Original subtitles

You double-crossed me for the last time, Flo!

First I catch you smuggling fish sticks in your patios

and then you think you can walk all over me

just because you look debonair in a hairnet?

Well, hmm, well, I guess the hairnet's just for show.

Yew!

Okay, heads up, stay away from Principal Perry.

Trust me,

that's the first thing I tell myself

every morning when I wake up.

Really?

First thing I tell myself is

"Shaving cream only looks like food."

What's the matter, Flo, nervous?

You should be!

One more mess-up and I will take you out!

What are you looking at?

You keep asking me that question

and I'm still not sure I can give you an honest answer.

Mind your own business!

If I wanted to be stared at all day

I'd still be a catalog model for "Burt's Chainsaws."

Adam, what are you doing?

Why do you keep making faces like you're taking a selfie?

'Cause that girl Sabrina has been checking me out.

Ooh, here she comes.

Hey, Sabrina.

I couldn't help but notice you staring at me

from across the room.

Actually, I was looking at Chase.

Oh, a sense of humor.

I like it. So...

Chase, I wanted to talk to you about our chemistry project.

Sure, I'll do it for you.

Just give me your email

and I'll send it to you when I'm done.

No, I want to do the project with you.

I need a partner

and I was hoping you'd team up with me.

Uh...

Chase,

this is when you speak.

Um...

Yeah, yeah that sounds great.

Um, meet at my house after school?

Perfect.

Wow, that was awesome!

No one's ever asked me to partner with them before.

Especially a girl.

( shivering )

What'd you do that for?

I'm trying to wake myself up.

If a girl likes Chase over me, this has to be a nightmare.

ANNOUNCER: The world's first bionic superhumans.

They're stronger than us,

faster,

smarter.

The next generation of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

I can't believe

how fast you're putting this molecular model together.

I can't believe you're still here.

You know what I like about you,

besides being charming and funny?

Well, it would have to be something else

because he's neither of those.

You're nice, polite, and even though you're bionic,

you don't feel the need to impress me

with your muscles.

Probably because he doesn't have any.

Will you excuse me?

Would you give it up?

She likes me, not you.

Ha!

And you said I'd never get a girl.

This doesn't make any sense.

She's way out of your league.

She should like me.

Okay? I gave her my selfie face.

Girls can't resist this.

Well, she just did.

'Cause she likes me.

Not you, me.

Hey, sorry about Adam.

Now what do you say we get back to our atom?

I don't get it.

PRINCIPAL PERRY: ... and another thing!

I'm sick of carrying the weight around here.

You're useless!

What are you doing? Shh. Worthless!

There's actually a student or two I like more than you.

Principal Perry's yelling at Flo again.

It's getting ugly.

You disobeyed me for the last time!

I make the rules around here

and if you can't follow them,

then I'll put an end to this right now!

( grunting )

Did we just--

Did you just--

Did she just--

I think she just killed Flo.

PRINCIPAL PERRY: Oh no, it's all over me.

I better go clean this up.

Great.

My favorite pant suit.

The waist area is still good.

Oh! I can turn it into shorts.

What do we do?

We get out of here

before she turns those things into shorts.

Can you believe it? Chase has a girl over.

I had to shake her hand

to make sure she wasn't a hologram.

Mr. Davenport, can you be honest with me?

Am I not pretty?

Just be happy for him.

Chase is a sweet, sensitive guy

and obviously she likes that.

Let's just hope he doesn't get nervous

and mess it up.

That's right.

He could get nervous and mess it up.

Adam, don't do anything to ruin this for Chase.

Oh, don't worry.

I won't do anything.

Mr. Davenport,

you're not gonna believe what we just saw!

I know, Chase has a girl over.

No! It's Principal Perry!

Did something happen to her?

Is she okay? I mean I'm fine either way,

but...

She got rid of Flo, the lunch lady.

Oh, Leo, I'm sorry,

but people get fired every day.

Here, watch.

Here, I just fired Bob Macklin.

Oops. I sent that to Bob Martin. Hmm.

Oh well, they were both dead weight anyway.

Flo was not fired.

Principal Perry whacked her!

Yeah, they were arguing all day and then Perry just snapped.

Come with us, we can prove it to you.

Okay, guys,

I know Principal Perry has done some awful things,

but this is obviously a big misunderstanding.

I mean, do you really think

this is something she's capable of?

It's Principal Perry.

Think about it.

Come with me.

There's something under the bleachers

I need dug up and re-buried.

Let's pull up the school.

I want to see

if the sheriffs are still sniffing around for me.

Don't you have janitors to do this stuff for you?

Yeah, but they're at my house

trying to make something look like an accident.

What's wrong with you two? Of course, she did it.

Let's go.

I don't get it. There's no evidence anywhere.

She must have cleaned out to cover her tracks.

This was a complete waste of time.

The only crime here is that I'm late for pilates class.

You guys got me all worked up over nothing.

No!

( screams ) Oh! Oh!

What are you doing here?

School's been closed for hours.

She's wearing the shorts.

I don't know what's more disturbing,

the fact that she may have offed someone

or that she's showing that much leg.

Why are you sweating...

more than usual?

I was cleaning up.

There was an accident.

An accident?

Like an accident you diabolically planned?

Where's Flo?

Yeah, we saw you fighting with her earlier.

Well, we patched things up.

She's in a better place now.

A better place!

There's nothing to see here.

Move along.

So then you won't mind if we take a look around?

What's in the bags, Terry?

Bags?

What bags?

We know what's going on.

We saw everything you did.

You were yelling at Flo and then you started pounding.

( gasps ) You saw that?

Oh.

Well, now you know too much.

No one's leaving.

BOTH: No one's leaving!

Look, do whatever you want to us,

but please put on some pants.

It's beautiful.

And it only took us 4 hours to finish it.

Actually, it was 3 hours 47 minutes

or 13,620 seconds.

Four hours is good.

So I'll see you tomorrow at school?

Well, yeah, but I don't have to go home right away.

Oh.

You want to do Thursday's homework, too.

No, I was hoping I could just hang out.

Hang out, yes, right.

I keep forgetting you actually like me.

I'll get us some snacks.

Hey, guess what?

Sabrina's not just using me for help in school.

She actually wants to hang out with me.

Not you,

me. Me, me, me, me.

Me.

Hey, good for you.

And with all of your experience with girls,

you'll know just what to talk about.

Yes, I will.

Wait, what do I talk about?

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

I'd help, but she likes you, not me.

You, you, you, you.

You.

Hey, Sabrina, I just want to apologize

to both of you for my inappropriate,

yet hilarious comments earlier.

Actually glad you two are hitting it off.

Thanks.

Who knows?

You might even be Chase's first kiss.

First kiss?

Oh yeah.

I mean, he's never even talked to a girl before.

That's not true. I've had a girlfriend.

She was pretty.

She was really, really, really pretty.

I don't remember that. What was her name again?

Um...

Canada.

Canada?

She was-- she was from Canada.

Canada from Canada. Yikes.

It's okay to be nervous around girls.

I think it's cute.

Me too.

What are you laughing at, Goldilocks?

He's back.

Who's back?

( panting )

What's going on?

I don't know who you are, but Spikey likey.

( roaring )

I'm not sure which one of you ladies lives here,

but it could really use a man's touch.

( roaring )

Much better.

Adam, what's wrong with him?

What is wrong with him?

The guy's a total mess.

Let's get to know me.

I'm sensitive, caring, sensitive...

( crashing )

What else do you like about Chase?

Hey!

Back off, Pretty Boy.

That's Daddy's kitten.

Trust me, you don't want to do this.

You're right.

It'd be rude to make the lady watch me

rip out your intestines,

which is why we're gonna do it

over there.

Check this out, toots.

Wait, you think you can throw me across the room?

Good luck with thaaat!

Oh!

Okay, this has gone far enough.

Let us out.

I'm afraid I can't do that.

At least not until I jam this down your gullet.

She wants to watch us eat first.

You are one sick lady!

Go ahead, dig in.

Oh, I would, but I'm on a low carb thing--

Eat the meat, Don!

Mmm.

What's the matter?

It's a ring.

"Rusty and Flo forever."

That's the lunch lady's ring.

Oh no.

Okay, she did it. Let's get out of here.

Nobody's going anywhere!

I can't unlock it.

Well, then maybe you should use your bionic arm.

Right. I have that.

Oh no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not done with you yet.

Okay, but for the record, I always liked you.

It's the kids that hate your guts.

Hey, let's play catch.

I'll throw, you catch

with your face.

Ha-ha!

( both grunting )

Guys, please stop!

You're scaring me.

Don't worry, sweetheart.

It'll all be over soon.

Unless you want him to suffer.

Whatever the lady wants.

( groaning ) Okay, that hurt.

Don't break the molecule!

Oh, oh, that was close.

Sure was.

No!

Why would you do that?

Relax, princess.

I'll make you a new one.

Out of his spine.

You are so not who I thought you were.

I'm out of here.

You'll come back.

They always come back.

She is not coming back.

( beeping )

The molecule.

What happened in here?

And where's Sabrina?

Oh, no.

Did Spike show up?

So you don't remember anything.

Like you throwing me across the room? No.

Good, 'cause it never happened.

Wait.

You activated my commando app on purpose, didn't you?

Of course, I did.

Look who you're talking to.

Sabrina was the first girl who's ever shown

any interest in me and you ruined it.

Thanks a lot.

Sorry I had to do that with the salad tongs.

But you're the one who ran.

It doesn't matter, the jig is up.

I'm sure Leo and Bree have called the police by now.

No, don't get them involved.

I can explain.

What's to explain?

You offed Flo and now you're after me.

What?

No!

I might have shoved her face

into the grill of a pickup truck a few times,

but that's just a couple of gals having fun.

She is my business partner.

Your what?

We're opening a food truck together.

Since you were here I thought maybe you would invest.

That's why I had you taste the burgers.

Ohh.

Look, when you spit out Flo's ring I panicked.

It must have fallen in when we were mixing the patties.

Then I figured you would never back me.

So that's why you kept me here, to explain?

Yes, and then if you didn't understand,

I was gonna kill you.

Kidding. Kidding.

If I wanted you gone

I'd have done that a long time ago.

Well, it was one of the best burgers

I've ever tasted.

Tell you what,

I will consider investing on two conditions.

One, I get credit for everything.

And two, you explain to me

what makes the Davenburger so tasty.

Sorry, Don,

we're already locked in on "Perry Patties,"

but I will keep you in mind for Daventenders.

Oh.

Let me show you

my top secret method of preparation

Hand me that mallet.

I called the police.

And I've got a weapon.

Leo, you're bionic.

Gah! I keep forgetting.

Hey, where's Big D?

I thought he was with you.

PRINCIPAL PERRY: This is it, Donny.

Say good-bye to everything

you ever knew.

BOTH: No! No!

It really makes a difference when you tenderize the meat

with lots of brute force.

What?

What is going on?

Oh, hey, you're just in time.

Perry's showing me how to pound some round.

It's really disturbing. You can't look away.

( grunting )

Wait.

So this whole thing was about making hamburgers?

Yeah, she and Flo are opening a food truck.

BOTH: Ohh.

Oh.

We're gonna open a regular restaurant.

Then we figured the health inspector's

gonna come after us anyway.

Might as well put some wheels under us.

She's picking up the truck now.

They came up with the perfect recipe.

There was a lot of arguing, but we finally got it.

My secret ingredient is rage.

Hey, Chase.

Ugh!

Look, I've been thinking about what I did to you and Sabrina

and I feel kind of bad.

Kind of bad?

You ruined my social life forever.

Chase, to be fair,

you kind of have to have a social life for me to ruin it.

Look,

I only did it because I was jealous.

You were jealous of me?

I know, right? I still can't believe it myself.

But I want to make it up to you.

So I explained everything to Sabrina

and I told her you're the most sensitive,

good-hearted dude I know.

Okay? She'd be lucky to have a guy like you.

That's it?

No insult?

Nope.

And she wants to see you again tonight.

Wow, thank you. I can't believe you did that for me.

It must have been really hard for you.

Oh, it was. Worst moment of my life.

And I had to rebuild your molecule.

You rebuilt the whole thing?

Yep.

Uh, Adam, this isn't a molecule.

It's a wiener dog.

You see science your way, I see it my way.

That's a molecule.

Flo, I've got good news and bad news.

Good news is I found your ring.

Bad news is I sold it for gas money.

So there's one thing that's still bothering us.

If everything we saw was about a stupid food truck,

why were you acting so paranoid?

Because Flo and I may have borrowed

1,600 pounds of cafeteria meat.

I guess that all actually makes sense.

Did you two really think

I would brutally dispose of someone

and hide the evidence?

Yes. Absolutely.

Wow.

You really get me.