Original subtitles

In old country of Schlupsk, I am ditch digger.

It is not always great.

Life is difficult.

But then one day,

Hashem gives me a miracle.

Her name is Sarah.

She is strong

and she has all her teeth, top and bottom.

I decide at once to woo her.

Wooing fails,

but I am determined to win her.

Every day, I dig twice the ditch.

It is greatest summer of my life.

We have so much in common.

Her favorite color black. My favorite color black.

Her parents murdered by Cossacks.

My parents murdered by Cossacks.

I notice nice little thing about her.

She always sneeze same way.

Four time.

Is adorable.

Sometimes, when we want to be alone,

we go to very special bog.

We tell each other all our hopes and dreams.

Oh.

We have wedding in front of whole town.

Hashem blesses us.

For a bit.

We are attacked by Cossacks.

Bloodthirsty, Jew-hungry,

Russian maniacs drunk from vodka.

Jew!

The Cossacks destroy our whole world.

But...

we are the Greenbaums.

We are strong.

And together there is no stopping us.

We keep fighting till we have American dream.

All right, let's get these

dumb Polacks outta here.

Compared to Cossacks,

Americans very kind.

All right. This way, you filthy Jews. Let's go.

I find good job in pickle factory.

A good Jewish business.

The foreman will not let me mix salt.

Or sort cucumber.

But he says I can chase rats with club

and he will pay nickel for every ten Herschel smash.

It is not dream job.

But I am grateful for chance to prove my worth.

Get your seltzer water here! Just one bright, shiny nickel.

Some things still out of reach.

Seltzer water. Get your seltzer water!

Yeah, you, sir. Seltzer water today?

It's only one bright, shiny nickel for the men.

It's only one bright, shiny nickel for the ladies.

But over time we work and save.

I grant Sarah's wish.

A beautiful Greenbaum family plot

for us to share.

Forever.

Then Hashem gives us biggest miracle of all.

So one night to Sarah

I make this vow.

Our child will be strong.

And our child's child will be strong.

Our family will prosper.

And in 100 years,

the Greenbaums will be powerful.

Successful.

The strongest in the land.

And then one day,

everything changed.

Attention!

This factory has been condemned.

-Damn it. -Shit.

Dude, we're never gonna find this, bro.

No, it's definitely this way.

Whoa.

Let's go!

Please! Please! Settle down.

Essentially, the pickle brine preserved him perfectly.

It's been 100 years, but he hasn't aged a day.

-That's impossible. -You don't honestly expect us

to buy that, do you?

What's the science behind it?

Please, let me explain.

The scientist explains.

His logic is good.

It satisfies everyone.

-Oh, yes. -It makes sense.

-Absolutely. -Very clear.

But...

I'm very sad.

The world has changed.

Everything I know is gone. And...

...everyone.

I'm so sorry, Herschel.

You will check again.

We already checked the city records twice.

She wasn't brined.

She's been dead for 80 years.

You will check again.

We already checked.

My Sarah is gone.

Our child is gone.

I have nothing.

Then I get some great news.

Great news, Herschel.

It took a little bit of doing,

but we were able to track down a living relative.

I have family?

Yes.

A great-grandson.

And, as luck would have it, he lives right here in Brooklyn

and he's exactly the same age as you.

And we're contacting him right now.

Thank you.

I am so excited I forget all my misery.

Even though I have not met this Ben,

I can see him in my mind.

He will be just like how I vowed to Sarah,

powerful.

Successful.

The strongest in the land.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

Greenbaum.

Yeah.

Greenbaum.

Greenbaum.

Greenbaum.

Greenbaum!

Greenbaum!

Greenbaum!

All right!

It must be so crazy for you.

Very crazy.

Crazy for me, too, man.

Are you allowed to leave?

Do you wanna come back to my apartment?

-Very much. -All right. Let's go.

Yeah, I got him. I'm his great-grandson.

So he's gonna stay with me for a bit. Yeah. Thank you.

Take it in.

Cool, huh?

Make way.

It's a scooter.

They're actually pretty fun.

Anyway, I can't wait to show you, like, the future.

There's so much cool shit, man. You're gonna love it.

It's cool, man. It's a cab.

It's gonna take us back to my apartment. Hop in.

It's all right.

Oh, yeah, crawl in.

There you go. You got it.

We're going to Brooklyn, please. Thank you.

Here we are, man.

Home, sweet home.

Hey, check this out.

Alexa, lights.

Pretty cool, huh?

All this yours?

Yeah. I mean, I don't own it or anything like that.

I do live here by myself. I work from home,

though, a lot.

It would be nice, honestly, to have someone around.

So you can stay here as long as you want.

I do not want to be burden to you.

It's not a burden, Herschel. At all. I mean...

I really never thought I would get a chance

to meet another Greenbaum. So...

Neither did I.

You must be thirsty.

I mean, you were brined for, like, a century.

And there's salt in brine, right?

So you must be pretty parched, to say the least.

Can I get you something to drink?

Macadamia milk? Or there's cashew milk.

I got pea milk. They're milking peas now.

They're milking everything these days, dude.

You name it, they're milking it.

I got mint tea. I have kombucha.

-"Kombucha"? -Yeah.

It's fermented... stuff. Honestly, I don't even know.

Tastes nasty. But it's very healthy.

-Would you like some? -Is fine.

They inject drink into my arm in hospital.

-I am fine. -Fair enough.

There must be something I can get you.

Would you like some seltzer?

You have seltzer.

Oh, I got seltzer for days, son.

I got a whole seltzer machine. It's pretty cool, actually.

Ya just fill this up there.

That's it. You put in the cartridge.

"Cartridge."

And you just press that button. Makes you seltzer.

Press button.

Exactly. You wanna press it?

You'll let me press seltzer button?

Yeah. It's a pretty big deal, but we're family.

So you can press the seltzer button.

Knock yourself out.

Yeah!

There you go. You're seltzering.

Pretty cool, huh?

-The bubble. -So many bubbles.

Well...

One for you. And one for me.

Cheers.

L'chaim.

Ooh!

Yeah.

Crazy.

This must be very overwhelming for you.

It's a lot. It's a little much.

But I think you'll find there's actually, like,

some pretty cool stuff about the future.

Oh, yeah. Exactly. Not just that.

Uh, I know what else you might like.

You like music, right?

Yes.

Watch this.

Alexa, play...

oldies.

Here's a station for you. Oldies.

Pretty cool, huh?

It's a stereo,

and it plays music from the Internet.

It comes through these speakers.

Pretty good, huh?

It's a good song.

Here, check it, check it, check it.

It's you. It's you singing.

No, I'm lip-synching. Get in there.

-Get in there, man. -It's okay.

-It's okay. -Get in there.

I watch you dance.

I'm a very good dancer for my time.

Come on. Get in there.

Come on. Get in there. I know you want to.

Yeah.

Oh, there you go.

Brooklyn's probably changed a lot since you last saw it,

I would imagine.

Good pizza, huh?

Hey.

They are couple?

Yeah, yeah. Interracial couples

totally cool now

in parts of the country.

Yeah, check it out.

Twinsies.

Hey, nice clothes. Is that vintage?

-Good, huh? -Hmm?

Kosher, too.

This is a scooter.

You have legs. You do not need this thing.

That is a weirdly inappropriate thing to say.

How many pairs of shoes you own?

Um, like seven, maybe?

Seven. How many sock?

I have like 20, 25 pairs of socks.

Twenty-five socks! Twenty-five.

It's a lot of socks.

Ben Greenbaum. Owner of 25 pair of sock.

It's pretty normal for today.

Tell me, what is it you do for job?

Wait, let me guess. You're a doctor.

No. You're a lawyer.

No.

Close. Freelance mobile app developer.

What?

It's easier if I show you.

Here, come on.

You're gonna think it's dope. Which means "good."

Check it out, man.

Go.

A magic rectangle. You make this?

No, I didn't invent the iPad. I wish I did, though.

But let me ask you this,

before people buy something

what's something they wish they knew?

How long has meat been dead for?

Yeah, that.

Also, they want to know

whether or not the company they're buying from is ethical.

-They do? -Yes.

They do. It's called "conscientious shopping."

It's very popular.

My app makes it very easy.

All you do is, you scan a product.

And it tells you whether or not the company is ethical

by analyzing its carbon footprint,

its labor policies,

and a bunch of other things and it gives you a score.

Check it out.

91.

These kale chips are gonna be extra delicious

because I know how ethical they are.

Thanks to Boop Bop.

-"Boop Bop"? -Boop Bop, yeah.

-It's called "Boop Bop." -Why Boop Bop?

Um...

You know, it's kinda just like the trend,

I guess, these days

to give apps, like, silly names.

You know, Venmo, Hulu, Hipmunk and...

You know, you might think it's kinda silly.

But I've been working on it pretty hard

for five years now, basically.

And once I sell this thing, I can finally, you know,

start the next chapter, which is exciting.

You work for five years. How come you no sell?

It's just...

not ready yet.

I'm still finalizing some things.

Just really focused on getting it right, you know?

Making it perfect.

I think once it's ready, though, I'll have

a pretty easy time selling it.

I went to school with this guy who works in venture capital.

And I'm pretty sure he'd be into it.

He said that they wanna hear the pitch as soon as it's done.

But I'm still kind of noodling with the logo.

I mean, this mustardy one has really been growing on me.

I kinda wish it was mustardier, though.

Is this your father?

No, that's David Bowie.

Is this your mother?

No, that's also David Bowie.

That whole poster's David Bowie.

How come in this whole place you have so many things,

but no pictures of family?

I have pictures of my family.

I just haven't really,

you know, like, framed them and incorporated them in my...

design.

But I got that stuff right here.

You kept.

Yeah. I kept.

Who is this?

That's...

your son.

It's Mort Greenbaum.

"Mort"?

Sarah had son.

How was his life?

Was he success?

Yeah. He was a foreman of a brick factory.

A foreman?

Yeah.

Who is this?

Uh...

That's Mort's son.

David Greenbaum. Your grandson.

He was also foreman?

He was an accountant.

-Accountant. -Yeah.

This his wife?

Mm-hmm.

Who is this very shapely young woman here?

That's me.

These are your parents.

Where are they?

They passed away.

I'm very sorry.

Murdered or regular?

It was a car crash.

So, regular.

You will tell me everything of their death

so I may bear witness to your grief.

How their bodies died, their faces as the life left.

Be very specific.

Spare no detail.

We will bond over our pain.

No detail too small.

We don't have to get into that right now.

You wanna get outta here? Let's go to Smorgasburg.

They have jackfruit nachos that are actually really good.

We will go to cemetery now.

Visit Greenbaum family grave, pay our respect to dead.

Actually, I'm not sure...

I don't think the cemetery's open right now.

So we go to cemetery tomorrow.

I think it was maybe supposed to rain.

So I guess weather permitting.

All right. But now we go to shul,

we say Mourner's Kaddish, prayer for dead.

Must properly honor memory of Sarah, Mort, your parents.

Yeah, I'm not...

I'm not sure that's something I want to do right now.

But I would be happy to walk you over there.

What is problem?

It's not a problem.

I guess I understand why you're a religious person.

That makes sense for someone from your era.

But I am not...

I'm not very religious.

You do not know Mourner's Kaddish?

Not anymore, no.

How do you grieve for dead parents

if you do not say prayer for dead?

I'm doing okay.

I do not understand.

You were raised Jew.

Yeah.

Are you not still Jew?

Technically.

I also had a Jumanji-themed bar mitzvah.

It's not like I was that religious

in the first place.

Also, like, organized religion is very regressive.

Praise Hashem, there is still beautiful Greenbaum plot.

Very special place. Very special.

Tell me, how high is elm tree now?

100 feet?

200 feet?

Yeah. Something like that. Probably. I'm not 100% sure.

When last time you come?

I don't know, maybe like five years ago, or somethin'.

So been a little while.

Wait.

It's this way.

This way!

Sweet Hashem.

You let them put garbage.

And you let them put huge sign block out sun and kill tree!

Yeah, it's not on our property.

There's nothing we can do about it.

Sarah.

You okay?

We will pray.

Hey, guys!

Sorry, you can't be there.

What?

We're putting up a billboard!

What it say?

It's an ad for vanilla-flavored vodka.

Vanilla-flavored...

...vodka?

Cossacks.

Cossack!

Hershel, what are you doin', man?

You will take down vanilla vodka...

or I will do violence.

What?

You will take down vanilla vodka...

or I will do violence.

Look, buddy, I don't have time for--

Oh, shit. No!

-Stop! -Yes!

Stop!

Come on! Come on!

Ben! Ben!

Come on!

You can never stop the Greenbaums!

You will never stop the Greenbaums!

Your payment's been processed. You're free to go.

Fantastic.

We must go back to grave.

We will cut down Cossack billboard.

Dude, if we do that,

we're gonna go back to jail. So, no.

Okay. We must purchase billboard from Cossack,

which I do not like,

and then we cut down billboard.

First off, the Cossacks don't own it.

Second off, it's owned by some giant billboard company.

It costs $200,000.

Then we buy from giant company and then we cut down billboard.

Why are you being so difficult about this?

I can't afford it!

You have moneys? Your parents leave you moneys?

I don't have $200,000.

You have all this, so you have moneys.

How much moneys you have?

I have some money left, but I don't have a lot left.

And I have a lot less now that I had to bail us

out of jail, Herschel.

It's not my fault!

What is your fault is that you started a fight with

some construction workers!

Someone has to defend honor of family. Not you.

And I'd be defending the honor of our family more

if I wasn't busy trying to create a company

and a product, man!

You're busy? Oh, yes. Not selling Boop Bops.

You don't understand how much pressure there is

on this stuff. Okay?

I'm trying to make it perfect.

Blue. Green. Red. Who cares?

Pick a color!

Companies are made or broken by the color of their logo!

Let me tell you something.

In Schlupsk, we have saying.

Oh, good. Yeah, what is it? I'm sure this has aged well.

If man says he is going to throw punch,

but he does not throw punch,

it is because this man secretly has polio arm.

This is you.

You have polio arm.

This your polio arm.

Throw your punch!

Do something, Ben!

Don't just sit there, looking at Boop Bops.

Blue, yellow, green! Who cares?

Throw your punch!

Okay. Fine! You know what? Fine! Fine!

-Good. Good. Do it. -I'll email the guy.

No choice anyway. I have no money.

It's not ready. Logo's not right.

Who cares about the stupid logo?

You know they cured polio, right?

-They did? -Yes, they did.

A long time ago. A guy named Jonas Salk.

Was he Jew?

He was. Yes.

-He was Jewish? -Yes.

Yes! Knew it.

Oh, yeah, big win.

I would look at polio people and think,

"They could fix this."

You thought that?

This problem not unfixable problem.

You put a Jew on this, he will fix this.

Very prophetic of you, Herschel.

I was right. Very good.

He's texting back.

He says my idea's "straight fire."

That's a good thing.

He wants me to come in today and pitch my idea in person.

He wants your Boop Bops.

-This is a big deal, Herschel. -Yes.

He wants my Boop Bops.

Ben, what's up?

Hey! How's it going, man?

We're not gonna invest.

-What? -Yeah. Sorry, man.

What's the problem?

Before you came in, we googled your name

and the first thing that comes up is your arrest.

Look, it's just bad optics.

I mean, the whole app is about ethics,

and the founder is a violent criminal.

Like, if you Boop Bopped Boop Bop,

you'd get a really low Boop Bop score.

Is there anything we can do?

Can we spin this or something like that?

Oh, no. Definitely not.

No one's gonna touch this, man. This is...

This idea is dead.

Look, consider this an opportunity.

I mean, there's tons of other ideas.

-How long did it take to come up with this?

-Five years.

Five years. That's--

Long time.

Yeah, that's a while.

Sorry to disappoint you, I guess.

Maybe you can make an app where it doesn't matter

if the founder's a bad person.

Like a social media thing.

Hey. I don't know if you want my advice, man,

but it's never too late to do things completely differently.

You know?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Take care, man.

Call me if you got anything new.

Did you get moneys?

No. I didn't get moneys.

And I'm afraid that I might never get moneys

for my business that is based on ethics

now that I have a criminal record for assault

because of you!

I was worried no one would want your Boop Bops

because is terrible idea. So...

I have other idea.

We start pickle business.

Is good business. Jewish business.

I have knowledge of pickling.

I was myself a pickle.

That's a very stupid idea, Herschel.

It will work.

We will start pickle business.

We will become success.

You will finally make dead parents proud.

Don't you talk about my parents.

You never talk about my parents!

You don't know anything about them!

You never met them!

'Cause you were too busy getting pickle-brined

for 100 years!

It's your fault, Herschel.

You got us arrested.

You ruined my business that I spent years on!

It's a good thing Sarah's not around anymore.

'Cause if she was, she would be ashamed of you.

You hear this vow.

I will create pickle empire.

I will make $200,000.

I will buy back Cossack land.

And I will cut down billboard.

I will prove you stupid.

Because you are my enemy.

You dishonor Greenbaum name.

We are no longer family.

Good luck with that.

You don't know jack shit about shit, man.

You can't even read from what I can tell.

You're gonna start a pickle empire?

You can't even survive out there without my help!

Do not need help from anybody.

I will prove you stupid with no help from anybody ever!

I would like to purchase. How much?

Looks like these are 90 cents apiece.

Terribly sorry, little boy. It sounds to me

like you are saying these cucumbers

are 90 cents apiece.

I am.

Cucumber.

And salt.

Yes!

Yes!

Oh, my God. Kevin, look.

Artisanal pickles.

Well, he's not on Yelp.

Sir. How local is your produce?

I make pickle here in Brooklyn.

And are they all-natural?

Is pickle.

But do you add any chemicals like,

you know, benzoates or preservatives?

I do not even know these words.

Oh, I like your style.

Ooh, let's see.

Wow! Ooh.

Just hits me in my throat.

Very pungent.

Let me smell it.

Oh! Yeah, that burns.

You can feel the burn.

I can, like, smell it in my eye.

Feel the sting.

Give it to me again. Let me smell it.

Mm, yeah, that's straight from the devil.

Satanic. Oh, it stinks.

You know what, it would go so good

with the kelp ceviche.

Oh, my God, that's right. How much do we owe you?

You want to buy?

Of course.

Is four dollar for pickle.

Three dollar less than big store

and I include the scum.

-Okay. Sure. -Okay! Yeah, scum.

-Here you go. -That's great.

Scum it is.

You no haggle.