All language subtitles for Corporate s03e05_English

- Twenty years ago,

Hampton DeVille was formed
when my company merged

with another company owned
by a one Parker Hampton.

Now he and I could
never see eye to eye.

Hampton is 5'2" and blind.

I'll spare you the details.
Suffice to say,

he and I got into
a petty disagreement

over a measly $1 million.

Now, Hampton was raised poor,

so he's always counted
nickels and cents

like some Dickensian
penny pincher

even after he was
a billionaire many times over.

That miserable little prick
has made it clear

that if I don't pay him
that million dollars,

he's going to come
after me with all he's got.

So I need you boys to deliver
this briefcase to him

at the DeVille Suites
in Jackson Lake,

six hours north.

Now this is extremely
important to me.

I care about this more than...

Hmm...

- Family?
- No, not family.

- Friends?
- I'm more of a "Seinfeld" guy.

- Oh, this is so hard.
- Yeah.

- What is important in life?

- The, uh,
the power of seduction?

- No.
- I kinda care about football

because it's the only thing I
can talk about with my father.

- Gourmet dining?

- Well, I'll give it
some more thought.

The point is...

Don't fuck this up.

♪ ♪

- Okay,
but what happens if we do?

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[country music]

♪ ♪

- Jesus.

♪ ♪

Combos?
Really, Jake?

- Don't judge me.
I'm in vacation mode.

Some people cheat on
their significant others

while they're out of town.

I eat Combos.

I got a Lotto scratcher
as well.

- Well, there goes $2
you'll never get back.

- Wait, what?
It's never coming back?

Oh, no!
My $2!

- Well, if you don't
start thinking

about these things now,

you won't have any money
for retirement.

- How will I ever
be able to retire now?

I'm so worried!

I'll have to work until long
after I'm dead!

♪ ♪

- Oh, uh, no, thanks.
We got it.

- Oh, no problem, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

- Have a great stay.

- [sighs] You've got
to stay on your toes.

If you're not careful,
hotels will bleed you dry.

I was gonna tip her.
- Jesus Christ, man.

The whole point of hotels

is to make other people
do stuff for you.

It's like being a kid before
you realize your parents

are human beings and you're
destroying their lives.

- Here are your keys.

And all I need now is
a credit card.

- Wait, I thought the room
was paid for.

- Yes, the card covers you
in case of incidentals.

For example, you might
incidentally enjoy

some of our hotel's
top-shelf pornography,

or you might
incidentally destroy

one of our fine toilets.

- We're on vacation.
Maybe we'll do both.

- Jake, can you give him
your credit card?

- I drove!
- [sighs]

- You're gonna be okay,
buddy.

Who's my big boy?

- I'm your big boy.
- Correct.

- Oh, and there's a note
here for you

from someone named Hampton.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Sweet.

We have the whole night
to ourselves.

- Hey, where's the luggage?
Where's the briefcase?

- I got them right here, sir.

- You slick fuck.

- Elevator's this way,
gentlemen.

- I drove,
so you're tipping her.

- [sighs]

- By the way, I highly
recommend you check out

the pornos
if you get the chance.

They're top-shelf.

- Do you happen
to have change for a 20?

- I actually don't.
Sorry, sir.

- Oh.

Not a problem.

Here you go.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you, sir.

- [whimpers]

- Locked up in
an office all day,

you forget how breathtaking
the natural world can be.

What do you say
we hit the hot tub?

- I bet she did have change.
She's a bellhop.

People give her
small bills all day.

- Relax.

You got grifted for 20 bucks.
So what?

Are you really going
to let that ruin

the rest of your trip?

- I can't help it.

That's how I was raised.

My mom grew up poor,

or her mom did, so my mom
still pretended we were poor

even though we had some money?

Anyway, I was never allowed
to buy popcorn

at the movie theater.

Mom said we couldn't
afford it.

But then one summer,

my parents paid me
a quarter an hour

to re-varnish the deck.

But there were a bunch of
wasp nests under that deck,

and my face got all stung up

until finally, after
two weeks of absolute hell,

I earned enough money to
buy myself one medium popcorn.

[register dings]
- Here you go, kid.

- The cashier gave it to me,

I took one step away
from the counter,

and tripped
on the sticky floor.

The mean teens laughed at me.

Anyway, now any time
I spend money,

I experience
psychological trauma.

- Another enthralling sob story

from Matt's tragically
banal childhood.

Listen, your 20 bucks
is gone,

but I'm gonna teach you
how to enjoy

the supple pleasures
of a hotel.

Go take an extra-long shower.

By the time you're done,

I'll have this room down
to a refreshing 63 degrees.

[opera music]

♪ ♪

- Ooh!
Good boy.

You use hotel towels
like napkins.

Spit your gum in them, mop up
a stranger's blood, go nuts.

Make sure to hydrate.

So, I was thinking we put
the briefcase in the safe.

Although, I have heard they
actually aren't that safe.

- What if we throw the Bible
in there with it?

That way at least the thief
will feel guilty.

- I love that.

Oh!
Five second rule!

[blows]

- Mmm.

This tap water
tastes pretty good.

- Oh, that's not tap water.
It's from the minibar.

[dramatic music]

- The incidentals.

- Ah!
Yeah!

Ooh, baby, that's hot.
Ooh!

- It's one of
the distinct pleasures

of being at
a corporate hotel chain

on a Wednesday afternoon.

We have the pool area
all to ourselves.

- Whoa, Jake.

I have some questions
about that bathing suit.

- I already know
where you're going with this.

Trust me,
I hate this bathing suit.

The general theme,
color palette--

it's all a nightmare.

It's not even my size anymore
since I lost weight.

And I'm pretty sure
Pebbles ate the drawstring.

- Well, I'm judging you
for wearing it.

I think less of you now
because of that bathing suit.

- But it technically works

and I only swim,
like, twice a year,

so why get a new one?

- Where'd you even get it?
- I don't remember.

I've come to realize
I don't buy clothes.

I acquire them along the way.
[gate creaks]

[gate clangs]

- [whispers]
Shit.

- [sighs]

[underwater flatulence]

Let me guess.
You guys were talking,

but now I'm here, and--

- Now we feel self-conscious
talking in front of you.

- But, listen,
I've accidentally ruined

a private hot tub convo before.

I empathize with you.

You are the victim here.

- I appreciate that.

- We were just talking about
Jake's terrible bathing suit.

- Let me have a look.

- Show him the suit, Jake.

- Oh, no!
That's just awful.

I know we just met, but...

I'm embarrassed to know you.

- Now, my bathing suit...

I feel okay about.

- Yeah, decent fit,
don't mind the color.

It's doing a lot of work,

considering
how weird your body is,

- How do you feel
about your bathing suit?

- Oh, I love my bathing suit.

Fits perfectly.

Not too tight, not too loose.

It's colorful, but not flashy.

It has an inner mesh that
allows the crotch to breathe,

but it also lets it know
that it's supported,

like a mother
cradling a baby's head.

- How much did it cost?

- $250.

- [whistles]
- Wow.

- So you guys here on business?

- Eh, we work
for Hampton DeVille,

but we're actually here
delivering

a briefcase full of money
to a billionaire.

- Oh, really?
Hampton DeVille?

I hear you make everything.

- That's what they say.
So what about you?

You here for business
or pleasure?

- Ah, both--I take
great pleasure in my business.

Actually...

I'd like to
talk to you about it.

I'll have the filet

and there's a big tip
in it for you

if that's extra rare
for me.

Hey, you guys want anything?

- Um, cheeseburger?
Thanks, Brad.

- One cheeseburger.
Make it juicy for my man.

- Plain salmon.
Wait, no.

Two plain salmons.

- All right, cool.
Two plain salmons.

And help yourself to
the minibar, right over there.

- Thanks.

- Is he insane?
- No, he's just rich as fuck.

Gets to live his whole life
in vacation mode.

You could learn
a thing or two from him.

- And throw in
some type of dessert.

I don't know, surprise me,
but make it moist.

- What's up with all these
weird sculptures in here?

- I'm glad you asked.

This is my business that
I wanted to tell you about:

peripheral objects.

Face forward.

But keep this object
in your peripheral vision.

[mysterious music]

See, you can sense
that it's there, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- But now...

I'll take it away.

- Oh, yeah.

- The room feels
empty now, right?

You feel empty.

But when I put it back...

♪ ♪

- Whoa.
Yeah.

- When it's there,
you never notice it,

but the absence of it
leaves a psychological chasm,

almost impossible
to recover from.

- How much do
these things cost?

- That one's a grand,
that one's 2,500,

this one's 1,350,

this one's 4 grand,

and that is 2,957.

- And people really pay you
that much for these thingies?

- Of course,
anyone in a position

of true power owns them--

CEOs, world leaders,

all the popes,
Glenn Close.

Each one is imbued
with a magical force,

powerful in its own unique way.

- This egg-shaped one
reminds me of an egg.

- That one's 300 bucks.
You can have it if you like.

- Really?
Wow, thank you.

- They make
great business gifts.

Maybe Christian DeVille
would like something like that.

- How much money you make
selling this stuff?

- Excuse me?
- Like, per year.

How much you raking it?
Seems like you're killing it.

[tense music]

- I invite you into
my presidential suite,

I show you my objects,

and you disrespect me by
asking how much money I make?

Do you wanna know
how big my dick is as well?

- Well, we kind of
already know,

'cause we saw you
in your trunks.

- And, yeah, congrats.

- All right, all right, get out
of here, you tactless pricks.

No salmon for you!

Out!
Let's go.

Get the fuck out of here.

You know what the best part
of having money is?

You can say "fuck you"
to anyone you want,

so fuck you!

- Who'd've thought
that entering

a stranger's hotel room
would go so wrong?

- Mm...

- Am I crazy
or did the room get shittier?

- Nah, we just got
a taste of a bigger room

and a better life, so

we're ruined
for the rest of the stay.

- [sighs]
Well, I'm starving.

- Let's do room service.
- No!

Room service
is highway robbery.

- Oh, my God.

I'll make you a deal.

If you pursue your popcorn PTSD
and order room service,

I'll pull the trigger
on a new bathing suit.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]
Okay, deal.

- I'll take two plain salmons,
extra plain.

- Yes, of course
I want ketchup.

It's $3 extra?

Oh, it's top shelf!
Oh, I see!

Well, hallelujah
and praise the Lord.

We got top shelf ketchup here,
Jake!

[sighs]
Fine.

Just give me the ketchup.

Fuck!

Fuck, shit, motherfucker!

[sighs]
Well, I did it.

I bought french fries.

- You have change for a tip
for whoever brings it, right?

[dramatic music]

- My mother was poor,
so that means we're poor, too.

We can't afford popcorn!

- The wasps.
[shrieks]

- Keep varnishing.

- Fuck.

[soft jazz music]

Hey, can you break a 20?

- Not without you
buying a drink.

It's hotel policy.

- What kind of policy is that?

- Hotel policy.

- Oh, hotel policy!

Well, then it makes
perfect sense.

- There's a convenience store
about a mile down the highway

that could probably
break your 20,

since you seem to enjoy making
things difficult for yourself.

- Let me think about it.

♪ ♪

[car honking]

- Oh, hey, my friend went to
get change for your tip,

because he's a psycho,
but he'll be back soon

if you can wait a minute.

- Sure, I can take a break.

What you looking up?

- Oh, I'm trying
to buy a bathing suit

and it's spinning me out.

Really, I'm just
looking for something

I wouldn't be embarrassed
to drown in.

- Well, the first thing
you need to do

is figure out
who you truly are as a person.

Then you're ready
to buy some trunks.

- Hmm.

[bright orchestral music]

- Hey!

Come on!

♪ ♪

- It's not that
it has to have elephants.

I just don't want parrots
and martini glasses.

- That's where
you and I differ.

But I respect
your point of view.

- I respect you, too, Tandry.

Oh, hey, Matt.
Tandry helped me

narrow down the field
to a few bathing suits.

And we ate
all your fries,

but there is
one plain salmon left.

- Well, I just walked
40 minutes to get your tip,

so here it is.
- Aw, thanks.

You know you could've
just tipped on the bill, right?

- Fuck me.
- Okay, I think I've got it.

It's got elephants,
not too short,

not too long, the reviews
are absolutely sparkling,

except for one guy
who has a lot to say

about white nationalism.

I'm gonna get it

before I have a chance
to second guess myself.

Goddammit,
they don't have my size.

[groans]
I give up.

[mysterious music]

- Whoa, what's this?

- We met some guy
who sells them.

They sort of exist
not to be noticed.

Did that make sense?

- For sure.
Like hotel art.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Have those been there
the whole time?

- Yeah, kind of pretty, right?

[classical music]

You dudes in town
for business or pleasure?

- It's funny that the opposite
of pleasure is business.

- Business is pain.
We're in town for pain.

- Well, work has to be painful.

Otherwise, nobody would
pay you to do it.

I certainly wouldn't be
wearing this uniform

if I wasn't getting paid.

- You know, I have to admit,

this trip hasn't been
that painful.

We're just delivering
a briefcase to a billionaire.

- Technically,
we're all getting paid

to carry
someone else's luggage.

- Right, but I have to lie

about not having change
to make rent.

You guys are probably making
a lot more money than me.

- We don't make
that much money.

- Oh, yeah?

How much you dudes
raking in per year?

[tense music]

- [huffs]
I invite you into our room,

I let you eat
all of Matt's fries,

and you disrespect me by
asking how much money I make?

Would you also like to know
how big my dick is?

- Well, I kind of
already know that,

based on how insecure
you're being right now.

- Sorry, Matt and I have
never compared our salaries.

Our friendship is fragile.

- I bet it would feel
really good

to tell someone,
though, right?

♪ ♪

Wow, you guys should definitely
not know what each other makes.

No question it would
ruin your friendship.

So, if you want
to remain friends,

you might want to put
a little tip in the Tandry jar.

- Matt, pay the nice lady.
- [scoffs]

- Twenty bucks each.
- What?

- Tip me right now or I'm gonna
fucking spill the beans.

[both sighing]

♪ ♪

- Good.
- Thanks, guys.

Pleasure doing business
with you.

- You guys are all checked out.

We did notice that you took
a water from the minibar

and tried to replace it
with a different water.

So you'll be charged
for the water

and also a penalty fee

for trying to trick us.

You fuck with us,
we fuck with you.

That's hotel policy.

Also, Hampton is ready for you
in the business center.

- Thank you.

- [sighs]
Hey!

Hey!
Stop that briefcase thief!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Oh!

[buzzing]

- [grunting]

[groaning and crying]
Aah!

[gibbering]

♪ ♪

- Jake!
[door opens]

Somebody stole the briefcase.

- Get dressed, psycho.

We have to meet Hampton
in ten minutes.

[bell ringing]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Mr. Hampton?

This is from Mr. DeVille.

Christian--
Christian DeVille.

Y-you know the guy.

- Matt, hand over
the briefcase.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[country music]

- Oh, hey, Jake.

Combos.

- Absolutely not.
Vacation mode is over.

- Hmm.

[tense music]

Whoa.
Jake...

Is that your bathing suit?

- Huh, I must've gotten it
at a gas station somewhere.

I could just get
a new one in my size.

I mean, it's only 12 bucks

and there's nothing
really wrong with it,

other than the overall design

and how bad it makes me
feel when I wear it.

- Fine, just get
the bathing suit.

If you drown, I'll make sure
nobody identifies the body.

- That's really sweet of you.

♪ ♪

- [groans softly]

[laidback music]

♪ ♪

- 5.01.

- All right.
Here you go.

Oh, and...

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[mysterious whirring]

- [screaming]

[screaming continues]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ My friends have left me ♪

♪ They're gone ♪

♪ I am hated ♪

♪ All my kids
think I should die ♪

♪ I tell them
that I don't cry ♪

♪ I don't cry ♪