All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S03E11.The.Time.Machine.Is.Waking.Up.That.Old.Gang.of.Mine.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(ominous orchestral music)

- Oh, good morning,
Uncle Martin.

You been working on the
time machine all night?

- All night, Tim.

- Oh. (yawns)

Pardon me.

Did you visit any
interesting places?

- Well, I went to
Milan in the year 1450,

(audience laughs)

to consult with
Leonardo da Vinci.

- Oh, yeah.

That's the guy that
painted the Mona Lisa.

- And first developed the
principles of human flight.

I got an answer from
him to a question

that has been puzzling
the experts for centuries.

- What was that?

- He was tickling her feet.

(audience laughs)

- (laughs)

You Martians and
your sense of humor.

- Well at least I
succeeded in waking you up.

(audience laughs)

Actually, Tim, the
machine is stuck.

- Stuck?

- Yes.

The time, 1870.

The place, the
state of Missouri,

and that wouldn't help me.

I want to go back to the time

and the place just
before my crash occurred

so that I can see
what went wrong.

- Well, good luck.

Say, Uncle Martin.

Next time you visit
Leonardo, would you ask him

to remind you to plug in the
coffee pot when you get back?

So that when your
nephew wakes up,

he can have a nice,
hot cup of coffee.

(audience laughs)

- No, no, don't, Tim!

(explosion)

(audience laughs)

- What happened?

- The short circuit
in that coffee pot

reversed the directional beam.

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but aren't you two
gentlemen from Missouri?

- That's right.

- How'd you know?

- And the year is 1870?

- It was a minute ago.

(audience laughs)

(spooky space music)

- I was afraid of that.

Tim, I want you to meet
two very famous brothers,

Frank and Jesse James.

- Well how do you do?

I'm pleased to meet...

(audience laughs)

Did you say Jesse James?

(intense orchestral music)

- And that thing he's got in
his hand is not a trumpet.

(audience laughs)

("My Favorite Martian Theme")

Now, Mr. James...

- Call me Jesse.

- Now, I realize I placed
you and your brother

in a very embarrassing
situation.

- Now how do you
mean that, Mister?

- Well, you see, this
is just not your world.

You've been dead for
a very long time.

- I have?

- About 100 years.

- (laughs) I thought
it'd be hotter...

(audience laughs)

That's a funny thing to
call a nice place like this.

(audience laughs)

- No, this is the United
States 100 years later.

But don't worry, I can
take you right back

to where you belong.

Frank.

- You want me?

- Will you bring me that machine

that's sitting on
the kitchen table?

- Uh, yes, sir.

(audience laughs)

- Frank's a good boy.

I promised Ma I'd
look out for him.

Alright, Mister, you say you
can get us back to Missouri.

- I certainly can just as soon

as Frank brings in that machine.

- That's bread
stickin' outta there.

(audience laughs)

- Well you must've caught
it at feedin' time.

(audience laughs)

- The blame thing
has two mouths,

and it's tail was
stuck in the wall.

(audience laughs)

- Alright, Mister.

How do you aim to get us
back to Missouri on that?

- No, no, Jesse, that's
the wrong machine.

- Oh, I know which
machine you mean.

- I'm beginning to think I
should've brought back Nero.

At least we could've had
music while the toast burned.

(audience laughs)

- Alright, Mister, how
does this thing work?

- Well, it's all set.

All I have to do is to
have you and Frank stand

in front of it, push
that switch down,

and you'll be back in
Missouri in a flash.

- Hey.

This is handy as a
pocket in a shirt.

(audience laughs)

Yeah.

There's just one trouble.

- What is that?

- We don't wanna go back.

- What?

- What?

- What?!

- But thank you kindly for
showing us what not to do.

- But...

- Frank, step into
the kitchen with me.

We got some confabbin' to do.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- You fellas keep
comfortable, hear?

- Alright, Uncle
Martin, do something.

Levitate the gun or
the time machine.

- Tim, these men are experts.

I can't even wiggle
my levitating finger.

(audience laughs)

Let's see if we can stand up.

(audience laughs)

(knocking at door)

- Yoohoo!

Anybody home?

- No, no, no!

- What on Earth!

(ominous music)

- Alright, lady, inside.

Come on over there.

And you fellas, come
on back to the divan.

Let's move, come on.

- Okay, hippity hop.

Hippity hop!

- Martin?

Tim?

Is this a hold up?

- Well thus far,
Lorelei, the exact nature

of the activity has
not manifested itself;

however, you would be well
advised not to make waves.

- Alright, y'all sit down.

I got somethin'
I wanna tell you.

(sultry orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

- Pardon me, ma'am.

Did you know somebody's cut off

the whole bottom
half of your skirt?

(audience laughs)

- That's the way
they wear them now.

- Golly.

Where you put the hoops?

(audience laughs)

- Perhaps I should break
it to you, Mrs. Brown.

These two gentlemen are Jesse
James and his brother Frank.

- Oh, Jesse.

Frank.

(audience laughs)

Jesse James?!

- I'll explain it later.

- But I thought they were dead.

- I thought we were too.

(audience laughs)

- Unfortunately,
they're very much alive.

- And mighty anxious
to get back to work.

- We're gonna hold
up Santa Fe again.

- Again?

- We tried it once,
and things went wrong.

- It ain't often fellas get
a second chance like this.

- You'll never get away with it.

- Gettin' away with it is
going to be the easiest part,

what with this
little fella here.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- What do you know about that?

- Well, don't you remember?

You showed us.

- Can I take her with me, Jesse?

- Sure.

She can help carry the money.

(audience laughs)

- Martin, you've
got to stop them.

- Now, don't panic, Mrs.
Brown, we'll do something.

- You ain't gonna do nothin'!

You ain't even gonna
be able to find us!

We ain't gonna stop
in Missouri in 1870.

- What are we gonna do, Jess?

- Frank, there's a heap of money

and gold and everything
else to be taken

when you got all the history
to do your robbin' in.

- You mean like that
Confederate gold

they said they had
down in Richmond.

- Oh, that's only a beginnin'.

From there, we go
back a few more years

to the Colonies and old King
George's tax collectors.

- Hey, yeah.

- And then...

Then there's that Midas fella.

(audience laughs)

- And Salmon!

- Solomon!

- Oh, Solomon.

They said he married rich.

- Yeah.

(audience laughs)

- But how is it possible to...

- It's possible, Mrs. Brown.

(audience laughs)

It's possible.

(car engine)

- They got Mrs. Brown.

- And her car.

And my time machine.

And they are about to lay
their hands on a cool fortune

if we don't get out
of here and stop them.

- Well how much
time have we got?

- That depends.

One can never quite
figure on women drivers,

and undoubtedly Lorelei
is behind the wheel

as neither Frank nor Jesse can
handle that horseless buggy.

(audience laughs)

- Any luck, Uncle Martin?

- I got the tip of
my levitating finger

to where I can move
it just a little.

Here.

Stand up behind me.

I'll see what I can do.

- Okay.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

Is it working?

- Yes...

But...

- But what?

- Rotten shot.

(audience laughs)

- Now, Tim, turn
around so I can get

at the knots on your hands.

(spooky space music)

(audience laughs)

Hurry up, Tim.

All history is at stake!

- Alright, now what do we do?

- Well you can
begin by untying me!

- Oh.

(audience laughs)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(audience laughs)

How are we ever
going to find them?

They've got an hour
head start on us.

- Tim, I can
possibly locate them

with my orbital sonarscope.

It's on the spaceship.

It sends out a pulsating signal

which rebounds off of
the object it's set for

and tells me how close I am.

- Oh, yes, well, how can
you set it specifically

for Mrs. Brown's car?

- It depends on certain
chemical elements being present.

- Oh.

Well, let's see, her car is made

of steel, glass,
aluminum, rubber, chrome.

- Well so is every
other car on the road.

No, what I need is something
unique in her particular car.

Tim, you were helping
Lorelei unload

some groceries from
the trunk yesterday.

What did she have in there?

- Well...

There was a jack.

- Everybody has one.

What else?

- Well, let's see...

There was an umbrella.

One driving glove.

Oh yeah, she had her
nephew's skateboard.

Oh, also an album of
old Rudy Vallee records.

(audience laughs)

- Tim, that's it.

- You mean your
orbital sonarscope
can get a fix on Rudy?

- No, no, no, the skateboard.

The ball bearings in skate
wheels contain vanadium.

- But you will zero in on a
half a million skateboards.

- But how many
skateboards are locked

in a steel receptacle
like a car trunk?

That closed air space will
alter the vanadium signal

just enough to make
it distinctive.

- Well, let's hurry or
that train's gonna be

in for one big shock!

- And that's not all.

If they get loose in history
with that time machine,

Mrs. Brown's picture will
be in every post office

from the Confederacy
to the Roman Empire!

(audience laughs)

(spooky space music)

- [Martin] Tim.

Tim O'Hara!

Do you read me?

- Uncle Martin, where are you?

- In the spaceship.

I'm transmitting on
mental telepathy audio.

- Oh.

Oh, yeah, well I have the map.

Any luck so far?

- Yes.

I have a fix on the car.

It's exactly 57 miles
southwest of where you are.

- Are you sure that's southwest?

- Right.

- Oh.

Well then it must've
been an awfully wet trip

because that's 25 miles out

in the Pacific on
Catalina Island.

(audience laughs)

- Sorry, Tim.

The cloud cover
confused me momentarily;

however, there can't
be too many skateboards

locked in auto trunks.

I'll try again and contact you.

(spooky space music)

- [Martin] Tim.

Oh Tim.

- Yes, Uncle Martin.

- I've just found them.

Just 11 miles due
east of where you are.

- Well, let's see...

That'll be the town
of Silver Spur.

Oh, incidentally, that's
right on the Santa Fe.

- Good.

I'll be right down.

- Well you better hurry
'cause there's a train due

through that area
in exactly one hour.

Yeah, I don't know what we're
gonna do when we get there,

but we better get there.

We haven't got
much time to waste.

Can you hear me?

(audience laughs)

- Loud and clear, Tim.

- Well then get down...

Uncle Martin, where
did you come from?

(audience laughs)

- For Heaven's sake, Tim, let's
not go into all that again.

- We off to Silver Spur?

- Wait a minute.

You hear that?

- What?

- Oh, I forgot.

Let me amplify it for you.

(sonar beeping)

- Well, I like the melody.

How do the lyrics go?

(audience laughs)

- Tim, those sounds mean there's

a railroad signal control
unit in this area.

Maybe we can stop that train.

Come on, Tim. Let's go.

(determined orchestral music)

- Well, there's no one here.

- I don't mind that,

but they've been inconsiderate
enough to lock the door.

(audience laughs)

- You know, Uncle
Martin, you're handier

to have around than a bobby pin?

- Nevermind the compliments.

We have work to do.

- Alright, you two!

Stand right where you are!

- I think he's talking to you.

- Who are you?

- Railroad security
patrol, that's who.

- Oh, well you're just
the man we're looking for.

Two men are gonna
hold up the train!

- Were going to
hold up the train.

- Oh, they still are!

You see, it's the James boys.

There's Jesse and there's...

- No, no, no.

(audience laughs)

- No, no, no.

- Oh, so you're the James boys.

Well, this is a pleasure.

Oh, let me introduce myself.

I'm Marshal Dillon.

(audience laughs)

There you are, gentlemen.

I'll just go get my coat,
and we'll be on our way.

- You know, techniques
for tying people

haven't changed
much in 90 years.

He trussed us up the same
way the James boys did.

(audience laughs)

- Except for one thing.

My levitating finger is free!

- Oh, well untie me!

- No time for that.

Hang on!

(spooky space music)

(audience laughs)

- Hey!

Hey!

Hey, you crooks!

Come back here!

(audience laughs)

("I've Been Working
On The Railroad")

- Do you realize
that we've spent

so much time tied up today

I don't know how to
act when I'm loose!

- Well you better figure it out.

We have less than 10 minutes
to get back Mrs. Brown

and the time machine and
send those James boys

packing off to Missouri.

(sneaky orchestral music)

- Well, I'm afraid it will
be easier for the boys

to lose themselves in a
Western town like this.

They'll look like all the
rest of the inhabitants.

- Except for one thing.

There are no other inhabitants.

This is a ghost town.

(spooky orchestral music)

- A ghost town?

Well then the train
won't be stopping here.

- Oh, when Jesse held up a train

it rarely had a scheduled stop.

- Well, you mean, you mean
they held up a moving train?

- No, it was just that Jesse
and his gang were so busy

setting up the road block,
or dynamiting the track,

that they didn't have time
to inform the railroad

so that they could
print a new schedule.

(audience laughs)

- Holy smoke, Uncle
Martin, then we've got...

Hey, look.

Well we know they're here.

- Mrs. Brown is still with them.

I'd recognize her
driving anywhere.

(audience laughs)

- Hey!

Look!

She managed to leave a note.

Help.

Jail.

- Tim, they're
holding her there.

- Well, let's go.

(ominous orchestral music)

I don't see her here.

Hey, look.

That looks like Frank's hat.

- I don't like this, Tim.

- Well, look, at least
we have the dynamite.

Now all we have
to do is hide it.

(cell door clinks)

What an idiot.

- Go ahead, Tim, kick the box.

It'll be empty.

- Sure is.

I'm on my way out to set
the charge right now.

You know, them trains
don't stop on their own.

- Thanks.

I've already had
all that explained.

- Frank, you keep
an eye on them.

- [Tim] Well what
about Mrs. Brown?

- Thinkin' about that note.

We made her write it.

- You haven't done
anything to her, have you?

- Well, mercy, no.

We gon' take her with us.

Gotta have something to show
for this trip 'sides money.

(audience laughs)

You two just make yourselves
comfortable there.

(ominous orchestral music)

- Uncle Martin, you've
gotta get outta here now.

Why don't you just disappear?

- I've been trying.

But being tied up cut
off my circulation,

and the lift valves in my
antenna elevators are stuck.

(audience laughs)

- Well this is a great time
for you to need a valve job.

(audience laughs)

Is there something you can do?

- There is a way I can get
the lubricant circulating

and free the valves,

but Frank out there might
think it was a little peculiar.

- You just go ahead and do it.

I'll take care of Frank.

(audience laughs)

- What's he doing that for?

- Frank, didn't
you ever get so mad

that you had to go
stand in a corner?

- Yeah, but I stood on my feet.

(audience laughs)

- Well that's the
problem, you see.

He is so mad that he doesn't
know which end is up.

(audience laughs)

- Oh.

You know what Jesse used to do

when he had to
stand in the corner?

He'd beat his head on the wall!

Like this.

(audience laughs)

(spooky space music)

(audience laughs)

Don't you know that
hurt like thunder?

I recall the time...

Hey!

Where'd he go?

Hey you get back here!

Where you hiding?

Hey!

Get back here!

(audience laughs)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Uncle Martin, help me!

He's trying to get out!

- It's me, Tim!

Let me out!

(audience laughs)

Come on, Tim.

We have to find Mrs. Brown.

(gun shots)

- Hey, I thought you
levitated Frank's gun.

- That's Jesse.

- Jesse?

But I thought Jesse was...

(gun shot)

(audience laughs)

Oh, I wish you
Martians carried guns.

Even by himself, Jesse
has the advantage.

- Yes, and he won't
be by himself long.

No doubt Frank has already
let himself out of that jail.

We'll just have
to use their guns.

Tim, try to draw their fire.

- Are you crazy!

(gun shots)

- Excellent.

All I needed was
something to record.

Alright, come and get us!

- Frank.

(gun shots)

(audience laughs)

- I hope you can keep playing
those shots over and over.

- Yes, but we need
something more lethal.

Duck into that
saloon over there,

and see if you can find anything

that can possibly be of help.

- Okay.

Cover me.

(gun shots)

- We gotta do somethin', Jesse.

Them shots is
gettin' mighty close.

That last one creased my hat.

(audience laughs)

- Frank, you don't
even have a hat on.

- Oh, that's even closer.

(audience laughs)

(gun shots)

- Nothing at all?

- Well, not unless
you want a bunch

of busted up old furniture

and a lot of old cowboy hats.

- The hats.

Get them and hurry.

That dynamite could
go off at any minute.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Frank, I'll tell you what.

You sneak over to the bank.

Get behind them.

That way we can catch
them in a crossfire.

- I got ya.

(gun shots)

(audience laughs)

(spooky space music)

- Jesse, look!

(gun shot)

(audience laughs)

- Alright, so
there's three of 'em.

We've taken on more than that.

- Jesse, there is
more than that.

Look!

(gun shots)

- Tim, do you notice
anything peculiar?

- Yeah.

Yeah, they've stopped shooting.

Mrs. Brown!

Get down.

- Oh, it's alright, Martin.

They let me go.

They said you'll
never catch them.

They're going back to Missouri.

- Well, thank goodness
they didn't take you.

- Oh, it was close, but
then Jesse reminded Frank

that he was a married man.

(audience laughs)

Martin, I don't understand.

Am I dreaming or something?

- Unfortunately,
you're wide awake,

but there's no time
to explain now.

You just stay here.

Tim, let's get the time machine.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Well, they're gone alright.

- And the time machine
looks undamaged.

- Don't touch that or you
won't be undamaged long.

(audience laughs)

Tie 'em up, Frank.

- Oh, not again!

- Yep.

That dynamite we fixed
over there is about

to go off any minute,

and we got us some
train holdin' up to do.

(gun shot)

- Oh, Jesse.

Why did you do it?

- What?

Oh.

Oh!

Oh, Jesse!

- I, I didn't do it!

There must be somebody
else shootin'!

(explosion)

(audience laughs)

- Uncle Martin, the dynamite.

Quick! We've gotta find it!

- Yeah, there's no time.

Look.

(train horn)

(audience laughs)

- Wow, that was quick
thinking, but...

But I don't understand.

Why didn't the dynamite go off?

- Very simple.

For those few moments,

I turned the train
back to the year 1866.

- Oh.

What difference does that make?

- Tim, my boy, if you
had studied your history,

you would know that
Alfred Nobel and I

did not invent dynamite
until the year 1867.

(audience laughs)

- (sighs) Martin, those
steaks were magnificent.

Simply gorgeous.

- I second the motion.

Yes, sir, you really put your
brand on them steaks, pardner.

(audience laughs)

- (coughs) Please, Tim.

Let's let the
sleeping dogies lie.

(audience laughs)

- I'm gonna get a little more

of that good coffee
of yours, Tim.

- Boy, that mind clearing device

really worked on Mrs. Brown.

She doesn't remember a thing.

- With women I find it a little
easier to clear the mind.

Messier but easier.

(audience laughs)

- (sighs) Oh, my.

Dinner by candlelight
always reminds me of Jesse.

- Jesse?

- Jesse?!

- My cousin, Jesse.

Oh she just loved
dinner by candlelight.

There you are.

More?

Well...

Now I'm gonna get my
contribution, the dessert.

- Oh, may I help you?

- Oh, no thank you.

I can manage.

- Wow.

She had me scared
there for a minute.

(gun shot)

(audience laughs)

I'm sorry, Tim.

That hiccup triggered
my playback mechanism.

I've got to remember to
erase those pistol shots.

- That's good thinking.

Well, you could put
on some waltzes,

and Mrs. Brown
and I could dance.

(waltz music)

("My Favorite Martian Theme")