Original subtitles

[ Laughing ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Animal ] SORRY. HMM. SHEESH.

[ Squawking ]

[ Panting ]

OOH ! OOH !

WAIT FOR ME !

HOLD THE BOAT !

I'M COMING !

NOAH ! MR. THE ARK, I'M HERE.

OH, BARELY MADE IT. FOR A MINUTE, I THOUGHT YOU'D LEAVE WITHOUT--

OH, OH. GEE, MR. NOAH... SIR.

I'M GONNA COME TOO.

WHAT ARE YOU ANYWAY ?

OH. GOOD QUESTION.

TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, LET'S SAY, PUT ME DOWN AS A "WHATEVER."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? WHAT IS YOUR SPECIES ?

WELL, I-I--

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME.

THEN YOU ARE DOOMED ! [ Gasps ]

[ Thunderclaps ]

WAIT, WAIT ! OH.

[ Door Opens ] HUH ?

UM-- YES, SIR ?

YOU MAY NEED THIS.

BUT, BUT, BUT--

BUT ?

OOH !

OH... NO !

NO !

NO, NO, NO !

I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE !

NO !

[ Muttering ] NO, NO.

NO, I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE. NO, NO.

- NO ! - [ Screams ]

I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE !

YOU'RE NOT ALONE. WHO SAID THAT ?

GEE, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT'S THE RAT WHO'S HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW !

- RIZZO ? - NO, IT'S SANTA. BUT I FORGOT MY REINDEER.

I'M SORRY, RIZZO. YEAH, RIGHT.

AH, BOY. I HAD THAT WEIRD DREAM AGAIN.

OH, YEAH ? THE ONE WITH THE GOAT, THE DWARF AND THE JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER ?

NO, IT WAS THE ONE WHERE-- AH, FORGET ABOUT IT. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

I'D UNDERSTAND ! COME ON, WE'RE ROOMMATES.

HEY... HEY, HEY. I'M HERE FOR YOU, MAN.

WELL, OKAY. IT'S THE ONE WHERE I'M TALKING TO THIS NOAH GUY.

AND HE WON'T LET ME ON HIS BOAT BECAUSE I'M ALL...

[ Snoring ]

ALONE.

GOOD NIGHT, RIZZO.

- [ Clucking ] - [ Alarm Ringing ]

- [ Whistle Blowing ] - [ Buzzing ]

[ Ringing ]

AHH !

MORNING !

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE

SHE'S MIGHTY MIGHTY JUST LETTIN' IT ALL HANG OUT

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE

THE LADY'S STACKED AND THAT'S A FACT HEY, MAN.

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE [ Grumbling ]

[ Screams ]

WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER EVERYBODY KNOWS

THIS IS HOW THE STORY GOES [ Grunts ]

[ Growling ] AHH !

[ Growling Continues ]

OH ! AH !

HOW CAN SHE USE THE THINGS SHE USE

36-24-36 WHAT A WINNING HAND [ Toilet Flushes ]

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE

SHE'S MIGHTY MIGHTY JUST LETTIN' IT ALL HANG OUT

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE

THE LADY'S STACKED AND THAT'S A FACT

AIN'T HOLDIN' NOTHING BACK

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE

[ Yelling ]

[ Yelling Continues ]

[ Grunting ]

I DO IT ALL FOR YOU, LADIES.

[ Grunts ] [ Squawks ]

SHE'S A BRICK HOUSE

THE LADY'S STACKED AND THAT'S A FACT

AIN'T HOLDIN' NOTHING BACK

SHAKE IT DOWN, SHAKE IT DOWN SHAKE IT DOWN NOW

SHAKE IT DOWN, SHAKE IT DOWN SHAKE IT DOWN NOW SHAKE IT

SCRUNCH IT AND RIGHT, THEN LEFT.

SUCK IN THOSE TUMMIES, LADIES.

HMM ? HUH ?

OH, A BRICK

HOUSE

THAT WAS GREAT. WAY TO GET DOWN WITH YOUR BAD SELVES.

PASS THE BAGEL. GOOD MORNING, ROWLF. GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. GOOD MORNING, KERMIT.

HELLO, LITTLE PEOPLE !

WHAT AN ABSOLUTELY SPLENDID DAY !

HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING ? OH, LATE ! I START MY FABULOUS NEW JOB TODAY.

WE MEGASTAR TV JOURNALISTS HAVE TO BE PUNCTUAL, YOU KNOW.

TV JOURNALIST ? SINCE WHEN-- GOT TO RUN. BYE, KERMIE. KISSIE, KISSIE.

[ Humming ]

IS BREAKFAST OVER ? NO. WHY ?

'CAUSE I THINK THE BACON JUST RAN OUT. [ Laughing ]

THE RASPBERRY FLAPOVERS WILL BE OUT IN A MOMENT.

HEY, UNCLE KERMIT, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW THAT YOU'RE ON VACATION ?

ROBIN, AS SOON AS I GET THOSE HOUSEPAINTERS STARTED,

I'M GOING TO KICK BACK AND RELAX. KERMIT ?

WHEN WILL YOU FIX THE OVEN ? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE OVEN ?

-[ Explosion ] - THAT.

YURSKI BURSKI POPOVERS KABOOFED !

I'LL PUT IT ON THE TOP OF MY LIST.

THERE IS A MENU CORRECTION, OKAY ?

WE WILL NOW BE SERVING BOLOGNA SANDWICHES.

[ Everyone Grumbling ] BUT NO BREAD.

- EEW ! - I'M ALREADY GONE.

GONZO, AREN'T YOU PERFORMING AT THAT BAR MITZVAH TODAY ?

NAH. THE ELECTRIC MAYHEM'S COVERING FOR ME.

SHALOM !

[ Grunting ] OY !

BUT YOU NEVER MISS THE CHANCE TO SHOOT YOURSELF OUT OF A CANNON. SOMETHING WRONG ?

NAH. OKAY.

IT'S JUST THAT I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A ONE-OF-A-KIND FREAK.

GONZO, YOU ARE NOT A ONE-OF-A-KIND FREAK. YOU'RE A--

A-- A WHATEVER ?

WELL... YEAH. YOU SEE ?

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I CAME FROM OR WHO I AM.

YO, KERM. YOU WEREN'T WAITING FOR SOME HOUSEPAINTERS, WERE YOU ?

YEAH. THEY'RE JUST DRIVING AWAY.

- WHAT ? - ANIMAL BIT ONE OF 'EM.

OH, NO ! WAIT, GUYS !

DON'T LET 'EM GO !

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, GONZO ?

WHAT ?

DISTINCT. [ Car Engine Revving ]

[ Kermit ] WAIT, GUYS. HE DIDN'T MEAN IT. HE'S JUST A MUSICIAN.

[ Animal ] MUSICIAN ! MUSICIAN !

[ Gonzo ] DISTINCT, HUH ? MORE LIKE EXTINCT.

OOPS.

[ Gonzo ] "WATCH THE SKY" ?

HEY ! HEY !

RIZZO, COME HERE. I THINK MY KAP'N ALPHABET IS SENDING ME A MESSAGE.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I HAD SOME GUACAMOLE AND IT'S STILL SPEAKING TO ME.

NO, NO, REALLY ! LOOK, LOOK. I'M NOT KIDDING.

IT WAS THERE JUST A SECOND AGO. I SWEAR, RIZZO. IT SAID, "WATCH THE SKY."

ARE YOU SURE IT DIDN'T SAY "YOU NEED HELP" ?

BUT, BUT--

MAYBE YOU AND YOUR CEREAL WOULD LIKE TO BE ALONE.

[ Grunting ] OH, BOY !

MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME

IT'S O-S-C-A-R

COOL !

HUH.

"ARE YOU THERE ?"

RIZZO !

[ Rentro ] "C.O.V.N.E.T. TOP SECRET NATIONAL SECURITY FACILITY.

"MISSION: INVESTIGATE THREAT OF EXTRATERRESTRIAL ATTACK.

CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A CEMENT FACTORY."

[ Sinister Laugh ]

GENERAL LUFT, WELCOME. I'M ON A SCHEDULE, SINGER. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ?

HARD EVIDENCE. WE FINALLY GOT 'EM.

[ Singer Over Intercom ] RENTRO ? YES, SIR ?

THE REMOTE.

THE GOAT ?

THE REMOTE ! THE REMOTE !

THE REMOTE. I THOUGHT HE SAID "THE GOAT."

OVER THE PAST FEW MONTHS,

WE HAVE RECEIVED SOME UNUSUAL COMMUNICATIONS.

COMMUNICATIONS, SIR, THAT ARE NOT OF THIS EARTH. REALLY ?

SORRY ABOUT THAT, GENERAL. HERE YOU GO. HERE'S YOUR REMOTE.

THANK YOU, RENTRO.

[ Singer ] WE BELIEVE THAT ALIENS ARE USING A CONTACT ON EARTH...

TO PLAN THEIR INVASION.

THIS SAME MESSAGE, "ARE YOU THERE,"

HAS APPEARED ALL OVER THE WORLD.

WE'VE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO CAPTURE THESE INSTANCES ON FILM.

THE PYRAMID AT GIZA.

STONEHENGE.

OKAY, THIS ONE SAYS...

"ARE YOU THREE," BUT WE BELIEVE THAT TO BE A SIMPLE SPELLING ERROR.

THIS COULD BE VANDALISM, A PRACTICAL JOKE.

NOW, YOU SEE THAT ? THAT'S WHAT I SAID, GENERAL.

THESE PHOTOS ARE--

I'LL JUST BE OVER HERE THEN. RIGHT THIS WAY, GENERAL.

WHEN I PLOTTED THESE ANOMALIES SEQUENTIALLY, A PATTERN EMERGED.

A SPIRAL.

DO YOU SEE THE SPIRAL ?

SIR, THEY ARE OUT THERE. THEY ARE COMING HERE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE HERE ?

WELL, SIR, I HAVE AN INKLING. BUBKES !

"BUBKES" ? GOOD DAY.

BUT, SIR, WE HAVE TO TAKE ACTION NOW.

SINGER, I HIRED YOU TO FIND ME AN ALIEN.

AND YOU BRING ME DOCTORED PHOTOS AND A SPIRAL.

YOU ARE ON THIN ICE, BOY.

I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU. I THOUGHT YOUR PRESENTATION WAS JUST WONDERFUL.

AND-- HMM.

YEAH.

OOP, THERE IT IS.

ROBERTA. DOLORES. NO.

WHOO ! SHANNANAY ! [ Chuckles ]

YO, KERM, WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THE BILLS ?

JUST LEAVE 'EM INSIDE. ALL RIGHT.

GONZO, DO YOU WANT YOUR NEW ISSUE OFINSANITY FAIR ?

[ Gonzo ] NAH, I'LL GET IT LATER.

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Clock Chiming ] WHAT IS HE DOING UP THERE ?

HIS BREAKFAST CEREAL TOLD HIM TO SIT ON THE ROOF.

OOH ! TALK ABOUT WHOLE GRAIN AND NUTS !

COOL !

AAH !

WHOA !

HEY, HEY. YEAH !

WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR

COOL !

YOUR DREAMS WILL TAKE YOU VERY FAR, YEAH [ Imitates Motor Revving ]

WHEN YOU WISH UPON A DREAM [ Laughing ]

LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS WHAT IT SEEMS, OH YEAH

SHINING STAR WHOA !

THIS COULD BE PAINFUL !

[ Laughing ] IT IS ! IT IS !

GONZO ! GONZO !

LOOK AT GONZO !

[ Together ] GREETINGS, MR. GONZO ! GREETINGS !

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS ? SPACE FISH ?

WE ARE COSMIC KNOWLEDGE FISH. WE KNOW MANY, MANY THINGS.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA ? NO, THANKS.

MR. GONZO, YOUR PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU.

MY PEOPLE ? ARE THEY FISH TOO ?

[ Together ] NO, NO, NO, NO.

WE ARE NOT THE SAME AS YOU. WE ARE HIGHLY EVOLVED BEINGS.

NOW, IF-- WHAT WAS I SAYING ? MY PEOPLE.

OH, YES ! EXCELLENT !

YOU MUST MOW THE LAWN IF YOU WISH TO FIND WHAT YOU SEEK.

I SHOULD MOW THE LAWN ? MMM.

A LAWN THAT IS CUT IN YOUR OWN WORDS, GONZO.

A MESSAGE THAT CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE. SO TRIM IT WELL.

GOOD-BYE, GONZO. AND MAY THE FISH BE WITH YOU.

THANKS, GUYS. THANKS FOR THE COSMIC KNOWLEDGE.

GOOD-BYE, MR. GONZO.

WHAT YOUR LIFE CAN TRULY BE

AAH !

[ Grunting ]

[ Laughing ]

THAT'S IT !

COME ON, RIZZO. IT'S TIME TO BET, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, PRAWN CRACKER. I'LL SEE YOUR MARYLAND CRAB CAKES...

AND I'LL RAISE YOU A 1958 CHEDDAR CHEESE, NEVER BEEN SNIFFED !

CRAB CAKES AND CHEESE, HUH ? CAN'T BEAT THAT.

HEY, GUYS ! THE COSMIC FISH HAVE SPOKEN TO ME.

I'M FROM OUTER SPACE ! OH, YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S GREAT.

[ Rizzo ] PEPE, ARE YOU IN OR OUT ? SI,I'M IN.

I'M AN ALIEN ! HAVE YOU BEEN TAP DANCING ON THE BARBECUE AGAIN ?

NO, NO, RIZZO. I'M JUST FINE. [ Screaming ]

WHOA ! WHOO, WHOO, WHOO ! MY CARDS !

SOMEBODY GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER. NOT MY CARDS !

OH, NO, NO !

GONZO, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY ?

YEAH, YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. BUT I HAVE TO RESPOND.

GOTTA MAKE CONTACT ! AH !

- WHERE'S HE GOING WITH THOSE KEYS ? - WHO CARES ? FLYING SAUCER.

DOSDEUCES. THE PRAWN CRACKER WINS.

PAIR OF TWOS ! I SWEAR, I HAD FOUR ACES !

I REALLY DID ! YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO HOLD IT

NO, NO, NO ! KNOW WHEN TO FOLD IT KNOW WHEN TO--

- [ Lawn Mower Engine Starting ] - [ Gonzo ] YEOW !

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING DANCE AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING AND DANCE, SING IT NOW

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING DANCE AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING AND TRY TO RELEASE THAT PRESSURE

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING SHAKE AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING AND SHAKE SAY IT NOW

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING AND TRY TO RELEASE THAT PRESSURE

WAIT A MINUTE HOLD IT

[ Rentro ] WELL, JUST A FEW THINGS FOR TODAY, SIR.

LET'S SEE. OH, HERE'S A WINNER.

YOURPLATINUM BUNS WORKOUT TAPE.

[ Laughing ]

AND LET'S SEE. THAT NEW SATELLITE PHOTO IS HERE.

MY CAPTAIN KANGAROO PAJAMAS. WHAT ? WHAT SATELLITE PHOTO ?

HUH ?

"I AM HERE"...

MOWED IN THE LAWN.

WHO DID THIS ?

THIS IS NOT GOOD. NO.

POOR GUY ! HE'S HALLUCINATIN'. GETTIN' WEIRD MESSAGES.

HEARING THINGS. HE LISTENS TO VOICES AND DOES WHAT THEY SAY.

HOLD YOUR HORSES. WHAT ?

I THINK I'VE GOT AN IDEA. YOU'RE SCARY.

OKAY. YEAH. I HAVE TO CALL LUFT. OOH !

- WAIT. CAREFUL. - CAREFUL.

BABY STEPS. BABY STEPS.

- WE NEED MORE EVIDENCE. - MORE EVIDENCE !

REMEMBER. WE'RE JUST WATCHING. WATCHING.

AND WAITING. WAITING.

[ Snoring ]

[ Pepe ] BUILD IT AND WE WILL COME !

BUILD WHAT ?

BUILD A JACUZZI AND WE WILL COME, OKAY.

[ Laughing ] SHH.

I'M UP. I'M UP.

[ Grunts ]

MUST BUILD JACUZZI.

[ Laughing ] WELL DONE, PAL.

GRACIAS, AMIGO.

[ Music, Laughter, Chattering ]

PUT A LITTLE MORE PAPRIKA ON THOSE, OKAY ? THANK YOU.

WELL, THAT'S EVERYTHING.

[ Laughing ] WHOA !

HE BUILT IT. AND WE CAME.

ALL RIGHT, REMEMBER. I BUILT THIS NEW JACUZZI FOR MY ALIEN FAMILY,

SO PLEASE NO EATING IN THE SPA.

WE GOTTA TELL HIM THE TRUTH, PEPE.

YOU TELL HIM, AND I WILL SMACK YOU.

I WILL SMACK YOU LIKE A BAD, BAD DONKEY, OKAY.

SAL. YEAH, JOHNNY.

THERE ARE NO CANNOLIS HERE. YEAH, BUT HAVE YOU TRIED THIS CAKE ? THIS IS A BEAUTY.

THAT IS NICE ! WOULD YOU-- GONZO, GONZO !

HEY, GO EASY ON THE BUFFET, FELLAS. I JUST WANT--

WHO CUT THE CAKE ? WHO CUT THE CAKE ! WHAT ?

WHO CUT IT ? I DON'T BELIEVE THAT !

WHO CUT THIS CAKE ? WHO WOULD'VE-- THAT'S AWFUL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THE GUESTS OF HONOR AREN'T EVEN HERE YET.

HEY, GREAT PARTY ! YEAH.

I JUST WISH THEY'D GET HERE.

[ Sal ] HEY, YOU, DID YOU CUT GONZO'S CAKE ?

[ Waldorf ] I WONDER IF THERE REALLY IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS.

WHAT DO YOU CARE ? YOU DON'T HAVE A LIFE ON THIS PLANET.

[ Laughing ] [ Laughing, Groaning ]

[ TV Announcer ] EARTH, ARE YOU READY ? THE GALAXY CHANNEL PRESENTS...

U.F.O. MANIA LIVE, WITH CLOSE ENCOUNTER EXPERT SHELLEY SNIPES.

HELLO, I'M SHELLEY SNIPES.

COMING UP ONU.F.O. MANIA LIVE,

I'LL BE TAKING A HARD LOOK AT SOME COMPELLING NEW DATA.

HAVE YOU SEEN SOMETHING IN THE SKY, BUT WERE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT IT ?

[ Gonzo ] I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP LAST NIGHT.

PERHAPS WE CAN BE OF ASSISTANCE.

WE CAN HELP YOU CONTACT YOUR ALIEN BRETHREN...

BY BOOSTING YOUR NEWLY-ENHANCED CONDUCTIVITY.

[ Bunsen ] OKAY, BEAKIE, LET HER RIP !

ME-ME-EE. WHOO-HOO-HOO !

WAIT A MINUTE. I THINK I'M PICKING UP A SIGNAL.

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO !

[ Snipes ] IF YOU HAVE HAD CONTACT WITH AN ALIEN...

OR IF YOU ARE AN ALIEN AND WANT TO TELL YOUR STORY,

WRITE TO US OR COME TO OUR STUDIO.

[ Snipes Over Speaker ] ...OR COME TO OUR STUDIO AT 6577 BROADCAST LANE NOW.

THE MOTHER SHIP IS CALLING ME HOME !

[ Gasps ] [ Laughing ] THANKS, GUYS.

OH, THE MOTHER SHIP ! IT WORKED. THE MOTHER SHIP.

[ Laughing ] GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. BEAKER ?

YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO TELL HIM.

PEPE, THE JACUZZI THING WAS YOUR IDEA, AND YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM.

SI. I WILL TELL HIM. RIGHT. HERE HE COMES.

THEY ARE CALLING ME ! HEY, GONZO--

I CAN'T TALK NOW.

YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM. I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO. YOU WERE !

YOU SAID YOU WOULD. WHEN I SAID "YOU," I MEANT YOU.

SO FUNKY

YO, WHAT'S UP GET UP OFF OF THAT THING

AND DANCE AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

GET UP OFF OF THAT THING AND TRY TO RELEASE THAT PRESSURE

HI, GUYS. I'M HERE.

JUST LEAVE THE TRACTOR HERE IN FRONT, OKAY ?

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

THIS IS MISS PIGGY SAYING GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A GREAT--

[ Sandy ] WHERE'S MY COFFEE ?

I-I'M COMING ! COMING !

COMING ! COMING !

HEY, PIGGY, I'LL TAKE ONE.

IN A MINUTE. LIGHT, NO SUGAR.

SHELLEY'S STUCK AT THE AIRPORT. SHE'LL NEVER MAKE IT BACK ON TIME.

OKAY, I AM NOT GONNA PANIC.

WHO AM I KIDDING ? YES, I AM ! NO. NO, I'M NOT.

OKAY, I'M PANICKING. WHO CAN WE POSSIBLY GET AT THE LAST MINUTE ?

[ Miss Piggy Grunting ]

CAPPUCCINO ?

[ Woman ] STAND BY, EVERYBODY. ROLL TAPE PLEASE.

AND CUE I.D.

WE'RE ON IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO--

[ Gasping ]

LOOK ! IT'S PIGGY'S NEW SHOW.

AHH--

READ ! READ !

OH, OH, OH ! "HELLO AGAIN. I'M SHELLEY SNIPES.

TODAY ONU.F.O. MANIA: FLYING SAUCERS AND THEIR EXTRATERRESTRIAL PILOTS."

HMM. WISH I COULD FIND MY PANTS.

[ Pepe ] KERMIT, YOU SHOULD COME TO SEE THIS.

"I'M SURE YOU'VE OFTEN WONDERED...

PIGGY ! WHAT MIGHT THOSE ALIEN CREATURES LOOK LIKE."

PEOPLE OF EARTH, DO NOT BE ALARMED.

MY MESSAGE WILL BE BRIEF.

I AM GONZO.

GONZO ! HMPH ! PIGGY ?

I DON'T HAVE A GONZO.

- THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SORT OF MISTAKE. - BETTER GET DOWN THERE, KERM.

RELAX. NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE, OKAY ?

YOU SEE, I WAS CONTACTED THROUGH MY BREAKFAST CEREAL,

AND LATER IT WAS CONFIRMED TO ME BY THE COSMIC FISH THAT I AM FROM OUTER SPACE.

SO YOU WANNA GO NOW OR WAIT FOR THE COMMERCIAL ?

NOW. COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ? I'M MAKING CONTACT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

- UM-- - INTERVIEW HIM.

I'M INTERVIEWING-- I'M INTERVIEWING YOU !

[ Gonzo ] GREAT ! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW ?

THE WHOLE TEARFUL TALE OF YOUR INNER STRUGGLE, GONZO. OH.

[ Gonzo ] I WANT MY PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT I'VE RECEIVED THEIR MESSAGES.

AND MY RESPONSE TO THEM IS: I AM HERE !

"I AM HERE."

BINGO !

I'M AT 44 BRONSON LANE, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU.

AND I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU.

ME TOO. HE'S VERY CHARISMATIC, DON'T YOU THINK ? FREEZE THAT !

[ Singer ] I WANT HIM HERE AND I WANT HIM NOW. [ Rentro ] YES, SIR.

SO, YOU'RE OUR FANCY LITTLE LANDSCAPER.

- WRAP IT UP. WE'RE GONNA TAKE A BREAK. - OH, OH, YES. [ Chuckles ]

WE ARE GOING TO PAUSE HERE, AND BE RIGHT BACK WITH GONZO, THE GEEK WHO FELL TO EARTH,

WITHMOI,MISS PIGGY. AND WE'RE OUT.

NINETY SECONDS, FOLKS. [ Groans ]

NOW THAT IS TV ! THE PHONES ARE LIGHTING UP LIKE VEGAS.

WHAT POWER ! WHAT HEAT. YOU'RE A HIT ! OH, THANK YOU !

- NOT YOU ! HIM. - ME ?

- GONZO, YOU'VE GOT IT. - SURE WISH WE COULD FIND A CURE FOR IT.

- RIZZO ? - GONZO ?

- KERMIE ? - PIGGY ?

WHAT THE HECK'S GOIN' ON ? [ Kermit ] LISTEN, GONZO.

AREN'T YOU TAKING THIS ALIEN THING A LITTLE TOO FAR ?

KERMIT, I REALIZE IT MAY BE HARD FOR YOU TO ACCEPT ME AS AN ALIEN,

BUT I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO BE ONE.

I'VE ALWAYS HAD ALIEN TENDENCIES, AND THIS JUST MAKES SENSE TO ME.

BEAUTIFUL, BIG "G." I SEE A WHOLE FOLLOW-UP EPISODE.

ME TOO ! "THE ALIEN IN MY LIFE." A MISS PIGGY SPECIAL REPORT.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT ? YOU'RE THE COFFEE PIG. - HUH ?

HERE'S HOW WE SEE IT. KERMIT, HE'S SUCH A JOKER !

WE'LL TAKE THIS FROM HERE.

WE'RE WITH THE SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO ALIENS. WE FEEL YOUR PAIN, GONZO.

THEY FEEL MY PAIN ! I'VE GOT A PAPER CUT THAT'S A DOOZY.

DO YOU FEEL MY PAIN TOO ?

CAN YOU GUYS HELP ME MAKE CONTACT WITH MY ALIEN TRIBE ?

YES, WE CAN, GONZO.

WELL, SOMEBODY BELIEVES ME. COME ON, FELLAS.

TAKE ME TO MY LEADER. BUT, BUT, GONZO !

I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THESE GUYS. THIS RAT SMELLS A RAT.

THE LIMO'S RIGHT THIS WAY. THANK YOU.

DID HE SAY "LIMO" ? WAIT A SECOND, I'M HIS TRANSLATOR.

NOW WAIT. YOU KNOW THIS GONZO, RIGHT ? UM--

- IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT. - THE PRICE ?

LOOK. I DELIVER GONZO'S EXCLUSIVE LIVE STORY, OKAY,

IF YOU MAKEMOI YOUR NEW ANCHORWOMAN.

[ Woman ] WE'RE BACK IN 15 SECONDS. WELL ?

WHAT ABOUT SHELLEY ? SHELLEY'S SMELLY.

YES, YES ! GO ! ALL RIGHT !

OH ! EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. HOO-HOO. STUDMUFFIN, HOLD IT.

I'LL DEAL WITH HER. YEAH, COME ON.

[ Laughing ] OH, YOU'LL DEAL WITHMOI !

LOOK, CHUMPO, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET A STORY.

HOW 'BOUT THIS STORY ?

IT'S ABOUT A BIG, BAD WOLF AND A LITTLE PIG.

- NO, THAT'S THREE PIGS. - NOT IN THIS VERSION.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE NOT PART OF THAT ALIEN PROTECTION AGENCY.

WHO ARE YOU ? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING GONZO ? HEY !

HAI-YA !

I'M IMPRESSED. AHH.

BLACK BELT, THIRD DEGREE.

HAI-YA !

PLATINUM BELT... WITH AN UNLIMITED LINE OF CREDIT.

I LIKE THIS PARTY. OH !

TOUGH GUY ! TOUGH GUY ! HA, HA !

COME ON, SHOW ME ! OH, LOOK, CINDY CRAWFORD ! HUH ?

[ Groans, Laughs ]

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE ?

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT ?

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT ?

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT ? IS THAT ALL YOU G-GOT ?

NOT THE NOOGIE !

HEY ! [ Groans ]

[ Yelling ] MAMA !

[ Crowd Chanting ] GONZO ! GONZO !

WHAT THE HEY ?

OH, NO.

THERE ARE NO ALIENS HERE.

ONLY GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED, HARD-WORKING AMERICANS. [ Clucking ]

GOOD GRIEF.

NOW, GET OFF MY KENTUCKY BLUEGRASS.

LOOK ! IT'S A LITTLE GREEN MAN.

AH, EXCUSE ME. BUT WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE ?

WE WERE DRAWN HERE BY THE ALIEN.

YUCK !

THAT'S ALL I KNOW. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

THIS GOVERNMENT AGENCY, C.O.V.N.E.T., HAS ABDUCTED GONZO,

AND TAKEN HIM TO ITS TOP SECRET FACILITY ?

YES, MISS PIGGY.

THANK YOU, DARLING. YOU'VE BEEN MOST HELPFUL.

AT LAST ! A REAL STORY !

INTRIGUE, DANGER, NEW OUTFITS.

AND IT'S MINE, MINE, MINE ! ALL MINE ! [ Laughing ]

[ Grunting ]

AH, COME ON, PLEASE. YOU THINK TED KOPPEL NEVER GETS EXCITED ?

[ Rizzo ] SO THIS IS THE CAR THAT TAKES US TO THE LIMO, RIGHT ?

[ Rizzo Grunts ] YOU SHOULD HAVE SOMEBODY LOOK AT THOSE SHOCKS.

AT LEAST THEY CARRIED OUR STUFF. DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR A TIP.

[ Rizzo ] OH !

AS AMBASSADOR OF EARTH,

I WELCOME YOU.

AH, YEAH.

I'M EDGAR. BUT I WANT YOU TO CALL ME ED.

THAT'S ED. OH, YEAH.

IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET YOU, MR. GONZO.

YEAH, YEAH, ME TOO.

HORS D'OEUVRES ! [ Laughing ] PLEASE.

WON'T YOU SIT ?

OH ! THANKS.

CAREFUL, CAREFUL. YOU'LL GET GAS. HMM ?

SO WHEN DO WE BEGIN, ED ? I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT ALL THIS.

AH ! ME TOO, MY FRIEND.

ME TOO. YEAH !

KERMIE ! OH, KERMIE, KERMIE !

KERMIE !

YES ! YOO-HOO !

KERMIE ! EVERYBODY ! COME HERE, COME HERE !

OH, OH, OH ! LISTEN, EVERYONE, LISTEN. I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS !

GONZO HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE GOVERNMENT,

AND IT COULD BE A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION.

HOW CAN THAT BE GREAT NEWS ? BECAUSE...

I'VE GOT THE STORY I'VE GOT THE STORY

OH, I NEED TO CHANGE ! SOMETHING THAT SAYS "JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY."

OH, OH, I'VE GOT TO PEE !

OH, BROTHER.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ? OKAY, GUYS, IT'S UP TO US.

WE HAVE TO SAVE GONZO FROM A WHOLE ARMY OF GOVERNMENT AGENTS.

WELL, I HAVE A JOKE BOOK.

DRUMSTICKS ! DRUMSTICKS !

I HAVE SOME LOOSE JELL-O, OKAY.

OKAY. WELL, THAT SETTLES THAT.

IN CIRCUMSTANCES LIKE THIS, THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE TO TURN.

OKAY, WHAT DO YOU GOT, BUNSEN ? OH, THERE YOU ARE.

MR. KERMIT, HERE AT MUPPET LABS, WE HAVE COME UP WITH A NUMBER OF DEVICES...

THAT SHOULD AID YOU IN YOUR COVERT OPERATIONS. EXCELLENT.

THIS SEEMINGLY ORDINARY RUBBER DUCKY ACTUALLY CONTAINS INVISIBILITY SPRAY.

HOWEVER THE EFFECT IS SADLY TEMPORARY. [ Mumbles ] SADLY TEMPORARY.

HA, HA ! THE OLD RUBBER-DUCKY-WITH-INVISIBILITY SPRAY TRICK. CHECK.

AND, BEAKER, IF YOU WOULD. HERE IS SOMETHING WE'RE VERY EXCITED ABOUT.

ME-ME ! "DOOR IN A JAR" ?

ME-ME-ME-ME. WHOO.

THAT'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, BEAKIE.

ALL YOU DO IS OPEN THE JAR, FLING THE CONTENTS ONTO THE WALL... AND POOF !

- POOF ! - INSTANT DOOR.

WHAT IS THIS ? A SECRET COMMUNICATION DEVICE ?

NO, THAT'S SCOTCH TAPE. VERY USEFUL IF SOMETHING TEARS.

AHH !

[ Miss Piggy ] AHEM.

UM, WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR...MOI ?

AHH !

[ Bunsen ] WELL NOW, MISS PIGGY.

FOR YOU WE HAVE MUPPET LABS MIND MIST.

SIMPLY SPRAY IT ON THE SUBJECT,

AND THEY WILL OBEY YOUR EVERY COMMAND.

[ Laughing ] I-- AAH !

ME-ME-OO-OO.

OH.

I DOUBT I'LL NEED ANY.

- OKAY, GUYS, LET'S GO GET GONZO. -COME ON, COME ON.

[ Pepe ] WE'LL FIND HIM, OKAY. GONZO, GONZO, GONZO !

YEAH !

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING LIKE YOU...

ALL MY LIFE.

AND NOW, AT LAST, MY SEARCH...

HAS COME TO AN END.

MAY I ?

BEFORE YOU ANSWER THAT, YOU BETTER BE CLEAR ON THE FINAL DESTINATION OF THAT FINGER.

AHH. THANKS.

HMM.

NO NOSTRILS.

HOW DO YOU SMELL ?

AWFUL. TRUST ME, I'M HIS ROOMMATE.

[ Laughing ] HUH ? HUH ?

THAT'S A KILLER. [ Everyone Laughing ]

[ Laughing ]

DON'T...

LAUGH AT ME !

[ Gulps ]

I HOPE I'M NOT IMPOSING.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GREAT ON TV. THINK I COULD GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH ?

- RENTRO ? - YES, SIR ?

- IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME. - THIS IS PROBABLY NOT A GOOD TIME. YEAH.

FORGIVE ME MY EARTHLY MANNERS.

BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE...

TO BE LAUGHED AT ? YEAH, SURE I DO.

TO BE CALLED NAMES LIKE "WACKO" ? UH-HUH.

- AND "FREAK BOY" ? - OH, YEAH.

- AND PARANOID DELUSIONAL PSYCHOPATH ? - GOT ME THERE.

TO FEEL... [ Neck Cracking ]

COMPLETELY ALONE IN THIS WORLD ?

YEAH, I THINK WE'RE STARTING TO GET THE GENERAL IDEA, ED.

YEAH.

IT'S WRESTLING LEGEND HOLLYWOOD HULK HOGAN ?

HAVE THE RAT SENT DOWN TO DR. TUCKER FOR SOME TESTS.

TESTS ? BUT I HAVEN'T STUDIED. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A NUMBER-TWO PENCIL.

THIS IS FOR ALL MY N.W.O.-ITES OUT THERE.

I WILL CONTINUE TO DOMINATE WRESTLING.

I WILL CONTINUE TO MAKE YOUR BACK CRACK, YOUR KNEES FREEZE AND YOUR LIVER QUIVER.

I WILL CONTINUE TO PUT SO MUCH PAIN ON YOU, YOU'LL BE COME MY "PAINIAC."

HOLLYWOOD, WOULD YOU MIND ? THE RAT.

- OH, YEAH. - WHERE'RE YOU GOIN' WITH MY FRIEND ?

WHAT ARE YOUR FANS GONNA THINK ? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ? I'M A BAD GUY NOW.

GONZO, HELP ME ! HELP ! HELP !

RIZZO !

SHH, SHH, SHH.

HE'S GONNA BE FINE.

[ Rizzo Screaming ]

- HUH ? - [ Groaning ]

YO.

HOW YOU DOIN' ? I'M BUBBA.

HEY. RIZZO. NICE TO MEET YA.

NICE TO MEET YOU. HOW'D YOU LIKE TO MEET SOME OF THE BOYS ? SURE.

- UP THERE, THAT'S FAST EDDIE, HARMONICA EXTRAORDINAIRE. - HI.

- HOW YOU DOIN', ED ? - WELL, I AIN'T DEAD.

OVER HERE'S TROY. THIS BACK HERE, THAT'S SHAKES.

HI. HELLO. HOW'RE YOU DOIN' ? WELCOME.

THEY'RE DOING A NEW CAFFEINE SUBSTITUTE ON HIM.

- UP THERE'S THE BIRDMAN. - WHERE ARE YOU ? GLADYS, HERE, BABY, SWEETIE.

HE DON'T BOTHER NOBODY. HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER.

GLADYS, THE GUYS ARE WATCHING.

HE JUST LIKES TO HANG OUT WITH HIS BIRDS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?

SO, THAT ABOUT DOES IT FOR ALL OF US HERE AT MEDICAL RESEARCH.

MEDICAL RESEARCH ? YEP.

BUT THAT WOULD MEAN THAT WE'RE... LAB RATS !

GONZO, GET ME OUTTA HERE !

[ Singer ] NOW, MR. GONZO.

WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT THESE ?

WHOA ! THEY REALLY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ME !

AND THEY ARE COMING TO EARTH, AREN'T THEY ? I DON'T KNOW.

HOW MANY OF THEM ARE THERE ? I DON'T KNOW.

WHEN WILL THEY BE HERE ?

AND DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME...

THAT YOU DON'T KNOW.

I KNOW NOT ?

[ Gagging ]

BUT MAYBE I COULD FIND OUT ? COULD YOU ?

OKAY. WELL.

OKAY THEN. I'LL KEEP IN TOUCH. THANKS.

OH. SO, BACK TO THE LIMO ?

IT'S A SHAME, REALLY. HUH ?

I REALLY NEED THAT INFORMATION.

SO, I AM AFRAID...

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PERFORM AN INVASIVE QUADRA-LOBAL BRAIN PROBE ON YOU,

AND PLUCK IT FROM YOUR HEAD.

THE INFORMATION ? NO.

YOUR BRAIN. TAKE HIM AWAY. WHAT ?

MY BRAIN ? BUT JUST A SECOND. I--

RENTRO, GET ME GENERAL LUFT. WHERE'RE YOU TAKING ME ? I NEED MY BRAIN !

FOZZIE, TELL ME AGAIN. WHY ARE WE DOING THIS ? TO SAVE GONZO.

GONZO ! GONZO ! THAT'S RIGHT, BECAUSE GONZO'S ONE OF US.

AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER WHAT OBSTACLES WE FACE,

WE NEVER FORGET ONE OF OUR OWN.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU TAKE CHARGE.

HEY ! WE LEFT BUNSEN AND BEAKER BACK AT THE GAS STATION.

OKAY, FROM THIS POINT ON, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,

WE NEVER FORGET ONE OF OUR OWN. MMM, THAT'S RIGHT.

HMM.

CHEESE TWIDDLE ?

SO WHAT IS THIS, MOVIE TIME ?

[ Gasping ]

SO YOU'RE THE NEW GUY.

YEAH. FROM THIS MOMENT ON,

IF I SAY YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU EAT; IF I SAY YOU'RE SLEEPY--

I EAT ?

AH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE-- WHAT ?

WELL, WELL, WELL. WE GOT A FUNNY BOY HERE.

IS THAT BAD ? VERY BAD.

FUNNY BOY'S GONNA GO TO THE MAZE.

SINCE WE DON'T WANT FUNNY BOY TO GET LONELY, YOU'RE ALL GONNA DO TIME IN THE MAZE.

I'M SORRY.

SEE, NO ONE'S EVER ESCAPED FROM THE MAZE, FUNNY BOY. NO ?

AND EVEN IF YOU DID, IT'S FOUR FEET TO THE GROUND,

TWELVE FEET TO THE DOOR, AND FOUR FEET TO THE DOORKNOB.

THAT'S 18 FEET. TWENTY.

FUNNY THING ABOUT DOORKNOBS-- RATS CAN'T TURN 'EM.

NO OPPOSABLE THUMB. [ Laughs ]

RIGHT. NOT THE MAZE.

HELP ME, HELP ME HELP ME, HOLD ME

SURVIVAL

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

SURVIVAL THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

GOTTA GET WITH IT

'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO TIME NO TIME TO SCURRY AROUND

HEY, RIZ, WATCH OUT FOR THEM RED CIRCLES. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE RED--

[ Screams ]

NOBODY EVER LISTENS.

RED CIRCLES. RIGHT.

[ Coughs ]

LET ME SEE. CHEESE, RAT POISON. CHEESE, RAT POISON.

DUH ! WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK, I'M CRAZY OR SOMETHING ?

THIS IS A NO-BRAINER.

THIS AIN'T SO BAD. A LITTLE BREEZY.

OH, BOY. WHOA. WHOA !

WHOA, WHOA !

AUNTIE EM, IT'S A TWISTER !

THIS IS JUST LIKE ONE OF THOSE CARNY RIDES.

YOU JUST GOTTA HANG ON, AND AT THE END I GET SOME COTTON CANDY.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA !

[ Screaming ]

I'M GONNA HURL !

THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO PLAY MIND GAMES HERE.

BUT I KNOW THE CHEESE IS SAFE 'CAUSE YOU THINK I'M GOING FOR THE POISON, RIGHT ?

HUH ? HUH ?

- PSST. - HUH ?

ROOM SERVICE. [ Laughing ]

[ Laughing ] HEY THERE, LITTLE FELLA. HOW'RE YOU DOIN' ?

WHILE THEY'RE WARMING UP THE BRAIN SUCKER FOR YOU, I BROUGHT YOU A SANDWICH.

I CUT OFF THE CRUSTS FOR YOU. THERE YOU GO.

OH, GEE, THAT'S NICE. THANKS.

ANYTHING FOR A CELEBRITY. [ Laughing ]

OH, HEY, DO YOU LIKE JALAPENOS ? SURE.

OKAY ! JALAPENOS JALAPENOS

- [ Sighs ] - HEY, MOPEY !

[ Screams ]

W-WHO SAID THAT ? I DID.

BUT YOU'RE JUST A SANDWICH.

NAH, I'M JUST CHANNELING MY VOICE THROUGH THIS SANDWICH TO DELIVER THIS MESSAGE.

GREAT ! WHAT'S THE MESSAGE ?

AHEM. WE ARRIVE AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT.

REALLY ? DO ALL OF YOU LOOK LIKE SANDWICHES ?

FORGET ABOUT THE SANDWICH. ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY.

JALAPENOS, JALAPENOS

GETTIN' MY FRIEND SOME JALAPENOS

[ Sandwich ] HERE'S THE PLAN. WE'RE LANDING AT YOUR HOUSE. WHAT ?

NO, NO, WAIT. THOSE GUYS KNOW WHERE I LIVE.

THEY'RE NOT THE BEST EXAMPLES OF EARTHLINGS.

OH, GOSH. WHERE ELSE CAN WE LAND ?

UM, LET'S SEE. UH--

I KNOW ! AT THE BEACH. GO TO CAPE DOOM. LOOK FOR THE LIGHTHOUSE.

[ Sandwich ] THE LIGHTHOUSE AT CAPE DOOM IT IS. BOY, I DIDN'T HEAR THAT.

OH, THIS IS GREAT. BUT HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE ?

I'M JUST A SANDWICH. SOME THINGS YOU GOTTA FIGURE OUT FOR YOURSELF.

OH, BY THE WAY, GO AHEAD AND EAT ME NOW.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED THE ENERGY.

WON'T THAT HURT ? NO, IT'S FINE. I'M GOIN' AWAY NOW.

OH. WELL--

CAPE DOOM, RIGHT ? YES, YES. CAPE DOOM.

ARE YOU THERE ?

HELLO ? HELLO ?

HUH. WELL--

[ Cell Door Opens ]

AAH !

WOW ! JUST A LITTLE FURTHER UP, FOZZIE.

STOP, FOZZIE. STOP HERE, FOZZIE. THAT'S IT.

OH ! OH ! SORRY.