Original subtitles

ALL RIGHT, ADAM.

I BORROWED BIG D'S HYDROGEN-POWERED GOLF CART

TO HELP YOU PRACTICE FOR YOUR DRIVING TEST.

FIRST STEP, SEAT BELTS.

OKAY... FOCUS.

( grunts )

( seatbelt clicks ) YES!

ZERO TO BUCKLE IN UNDER FIVE SECONDS.

( chuckles )

OH, LOOK, A DUMMY DRIVING A DUMMY.

OOH, WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO?

NO!

AAH!

BRAKE!

( brakes screech, Chase continues screaming )

( grunts )

WISH ALL BUTTONS DID THAT.

THE WORLD'S FIRST BIONIC SUPER-HUMANS.

THEY'RE STRONGER THAN US, FASTER, SMARTER.

THE NEXT GENERATION OF THE HUMAN RACE IS...

LIVING IN MY BASEMENT?

♪♪

♪ LAB RATS ♪

♪ LAB RATS ♪

♪ LAB RATS ♪

♪ LAB RATS ♪

♪ LAB RATS ♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE ADAM'S NOT BACK FROM HIS DRIVING TEST.

WHAT'S TAKING HIM SO LONG?

TWO WORDS: ADAM. TEST.

MAN, IF HE PASSES, IT'S GOOD NEWS FOR US

AND BAD NEWS FOR EVERYONE ON THE ROAD.

( chuckles )

OR THE SIDEWALK.

WELL, HE HAS TO PASS.

I NEED HIM TO DRIVE ME TO THAT PARTY ON SATURDAY.

WHAT PARTY?

( chuckles )

THE ONE YOU WEREN'T INVITED TO.

YOU GOT INVITED

TO CAROLINE DAVIS' PARTY AND I DIDN'T?

NEITHER DID I!

WELL, NO SURPRISE THERE.

BUT WHY WERE YOU INVITED?

OH, BREE, I'M CLIMBING THE SOCIAL LADDER.

THERE ARE NOW THREE OR FOUR LADIES

WHO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME IN THE HALLWAY.

OKAY, IT'S TWO! BUT I'M GOING TO THE PARTY.

( door opening )

HE'S HOME!

( all groan )

IT'S JUST YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.

SORRY, MOM. HOW'S IT GOING?

GREAT. I'VE HAD THE BEST DAY. IT ALL STARTED WHEN--

SAVE IT FOR LATER, WOMAN! ADAM'S HERE!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU

MISSION CREEK'S NEWEST FULLY LICENSED DRIVER!

ADAM, THAT'S YOU.

Adam: OH, RIGHT.

WOO-HOO, I PASSED!

( all cheering )

HE REALLY IMPRESSED ME.

HE GOT A 96 ON THE TEST.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SCORES WENT UP THAT HIGH!

OH, AND GET THIS, MR. DAVENPORT SAID

IF I PASSED, HE'D BUY ME A CAR.

WHAT?!

WELL, IN MY DEFENSE,

I NEVER THOUGHT HE WOULD PASS.

YEAH, NONE OF US DID.

PREACHIN' TO THE CHOIR, PEOPLE.

DONALD, ARE YOU SURE HE'S READY FOR A CAR?

REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU BOUGHT HIM A BIKE?

THE BELL STILL WORKS.

( dings bell )

UM... TO BE FAIR, HONEY,

ADAM IS A LOT MORE RESPONSIBLE NOW.

HE WORKED VERY HARD TO GET HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE,

AND I THINK HE SHOULD BE REWARDED.

( imitates driving noises, brakes screeching, explosion )

I DON'T KNOW.

DON'T WORRY, I PROMISE I WILL GET ADAM

THE SAFEST CAR AVAILABLE.

THE SAFEST CAR IS THE ONE HE ISN'T DRIVING.

NOT TRUE.

I'VE CAUSED MANY WRECKS AS A PEDESTRIAN.

OKAY, LET'S GO.

I DON'T CARE WHAT CAR IT IS,

AS LONG AS YOU GIVE ME A RIDE TO CAROLINE DAVIS' PARTY.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD...

I WAS INVITED.

ENOUGH!

TAKE CARE, LADIES. SEE YOU AT THE PARTY.

OH, DID I TELL YOU I WAS INVITED TO THE PAR--

Both: YES!

THERE'S MY LITTLE BOY!

MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, TASHA?

I'M HERE BECAUSE I DECIDED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE PTA!

OH, THAT'S NICE.

WHAT SCHOOL?! 'CAUSE I KNOW IT'S NOT THIS ONE!

WITH ADAM GETTING HIS LICENSE

AND YOU GOING TO PARTIES,

IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT YOU'RE ALL GROWING UP.

SO I'M GOING TO GET A LOT MORE INVOLVED IN YOUR SCHOOL LIVES.

WELL, LEO COULD DEFINITELY USE

A CHAPERONE FOR THE PARTY THIS WEEKEND.

NO! NO, NO, NO!

MOM, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!

WHAT IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE?

I CAN PAY FOR ART CLASSES!

OH, LEO, THIS WILL BE FUN!

IF I GET ELECTED I WILL BE HERE ALL THE TIME!

WE'LL EAT LUNCH, GOSSIP,

I CAN TALK YOU UP TO THE GALS.

THE GALS?

GET HER OUT! GET HER OUT!

DON'T WORRY.

ONCE THE LADIES SEE HOW MOM ROCKS IT,

OOO! YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO POPULAR.

Both: YOU REALLY ARE.

HI, I'M LEO'S MOM.

I'M RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT OF THE PTA,

WHICH IS "PRETTY TOTALLY AWESOME," RIGHT?

NO!

BE SURE TO TELL YOUR PARENTS TO VOTE FOR ME: TASHA DAVENPORT!

T-DAV TO YOU KIDS.

HOLLER!

MOMS...

WE ALL GOT 'EM, AM I RIGHT?

THE 2006 FIREFLY IS A GREAT CHOICE.

IT'S SAFE ENOUGH FOR GRANDMA,

YET FLASHY ENOUGH FOR...

GRANDMA.

SWEET.

AND I KNOW WE GOT A GREAT DEAL

BECAUSE I AM A MASTER NEGOTIATOR!

OH, THAT'S ONE THING I'D CALL YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

( phone ringing )

EXCUSE ME.

THIS IS WORK.

HELLO?

WHAT?!

WELL, WOULD THEY BE THROWING A SURPRISE PARTY

INSIDE A NUCLEAR REACTOR?

WE GOTTA GO.

AHH, JUST WHEN I STARTED TO LIKE YOU.

EVERYBODY LIKES ME.

WE'LL FINISH THIS TOMORROW.

NO PROBLEM, BUT THE FIREFLY WILL BE GONE.

I PLAN ON SELLING IT TO SOMEONE I CAN ACTUALLY MAKE MONEY ON.

YOU'RE GONNA SELL MY CAR?!

THAT'S JUST A SALES TACTIC, ADAM. COME ON, WE GOTTA GO.

OH, BUT, NO, WE'RE ALMOST DONE.

CAN'T I JUST FINISH UP WITHOUT YOU?

( laughs ) NO!

( sighs ) COME ON!

YOU SAID YOURSELF

I'M ACTING MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN EVER.

PLUS, I REALLY WANT THAT CAR.

FINE, I'LL SEE YOU BACK AT THE HOUSE.

SALLY, SALLY, SALLY!

STOP SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY

AND PUT ON YOUR HAZMAT SUIT, I'LL BE RIGHT--

SO, HERE WE ARE,

TWO ADULTS, FINISHING UP AN AUTOMOTIVE TRANSACTION.

WHERE SHALL I PUT MY JOHN PEACOCK?

JUST SIGN RIGHT HERE.

UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW...

NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,

THERE'S ONE MORE VEHICLE YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AT.

OKAY, I'LL LOOK AT IT.

BUT UNLESS IT'S SHAPED LIKE A GIANT HOT DOG,

I'M PROBABLY NOT INTERESTED.

GUYS, GET THIS.

I AM THE ONLY CANDIDATE FOR PTA PRESIDENT.

I'M GONNA WIN!

CAR WASHES, BAKE SALES, FUND RAISERS.

I'LL BE HERE ALL THE TIME.

THAT IS GREAT NEWS.

LEO'S GONNA BE SO HAPPY.

AHEM.

WE HAVE TO STOP HER.

UH, WE?

WHAT'S IN IT FOR US?

OH, COME ON! I'M DESPERATE!

WELL, YOU COULD GET US INTO YOUR COOL PARTY.

OH, BREE. THAT'S CUTE.

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY,

I AM WHO I AM AND YOU ARE WHO--

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET YOU IN THE PARTY!

JUST TELL ME HOW WE'RE GET RID OF MY MOM.

EASY.

WE JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE

TO RUN AGAINST HER AND WIN.

RIGHT, SOMEONE WHO'S POWER HUNGRY AND RUTHLESS

AND ENJOYS CRUSHING OTHER PEOPLE'S DREAMS.

GO HOME, MAGGOTS!

IT'S 3:30 AND I WANNA CHAIN UP!

AND, JUST LIKE I PROMISED,

I GOT ADAM A VERY SAFE AND PRACTICAL CAR.

LOOK, I KNOW EQUATIONS.

ADAM PLUS SAFE DOESN'T EXACTLY WORK.

SO, WHERE IS HE?

MAYBE HE FORGOT HOW TO GET HOME.

AGAIN.

COME ON, FOUR TIMES IN ONE WEEK?

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

YOU GUYS GET THE STAPLER.

I'LL GO GET THE "LOST ADAM" FLYERS.

Adam: GUYS! CHECK OUT MY NEW RIDE!

HE'S HERE!

Bree: LET'S GO.

ISN'T IT AWESOME?

AND I ONLY HAD TO FILL THE TANK TWICE ON THE WAY HOME.

WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY THE FIREFLY!

WELL, YEAH, BUT THE TRUCK IS WAYS SAFER

THAN THAT DINKY LITTLE CAR.

WHEN I DROVE OFF THE LOT,

I CRUSHED THAT THING LIKE A TIN CAN.

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT YOU ALONE TO CLOSE THE DEAL.

YOU LEFT HIM ALONE?

WITH HIS CHECKBOOK!

SEE, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS

WHEN PARENTS AREN'T INVOLVED IN THEIR KIDS' LIVES.

I'M INVOLVED IN THEIR LIVES.

WE GO ON MISSIONS ALL THE TIME.

THEIR REAL LIVES.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SHOWED UP AT SCHOOL?

OH, HE WAS JUST THERE LAST WEEK.

THANK YOU.

YEAH, HE PULLED US OUT OF CLASS

SO WE COULD ALL PLAY LASER TAG TOGETHER.

YOU'VE SEEN HIS GRADES. WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT MAKE?

LOOK, WE'LL TAKE THE TRUCK BACK TOMORROW.

FINE!

AND WHILE WE'RE THERE,

WE SHOULD PROBABLY PICK UP YOUR CHECKBOOK.

GUYS, GUESS WHAT?

WHAT?

LEO!

NO.

I'M THE NEW CHEMISTRY TEACHER, MR. TATE.

( high-pitched scream )

SO, GET THIS.

I CHECKED THE PTA ELECTION RULES

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A PARENT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT.

PRINCIPAL PERRY IS TOTALLY ELIGIBLE.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT!

AND YOU KNOW THAT IF SHE RUNS,

SHE'S GONNA CHEAT AND MAKE SURE SHE WINS.

YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THAT WOMAN

TO DO THE WRONG THING.

BUT HOW DO WE CONVINCE HER TO RUN?

THE ONLY THINGS THAT MOTIVATE THAT WOMAN

ARE REVENGE, RAGE, AND KITTY CALENDARS.

WELL, THEN WE JUST HAVE TO FIND A WAY

TO MAKE HER MAD AT TASHA

AND THEN TRICK HER INTO DOING IT.

HOW?

MAYBE A LITTLE BIONIC VOCAL MANIPULATION IS IN ORDER.

( in Tasha's voice ) THERE'S MY LITTLE BUG-A-BOO.

COME GIVE MOMMY SOME SUGAR!

OKAY, THAT NEVER STOPS BEING WEIRD.

OKAY, CHASE IS GETTING PERRY.

YOU GO HANDLE YOUR MOM.

GOT IT.

MOM!

HEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT AND YOU WERE RIGHT.

IT IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN

HAVING YOU AROUND HERE EVERYDAY.

( squeals, giggles )

I KNEW YOU WOULD COME AROUND.

HEY, LOVE ME, DON'T BREAK ME.

SO, TO BE AN EFFECTIVE PTA PRESIDENT

YOU NEED TO BE IN TOUCH WITH YOUR STUDENTS,

KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE, LISTEN TO THEIR MUSIC.

DON'T WORRY, LEO.

I'M PICKING UP WHAT YOU'RE PUTTING DOWN.

( chuckling ) YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD.

THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT, SHRUB HEAD.

QUICK! PUT THESE ON.

OOH, THESE JAMS ARE PUMPED UP!

I JUST THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR

WHAT OUR FUTURE PTA PRESIDENT

IS BEEN SAYING BEHIND YOUR BACK.

( scoffs )

( Bree in Tasha's voice ) I AM SHOCKED

AT THE LACK OF PROFESSIONALISM AROUND THIS SCHOOL.

AND IT ALL STARTS WITH THAT TYRANT PRINCIPAL PERRY.

WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUS.

WHEN I'M PRESIDENT

I'M GONNA MAKE IT MY MISSION TO GET HER FIRED!

FIRED?!

SHE CAN'T DO THAT!

TECHNICALLY, AS PTA PRESIDENT, SHE CAN.

IT'S RIGHT HERE IN THE RULE BOOK.

LET ME SEE THAT!

OH, ONE MORE THING,

I HATE CATS.

( gasps ) THE CLAWS ARE OUT NOW!

YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD RUN AGAINST HER.

AGAINST HER?

I'M GONNA RUN OVER HER!

HEY!

OH, HI, PRINCIPAL PERRY!

DID YOU HEAR?

NO ONE IS RUNNING AGAINST ME.

I'M GOING TO BE PTA PRESIDENT.

NOT IN THIS LIFETIME, MITZY VON MINIVAN.

I'M IN THE RACE NOW, AND AROUND HERE,

THE ONLY THING PTA STANDS FOR

IS PUTTING TANYA AWAY.

MY NAME IS TASHA.

STILL STARTS WITH A "T"!

( gasps )

ADAM, I REALLY STUCK MY NECK OUT FOR YOU,

AND YOU MADE US BOTH LOOK IRRESPONSIBLE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

APOLOGY ACCEPTED.

WOW.

LOOK HOW HIGH I AM.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

THAT PICKUP TRUCK LOOKS LIKE A TEENY TINY TOY.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

YOU KNOW, BEFORE I TAKE THIS THING BACK,

THERE'S SOMETHING I REALLY NEED TO DO.

WOO-HOO! OH, YEAH!

( screaming )

( screaming continues )

WOO! THIS IS AWESOME!

THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

( both screaming )

WHOA!

( both screaming )

LET'S DO THIS ALREADY!

I'M LATE FOR MY SHIFT AT THE GAS-N-GO.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

HEY, MOM?

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS?

PRINCIPAL PERRY IS MERCILESS AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO WIN.

SHE HAS THE BATTLE SCARS TO PROVE IT.

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN YOUR MOM.

OH, I HAVE LOTS OF FAITH.

THAT PRINCIPAL PERRY IS GOING TO DESTROY YOU.

SO I GUESS WE'RE KEEPING THIS THING, HUH?

YEAH, I FINALLY FOUND A CAR THAT MATCHES MY EGO.

( laughs )

IT'S NOT THAT BIG.

( thump ) OOH, WHAT WAS THAT?

TRASH CAN.

I'LL PAY FOR THAT!

SO, HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING.

WE'LL BUY YOU A DIFFERENT CAR,

AND WE'LL KEEP THIS BAD BOY TO PLAY WITH ON WEEKENDS.

AWESOME!

BUT WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO HIDE IT.

'CAUSE IF TASHA FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS THING,

WE'RE BOTH GONNA END UP LIVING IN IT.

( gasps ) PROMISE?!

( thumping )

OH! TRASH CAN?

MAIL BOX.

I'LL PAY FOR THAT, TOO!

OH! CAN WE MAKE A QUICK STOP?

I FORGOT MY BACKPACK AT SCHOOL.

NO PROBLEM. WE CAN STOP BY AND PICK IT UP.

( loud metal clanging )

MAIL BOX?

MAIL TRUCK.

( microphone feedback )

( clears throat, choking )

VOTE FOR ME,

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, MOM JEANS.

THIS ELECTION'S MINE.

BEFORE I LAY OUT MY PLATFORM,

I SPENT SOME TIME GOING THROUGH

THE SCHOOL'S ACCOUNTING RECORDS--

( Perry clearing throat )

I WITHDRAW!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SAVING A FORTUNE IN LEGAL FEES!

WAIT, HOLD ON!

ACCORDING TO THE RULES,

IT IS PAST THE DEADLINE TO WITHDRAWALS.

HE'S RIGHT!

SO WE STILL NEED TO HEAR FINAL SPEECHES

AND THEN VOTE.

NO SPEECH. I VOTE TASHA.

( chanting ) TASHA!

TASHA! TASHA!

DON'T MAKE ME DO ALL THE WORK.

TASHA! TASHA!

WELL, LOOK AT THAT,

GOT A PARKING SPACE RIGHT NEXT TO THE GYM.

WELL, THREE SPACES.

SORRY, MA'AM. I'LL PAY FOR THAT.

OKAY JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO GET MY BACKPACK.

IT WON'T TAKE LONG. THERE'S NOTHING IN IT.

WAIT!

IS THAT TASHA'S CAR?

YEAH, SHE'S GIVING HER BIG PTA SPEECH TONIGHT.

( screams ) I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!

SHE CAN'T SEE US IN THIS THING.

WELL, IF SHE CAN'T, THEN SHE NEEDS GLASSES.

THIS THING IS HUGE.

NO, I MEAN, WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

WELL, THEN GO ALREADY!

WELL, I'M TRYING, BUT THE GEAR SHIFT IS STUCK!

WHY DON'T YOU TRY HARDER?

OKAY, I GOT IT!

( screaming )

AND ONCE I'M PRESIDENT,

MISSION CREEK WILL RUN AS SMOOTHLY

AS MY VERY OWN HAPPY FAMILY.

( screaming )

( both coughing )

QUICK! BACK UP BEFORE SHE SEES US!

DONALD!

VOTE FOR TASHA.

( honks )

( continues honking )

WELL, THANKS TO YOU I TOTALLY LOST THE ELECTION!

NOT ONE PERSON VOTED FOR ME!

YES!

YOU WILL GET 'EM NEXT YEAR, MOM.

BECAUSE OF YOU PERRY WON!

DON'T BE MAD AT MR. DAVENPORT.

I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

THANK YOU.

IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE DECIDED

TO KEEP THIS TRUCK AND HIDE IT FROM YOU.

WHAT?!

Perry: GET ME OUT OF HERE!

IS THAT PRINCIPAL PERRY?

Perry: NO, IT'S TAYLOR SWIFT.

SHE'S UNDER THERE!

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE, BUT MY CUPCAKE ISN'T.

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S FIBERGLASS OR SPRINKLES.

EH, IT'S ALL GOING TO THE SAME PLACE.

SO...

THIS WAS FUN...

ALL RIGHT, DO YOU PREFER BIG BILLS OR, UH...

NICE TRY, RICHIE RICH.

YOU CAN'T BUY ME OFF THAT EASILY.

ALTHOUGH THERE IS ONE THING I WANT.

( honking )

LET'S GO CRUSH SOME DOGHOUSES, VICE PRINCIPAL WHISKERS!

( chuckling ) ( meowing )

( laughing )

WOO-HOO!