orderly a person.

- O'Hara, hand me that bomb or I'll fire!

- You will do no such thing, Bill Brennan.

- [Bill] Lorelei! (mysterious music)

- Well thank you very much, Mrs. Brown.

We'll talk to you later.

(energetic music)

(coughing)

(magical music)

Uncle Martin, you did it.

We're back in time.

- Time, that reminds me, you'd better hurry,

or you're going to be late for your first day at school.

(light music)

- I think I'd better leave this here at home, Uncle Martin.

With all due respect, Cousin Tim,

your people here are very insecure.

(happy music)

Gosh, Uncle Martin, home and places

and people we know seem so far away.

- True, Andy, but that's only because what

we see up there is familiar to us.

To people on Earth, the night sky is strange and mysterious.

And most Earthlings fear anything or anybody

that appears strange and different from themselves.

- And they don't even have to be from another planet.

- When will the time come when we can

tell 'em we're Martians?

- I'm afraid even our most advanced computers

couldn't pinpoint the exact date,

but we're getting there.

We're getting there, slowly, slowly but surely.

Time for bed.

- Okay.

Good night, Uncle Martin, Cousin Tim.

- Good night, Andy.

Well I guess Andy learned one lesson here on Earth.

- His first, but he's got many more to learn.

In the interim, let's hope we don't all

flunk the course.

(light music)

(deep music)