Original subtitles

♪♪

Hey, guys, I've got some exciting news.

I got us all tickets to the big college football game

this weekend at my alma mater.

Go, Pioneers! Whoo!

Trust me, guys,

it wasn't much better from back here.

- Football? Pass. - You're going.

Honey, if you wanted a sports guy,

- you should've married one. - Excuse me.

I mean, please don't leave me. I'll go.

I can't believe I'm gonna have a real-life college experience.

Ooh, I wanna be like those kids on TV

who paint their faces and scream into the camera.

Bree, please do not embarrass us.

Everyone knows that the proper way to enjoy a sporting event

is to clap politely,

not hoot and holler like a buffoon.

Whoo, go, Tech!

She's at the ten, the five,

touchdown, Vikings!

( frenzied yelling )

You went to Mission Creek Tech?

Best 12 years of my life.

And I was on the football team.

No way. They let girls play back then?

Nope. Had to grow a mustache and say I was

Tom from Ohio.

Ugh. Pioneers?

I knew there was a reason I never liked you.

You went to my rival school.

Oh, yeah. State's takin' Tech down.

In your dreams.

I just wish I could be there to see it.

The game's been sold out for weeks.

- You should talk to Tash-- - No, she shouldn't.

Do you have tickets?

Uh... no.

Good. Because I know, if you did,

you'd invite your bestie Terry.

Right?

Did she say bestie or beastie?

You just said you didn't like me.

I've grown as a person since then. Come here.

Don't fight it. Like me back.

The world's first bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us.

Faster. Smarter.

The next generation of the human race is...

living on a bionic island.

Come on, boys, let's go.

I want to get there early so we can tailgate.

- ( squeals ) - Hey!

Who's ready to reluctantly attend a sporting event?

I know I am.

Oh, I'm sorry, Bob.

I only have enough tickets for our family.

- Oh, great. - Immediate family.

- Fantastic. - I don't have a ticket for you.

Sounds good.

If he's not going, I'm not going.

Aw, you'd really do that for me?

Of course, man. We're buds.

I'm not gonna leave you here by yourself.

Then I guess we have an extra ticket.

Oh, I'll take it.

I can't believe I'm actually saying this,

but since we have an extra ticket,

should we maybe offer it to Perry?

( raucous laughter )

( sighs ) Well, it's just you and me, Bob.

What do you wanna do today?

I know. I can leave you here

while I go to that football game.

I got an even better idea.

Go get the web cam.

- He's Bob. - And he's Adam.

Welcome to Breaking Stuff With Bob and Adam,

- the place where Bob... - And Adam...

break stuff.

We're gonna break old equipment from our junk room.

Like this laptop.

Not my new laptop.

This old speaker is ten times bigger

than the ones we use today,

but not for long.

That was awesome!

Man, that was a great first episode.

Wait, I was supposed to be recording this?

Hi. I'm All-Pro three-time Super Bowl champion

Willie McGinest,

and I'm standing next to Pioneer Pete,

the oldest monument in Mission Creek.

A hundred years ago, Pioneer Pete saved the college

from a disastrous fire.

The remaining wood was used to build this beloved statue.

( spectators cheering )

Oh, to be back in college.

I had the best days of my life here.

Other than the day you married

the Donald Davenport, right, sweetie?

Get me my own island and we'll talk.

Hey, why is everyone staring at us?

Because they know we're bionic.

I am totally using to get in with them.

Are you really that shallow?

You're gonna flaunt your bionics

just to impress a bunch of tailgating gorillas?

Yes.

( all booing )

Leo, why are you wearing the Vikings colors?

What do I know about team colors?

Just be happy it's clean.

See, this is why you need Mommy to pick out your clothes.

Hey, Dooley, nice threads.

Oh, great, I've been looking for a grease rag.

What are you doing here?

I'm here for the Ultimate Tailgate Challenge.

The winner scores tickets for the big game.

And since I cook and eat most of my food

in a parking lot already, I'm a shoo-in.

For what, parasites?

Shut it, Frodo.

Behold, my tailgating spectacular.

Great. I'm starving.

And now I am not.

You're cooking food on your car?

Better than anything you ever cooked.

Ooh, check out my rotisserie chicken.

So do you have a way to cook them,

or are you more of a raw bird kind of gal?

Mmm!

Delish!

Hey, what are you all doin' here anyway?

The game's sold out.

( all stammering )

We came for the chicken.

( nervous laughter )

Is that diesel?

Welcome back to Breaking Stuff With Bob...

And Adam.

- He's still Bob. - And I'm Bob.

It's time for old Mr. Laser Disc Player

to meet my lasers.

Yeah!

That was incredible.

If we keep this up, we'll be the number one

web show of the week.

Then less talking and more breaking.

Yeah!

I think we ran out of stuff.

Hey, I know something that'll get us

even more viewers than breaking stuff.

Two bionic guys with super strength

play catch with the coffee table.

I like it.

Okay, Bob, just to warn you,

if you don't catch it, you might get decapitated.

Hey, forget bionic superhumans.

We should be movers.

Okay, let's make this more challenging.

- Bob, go long. - On it.

Oh, no!

I think we scratched the table.

You know, if you don't think about how it was cooked,

the chicken is actually quite tasty.

Oh, I ran out of chicken. That's falcon.

I'm done.

But you haven't even tried my sausages yet.

You cooked them in the tailpipe?

You call it a tailpipe, I call it a smoker.

Any time I see hot air coming out of something,

the first thing I think is, how can I put meat in there?

And to think you're still single.

( people cheering )

Well, that's enough E. coli for one day.

Time to go wow my college buds

with some bionic razzle dazzle.

( chanting ) M.C. State, M.C. State!

Hey, guys, what's everyone looking at?

- I can't hear you! - M.C. State, M.C. State,

M.C. State, M.C. State, M.C. State.

Chase?!

What are you doing?

I thought you said flaunting your bionics

for attention was shallow.

It is, and I'm okay with that.

They like me.

Chase, Chase, Chase, Chase!

( cheering )

Hey, guys, I just picked up the tickets from Will Call.

They're on the 50-yard line.

Oh! I don't know what that means,

but let's get outta here before Perry sees them.

( growling )

Please tell me there's a four-foot pit bull behind us.

You have tickets?!

You lied to me. How could you?

We're family.

Okay, fine, you can have our extra ticket.

No. After you lied to me, I want all of them. Gimme!

Ha! What do you know? I caught 'em.

Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Those aren't the tickets.

- I'll get them. - No way.

If I can't have them, neither can you.

No!

Now that's a hot ticket.

Good news. The chicken's still delish,

and the tickets are like an extra layer of skin.

( booing )

All right, keep walking.

- Can we just go home? - No way.

I have been looking forward to this for months.

There's gotta be a way we can get into that game.

How? She ate our tickets!

Fifty-yard line?!

Then we are just gonna have to do whatever it takes

to beat Perry at that Ultimate Tailgate Challenge.

Come on, Leo, let's go.

Team Davenport is takin' you down.

Good luck. I've been in the mouth of a shark,

a bear, and three kinds of snake,

and they're all grillin' on my car.

Bob, what are we gonna do?

If Mr. Davenport sees this, we're gonna be in a lot of trouble.

I got it.

If we destroy everything else in the academy,

he'll never even notice the capsules.

Bob, that is a horrible idea.

We don't have time to do all that.

Don't worry.

I've got something.

Does this look close?

That looks terrible.

You should try the duct tape.

Excuse me.

I'm judging the Ultimate Tailgate Challenge.

You mind if I take a look around?

Not at all, Big and Tall.

This is Perry's Meat Wagon.

Let's see, we've got hamburgers, hanger steak...

Wait. What kind of meat is that?

Hmm. Hard to tell.

On the way here, I took a shortcut through the zoo.

Can you believe it?

This people actually think I'm fun.

Me! I don't even think I'm fun.

Isn't college awesome?

I wouldn't know. I haven't talked to any of them

because you've been hogging all the attention.

But you know what? I have bionics, too.

Hey, guys, ever seen a cheerleader at super speed?

Two, four, six, eight, go...

( weakly ) State.

( all booing )

Don't worry. I'm still here.

( cheering )

Ooh, is it over?

Wait. It couldn't be.

I just got here.

Who's booing now?

- Go, Vikings. - Pioneers.

Pioneers. Go, Pioneers.

Hey, Perry, check this out.

And it's got satellite TV

with surround sound for your viewing pleasure.

Oh... anyone thirsty?

It dispenses 30 different kinds of beverages.

Who cares? Nobody likes drinks.

And when the Pioneers win...

( people cheering weakly )

I said when the Pioneers win...

( loud cheering )

Push this one little button, the hood pops up,

and we get a spectacular fireworks display.

You should probably just give me the tickets right now.

Well, clearly, your vehicle's the one to beat.

You know, we could combine our tailgates

so that we both win the tickets.

- Really? - Never!

Crank it up, Donald.

( dance music blaring )

Mom, you're supposed to be punishing her, not me.

Nice goin', Bob.

Replacing the broken capsules with the ones from the dorm was genius.

Yeah. So what if other students need them to survive.

That's tomorrow's problem.

Hey, I know we had fun today,

but do you think we might've taken things too far?

Absolutely. What's your point?

Well, I was thinking.

Even though we got away with it,

maybe next time, we shouldn't do something so destructive.

You're right.

BOTH: And that was Life Lessons With Bob and Adam.

Now back to breaking stuff.

Yeah!

Not my laptop, Bob.

Welcome back to the Ultimate Tailgate Challenge.

It's come down to these two finalists,

with the winner getting six tickets to the big game.

Oh, yeah, nothin' better than me and five empty seats.

( chanting ) Chase, Chase, Chase, Chase, Chase, Chase, Chase!

You hear that?

They're chanting my name,

and not because they're angry with me.

Great.

This was probably my one chance to have a college experience,

and you're having the day I wanted.

I know. Can you take some pictures?

Bree.

Bree, wait.

Look, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to steal your thunder.

But there's no reason we can't both have fun.

I have an idea.

Ready to do what no Mission Creek State student

has ever been able to do before?

Oh, yeah.

Whoo!

She got the Viking mascot head.

- That was epic, Bree. - ( all cheering )

However, it is technically stealing,

so I'm gonna have to return it

- to its rightful owner. - ( all booing )

Ah! And once again,

everything is right with the world.

M.C. State, M.C. State!

I'm out of mustard.

Can I trade you this bottle of ketchup?

I found it under a bridge, so you know it's good.

Sorry. We don't need your ketchup.

( growling )

This is what happens when you try to be nice.

Seriously? I just put this on!

( booing )

Leo, stop.

They think you're defacing the Pioneer mascot.

Oh, no. No!

- ( booing ) - The judge is coming over.

He's gonna think they're booing us.

He's not with us.

- Boo! - Come on!

Mom.

Sorry, honey.

I just really want those tickets.

Boo!!

Really? That's how it's gonna be?

Hey, Perry, want some help?

Yes. This is my number.

Give it to Mr. McGinest,

and tell him not to call after 9:00.

Dooley, these aren't right.

My kabobs need to be flame-broiled.

I got this.

Mm. That's delicious.

You just sacked my taste buds.

That's not fair. He's using bionics.

I gotta find a way to cook these things faster.

Throw some frank-burgers in the tailpipe.

I gotta find a way to turn the heat up.

Donald, be careful.

I'm fine. I just need to make it hotter.

That may have been the wrong button.

What do you mean, the wrong button?

Duck!

Oh, love the fireworks show.

Especially when it lit Pioneer Pete on fire.

Burn, Petey, burn!

Did I win?

And since there was so much fire damage to the stadium,

they had to cancel the game.

- You're going to the next one. - Yes, dear.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

My body paint is running...

off campus.

I should take one, too.

I still smell like Perry's diesel dogs.

Man, I can't believe you guys started a fire.

Talk about careless.

Very irresponsible.

Hey, guys, look, they're showing it on TV.

And since there's no game highlights to show you

please enjoy the most popular web clip of the week.

Whoa, those actors look just like us.