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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,800 Just gonna be a second. 2 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,300 Come on. Sharon's gonna be back in half an hour and I need a piss. 3 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,900 Shit... I can't get up. 4 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,000 Have you wiped your arse? 5 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,900 My... 6 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:47,600 My... 7 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:49,900 Agh! 8 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,399 Why are you doing that noise? 9 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,900 Thank Jesus Christ! 10 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:03,800 I dreamt I was drunk and I couldn't get off the toilet. 11 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:06,500 Are you sure it was a dream? 12 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,400 Sounds more like a memory. 13 00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,400 What time is it? 14 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,499 It's 3:15. You should go back to sleep. 15 00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:20,000 Fergal gets in at some stupid hour. 16 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,800 Jesus. 17 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,700 What? 18 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,700 I just don't know if I can deal with him right now. 19 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,500 And why are you having to plan his birthday party? 20 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:32,500 Plus, adults shouldn't have birthday parties. 21 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,700 You sound like a supervillain. 22 00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:38,100 Good night. 23 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,900 Can I play with your tits a little bit? 24 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,000 Do you mind if I go back to sleep? 25 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,300 - No. - Then go nuts. 26 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,799 What do you think? 27 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,899 Well, my concern with Maroon Thrive 28 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:02,399 is that their set list includes both Shaggy and Enya, 29 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,699 which is impressive, but it's, like, "Where's your passion?" 30 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:07,800 It's grand for a bar mitzvah, but for a milestone birthday... 31 00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:09,300 I say we keep looking. 32 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,799 I'm not asking what you think of them, Fergal. 33 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,299 I'm showing you who I booked. 34 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,399 - They're not that bad, are they? - No, they suck. 35 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,899 I think they'd be perfect for your party. 36 00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:18,799 Maybe you could get Mallandra to play her castanets along with 'em, 37 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,299 you know, jazz 'em up a little bit. 38 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,499 Mallandra's not coming. 39 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,599 - Yeah, why isn't she? - She didn't want to. 40 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,699 They threw a little ham party for me in Spain anyway. 41 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,399 By the way, no ham at this party. 42 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,399 No, I thought we could get pizzas delivered, at... 43 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,499 - what do you think? Like 9:00 PM? - Yeah, well, it depends what time we cut the cake, right? 44 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,099 You know what? I would cut it after musical chairs 45 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,800 but before the pinata. 46 00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,576 Yeah, just because you're unhappy with your life 47 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,400 doesn't mean I can't celebrate mine. 48 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,099 What did Captain Piss Parade do for his 40th? 49 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,699 I can't remember what we... 50 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,000 Yeah, weren't you in Toronto for your 40th? 51 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:50,699 No, I wasn't. I was supposed to be, but I changed the trip 52 00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,100 to be here for my birthday. 53 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,599 But it is funny how, through the mists of time, 54 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,999 you've latched onto the Toronto myth to absolve yourself. 55 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,476 It was probably so last-minute, we didn't have time 56 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,899 - to organise anything. - I didn't need to go to the Ritz. 57 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,599 I mean, we could've gone anywhere. We could have gone to fuckin' 58 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,400 - Five Guys. - I love Five Guys. 59 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:08,000 - Let's get Five Guys instead. - Unbelievable! 60 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,799 Also we need to get some balloons. Maybe black balloons? 61 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,099 - Black balloons? - I'm not turning seven. 62 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:15,000 You know the sort of thing. Masculine balloons. 63 00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,299 Fine. Who else are we askin'? 64 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,099 Do you know Mum's coming over for your birthday? 65 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:21,499 - Yeah, sure she is! - What do you mean? 66 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,200 She's coming to see her new man. 67 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,400 What the fuck?! 68 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,599 And, you know, it's not even Fergal's fault. 69 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,500 It's the fact that Sharon not only tolerates him 70 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,799 but enjoys him that drives me insane. 71 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,299 Yeah. You said that at the meeting. 72 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,199 And, you know, I realise this is the kind of time 73 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,399 when I would've drank, but I'm not gonna give him that power, you know? 74 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,900 That'd be like giving a weasel a machine gun. Which I would never do. 75 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,399 - What's funny? - No, it's just your biggest problem 76 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,599 right now is some asshole who lives in Spain. 77 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,899 I wish I could worry about stuff that small. 78 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,999 Yeah and what would you like me to get upset about? 79 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,299 Well, take your pick! 80 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,300 I mean, there is some bad shit coming down the line. 81 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:02,600 I mean, we are not far away from total societal collapse, my friend. 82 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:07,200 Did you know London's water supply could be compromised like that? 83 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,899 Man, you need to get off your basement computers. 84 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:12,199 This isn't paranoia! 85 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,799 I mean, there are two points of entry... Croydon and Hampstead. 86 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,299 You hit both of those at the same time, 87 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,399 you can expect four million casualties in under an hour. 88 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,899 Four million? 89 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:23,599 Aren't there, like, ten million people in London? 90 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,900 - I mean, that's not that bad. - Anyway... 91 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,299 picked up our New Zealand passports this morning, 92 00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,499 - so we gotta game plan. - What? How'd you get those? 93 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,800 Dark web. 94 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:36,299 I mean, it started out, I just wanted to see if I could. 95 00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:38,399 I mean, they're not a hundred percent legal, 96 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,699 like in court or whatever, 97 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,899 but for fathers who care about their families, 98 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,300 New Zealand really is the only way to go. 99 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:47,700 Want me to look into it for you? 100 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,799 The flight was lovely, and Stephen was waiting for me in arrivals 101 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,400 with a home-made panini. 102 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:01,100 I... I have a panini press. 103 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,699 Who are you? 104 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,899 I mean, h... um, how'd you meet? 105 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:09,199 Well, Stephen was on a shoot in Mullingar. 106 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,999 Stephen's a model, if that's not obvious. 107 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,399 - You're a model? - Well, technically. 108 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,900 It's all very new. I was an accountant for 40 years. 109 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,199 Stephen was scouted in Gatwick Airport 110 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,900 on his way back from Ayia Napa. 111 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,599 Wow! That's... I... I didn't know that... that... 112 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,399 people even... I just thought young models grew into old models. 113 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,199 You know, after a while you stop doin' swimsuit stuff and you start... 114 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,900 advertising hot-water bottles. 115 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,800 No. I, I do swimsuit work. 116 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:40,799 Rob was nearly a model once. 117 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,499 - Well, I wasn't, um... Some people say that I, um... - He was. 118 00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,800 - Does anyone want a drink? No. - Yeah. 119 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,000 - Hello! - It's Fergal. 120 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,400 Hello, son! Mwah! 121 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,699 This is Stephen. Stephen, this is my son, Fergal. 122 00:05:57,700 --> 00:06:00,000 - Hi. - Come here, you! 123 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,799 Did you see the way she laughed at his jokes? 124 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,699 It was obscene. Who uses their tongue to laugh? 125 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,499 What was that? Do you think they're having sex? 126 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,699 I dunno. Maybe. She still has her original hips, right? 127 00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:21,100 God! I don't know how I feel about that. 128 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,799 I mean, we barely have sex anymore, and that's fine, but... 129 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,299 not if my mum's gonna be doing it more than me. 130 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:30,399 Maybe this is a wake-up call. Shall we start making more of an effort? 131 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:31,600 I don't know. 132 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:35,400 I mean, here... here's how I feel about sex with you these days. 133 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,999 On paper, it sounds amazing, 134 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,599 but if you were to initiate it, like, tonight... 135 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,000 I'd just be angry. 136 00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,599 But I still have the fond feeling 137 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,900 when I look at you. Maybe that's enough. 138 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,300 Goddammit, it is enough! 139 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,200 Your mum's boyfriend's a feckin' ride. 140 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,799 - Good for her! - No, not good for her! 141 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,299 My dad died six months ago. That's nothing. 142 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,699 There's stuff in my fridge that's more than six months old. 143 00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,299 How's it going, Rob? Do you want a drink? 144 00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:12,699 No, thanks. Um, I have alcoholism. 145 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,699 Even on your brother-in-law's birthday? 146 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,200 Yeah, even then! 147 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,500 That's why AA would never work for me. 148 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,399 It's, like, "Be reasonable." 149 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:23,000 I told Anna to get here for 7:30. Is that OK? 150 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:25,800 I thought you and me could get there early, blow up the balloons. 151 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,699 I can help with balloons. 152 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:31,100 In college I taught myself how to tie them off with my tongue. 153 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,099 Also, I've no gag reflex. 154 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,100 That's... unrelated. 155 00:07:35,900 --> 00:07:37,399 You all right, Ciaran? 156 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,699 Are we meeting the other St Joseph lads in the pub? 157 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,299 No, no. I think it's just me. 158 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,499 Yeah, a lot of those lads don't like Fergal, so... 159 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,199 they didn't really know why you invited them. 160 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,599 Why don't they like him? 161 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,699 Some fuckin' timeshare 162 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,499 bollocks at Montenegro that he roped them into, 163 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,800 that went tits-up the second their cheques cleared. 164 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,300 You look lovely, Fergal! 165 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,600 Do you have eyeliner on? 166 00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,100 No! 167 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:08,900 Just a bit of lip gloss. 168 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,599 - Come on. - Honey, um, I have sad news. 169 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,499 I have diarrhoea. And it's pretty bad, 170 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:26,499 so I don't think I can make the party. Sorry. 171 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,699 Bullshit. You've diarrhoea? I know when you've diarrhoea. 172 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:32,599 The house smells like a poultry farm and you're all covered in sweat. 173 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,199 OK. I don't wanna come to Fergal's party. 174 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,799 - What? You have to come! - I don't have to come. 175 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,699 Look, just tell him I have diarrhoea, and it hurts, 176 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:43,299 - and he won't care anyway. - Yeah. He might not care, 177 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:46,399 but I'd really like you to be there. Come on. It'll be fun. 178 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,399 Honey, look, my idea of fun isn't pushin' Fergal home in a wheelbarrow 179 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,999 - cos you're too drunk to do it. - OK, the Pope. 180 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,299 Well, you know what? The wheelbarrow thing sounds like brilliant fun, 181 00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,500 actually, so maybe we've got a bigger problem here. 182 00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,699 But it's good to know that this is my future 183 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,299 as the wife of a dry drunk. 184 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,799 Used to be you'd just stand in the corner scowling at parties. 185 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:05,999 Now you won't be there at all! 186 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,899 Yeah, well, I hope you have some hand cream in your bag 187 00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:09,799 in case you gotta jerk off any... 188 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,300 I... 189 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,399 you know, that's just a funny joke that we have. 190 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:18,899 Um, so, listen, looks like we won't need you tonight, Anna. 191 00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:22,499 - So, I'm sorry... - What? Sorry if I cancelled plans, 192 00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:23,876 and I was gonna use the money to buy 193 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,500 my nephew Rocky a birthday present? 194 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,899 So what I'll do is, I'll just go read upstairs, 195 00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:32,300 and, um, it's great that you're here. 196 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,900 Everybody! 197 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,700 - Hey! You having fun? - No. 198 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,599 Maybe it wouldn't feel so pathetic 199 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,200 if you hadn't booked an actual barn for my party. 200 00:09:56,700 --> 00:09:58,199 Was the O2 Arena not available? 201 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,500 - I'm sorry. I expected more people. - Right! So it's my fault? 202 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:05,900 I mean, this is not an honest representation of me as a people person. 203 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,600 - Do you wanna dance, Ciaran? - Sure. 204 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,799 Yeah, let me drink... three more beers. 205 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,200 You're on! 206 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,500 This is considerably more depressing than your father's funeral. 207 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:31,199 - "An agonising wait for the sugar..." - What?! 208 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,699 They don't have nearly enough time to do spun sugar. 209 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,200 What, do they think they're Rumpelstiltskins? 210 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,500 Why don't you go to the party? 211 00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,499 - I don't like my brother-in-law. - Do you like Sharon? 212 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,899 Yes, I like Sharon. Just not enough to go to the party. 213 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,799 - How does that work, then? - What do you mean? 214 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,000 Well, you don't like fun. Sharon does. 215 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,100 "Don't like fun"! 216 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,099 Ask Ricky Pratt if I like fun. 217 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:56,799 We went to karate camp together, and we... 218 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,600 Yeah. We were animals! So it's... 219 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,900 I won't be late. 220 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,100 Fucking Christ! 221 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,399 ♪ We move like cagey tigers ♪ 222 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,800 ♪ We couldn't get closer than this ♪ 223 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:46,900 ♪ The way we walk, the way we talk, the way we stalk... ♪ 224 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,699 - How are you? You OK? - Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I mean... 225 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:54,700 I'm lonely in my own home, but apart from that, everything's great. 226 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:59,000 - Chris looks happy. - Everybody looks happy. 227 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:01,600 You don't. 228 00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,399 Fran! Do you want another gin? 229 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,799 Can I get you... No. You look like you had enough. 230 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,299 Hello! 231 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:12,199 So, Douglas, how did you get into the whole plastic-surgery game? 232 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,699 Did you go to med school to become a real doctor, 233 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,600 and then think, "You know what? Any arsehole can save a life." 234 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:20,699 "What I'd like to do is give women weird, hard tits 235 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,499 - that start at their collarbones." - It's not all tits. 236 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,200 Last year I reconstructed an eight year old's face 237 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:28,400 who'd been attacked by her neighbour's dog. 238 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,799 Well, that... I mean, that's different, that. 239 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,699 But I also did an eye lift yesterday 240 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,399 for a woman who had a similar issue to yours. 241 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,299 I'm not currently taking new patients, 242 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,500 but I'd be happy to give you a referral. 243 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000 I don't have an issue! 244 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,700 Do I? 245 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,699 - Where's Mark and Shane? - They fucked off. 246 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,599 - Why? - I think they went bowling. 247 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,899 For fuck's sake! 248 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,499 Hey, let's get some of that new drug, 249 00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:58,999 you know, the one that anaesthetists use. 250 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,599 The one that killed those people in Glasgow? 251 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,200 - Yeah, that one. - OK. I'll call my cousin. 252 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,199 What? 253 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,200 Can you still get hard on those? 254 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:21,300 Ma'am? Could you open the doors? The stop's just... there. 255 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,400 We're an inch from the stop. You couldn't even use feet to measure it. 256 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,800 Sir! Leave the doors alone, please! 257 00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,200 Thank you. 258 00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,200 Check out the artist formerly known as Douglas. 259 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,599 - I didn't know you two were back together. - Och, aye. 260 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,800 I'm only seeing him because of... 261 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,800 - Don't matter. - No. What were you gonna say? 262 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,400 I messed up everything, didn't I? 263 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:21,100 I screwed everything up! Sorry. 264 00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:24,099 - I've had a couple of drinks, so... - No, but, no, no, it's good, 265 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,999 - because I wanted to... - Can you ask him to come back? 266 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,900 - What? - Jeffrey. 267 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:31,899 Can you tell him I'm sorry and ask him to come back? 268 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,799 - Fran... - You've got that... 269 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,100 lovely girl, and I've got... 270 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,200 nothing. 271 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,900 Goin' out with a male model. 272 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,299 Our mother. It's not even funny. 273 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:53,900 It's better than going out with a DJ. 274 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,199 - Como Te llamas? Should've known. - Sofia. 275 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,800 Sofia, _ 276 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,199 What if she's up for it? 277 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,800 - What are you gonna do then, you clown? - Dunno. 278 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,500 Couldn't get any Fentanyl, but I got these. 279 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,800 What are they? 280 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,300 They're blue. 281 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,300 - Sweet! - Yeah? 282 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,399 - Yeah? Would ya? Come on. - Take us down. 283 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,200 - Yeah, yeah, yeah! Agh! - Come on, ya bollocks!! 284 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:39,900 Mother of...! 285 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,900 ♪ I need excitement, I need it bad ♪ 286 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,500 ♪ And it's the best I've ever had ♪ 287 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,599 ♪ I wanna hold her, wanna hold her tight ♪ 288 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,999 ♪ Get teenage kicks right through the night ♪ 289 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,600 ♪ All right... ♪ 290 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,600 Hey! 291 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,900 So, what's your angle? 292 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,900 - How do you mean? - You know she's still grievin', 293 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:22,199 right? So anything she tells you is just nonsense, 294 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,899 like a fever dream. There's no way she's over my dad. 295 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,899 Well, it would be strange if she were. I mean... 296 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,799 she's told me how hard his death hit you all. 297 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,000 Sounds like he was a wonderful man. 298 00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:33,000 Yeah, well, he was. 299 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,999 Nice to see you two chatting. How are you gettin' on? 300 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,300 Yeah, great. He's great. 301 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,599 I think, you know, if you two hit pause, 302 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,500 and then picked it up again in a couple of years 303 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,899 when you've had proper time to grieve for Dad, then... 304 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,799 - I might even feel good about it... - Nah, fuck off! 305 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,099 - This... him. - Here, can I have a Babycham? 306 00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,299 - Argh, you...! - What the hell?! 307 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,499 - Argh! - Argh! 308 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:57,000 What are you doing?! Fergal! What the fuck?! 309 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,599 ♪ I wanna hold her, wanna hold her tight ♪ 310 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,999 ♪ Get teenage kicks right through the night ♪ 311 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,200 - ♪ Hey ♪ - _ 312 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,200 Hey, guys! 313 00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,899 We should maybe take a taxi. 314 00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:35,700 - Why? - So we can get home quick and fuck. 315 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,200 I'm ovulating. 316 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:41,200 Right! Let's... 317 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:47,100 What do you say we go somewhere and... have a chat? 318 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,199 Why am I even having to deal with this anyway? 319 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,099 Stop talking at me like that! You're always moaning about everything... 320 00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:55,999 I'm not, you idiot... Hey, you came! 321 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,799 Hey! Did you bring any diarrhoea? 322 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,799 What the hell happened? Does he have a pulse? 323 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,899 Relax, Nancy. He's just taking a breather. 324 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,799 - Back off, Fergal! - What is your fucking problem? 325 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,899 - You! - Why, you think you're better than me? 326 00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:09,199 - Right now, yeah. - Well, you're not. 327 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,199 You're like a fuckin' fun-vacuum. 328 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,199 You're like.. you're like the Reverend Footloose. 329 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,300 Everyone, stop... stop dancing! Stop having fun! 330 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,499 The Reverend fuckin' Rob Norris is here. 331 00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,599 Jesus Christ. Your eyes are like a hundred percent pupil. Are you high? 332 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,999 - It's my birthday! - Fergal! Nobody gives a shit. 333 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,200 Six people showed up to celebrate, and one of them's your mom. 334 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,999 What the fuck?! 335 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,500 Jesus, what are you doin'?! 336 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,099 Just be careful! 337 00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,799 You fuck! 338 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,400 Get off him! 339 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:42,800 Fergal, what the fuck?! Get off him! 340 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,400 Um... who are we here for? 341 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,900 - Come on! - _ 342 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,500 What the fuck is going on with you? 343 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,500 - Are you having a mid-life crisis? - I'm not having a mid-life... 344 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,399 My wife fucking hates me. 345 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,499 When I drive into work, I think about pulling into oncoming traffic. 346 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:20,099 Well, yeah, maybe it is a crisis. Not mid-life, though. Come on! 347 00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:23,899 Jesus Christ! So, what are you gonna do? Leave her, 348 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:26,699 because you cannot continue like this. 349 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,699 You are gonna get yourself in serious trouble 350 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,999 being this much of an arsehole, Fergal. 351 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,899 You... you're gonna be in a bar one night, mouthing off, 352 00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:38,000 and some Spanish Vinnie Jones is gonna smash your face in. 353 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,599 - I can't leave her. - What? 354 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,499 I fuckin' made a promise to Dad. Okay? 355 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,599 I told him I'd work it out with Mallandra. 356 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,299 Why would you promise him that? 357 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,499 It made him smile. 358 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,899 Fergal, he'd had a stroke. 359 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:52,699 He didn't have full control of his facial muscles. 360 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,400 Bugger! 361 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,000 - Morning. - Morning. 362 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,499 - Where's Ciaran? - Um... 363 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,599 He slept in Frankie's bunk bed last night, but... 364 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,199 he's got a concussion, though, so I think 365 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,000 it's important that we let him sleep. 366 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,999 What? No. That is the opposite of what you do. 367 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,300 I'll go check on him. 368 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,400 Does anybody have a mint? 369 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,000 It doesn't matter. 370 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:28,500 I owe you probably 15 apologies. 371 00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:32,599 Look, it's OK. I had a bit of a revelation earlier. 372 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,299 I used the toilet after you were in there this morning, 373 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,399 and the seat was warm, and I got really angry. 374 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,599 But then I thought, "Why do I care how it got warm?" 375 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,199 It's warm and it's cosy. What I'm trying to say is, 376 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:49,100 you're my wife's brother, and... I'm glad that you're leaving, 377 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,500 but I know that you'll be back at some point, and that's fine. 378 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,499 Just out of curiosity, have you ever hated anything 379 00:20:58,500 --> 00:20:59,899 as much as you hate me? 380 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:01,900 'Cause, it seems a little excessive. 381 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,400 - Shar... - Sorry. Can just... Sorry. Can I go? 382 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,900 Mum... I'm sorry about how I behaved. 383 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,899 You've just lost your husband. 384 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,899 You know, you should be able to do whatever you wanna do 385 00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:16,999 when your husband dies, including fuck up. Which you're not. 386 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,899 So, I guess I'm trying to say don't break up with Stephen 387 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:21,400 on my account. 388 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,399 - What were you gonna say? - I was just going to say, 389 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,200 I left five Euros for Frankie under his pillow. 390 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:36,499 Be careful, OK? 391 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:37,800 That fit... 392 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,399 at that age, just seems a bit... 393 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,799 I'm just saying he could be gay... 394 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,000 you know? I mean, he's such a good dancer. 395 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,900 I don't want you to get hurt. 396 00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:49,200 Well, if he is gay, he's under deep cover. 397 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,399 How long do you think you'd wait to get together with someone 398 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:00,599 after I die? 399 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,100 Like, if I had to go out and look for 'em, 400 00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:05,599 it'd be, you know, a couple of years. 401 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:10,299 But if somebody came up to me and was, like, "I'm fucking you now," 402 00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:13,400 then, I would wait, like, you know... a day or two. 403 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,399 Yeah. If I die, 404 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,799 I would be fine with you being with someone else, 405 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,200 you know? I'm dead. I don't care. 406 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:23,700 But if the slut you get together with 407 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,599 even suggests my kids call her "mum"... 408 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,899 I'll haunt her, and if Muireann has her period, 409 00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:30,599 you come to my grave and you tell me, 410 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,800 not your mail-order bride. That's non-negotiable. 411 00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:38,999 Hey, I'm sorry I never threw you a party for your 40th. 412 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,499 - I didn't want a party for my 40th. - Well, a picnic, then, or... 413 00:22:42,500 --> 00:22:44,299 we could've gone to the beach. 414 00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,700 Just makes me wanna cry, thinking about it. 415 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,499 And I'm sorry about Fergal. 416 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:53,600 I know sometimes it seems like I put my family first, but I love you, 417 00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:56,300 and that's why I married you, and not him. 418 00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,299 And also because I'm fun. 419 00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:01,999 Well, you still think I'm fun, don't you? 420 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,699 I mean, know I said fun for me 421 00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:06,700 isn't rolling you and Fergal around in a wheelbarrow, but... 422 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:08,100 you know, I'd give it a shot. 423 00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:11,599 You are plenty of great things. 424 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,199 I don't need you to be fun. 425 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,900 Well, tough luck, because I am. 426 00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:20,000 Get off! Stop! 427 00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:24,999 - Jesus! - I'm sorry! 34006

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