Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,838
Rog, I'm 10 out.
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,407
I'll scoop you, and then
we're headed straight
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,609
to the Sharks Nest
for some laser hockey, baby.
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,312
Pew pew! My favorite sport!
Can't wait.
5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,546
Check this.
6
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,148
We're sitting in
the mayor's box.
7
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,516
Dick's been moonlighting
8
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,151
as Mayor Garfield's
Chief of Security.
9
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,652
Yeah, Dick, killing it!
10
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,021
You're coming as your
Pete Van Smash persona, right?
11
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,523
You know it!
Good.
12
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,193
All the guys from work think
Van Smash is a God.
13
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:27,095
He loves sports,
and he's always on the hunt
14
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,829
for new awesome porn.
15
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,132
Van Smash always
brings the fire.
16
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,067
I'm going to slip
into him right now.
17
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,469
[ Ring tone plays ]
18
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,804
Hell yeah.
19
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,306
What up, blowhole?
20
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,141
I hate to do this,
but I got to flake on you
21
00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,009
for that laser game.
What?
22
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,677
Why didn't you just tell me
on the other line?
23
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:47,148
Van Smash doesn't make other
people take out his trash, bruh.
24
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,083
I got to go. I'm about
to get in an accident.
25
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,118
[ Engine revs ]
26
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,485
[ Glass shatters ]
27
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,890
* Good morning, U.S.A.
28
00:00:56,924 --> 00:01:00,728
* I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
29
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,864
* The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *
30
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:08,269
* And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race *
31
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:13,541
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say
32
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,009
* Good --
* Good morning, U.S.A.
33
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,077
Aah!
34
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,715
* Good morning, U.S.A.
35
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,585
Announcer: That's a laser goal!
36
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,819
Three points!
37
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,055
-Yeah!
-Yeah, yeah!
38
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,458
How sweet is this box?
39
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,092
Stan,
where's Van Smash?
40
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,262
He totally flaked.
Oh, man.
41
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,096
I bet he had something
cool to do.
42
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,766
He's probably being
so funny right now.
43
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,169
That's too bad.
I wanted everyone here
44
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:42,903
so I could share
some good news.
45
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,439
With the extra money I'm making
working for the mayor,
46
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:48,041
I finally bought that boat
I've been lusting after.
47
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,110
The one that's been rusting
in the Walmart parking lot
48
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,479
for the last three years?
49
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,947
Yep! But that's not
the good news.
50
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,284
If I had not moved
out of my apartment
51
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,885
and on to that boat,
then I wouldn't have met
52
00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,487
the love of my life.
53
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,822
Meet Becky Tenderhearts.
54
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,457
Goddamnit.
55
00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,226
I got to ask, how do you guys
concentrate at work
56
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:08,962
with this tub of hot
roast beef slopping around?
57
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,934
Francine, I came across
a pretty troubling photo
58
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,937
from your bender
last night.
59
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,439
Francine: Oh, God!
60
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,807
I made out
with Tuttle?
61
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,310
-Ew! Mom!
-Get it, Mrs. S!
62
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:25,579
I wonder if I took a bite
or ate the whole thing.
63
00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:28,015
I better pop a Plan B.
64
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:31,419
Got you!
It's Photoshop, baby!
65
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,086
All: Ah!
66
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,623
[ Applause ]
Too kind, too kind.
67
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,825
Little light on
the cheering there, Klaus.
68
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,627
Now, to more
important matters.
69
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,894
What the hell, Roger?!
70
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,895
You have to
break up with Dick!
71
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:42,963
I command it!
72
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,898
First, I'm not
dating Dick.
73
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,435
My persona,
Becky Tenderhearts, is.
74
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,002
Second,
I'm not dumping him.
75
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,304
Becky is in love!
76
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,105
All: Aw!
Yes.
77
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,140
[ Applause ]
78
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,842
That is so sweet!
79
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,844
It isn't sweet, Hayley.
It's annoying.
80
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,280
Roger ditched me,
so there I was looking like
81
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,849
an ass kneeling during
the national anthem all alone!
82
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,484
Relax.
Every once and a while,
83
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,086
my characters schedules
conflict, but don't worry.
84
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,422
I don't see any other conflicts
on the horizon.
85
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,791
Good because you and I
have a big
86
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,860
Wheels and the Legman
case to crack.
87
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,496
The Legman is ready,
and, Frannie, Hayley,
88
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,631
I'll be there as Jeannie Gold
to help you plan
89
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,032
Nerfer's bachelorette party.
90
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,935
I can't believe Nerfer
is settling down.
91
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,071
She has such big tits!
92
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,874
And Raider Dave and I
are watching the game tomorrow.
93
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,543
See, Stan? Plenty of Roger
to go around.
94
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,546
Now, if you'll excuse me,
Becky has some planning to do.
95
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,315
She's moving on to
Dick's boat!
96
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,084
Roger,
that's a big step!
97
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,387
Stop.
It's just easier, Steve.
98
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,322
Sure, Roger.
That's the reason.
99
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,923
Shut up, Steve!
100
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,598
Oh, no, bro.
101
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,300
That's my buddy
Raider Dave's lucky seat.
102
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,802
We're bonded in blood
as citizens of Raider Nation,
103
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,704
and he's going to be here
any second!
104
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,138
Awesome.
Oh!
105
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,007
Damn it, Roger.
106
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,875
Where are you?
107
00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:06,380
Jalapeño popper on the floor.
Don't do it, Klaus.
108
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,915
Oh, sick!
109
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:10,718
I caught this right before
it hit the ground!
110
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,987
The Raider game is about to
start if anyone's interested!
111
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:17,625
Who cares about football when
we've got this beautiful sunset
112
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:18,892
over the marina.
113
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,762
[ Sniffs ]
And that glorious smell?
114
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,163
What is that smell, Dick?
115
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,432
Dead seagull.
116
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:27,067
Thank you
for this life.
117
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,769
[ Both moaning ]
118
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:34,174
Mom, Nerfer's bachelorette
must be pirate themed!
119
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,776
Nerfer loves pirates!
120
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:39,012
That's why I've been saying
we should go steampunk.
121
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:42,616
It includes pirates
but has some gadgets.
122
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,553
If Roger were here, Jeannie Gold
would tell you to listen
123
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,254
to what the bride wants,
124
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,957
and Nerfer doesn't want
future pirates!
125
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:53,093
Jeannie Gold would
help me kick your ass
126
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,864
because she knows
that steampunk isn't future!
127
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,900
It's an alternate timeline
where technology
128
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,570
developed differently,
you piece of shit!
129
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:03,937
Aah!
Aah!
130
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,374
[ Country music playing ]
131
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:12,312
I love dancing
barefoot here.
132
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:16,617
I can feel the peanut shells
crunch beneath my toes.
133
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,886
Hey!
That guy pinched my ass.
134
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,889
He's going to eat
some Dick fist.
135
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:22,856
Ugh!
136
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,158
[ Grunting, screaming ]
137
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,294
Stop it!
Dick, stop it.
138
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,329
That guy didn't really pinch
my ass.
139
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,631
[ Glass shatters ]
Dick, this guy
140
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,766
just threw a glass at you.
141
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,002
Hey, Jeff.
You here to ride Clip Clop?
142
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,070
Every Tuesday
at midnight.
143
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:40,374
Clippy Cloppy, I've got
a dirty carrot for...
144
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,643
[ Gasps ] Oh, no.
145
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,011
Clip Clop's gone!
146
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:50,951
As soon as I bang my gavel,
you will be sentenced to death
147
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,786
unless, of course,
something crazy happens
148
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,522
in the next five seconds.
Five, four...
149
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,523
[ Door opens ]
Steve: Wait!
150
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:56,524
[ Crowd gasping ]
151
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,325
This man is innocent!
152
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,326
Who are you?
153
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,262
We're Wheels and...
154
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,797
Legman?
155
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:06,834
He's supposed to be here
with the evidence.
156
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,268
Oh, well.
157
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:13,340
10,000 volts for
Mr. No-Bicycle-Helmet here.
158
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:18,646
**
159
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,148
Do you think this is
what Heaven's like?
160
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:24,752
No. Heaven's got
way more birds.
161
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,661
The Smiths!
As I live and breathe.
162
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:34,695
What has it been,
163
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,564
10 years?
Try a decade.
164
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,232
We're having one of our famous
all-family meetings.
165
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,568
Say no more.
166
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,571
I'll bring you each
a glass of marinara.
167
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,340
I call this family meeting
to order.
168
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,077
Roger's relationship
with Dick has consumed him.
169
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,545
He's flaking
on all of us!
170
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,946
He's losing
himself in Dick.
171
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,381
We need
to break them up.
172
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,017
But Roger will never
break up with Dick.
173
00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,353
We need Dick to break up
with him, but how?
174
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:04,224
What if we bribe Dick with,
I don't know, Kit Kats?
175
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,326
Klaus, I'm curious.
176
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,561
Why not money?
177
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,530
I'm curious,
too, Steve.
178
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,965
If I know one thing
about Dick,
179
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:14,468
it's that he hates
getting cheated on.
180
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,637
Is there anything there?
Wait a second.
181
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:20,207
Klaus recently became
amazing at Photoshop.
182
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,477
He could make it look like
Becky has been cheating on Dick.
183
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,012
Is this true, Klaus?
184
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,279
Is it true that
you've recently
185
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,715
become amazing
at Photoshop?
186
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,149
Let me put it this way.
187
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,652
I've recently become
amazing at Photoshop.
188
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,920
Perfect.
189
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,623
On to our next
order of business.
190
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,158
Steven Smith is motioning
that his new nickname
191
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,460
is Bayou Billy
With The Heavy Balls.
192
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,461
All those in favor?
193
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,996
All: Aye.
194
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:45,933
Congratulations, Bayou Billy
With the Heavy Balls.
195
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,737
On my way to work,
196
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,705
I bought a bunch
of new ropes for my boat.
197
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:54,274
I'm talking
really good ropes.
198
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,777
Damn, Dick.
These sound like great ropes.
199
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,345
Please tell me
you got pics.
200
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:02,082
Better than pics,
I have the ropes.
201
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,551
They're here?
202
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,152
Dick, I've been
really happy for you
203
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,787
over the last
couple weeks,
204
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,256
over the Moon honestly,
but you're my best friend.
205
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,291
I am?
For this situation, yes,
206
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,594
and I can't lie
to my best friend.
207
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,930
I was on the Googz doing some
"I Feel Lucky" searches,
208
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,733
and I stumbled across
a pretty disturbing image.
209
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,636
I don't know.
210
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:25,573
It's Becky,
but this looks old.
211
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,609
I'm not naive enough to think
she never dated before me.
212
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:33,113
Wait. Look at the guy
holding the newspaper.
213
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,514
"Two Days Ago"?!
214
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,217
How could she?!
215
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,626
Dick dumped me.
216
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,827
He stomped on my heart
217
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,528
and wouldn't even
tell me why.
218
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,030
Do you think it was
because I had to
219
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,332
stop sex once because I had
a hair in my throat,
220
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,500
and when I finally
got it out,
221
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,035
it was
a whole eagle feather?
222
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,905
[ Sobs ]
223
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,773
Well, we did
an underhanded thing,
224
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:01,675
but I'd say it's
pretty clear that life
225
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,310
is going to go
back to normal.
226
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,680
I will never,
ever get over this!
227
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,049
Oh, hey, Francine.
228
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,351
I just wanted to make sure
you were doing okay
229
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,186
after Becky's
big breakup.
230
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,823
Oh, wasn't that so fun?
She was devastated.
231
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,725
What a great ending
to her story.
232
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,727
Whenever a character's
story arc is over,
233
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,662
I vacuum seal
their costume
234
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,463
and store it in
my character closet.
235
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,965
One thing they don't
tell you about these
236
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,867
vacuum pouches is
you can save a ton of money
237
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,869
by not buying the pump.
238
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,403
[ Inhales ]
239
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,707
One thing they don't
tell you about these
240
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,876
vacuum pouches is you can
save a ton of money
241
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,144
by not buying the pump.
242
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,580
[ Inhales ]
243
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,885
Well, I'm glad to see
you're back to your old self.
244
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:48,188
How can Mr. Taffarelli
not be an all-timer?
245
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,390
He was so shy.
246
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,560
Good to have
you back, Legman.
247
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,329
So I ran that hair we found
at the scene of the crime.
248
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,732
You know how we thought
no man could kick that hard?
249
00:09:58,766 --> 00:09:59,900
We were right.
250
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,169
It was a kangaroo.
251
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,371
You're a hell of
a private...
252
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,240
[ Sobbing ] Dick.
253
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,944
Jeannie, I'm glad you're here
'cause last night,
254
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,946
it hit me --
the perfect thing
255
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,148
for Nerfer's
bachelorette party --
256
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,684
strippers!
257
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,720
Ooh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
258
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,254
Are we talking
full frontal?
259
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,422
Because I want
to see some...
260
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,659
[ Sobbing ] Dick.
261
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,696
We have fun.
Don't we, Clippy?
262
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,566
[ Grunting ]
263
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,135
Chargers are stupid.
264
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,137
Raider Dave, get in here!
265
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,239
I'm not in
the right head space.
266
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,208
Just punch him
in the balls for me.
267
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,243
It's the area
right under his...
268
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,613
[ Sobs ]
269
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,450
What are we doing
at BDB's?
270
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,319
We only come here
when there's a problem,
271
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,653
and everything's fine.
272
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,255
Roger, we need to talk.
273
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,091
We think Becky's breakup
with Dick is affecting you.
274
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,492
Why would you
think that?
275
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,629
Because all of your
characters are sad.
276
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,465
During our meeting, Jeannie Gold
recommended a stripper
277
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:09,136
who only dances to
Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car."
278
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,938
Jeff said
Clip Clop cried.
279
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,873
Now he thinks horses
have human feelings
280
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:14,742
and should
be allowed to vote.
281
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:18,111
[ Sniffles ] Becky was my most
vulnerable persona.
282
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:21,014
Her pain must be
affecting my other characters.
283
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:23,516
Oh, we would like to
offer you our authentic
284
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,685
Taste of Tuscany
appetizer.
285
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,588
Taste of Tuscany?
Wait a second.
286
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,391
Last year, my book club
tried to force me to read
287
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,993
"Under the Tuscan Sun."
288
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,495
Luckily, I found out
it was a movie just in time.
289
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:39,299
But it taught me
a valuable lesson.
290
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,035
If you're down,
go to Tuscany,
291
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,204
and you'll be
magically fixed.
292
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,840
Do you think Tuscany's
magic can fix Becky?
293
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:49,109
I do.
Oh, yeah!
294
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,044
-Oh, yeah!
-Oh, yeah!
295
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,512
-Oh, yeah!
-Oh, yeah!
296
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,713
-Oh, yeah!
-Oh, yeah!
297
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:57,150
[ Italian music playing ]
298
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:58,952
That house.
299
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,754
Stop the bus.
300
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,089
Stop the bus!
301
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:09,396
Sad lady, I will
teach you Italiana.
302
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:12,232
Only then will you be able
to stop the bus.
303
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:15,969
**
304
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:35,856
[ Bird squawking ]
305
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,024
[ Gasps ]
306
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,599
[ Tires squeal ]
307
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,205
Good thing you
learned Italian.
308
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:58,979
**
309
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,548
Francine, wake up.
Wake up!
310
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,785
Last night, the most
wondrous thing happened.
311
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,554
I couldn't sleep,
so I went into town,
312
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,422
and you remember
that hunky single guy
313
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,059
who owns the Italian
soda shop, Marioigi?
314
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,760
No.
315
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,562
We've only been here
for 12 hours.
316
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,930
We fell in love!
317
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,331
And we screwed!
318
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,467
Bella, I love you!
319
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,701
I must go now.
320
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:24,004
[ Moaning ]
321
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:27,207
But then I realized
I'm a strong, independent woman.
322
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,476
I don't need to be defined
by a single man.
323
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,244
-Ciao, bella.
-Mi amore.
324
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:32,913
-Principessa!
-Mangia, mangia.
325
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,414
-Mi amore!
-Tutta bella!
326
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,748
-Principessa!
-Cara mia!
327
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,150
-Ciao, bella!
-Mangia, mangia,
328
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,785
che ti fa bene!
Mwah.
329
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,720
Did you sleep
with all these...
330
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,721
[ Horn beeps ]
331
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:42,990
-Aye!
-Oh!
332
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,324
[ Horn beeping ]
333
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,559
[ All shouting in Italian ]
334
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,361
You were right
to bring me here.
335
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,497
In Tuscany,
I found the one thing
336
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,832
I was looking
for -- me.
337
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,602
I'm all better now.
Let's cream out of here.
338
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,105
[ Lasers firing ]
339
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,941
Van Smash,
how's it hanging?!
340
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:03,043
To the left down my pants
and up the other leg.
341
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,245
Ha! If you speak true,
342
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,848
then you must have
the lengthiest of johnsons.
343
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:11,084
Good to have you back,
Van Smash.
344
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,154
I'm glad you're here
345
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,623
because we've got
another special guest,
346
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:19,859
my new girl,
Linda Vulnerabella.
347
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:23,030
Black bra, see-through
shirt, pure class.
348
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:24,864
Chic, chic, chic.
349
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,834
Like I always say,
nobody who lives on a boat
350
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,636
can stay dry for long,
351
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:32,639
and I mean that in two ways.
[ Grunts ]
352
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,041
How'd you two meet?
353
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,377
We met [laughs] at
the marina bait shop,
354
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,711
and he took me
to this bar called...
355
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,348
Barnacles?!
That was our bar!
356
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,051
I've never been to Barnacles
with you, Van Smash.
357
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,652
Yeah, Van Smash,
358
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,521
what are you talking
about, Van Smash?
359
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,990
Oh, yeah.
I'm Van Smash.
360
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,692
Um, Linda,
what's your deal?
361
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,361
You like porn?
You like Deadpool?
362
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,563
You like something else?
Like all women,
363
00:14:56,596 --> 00:15:00,033
I enjoy the wit and wisdom
of Chester Cheetah.
364
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,402
Isn't she great?
Mwah.
365
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,005
Did our time together
mean nothing? [ Grunts ]
366
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,074
Dick is always getting
it in. Ah!
367
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,176
I didn't realize you were
such a womanizer!
368
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,244
Ah! Womanizer?
I hardly know her.
369
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,380
Ah!
You're a snake, Dick.
370
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,049
Ah! I'll show you
a snake, my snake.
371
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:18,918
Van Smash is hilarious.
372
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,654
I had no idea he had
a personality disorder.
373
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,756
So funny!
374
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,226
Sorry I had to whack you,
little guy,
375
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,061
but hopefully
you got some closure.
376
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,729
Tomorrow, I'll take you
to the laundromat
377
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,598
and let you ride
around in the dryer.
378
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,233
That always
cheers you up.
379
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,835
Will you put a red sock
in there with me?
380
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,504
Maybe I'll come out
a little pink.
381
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,938
No problem, buddy,
382
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,440
but you're not going
to turn pink.
383
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:43,910
But maybe there's
a tiny chance.
384
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,578
Maybe.
Get some sleep.
385
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,047
[ Smooches ]
386
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,284
[ Door closes ]
387
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,652
Psych!
388
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,321
I ain't going to sleep...
389
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,924
until Dick pays
for what he did.
390
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,163
Sheesh, hope this hit man's
better at shooting people
391
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,631
than he is at being on time.
392
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,765
Oh, there you are.
393
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,600
Here it is.
394
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,136
I want him dead.
395
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,671
Consider it done.
396
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,446
Back of the line,
buddy.
397
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,647
I just need
to check on him.
398
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:21,981
He kind of freaked out
when he saw
399
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,450
Dick with a new girl
last night.
400
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,917
I don't
think he's awake.
401
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,653
I've been waiting an hour
to update the Legman
402
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,421
on the case
of the unsolved mystery.
403
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:29,789
Together: We're meeting
Jeannie Gold
404
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,124
to sample pirate cakes.
405
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,525
Something's wrong.
406
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:35,395
I'm going in.
Follow me if you dare.
407
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,797
You came.
You're braver than I thought.
408
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,599
Smith, thank God
you're home.
409
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,135
Last night, the world's
most dangerous assassin
410
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:45,305
landed in Langley.
411
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:49,142
He tried to go unnoticed,
but he can't get by our boys.
412
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,112
Our best guess is that he's been
contracted to kill
413
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,646
Mayor Garfield
at his first annual
414
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,183
Mayor's Appreciation
Parade.
415
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,285
Want to know
how we guessed it?
416
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,786
More photos!
417
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,222
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
418
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,523
I'll head there
right away, sir.
419
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,158
No need.
420
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:08,295
The mayor is safe because
Dick is his head of security.
421
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,298
I was just passing by
on the way to steal lemons
422
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,900
from the tops
of all the farmer's trees.
423
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:18,338
Okay, Miranda!
It's lemon-snatching time!
424
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,973
I don't think Roger is planning
on killing the mayor.
425
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,342
He's planning
on killing Dick.
426
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,443
Yeah, that was
pretty obvious.
427
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,811
That's what I would do.
428
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,180
Well, maybe you will be
surprised to learn
429
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,915
that it's up to us
to stop him.
430
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,550
Again, totally
expected.
431
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,119
Klaus already went downstairs
to warm up the car.
432
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:33,253
[ Cheering ]
433
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:36,823
Everyone I ever loved is dead!
434
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:43,530
**
435
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,832
[ Tires squeal ]
436
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,534
How the hell are we
going to find Roger?
437
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,701
I have an idea.
438
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,039
[ French accent ]
What the hell did I do?
439
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,741
[ Cellphone rings ]
440
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:55,975
[ Line ringing ]
441
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,611
Hello, Mr. CIA.
That's right.
442
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,047
I know who you are,
but you'll never find me.
443
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,682
Yes, I will.
444
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,517
You shared your phone's
location services with me
445
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,420
that time you went
roller blading on mushrooms.
446
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,588
Damn it!
447
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,589
Fly.
448
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,224
Lead them to Atlanta.
449
00:18:11,258 --> 00:18:13,059
They'll totally believe
I'm in Atlanta.
450
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,761
I've been dying to go.
451
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:18,030
[ Door opens ]
452
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:19,366
I'm in Atlanta.
453
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,533
Roger, stop.
454
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,369
Sorry, Mr. CIA.
455
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:26,573
I was hired to finish job,
and I always finish job.
456
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,874
You don't have
to do this.
457
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,109
We tricked Dick
into dumping you.
458
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,444
What? How?
459
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,112
Klaus Photoshopped
a photo
460
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,481
of you cheating on him.
461
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:35,715
We were annoyed at you
for ditching us
462
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,450
just so Becky
could be with Dick.
463
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:41,221
So we did something stupid,
but Dick didn't do anything.
464
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,089
Kill me instead!
465
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,457
No, no.
Stop that.
466
00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:46,859
Knowing all this,
it would seem silly to...
467
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,127
Do it, Rogertilda!
468
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,365
You dumbasses
forgot one thing.
469
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,034
Always check for a cage
in the air.
470
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,470
Welcome to Atlanta.
471
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,140
Dick!
472
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,909
You look trim.
473
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:06,246
My secret,
no bulletproof vest.
474
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,316
Wait!
I changed my mind.
475
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,583
I don't want you
to kill him.
476
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,051
You can't change
your mind.
477
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,487
I have a strict
"no-mind-changing" policy.
478
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,488
But I love him!
479
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,457
And I love my job.
480
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,891
Stop!
481
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,294
You shouldn't
have done that.
482
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,795
You don't have to kill Dick.
483
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,096
Yes, I do.
484
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,065
Every persona
has a story to tell.
485
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,601
But I don't want my story
to end like this.
486
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,303
Raider Dave!
487
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:33,340
My story ends
when I finish my job.
488
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:40,280
[ Grunting ]
489
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,981
Please!
490
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:48,321
This ends now.
491
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:54,461
No-o-o-o-o-o-o!
492
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,628
[ Crowd gasping ]
493
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,696
Becky!
494
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,032
Becky, don't die.
495
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:01,501
I love you.
496
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,702
I'm so sorry.
497
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,804
It's okay, Dick.
498
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,006
This is how our story ends.
499
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,975
We'll always have Barnacles.
500
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:09,976
No!
501
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,378
No!
502
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,046
Stay with me, Becky!
503
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,083
Just promise me
one thing, Dick.
504
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:19,452
Promise me you'll
mourn me forever
505
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,988
and never love
anyone else.
506
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,990
Uh, okay.
507
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,559
And get a face tattoo
of my face.
508
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,661
That way, everyone
will know you're taken.
509
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:29,996
Shh.
510
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:33,333
That's not a yes.
511
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,834
I'm not dying until
I hear a...
512
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,703
[ Groans ]
513
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:41,240
[ Sobs ]
514
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,677
Is anyone else thinking this
was Roger's plan all along?
515
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,178
Like, Dick was never
in danger?
516
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,914
Yeah.
Roger is weird.
517
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,816
What's shaking,
blowholes?
518
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,151
You guys want to go to
my friend Brandon's funeral?
519
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,053
Dude bit it
in an ATV accident.
520
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,522
They're getting
a taco truck.
521
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,023
There's going to be
tons of chicks there.
522
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,826
I'm down if Bayou Billy
With The Heavy Balls is.
523
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:02,161
Oh, yeah!
524
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,397
Bye. Have a beautiful time!
36738
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
