Original subtitles

He took the bait! We're only gonna get one shot at this!

One fish...

two fish...

red fish...

dead fish.

Who's your daddy?

I used to love these movies growing up.

I'm sorry, did you say something?

The Shark Bite movies... have you seen 'em?

Yeah, unfortunately.

Well, I think they're kind of fun.

Yeah? Which one is this?

The fourth.

Yeah, how can you even tell? They all look the same.

Well, Kurt Campbell has his signature eye patch.

He loses his eye in the sequel, in a jellyfish explosion.

That's ridiculous.

So, how long have you been on Tinder?

A few months.

Yeah, me, too... well, a month.

This is actually the first time I'm meeting someone.

Yeah, that's cool. Cool.

Um, look, I'm gonna go to the deck and get some air.

Okay, sure. Watch my drink?

No problem. Thanks.

Agh! Let me... gimme one sec.

Hey, so I don't think this is gonna work out.

I think I'm gonna mingle for the rest of the trip. Cool?

Didn't you hear that awful sound?

All right, all right, look, let's not play games here.

You know? I mean, let's part ways on a hand shake.

No hard feelings?

I need this. Thanks!

Betty Willis' sheep got free...

and she found 'em on the river bank all torn to pieces.

Sheriff Hurley says it's a bobcat.

Hey, you.

So, I just need something to keep me and my dogs safe.

That right there is what you're after.

Got a good grip, light on the trigger.

Yeah, and it kicks like a mule. Male bobcat's 30 pounds.

A .22 handgun'll suit her just fine.

Rifle's gonna be easier to reload.

Well, they're quick, too.

I doubt she's gonna get a second shot in.

And I'm guessin', you don't want to kill it, right?

Just scare it?

Smart girl.

I'll take it.

Now where can I find my mineral spirits?

Second aisle.

Second aisle.

Nice to see you, Mrs. Chapman.

Didn't expect you back 'til next week.

Finished finals, thought I'd surprise you.

What about your labs?

Cancelled.

Well, it's good to have you back.

Had to... Mitchell tradition.

Wouldn't want to miss that Fishing Rodeo.

Well, we're obviously winning it this year.

Pack that up for Ms. Chapman, will '?

It's like I never left.

Biggest fish! Yeah, that's what you do.

A trout!

So we'll get crowd shots first...

then one-on-ones with the participants...

and the organizers assured me...

we'll get some time with Jason London.

Kid, you want 40 minutes of footage...

for a 30-second package that they're gonna bury...

between sports and weather?

If we only get 30 seconds...

it'll be the best 30 seconds they've seen.

It's just fish.

And Deep Throat was just a guy in a parking garage...

until he toppled a presidency.

You never know when a simple assignment can turn out to be...

the story of the century.

Let's set up by the podium.

Where do you want me to put the dumpsters?

Just over there somewhere.

Just when will you be able to pick them up?

Not until tomorrow.

Tomorrow? I'm gonna need clean ones by then!

Sorry. Sorry?!

Any word from Jason London?

No, but we may have a much bigger problem.

A bigger problem than our celebrity guest being a no show?

The man's name is on the damn sign!

Yeah, no, no, you could say it's bigger than that.

Um, I just got word that there was a bit of a... incident...

on a steamboat down in New Orleans.

Now they aren't sure, be they think there was a shark attack.

A lot of people died, they are sure of that.

Was Jason London one of them?

Well, I wasn't informed that...

there was any Jason London giblets, so I'm gonna say "no".

Then why are you wastin' my time?

Um, because the governor's office just sent us this memo...

requesting that all nearby counties cease all activities...

on the water until they can figure out more...

which is gonna take a really long time...

because it's the government.

Well, you can just tell the Governor's office...

that they can kindly take their notice and fold it five ways...

and then cram it where the elves don't play!

Do you know how much money I have sunk into this thing?

The answer is too much.

Why... why would sharks attack a river boat?

I mean, something isn't right.

Why are we still talking about this?

Because what if the sharks swim up here?

This is the Mississippi.

Hundreds of miles between us and New Orleans.

What're the odds?

The bobcat.

I don't want to hurt you! So, git!

You sure your uncle's gonna be okay with us...

messin' with his wrecker?

What he doesn't know, won't hurt me.

Besides, I drive the dang thing.

All he does is lay around the junk yard...

reading Proust all day.

Is that a euphemism I don't understand?

No, my uncle's really lazy, but he's like super deep.

Whatcha boys got there?

This right here?

This is gonna catch us the biggest fish of the day.

Only two things you need to catch fish.

With all due respect, sir, we'll stick to our plan.

Yeah.

Good luck, boys.

You're gonna need it.

Agh!

I can't believe that guy's won two years in a row.

Don't let him get to you. This year is ours.

You dang right!

A few hours, I'll be on that podium...

raising the trophy in victory.

Standing next to the best guy I know.

Thanks, Wy... Jason London.

The man, the myth, the legend.

Try not to faint.

I make no promises.

Is that Tara Mitchell?

Never thought I'd see her back in podunk.

Did you know she was coming back?

No.

Okay.

Think it's gonna be a big turn out this year?

Sure do.

Heard this year's prize includes a pickup...

from one of Big Bill's lots.

Really? That'd be great for the store.

We could start doing those lumber deliveries.

We?

Yeah, I've been meaning to tell you.

I... I switched my major.

Tara, you chose Hearst specifically...

for its biochemistry program.

I changed my mind.

What'd you change it to?

Business.

So I can help with the hardware store.

You're getting older. You can't do it alone.

Yeah, I'm not that old.

You don't need to worry about me, okay?

It's a family business.

Who's gonna take care of it, if not me?

I sent you off to school, so you could follow your own path.

Maybe this is my path.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I get everyone's attention?

As most of you know, I'm Big Bill Braddock...

with Big Bill Braddock's Auto Emporium...

and I want to thank you all for coming down...

and supporting the Rodeo today.

And I see we got last year's winner right up front.

Give 'em a big ole wave, Possum.

Possum caught a 90-pounder.

91.55!

That's what you're up against, folks.

Rules are real simple.

You've got three miles of majestic Mississippi River.

Boundaries marked by buoys.

Don't matter how you catch it.

Just bring your catfish back down here...

and the Weigh Master will toss it up on the hook.

Biggest fish wins.

Any questions?

Just one!

Yes!

Who's your daddy?

All right, that's just a little movie magic, folks.

Ladies and gentlemen, you know him as Kurt Campbell...

special-ops sniper turned marine biologist...

in Shark Bite one through five.

One, two, four and five, the ones that matter.

Your favorite action hero and mine, Jason London.

Big Bob, all right, thank you, thank you!

Bill.

So nice to be here, everybody!

All right, I'm really honored to be part of such...

a fantastic event, so let's get the show on the road, shall we?

All right!

On your mark. Get... set.

And be sure to go watch "Shark Bite Six...

Here Comes Santa Jaws", in theaters this Christmas!

So what is this thing again?

We're not finished discussing this, you hear?

Dad, it's my choice.

Well, I'll be.

Possum. Ray.

What are you doing out here?

You're not thinking of competing?

I'm trying to spend some quality time with my daughter.

Tara. Possum.

Well, can't fault a man for wanting to play in the water...

as long as you don't got no delusions...

of winning the prize money.

Yeah, I think 20 years of losing ought to be enough...

for a any man, don't you?

I wouldn't count us out just yet, right?

Hello?

I'll be right there.

Shipment just came in. Truck's waiting at the store.

Now?

Driver must have messed up the days.

My, my, my... what a shame.

I'll come with you.

Tara, this isn't your responsibly.

This is what I'm talking about. Everything falls on you.

I don't want your help, Tara!

Look, I want more for you than just working at the shop.

Bait some hooks and hold tight.

Yeah, all right, all right. Who's next?

All right, all right, you got one?

Jason! Jason! Mr... I'm actually your biggest fan!

That's great... really, thanks!

No, like, literally top of the...

sorry...

Yeah, would you... you want to sign my shirt?

Yeah, sure. 'Cause you...

Here you go. All right! Excellent, excellent!

Mr. London?

Yes. Excuse me.

Hi... hi, I'm Allison Harting with WIQZ.

Can I get a few minutes with you?

Local affiliate?

Biloxi.

Listen, I only do the major markets.

You know, you gotta protect the brand.

You know what I'm saying? No, thanks.

But, um, I'm staying at the casino.

Maybe later, you know?

All right.

Yeah, you, are you next? All right, here, you're up next.

Just go.

Here, let me help.

Eric, right?

That's me.

Hey, how are you?

Good. Great. Good.

Um, been working at Big Bill's car lot.

Was March's employee of the month.

That's awesome.

You're at Hearst, right?

Yeah.

You must be right at home there.

What does that mean?

Just, with like...

the great scientific minds of our generation.

I don't know about that.

Come on. Your study on enzymatic hydrolysis of cellulose...

and the production of cellulosic ethanol for the science fair?

I mean, that was crazy impressive.

That was my presentation at Regionals.

I... I didn't display that at the high school...

Yeah.

Um, a couple of us took a road trip to, you know, cheer you on.

I didn't know that.

It's no big deal.

School spirit.

I mean, Wyatt drove.

I just chipped in for gas, really.

Actually, Eric?

Sorry, that's actually not mine.

This, too.

Sorry.

Agh!

Hold on! I'm coming!

Help me! I'm coming!

Help me!

Come on! Grab my hand!

What the...

Just got an interesting text from Mason.

He's down in New Orleans covering a shark attack.

Get out.

Apparently, a bunch of them took out a steamboat.

The governor is trying to keep it hush, hush.

Wait, there are sharks in the Mississippi?

Sheriff, we got a call...

about some loud yellin' down by Brady's Pass.

You wanna check it out?

SHERIFF What do you think, a fight broke out?

DISPATCH Not sure, but someone's makin' a whole...

lotta noise about somethin'.

Let's go.

So, when you heading out?

I'm just waiting for my dad. You?

All set up... catfish beware.

Are you gonna repossess them?

Wyatt has this theory.

Everyone fishes out on the river, on the banks.

The safest place for fish is in the harbor.

So it makes sense that the biggest ones...

would be around here, because they live the longest.

It's a working theory.

Yeah, okay.

Dude, you missed it! I just met Jason London!

I mean, he is like a god amongst men, staring at him...

was like looking into a solar eclipse.

I'm still kinda seeing little spots.

Wyatt's a fan. Yeah.

I don't see the appeal.

You don't like the Shark Bite movies?

Not really.

I mean, three is okay, I guess.

We don't... we don't mention three.

We never mention three. Three is verboten.

Prawn of the Dead.

The only one without Jason London.

Maybe don't say his name like that.

You're obsessed.

It's a little disrespectful.

- Hey, Dad. - Tara?

You're not ditching me, are you?

Tara? Are you on the water?

No. I was waiting for you.

I need you to stay right where you are. Okay?

Do not take the boat out, promise me.

Okay, you're scaring me. What's going on?

There are sharks in the water.

Wait, what?

Sharks! There are sharks in the water!

Slow down, Dad, you're not making any sense.

Baby, I gotta go.

Just stay off the river, okay?

Stay off the river...

Dad? Dad!

Hey, is everything okay?

I just got a really weird call from my dad.

What did he say?

I think something's wrong. Do you have a car?

Sure, I can take you anywhere you need to go.

Can I just... one minute.

We have been planning this for months!

You, me and the Mekong!

You can't just bail, we need to get out on the water.

Look at her. She's distressed.

I'm distressed!

Look, I get it. You've had this thing for her since high school.

No, it's not... I haven't...

But... but, she spent four years...

barely registering your existence.

And now you wanna give up our shot at glory, because of what?

Because she wants to car pool?

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Betrayal cuts real deep, dude!

Howdy, Ray.

Rough morning?

Mighty fine catch, Possum.

94 and a quarter pounds.

That one's gonna be tough to beat, for sure.

Yeah. You might as well call this contest early, fellas.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.

Lotta day left.

Bill?

What is it?

We have a bit of an issue. Issue...

Mr. London isn't at his booth...

and everyone's starting to get really restless.

I have to do everything myself!

Now where is he, and what is he up to?

One fish. Two fish.

Red fish. Dead fish.

Bang.

And that, ladies, is how it's done.

And if you really like that, you're gonna have to check...

out my Sci-Fi, buddy cop film, Narc Sharks 2...

The Fin Blue Line.

He's all business, I'm all heart.

We start shooting in two weeks. It's gonna be awesome!

Mister London!

Barry! There he is!

It's Bill.

Right, what can I do you for, pal?

We've got your table set up for autographs.

There's a line forming.

I-I'm leaving soon.

I'm only contracted for two hours, buddy.

You were an hour and a half late!

Listen, listen, look, I feel you, I really do.

And I don't mean to be a spoil sport here...

but, you know, I've got troubles of my own!

But, hey, Boudreaux, listen to this, next year, you, me...

you clear your schedule, I'll get my people to clear mine.

We'll do this the right way this time, bigger and better.

Bigger and better.

Ladies?

Did you hear that?

Did someone just strangle a cat?

Come on.

What is that?!

Mrs. Chapman.

What could have done this?

Sharks.

What are you talking about, sharks?

There's a shark in the river, maybe more than one.

Wait, did you know about this?

I... I might've.

I thought it was a sham!

Whoever heard of sharks in a river?

Bull sharks can live in fresh water.

You know what? Will you stop...

and talk about the real victim here?

All right. Please?

I mean, I came here to host this thing...

and now I'm gonna be scarred for life...

because of some severed head!

Mrs. Chapman is a real person with friends and family...

who will miss her!

I mean, you're right. I-I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm... come here, bring it in, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That was really insensitive.

I'm really sorry about Mrs. Chapstick. I'm so sorry.

This is serious!

There are at least 40 fishermen on the river.

We need to warn them!

Wait!

Look, okay, you know what, guys?

We have a situation here, but luckily for everyone...

There's no one more qualified to deal with it than me.

And how do you figure that?

'Cause I know sharks, I know what they think.

I know how they feel.

I know what they dream about at night...

and I'm their worst nightmare.

It's like what I said in Shark Bite Five...

Shark of the Covenant...

That mammal may have the teeth...

This mammal's got the brains.

Sharks aren't mammals, they're Chrondrichthyes.

Listen, Princess, I don't actually write the lines...

I just say them with style, you know?

And if anyone is gonna carry us out of this dark hour...

it's gonna be me, all right?

Excuse me for a second, Buster, listen...

Um, in case things go sideways and you don't make it out...

Um, think I could get paid up front?

Good gravy... and you're sure it was a shark?

I'd bet my life on it.

'Cause we've been havin' trouble with a bobcat.

You know, Hurley, I may be gettin' old, but I can still...

tell the difference between a shark and a bobcat.

It's the fur, ain't it?

Well, shoot.

Still around?

He swam off that way.

Well, I can't leave him floating down river.

Let's get him on land, and I'll call it in.

I really don't think you should go in there.

It's fine.

'Cause you're gonna cover me.

This is a terrible idea.

It's my job, Ray.

See the shark? You shoot.

Damn, it's Merle Hutchins.

Just bought a brand-new four-wheeler, too, damn shame.

You okay?

Yep.

Son of gun should've skipped a meal or three.

That was close!

It's all in the reflexes.

Ain't no shark gonna get the jump on me.

Agh!

Hurley!

Where is he? He's right behind you!

Swim faster! Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Kinda close.

Kinda? He almost gotcha.

I meant the bullet. Were you aimin' for me or the shark?

You told me to shoot.

Never said a thing about aiming.

Thanks.

Next time, we stay out of the water.

Agreed.

Agh, son of a fish got my boot.

Better than your leg.

Heck, but now I'm gonna be all lopsided.

What is this?

Officer! Officer! Allison Harting, WIQZ.

Can you tell me what's happening?

Excuse me, ma'am, this is still an active crime scene.

Is there a reason you're all wet?

Please, back away.

And missing a boot?

Harting, you gotta see this!

You'll get more than a 30-second spot with this!

Sir? I need you to back away from the water!

Phil!

Agh! Agh! Agh!

You need to close down the rodeo.

If I cancel this thing now, I'll lose my shirt!

Listen, if a fisherman gets hurt out there by one of those...

things and they find out you knew about the sharks...

and didn't tell anyone, you're gonna lose more than your shirt.

You need to make make an announcement.

Then we'll try and reach those still on the river.

Look, excuse me, but which one of us here is the shark expert?

Neither.

Really? And what is it that you do?

I'm in college.

Getting your MRS degree?

Actually she's a brilliant scientist.

Enough! I'll make the damn announcement!

I'll do it.

Listen, the people need to hear this...

from someone that they respect and trust.

I'm an actor. People care what I have to say.

I got this, Billie Jean, all right?

It's... agh!

Fine! I've got enough to deal with!

That man's heart is as big as his head, am I right?

We should find Wyatt.

Are you sure you've got this?

Piece of cake.

One, two. Hey, everybody!

You enjoying the rodeo?

That's a shame, because we have to cancel the event...

effective immediately.

No way.

That's right, you are all in horrible, horrible danger...

so... pack it up.

Are you not hearing me? There are sharks in the water!

They'll eat you. They'll eat your kids.

You can dive in this water!

Nice! Now do Shark Bite 3!

You know I wasn't in Shark Bite 3!

Done being a chauffeur for the day?

I hope she gave you a tip.

Not now, Wyatt. We got a big problem.

There are sharks in the water.

Well, that sucks.

Wait, you're not surprised?

Shark poaching is on the rise.

Only makes sense that the sharks would relocate...

to quieter water to hunt.

Besides, bull sharks can survive in the freshwater.

Really? Come on, it was the plot of Shark Bite 2...

Sharks in the Ozarks?

Come on.

I think we got something!

Listen, come on, baby... come to mama, come on.

This is gonna be a huge...

Wy... don't.

This's gotta be like a 500-pound Mekong right here, man!

Back up, Wy.

Hold on! We gotta get him in first.

Gonna make it rain with that prize money!

That is not a catfish.

Where's that hot little reporter?

Shark!

Hey, kid! Hey, do me a favor. Look, record this for me, okay?

All right, there's a dollar in it for '.

Hey, hey, be sure to keep me in frame, okay?

Just me in the frame, all right?

Guys, I'm coming!

Not all heroes wear capes.

That's a high sprain, for sure!

You want me to... Agh!

Okay, okay!

You believe me now, people?

You're welcome, by the way.

Thank you.

At least I kept you in frame.

Yeah, thanks for nothing, kid!

Where'd you get the Popsicle?

You okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

We did it. We got the shark.

Yeah... heroes.

Guys...

Hey, lanyard, are you in charge here?

Yes, at the moment, it seems that I am in charge.

There are sharks in the marina.

We need to shut down the competition.

Like hell.

This right here... this is sabotage.

Did you not just see the shark we caught?

You caught a shark, did '?

In that contraption of yours?

Yeah, pulled it up by the tail.

And it was big?

It was huge.

What a shame.

'Cause it clearly states...

in the Monsters of the Mississippi rulebook...

page 47, section 4, paragraph 2.2b...

that any fish caught and entered into this competition...

must be indigenous to this river, in order to qualify.

Possum! No one cares about the competition!

People are dying!

How many are registered?

It says we have 35 participants.

Did they sign up with phone numbers?

I mean, there's a slot for it on the entry form...

but I don't have those with me.

Can we get them?

I mean, they're back in the harbor house.

Yeah, I can go and get them.

Yeah, hurry, please!

You all right?

No.

This is my first assignment. I just wanted to do a good job.

Sheriff? Sheriff, you there?

I'm here.

DISPATCH This is gonna sound real crazy...

but we're getting calls about a shark at the marina.

Tara.

On my way.

What's taking that guy so long?

Yeah, I'm thinking I should just go look for him.

Hey! Would you leave that alone?

I don't think it counts.

Wait, wait, what about this?

Be serious! This is for our Christmas card!

A little to the left... a little bit more.

A little bit more... more... perfect!

Say "Shark attack!"

Shark attack!

Shark! Sha...

How's it going, boss?

No!

Brain freeze!

God, I'm having the worst luck today.

We're not gonna stop it. We're not gonna shut it down.

Big Fish Festival, because we need to sell cars.

What about the dead people, Bill?

People are getting eaten by sharks.

That's okay, dead people need cars.

No, no! Crap!

Okay, I'm gonna be in so much trouble.

This is so bad! Okay.

Man... dangerous!

It's slippery.

No, but I hope the papers are still legally binding.

Thank you, science, for buoyancy.

There are so many.

It's the blood in the water.

Someone might as well have rang a dinner bell.

What are we gonna do?

We need take 'em out.

Wyatt, this isn't a Shark Bite movie.

We just can't take out a pack of hungry sharks.

Well, we have to do something!

I mean, if we leave them, they're just...

They're gonna be up and down the Mississippi...

and there's gonna be no way to catch them.

He has a point. People are still out on the river.

We should take care of them here...

before anyone else gets killed.

- Or dead. - Yeah.

We'd need an army.

I'd settle for their guns.

I know where we can get some.

I don't care who you have to call to make it happen...

just make it happen.

Get me out of here or you're fired!

Hey.

Mr. London?

We're going to get reinforcements.

We're gonna fight these things!

That is a great idea.

I'm gonna stay right here and wait for my police escort.

Aren't you going to help?

In the last hour, I've wrestled a shark, I've seen a man...

eaten alive and I've been attacked by a head...

so, I'm gonna just stay right here...

and not go anywhere.

But this is your thing!

No shark is a match for you!

Nice try. Hard pass.

What about all the innocent people...

who are still on the water?

Look, kid, my priority is keeping this right here...

in one piece today.

So, sorry, good luck, though.

I thought you were a hero, but you're a fraud.

Leave him.

My dad's shop is across the river.

Let's take my boat, it's faster.

Yeah, let's go.

Let's go be real heroes.

I am a real hero. I've got my own franchise to prove it.

Really?

Um... miss?

Okay, London, let's show these people...

what a SyFy Movie Award winner...

for best shirtless performance can do.

One fish.

Two fish.

Red fish.

Dead fish!

Shark.

Jason!

Wy?!

Please be alive. Please be alive. Please be alive.

Do you see him? Do you see him?

Maybe he's still okay.

That's less reassuring.

Now we're never gonna get a Shark Bite 7.

I'm sorry, Wyatt, but I think we should go.

Yeah.

Let's take my car.

Yeah.

He went out a hero, man.

Yeah.

I just can't believe he's gone. I know. I know.

I mean, at least we still have Jeremy.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have a Shark Bite marathon when this is over.

One through five.

Not three. Never three.

I think he'd like that.

I call the Dirty Harry gun!

That is a .45, Dirty Harry had a .44 Magnum.

Well... I call the shotgun.

You know, I don't think we have enough.

I think we may need more.

Like knives?

Like bombs.

Your dad sells bombs?

No, her dad doesn't sell bombs.

Right?

No, he doesn't sell bombs.

But he should have everything here to make them.

We get to make bombs?

Y... actually, could you just grab the fertilizer over there?

Right! Yeah, just grab the... okay.

Fertilizer, so we can make the sharks... grow?

It has got ammonium nitrate.

We're just gonna do some simple chemical reactions.

Brilliant scientist, dude.

So what's the plan?

Same as it's always been... we go fishing.

Broke.

She'll figure it out.

One fish.

Two fish. Red fish.

Dead fish.

So, is this what they're teaching at Hearst these days?

I wouldn't know.

I dropped out of the science program.

Why?

It just wasn't what I was expecting.

I got there and everyone was so... smart.

I was this little fish in a giant pond.

Don't.

I guess I realized that maybe I wasn't good enough.

How can you say that? I mean, look at what you're doing here.

Making bombs.

Well, yeah, I guess, specifically.

But, you made all of these combinations.

This is who you are.

Yeah, I used to think so. I'm not really sure anymore, though.

Do you love it?

Yeah.

Then do it.

It's not that simple. And why not?

What if I fail?

Then you fail at something you want to do.

And I think that's a lot better...

than succeeding at something you don't.

But for the record?

I believe in you.

All packed.

Ready to roll?

Yeah, yeah, we're all done.

No.

Wh... no, look, I got it.

I got two for each of you guys.

No.

Come on, if not now, when?

Killjoy.

It's gonna work in the water?

Yeah, the wicks are coated with nitrocellulose lacquer.

So they should be good.

Right, no, yeah, of course...

Nitrous... cellulite...

Let's go, before anyone else dies.

Yeah.

DISPATCH Sheriff, you ain't gonna believe this...

but we're getting more reports of sharks in the water.

I believe it.

We got no cars to send.

Deputy's out on a call. What's your ETA?

I'm about 15 now to the station.

And Lyla, can you wrangle me up an extra boot?

Look out!

What?

Sir? Are you okay?

Well, that was lucky.

I think we were long overdue.

Lyla? Scratch the boot.

I'm gonna need a tow truck.

So, um, you guys seem to be getting close.

It's... it's just the situation.

A situation you should make the most of.

What is that supposed to mean?

She's distraught.

She needs a shoulder to cry on. You got the great shoulder.

I don't think so, Wyatt.

Okay, literally, what is the worst thing that could happen?

Crushing humiliation?

Total rejection, eventual heartbreak.

Shark attack... you didn't say that.

But no, those three are really important, too.

This isn't working. I can't get a lock on them.

Maybe if we move closer?

Let's try this.

Yes! Got it!

No, dude, you just scared it.

Damn.

We may need a new plan.

What if we put some bombs in some fish?

What in tarnation are you kids doing?

We're taking out the sharks!

You're taking out the boats!

My insurance don't cover this!

But we're saving lives.

You're causing mayhem!

You're out here on private property with rifles and...

Is that a bag of bombs?

Do you know how many laws you've broken?

One? No.

Two? No!

Well, I'm out of guesses.

There is blood on your hands!

There are sharks in the river and they're eating people!

You've done nothing about it!

I've had enough of this.

Hey! Come on, lemme... Okay! Okay!

Let's just calm down, okay?

What are you gonna do, shoot him?

Yeah, no, he might... He might shoot me.

Girl, you need to learn to respect your elders!

I respect you, I totally respect you, dude, you're old.

Now, I've had enough of you kids...

ruining my beautiful, very expensive festival.

That was the sharks!

The sharks ain't never done nothin' to me.

But you all have. Now get!

Yep.

My... my money, all my money...

Sharks are an endangered species, you know?

Can't get any reception for some reason.

It won't be long, Ray.

It's just that... Tara and me didn't leave things...

on the best of terms.

We had a little, disagreement.

Really?

She up to no good at that fancy college?

Drinkin'? Druggin'?

No, she wants to take over the hardware store.

You lost me, pal. Ain't that a good thing?

It's just that every since she was a little kid...

she loved science, you know?

She was five years old she asked for a microscope...

so she could study the leaves outside.

It's always been her dream, and now suddenly... it isn't.

Maybe it was too much for her.

No, see, my Tara's as bright as they come.

She's a presidential scholar.

That's what I mean.

Sometimes when people have such high expectations...

it can be overwhelming.

Maybe she was just scared to disappoint you.

I guess I just wanted something more for her...

than this tiny, little town.

Hey, now, what's wrong with this tiny town?

I mean, it's a fine place to live.

We got friendly folks, good food...

Sharks.

Well, now, to be fair, that part's new.

Think it's another attack?

Better go find out.

Hurley, I gotta get to the marina.

I need to see with my own eyes that Tara's okay.

I'll meet you there. All right.

Come on.

Are we far?

A few miles.

I'm sure she's okay.

I was at the marina a little while ago. No sharks in sight.

Can I offer some very unsolicited advice?

I suppose.

You should let her make her own mistakes.

If we get there and she's happy, healthy and in one piece...

I'll let her drop out of school and join the damn circus.

How's that?

Works for me.

Hey! I need you to get off the water!

There's a shark in here!

I know that already! I'm not comin' in after you.

Now grab your damn oars!

Imma get that son of a bitch.

Idiot. You're gonna get yourself eaten!

No, I can do this!

I'll be damn.

So what do we do now? I mean, we can't just give up?

I mean, there are lives at stake.

Well, I don't know what else we can do.

We murder Big Bill.

No. Okay, I got it.

What if we spin the earth backwards...

and we reset the timeline?

Be serious, Wy.

Destroy the last Horcrux. Wyatt.

At least, I'm trying! Thinking...

I mean, you two look like you're ready to quit.

Unbelievable!

Let me tell you a story... about a little boy...

who desperately wanted to ride a bike, but one of his legs...

was a half an inch shorter than the other one...

proving this goal to be nearly impossible.

Really?

Sure, he was discouraged!

There were bumps and there were bruises...

and there were fat lips along the way, but he tried.

And every morning he got up with the sun and he peddled...

his little heart out until one day, he found himself soaring...

through the middle of town, wind in his hair.

Do you know who that little boy was?

You?

No! Jason London!

It's like she hasn't been listenin'...

to anything I've said today.

Great story, Wy, but how's it gonna help us?

The point is, if you want something, you don't give up.

Wait. How strong is this wrecker crane?

Pretty strong, but it took a beating earlier...

pulling up that shark.

Can you fix it?

Take about half an hour or so, but I think we could do it.

The wrecker's not going to help us with that many sharks.

I mean, what are we gonna pull 'em in one-by-one?

You see that bridge?

Yeah?

We use it as a pulley, drop a net big enough for all them.

They swim in, we spring the trap, pull them up...

with the crane, using the bridge as a fulcrum.

Exactly, exactly.

You're serious, okay.

Um, am I really gonna have to be the voice of reason here?

Because, if that's the case, we are in a lot of trouble.

You don't think it's gonna work?

What are we gonna sweet talk them into getting into the net?

No, we'll chum the water.

There's tons of it, because of the competition.

They'll come to us.

Okay, so we scoop them up and then what, they just hang out?

No... then we use a bomb.

See, now that's a great idea!

Except for that jack wad took all of the bombs!

Not all of them.

Damn kids and their damn vigilante justice.

Trying to ruin my... Possum!

Whatcha got there, Possum?

Nothin? Nothin'?

Nope.

What you got behind your back?

River mostly.

Enough foolin! You hand that over right now!

This here is mine. I won it fair and square!

That is the property of the Monsters on the Mississippi...

and by extension me!

It is to leave my possession only when the winner is crowned.

You saw my catch!

Ain't nobody gonna win, but me!

You hand that over right now!

Fat chance!

Let go!

If I can't have it, nobody can!

Let go!

It's mine!

Is not! It is!

Isn't! Is!

Isn't!

Agh! Agh!

Agh!

How's it going down there? Good.

Hey, can you pass me that socket wrench?

Okay, this'll work, I think...

I'm messing with you. Here.

I knew that.

Did you?

Okay, no.

'Cause my dad owns a hardware store.

Well, I didn't want to assume...

Why didn't we hang out in high school?

I think you'd have to have noticed me first.

I noticed you. What?

Are you okay?

Yeah, no problem.

Here.

You noticed me?

Sure.

I just thought you hated me. What?

Yeah, you were always avoiding me in the halls...

And you'd never look at me.

No, it was just that...

Hey!

Any clue where we're gonna get a big enough net?

There should be plenty by the marina.

Why don't you go and check, Wy...

while me and Tara finish working on the wrecker?

Yeah, um, no, I don't...

I don't think I should go there alone...

because he's got that gun, and he could shoot me with it.

And plus, I'm allergic to musk, which if...

Yeah, it's fine, I'll go.

Okay. I'll go.

Yeah, that's probably a safer idea.

Hey, I think she likes the cut of your jib.

You get it, it's like a crane joke?

Or a boat joke, or a Marine joke, if you're in the Marines.

Because that was some...

You okay?

Yeah, just stupid.

That's the only problem? I didn't know if you had more.

'Cause, man, I knew you were stupid.

'Cause that's like a...

What I say?

Yeah, that should be big enough.

Perfect. Did you see Big Bill?

I think the sharks got to him.

Nice. Wyatt.

I mean, no, that's not... That's not good.

I'm gonna grab the net.

Man! Who'd carry this?

I'm gonna get the chum. I'll be back in 15.

Hey, Tara?

Yeah.

You think when this is over...

that maybe we can grab a coffee sometime?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Great.

If you don't die first.

What, do you think there's a chance that might happen?

I'm just kidding.

I knew that time.

Yeah, I was just playing along.

Totally in on the joke.

Ready?

Yeah, locked and loaded.

Tara? Dad!

I'm sorry about earlier.

I trust you to make your own decisions...

and I'll support them, whatever they are.

Thanks, Dad, but I think I'm gonna drop my business major...

and get back in the lab.

Only if that's what you really want to do.

It is.

A heartwarming reunion between father and daughter...

amid the chaos of the day.

Hello.

Allison Harting, WIQZ.

Where is everyone?

I can tell you on the way, but can you help me with this?

What's in it?

All right, then.

Are they gone?

They've been swimming in the marina all day.

I don't know why they'd suddenly leave.

Must have swam up the river.

Do you think we're too late?

Wait! Here they come!

Looks like we finally gonna get some fishing done.

Wy! Be ready, on my call!

Yeah!

Now!

Wy! Go!

I think we got it!

Yes! Work... it worked!

I'm coming up!

I can't believe that worked. Never any doubt.

Do I even want to know how you got a pipe bomb?

I, um... I made it.

You made it?

Yeah, well, you're the one who's always encouraging me...

to pursue science, so I...

Sweetheart, you know darn well that is not what I meant.

Can I throw the bomb?

I really think I should do it.

Yeah, Wy, last time you missed by a mile.

And we just have the one, so...

Okay, but to be fair, I mean, that was a moving target!

This is... I mean, I can do this.

It is more of a drop than a throw.

Okay.

I will not let you down, okay?

Allison Harting, WIQZ.

I am here on South Harbor Bridge, where three locals...

have just gone toe-to-toe with a pack of sharks, and won.

It's a shiver of sharks, actually.

Hey, sharks...

who's your daddy?

Oops.

That was huge! That totally would have worked!

Allison Harting, WIQZ.

I am here on South Harbor Bridge...

where one man's ineptitude has just doomed a small town.

All the sharks are out of the water...

and all the people are safe.

I mean, that's the important part... right?

What's going on? Why is it falling?

The wrecker...

E you at with that lumber?

Hey, I'm doing you a favor.

I should be driving a dump truck right now.

Just hurry.

Helluva day.

What else could go wrong?

Those brakes aren't holding!

The sharks are heavier than the truck!

They're gonna pull it clean off the wheels!

What are we gonna do?

Shark Bite 4!

Sharkpocalypse Now?

We need to get them onto dry land!

What?

Come on, it was in the trailer!

Never mind, we'll watch it later.

We need to get that sack of sharks onto the road.

Can we do that?

I mean, we're halfway there...

we just have to get the net the rest of the way in.

The rope's as far as it'll go.

Somebody needs to drive the wrecker forward.

Let's do it.

For Jason London. For Jason London, yes!

Yeah?

For Jason London. Yeah.

Who is Jason London?

Agh... Later.

You are your own hero.

I am my own hero.

You will be a lighthouse...

on the rocky shore of self-doubt.

I will be a lighthouse on the rocky shore of self-doubt.

No.

You need to go!

It won't start!

Come on! Come on!

Okay, come on, Belinda, I have been so good to you.

I have like oiled you.

I haven't cleaned you in like eight years...

but I've done all kinds of other stuff.

If you could just do this one thing for me.

Never mind!

Almost there!

To continue your journey...

to the best you, turn the tape to side B.

Nuts.

They're on the bridge! They're on the bridge!

They're on the bridge!

Easy-peasy.

Well, um, that works.

I'd feel bad, but they ate Mrs. Chapman.

Really?

She was such a good customer.

Yes! How about that?

All right!

Allison Harting, WIQZ.

I am here on South Harbor Bridge...

where a gory explosion has just saved a small town...

from the terrifying and unlikely jaws of the Mississippi.

Didn't hurt.

A little... you're stronger than you look.

Come here!

Looks like your story is gonna turn out okay, after all.

I got it!

I lost my cameraman.

Yeah. That was bad.

So... about that coffee...?

Actually, I don't drink coffee.

Wait, you're messing with me again, aren't you?

You're just so easy.

Hey, guys!

Catch of the day!

Wyatt, watch out!

Agh!

It's been three months since a wave of shark attacks rocked...

the Mississippi, but animal rights activists...

have renewed calls for a boycott of one local trucking..

Company after details emerged about a driver's reckless...

encounter with a group of bull sharks.

Here's Landon with more on the story.

Hey, Dad?

Mitchell!

Good to see you, Eric.

You ready to go?

Almost.

You're sure you're okay to, leave the store right now?

Yeah, I'm gonna let my new apprentice close up.

Hey, see you guys later! Good luck!

Catch a big one!

I meant, are you okay leaving him with the guns?

Well, I don't know about that, but I'm workin' on it.

Hey, I'll get the door.

Thank you, Eric!

ANNOUNCER He was a beat cop who'd seen too much.

Now he'll need some help to take a bite out of crime.

Meet your new partner.

I don't work with fish?

Jeremy London stars in...

The Fin Blue Line.

Excuse me?

Do you have a phone I could borrow?

My battery is dead and I'm completely lost.

Yeah, yeah, we have a... phone.

I like your...

You know what it reminds me of?

You ever seen the Shark Bite movies.

You like the Shark Bite movies?

Yeah, I know they're kind of silly.

No, no, no! I love... I love them.

Really?

Yeah, just favorite... they're kind of my favorite.

Right, sorry, phone! Um, yeah, so, there's...

You know how that works.

Thanks.

Not to brag, or anything...

but I just recently fought off a shiver...

of blood-thirsty sharks hell-bent on destruction.

Really?

Yeah.

Me, too.