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1
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,640
Where's the wife-to-be George?
2
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,360
Oh, Winky called time on all joint
public appearances.
3
00:00:33,445 --> 00:00:36,245
Bit of a blow but direct order from
Agnes, apparently. Tricky.
4
00:00:36,365 --> 00:00:39,685
I'm sure this dartboard's not
regulation height.
5
00:00:39,745 --> 00:00:42,465
George, you sit this side so
that the darts hit you and not me.
6
00:00:42,488 --> 00:00:44,888
I'm trying to nail down this
date for after half-term.
7
00:00:45,068 --> 00:00:47,688
Winky is not unamenable in theory.
It's delicate.
8
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:50,487
Hold on. Where's Auntie?
What?
9
00:00:50,488 --> 00:00:51,788
My hat - Auntie Brown.
10
00:00:51,888 --> 00:00:54,028
How am I supposed to know
you call it that?
11
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,308
Oh, here it is.
12
00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:58,648
Right, that's it!
13
00:00:58,728 --> 00:01:02,968
Was it really necessary to hang the dartboard
directly above our heads? It was... sadly.
14
00:01:03,128 --> 00:01:04,887
It's win-win, you see.
15
00:01:04,888 --> 00:01:08,107
Even if we miss,
we might still hit the dartboard.
16
00:01:08,108 --> 00:01:12,587
You're the darkness, Cecil Mowbray.
You're every mother's nightmare.
17
00:01:12,588 --> 00:01:15,608
Oh, let's just go.
You are ruining the game.
18
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,467
You. Hello?
19
00:01:19,468 --> 00:01:21,688
Do you want to be my boyfriend?
Yes.
20
00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,148
Right then. Come for lunch
at my mum's house tomorrow.
21
00:01:24,186 --> 00:01:25,686
I live at 28 The Green.
22
00:01:26,077 --> 00:01:27,357
Yep.
23
00:01:27,371 --> 00:01:29,470
All right. See you tomorrow then.
Bye.
24
00:01:29,471 --> 00:01:31,710
Bye.
Calm down, Bert.
25
00:01:31,711 --> 00:01:34,211
I'm not angry.
I just feel sorry for her.
26
00:01:34,301 --> 00:01:36,220
She didn't even see me, poor girl.
27
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,681
How do you know she didn't see you?
28
00:01:37,685 --> 00:01:40,385
No offence, but you don't ask you
out on a date if me and...
29
00:01:40,881 --> 00:01:43,361
if I'm sitting here.
I wouldn't worry too much, Bert.
30
00:01:43,444 --> 00:01:47,144
Presumably it's something along
the lines of "I go for lunch, I'm hit in the face with a brick."
31
00:01:47,145 --> 00:01:50,184
Is it definitely a trick? Maybe there's
something about you she finds attractive.
32
00:01:50,185 --> 00:01:51,945
Oh, yeah, maybe his face!
33
00:01:52,025 --> 00:01:55,005
Let me tell you something, George.
Life is not a fruit tree owned by you.
34
00:01:55,049 --> 00:01:57,229
It is a dead tree owned by no-one.
35
00:01:57,284 --> 00:02:00,184
Whatever her plan is,
it shan't be a happy one for me.
36
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,984
Can't work out if I'm hungry or not.
37
00:02:05,144 --> 00:02:08,344
I'll prepare you something light?
Indeed.
38
00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:11,044
Oh, now then. Hold on, everybody.
39
00:02:11,224 --> 00:02:15,044
I left a piece of writing
out on this table and now it's gone.
40
00:02:15,124 --> 00:02:17,624
What sort of piece of writing?
41
00:02:17,784 --> 00:02:20,664
Doesn't really... It was a poem.
42
00:02:20,918 --> 00:02:22,198
Oh, dear!
43
00:02:22,338 --> 00:02:25,198
Only seconds remaining until something
pretty dreadful comes to light.
44
00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:28,098
What? What do you know?
All right. Picture the scene. Me.
45
00:02:28,178 --> 00:02:30,657
The outhouse, after lunch
and - not a criticism -
46
00:02:30,658 --> 00:02:31,958
we've run out of toilet paper.
47
00:02:32,188 --> 00:02:35,227
So I waddle in here very much
in a manner unbefitting a gentleman,
48
00:02:35,228 --> 00:02:37,488
and take the first useless
bit of paper I find.
49
00:02:37,648 --> 00:02:40,508
Bert... Poorly phrased,
that was poorly phrased.
50
00:02:40,668 --> 00:02:42,768
I find what I think is
quite a bad poem.
51
00:02:42,928 --> 00:02:45,488
Did you use the poem
I wrote to Winky as toilet paper?
52
00:02:45,648 --> 00:02:47,887
Oh, boy, George.
I do walk the line, don't I?
53
00:02:47,888 --> 00:02:48,988
I know how to walk it.
54
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,068
Bert! I'm not all right about this.
55
00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:53,487
I agree George.
It's detestable behaviour.
56
00:02:53,488 --> 00:02:55,568
Redeemed in this
case by your unthinking,
57
00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,288
across-the-board forgiveness,
on which I constantly depend.
58
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,528
Well, don't just assume that
I forgive you, Bert.
59
00:03:00,608 --> 00:03:02,107
I want you to leave.
60
00:03:02,108 --> 00:03:04,207
But George. It's me.
61
00:03:04,208 --> 00:03:05,607
It's Bert.
62
00:03:05,608 --> 00:03:08,208
I know it's you, Bert. I've had
enough of you. What?
63
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,068
I want you out. I want you to stop
lving here. I am enjoying this, George.
64
00:03:11,148 --> 00:03:15,387
Might have run its course unless you
actually want me outside the house. I do want you outside the house.
65
00:03:15,388 --> 00:03:18,128
Pushing the envelope, eh?
All right. Out I go.
66
00:03:21,608 --> 00:03:24,847
And curtain. Back in I come.
Go away.
67
00:03:24,848 --> 00:03:27,707
This isn't as good, George.
Don't like to have to ask,
68
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,847
but, can I come
back into my house now, please?
69
00:03:29,848 --> 00:03:31,348
This isn't your house,
it's my house.
70
00:03:31,388 --> 00:03:34,268
You were a guest,
and you've outstayed your welcome.
71
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,788
George? Come on. George?
72
00:03:39,688 --> 00:03:42,127
Is that you, Auntie?
Lovers' tiff, is it?
73
00:03:42,128 --> 00:03:45,148
Oh, evening all. George.
The noise rota's here!
74
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,888
Already? We thought we'd start
playing earlier tonight.
75
00:03:48,048 --> 00:03:50,288
Make sure there's constant
noise from dusk till dawn.
76
00:03:50,428 --> 00:03:52,508
How loud were we last night?
We keep you awake?
77
00:03:52,688 --> 00:03:54,929
Oh, yes. You're doing an excellent
job. Who's on trumpet?
78
00:03:55,088 --> 00:03:57,647
That was me. Oh, you're really
talking my language, honey.
79
00:03:57,648 --> 00:03:59,887
Best performance this week.
80
00:03:59,888 --> 00:04:02,287
And I don't believe I identified
an accordion in last night's
81
00:04:02,288 --> 00:04:03,808
melange,
which means you must be new.
82
00:04:03,888 --> 00:04:07,988
Yes, this is Sylvie. She's a complete
beginner, which, in this case, is an advantage.
83
00:04:08,004 --> 00:04:10,064
Take it away, Sylvie.
84
00:04:28,484 --> 00:04:30,704
Oh, my God!
85
00:04:30,724 --> 00:04:33,424
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
86
00:04:33,504 --> 00:04:35,904
Erm, are you all right?
87
00:04:36,311 --> 00:04:40,811
I'm fine. It's just suddenly seeing
you there. The reality of it.
88
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:42,571
I do still want to go
through with it.
89
00:04:42,591 --> 00:04:44,511
Um, good.
90
00:04:44,836 --> 00:04:46,736
I suppose you'd better come in,
then.
91
00:04:48,836 --> 00:04:49,956
This is surreal.
92
00:04:51,076 --> 00:04:52,495
I got you these.
93
00:04:52,496 --> 00:04:54,895
Put... the flowers... in...
the damn bin.
94
00:04:54,896 --> 00:04:55,856
Stand there.
95
00:04:57,316 --> 00:04:58,756
Glenda!
96
00:04:58,836 --> 00:05:00,096
Who's Glenda? My mummy.
97
00:05:00,156 --> 00:05:02,435
Oh, should I be meeting your mum
already?
98
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,816
Of course,
why do you think I invited you here?
99
00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:05,935
Put your arm around me!
100
00:05:05,936 --> 00:05:09,156
Really? I feel like we haven't quite
broken the ice yet, but...
101
00:05:09,296 --> 00:05:12,016
Hello, Glenda, this is my boyfriend.
Pleased to meet you.
102
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:15,075
What the bloody
hell are you playing at?! What do you mean, Glenda?
103
00:05:15,076 --> 00:05:19,236
He's my boyfriend, is there
a problem with that? This is the final straw.
104
00:05:19,336 --> 00:05:21,775
Oh, does he frighten you, Glenda?
Because he's a disgrace?
105
00:05:21,776 --> 00:05:23,556
Because he's a coward?
106
00:05:23,696 --> 00:05:25,696
Dismissed on medical grounds
but we'll let that go.
107
00:05:25,736 --> 00:05:27,876
I thought it was the end of it
with the arson.
108
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:30,915
That's a criminal offence
but this is worse.
109
00:05:30,916 --> 00:05:34,096
You're not even dressing properly.
You look like a common beggar-woman.
110
00:05:34,256 --> 00:05:37,155
Oh, sorry - now there's a problem
with the way that I dress??
111
00:05:37,156 --> 00:05:38,356
Oh, this is wonderful, Glenda.
112
00:05:38,396 --> 00:05:40,016
You're truly excelling yourself.
113
00:05:40,176 --> 00:05:43,555
Can I ask? What shade is that on the
skirting board? Is that terracotta...
114
00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:46,336
As far as I can see you're not doing
anything other than making
115
00:05:46,396 --> 00:05:47,816
yourself as disgusting as possible.
116
00:05:47,876 --> 00:05:52,355
Oh, don't worry, Glenda, I can be
far more disgusting. Far more.
117
00:05:52,356 --> 00:05:54,596
Come here, Cyril.
Cecil.
118
00:06:02,556 --> 00:06:03,715
Bert, I'm so sorry.
119
00:06:03,716 --> 00:06:05,556
I had no idea
I was capable of being so mean.
120
00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:07,236
I want to invite you to
move back in.
121
00:06:07,316 --> 00:06:10,916
Thank you. You've always been kind to
me. But I've managed to make other arrangements.
122
00:06:11,056 --> 00:06:14,896
You are looking well for someone who's been
out all night. What are your arrangements?
123
00:06:15,076 --> 00:06:17,455
I can't tell you that. I haven't gone
down the normal avenues.
124
00:06:17,456 --> 00:06:18,916
I really can't know...?
125
00:06:19,036 --> 00:06:21,295
Oh, dear George, I live
in the church organ,
126
00:06:21,296 --> 00:06:23,856
I live in a sherry glass,
I live under a very large leaf.
127
00:06:24,036 --> 00:06:27,716
I live everywhere and nowhere -
does that satisfy you, finally?
128
00:06:27,856 --> 00:06:30,915
Ah, George, Bert,
this is my girlfriend, Penny.
129
00:06:30,916 --> 00:06:35,376
What? Are you two still going out?
I think what Bert means to say is, "That's wonderful. Congratulations."
130
00:06:35,456 --> 00:06:39,136
We'll go out for as long as it
takes for my mother to break. My stomach's stronger than hers.
131
00:06:39,376 --> 00:06:40,996
That's the spirit.
What are you doing?!
132
00:06:41,156 --> 00:06:44,355
Oh, sorry. We have done that before.
Yes, in front of my mother.
133
00:06:44,356 --> 00:06:46,255
But I'm not doing it for my own
enjoyment, am I?
134
00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:48,156
No, of course not.
135
00:06:48,336 --> 00:06:50,416
Can you turn your face away from me,
please?
136
00:06:50,436 --> 00:06:51,536
I need a break from it.
137
00:06:55,356 --> 00:06:57,056
What's going on with this girl,
Cecil?
138
00:06:57,096 --> 00:06:58,855
We're in a relationship,
what can I say?
139
00:06:58,856 --> 00:07:00,455
She's not treating you
pleasantly.
140
00:07:00,456 --> 00:07:03,036
The only reason she's going out with
you is to upset her mother.
141
00:07:03,176 --> 00:07:05,275
Wait a minute. He's now
the bad-boy figure? What next?
142
00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:08,135
You're the fun one?
This is getting out of hand.
143
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,716
Excuse me, Bert Walpole.
Lowest of the low.
144
00:07:10,876 --> 00:07:13,915
Bert, what are you doing?
I've been banned from three separate cities.
145
00:07:13,916 --> 00:07:16,315
Not villages, not towns, cities.
146
00:07:16,316 --> 00:07:18,616
Really? That's interesting.
Stop it, Bert.
147
00:07:18,676 --> 00:07:21,896
Whatever reaction you're getting to
Cecil, you'll get double from me.
148
00:07:22,076 --> 00:07:23,676
That's bloody arrogant,
actually, Bert.
149
00:07:23,756 --> 00:07:27,676
There are at least a couple of
people who don't hate you that much. I'm loathed, Penny, loathed.
150
00:07:27,816 --> 00:07:30,876
What about the rest of Cecil's
family? Universally respected.
151
00:07:30,936 --> 00:07:33,575
Oh. That's a low blow. I can't help
the actions of my family.
152
00:07:33,576 --> 00:07:36,316
You've put serious effort into
destroying your reputation, Penny,
153
00:07:36,476 --> 00:07:38,375
and I'm the right man to take it to
the next level.
154
00:07:38,376 --> 00:07:40,755
All right, I'll stick with you.
Decision made.
155
00:07:40,756 --> 00:07:42,716
Let's go.
I want to be seen kissing you
156
00:07:42,876 --> 00:07:45,696
when Glenda comes out of choir
practice with her bitch friends.
157
00:07:45,916 --> 00:07:48,156
Can't believe I almost let you
talk me out of this, George.
158
00:07:48,236 --> 00:07:49,736
This is a great deal right here.
159
00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:52,795
Penny, I think your mum would be
furious if she found me
160
00:07:52,796 --> 00:07:53,876
with my hand up your bra.
161
00:07:54,076 --> 00:07:57,976
Oh, my God, she'd be apoplectic.
We're definitely doing that later.
162
00:07:58,036 --> 00:08:01,436
Oh, no, I can't believe
I have to fondle a girl's breast.
163
00:08:03,836 --> 00:08:06,695
That's more than you've done, George,
and you're engaged.
164
00:08:06,696 --> 00:08:07,836
Shut up, man.
165
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,041
George, can we have a talk?
166
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,241
With me? Yes. Thank you.
I've been praying for this.
167
00:08:18,381 --> 00:08:21,121
Not just this. Bunch of stuff.
Anyway, how are you?
168
00:08:21,261 --> 00:08:23,360
Oh, George, the girls and me
have had the best idea.
169
00:08:23,361 --> 00:08:24,301
Oh, really?
Yes.
170
00:08:24,381 --> 00:08:27,180
We're going to take a photograph
of a local pacifist dressed
171
00:08:27,181 --> 00:08:29,760
up as a pig and put
it in the paper above the caption,
172
00:08:29,761 --> 00:08:31,361
"This little piggy stayed at home."
173
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,501
It's a way of turning
people against the pacifists.
174
00:08:33,641 --> 00:08:35,180
Isn't that a good idea?!
175
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,061
It's a good way of turning
people against the pacifists.
176
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:41,261
The only thing is, we need a pacifist
to be in the photo and... All right.
177
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,501
We did all check to see
if we knew any pacifists.
178
00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:45,921
Hesta went first
and she didn't know any pacifists.
179
00:08:46,081 --> 00:08:48,300
OK. Gracie went next
and she didn't know any pacifists.
180
00:08:48,301 --> 00:08:50,521
Yeah,
if I could curtail this briefly.
181
00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:53,421
I get the feeling you might be
working up to asking me
182
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,181
to being the pig in the photograph.
183
00:08:55,361 --> 00:08:57,241
Got there ahead of me.
You're so clever, George.
184
00:08:57,281 --> 00:09:00,381
Now, Winky, is it you asking me
or them? Because if it's them...
185
00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:01,760
It's them.
186
00:09:01,761 --> 00:09:04,160
Well, if it's them,
I'd be less inclined to do it.
187
00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:06,560
It's me, I'm just so happy they're
finally involving me
188
00:09:06,561 --> 00:09:07,981
in something, George!
189
00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:12,141
All right, then, Winky.
I suppose it's just a photograph.
190
00:09:12,221 --> 00:09:13,600
Oh, thank you, George!
191
00:09:13,601 --> 00:09:16,940
You're the sweetest most helpful man
ever and I wish I could marry you.
192
00:09:16,941 --> 00:09:19,660
But you can. We're engaged.
Gotta go.
193
00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:21,421
We're happy, Winky!
194
00:09:28,161 --> 00:09:30,701
Aha! Those gloves only
ever mean one thing.
195
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:33,761
Cecil's off to do
the soldier's gardens
196
00:09:33,821 --> 00:09:36,640
And the purpose of the gloves is
to protect his hands.
197
00:09:36,641 --> 00:09:39,841
See you later, George. You'll have
to do our garden one of these...
198
00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:41,962
No. Knew it was coming,
soon as you said, "Gloves."
199
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:44,342
Not doing your garden.
Join the army, I'll do it.
200
00:09:44,422 --> 00:09:48,981
I'm not joining the army, I have
a moral opposition to the slaughter. Not doing your garden then.
201
00:09:48,982 --> 00:09:51,381
Absolutely fine. Maybe just give
the coral bells a splash.
202
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,342
Not doing it.
If I could, I'd make them drier.
203
00:10:23,562 --> 00:10:24,502
Bert!
204
00:10:27,142 --> 00:10:28,362
Bert!
205
00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:35,932
Thanks for all your work
around the garden, old gofer -
206
00:10:35,933 --> 00:10:37,733
must get you in for a plum port
one of these days.
207
00:10:37,749 --> 00:10:39,669
What are you doing
in Butterfly Bill's house?
208
00:10:39,829 --> 00:10:41,109
Who's that?
William Kershaw.
209
00:10:41,269 --> 00:10:43,509
Butterfly Bill
because he collects butterflies.
210
00:10:43,669 --> 00:10:46,849
Well, that does explain one or two
items I've noticed about the place.
211
00:10:46,989 --> 00:10:48,550
Many of 'em butterflies,
I'll be honest.
212
00:10:48,589 --> 00:10:51,509
Come in, I'll give you the tour.
Mi casa, su casa.
213
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:54,229
It's not su casa.
Not by a long shot.
214
00:10:56,309 --> 00:10:58,688
This is the wine cellar.
215
00:10:58,689 --> 00:11:02,069
Holy moly!
216
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,429
Inside toilet.
Inside? Inside the house?!
217
00:11:09,589 --> 00:11:11,649
He is so lucky.
218
00:11:11,809 --> 00:11:14,029
And this is where
I like to just lose myself in a book.
219
00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:16,769
I'm currently living
and breathing...
220
00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:20,148
um, Rochester's Almanac
of British Butterflies.
221
00:11:20,149 --> 00:11:21,749
Kind of a slow-burner, if I'm honest.
222
00:11:21,909 --> 00:11:24,628
Yes, obviously it's beautiful.
It's a beautiful house.
223
00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:27,649
It's home. But you can't just wander
into other people's houses
224
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:28,908
and start living there.
225
00:11:28,909 --> 00:11:31,169
Suit yourself, Cecil.
I'm overdue at the bar.
226
00:11:31,349 --> 00:11:33,109
So either join me
or take your leave.
227
00:11:33,269 --> 00:11:35,629
Apparently it's quite the night
outside. Not safe to travel.
228
00:11:35,669 --> 00:11:38,548
But no, go, go, fly!
229
00:11:38,549 --> 00:11:41,248
Back to the clamorous
thrum of George's cottage.
230
00:11:41,249 --> 00:11:44,609
Apparently the noise rota have a new
member whose job it is just
231
00:11:44,629 --> 00:11:46,069
to scream.
Is that true?
232
00:11:46,209 --> 00:11:49,408
Oh, God, I can't really start
squatting in a serving
233
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:50,689
soldier's house, can I?
234
00:11:50,769 --> 00:11:51,729
While the cat's away...
235
00:11:51,969 --> 00:11:54,709
Well, while the cat's bravely
facing down machine-gun fire to
236
00:11:54,789 --> 00:11:56,949
defend our way of life.
237
00:11:57,029 --> 00:11:58,209
The mice WILL play.
238
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,000
Seems a bit out of the blue, Cecil.
I thought you were very settled.
239
00:12:11,037 --> 00:12:12,317
Well, that's everything.
240
00:12:12,377 --> 00:12:13,696
What is it?
Breakfast not up to scratch?
241
00:12:13,697 --> 00:12:16,297
They've dipped, I know, but I can't
get kippers for love nor money
242
00:12:16,477 --> 00:12:18,716
and the eggs, my God,
well, that was just bad.
243
00:12:18,717 --> 00:12:21,897
That was plain bad and there are no
excuses from me. Water under the bridge.
244
00:12:22,057 --> 00:12:25,577
I feel terrible. I don't know what's
come over me in the last couple of days.
245
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:29,137
I've forced out both my housemates with
my own selfishness and small-mindedness.
246
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,659
Thanks for living here, Cecil.
247
00:12:30,819 --> 00:12:33,039
I know I have no right to,
but I hope to see you again one day.
248
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:36,460
I really should go. Of course. I've
taken up too much of your time with my whining.
249
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:40,399
No wonder you're moving out
when there's this constant torrent of drivel I keep farting out.
250
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:42,753
Bye, George!
251
00:12:42,754 --> 00:12:45,614
Should have offered him your room.
Idiot, George. Bloody idiot.
252
00:12:45,694 --> 00:12:47,374
No wonder they've all left.
253
00:12:48,354 --> 00:12:49,474
Don't look at me!
254
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,600
Pull your socks up!
You look like a bloody baby!
255
00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:02,113
Put your hand down.
256
00:13:31,213 --> 00:13:33,393
Cecil...?
257
00:13:49,425 --> 00:13:53,265
Good morning, chaps.
It's incredible how much sleep you can get without an orchestra
258
00:13:53,281 --> 00:13:56,801
playing outside your window.
What's the plan for today? I thought we could go for a walk -
259
00:13:56,859 --> 00:13:59,079
maybe the 25-mile route round
the four villages, and then I've
260
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,319
got a few ideas for a business
we can set up manufacturing
261
00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:03,544
waterproof wigs.
George, what's happened to you?
262
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,374
I don't know.
I've just got so much energy.
263
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:07,954
This is why I took the place on,
little boy. A getaway.
264
00:14:07,955 --> 00:14:09,714
A place of meditation.
265
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:11,794
A place where ideas can be
exchanged freely
266
00:14:11,795 --> 00:14:14,514
away from the suffocating
atmosphere of central Rittle.
267
00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:15,935
Um, I slept very well, too
268
00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:18,674
and can I say that I will be
recompensing Butterfly Bill
269
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:21,234
for every night I've spent here,
with extra gardening hours.
270
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,935
"Oh, must be noble,
mustn't go to hell."
271
00:14:24,115 --> 00:14:26,015
Can I force
a glass of wine on you, love?
272
00:14:26,095 --> 00:14:28,114
Bert, we can't have wine,
it's the morning.
273
00:14:28,115 --> 00:14:30,975
It's fine, George. You're chez Bert
now. Whoops-a-daisy.
274
00:14:31,155 --> 00:14:33,355
Oops. Where are your scrubbers?
Make short work of it.
275
00:14:33,535 --> 00:14:36,114
Leave it. No, Bert. I said,
"Leave it." Bert, please, I want to.
276
00:14:36,115 --> 00:14:38,015
I would be offended
if you tidied that up.
277
00:14:38,195 --> 00:14:40,895
Because it is an insult to me, as the
homeowner. Hmmm...
278
00:14:40,975 --> 00:14:43,795
This is your place to be at leisure,
George. Put your feet up.
279
00:14:43,955 --> 00:14:46,175
Hell, you can
even make a mess if you want.
280
00:14:46,255 --> 00:14:48,575
Go on, make a little mess.
281
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,774
No, I get the idea, Bert.
I don't need to make a mess.
282
00:14:51,775 --> 00:14:54,354
I'm serious, George.
I want you to make a little mess.
283
00:14:54,355 --> 00:14:56,895
I don't really need to.
George. Make a little mess.
284
00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:00,435
Make a little mess.
285
00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:08,434
Atta boy.
286
00:15:08,435 --> 00:15:11,635
See how that feels?
That's how I feel... all the time.
287
00:15:11,695 --> 00:15:15,114
Now, drink your wine.
Thanks. Oh, I wanted red.
288
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,055
Whatever you want. Discard that.
289
00:15:20,735 --> 00:15:22,835
Hmm. This isn't a very deep red.
290
00:15:22,975 --> 00:15:25,554
I wanted something
more like crushed forsythia petals.
291
00:15:25,555 --> 00:15:28,914
Then, what is it still doing in your
hand, mate?
292
00:15:28,915 --> 00:15:31,415
That's the way.
No harm in smashing this too.
293
00:15:32,755 --> 00:15:35,475
That's not really working there.
Didn't even think of that.
294
00:15:35,615 --> 00:15:37,554
What are you going to
do about all this mess?
295
00:15:37,555 --> 00:15:39,634
It's fine,
I'll just sweep it under the rug.
296
00:15:39,635 --> 00:15:41,236
I think that might just be
an expression.
297
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:44,255
Not if you've actually got a rug,
Cecil. Then, it's a triumphant reality.
298
00:15:44,435 --> 00:15:48,574
This is a fine house. It is a fine house.
We should have a housewarming party.
299
00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:51,455
You can't really do that, Bert. Why
not? Well.
300
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:54,515
We shouldn't advertise that we're
illegally occupying the house of a hero.
301
00:15:54,675 --> 00:15:57,234
Got it. Something small.
Just your high-end sorts.
302
00:15:57,235 --> 00:15:58,674
Your mayor, your police, et cetera.
303
00:15:58,675 --> 00:16:01,775
Maybe just nothing. Right, I'm off
to see my lady friend.
304
00:16:02,035 --> 00:16:04,754
Maybe I should acquaint that area
with the business end of a broom.
305
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:07,615
Do no such thing. That will
be gone in the morning. Believe me.
306
00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:10,735
Is that based on your experience of
living with me, during which
307
00:16:10,975 --> 00:16:13,515
I tidied up your messes, sometimes
in secret, during the night?
308
00:16:13,595 --> 00:16:17,694
That was you? Oh, that throws a whole theory
out of whack. So, enlighten me, George.
309
00:16:17,695 --> 00:16:20,435
Now we've both got our own places -
how long am
310
00:16:20,575 --> 00:16:23,154
I going to spend with a cleaning
brush or dirt-cloth in my hand?
311
00:16:23,155 --> 00:16:25,214
Well, on a typical day
there's general tidying,
312
00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:26,835
sweeping up the mud,
beating the carpets.
313
00:16:26,995 --> 00:16:29,235
Then I'm into the main
body of the laundry.
314
00:16:29,375 --> 00:16:31,794
Then to work, not forgetting to
leave the limerick of the day
315
00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:35,154
on the table ready for when you two
sleepy-heads emerge. Thanks. Pleasure.
316
00:16:35,155 --> 00:16:37,356
On the way home, I go to the shops
to pick up what we're
317
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:39,454
running short of, then
distribute the clean laundry.
318
00:16:39,455 --> 00:16:41,395
I make the beds.
Double turn-back for me.
319
00:16:41,555 --> 00:16:44,435
Absolutely. And fold up any clothes
left out. Most of em!
320
00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:47,775
Normally! Then it's just a case of
cooking dinner, washing the dishes,
321
00:16:47,955 --> 00:16:50,395
iron a choice of bow ties for Cecil
for the next day and track
322
00:16:50,495 --> 00:16:53,394
down some bergamot and magnolia
for your magic sleeping potion.
323
00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:55,795
And then,
well, it just starts all over again.
324
00:16:55,955 --> 00:16:59,635
Well, what can I say, George,
you're a grade-A mug.
325
00:16:59,795 --> 00:17:02,175
I'm afraid I won't be doing a thing.
326
00:17:14,195 --> 00:17:14,835
It's me.
327
00:17:19,435 --> 00:17:22,015
Argh!
Oh, yes, you were telling the truth.
328
00:17:23,155 --> 00:17:24,575
Cecil?
329
00:17:26,515 --> 00:17:28,894
Oh, you were right, ratty.
This is dreadful.
330
00:17:28,895 --> 00:17:31,294
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you,
little ratty.
331
00:17:31,295 --> 00:17:32,915
My dirty little ratty.
332
00:17:34,495 --> 00:17:36,595
What's she doing here, Cecil?
She'll tell on us.
333
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:39,474
I had no choice. She said I was getting
boring. I had to up the ante.
334
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:42,494
I can't believe you've blown our
cover for a girl who doesn't like you.
335
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:46,835
Well, guess what, George, that's the
game. That's the goddamn game, mate!
336
00:17:46,915 --> 00:17:48,594
Oh, God!
337
00:17:48,595 --> 00:17:50,015
Did you follow me?
338
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:52,435
Oh, my goodness, Glenda,
have you no common decency?
339
00:17:52,595 --> 00:17:55,795
Isn't this Butterfly Bill's house?
I'm moving in here, actually.
340
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:59,315
I'll see you in a lunatic asylum before
I see you living with that man.
341
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:01,054
I will, you daft old fuck.
342
00:18:01,055 --> 00:18:04,094
I'll move in here with Cecil
and we're going to have a baby.
343
00:18:04,095 --> 00:18:07,775
Half-rat. And we're going to call
it Tommy, after Daddy. Oh, sorry.
344
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,675
General Bigwig of the farty-army!
345
00:18:16,915 --> 00:18:18,335
Mum, what's wrong?
346
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:20,735
Don't cry.
347
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:25,055
It's just been really difficult
since Dad enlisted.
348
00:18:25,235 --> 00:18:27,315
It broke his heart to leave you,
349
00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:30,355
but not to fight would have been
wicked and unforgivable.
350
00:18:31,635 --> 00:18:32,895
What have I done?
351
00:18:34,175 --> 00:18:36,755
I'm sorry, Mum.
I'm sorry too.
352
00:18:38,495 --> 00:18:39,315
Get a room.
353
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:41,395
Come on, love.
354
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,754
Sorry, can I just enquire,
355
00:18:44,755 --> 00:18:47,614
are you going to tell
anyone about finding us here?
356
00:18:47,615 --> 00:18:50,034
My only concern is for my daughter.
357
00:18:50,035 --> 00:18:52,414
What you do is between you
and your conscience.
358
00:18:52,415 --> 00:18:53,375
Ideal. Ta!
359
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,555
Bye, Penny.
Piss off, Cyril.
360
00:18:57,635 --> 00:18:58,975
It is Cecil.
361
00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:00,855
So, we can stay.
362
00:19:06,515 --> 00:19:09,234
It's a husk, isn't it?
We've sucked it dry. Let's move on.
363
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,175
Come on, Auntie.
364
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,895
Well, I tasted
the life of an active heterosexual
365
00:19:15,035 --> 00:19:18,995
and, as was probably to be expected,
ended up with a bewildered woman weeping and shouting.
366
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:23,134
I know you're upset about Penny.
But the truth is, you shouldn't let anyone treat you like that.
367
00:19:23,135 --> 00:19:25,554
A mature relationship is built
upon mutual respect.
368
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:28,434
If respect goes, dignity goes,
and without dignity, well,
369
00:19:28,435 --> 00:19:30,675
what do we have?
370
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:33,714
So which paper is this for - the
Rittle Gazette? Oh, no.
371
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,255
It's a bit of a coup, actually.
372
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,894
I'm going to pass it onto my
sister,
373
00:19:36,895 --> 00:19:38,575
whose best friend works
at The Times.
374
00:19:38,835 --> 00:19:41,235
The Times?
What's your problem with The Times?
375
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:44,275
It's very prestigious -
the circulation's 1.4 million.
376
00:19:44,435 --> 00:19:46,654
I think you'll find pigs
walk on all fours, George.
377
00:19:46,655 --> 00:19:48,754
I'm not doing that.
George, I think,
378
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,635
the best you can salvage from this
is to at least be a good pig.
379
00:19:56,575 --> 00:19:58,795
Unbelievable.
380
00:19:58,975 --> 00:20:02,335
Now, hold that pose for ten minutes while
the photograph takes. Ten minutes?!
381
00:20:02,355 --> 00:20:04,755
I wasn't going to use this,
but for the sake of my sanity.
382
00:20:04,895 --> 00:20:06,834
Open up.
383
00:20:06,835 --> 00:20:09,075
Have you heard
about Butterfly Bill's house?
384
00:20:09,155 --> 00:20:10,354
No, what?
385
00:20:10,355 --> 00:20:13,815
Someone or something has been
living there.
386
00:20:13,835 --> 00:20:18,095
They've left it in a state that
would disgrace a tribe of baboons.
387
00:20:18,215 --> 00:20:19,155
It wasn't us.
388
00:20:19,315 --> 00:20:22,834
Nobody's saying it was you.
Whoever did this is properly evil.
389
00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:25,875
You lot are just small-time shits.
Exactly. I feel sick.
390
00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:28,735
Oh, come on, Gracie.
Look on the bright side.
391
00:20:28,915 --> 00:20:33,074
Maybe this lunatic will come back
one day and kill these three. Then we'll be thanking him.
392
00:20:33,075 --> 00:20:35,955
Ha-ha, I suppose that's right.
All a rich tapestry.
393
00:20:36,095 --> 00:20:37,875
Life, eh? I think
I'll have a cigarette.
394
00:20:38,035 --> 00:20:39,155
Allow me.
33936
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