Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Mum!

Mum!

Mum!

Merry, what's wrong?

Shh.

We have to be very quiet.

Why are we whispering, Then?

Is it Fred?

I'll tell you in the car, I promise.

But right now, we have to be very, very quiet.

Shittity, shite.

Doing great, Mum.

Merry, you found your father, didn't you?

What?

We haven't time now, let's just go.

You're not going anywhere!

Open this door, right now, Missy!

Just please let us go!

George, what on earth's going on?

Aunt Becca, thank goodness you're here.

I think she's rabid or something.

You should call someone.

You're outnumbered Meredith.

Open the door.

They're all crazy, surely you can see.

Can't argue with you there.

So you must understand Aunt Becca.

Mother needs the constant care a rest home can give her.

So that's why you sneaked in and took Julie.

I see, and it had nothing to do with

you wanting her out so you could sell the house?

Can you lean back a minute so I can say hello to Julie?

I haven't seen her in months.

Ooh.. Why am I getting out?

I need to give Meredith a driving lesson.

She's about to be 17.

Don't worry Julie, Meredith's remembered

she's got something else to do.

You act like you're her family, but you're not.

You're all crazy, and I won't stop

until I get my mother out of here.

And into a care home full of strangers.

When did you plant all this?

About um um

About oh four hundred years ago, I think.

It's astounding.

These flowers.

They look great.

Look over here, this is my favorite one!

Yeah?

That's called a rose it's pink.

Oh, beautiful! Beautiful.

I like that one

What are those? Those are stunning.

That's, that's, that's sunflower.

Beautiful. Beautiful.

It's like a sunset flower, isn't it?

Yeah, well here's another one, look.

Oh look at that's very dainty.

It's like, it's got arms.

A little person!

Ooh, plan on impressing the sheep?

What?

Getting angry much, these days?

You and Miles fighting?

Oh, there's nothing left to fight about.

How long's our rabid friend been here?

Arrived late yesterday.

She's on Julie duty today.

What, it's that bad?

Yes!

Meredith is quite determined to get Julie

into a home somewhere so she can sell up.

You saw what she pulled this morning!

Let her try that again.

Just let her try!

Ooh, I'll give that one to Fred.

I prefer vegetables to flowers,

at least you can eat vegetables.

Or herbs, some sweet smelling sage!

Julie!

Son of a bitch!

Shit, shit, shit.

Julie!

I don't think it'd be cruel

to put a cow bell on the old girl.

Julie!

We're having rosemary the chicken

for dinner tonight, darling.

I hope you don't get home late, for more reasons than one,

if you get my meaning.

You know how the autumn air makes you frisky!

Julie! Are you down here?

Oh,

There you are.

Give me a heart attack, why don't you?

Come on, let's go get washed for dinner.

I told Fred we were having chicken.

I hope he's not late.

I have a feeling he might be.

Come on.

He's never home anymore.

I know, there you go.

There you go.

Come on.

Mind your step.

OK

Becca!

Julie!

Oh I see you've got some gray coming in.

I told you 40 would be a life-changer, didn't I?

Don't get big-headed Rebecca, you don't look 40.

Thanks, neither do you!

Oh, still a goody two-shoes?

Still a drunken sot?

Hey, look, we're all together, just as we planned!

Let's enjoy it.

Yes ma'am, I love you.

Ugh, Sissy, why didn't you tell us?

I told you she spits.

Yeah, but ehh.

Get over it, and be glad you're not the one

having to empty her pockets, unless you'd like the job!

How's your love life, Sissy?

Here's the story: woman dates a man.

Man has a grown daughter.

Turns out grown daughter was a former student of mine.

Not a fan.

Man dumps woman, the end.

Men are such dicks.

Still having a dry spell?

By choice, by God...

So...

Becca.

Becca, how are Miles and...

Damon?

Well, their law firm's doing very well!

And Miles is slaving over a new hot secretary!

God, he's a shit-heel, isn't he?

George.

Oh come on, Sissy, I've always had a potty mouth,

it's a hard habit to break.

What are you, a nun?

Now I forgot what I was going to say.

My mother always said getting older is shit.

We're not old silly.

Haven't you heard?

30 is meant to be the new 40.

Well, here's to that!

You should have gone with her.

To the bathroom, are you kidding me?

Okay, if she has an accident, you're cleaning it up.

You are amazing, Sissy.

Julie? Julie?

Okay Julie, hand it over.

Let's see what you've got there.

Please don't let it be a turd,

please don't let it be a turd,

anything but a turd, so help me God.

What the f...

It's Rosemary's chick!

Rosemary's chick.

You're confused because we had rosemary chicken for supper.

No, we ate Rosemary, this is her chick!

So when you said "rosemary chicken,"

you meant Rosemary the chicken?

The one you killed!

The one I killed, the one you told me to kill!

No, I was only introducing her to you!

She kept escaping from Jake's place

because she got a crush on my cockerel.

Your cockerel, rooster.

So Rosemary wasn't even your chicken?

We cooked and killed your neighbor's chicken?

This chick belonged to Rosemary and Rosemary belongs,

belonged to Jake your neighbor.

Oh my God.

I've died and gone to the nuthouse.

So this is why you're always down here,

because you're hiding Rosemary's baby!

Yes, yes!

Fred's been taking care of her.

Fred has?

So um, is Fred down here with us right now?

Of course he is.

Right, I think we'd better go upstairs,

and you can bring the chicken back to Jake

and explain what happened to Rosemary.

Rosemary who?

Oh for the love of God.

Did I do something wrong, George, are you cross with me?

No, I know, sweetie.

Bye, Fred.

I'll visit again soon.

Mrs. Haney

Georgeann, but my friends call me George!

Pleased to meet you

Give me the chicken.

I'm afraid we have some rather bad news, Mr.Bruno.

Oh, not that damn fox again.

Has it got Rosemary this time?

Is that her chick?

Yes, I'm afraid there wasn't much left of her when we we,

when he finished his meal.

Damned fox, Rosemary were a double yolker!

At least we've got her chick,

maybe she'll turn out to be a double yolker!

We ate Rosemary for dinner!

No we didn't, we ate a completely different

chicken for dinner.

It was not!

I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Bruno.

I'm sorry about Rosemary.

If it's any consolation, she were very tasty.

I love you, you know?

I love you too, you're my bestested friend.

I'll look after you, you know.

Will you?

Yeah, you've only got to stay with me,

and then it will be all right.

Yeah.

Don't you worry, share my apple

for always and always.

All I am saying it's really creepy

She keeps talking about Fred and going down to the cellar.

Hallucinations are normal with Alzheimer's.

They usually get worse at night.

But I found her down there twice today.

Which reminds me, I think I left the light on.

I'd better meet you in the conservatory.

I'll make some tea.

Booze for me.

Tea.

Booze!

Leave the mothering to Sissy.

I think she's missing her teaching.

So don't want to know what that is.

Fred?

If you've come back and you're hiding,

because you're afraid I'm going to kick your ass,

you are absolutely wrong.

I'm going to cut off your dick

and then I'm going to kick your ass.

Oh that's what it is, of course, chicken shit.

Why is this old thing still working?

Go on, before Julie wakes up!

I'm going, I'm going, don't push!

Sissy! Becca!

Get the fuck down here!

Holy cow, holy cow, holy fucking cow!

What is it?

Stop scaring the crap out of us.

Holy cow, holy shit, holy freaking shit, shit, shit,

I don't believe it, somebody pinch me.

You girls are not going to believe what's in here.

What, what is it?

What, where?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you,

go see for yourself.

Go see what, what are we looking at?

Open the freezer.

It's Fred!

I'd recognize those whiskers anywhere.

Yes, Fred is dead.

Not a deserter, dead.

Yes, definitely dead.

And frozen.

Frozen.

Let's get out of here.

- Right behind you. - Behind you.

Drink responsibly.

Give us one.

Jesus, so Fred disappeared three or four years ago?

Do you think he's been down there all this time?

That's a very good question, Becca.

What do you suppose happened to him?

Isn't it obvious?

Julie put him there!

No, Julie...

I'd like to agree with you, Rebecca,

but there's no way that Fred's been down there

all that time without Julie knowing.

Meredith. What, do you think she's in on this?

No, she's too much of a daddy's girl.

She was accidentally locked in the cellar

when she was little, and she's been scared of it ever since.

Ah, that's convenient for Julie.

If Julie did kill Fred, I'm sure she had her reasons.

He couldn't keep his hands to himself.

Yeah, that's a good reason to kill a man.

No, you're preaching to the converted.

I had to box his ears on a number of occasions.

Let's get some sleep and tackle this in the morning.

You can go to sleep after that?

Oh, come on Sissy, at our age,

sleep is a necessity, not a luxury.

We can't do anything tonight anyway.

Yeah, Fred's not going anywhere.

What was that?

Julie?

After what happened with Meredith,

Sissy sleeps with one eye open.

Julie wouldn't have got past her.

Oh God you're beautiful.

I'll call the police.

No! We've got the popsicle in the freezer!

Oh yes, God, what are you going to do?

No, no, George, we're old women.

Speak for yourself, anyway, there's three of us.

Come on!

Did you hear something downstairs?

Why do you think we're huddled in the hallway, fire drill?

Is it coming from the dining room?

Here, you lead the way.

Why do I have to go first?

Because you're the bravest.

Yeah, invisible testicles.

- Right. - We're right behind you.

If it's a burglar, he's not a very good one.

You are unbelievable, missy!

Yeah, what if we'd had a gun,

we might have blown your freaking heads off!

We're terribly sorry...

Don't you apologize!

This is my mum's house, we have more right to be here than...

Oh no you don't, Meredith Sue.

If you've lost your mother's living will,

I can give you another copy.

I just want to...

I want to talk to my mother!

See her, make sure she's okay with... everything.

She's not okay with everything, Merry.

Obviously she didn't want you

to see her disintegrate like this.

Or maybe she knew you'd try to stick her in a home

somewhere so you could sell up.

Scott, do something!

Yeah, Scott, why don't you do something?

I just want to talk to my mother!

Why, damn it?

Because I think she knows what happened to my dad.

Shame on you, Scott Barrett!

What did you think you were doing, scaring us like that?

We really...

Oh, shut up.

I'll be back with my lawyer.

Whatever.

You okay, George?

Do you need some water?

Whiskey, I need whiskey.

Don't we all.

We can't let Meredith find out about Fred.

No, you're right, we can't, Sissy.

Julie could go to prison.

Meredith would love that.

Prison's cheaper than a care home.

We need to be careful, though,

I don't think Julie remembers what happened to Fred.

Until we find out what happened, what to do with the body?

Well how are we going to do that if we can't ask her?

Let's take a look.

Are you out of your mind?

This isn't an episode of Miss Marple, George.

Well maybe not, but we've all seen

enough television to know what to look for.

Let's get him out and examine him.

Are you insane?

Well have you got a better idea?

If his skull's crushed in, or he's got a knife in his back,

we know what we're dealing with.

Murder, we'll be dealing with murder.

Which would make us accessories to murder.

So you'd rather call the police.

Do you know how scared Julie would be?

Do you know how confused she'd be?

If they started grilling her for details?

Oh they wouldn't do that, she's not well.

Of course they would,

until it could be proved that she's mentally unsound.

I don't know about you two, but I'm not going to sit around

and wait for Meredith to get exactly what she wants.

Where are you going?

I'm going to try and figure out a way

to get Fred out of the freezer by myself!

I hope you'll be happy when

they cart our dear friend away kicking spitting

And screaming.

Are you awake?

Sissy and I talked about it,

of course we'll help you examine Fred.

We just had to get our heads around it, that's all.

I mean, it's quite possible that Fred had a heart attack

or an accident or something, right?

And if it turns out Julie did kill him, well...

Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Okay, good.

I'm glad because I was beginning to wonder

how I was going to get that frozen son of a bitch

out of the freezer by myself.

Sweet dreams, darling.

Morning!

Here we are darling.

I wonder where the chickens are.

Look, there they are, up there.

That's it

Oh lovely

Hope they have lots of eggs this morning

Yes we could have some for breakfast

Oh that's a good idea

I will go and check

Yeah

The cancer's back.

Gee, what gave it away?

You're smoking pot, and cigarettes,

and you said you'd never smoke again,

unless the cancer came back.

Aren't you super sharp this morning.

I'm so sorry, George.

Is that why you're all here, because of the cancer?

I don't want the others to know yet.

But why not?

We all love you.

Because we've got something else on right now,

and they don't need any distractions.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Of course I do.

You didn't think you could hide

something like that from me, did you?

- You do, you know about the... - The surprise party!

I knew all about it, even before Fred told me.

Oh, but don't be angry with him,

he could never keep a secret, could you Fred?

A surprise party, huh?

It's okay, I promise to act surprised.

Come on, Fred, Meredith's making pancakes,

and you know what a mess she makes if she gets distracted.

Oh you too, George,

I imagine you've got a bad case of the munchies.

The last thing we need is Fred's DNA all over us.

When we finish, we'll burn these.

Did you have to give me one that was so...

Girly?

You are a woman, George!

Unless there's something you're not telling us!

I'm sure there's something you're not telling us,

but I don't think it's anything to do with a sex change.

Very astute Sherlock,

but I think we'd better concentrate on the matter at hand.

We're up to our knobbly knees in Fred and Julie's doo doo.

Right, who's going to open the freezer?

Maybe I should just go and check on Julie.

Julie is fine.

She's going to have at least a two-hour rest,

and anyway, I've locked her in for her own safety.

The head end's going to be the heaviest,

so why don't you two take that end, and I'll take the feet.

Okay, after three: one, two, three!

I'll go first.

Torch.

He smells of fish.

Better than dead flesh, I can tell you that.

There's nothing on the head.

Me next.

Eager beaver!

There's something there!

I can't work out what it is,

but it looks like there's something in his trousers.

It's his dick.

The morticians call it "angel lust."

Oh I don't know, George, it looks too big to be a willy.

He never was a looker,

he must have had something on the side.

Why don't you undo his pants and take a look.

You don't have to, Sissy.

I do, I can, I will.

Sissy snapped off Fred's dick!

Oh fuck, no fuck!

Lunchtime!

Ooh!

Shepherd's pie?

It's cold!

You missed supper.

I'm not hungry.

It's not like you to get so upset

over a little teasing.

Oh I'm sorry I was such an ass.

I usually leave that to George.

Oh, come on, forgive us.

If it's any consolation, George thinks she has found

something suspicious and thinks it might be buckshot.

Oh, what on earth's the matter?

What is it, tell me!

It's my fault Fred's dead!

Here, drink your tea, we've got all the time in the world.

Speak for yourself.

Now Sissy, tell George what you told me,

and nobody's going to blame you for something Julie did,

so get that out of your head.

I know why Julie killed Fred.

I told her I saw Fred with his assistant.

So Fred was screwing around on Julie, I mean,

so what's so big about that?

I felt terrible telling her,

but this time I just couldn't keep silent.

And you were right to tell her!

You couldn't have known that Julie would kill Fred.

I mean, I didn't kill Miles when I caught him cheating.

Well you should have, he made a play for me ten years ago,

at that New Year's Eve party you guys had.

Well why didn't you tell me?

I'd have left the fat bastard

when I still had some lead in my pencil.

So, what's next?

Becca tells me you think Fred was shot.

Looks like buckshot to me.

Right in the old kidney.

Probably bled out.

We need, well somebody needs to find out

if it was definitely buckshot.

I'm not 100% certain and we can't afford not to be.

And we need to find the weapon.

Shotgun.

I don't remember seeing Fred with a shotgun.

What if we can't find one?

Okay, I will do the gory digging out

of the aforesaid buckshot

if you two turkeys find the shotgun that nobody remembers.

It's just like Charlie's Angels, isn't it?

Fred's still too frozen,

he should be all right by the morning.

Impressive, where'd you find it?

On top of the cabinet in the laundry room!

A process of elimination, we literally looked everywhere.

Yes, we did.

Well, I'm going to go make sure

the doors and windows are locked,

and then I am going to hit the sack. I don't want to be late

for my date with Fred in the morning.

Shark!

We'll have him for lunch.

Oh yeah

- Come on. - That's a good idea.

You're nothing but a lifeless, useless popsicle.

You can't talk, you can't hear, you can't.

Oh, you're just thawing,

aren't you, you freaking whore-monger?

This is all your fault, you got what you deserved,

you useless piece of shit.

Lucky I didn't know about it,

or you wouldn't have had a dick for Sissy to snap off!

How did that feel, by the way?

Okay, here goes nothing, Tom cat.

Uh-oh.

I'll take Julie away.

Merry!

Damon, I didn't know you were coming down!

Hi mum.

Why didn't you call and let me know?

Well actually, mum, I'm, I'm here on business.

- Oh? - Yes.

What kind of business?

It isn't personal?

What's not personal?

Mum, I'm, I've actually agreed,

I've agreed to represent Meredith.

You what?

Now look, this isn't about you, it's about aunt Sissy,

and it's about Meredith's right to see her.

That's right, Aunt Becca,

this is between me and Sissy.

It has nothing to do with you.

Nothing, nothing to do with me?

Are you out of your mind, Damon?

We should press charges against you two

for breaking and entering.

That's right, we caught them climbing in

through a window in the middle of the night.

And it may have been Sissy

who Julie granted power of attorney,

but we are all committed to following Julie's wishes.

Look can we just talk about this?

You can talk, they can leave.

Mum.

Don't call me "mum" right now.

Nothing personal, of course.

Oh, I've got to show the girls.

My knees, son of a bitch.

No, George, George, George, George,

We have got unwanted company see.

Oh that's great, George, you found the buckshot!

Now we don't have to worry when

we're having Sissy's delicious venison stew tonight.

Yes, I'm just so glad

my grandfather taught me how to dress a deer.

You know how to dress a deer?

Well, I'm not picking buckshot out of a dead body, am I?

As a matter of fact, if you don't mind waiting,

I could go slice you off a little bit

of rump steak that you can cook for yourself.

Mum, mum! Mum!

Can you hear me?

What's wrong with her?

Well she's fainted.

Did you upset her?

What are you doing with these two stooges anyway?

Don't! You, You're not going anywhere.

Do not set foot on this property again!

Now move your fat asses.

I don't have a fat ass, do I?

Your best feature!

Go!

George, put the knife down!

I love you Damon, I've always loved you.

But I think you'd better go too.

Mum, mum, are you all right?

Are you ok

You scared the freaking hell out of me,

did you forget to breathe again?

She did the same thing in 1969, Beatles Shindig in London.

The one on the rooftops, where they played?

Yeah!

I remember that story,

it's where you all met for the first time, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah!

Are you still going to represent Meredith?

I've given my word, Mum.

Then George is right, you should leave.

Well.

You threatened Meredith and Scott with a bloody knife!

Yeah.

- It isn't over yet. - No.

- We have to hide Fred. - Yeah.

Leave it to me, I've got a great idea.

Why is Damon doing this?

I mean, I know he and Meredith

were close when they were children, but...

Listen, how can we ever know what goes on in a man's mind?

- Can you get the door? - Yeah.

Freezing out here.

Not as freezing as it is in there.

I hope Fred gets home in time to light the fire.

So how long are you staying, Becca?

As long as I'm needed, Julie.

Miles and I are getting a divorce.

Oh my Lord, Becca.

Why didn't you tell me?

What happened?

He's been cheating on me.

I should have left a long time ago.

I'm so, so sorry.

It can happen to anyone.

I'm afraid if I found Fred cheating on me,

I think I'd make him very, very sorry.

The things I've sacrificed for that man.

The things I've done for him.

All right?

I love you.

I love you too.

- Ooh, cake. - Yes, cake.

Do you want another one?

Um yes please

You know Merry, she'll probably spin some crazy yarn about

how one of us chased her away, wielding a bloody knife.

Meredith always did have an overactive imagination.

She gets it from Fred!

I just hope to God this whole thing

doesn't blow up in our faces.

I don't think God can help us this time.

Seriously?

I'm going to do the washing up.

It's Georgeann's turn!

There's someone coming!

It's Lucille Varice, I know her, she's a health worker.

Oh, she's nice.

Oh well let's just roll out the red carpet

all the way to the cellar.

George, we need Julie to forget about the cellar!

Okay, all right, you know the bitch, open the door.

She's not a bitch!

No she isn't!

Okay, why don't you sue me!

Hello, I'm... Rebecca, Sissy!

I'm just checking I have the right address.

Is this where Mrs. Julie Haney lives?

Yes, it is, it is, come on in!

How are you Lucille?

Let me take your coat.

How are your children?

Oh fine, fine, yes, two at school.

I guess I'm just a little confused.

I'd bet you are.

Didn't Meredith fill you in when she phoned you?

Sissy, I'm not at liberty to give you any information,

even if I did have any.

Don't worry about Sissy.

Until a few days ago, she was Julie's sole carer,

she's very protective.

Hi, I'm Georgeann, I'm the other old bird that's helping

Rebecca and Sissy torment and torture poor Julie.

The one with a knife.

George!

Don't mind her, she's a bit of a joker.

Do sit down.

No, I'd rather get straight to the point.

I'm following up a report, a possible case

of abuse to the elderly disabled.

Where is Mrs. Haney?

Oh she's the one over there cracking the pistachios.

And when she's not cracking the pistachios,

she cracking us up, aren't you?

As for the abuse, she's the one

that leaves the little brown parcels in the bathroom.

George!

I'm sorry, but this whole thing

is such a freaking waste of time.

Freaking?

Please ignore her, we do.

Julie?

Should I, do I know you?

No, I don't believe we've met.

I'm Lucille.

Are you here about Fred, have you found him?

Her husband deserted her four years ago,

poor thing, she still expects him

to come waltzing in the door.

Oh, I didn't know, that's very sad.

And poor Meredith, she still can't accept the fact

that her father doesn't want any contact with them.

Oh I see, I mean, you don't say!

Well I do say, and I think that's the reason

she's so hell bent on causing trouble,

because she blames her mum!

Right, well I really must get to work,

and make sure you have a safe,

clean environment, Mrs. Haney.

If you need anything, just let one of us know.

Well I'll just go and have a proper look around,

if you don't mind.

Look out, George!

Don't think those won't bite, because they will!

Julie, there are no squirrels,

what you're seeing isn't real!

It's not funny, George, she really sees squirrels.

I'm sorry, I'm only laughing to stop from crying.

Open the door and let them out!

There you go Julie,

you scared the little critters right out the door,

now be a sweetie and give Sissy the bowl.

Oh, I think in all the excitement,

Julie's had an accident.

Can you take her to the bathroom?

Hell no, anything, anything but that!

Julie sometimes thinks she sees things that aren't here.

Today she's seeing squirrels.

Oh, I see, well everything seems to be in its place.

I'll just have a little chat with Mrs. Haney,

and then that should wrap things up for now.

George was just about to take...

Take her to the cellar.

Bet you didn't think about that.

Well, and by the time we get back,

you'll have Julie all cleaned up for the little chit chat.

Georgeann.

Well what?

Lucille doesn't want to see the cellar,

it's dark and dank and creepy down there.

But otherwise she'll feel that she's missed something,

you know, a torture chamber, a meth lab.

George.

Come on, come on, otherwise she can't honestly say

that she's looked in every nook and cranny.

No skeletons in the cupboard, no body in the freezer.

I'll go first so I can turn on the light.

Watch your step!

She's mad.

What are you doing?

You see, nothing but a dark, dank cellar, filled with

a collection of creepy dolls and petrified peaches.

And this, is where we put Julie when she gets too wild.

A couple of minutes in here and she's scared straight.

George, please!

Oh Rebecca, Lucille didn't just

pop out of a pumpkin patch.

Why, she couldn't imagine in her wildest dreams

that someone would actually bring somebody down here and

open the freezer if there were a real dead body in there!

Doesn't she, I mean, here, let me show you!

What is that?

Now, now, ladies, now, now, it's just a doll.

A dead-looking big doll.

Probably put there by one of Julie's grandchildren.

I mean, I would never have opened the freezer if I had known

there was a dead-looking baby doll in there,

I mean, it kind of freaked me out myself.

I'd like to get back upstairs now, and if you don't mind,

Georgeann, I don't care for your brand of dark humor.

She didn't see...

She saw everything she needed to see,

and now we're just heading up.

Now that would have been bad.

Lucille wait.

Shite.

Can this day get any worse?

I'll get her dressing gown.

I'll just get my coat.

I'll get it!

No, I'll get it,

you have done enough today George

I'll see her out, I'm just nipping out for a smoke.

Please do.

And don't hurry back.

Thanks Rebecca, you're being so sweet!

The pond, are you sure?

Julie always said it was really deep.

We can weigh him down with bricks.

And then that's the last we see of...

Shit, do you want to waylay?

I thought you ladies might like some milk,

straight from the cow!

Oh, lovely!

It's still warm!

She's been giving me this note since I was a boy.

Thank you so much.

I will lift!

Thank you much, toodle-oo!

No, no, we haven't been able to catch up.

Come on in.

Fred's been wanting to talk to you about the sheep.

Where's George going?

She, she fancied a swim in the pond.

Oh, she'd better be careful, it's very deep.

There's a shark in there!

Well, I'll pop back later, maybe, all right?

Bye!

Fred!

Where have you gone?

Ooh, fish fingers for tea, oh lovely!

Okay, so, we've traveled back in time to senior school?

Or is it infant school,

because that's how you two are acting.

I'm sorry.

I'm very, very sorry I scared you both.

I should have told you that I decided to move Fred.

How could you possibly think that

I would put a real baby in the freezer?

Do I seem that crazy to you?

It was a doll.

It was a doll baby, okay?

It served its purpose, now let's forget it.

Elena.

Who's Elena, Julie?

It's Meredith's favorite of all her dolls,

after she got rid of her baby,

she couldn't stand to have it in her room.

She doesn't know what she's talking about.

Julie, what are you saying?

Are you saying that Meredith got pregnant

when she was still young enough to play with dolls?

How can you take her seriously?

Shut up, George.

Yeah, shut up, do you think we're both stupid?

Apparently you and Julie are the only ones

in on this old secret.

No, no, Damon knew, and Fred.

Fred was so mad with Damon.

Well what's Damon got to do with it?

Oh stop taking it out on her.

Oh dear, you didn't know.

Didn't know, didn't know what, Julie?

Leave her alone!

Shut up, Georgeann!

What has Damon got to do with Meredith being pregnant?

Oh for heaven's sake, Rebecca,

what did you think they were up to all that time?

Discussing the weather?

George!

Maybe you should be quiet!

Maybe you should kiss my ass!

You see, you're upsetting Becca!

Well maybe she should kiss my ass too!

Be quiet!

Becca, you're upsetting Julie!

I think I need to talk to Damon.

Hey.

Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.

Didn't mean to...

Stop, stop, stop, I was just worried about you, Becca.

You and Julie should have told me the instant

that you two knew about it, I had a right to know!

Maybe...

- No, no "maybe," - You would have tried to...

that was my grandchild.

You would have tried to talk Meredith

out of having an abortion.

Well, admit it, you would have made Damon and Meredith

feel like shit for not wanting to keep it.

I don't know what I would have done,

but I deserved to know.

This was not about you, and what your parents made you do.

You were 17, Merry was 13.

Maybe I could have helped.

You had a job in an office already,

Merry was in high school.

I should never have trusted Julie to keep an eye on them.

Bullshit.

You never thought for a second that the kids were at it.

Blind and stupid.

What are you going to say to Damon?

Well I'm sorry, but I now know

why he feels he owes Meredith something.

Then I'm going to tell him that Meredith

is playing on his guilt to get back at us!

You go girl, it's time Meredith left Damon alone.

Becca, how lovely to see you again!

I hear you've moved in with Julie to help look after her?

Oh yes, yes, we all did, Sissy and Georgeann, too.

I um, I don't like to gossip, but

I've heard Meredith is in a bit of a spin about it all.

Oh really, I hadn't heard, I can't think why she would be.

Is Damon in?

Oh my goodness, look at the time,

maybe you should come back tomorrow,

we don't like to encourage late visitors.

Well it's hardly late, and I'm hardly a visitor,

Betty, I'm his mother!

What room is he in?

What room, or do I have to start banging on doors?

No, no, he's in the mimosa room,

it's the first on the left just past the daffodil room.

Yes, I know, it's the one

I lost my virginity in, with your father.

Who is it?

It's your mother!

Mum?

What are you doing up so late?

It's been a long time since I've had a curfew.

Although I hear I should've given you one

during your misspent youth.

Ah, mum, great, wonderful,

look can we talk about this another time?

Why, afraid that your lady friend might hear

how you got a 13-year-old girl pregnant

and never saw fit to share this

with your loving, devoted mother?

Mum, please!

Don't ask me about this now, please!

Fine, I just want to say one more thing.

You were a child too.

You do not owe Meredith for the rest of your life.

Butt floss.

How can anyone find this sexy?

Spill it, the suspense is killing me.

There was someone else in the room with him.

Who?

I don't know, she wouldn't come out of the bathroom.

I think I'll just wait here and see for myself.

I feel like a proud parent.

Oh go fuck yourself George, and give me a cigarette.

Two shockers in one single sentence,

I don't know if my heart will stand it!

You're not the only one who can keep a secret.

Thanks.

Those foxes are real trouble!

Yes they are.

Well they're all organic.

Oh thank you so much, Mr. Bruno.

Oh call me Jake, we're all neighbors now.

I'd better be getting back to Julie.

Isn't it time to milk the cows?

Toodle-oo!

Great copper you'd make!

Holy Moses!

Holy shit, what do you make of that?

Get your hands off me.

You and Damon!

Does Scott know?

This isn't any of your business.

You're not my real aunt.

Is that the best you can come up with?

Damon is my son, and you're using his guilt

to manipulate him.

Shame on you!

Now,

right.

Here's what you're going to do

if you don't want Scott to find out about this:

you're going to stop causing trouble,

and you're going to give up the idea

that you can change Julie's living will.

Are we clear, Meredith?

Clear as a bell.

Good, then I look forward to not seeing you again.

I think that was worth it

just to see you at a loss for words.

Bitch.

Well it takes one to know one!

We won't ask George, she'll cheat.

Well we don't want her playing.

I've got a very good hand.

I think I won!

You are a winner, you are!

It's hopeless, you won't get him with that.

I was thinking more of lunch.

There we are.

Are you going to help?

Oh I don't know, I was going to make

a nice paella or something.

You take

you take a foot

OK

Oh, he's even heavier now he's waterlogged.

Ah, there we go.

One, two, three.

Again, one, two, three.

Okay that'll do, that'll do.

Oh, oh he smells.

Hey, he looks good in blue.

How am I doing?

As much as I hate to say this, George,

but I think it's my turn.

Oh it's Jake, get rid of him Sissy!

God

Yoga in the woods, I'm scared of snails.

No snails in there!

Oh thank you, it's a long time since...

I wondered if you'd like to go

for a drink one night, or maybe a meal?

Thank you.

I'll put them in some water.

Up dog, down dog.

Bugger bugger bugger.

Ah shit, I can't believe we're digging

a bloody hole at my sodding age.

I can't believe the reason we're digging a sodding hole.

It's not very deep.

No it isn't.

Oh come on girls, we're killing ourselves,

let's call it a day.

It's cold enough and he's still frozen.

I'm going to hit the Ibuprofen and the scotch.

We'll carry on tomorrow.

I'll get some bricks,

weigh him down in case the foxes want to nibble at him.

Yeah, like the old west,

but instead of foxes, it was coyotes and buffalo.

I suppose the dried blood we found means

this isn't Fred's first ride in the wheelbarrow.

Yeah, explains a lot.

Goodnight, Fred.

Oh shit, dogs, I hear dogs.

Get dressed, George,

there's someone hammering on the door!

Jake's banging on the door!

And he's got a shotgun!

Where's Julie?

What?

Oh God!

Fred's been after that little devil for years.

I've a good mind to get my shotgun and join you!

Well what's all this about?

That bloody fox again.

It's taken Rosemary's baby chick this time.

Bugger wasn't content with just killing Rosemary.

I followed it to the property borderline there,

look, and I was just asking Mrs. Haney here

if I could continue the hunt.

As Julie's power of attorney,

I'm afraid I can't allow that Mr. Bruno.

Sissy, please!

Oh I'm so sorry, Jake, obviously my friends

don't realize how long we've been neighbors.

It's my fault, Mr. Bruno, it's my cat I'm afraid.

I've left the bedroom window open by mistake

and she slipped out.

But the minute we find her,

we'll let you know so you can continue your hunt.

It's just that she's orange, you see,

so we wouldn't want you to, you know.

We don't have a cat,

I'd know if there were a cat in the house, I'd be all itchy.

Don't blame her Julie, it's my fault.

I thought that if we kept Marmalade in the bedroom,

it wouldn't be a problem for you.

Why are you calling Ginger Marmalade?

It's my cat.

Marmalade Ginger.

Ginger, end of.

Well, there you have it, Mr. Bruno.

We'll look for the cat,

when she's back in the house you can hunt your fox.

Bye!

I can't believe you two just managed

to argue about a cat that doesn't even exist!

I knew it, I knew there wasn't a cat!

I'm not as crazy as I thought.

Wait till I tell Fred.

- Somebody... - Yeah.

Somebody, somebody finished it.

Somebody else knows.

We're screwed.

The bloodstain's gone.

I don't want to sound like a broken record,

but I need a drink, and a joint as fat as Fred's finger.

You are disgusting, and absolutely right.

I think I'll join you.

That's my girls

Whoever buried Fred obviously wasn't planning

on going to the police.

It just doesn't make any sense, I mean

I can't think who would do it, except maybe Damon.

Damon wouldn't cover up a murder, not even for her.

Oh Scot, what on earth is he doing here?

And without Meredith?

I didn't think he could take a piss without her.

He's seen us now, so we can't ignore him.

Scott!

Sissy!

Might I have a word with you and your friends?

Well?

Oh yeah, right.

Well the reason why I'm here.

I came by earlier and I found the wheelbarrow.

Julie had borrowed it last spring, and I returned it.

You were trespassing.

Was I?

Oh and here was me thinking I was

just being courteous by not waking you lot up.

What do you want, you sniveling little excuse for a toad?

Why just to be compensated

for all my hard work, of course?

Why it isn't easy burying a goat the size of Gilbert.

Do you know how hard it is

to get bloodstains out of a wheelbarrow?

Stop!

How much?

50 grand?

George, whack him one!

No, no, no, no!

He must be out of his mind.

Right, that's it, you have got 24 hours

to get me the money,

otherwise I'm going to the police station.

One way or the other, my cheap wife is going to pay!

I guess he knows about Meredith and Damon.

Yep.

Knows what?

Catch Sissy up, Rebecca,

while I go and get some ice for my hand.

Julie?

She's trying on clothes.

She thinks she's going to the theater tonight with Fred.

I'm beginning to envy her.

Yeah, me too.

So, what are we going to do about Scot?

Well we can't give him the money,

he'd be back for more and it would never stop.

He's having nothing, that disgusting little shit head.

Well, what's the alternative?

Why do I always have to come up with a solution?

Well because you veto anything I suggest.

And you're better at it.

Whatever.

I'm surprised you two can't come to the obvious conclusion.

We have to get rid of the body, this time, for good.

Oh no, you're not saying we've got to dig him up now?

Think of your triceps!

No more bingo wings.

I'm done in.

I've got just the thing.

George, I can't drink coffee after midday,

it'll give me the jitters!

You think?

If I have a heart attack, it's on you, George.

Here's to liquid courage, and purple muscles!

I'm full of energy, that's enough.

Did I miss something, have we been dieting?

No, don't worry Julie, we've been working in the garden.

Doing what?

Leaves, we've been raking leaves.

Oh but the little Tomlin boy always rakes my leaves.

He said he had too much homework this year.

Oh well, well I'm sure we'll find someone else.

I'll ask Fred, he'll know what to do!

Don't worry Julie, it's all done.

The only thing left to do is to dump the b...

burnt leaves, dump the burnt leaves.

Leaves, what leaves?

Don't worry, Julie, eat your soup.

Monty Mouse was bald.

No hair, no fur, not even the teeniest

of whiskers to twitch.

Oh Fred, oh Fred.

What is wrong with you?

Stop it Fred, no!

Want me to hit you again?

No!

Is that what you want?

Once and for all, I'll come for you.

What time is sunset?

We've got about another half hour.

Ooh, my heart's about to explode.

Good, serve you right for drinking the last tin.

Will you two stop bickering?

Someone should be keeping watch

to make sure that Scott hasn't followed us.

I wish he had, I have a bucket of nails

with his name on it.

I want to get something off my chest.

Spit it out.

Well, there, there's something I want to tell you

before Julie has a brain fart and blurts it out

or before everything goes tits up

and we end up in separate jail cells.

Well?

Well I just want you to know that

there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now.

Oh yeah, with a dead body in the back,

who wouldn't rather be here, right, Becca?

What's the punchline?

The cancer's back.

No!

Yes. Did Julie tell you?

It was the booze and fags,

and that humongous bag of pot in your drawer.

Oh shit there's a car coming!

What if they think we've broken down?

Quick, Sissy, kiss Rebecca!

What?

Just do it, God damnit, and keep kissing her

until they've gone past, it might be the cops!

If you didn't have cancer, I'd hit you.

Yuck!

I think I'm going to pee my pants!

I hope you do pee your pants.

before another car comes along.

Oh God, oh my God.

Remember, timing is everything!

If we miss we have to go and get him

and do it all over again.

That should be enough incentive.

Hold up, here comes a lorry!

Quick!

Get ready, go!

What happened, why didn't you let go?

It would have been too soon.

Anyone could see that, Sissy.

Oh, it stinks!

You're telling me.

On my cue.

Right.

Get ready:

one!

Two!

Wait!

Three, go!

Wait, I almost forgot something!

What?

Something I found on the cellar floor

belonging to old Fred.

His dick.

Fred's dick, the one you knocked off.

Okay, let's see how good I am at this.

Hellfire and save the matches!

Oh my God!

Let's get out of here!

Scott, what are you doing here?

Money.

I'm sorry.

Julie, we're playing gin rummy, not poker,

so put those peanuts back in the bowl.

Scott you know it's bad luck

to see the bride before the wedding.

You should be getting ready, so scoot.

Yes Scott, scoot.

There's nothing for you here.

Are you lot out of your minds?

Listen, if I don't have 50 grand by the time I leave here,

my next stop's going to be the police station.

You tried to cover up a murder.

Your accusations are absurd!

We're just old ladies trying to help our friend

make the most out of what's left of her life.

What are you doing here Scot, did Merry send you?

You should go and be gone.

We may be old, but we're not stupid.

It's extremely hard to make a murder charge stick

when there's no body.

When there's no body.

You bitch!

Right, that's it, I'm going to tell Meredith.

You won't get away with this, she'll believe me!

Maybe, maybe not, you do what you have to do Scot,

just like we did what we had to do.

I never did like him, my Merry's far too bright

for a thicko like Scott.

I totally agree.

Well he's gone, and he won't be coming back any time soon.

Maybe even longer than you think.

And where were you while we had to deal with that...

Pompous ass!

Pompous ass, that's quite right, Julie.

Just a minute, I have to make a concerned citizen call.

George, what do you mean?

Hello?

I'd like to report a crime.

Well, I was walking my dog and this strange man stopped

and asked me if I'd like to buy some marijuana.

Yes, yes!

Well he had a whole bag under the driver's seat,

well at least I think that's what it was.

Well I'm just an old lady,

it might have been a bag of parsley for all I know.

He's driving a dark blue Estate, license number HJ64CWD.

Excuse me!

Yes, thank you very much, bye bye!

George, you didn't!

I did, I most certainly did!

And now it'll be the drug dealer's word

against the four little old ladies.

I can't believe you gave up your stash.

Well not the whole thing, I'm not that generous.

Oh life is good.

Do you think he'll tell them, anyway?

I don't know.

But what I do know, is that we now know

that if we stick together, we'll get through anything.

We should all have an old-fashioned sleepover

while Fred's out of town!

Oh that would be fun!

That's a wonderful idea, Julie!

Sounds good to me!

And we can play spin the bottle,

and Sissy and Rebecca can practice kissing.

What is wrong with you?

Your nuts

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