Original subtitles

Adam, stop!

I told you, my weight set broke

and I need you to be my barbell.

And please, don't scream this time,

it's distracting.

Adam, put him down. That's how people get hurt.

Hmm, good point.

I should probably stretch first.

Man, I'm so tired of him.

So far this week I've been his weight set,

his football, and his jump rope.

On the bright side you've never looked more fit.

I'm serious.

He's always using his strength to make my life miserable.

Why don't you get even?

How?

None of my abilities can compete with his strength.

And it's hard to torture him with brain teasers

when he doesn't have a brain.

Maybe I can unlock a new ability.

Give you something you've never had before,

the upper hand.

Yes! Let's do it.

No, let's not. Absolutely finito. Forget it.

Why not?

Because I said so.

You live under my roof, you play by my rules.

End of discussion.

"You live under my roof, you play by my--"

DONALD: I can hear you!

All right, Chase, my hammies are loose.

I'm ready for round two.

Uh, uh, uh, Mr. Davenport said

you can't bench press me anymore.

Yeah, but he didn't say anything about you

being my shot-put.

Come on, let's go for gold!

Starting with sprints.

I like it.

ANNOUNCER: The world's first bionic superhumans,

they're stronger than us,

faster, smarter.

The next generation of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

Douglas, you have to unlock a new ability for me.

Adam just put on boxing gloves

and tried to hook me to the ceiling.

I'm sorry, Donnie said no.

But look, I feel your pain.

When we were kids,

he'd push me around all the time.

Then I outgrew him.

Then you got the upper hand?

No, he invented a robot to beat me up.

Fisto Roboto was as cruel as he was calculating.

Well, if you know what it's like

then why won't you help me?

Sorry, Chase, he said no.

And I've got to stay on his good side

or else he'll cut off my allowance.

I'm saving up to buy a car.

You know, in case I have to live in it.

You know what? Fine, I get it.

Mr. Davenport is smarter

and older and he controls you.

He doesn't control me,

he just tells me what to do and when to--

Okay, you're on!

Let's unlock a new ability.

But first, grab a bat.

You and me are gonna pay

a little visit to Fisto Roboto.

Yes!

( slurping )

Ahh.

( sighs )

I am so glad to be home.

I just worked a twelve-hour shift

at Tech Town.

I hear ya.

It's been pretty crazy around here, too.

I made a pitcher of iced tea,

but then I changed the water filter,

so I had to go back

and make another pitcher of iced tea,

but then I realized I forgot the lemons...

Like I said, it's been a whirlwind.

Well, it's better than being badgered by tech nerds

obsessed with our stupid contest.

Contest? What contest?

( sighs )

We're about to hit our one millionth customer,

and whoever that is wins the grand prize:

an all-expense paid trip to go meet Tech Town's founder,

Franz Minsk.

Wait. Wait.

Wait, wait.

The Franz Minsk?

The man who's designing

a billion dollar tech theme park

with the world's first anti-gravity roller coaster?

No, the other Franz Minsk.

Oh, man.

I've always wanted to meet him.

This is the coolest contest ever.

Maybe I can be the first person

to throw up on his roller coaster.

Leo, with your delicate little stomach,

you'll probably throw up in line.

Oh, I am winning that contest.

How close are you to a million?

I have no idea.

You just have to buy something and hope you're lucky.

Hmm, well,

maybe a hundred dollar bill

will ensure I get lucky.

You do not have a hundred dollar bill.

Touché.

Okay, we have to be quick before Donnie gets back.

Yeah.

This... Ow!

will let me look through your list of hidden abilities

and see which one to give you.

Why don't you just give me 'em all?

No way.

The human body can only take so much.

It's-- It's like a water balloon.

You fill it up too much and--

Well, I don't want to spend the night

scraping Chase chunks off the ceiling.

Hmm, let's see,

uh, night vision?

Nah, your phone has a flashlight.

Acid spit? Fun.

Oh, but if you drool in your sleep,

you could melt your face off.

No...

Oh. (laughs)

No.

Ooh, no.

Yes!

I got it.

Awesome! Wait.

This isn't gonna hurt, is it?

Well, it's not gonna hurt me.

Well, Bree, apparently calculating receipts properly

isn't one of your bionic abilities.

Sorry, Scott.

Guess I'm just not management material.

If you're a superhuman,

remind me again why you still work

a part-time job for minimum wage?

Because I am trying to hold on to a tiny bit

of my normal teenage life.

You? Normal? Ha!

Hmm.

And because I want to be a people person, like you.

Just remember, around here...

I'm the superhero.

Hey, Leo, what are you doing here?

I'm here for the contest.

I told you, you have to buy something.

Oh, well, I have been in the market

for some AA batteries.

Ooh, alkaline. Fancy.

Ring 'em up.

Fine. That's $4.99.

Sorry, you're not a winner.

I'll take another.

Sorry, you're not a winner.

Nope.

Uh-huh.

Sorry.

You know these are a choking hazard, right?

Thank you for the warning.

It wasn't a warning.

Oh, no.

Adam's in here.

I sure hope he doesn't try to bench press me

or throw me across the room.

Like right now.

Tiny dough-like body just begging to get hurt.

Not now, Chase, I'm busy.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to figure out which is scarier, okay?

One hundred duck-sized horses

or one giant horse-sized duck.

Well, I bet they could both take you in a fight.

Ooh!

Chase, that wasn't even an option,

I need you to take this seriously, okay?

I'm thinking it's the massive duck--

Just hit me.

If you keep interrupting me, I'm going to hit you.

Then do it.

That wasn't interrupting.

In order to interrupt someone, you actually have--

Just hit me.

There it is!

What's that?

Laser Bow.

It's my new ability.

That's not a new ability, that's a giant glow stick.

But you hang on to it.

We'll need it on Halloween when we cross the street.

( groans )

Hey!

None of this would've happened if you hadn't interrupted me!

Excuse me, ma'am. Do you work here?

Oh, good. You're here to not win again.

Actually, I'm broke.

So I'm here to return everything I bought.

Hyah!

Wait.

You're gonna make me put all of those back on the shelf?

No. That'd be crazy.

I'm gonna leave them right here

so I can re-buy them.

Watch it!

Ugh, it's you.

Didn't I ban you from this store?

Ooh, I've been banned from a lot of places.

Movie theaters, churches, Detroit.

And if the great state of Michigan

can't keep me out, what chance do you have?

Fine.

How can I help you in a way that'll make you leave

as soon as possible?

Another one of your Internet boxes conked out on me.

Funny how that always seems to happen

on the last day of the warranty.

Yeah, that's probably something you should look into.

Ohh.

What?!

Is that...(sniffs)... chicken grease?

Stay out of my personal life!

Now just sprinkle some of your geek dust on it and fix it.

Bree, I'm gonna leave this in your incapable hands.

What are you doing here, Dooley?

Shouldn't you be at home disappointing your parents?

Shouldn't you be at the food court

stealing other people's lunches?

I don't steal, I graze.

What are you hiding?

I can smell your fear.

That's not fear, that's chicken grease.

Keep buying, everyone!

One of you could be moments away

from meeting Franz Minsk.

Now the winner gets to meet him,

but I keep the cutout.

I need a "plus one" for...everything.

Oh, I get it.

You want to win the contest.

What? No, no, I don't.

Yes, you do.

And if you want to win, then I want to win.

Why? Why would you do that?

Perhaps we haven't met. Terry Perry.

Professional dream crusher.

ADAM: Try to get me now, Chase.

Adam, what are you doing?

I'm taunting you

from the safety of my battle bubble.

This way I can get you, but you can't get me.

Watch.

( loud pop )

Is the bubble still around me?

Yep, you're good.

This won't hurt one bit.

Chase, what is going on?

Ooh, you're in trouble.

You want to borrow what's left of my battle bubble?

You went behind my back

and you gave Chase a new ability?

I was only trying to help.

Look, I know you're mad,

but at least I'm not trying to abduct the kids anymore.

That's true.

He hasn't committed a felony in weeks.

Days. Days.

Wait, you gave him a new ability?

Well, don't expect a mug on Father's Day.

Oh, darn, I already ordered it!

Guys, can you give us a second?

Yeah. Thanks, guys. Hey, don't worry.

You're getting a mug, too.

I meant you and Chase.

Fine, then nobody's getting a mug.

Oh, darn, I already ordered 'em!

I knew it was a mistake letting you stay here.

You're right.

This is all your fault.

I forgive you, let's move on.

Ah-uh-uh-uh. No.

Oh, come on, Donnie, what's the big deal?

The big deal is you messed with their bionics.

I just gave him a little boost.

I felt bad for the kid.

I know what it's like to be the younger,

much smarter brother.

Oh, now I get it.

So because you have an axe to grind with me,

you give him a new ability

and upset the whole balance of power in the house.

Did you ever stop to think

how it will affect their teamwork on missions?

I...

did not.

Don't worry, I can fix this.

How? It's not like you can take the ability back.

What are you gonna do? Get rid of the kids and start from scratch?

No.

Is that on the table?

Sorry, you're still a loser.

Don't need a register to tell you that.

How can you afford all of this?

Big D stopped paying you off.

It's worth the $40,000 in credit card debt

just to see you lose.

Okay, folks!

I'm not supposed to say anything

because it could trigger a dangerous buying frenzy,

but we're nearing our one millionth customer!

Hey, Scott,

is now a bad time to give my two weeks notice?

Make it one week and you got yourself a deal.

Back off, bub,

or you're gonna get a taste of a Danish shoe.

And whatever's on the bottom.

Probably Danish.

Nope, that's not Danish.

Adam, I'm sorry I went overboard with my new ability.

But having that kind of strength is exhilarating.

See, now you understand why I beat on you all day long.

Hey, I hope this brings us closer.

Look, now that I've made my point,

can we just agree that things need to go back to being normal?

Sure.

Put 'er there, bro.

( inhales )

( Chase groaning )

What was that?

Oh, my new pressurized lung capacity,

or as I like to call it, My Blow Thingy.

How did you do that?

Well, Douglas wanted to make things right between us

so he unlocked a new ability for me.

I wanted machine guns in my eyebrows,

but he said I'd get headaches.

I thought you just agreed that

things should go back to being normal.

Well, they are.

I'm more powerful than you again

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Oh, there's definitely something I can do about it.

Oh, silly Chase.

Your glow thingy is no match for my blow thingy.

We're getting closer!

Closer!

Oh, come on!

Even closer!

Gotta be faster than that, Dooley.

Look! Robotic cats!

Ooh, where?

Ring me up, Scottie.

( alarm blaring )

Oh! I was gonna pay for it!

Congratulations!

You're Tech Town's one millionth customer!

Yes!

Yes! I won!

Yes.

But unfortunately relatives of employees are ineligible.

What?!

Bree...

did you know about this?

I've only got one week left.

I'm pretty much checked out.

Looks like someone didn't read page eight,

section four of the terms and conditions.

By default, the prize goes to the next customer, who is--

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

Oh, goodness, it won.

I get to meet Frank Moskowitz!

It's Franz Minsk.

Call him whatever you want. You're not gonna meet him.

So you fixed everything with Adam and Chase?

Yep, not to worry.

Everything is back to normal.

Adam! Chase! Stop it, now!

What was that?!

Pressurized lung capacity. Pretty cool, huh?

Will you two stop?

I thought you said everything was back to normal!

Duck!

It is.

Adam has the upper hand, balance is restored.

It's called parenting, Donnie.

Feel free to take notes.

Oops.

I ask you to make things better

and you make things worse, as usual.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like when we were kids, it's always my fault.

Mm-hmm. "He didn't do the dishes.

"He left my bike out.

"He reanimated my dead gerbil

and now it's a monster."

Well, it was!

You should've let Herman rest in peace!

You know what? All you did was make the situation more dangerous.

You're like a destabilizer when it touches plastic.

I think you mean metal.

You know what? I think you're right.

Aaaah!

Wow. That was harsh.

Yeah.

It's ugly when brothers fight, isn't it?

Yeah, but with you guys it's also dangerous

'cause you're super old and you could die.

Look, I know you two are polar opposites,

but you're brothers

and you have to start learning to respect each other.

Oh, you mean like you two do?

Well, Douglas and I, you know, that's different.

Look, we're adults

and we've earned the right to act like children.

This behavior has got to stop.

Okay.

We get it.

Good one, Donnie. Way to nail 'em.

Oh, no. You're not off the hook.

You can't just go around handing out bionic abilities.

But that's why they like me more than you.

Look, I know you're trying to help,

but you have to let me take the lead

when it comes to the kids.

Okay, fine.

I'm sorry.

From now on, any major decisions

have to go by me first.

Absolutely.

But we're gonna have to start that tomorrow

'cause I kinda made Bree invisible.

ALL: What?

BREE: It's true.

I've been standing here the whole time.

Oh! Oh, I got her.

I got-- No, that's air.

That was air.

I can't believe Principal Perry won.

I'm never gonna meet Franz Minsk,

I'm never gonna ride his roller coaster.

Well, Leo, some dreams die over time.

And some die quickly in the hands of a ginger-domed witch.

( ringtones play )

Check it out, Dooley!

Me and Frankie are riding the anti-gravity coaster!

Uh-oh!

I knew I shouldn't have had that third funnel cake!

( retching )

That should be me vomiting up there!

( boing )