All language subtitles for DeMarcus.Family.Rules.S01E05.720p.NF.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV_Subtitles01.ENG

I'm so happy you're out here to help me.

You read the directions to me,
and I'll put it together, okay?

-Fine.
-Is that all right?

-I'm not touching it.
-Why?

Look...

"Flammable gas."

It's gonna explode in your face,

and you're gonna be sad.

-It's not gonna explode.
-Yes, it is.

"Caution," "Warning," "Danger,"
"Danger," "Warning."

"Never leave the appliance unattended."

"The use of alcohol

may impair the consumer's ability
to operate the appliance."

That may be a problem.

-[Maddie] Tell me something right now.
-Yeah.

Have you ever fried a turkey?

No, I've not fried a turkey ever.

-[James] Hello, hello.
-[Maddie] Hey.

-What's going on, y'all?
-Hey, Ava.

-Did you know those can explode?
-No, it's not gonna explode.

-We're gonna do it right.
-Have you seen the videos?

I haven't seen the videos,

but they wouldn't sell 'em
if they just blew up.

-You might wanna take a look.
-I don't know why everybody's on me.

Let's see a little support.

Otherwise, we're not gonna have a turkey
for Thanksgiving, right?

That looks like the same one
that I bought, actually.

Just watch this, though.

[explosion on video]

-That's a lot of fire, dude.
-Whoa!

You wouldn't think
people were that flammable.

[James] Yeah.

You could be one of those people
that are that flammable.

We'll put this together.

And since you've done it before,
you can fry the turkey.

I didn't say I've done it.
I've just seen it done.

I think we should just order pizza.

Definitely.

♪ I'm taking every single day ♪

♪ And hold it till it turns my way ♪

♪ As long as I have faith, fight, love ♪

♪ It's the life of a driven man ♪

[Miss Jane] Yoo-hoo!
Your sister and I are gonna come help.

-Hey, Momma.
-What are you doing?

-[Amy] Hey.
-I'm making our fall tablescapes.

Now what color are you spraying that?
It looks gold. You need silver.

-Silver? My whole house is dipped in gold.
-No. Look, here's some silver.

Use that silver polish right here.

-What are you doing?
-I'm making these gold for the table.

No, you gotta have glitter, too.
Where's the glitter?

-I know, I-- [sighs]
-I want some glitter.

I always put glitter. You know that.
You were raised with glitter.

I don't have any glitter, but I would like
for you to sprinkle these with glitter.

Jay wants to do Thanksgiving this year,

and he's put it all on Allison.

I've never hosted Thanksgiving before

because we've always spent
every Thanksgiving in Jackson.

And then, when our dad passed away,
right before Thanksgiving in 2016,

we just couldn't celebrate the same way.

We needed to do something different.

Yeah. And we've just been avoiding it
ever since.

But he would want us to do it.

Don't you think?

I definitely think he'd want us to,

and would be really impressed
that I was doing anything

with the cooking part of Thanksgiving.

Still a little worried about that.

I'm gonna be fantastic.

What is all this?

-Guys, stop.
-We've got gourds.

-Stop, guys. I already have stuff done.
-What is--

What is this? What are you doing?
-Candles.

-No. I am doing this.
-I am helping. If I came, I'm helping.

Guys, I already have a plan.
I have a vision.

-You can spray paint it.
-I've got all this ready.

Okay, let me--
I don't wanna ruin my manicure.

Nobody wants you to do that.

-So, why don't you just not spray paint?
-I can spray paint with these gloves on.

-Oh, I love the silver.
-[Allison] Guys....

Mom, I don't--
I don't need all of that done.

I've got to have
some color in the room, too.

Let's work on the menu.

-Menu. I'll do sweet potato casserole.
-Guys!

-I've already got Mickey booked.
-I'm gonna make the pecan pie.

Some people say "pe-can,"
but they're from the North.

It's "pe-cahn" pie if you're
from the South.

I don't want pecan or pecan.

And I can do this.
I don't need any help.

In all seriousness,

I want one thing in return,
and we will leave this to you.

What is it?

I want the tradition back

that we ring the bell at dinner.

Oh, yes.

-You ring the bell…
-[Amy] The bell

that Mom and Dad's friends
gave them,

and you ring the bell in honor of those
that are no longer with us.

-That's Dad.
-I wanna ring it for Dad.

In the South, in some homes,

it is a tradition to ring a dinner bell

in honor of people in the family
who have passed.

And we want to honor him
because we loved him so much

and there's such a void
without him here, but I don't know.

It's just been too hard.
So, we've never really, actually faced it.

I think we need to ring the bell.

We've gotta rip the Band-Aid off and try
to continue some of these traditions

that have been a part of our family
for a really long time.

I just don't wanna do that.

It's too sad.

You don't want the children to forget him.

I don't ever forget him.
I think about him every single day.

[Amy] Of course you do.

We think of him,
but I don't want them to forget him.

Right. I don't either.

[Amy] We're gonna do the bell. I'm sorry.

Okay, guys, I've gotta clean my house,
because I have houseguests

because all of a sudden
Jay's family's coming over.

So, I can do this, and it'll go faster
if there's not so much critique.

-[Amy] Whatever.
-[Miss Jane] We're out of here.

-Forget it.
-[Amy] Happy Thanksgiving.

-I can't wait to come over.
-[Miss Jane] You're very irritable today.

Bye-bye.

Go take a happy pill.

♪ You ain't gonna change me ♪

♪ You ain't gonna change me ♪

♪ No, you ain't gonna change me ♪

Can we go to Wendy's and the movies?

[Jay] No, buddy.
We don't have time to do that.

We're going to the, uh, pet store.

We gotta pick up, uh, Priscilla's dress
for Thanksgiving.

Daddy, I want a baby German Shepherd.

-Guys.
-Ava got Cally.

Listen, guys, we've got Priscilla.

She's-- She's blind.

She can't walk without running into
anything every two seconds.

Well, because she's old, buddy.

[Madeline] Daddy, can we please get a dog?

[Jay] Listen, we're gonna grab the outfit
and we're out.

Okay, then you hate dogs.

-No, I don't hate dogs. I love dogs.
-Then get a dog.

Who's gonna take care of it?

-[Madeline] Me!
-You.

You take care of the dog,

you buy food to feed it,

you take it to the vet,
and you can have a dog.

I'm not gonna take it to the vet
'cause I don't even have a car.

I think Mom would poop a brick.

"Poop a brick"?

-[laughs]
-Ooh! I have a riddle for you.

Okay.

How do you get a brick
out of your butthole?

-How?
-You don't eat a brick.

-[Dylan giggles]
-That's really good, buddy.

[Jay] You think Priscilla'd look
great in this?

-Holidays coming up.
-We got a little Santa sweater for her.

-She'd look great in that.
-Love that. Whoa, what's this here?

-No. Not her style.
-That's-- What?

[dog barks]

[kids] Aw!

[Dylan] Look at the puppy.

-Hey, buddy.
-[woman] Down, Bubba.

-Daddy! I wanna go inside!
-I wanna go inside!

We're not going inside. We're getting
a couple things for Priscilla

-and that's it.
-Bye!

Guys, ho-- I'll be right back, okay?

Go, go, go!

[Jay] Guys...

-What don't have time--
-Can we get a dog?

-No.
-Can we get a dog?

-Absolutely not.
-Can we get a dog?

-We cannot get a puppy.
-[woman] Hey, guys.

-Mommy will never--
-Hi!

Hi. Welcome to Nashville Humane.
Are you interested in maybe adopting?

-No.
-Yeah.

-No. Absolutely not.
-So, Dad says no.

-Kids say yes.
-We've got a dog at home.

You have a dog-- Well, the great thing
about adopting from Nashville Humane

is that you can actually do
a trial adoption.

So, you can actually take a dog out
for a test drive, kind of like...

-[Jay] Right.
-...and see how it works in your home.

Yeah, that sounds amazing.

-But we don't need to test drive anything.
-No?

We could at least go look
at the dogs, right?

-I want a puppy!
-You want a puppy? Come on, Dad.

-Let's go look at the puppies.
-Here we go.

-Puppy! Puppy! Puppy!
-[woman] Come on, Dad. Puppy, yeah!

This is our puppy room.

-Are you all ready?
-Yes!

[woman] Let them smell you first.
There you go.

You wanna take one out? Yeah.

Let me help you.

-This is Tink.
-Tink?

[woman] What do you guys think?

-[Dylan] Look at his little white tail.
-[woman laughs]

Dad, can we please get this puppy?

No. Guys,
we're not getting puppies tonight.

You know what you have to do
with a puppy?

You have to watch it all the time.
It pees and it poops all over the house.

-You're not gonna--
-Nobody cares.

Yes, I care.

[woman] We do have some big dogs

-that are trained.
-Big dogs. Yay!

-You wanna see those?
-Yeah!

You're not helping me.

-Yes!
-Let's get everybody out.

Everybody out.

[Dylan] But look at this one.

[Jay] Let him smell
your hand first, buddy.

Hey, buddy. How are you?

She's adorable.

-Guys...
-[Dylan] Yeah!

-Oh, my God.
-[Dylan] There you are...

Just being in there and seeing their faces
and how excited--

I mean, I'm the fun dad, right?

So, I mean, you know, I--

Who knows? [groans]

Okay. We can take a dog home
on two conditions.

Yeah!

-Listen.
-Yay!

I haven't given you a condition yet.

It's only for the weekend to try,
to see if they're okay in our house, okay?

And number two, it's gotta be a small dog.

Okay.

[Allison exclaims softly]

It might have a little bit of a crunch.

And where's Mickey? I cannot do this.
This is ridiculous.

I need him.

I still have, like-- Ugh!

Now my jewelry's, like, flinging off.

Where's-- Mickey, where are you?

Do you not see my whole mouth
all swollen up?

I was having oral surgery, Allison.

I'm on all these drugs...

Can you just take
an extra pain pill, please,

and come over here right now?

-Well, honey, you'll figure it out.
-Mickey.

Now you're just being rude.

I need you to come over here, please.

-I'm hanging up the damn telephone.
-Don't hang up.

-I need you to tell me about this recipe--
-All right, I love you.

Happy Thanksgiving. Bye-bye.

Mickey?

Mickey?

[Jay] This is unbelievable.

You guys couldn't have gotten a dog
any smaller than this one?

All right, you guys be quiet. Shh!

[shouting] Why do we have to be so quiet?

Because we gotta keep this
under wraps, Maddie.

If Mommy finds out we brought a dog home,
she really will poop a brick.

-Why do you keep saying that?
-Why do you keep saying that?

It's a figure of speech.
She's gonna put us all in time-out.

Okay? Come on, Moose.

Our dad is gonna get in big trouble.

And when he says,
"You're getting in trouble,"

it's gonna be him that gets in trouble

'cause he's the one who bought it
with his own money,

and he's the adult.
It's not really our fault.

That's a good bo-- Oh! Phew!

What is that smell, Dylan?

[Dylan laughs]

[Jay] Eww! Oh, wait.

-It's disgusting.
-[Jay] Hey.

He's licking his nutsack.

-You would, too, if you could.
-[Madeline giggling]

[Dylan] Eww!

Buddy...

-Hey, big guy.
-First rule of being in this house:

Cannot lick your nutsack.

I should have let them have the puppy.

Let's feed him.

-Here's some food and peanut butter.
-Maddie.

He really goes after that water,
doesn't he?

[Dylan] You want some?

-[Maddie] Where's a bowl?
-There we go.

You're gonna feed him Goldfish?
We've gotta feed him dog food.

[laughs]

No.

-I'm crushing it up for him.
-He doesn't need it crushed up.

You see how big his mouth is?

I accidentally spilled the spit water.

Sorry.

[Jay] This didn't turn out as planned.

[sighs] Crap.

[Amy chuckling]

What the hell is this, Allison? Honestly.

Mickey decided that today
was the perfect day to have oral surgery.

What in the world is happening right now?
What are you laughing at?

-This is Thanksgiving?
-Stop.

You do not know the first thing
about cooking.

What are you talking about?

You just have to be able to read a recipe
and measure things.

What is the difference between
baking soda and baking powder?

I don't know.
They're both white... substances

that look like they should be...

Yeah. I rest my case.

...a substance that is illegal.
I don't know.

What-- What is the difference?

I don't know,
but I'm not trying to cook Thanksgiving.

Allison, this is out of control.
What do you want me to do with this part?

I need to put the other two layers
on the top.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I don't even see the other two layers.

Yes. That's what we're doing.

No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.
-Listen to me.

What?

You are just freaking out in here

and running around like a wild person.

The real reason that you're like this

is because of Dad.

And we're trying to have
a Thanksgiving meal

and sit down as a family together
for the first time without him.

And sometimes, like,
we just have to stop, and, like...

I don't know, talk about it
or acknowledge that.

I miss Dad every single day.

And...

just because
I don't sit around and cry,

and because I try and keep myself busy,

doesn't mean that I miss him
any less than you.

Well, can you tell me anything
about what you feel?

I wanna tell him every single funny thing
that Dylan has done,

because it's the one thing
that brought him the most joy in life,

was talking about our kids.

It kills me to think that they won't have
any real memories of him.

And I worry that I'm not gonna be
the kind of parent that he was to us,

because I feel like
he was a near-perfect parent.

-Yeah.
-I don't know how he did it.

And I just worry,
'cause that's all I wanna do,

is take care of everybody, too.

[Amy sniffles]

I'm gonna have to have
some physical contact. You have to hug me.

[muffled exclaiming]

My jump suit.

My cooking suit.

You almost suffocated me in your sleeve.

Come on. All right.

Turn to page 82 in that one.
My picture's on there.

Wait. You got out your own cookbook
with your picture on it?

Just in case you wanted to revisit
my cooking career.

[laughing]

Oh... Oh, no, no, no, no!

-[Dylan] Hey, Moose.
-No!

-Hey, buddy.
-[Jay] Oh, no!

[Dylan] Oh, wow.

-Oh! Look at the poo!
-[Jay] Moose!

-Oh, my gosh.
-Smells bad in here.

Dylan, you're cleaning that up.

Get some paper towels.
You're cleaning it up.

-[Madeline] I'm not doing it.
-No!

[Jay] Moose...

Maybe I can just give him back
at the end of the weekend.

We'll have to wait and see.

But he's tearing the shit out of stuff.

Is this what you meant by pooping a brick?

Yes, and it's what Mom's gonna do here
in about five minutes.

[Amy] I gotta get this casserole going.

[Miss Jane] Paige is doing
the green-bean casserole.

What do I need to do?

[Miss Jane] Cut the pies, cut the pies.

Mom, why are we gonna cut pies?

-[Paige] We don't have much time.
-[Allison] Let's wait. I can--

-Babe, what are you doing?
-What in the world?

I'm getting ready to do the turkey.

I'm worried about the children being...

-[Jay] They'll be all right.
-...blown up.

This is gonna be great, guys.

The fact that you have to have
a hazmat suit in the first place,

is very scary.

Why can't we just roast it
or buy it that way?

I mean...

Because a fried turkey is the bomb.

Where the hell did you get that outfit?

I got a buddy of mine,
works at the fire department.

After you showed me those videos,
I got a little worried.

Well, you look ridiculous,
but it's probably not a bad idea.

[Jay] Okay, what are you doing
with all that?

-Making sure you don't burn your house.
-We're gonna be fine, okay?

All right, y'all.
Need to stand back, all right?

Oh, my goodness.

If you get caught on fire,
stop, drop and roll.

-I'll put you out.
-Oh, thanks.

I hope I've got the right amount of oil
in here.

Did you used vegetable oil or...

-Yeah, Wesson oil.
-It's supposed to be peanut oil.

Oh! Well, oil's oil, right?

No!

I have zero faith that this gonna go well.

In fact, I'm pretty sure
we're gonna burn the house down.

You could've jumped in
and helped a little bit.

I stood back at a safe distance...

and helped.

-Helped laugh with the kids.
-Yeah. Well, it was entertaining.

[laughing]

Hey, this is--
I think this is gonna be good, man.

I'm gonna leave that stick
connected to it.

-Here.
-Okay?

-All right, we might be okay.
-[Ava] You look like a robot!

-It looks good.
-As long as that turkey isn't frozen.

[James] It might work, dude.

-Dude, we did it, man.
-Yeah.

-That's what I'm talking about.
-How about that? Suck it, turkey!

[laughing]

You know, you didn't want us to help,
but we're here.

I love you.
I want you to have a good Thanksgiving.

You need to just calm down.
Breathe deep.

-[breathes deeply]
-Get those high heels off

so I can talk to you eye to eye.

[laughing]

[Miss Jane] And you know, Allison,
thank you for letting us be here.

I know this is hard for you,
but I'm proud of you.

And your daddy would be proud of you, too.

This is-- This is a hard week always.

Amy and I grew up doing
the same exact thing

every single Thanksgiving.

Our grandmother and our mom

cooked together the Thanksgiving meal
for decades.

So, it is hard,

because now we're trying to start fresh
in a new place at a new table,

and there's some empty chairs
that we just can't fill.

At the end of the day,

we have old traditions
paired with new ones

and we're stronger for it.

I'm learning I need
for everybody to help.

I get it.

I will relinquish control for all this.

But now, listen.

Even if I relinquish control here,

it does not mean anybody's
messing with my dining room.

I'm taking care of the table
and everything in there.

-[dog barking]
-Wait. Shh! Shh!

I...

Is that a dog barking somewhere?

-[Allison] Probably one of the Chihuahuas.
-[Amy] Is it Priscilla?

-No, it's...
-She's too tiny.

Priscilla hadn't bark since 2015.

Now, listen, my eyesight might be bad
and my ass might be big.

My hearing is fantastic,
and I hear something.

-[chuckles]
-Hey, guys, look here!

[excited exclamations]

[Amy] Hi, guys.

Hi, baby.

My favorites! My favorites!

-[Allison] Hey, Grammy.
-[Jay] You doing okay?

[Caron] Hi! My baby.

-I'm glad you're here.
-Hanging in there. Me, too.

I'm so happy you're here.

I'm really thrilled that my mom and my
sister could make it in for Thanksgiving.

I don't get to see them much.

And it really meant a lot
to have somebody from my family here,

because this whole show's been
about her entire family.

Okay, guys, here we go.

Everybody, let's start moving
into the dining room.

There's a place card
where everybody's supposed to sit.

Everybody let-- Everyone's moving.

Everyone's moving, guys.

I'm gonna go get the turkey.
I think it's done.

-See you guys in a minute.
-We can't wait to see this... creation.

-You're gonna love it.
-Are you sure?

I'm so worried about that.

[Paige] This is just lovely.

-This is beautiful.
-Looks amazing.

Great job, Allie.

-Let's clap for Allie.
-Yeah.

[guests cheering]

Thanks, guys.

[guests] Oh!

-[Miss Jane] Yay!
-Golden brown turkey.

Yay!

Served up hot!

[Allison] That looks so good!

Babe, is it kind of small?

-It looks--
-It loses about 13 pounds in the fryer.

[James] It only took us three turkeys,
but we got it right eventually.

Here we go. Oh, wait a minute!

I got somebody else
that I need to bring in here.

He's been living in my studio
for the past couple of days.

-What?
-I need to bring him up here.

I know who he is!

Everybody just hang tight, okay?

Yeah!

-Babe, you know I don't like surprises.
-Well, you're gonna love this one.

Everybody, this is Moose!

-[Dylan] Yay, Moose!
-[James] What is this?

[Paige] What in the world?

-Come on.
-[Dylan] Hey, buddy.

-[James] Did you get a miniature horse?
-I was not drunk. It was a dog.

I'm so sorry, baby.

Babe, there's hair going everywhere.

-What are you doing?
-He's good a good boy.

I can't leave him down in the studio.
He's torn everything up down there.

So, here's what we'll do.
We're gonna have Thanksgiving with him.

He's gonna be here, and then we'll find
a good home for him after we're done.

Is he gonna sleep in the bed
with you and Allison?

No, just Allison.

Y'all don't share a bed, anyway.

[James] You're not gonna be
in the bed anymore...

-[Jay] Well--
-....after getting the dog?

After getting the dog,
I won't have a choice.

Lord have mercy, dude.

Let me say the blessing. Here we go.

Lord, thank you for this time together
as a family.

And thank you for reminding us
what really is important in this life.

We love you and we praise you

and in your name
we pray all these things. Amen.

Amen.

Let's go around the table and talk about
what we're thankful for.

Sit down here, Moose.

What are you thankful for
this year, Dylan?

Uh...

[Paige] All right. Moving right along.

Maddie, what are you thankful for, baby?

I'm thankful for my family
and I'm thankful for my house.

Me, too. That it's still here
after Daddy fried that turkey.

Thank you, Madeline.

-Tiff, what are you thankful for?
-I'm thankful for my amazing brother--

No. I'm just kidding.

-Uh, I'm thankful...
-[guests laughing]

That was so heartfelt for a second,
then it all took a nosedive.

I'm thankful for my children.

[James] Cheers to that.

I'm thankful for my life with Robert
for 47 years

and my...

two wonderful daughters.

And of course
my three perfect grandchildren.

Perfect grandchildren.

Most of the time, Dylan.

Amen.

That's sweet. Mommy, I love you.

Hear that nutsack jiggling?

Dylan, nobody needs to talk about that.
It is Thanksgiving!

You're not gonna have any blessings to
talk about anymore if you don't calm down.

[James] Oh, my God.

Babe, I know that it's the first
kind of real Thanksgiving

we've had together as a family
since your daddy passed,

and I appreciate you making an effort

to make it so special.

I'm glad that we did it,
but I know it was hard.

Thanks.

I'm gonna ask Allie
if she would ring the bell for Grandy.

-[James] Absolutely.
-[Miss Jane] Oh...

[bell ringing]

Thank you.

I know I got a little stressed.

I know I took a few things to the extreme.

I mean, it is hard of me
and I internalize that

and just try and keep everything
going for everybody else,

but I feel like somebody has to.

Yeah, but here's the thing.

You don't have to be a rock all the time.

You're safe with me.

You should be able to feel, and say,
and do anything you want to with me.

I mean, the times
that I have needed to break down,

you have helped me. So...

When was that? I don't remember that.

-Uh, 2004.
-Yeah.

[Jay] Let's carve this turkey.
What do you say?

[James] Oh, Lord!

It works good.

[Amy] I'm hungry.

Uh-huh. Here you go, buddy.

[James] Yeah! There you go.

How about that, Moosey?

[all screaming, laughing]

This is what you get
for bringing a dog in our house

that is one hair shy of a Shetland pony.

[Jay] Good boy, Moose.

Told y'all we should have ordered a pizza.

[Dylan] Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

[Paige] What are we gonna do
with that damn dog?

["Do It Our Way"
by Andrew Nicholas Love playing]

♪ We'll soar ♪

♪ Above it all ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ We'll do it our way
Our way now ♪

♪ Hey ♪