Original subtitles

GREETINGS, PUKE PUDDLES!

TOMORROW IS "YEARBOOK PHOTO DAY"

AND, WHILE I'M NOT SURE WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT

A RECORD OF THIS AWKWARD PHASE OF YOUR LIVES--

UHHH--

I'LL BE YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER.

OH, AND DON'T BLINK,

'CAUSE HOMIE DON'T DO RETAKES! HA HA!

WELL, THAT SETTLES THAT.

I AM SO GETTING MY HAIR DONE RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.

OH! CAN YOU BRING ME BACK SOME CLIPPINGS OFF THE FLOOR?

I NEED 'EM TO FINISH BUILDING MY "TAJ MAHAIR."

WHERE DID ALL OF THAT HAIR COME FROM?

PETS, SHOWER DRAINS, BRUSHES--

IF YOU WANT IT, YOU CAN GET IT.

WELL, THAT IS DISGUSTING.

YEAH. WELL, IF YOU THINK THAT'S GROSS,

WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE "BUCKINGHAIR PALACE."

WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED ABOUT A STUPID YEARBOOK PHOTO?

I AM STILL TRYING TO LIVE DOWN LAST YEAR'S PICTURE

WHEN I WASN'T READY FOR THE FLASH AND MY EYES GLITCHED.

All: UGHH.

BREE, YOUR ZOMBIE PICTURE WAS THE LEAST OF THE PROBLEMS WITH THE YEARBOOK.

PERRY PHOTO-BOMBED EVERY GROUP PICTURE.

DRAMA CLUB...

CHEERLEADERS... MMM.

SWIM TEAM--

NO! NO, NO, NO!

NONE OF US NEED TO SEE THAT AGAIN.

( bell rings )

Boy: MOVE THIRTY-TWO! HUT! HUT!

YEAH! BOOM! YEAH!

TRENT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

USING FOOTBALL PRACTICE AS AN EXCUSE

TO KNOCK OVER INNOCENT BYSTANDERS.

BUT IT'S NOT EVEN FOOTBALL SEASON.

TRUE, BUT IT'S ALWAYS TACKLING SEASON.

HEADS UP!

All: AAAAH!

WHAAA! AAH!

UHHH.

LET ME HELP YOU UP.

YEAH, RIGHT. I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT.

OH, DON'T WORRY. I'M ONLY BEING NICE 'CAUSE I NEED SOMETHING.

YOU GUYS...

ARE GONNA HELP ME PASS MY HISTORY TEST.

YOU DON'T EVEN TAKE HISTORY.

THE ONLY CLASS YOU HAVE LEFT IS PHYSICS.

AND SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE ABOUT TAKING TESTS?

THERE IS A LOT ABOUT ME YOU DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE MANY LAYERS.

I AM VERY DENSE.

HMM. YES.

YES, YOU ARE.

LOOK, PERRY SAYS I CAN'T FAIL AGAIN.

OH, BUT YOU CAN. IT'S KIND OF YOUR THING.

COME ON, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME KIND OF TRICK.

LIKE, WHAT'S THAT THING YOU DO THAT MAKES YOU PASS TESTS?

IT'S CALLED STUDYING.

WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

HOW ABOUT THIS?

WE HELP YOU PASS,

YOU MOVE FOOTBALL PRACTICE BACK OUTSIDE.

YEAH. I GUESS I COULD DO THAT.

HMM. THAT WAS EASY.

COME ON, GUYS, WE'RE TAKING THIS OUTSIDE.

AND WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME TACKLING DUMMIES...

( all shouting ) NO! NO!

NO! NO!

THE WORLD'S FIRST BIONIC SUPERHUMANS--

THEY'RE STRONGER THAN US...

FASTER, SMARTER.

THE NEXT GENERATION OF THE HUMAN RACE IS...

LIVING IN MY BASEMENT?!

♪♪

MAN, I CAN'T STAND TRENT.

WHY DO WE HAVE TO HELP HIM PASS HIS TEST?

BECAUSE HE'S BIG AND WE'RE SMALL.

BECAUSE PERRY LIKES HIM AND HATES US.

BECAUSE HE HAS ALL THE POWER AND WE DON'T.

I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON.

YOU KNOW, SINCE HE NEEDS OUR HELP,

TECHNICALLY WE HAVE THE POWER IN THE SITUATION.

WE CONTROL WHAT HE LEARNS.

AH, YES. I'M GONNA SPEAK IN A TONE THAT SUGGESTS

I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS,

BUT WAIT FOR YOU TO TELL ME MORE.

THESE ARE DAVENGLASSES.

GEE, SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE THEIR NAME ON EVERYTHING.

THEY'RE A SUBLIMINAL LEARNING DEVICE

THAT HELPS THE USER RAPIDLY MEMORIZE

ANY PROGRAMMED INFORMATION.

HERE, CHECK OUT DEMO MODE.

( glasses beep ) Donald: THE WORLD KNOWS DONALD DAVENPORT

AS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL TECH MOGUL OF SILICON VALLEY,

BUT HE'S SO MUCH MORE.

A TRUE FASHIONISTA,

HE'S EVEN ABLE TO MAKE SEQUINS MANLY.

LET'S HAVE A LOOK.

NO, LET'S NOT HAVE A LOOK.

OKAY, THOSE ARE COOL AND ALL,

BUT HOW ARE THEY GONNA HELP US WITH TRENT?

WE'LL GET EVEN WITH HIM BY PROGRAMMING THE GLASSES WITH FAKE FACTS.

THE GLASSES SAID THAT BIG D LOOKS MANLY.

THEY'RE ALREADY FILLED WITH FAKE FACTS.

IN A WORLD OVERTAKEN BY WARM BREAD,

ONE MAN MUST TAKE ON BAKED GOODS ALONE.

ADAM DAVENPORT IS...

THE TOASTMASTER.

HEY, ADAM. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY HAIR?

I HOPE YOU KEPT YOUR RECEIPT, 'CAUSE IT LOOKS UNEVEN.

AAH!

WHAT DID YOU DO?!

I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO.

YOUR HAIR WAS COLLATERAL DAMAGE TO A WORLD GONE MAD!

THE YEARBOOK PICTURE IS TOMORROW.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT MY HAIR?

WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU SHOULD PUT ON A HAT.

IT'S REALLY OFFENSIVE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO THE SALON

AND GET THE SAME HAIRCUT ON THE OTHER SIDE?

YOU BURNED IT OFF!

A SALON CAN'T FIX THIS!

WELL, THEN WHY ARE YOU PAYING 'EM ALL THAT MONEY?

MR. DAVENPORT!

WOW! YOU LOOK AWFUL.

WHAT, DID YOU LOSE A BET?

NO, ADAM DID THIS.

WHY WOULD YOU LET ADAM CUT YOUR HAIR?

THAT'S ON YOU, GIRLY.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. BUT YOU CAN FIX THIS, RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE SOME KIND OF FANCY DAVENPORT HAIR GROWTH SOLUTION.

WHY WOULD I HAVE THAT?

I DON'T KNOW, BECAUSE YOU WEAR THAT CRAZY WIG.

THIS IS MY REAL HAIR.

OH, THAT'S EVEN SADDER.

WELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE A YEARBOOK PHOTO TOMORROW

WITH HALF OF MY HAIR MISSING?

WELL, IT CAN'T BE ANY WORSE THAN LAST YEAR.

URRR...URRR...

I'M KIDDING. DON'T WORRY, I'M SURE I CAN MODIFY

SOME OVER-THE-COUNTER HAIR GROWTH SERUM

TO REGROW YOUR HAIR OVERNIGHT.

I'M KIND OF BUSY, BUT I CAN PROBABLY GO LATER--

(demonic voice) DO IT NOW!!!

SO COME ON-- WIG, RIGHT?

OHH!

( doorbell ) ( giggles )

THAT'S TRENT!

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU LAUGH LIKE THAT

I CAN SEE HOW TRENT PICKS ON YOU.

AND AS MUCH AS I WANT TO GET EVEN WITH HIM,

ISN'T THIS JUST GONNA BLOW UP IN OUR FACE WHEN HE FAILS THE TEST?

OR MAYBE HE'LL NEVER WANT OUR HELP AGAIN.

JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO A BAD JOB WITH THE DISHES

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO 'EM ANYMORE.

HEY, THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE OF MY SENSITIVE SKIN.

THESE DANDY HANDS DON'T DANCE IN DISHWATER.

( doorbell )

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE THIS QUICK. I GOT A FULL SCHEDULE TONIGHT.

OF WHAT, TERRORIZING KIDS AND DESTROYING PRIVATE PROPERTY?

YEAH.

OKAY, TRENT, SINCE YOU ASKED US

TO HELP YOU STUDY FOR YOUR TEST,

WE DECIDED TO LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET

AS TO HOW WE STUDY AND GET GOOD GRADES.

IS YOUR SECRET HAVING NO FRIENDS AND BEING BAD AT SPORTS?

HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

THIS GUY...

LOOK, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS WEAR THESE SPECIAL GLASSES FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS.

THESE WILL IMPLANT FACTS INTO YOUR BRAIN.

I DON'T NEED THE "FACTS," I NEED THE ANSWERS.

THOSE ARE IN THERE, TOO. MM-HMM.

( glasses beep )

Chase's voice: HERE IS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT PHYSICS.

Leo's voice: KINETIC ENERGY

IS THE STUDY OF ENERGY IN CONNECTICUT.

DUH. WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT?

Chase: SIR ISAAC NEWTON CHOPPED DOWN HIS FATHER'S CHERRY TREE

AND THEN LIED ABOUT IT.

OH. I THOUGHT THAT WAS GEORGE WASHINGTON.

Leo: THERMAL EXPANSION OCCURS

WHEN YOU EAT SOMETHING HOT AND GET HUGE.

MY DAD HAS THAT!

THESE ARE AWESOME!

IT'S JUST LIKE TV EXCEPT WITHOUT COMMERCIALS,

OR MY MOM TELLING ME TO PUT ON PANTS.

OKAY, I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY ACCELERATED

THIS OVER-THE-COUNTER HAIR GROWTH CREAM TO WORK MUCH FASTER.

WELL, IS IT GONNA WORK IN TIME FOR THE YEARBOOK PICTURE TOMORROW?

IF IT DOESN'T, YOU CAN ALWAYS WEAR MR. DAVENPORT'S WIG.

IT'S NOT A WIG!

OHH. FINE. TOUPEE.

LOOK, THE HAIR SHOULD REGROW OVERNIGHT. DON'T WORRY.

I'M NOT WORRIED.

(demonic voice) YOU SHOULD BE!!!

THAT IS PURE, UNBRIDLED GIRL ANGER.

FEAR IT.

(ringtones play) OH.

SHOOT, I HAVE A CONFERENCE CALL WITH TOKYO.

I FORGOT THEY'RE A DAY AHEAD.

A DAY AHEAD? ASK 'EM WHAT I'M GONNA HAVE FOR BREAKFAST TOMORROW.

AND IT BETTER NOT BE OATMEAL.

LOOK, JUST APPLY A LITTLE MORE AND YOU SHOULD BE GOOD.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

THERE. I THINK I GOT ALL OF IT.

CAN YOU CHECK TO MAKE SURE I DIDN'T MISS A SPOT? SURE.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT THERE.

UH-OH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "UH-OH"?

UH...

OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK SO GOOD.

HEY, IT WORKED.

REALLY?

AAAAH!

WHAT IS WRONG?

AAAAAH!!!

WHAT?!

AAAAH!!!

AAHH....

WAIT. ARE YOU SCREAMING BECAUSE WE SCREAMED

OR BECAUSE YOU SAW HOW UGLY YOU LOOKED?

HAS TRENT GOT HIS TEST RESULTS YET?

NO, BUT HE'S ABOUT TO.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE WHEN HE FINDS OUT

HOW BADLY HE DID.

YOU DO KNOW HE'S GONNA COME AFTER US

AND WE CAN'T OUTRUN HIM, RIGHT?

OH. I DON'T HAVE TO OUTRUN HIM.

I JUST HAVE TO OUTRUN YOU.

WELL, TRENT, I GOT THE SCORE BACK ON YOUR PHYSICS TEST.

YOU GOT A HUNDRED PERCENT-- YES!!!

OF THE ANSWERS WRONG.

( mouthing words )

WAIT. WHAT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I GOT HELP FROM DOOLEY AND NOT-DOOLEY.

THEY EVEN GAVE ME THESE MAGIC LEARNING GLASSES.

MAGIC LEARNING GLASSES?

THAT'S DUMB EVEN FOR YOU.

WAIT, I DON'T GET IT. THEY LEARNED ME THINGS.

THEY SET YOU UP, FEATHER-BRAIN!

UHHH!

WHEN I FIND THEM, I AM GONNA DO THIS TO THEM!

EXCEPT IT'S GONNA TAKE LONGER AND BE A LOT MORE PAINFUL.

HEY!

SMOKEY! BANDIT! GET DOWN HERE!

I HOPE YOU TWO ARE HAPPY.

WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED,

I WOULD SAY WE FEEL ECSTATIC.

WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE, LEO?

I FEEL COMPLETE.

WELL, ENJOY THAT VICTORY,

BECAUSE IF TRENT HAD PASSED THAT CLASS,

HE WOULD HAVE FINALLY GRADUATED.

STILL FEEL COMPLETE? ( clicks tongue )

WAIT, SO THAT MEANS--

WE MISSED OUR CHANCE TO GET RID OF TRENT FOREVER.

THERE YOU ARE. I'M GONNA CHOP YOU DOWN

LIKE SIR ISAAC NEWTON'S CHERRY TREE.

I MAY BE SLOW, BUT I KNOW HOW TO PLAY DIRTY!

YAH! OOH!

( growls )

AAAH!!!

PRINCIPAL PERRY, HELP! TRENT IS CHASING US!

AAAH! GET OFF ME!

THE STATE SAYS I CAN'T FIGHT BACK,

BUT IF I CARED WHAT THE STATE SAID,

I WOULDN'T HAVE WALLPAPERED MY KITCHEN WITH PARKING TICKETS!

LOOK, WE'RE SORRY FOR SETTING TRENT UP.

JUST PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE.

WE'LL HELP HIM STUDY. FOR REAL THIS TIME.

DON'T TRUST HIM! IT'S A TRAP!

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.

FOOL ME TWICE...

I'M GONNA HIT YOU!

NAH-UHH!

WELL, SINCE IT WASN'T TECHNICALLY TRENT'S FAULT,

HE CAN RETAKE THE TEST TOMORROW.

OOH! BURNED!

'CAUSE OF YOU TWO, I GOTTA TAKE ANOTHER TEST.

WAIT. WHAT?!

THAT GIVES YOU TWO THE REST OF THE DAY TO HELP HIM STUDY.

SO YOU DON'T CARE IF WE SKIP OUR CLASSES TODAY?

I CARE VERY LITTLE ABOUT YOU.

I'VE ALREADY MISSED HALF OF SCHOOL, AND MY PICTURE IS THIS AFTERNOON!

MY LIFE IS OVER!

I'M JUST GONNA DROP OUT AND SELL TRINKETS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

HONEY, NOBODY WOULD BUY ANYTHING FROM YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT.

FIX MY FACE!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG.

I TRIPLE-CHECKED THE FORMULA, AND IT'S CORRECT.

OKAY, WELL THEN WHY DO I LOOK LIKE A GENERAL FROM THE CIVIL WAR?

THE ONLY OTHER EXPLANATION IS THAT THE CREAM WAS APPLIED INCORRECTLY.

HOW MUCH DID YOU USE?

I ONLY USED A LITTLE BIT, LIKE YOU SAID.

AND THEN ADAM DID THE BACK--

OHH. OHH.

HOLD ON.

HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I'D JUST FALLEN ASLEEP IN MATH CLASS.

HOW MUCH OF THAT HAIR CREAM DID YOU USE ON ME?

ALL OF IT.

WHAT?! WHAT?!

WELL, I ACCIDENTALLY SQUEEZED OUT TOO MUCH,

AND I DIDN'T WANT HAIRY HANDS, SO I HAD TO WIPE IT SOMEWHERE.

OH, MAN, NOW I DO WANT HAIRY HANDS.

I CANNOT GET MY YEARBOOK PICTURE TAKEN LOOKING LIKE THIS.

WELL, IF YOU DO, I WANT AN 8 x 10,

TWO COFFEE MUGS AND A MOUSE PAD.

I WILL LOOK FOR A MORE PERMANENT SOLUTION,

BUT FOR NOW JUST CUT OFF THE EXCESS HAIR FOR THE PHOTO.

OKAY, BUT HURRY UP! I CAN'T BE SEEN LIKE THIS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT PEOPLE WILL CALL ME?

MEAN PEOPLE MIGHT CALL YOU "SPARKY THE DOG-FACE GIRL,"

BUT I'D CALL YOU "POOCHES THE DOG-FACE GIRL"

BECAUSE THAT'S A GIRL'S NAME.

PRESSURE EQUALS FORCE...

OVER...?

WHAT IS THAT?

TRENTOSAURUS REX.

I'M ABOUT TO EAT YOU.

OKAY. MAYBE HE'S MORE OF A VISUAL LEARNER.

SO THIS DEMONSTRATES CONSERVATION OF MOMENTUM.

ARE YOU DRAWING ANOTHER TRENTOSAURUS REX?

NO!

IT'S A TRENTODACTYL.

GUESS WHAT HE EATS.

YOU'RE HOPELESS.

OH, REALLY?

UHH! OHH!

HA HA HA!

NOW THAT'S CONSERVATION OF MOMENTUM.

I'M STARTING TO THINK HE ONLY LEARNS WHEN PEOPLE GET HURT.

WE CAN USE THAT!

I DIDN'T MEAN WHEN I GET HURT!

OKAY, SO HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

FOR EVERY QUESTION YOU ANSWER CORRECTLY,

YOU GET TO SPIN THE GYROSCOPE.

THE MORE YOU GET RIGHT, THE MORE LEO SUFFERS.

WAIT. WHAT?

AWESOME!

NOPE, NOT AWESOME. Chase: OKAY,

FIRST QUESTION. HOW DO YOU CALCULATE FORCE?

OH! I KNOW THIS ONE!

UH, MASS TIMES...

PICTURE LEO SPINNING FAST...

ACCELERATION!

HE'S RIGHT!

NOPE. NOPE.

HA HA HA HA HA HA! NO...NO...

NO!!!

UH-OHHHHH...

AAAAH!

TORQUE. RIGHT!

YAHHH! STOP THE SPINNING!

AAAHHH!

APPLIED FORCE?

RIIIIGHT!

AAAH!

AAAAAH!!!!

KINETIC ENERGY!!!

HE'S RIGHT!

AAAAH! AAAHHH!!!!

WHOO!

GIVE HIM A HARD ONE!

WHOA!!!

SO, WHAT THEME DO YOU WANT?

"MOMMY'S PRECIOUS BABY"?

WAAAAA!

"GIANT NOVELTY CRAYON"?

RRRRRR!

OR MY PERSONAL FAVORITE,

"PERRY-ON-A-STICK"?

WATCH OUT, SQUAT-LOG!

UM, I WOULD JUST LIKE A NORMAL PHOTO, PLEASE.

WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET A NORMAL FACE.

HA HA HA!

OH...

CAN WE HURRY THIS UP? PUT IT IN PARK.

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE MOST UNFLATTERING SETTINGS.

PLEASE! I CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER!

SETTLE DOWN!

THIS IS NOT A STATE-OF-THE-ART CAMERA.

I BORROWED IT FROM THE CIVIL WAR MUSEUM.

TAKE THE PICTURE!

ALL RIGHT, ON THE COUNT OF THREE SAY,

"I'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING."

ONE, TWO, THREE.

YEECH.

LOOKS LIKE YOU BROUGHT YOUR OWN PROPS.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, YOU GOT YOURSELF A COVER PAGE.

OOH! AHH!

WHOA. MY BAD.

I'M OKAY!

WHO PUT THAT THERE?

OOOH!

THAT IS A SAFETY HAZARD.

MY FATHER WILL TAKE AN 8 x 10,

TWO COFFEE MUGS AND A MOUSE PAD.

WHAT DO WE DO IF TRENT DOESN'T PASS?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M GONNA AIM FOR YOUR OTHER FOOT AND RUN.

WELL DONE, BOYS. TRENT PASSED AND FINALLY GRADUATED.

HE'S NO LONGER A STUDENT AT MISSION CREEK HIGH.

YES! YES!

HE'S SOCIETY'S PROBLEM NOW!

( whistle blows )

HI, NERDS, MISS ME?

TRENT, YOU GRADUATED.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE HERE ANYMORE.

YEAH, SHOULDN'T YOU BE WORKING AT A GAS STATION

OR LIVING AT A GAS STATION?

YOU BELONG AT A GAS STATION.

NOPE, HE BELONGS HERE.

I JUST HIRED TRENT AS THE NEW GYM TEACHER.

THAT'S RIGHT. FROM NOW ON IT'S "MISTER" TRENT.

THAT'S COLD, TERRY PERRY. THAT COLD.

HE FULFILLS ALL THE REQUIREMENTS--

DIRT CHEAP, HIGH SCHOOL GRAD,

AND HE ALMOST PASSED THE PSYCHOLOGICAL EXAM.

DID BETTER THEN ME, ANYWAY.

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP, GUYS.

NOW I GET PAID TO TORTURE YOU.

I DON'T CARE WHAT MY DAD SAYS,

GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL IS WORTH IT.

( blows whistle )

LET'S GO, SHORT AND SHORTER!

TIME TO SWEAT TILL YOU CRY!

IT'S NOT EVEN GYM CLASS.

NOW THAT I'M HERE...

IT'S ALWAYS GYM CLASS.

( blows whistle )

HEY. WE SAW THE YEARBOOK.

YOU TAKE QUITE A PHOTO, "HAIRY MARY."

YEAH, THE JUNIOR CLASS JUST RENAMED YOU "SEÑORITA SASQUATCH."

EH, I'M NOT TOO WORRIED.

PEOPLE ARE GONNA FORGET ALL ABOUT MY PICTURE

WHEN THEY SEE WHAT I DID TO ADAM.

Adam: HEY, BREE! I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GOT

THAT HAIR GEL YOU GAVE ME...

BUT I'M LOVIN' IT.

♪ ( disco ) ♪

WHOOOO!

OHH! EWWW! AHHH!