Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,880
There's never been a better time
to be a single man in England.
2
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,459
You should be arrested for saying
that in a time of war.
3
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:54,080
What war? Oh, Bert, the war.
The World War.
4
00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:55,740
It's the First World War.
5
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:57,660
Got it. I hear that
mentioned a lot actually.
6
00:00:57,820 --> 00:00:59,200
It's very much news.
7
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,720
What goes somewhat unreported is
the very good female-to-male
8
00:01:01,738 --> 00:01:03,257
ratio in the country at the moment.
9
00:01:03,258 --> 00:01:05,497
Whoever this war turns out
to be against... Germany.
10
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,358
For example,
it gets the thumbs up from me.
11
00:01:12,998 --> 00:01:14,617
Hello, boys!
Oh, no.
12
00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:17,438
Here they are, looking nervous.
"Ooooh, pick me! Pick me!"
13
00:01:17,458 --> 00:01:19,258
Who will Bert choose in the end?
14
00:01:20,858 --> 00:01:22,138
Still here then?
15
00:01:22,218 --> 00:01:25,338
Rather than participating in the murder
of our fellow human beings, you mean?
16
00:01:25,478 --> 00:01:28,378
Good idea, George, kick the hornet's
nest! What's going on here then?
17
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:31,897
We're voting to decide who should
be the Guy we burn on Bonfire Night.
18
00:01:31,898 --> 00:01:33,498
Oh, look how well I'm doing.
19
00:01:33,638 --> 00:01:34,917
Don't get too excited, Bert.
20
00:01:34,918 --> 00:01:37,637
They're essentially voting for the
most hated man in the village.
21
00:01:37,638 --> 00:01:40,197
Right. Why am I on the same number
of votes as these two?
22
00:01:40,198 --> 00:01:41,618
I went to sign up.
23
00:01:41,818 --> 00:01:46,117
Oh, so you're in the army then?
Sorry, how's the battle going?
24
00:01:46,118 --> 00:01:47,338
What's the grub like in mess?
25
00:01:47,418 --> 00:01:50,597
Yes, Nellie, as we've discussed
perhaps 15-to-25 times,
26
00:01:50,598 --> 00:01:52,518
I was turned down
because of my flat feet.
27
00:01:52,698 --> 00:01:55,058
Bollocks. Twat feet more like.
Feet are flat. Paddle feet.
28
00:01:55,238 --> 00:01:56,518
Mature response as ever.
29
00:01:56,578 --> 00:01:58,538
You were pretty quick to
move in with your two lover boys.
30
00:01:58,598 --> 00:02:01,258
Because my so-called sister here got
me kicked out of the family house.
31
00:02:01,318 --> 00:02:03,077
Nobody got you kicked out, Cecil.
32
00:02:03,078 --> 00:02:06,297
Mum and I just assumed that since you'd be
going to war, we could clear your room.
33
00:02:06,298 --> 00:02:08,618
And move all your stuff out of it
and put it in the street,
34
00:02:08,678 --> 00:02:11,178
and get rid of your bed and hold
a cleansing ceremony in which
35
00:02:11,238 --> 00:02:13,758
all of your personal effects were
thrown into the sea. That's all.
36
00:02:13,798 --> 00:02:15,097
Well, it's persecution.
37
00:02:15,098 --> 00:02:16,997
I believe in this war
and I want to help.
38
00:02:16,998 --> 00:02:17,977
Rubbish.
39
00:02:17,978 --> 00:02:19,398
If you were really keen to help,
40
00:02:19,578 --> 00:02:21,657
you'd have killed yourself
to raise morale.
41
00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:25,637
Or you could join that... and darn
socks. We'd respect you then.
42
00:02:25,638 --> 00:02:27,098
Don't go overboard, Nellie.
43
00:02:27,258 --> 00:02:31,398
Sorry, not respect.
Less enthusiastically despise.
44
00:02:37,798 --> 00:02:38,758
Whoops.
45
00:02:41,338 --> 00:02:44,377
Dear God, a knitting club?
46
00:02:44,378 --> 00:02:47,237
Why don't I shave my legs
and do the laundry while I'm at it?
47
00:02:47,238 --> 00:02:48,618
Feel free to do some of the laundry.
48
00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:50,437
I just wish Rittle
had a bomb factory.
49
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,538
But no, the bomb factory
goes to the village of Frew,
50
00:02:52,678 --> 00:02:54,458
because they've done
so much to deserve it!
51
00:02:54,538 --> 00:02:55,717
Ooooh, love Frew.
52
00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,018
What do you mean, you love Frew?
53
00:02:57,158 --> 00:02:59,238
Lovely pub.
That's a myth, by the way.
54
00:02:59,358 --> 00:03:00,697
It's a poor man's Frog and Pea.
55
00:03:00,698 --> 00:03:02,458
Very peaceful. Exactly.
56
00:03:02,618 --> 00:03:04,377
Pensioners... go there to die.
57
00:03:04,378 --> 00:03:05,638
Wouldn't mind dying there.
58
00:03:05,798 --> 00:03:07,258
Wouldn't be protesting too loudly
59
00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:09,498
if I expired suddenly
in the Frew Tea Rooms.
60
00:03:09,638 --> 00:03:13,157
Overlooking Parson's Hill?
Oh, yes, it's a terrible demise.
61
00:03:13,158 --> 00:03:15,577
You wouldn't really want to
produce bombs, would you, Cecil?
62
00:03:15,578 --> 00:03:16,997
Oh, come on.
63
00:03:16,998 --> 00:03:18,858
Even as a pacifist,
I think you have to admit these
64
00:03:18,918 --> 00:03:21,177
bombs are pretty amazing.
They showed in tests,
65
00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:23,738
one bomb can tear
through about seven cows.
66
00:03:23,878 --> 00:03:25,758
That's not amazing, and they sound
like a terrible sort of test.
67
00:03:25,818 --> 00:03:27,557
Can you watch the tests? No, Bert.
68
00:03:27,558 --> 00:03:28,858
OK, better idea then.
69
00:03:28,898 --> 00:03:30,617
The three of us
go on a bike ride to Frew.
70
00:03:30,618 --> 00:03:33,298
I feel like Frew is getting more
of a mention now than it should.
71
00:03:33,478 --> 00:03:35,097
I mean, it is honestly fairly shit.
72
00:03:35,098 --> 00:03:37,978
Ahh, I can't do this.
73
00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:39,258
Will you help me, George?
74
00:03:39,338 --> 00:03:40,838
Go on, run to your master.
75
00:03:41,978 --> 00:03:43,897
Was that a distress signal
from the HMS Fiancee?
76
00:03:43,898 --> 00:03:45,658
Is a rescue dinghy required?
77
00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:57,157
I'm doing this scheme where
single women... Hm.
78
00:03:57,158 --> 00:03:58,959
Write romantic letters
to men at the front.
79
00:03:59,098 --> 00:04:01,958
It keeps their morale up, hearing
from a young lady wishing them well.
80
00:04:02,138 --> 00:04:03,257
Errr, interesting.
81
00:04:03,258 --> 00:04:06,778
Umm, the thing is,
I don't want to be Barnaby Boring,
82
00:04:06,938 --> 00:04:09,317
but should you be involved in a
scheme like that,
83
00:04:09,318 --> 00:04:11,418
given that we're...?
84
00:04:12,998 --> 00:04:14,438
You know...
85
00:04:14,518 --> 00:04:16,037
Not married yet.
86
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,958
Yeah, engaged to be married.
87
00:04:18,018 --> 00:04:20,197
Weird way of putting it.
Well, I did wonder about that,
88
00:04:20,198 --> 00:04:22,758
but Agnes said that it's our duty,
as single women...
89
00:04:22,838 --> 00:04:23,718
There it is again.
90
00:04:23,878 --> 00:04:26,458
To motivate the men at the front
by arousing them sexually.
91
00:04:27,878 --> 00:04:29,778
Now are you going to help me
do that or not?
92
00:04:29,938 --> 00:04:32,758
Um, the thing is, Winky,
I just sort of feel like this is
93
00:04:32,818 --> 00:04:35,098
the kind of thing that
other men wouldn't do.
94
00:04:35,158 --> 00:04:37,158
Well, George, you shouldn't be
led by other people.
95
00:04:37,238 --> 00:04:40,378
You should follow your own heart.
96
00:04:40,458 --> 00:04:42,758
I also don't want to do it.
97
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:55,137
What's happened here? Is it under
new management or something?
98
00:04:55,138 --> 00:04:57,337
Barney's daughter's taken it over
while he's in France.
99
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,218
Oh, is he on holiday?
No, Bert, the war...
100
00:04:59,418 --> 00:05:01,818
The war, the war, I know.
101
00:05:01,978 --> 00:05:03,738
I think that's probably
enough now, darling.
102
00:05:03,798 --> 00:05:06,078
George, have you talked about
Winky's bottom because it will be
103
00:05:06,118 --> 00:05:08,357
a glaring omission if you fail
to bring that up? Bert!
104
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:09,798
I'm paying her a compliment, George.
105
00:05:09,878 --> 00:05:11,557
If I had a girlfriend with
an arse like that,
106
00:05:11,558 --> 00:05:13,498
I'd be preaching about it
in the town square.
107
00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:15,018
You're not offended, are you, Winky?
108
00:05:15,098 --> 00:05:17,978
No. I think
it's kind of you to notice.
109
00:05:18,758 --> 00:05:21,017
Besides which, I am trying to keep
this letter on track.
110
00:05:21,018 --> 00:05:23,257
I mean this man
is in a war remember.
111
00:05:23,258 --> 00:05:26,058
Nothing but the most gruesome sexual
imagery is gonna make an impact.
112
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:28,057
Yeah, alright, Bert. And I tell you
something else,
113
00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:29,658
this new dress is electrifying.
114
00:05:29,798 --> 00:05:31,798
What do you find attractive
about my body, Winky?
115
00:05:31,858 --> 00:05:34,758
How is that to do with the letter?
That is literally just flirting.
116
00:05:34,938 --> 00:05:36,678
It's not a bloody
free-for-all, Bert.
117
00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:40,218
Bless you, Cecil!
118
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:44,198
Cecil!
119
00:05:45,798 --> 00:05:47,078
Cecilia!
120
00:05:52,838 --> 00:05:55,417
What is it? What do you want?
121
00:05:55,418 --> 00:05:56,698
Nice sash.
122
00:05:56,778 --> 00:05:58,457
Is that it? Can I go now?
123
00:05:58,458 --> 00:05:59,738
I can't be seen talking to you.
124
00:06:00,038 --> 00:06:01,658
Why?
Why do you think?
125
00:06:02,618 --> 00:06:05,938
Bert, people are sacrificing their
lives and you've chosen not to.
126
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:09,337
Right. God. Cryptic.
Oh, is it because...?
127
00:06:09,338 --> 00:06:11,717
No, Bert, that is the reason,
what I've just said.
128
00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:14,058
I get it. Your new friends don't
like the cut of our jib.
129
00:06:14,098 --> 00:06:16,837
Well, I know I can count on you
to stand by us, Cecil.
130
00:06:16,838 --> 00:06:18,399
Of course I'm not
standing by you, Bert.
131
00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:20,278
Not while I'm trying to establish
myself in the needlework guild.
132
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:23,078
Oh, suddenly it's the
"needlework guild."
133
00:06:23,238 --> 00:06:25,497
That's its name, Bert,
I didn't make up the name.
134
00:06:25,498 --> 00:06:27,737
What happened to calling it
Freak Corner?
135
00:06:27,738 --> 00:06:30,298
I'm assuming that's your name
for it, invented just now.
136
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:31,877
Cecil!
137
00:06:31,878 --> 00:06:32,798
Oh, God, I need to go.
138
00:06:33,338 --> 00:06:35,237
Back to facilitating slaughter.
139
00:06:35,238 --> 00:06:39,097
Just... Yes, I am facilitating it
and I bloody love it.
140
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,357
Well, I don't.
141
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:41,918
At least I'm following through
on my beliefs, George.
142
00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:44,837
You're not doing anything. I'm not
being violent, that's the point.
143
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,137
It's about what I'm not doing.
144
00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:47,358
I wish you were not talking.
145
00:06:47,398 --> 00:06:48,958
Can that be brought into the mix?
I'd get behind that.
146
00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:52,037
Or not sleeping. Why would I do
that? Don't know, really.
147
00:06:52,038 --> 00:06:55,078
Just be interesting to see how long
you could go without sleeping, I suppose.
148
00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:56,858
My record's five and a half hours.
149
00:07:16,358 --> 00:07:18,138
Enjoying the music, Cecil?
150
00:07:18,218 --> 00:07:19,877
It's alright. Is it?
151
00:07:19,878 --> 00:07:22,438
Nice to have some music
while I work, I suppose.
152
00:07:22,618 --> 00:07:25,498
Is it?! So the music is
helping your war work.
153
00:07:25,638 --> 00:07:28,857
And how would you react if I told
to you that this music currently
154
00:07:28,858 --> 00:07:30,758
playing is in fact Beethoven?
155
00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:34,118
Who is German, Bert.
156
00:07:34,158 --> 00:07:36,037
Sorry, George.
What's the significance of the...?
157
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:38,078
The war is against Germany, Bert.
There's a war on, Bert.
158
00:07:38,138 --> 00:07:40,658
Course it is, yes.
Good old Beethoven.
159
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:45,317
No shortage of opinions about
Beethoven. What a bloody good...
160
00:07:45,318 --> 00:07:48,537
Man.
Man he... is?
161
00:07:48,538 --> 00:07:49,977
Was. Is.
162
00:07:49,978 --> 00:07:51,878
But, yes, the war is awful,
isn't it, Cecil,
163
00:07:52,058 --> 00:07:53,637
but I can see the point in it,
George.
164
00:07:53,638 --> 00:07:55,978
Yes, you've got our opinions
the wrong way round but thank
165
00:07:56,038 --> 00:07:59,418
you for being, as ever, totally
open-minded on all possible issues.
166
00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:02,138
The point is, Cecil, I have
challenged your perverse hatred
167
00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:03,577
of all things German,
168
00:08:03,578 --> 00:08:06,917
and that is why the music is staying
on and playing right to the end.
169
00:08:06,918 --> 00:08:08,958
Can you turn it down a bit?
I'll turn it down a bit.
170
00:08:09,018 --> 00:08:10,238
It's still on,
is the important thing.
171
00:08:10,298 --> 00:08:13,177
Turn it off, actually. I'll pop
it off, but you take my point.
172
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,578
The second movement's considerably
worse actually.
173
00:08:15,658 --> 00:08:16,858
It's a real damp squib.
174
00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:20,217
Shut up, George. Shut up, mate.
I want total silence for this.
175
00:08:20,218 --> 00:08:22,137
Cecil, stand up.
What?
176
00:08:22,138 --> 00:08:23,718
Stand there.
What's happening?
177
00:08:23,798 --> 00:08:25,658
I wasn't quite sure how to put this.
178
00:08:25,818 --> 00:08:28,858
I know you've been rolling with
the gals from Freak Corner recently
179
00:08:28,998 --> 00:08:32,057
but I wanted to remind you what you
have waiting for you here at home.
180
00:08:32,058 --> 00:08:33,458
A coward and a moron.
181
00:08:33,658 --> 00:08:35,097
Here we go.
182
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,299
You should come with a warning,
mate, you're that sharp.
183
00:08:37,338 --> 00:08:39,558
Nah, give an old man a break.
184
00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:42,138
You two are the first
real friends I've had.
185
00:08:42,198 --> 00:08:45,337
Mmm. Well, yes,
I suppose George is your friend.
186
00:08:45,338 --> 00:08:47,358
Ooh, no, no, you're both my
very close friends. Well...
187
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:50,098
I was surprised by the feeling
I have towards you
188
00:08:50,178 --> 00:08:51,858
and I didn't know what to
call it at first.
189
00:08:51,878 --> 00:08:54,118
It's probably nothing.
I'd actually ignore that feeling.
190
00:08:54,178 --> 00:08:57,338
In fact, the only way to explain it is
by recourse to that beautiful word.
191
00:08:57,418 --> 00:08:59,717
Oh, no. Love. Oh, Jesus.
192
00:08:59,718 --> 00:09:01,817
I'm in powerful,
constant love with both of you.
193
00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:03,558
Bert, just 100% shut up.
194
00:09:03,738 --> 00:09:05,178
It is love, I can tell no lie.
195
00:09:05,318 --> 00:09:08,057
No, it's not quite the same love
I feel for a woman.
196
00:09:08,058 --> 00:09:08,858
George, help.
197
00:09:08,918 --> 00:09:11,257
Actually, Cecil, there is nothing
new about this sort of thing.
198
00:09:11,258 --> 00:09:13,637
The Ancient Greeks referred
to six different sorts of love.
199
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,698
Sure, there's erotic love.
Aaaah.
200
00:09:15,878 --> 00:09:17,498
But there's also enduring affection
201
00:09:17,638 --> 00:09:19,417
and I think it's that which
Bert is feeling.
202
00:09:19,418 --> 00:09:20,377
It's a mixture.
203
00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:23,718
Anyway you're a great pal, and it'd
be a pretty poor show from me if
204
00:09:23,738 --> 00:09:26,758
I didn't stump up for a well-timed
gift for my bunged-up buddy.
205
00:09:28,858 --> 00:09:31,257
I don't want a gift from you.
It's a handkerchief!
206
00:09:31,258 --> 00:09:34,277
Hmmm, that's annoying.
I do need a handkerchief.
207
00:09:34,278 --> 00:09:36,678
If it was anything else,
I'd definitely reject it.
208
00:09:36,758 --> 00:09:38,518
Check out the lettering.
209
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,477
Specially made.
Thought it could be the group motto.
210
00:09:41,478 --> 00:09:43,058
"Taking it easy, 1914"?
211
00:09:43,218 --> 00:09:46,398
Yeah. "Takin' it easy...1914."
212
00:09:46,598 --> 00:09:48,677
Have you lost your mind?
213
00:09:48,678 --> 00:09:51,897
It's a poorly-chosen motto,
Bert, quite frankly.
214
00:09:51,898 --> 00:09:53,818
Think of it as a reminder
of our time together.
215
00:09:53,878 --> 00:09:55,897
I don't want a reminder
of our time together!
216
00:09:55,898 --> 00:09:59,257
What I'd really like is to perform
some process on my own brain whereby
217
00:09:59,258 --> 00:10:02,598
any record of your existence is
permanently wrenched from my memory.
218
00:10:02,658 --> 00:10:04,037
Well, maybe that's something
we can do together.
219
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:06,598
No, Bert, tell me
something that doesn't involve you,
220
00:10:06,778 --> 00:10:08,218
that's what I want to do.
221
00:10:08,298 --> 00:10:09,477
I could watch you read.
222
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:10,938
Bert!
Explain the idea again.
223
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,658
Just go somewhere else for a bit.
OK.
224
00:10:15,738 --> 00:10:17,618
You coming, or...?
No!
225
00:10:17,798 --> 00:10:19,258
Have a pleasant evening.
226
00:10:26,698 --> 00:10:28,218
I come bearing gifts.
227
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,298
I've been doing some
sewing of my own,
228
00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,198
independent of the Needlework Guild.
229
00:10:32,378 --> 00:10:34,938
Sorry, Freak Corner.
Sorry, Needlework Guild.
230
00:10:34,998 --> 00:10:38,597
Is that the sort of thing you're
looking for as regards a sock?
231
00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:40,357
I've gone for a very classic design.
232
00:10:40,358 --> 00:10:42,757
There's a space inside for the foot
and a hole at one end
233
00:10:42,758 --> 00:10:44,377
so the leg can get out.
234
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:47,078
Bert, if you want to have sex
with me, just ask.
235
00:10:50,698 --> 00:10:52,698
Fine. If you won't ask me,
I'll ask you.
236
00:10:52,778 --> 00:10:53,998
Will you have sex with me?
237
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,518
Ow!
What are you doing?
238
00:10:58,578 --> 00:11:00,538
Sorry,
just checking I'm still conscious.
239
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,138
It's not a big deal, Bert.
240
00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:04,857
It just hadn't occurred to me the
soldiers would be away for so long.
241
00:11:04,858 --> 00:11:06,457
I hope to have children one day,
and since,
242
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,318
if I don't have regular coitus
I will become infertile...
243
00:11:08,378 --> 00:11:09,958
Is that true?
I'm not sure whether...
244
00:11:10,018 --> 00:11:11,097
But then why take the chance?
245
00:11:11,098 --> 00:11:12,358
And since you're the only man
in the village
246
00:11:12,518 --> 00:11:13,978
who isn't either engaged
or my brother...
247
00:11:14,118 --> 00:11:16,517
Thank you... it's unfortunately
the obvious solution.
248
00:11:16,518 --> 00:11:18,457
My proposition is that we have
regular intercourse,
249
00:11:18,458 --> 00:11:21,658
with no obligation to cultivate a
relationship or even talk to each other.
250
00:11:23,318 --> 00:11:26,678
You're definitely conscious, Bert.
We're both conscious, regrettably.
251
00:11:26,718 --> 00:11:28,538
And it's definitely
the deal that we have sex
252
00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:30,597
and don't have conversations,
rather than the other way round,
253
00:11:30,598 --> 00:11:33,158
because I have made that mistake
before. No, that's it.
254
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,378
Right. Well, I'm just going to say
yes at this stage, then possibly
255
00:11:36,518 --> 00:11:39,078
once more in the fire, just to
check, and then home to celebrate.
256
00:11:39,258 --> 00:11:41,818
I will need something on the table
straight away.
257
00:11:41,938 --> 00:11:42,938
What now?
258
00:11:44,038 --> 00:11:45,318
Crikey.
259
00:11:45,478 --> 00:11:48,058
Right. Well, shall we... get set up?
260
00:11:48,198 --> 00:11:50,298
Don't take your clothes
off in front of me.
261
00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:51,877
Right.
262
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,318
I will need to remove a couple
of items just to clear a path.
263
00:11:55,378 --> 00:11:57,178
Go in the other room
and close the curtains.
264
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,578
Right-o! And will I light a candle?
265
00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:03,218
No, Bert, the aim is to make the
room as dark as is humanly possible.
266
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:06,578
Who needs eyes
when you've got hands?
267
00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:07,558
Oh, God.
268
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,200
Winky, my tie, is it too much?
269
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,139
What? The knot.
270
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:25,780
God, it's too much,
isn't it, too obvious?
271
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,639
Um, George, have you seen my...?
272
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,559
I can wear it like this
if I want to.
273
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:30,999
What are you talking about?
274
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,099
I'm talking about my tie.
How can you not notice?
275
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,300
I've tied it in a German knot.
Der Flomsgemeinre.
276
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:38,519
Yep, I can't tell the difference.
277
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,980
Are you bloody joking?
278
00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:41,719
It's completely different.
279
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,239
Look at it - two interlocking
strands, fastened at the neck,
280
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,819
and then extending
down the body to the belly button.
281
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:49,259
That's what a tie is, mate.
282
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:50,800
Stick your head in the sand
if you like, Cecil.
283
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,700
I'm sending a message to the
people of Rittle.
284
00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:55,501
No, you're sending a dirty letter,
from your fiancee, to another man.
285
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:56,900
In fact, allow me.
286
00:12:58,060 --> 00:13:00,920
I'm shaking things up, Cecil.
Getting under people's skin.
287
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,800
And let me tell you,
there's plenty more to come.
288
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:07,159
Oh, no. What will he do next?
Catch German measles?
289
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:11,180
Attend a beer festival?
Eat some fondue?
290
00:13:11,260 --> 00:13:12,460
Well, that's Swiss.
291
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,139
Yeah, I'm sure you can get
fondue in Germany, George.
292
00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:19,020
You made a mistake about the fondue,
Cecil, deal with it.
293
00:13:22,060 --> 00:13:24,460
That's your pen.
Don't care.
294
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,199
He's got a bloody nerve.
295
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,140
To stand there and insult
a man in front of his wife.
296
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,900
Fiancee, I'm not your wife.
297
00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:32,780
Yet.
298
00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:34,220
Mm.
299
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:36,840
Winky, I said "yet."
300
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,520
I heard you, George.
301
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,739
Looking good.
302
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:52,119
That should keep us all warm.
303
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,000
Yeah, because we're all so cold.
304
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:56,759
Might be a bit cold later.
305
00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:00,599
Oh, what,
you're in charge of "later"?
306
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,179
Heard you joined the
Needlework Guild.
307
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:05,080
Yeah, yeah, I did.
308
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,340
You're still a piece of shit.
309
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:09,260
Well done, though, for doing that.
310
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,700
Ah, thanks.
311
00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:12,780
You are still a piece of shit though.
312
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:34,379
Who was that addressed to?
313
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,340
What?
314
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,560
That letter you just sneezed into
and then posted.
315
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,299
Who was it addressed to?
Oh, um... some soldier.
316
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,559
A soldier?
317
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,480
Why didn't you
use your handkerchief?
318
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:45,420
You're deliberately
infecting our army.
319
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:47,180
Well, that's insane.
320
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:48,300
What's going on?
321
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:52,840
Cecil Mowbray sneezed into an
envelope then sent it to the front.
322
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,840
Why didn't you
use your handkerchief?
323
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,760
There's a problem with
the handkerchief.
324
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:57,880
What problem?
325
00:14:58,060 --> 00:14:59,980
I can't really say.
326
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,500
You're making it sound like it's
my fault you didn't use your handkerchief.
327
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:18,059
It was your fault. You're just...
328
00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:19,660
You're like gas, Bert,
329
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:22,380
you sneak under every crevice,
and you poison everything.
330
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,040
What are you doing in there, George?
Just making room for something.
331
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,180
What have you done now?
Bought a German Shepherd?
332
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,579
Ha! Bravo, Cecil! That's priceless.
333
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,820
Shut up, Bert.
I've stolen a bomb.
334
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:33,580
Son of a bitch.
Holy crap.
335
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:38,040
Skipped work. Walked to Frew.
Stole a bomb.
336
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,499
Don't say I don't do stuff.
337
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:40,619
We're going to die!
338
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:43,080
Now, I'd be happy to answer any
remaining questions
339
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:45,080
you have about how seriously
I take my beliefs.
340
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,460
I haven't finished my novel yet,
341
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,279
or seriously considered
even writing one!
342
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,020
Gentle George ain't exactly the
posing posy you thought he was, huh?
343
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:52,939
Furball's grown a pair of horns
all of a sudden.
344
00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:54,600
How do you like it when I do this?
345
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,760
No, George.
346
00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:57,900
Please, George.
347
00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:01,580
Put your nappies back on, boys.
Turns out I'm a little more on top of this stuff, than...
348
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,780
That's alright. Didn't blow. Don't
worry, it's perfectly safe.
349
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,059
Oh, God!
Blasphemy, Bert, come on.
350
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:07,660
Murderous, traitorous God!
Curse you!
351
00:16:07,820 --> 00:16:09,879
Alright, Bert, rein it in.
I'll kill you God!
352
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,439
I'll rip your smug head off your
horrid body! Bert, get a grip!
353
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,699
If it bothers you that much, I can
get rid of it tomorrow morning.
354
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,440
I'm not sleeping in the
same house as that.
355
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,300
Cecil, I walked with this baby for
two miles through Frew woods and it didn't explode once.
356
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,899
You could take it to bed with you
if you wanted.
357
00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:23,979
Oh, what, how come he gets to?
358
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,399
You've changed your tune, Bert!
359
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,120
Yeah, George has convinced me,
to be honest.
360
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:29,400
If it was gonna explode,
it would have done it already.
361
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:30,580
It probably won't go off now.
362
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,360
Yep. It would be nice to live
in a house where there was
363
00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:34,840
a 100% chance of not getting blown
up by a bomb, rather than,
364
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:37,420
say, a 96% chance, but...
Bert!
365
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,140
Hello, Mr Bomb, anyone in there?
366
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:48,860
Deary me, not a great bomb,
all told. It's a dud.
367
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,619
Well, that's a disgrace.
368
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,019
Are these the sort of bombs we're
supplying to our soldiers?
369
00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:58,380
That's exactly the sort of shoddy
workmanship I've come to expect from the village of Frew.
370
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,680
I do not understand your
issue with Frew, Cecil.
371
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,539
It's the worst place on the
face of the earth.
372
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:05,540
You watch the sun set over Frew chapel
and get back to me on that one, mate.
373
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,480
Chaps, where do you think this
bomb would work best?
374
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,099
Definitely keeping it then.
375
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,019
I just think if it was well-placed,
it might freshen up the lounge.
376
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,259
I mean, if we thought of this
room more as a...
377
00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:14,860
More as a bomb room.
Well...
378
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,700
It actually really matches
those drapes, Cecil. Just saying.
379
00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:22,540
I finally get those drapes now.
380
00:17:28,620 --> 00:17:32,120
Cecil Mowbray, prepare to burn!
381
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,780
Here we go. Show-time.
382
00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:41,079
Devour him in flames!
383
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,000
Bit of a weird atmosphere,
if I'm honest.
384
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,220
You're evil!
385
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,319
Can you believe Hesta had
the nerve to ask me
386
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,200
to give her some of your clothes
to use on the Guy?
387
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,999
Thanks for not giving her any.
388
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,280
You're welcome.
389
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,760
Did you actually give her some?
390
00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:07,019
Yeah, but only the bare minimum.
Shirt, pair of trousers, underpants.
391
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,140
Underpants?
And a vest.
392
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,419
Not all of that visible, obviously.
393
00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:12,620
Oh, well, maybe my wardrobe
needed an overhaul anyway.
394
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,600
Is that my watch?
395
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,899
You're lucky you're not
up there yourself, mate.
396
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,340
That's your honest opinion, is it?
397
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,220
You honestly think I should be
burning to death on top of a fire?
398
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:24,299
I won't speak ill of our
present government
399
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,320
but there was a time
when it was done -
400
00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:27,800
a golden time -
401
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,380
and there's not a moment that
goes by I don't
402
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:35,020
yearn for a return of those days
with every fibre of my being.
403
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,559
Bloody hell.
404
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,160
I used to play badminton with her.
405
00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:40,920
Yeah, you were shit.
406
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,279
And we all sing -
407
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,820
? Remember! Remember!
Bon Fawkes night! ?
408
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:53,559
Agnes, my lily-flower.
409
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,119
Don't call me that.
While you're here though, listen.
410
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,380
I've decided that for me -
for any woman -
411
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,620
to indulge herself
while the men are away, is wrong.
412
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,320
We've all committed to not having
sex until the war is over.
413
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,480
Sorry, I had a flash of excruciating
pain and everything went dark.
414
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,060
I've lost where we were slightly.
415
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,160
The women are abstaining from
sex to show solidarity
416
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,299
with our fighting men.
417
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:15,000
Rittle will be chaste and pure
until the soldiers return.
418
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,240
So I've got to wait till the soldiers
get back to have sex with you?
419
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,480
No, I've got to the wait till
the soldiers get back to have sex
420
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,620
with one of the soldiers.
421
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:24,600
For you, sex is off the cards
for the foreseeable future.
422
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,860
Gracie around or...?
Can't see that happening, Bert.
423
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,459
All my friends all feel
the same way as me.
424
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,699
You're friends with everyone
and control what they think, do you?
425
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:32,300
Last time I checked.
426
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,960
Water, water everywhere
and no sex for Bert.
427
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,700
Was it really necessary to
make a spare?
428
00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:53,080
One for burning, one for beating.
429
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,279
Oh, second Guy, eh? Very profesh.
430
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,820
Something for the latecomers.
Join in, boys.
431
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,459
Oh, Cecil, can I?
432
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,560
If you must.
433
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,140
I'm staying out of this.
434
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,260
I'm not beating myself up,
not literally anyway.
435
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,040
I am looking forward to this
war being over.
35333
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.