All language subtitles for par307

Okay, everybody.
The Harvest Festival is tomorrow.

And I am so
proud of all of you.

You've worked so hard.
You're amazing.

So, I have a surprise.
And it is possibly

the best thing to potentially
ever happen to anyone,

anywhere, in
the history of the universe.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the world famous Little Sebastian.

What?
Yes.

No way!

ANDY: Oh, my God!

(ALL LAUGHING)

It's really him.

That's really
Little Sebastian?

Yes, this is him.

TOM: That is Little Sebastian?
Take my picture. Take my picture.

Well done, Leslie.
Well done!

I never thought
I'd get to meet him.

Little Sebastian
made his debut

at the last
Harvest Festival in 1987,

and he was
an instant phenomenon.

That week, he was the eighth most
photographed object in America.

So, suck it, The Alamo.

TOM: I'm sitting next
to Little Sebastian.

LESLIE: I know, I know.

Right now, I'm here,
Little Sebastian's right there.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Wow. So, what am I missing?
What's the deal with this pony?

He's not a pony, Ben. He's a mini-horse.
There's a big difference.

Well, then,
why is he so famous?

Does he do something?
What does he do?

Yeah, he does
being a mini-horse

and he does it
better than anyone.

Son, this horse has an honorary
degree from Notre Dame.

LESLIE: We all need to be
very careful. Okay?

Remember.
This little guy is 25 now.

And he has
cataracts in both eyes.

He has severe arthritis.
Jerry's going to look after him.

Yes, I am. We are both on
the same diabetes medication.

Are you my Glucotrol buddy?

Are you?

Isn't it amazing?

Yeah. I've just
got to be honest.

I don't know what
the big deal is.

Get out.

Okay, couldn't you
put Sue's Salads here?

On Deep Fried Boulevard?

It's just... There's so many junk
food places and only one salad stand.

Well, we wanna make money,
not make people hate themselves.

Salads are my life.

Of course. I'm sorry.

You know what we'll do?

We'll make Sue's Salads
the official

healthy choice of
the Harvest Festival.

Huh!

That's great. Thank you.

Of course. Sure.

Nobody's gonna come
to your stupid booth anyway.

I'm sorry?

The Harvest Festival is the biggest
thing I've ever done in my career.

And if it fails,
the Parks Department will be eliminated.

That's why we're going big.

Seven days, over 30 different locations,
fifty thousand plus visitors

and four hospitality kiosks.

God, I've got to stop ending
on that boring thing.

Clowns.

Well, no, you cannot
sell home-brewed water.

And again, no, I would not like to
taste it. But thank you for coming in.

April, who's next?

Man, you are just
knocking these off.

You're like a ninja crossed
with a Jedi or something.

You're like a nerd mixed
with a dork or something.

Tom, Star Wars
is not that nerdy.

(MOCKING) No, Star Wars
is not that nerdy.

It's not. Everyone has seen it.
Everyone has seen it.

BEN: Everyone.
This guy's here.

Hey, Ken.
Hi, Leslie.

This is Ben and Tom.

That's a dope bolo.

This is Ken Hotate.

He is the tribal
leader of the Wamapoke.

(SPEAKS NATIVE AMERICAN
LANGUAGE)

(RESPONDS IN NATIVE
AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

I just said,
"Hello, honored guest."

Although,
literally translated,

it means, " May you be blessed
with a million possums."

The Wamapoke used to
use possum as currency.

Well...

(SPEAKING NATIVE
AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

No, don't. Okay.

Have a seat.
Ken, I know why you're here.

And just let me say
that we really tried.

I'm sorry, Leslie,
but this is a big one.

I'm under a lot of pressure.

I'm going to need to formally
ask you to move the carnival.

I'm sorry. What's going on?

The carnival is on the site of
the Battle of Indian Hill,

which was an epic seven-day
battle that the Wamapoke lost

due to the fact that
they didn't have any weapons.

During the battle,
93-year-old Chief Wakote

was shot 102
times by the cavalry.

Did he die?

Yes.

And this moment
will be commemorated

for the next seven days with shooting
galleries and fried dough stands.

Ken, I understand,
but this is the only place in town

that's big enough to
house the carnival rides.

Plus, you know
with Pawnee's history,

it's very difficult
to not be offensive.

This is a map of all the
atrocities the Pawnee settlers

inflicted upon
the Wamapoke Indians.

The atrocities are in blue.

We put up a memorial plaque,

and we have a Wamapoke exhibit
in the history tent.

We're really trying.

I completely understand you,
I mean, I really do.

But this is
sacred burial ground.

And I just hope
that the souls of my ancestors

don't put a curse
on this festival.

There are two things I know
about white people.

They love Rachael Ray and
they are terrified of curses.

...right over there.
We'll be good. Thanks.

BEN: Hey.
LESLIE: Hey.

So, somebody,
I don't want to say who,

it was totally me,
got Sweetums to donate

another 15
cotton candy machines.

Great! Sweets!
Yeah.

Take that, curse.
Take that, curse.

(IMITATES GUNSHOTS)
Ow, ow, ow!

Right in the chest.
Bazooka.

Fire it again.
You're dead.

Bazooka.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

That's funny.
Get a room.

Okay, so guys, focus up.

Joan Callamezzo is coming by
with a camera crew

for an exclusive, last minute
walk-through of the Harvest Festival

before we open tomorrow.

So, everything
needs to be perfect.

Joan is always
looking for a scandal.

She's like
an eagle-eyed tiger.

Eagle-Eyed Tiger.
New band name. I call it.

So, everybody, gather around.
Let's grab hands.

RON: I don't hold hands.
LESLIE: Okay.

You're all amazing,
wonderful people.

And I really want
you to have fun today

and not focus on the fact
that if one thing goes wrong,

we're all going to lose our jobs.
That's not inspiring.

Okay. Let's go get them everybody.
Okay. Yes.

Any concerns,
address them to Ron. Yes.

The advantage of
being Leslie's boss

is that she does
everything herself

and there are
never any problems.

Which means for the next week,

I can sit in a lawn chair and
read this book about old boats.

Excuse me,
I have to get back to work.

Hey, whatever happened to you
and the Bionic Man?

Chris? He broke up with me,

but he did it so nicely that I
didn't even realize he did it.

I've done that
to multiple men.

How are you doing?
Are you doing okay?

Thank you so much
for asking.

It's been tough.
Yeah. Two days ago,

I was sobbing at a pizza buffet,
and they asked me to leave.

I've been looking at
some dog adoption websites.

Bought $700 worth of
candles from Anthropologie.

I did this to my hair.
You know,

your basic
bottoming out kind of stuff.

Yeah. Normally, people tell you
to talk about your problems.

I'm going to recommend
you bottle that noise up.

That's what my mailman said.

Muah-muah...

Murder.
Murder the most melons.

Shaquille showered.
Shame on Shakira's sheets.

Hello, Joan.
Hello, Leslie.

Looks like a very
impressive festival.

But we'll see.

We'll see.
You remember Ben.

Hi.
It's nice to see you again.

Let's get started.
Okay.

Now, the festival is spread
throughout the town,

but the centerpiece
is the carnival.

And over here is
Indiana's largest corn maze.

Wow. Is that Pawnee
corn or Eagleton corn?

Pawnee corn. And it's organic.

Over here,
we have our beautiful Ferris wheel.

Beautiful, but deadly.

When was the last time this giant
wheel of death was inspected?

Actually,
twice in the last week,

and everything is
100% up to code.

How many of these
carnies are illegals?

None. They're all
U.S. citizens.

Over in this booth,
Indiana basketball legend Larry Bird's

84-year-old Aunt
Tilda will be signing

autographs for two
hours on Thursday.

You got Tilda?
Yeah.

Oh! We got Tilda.
But the real coup is over there.

Little Sebastian.

Are you (BLEEP) kidding me?

You got Little Sebastian?

See for yourself.

Wow. He is so adorable.

Thank you, Joan.
And Little Sebastian isn't bad, either!

(LAUGHING) Tom!
How are you?

Good. Good to see you.
Hold on a second.

(IMITATES SQUEAKING)

What?
Did you get your breasts done?

You look amazing.

Yes, thanks for noticing.

Joan, listen to me.
This Harvest Festival,

it's going to
knock your socks off.

And when it does, I'm going to be
there to give you a foot massage.

To completion.

(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay.

Good Lord.

I swear. It's almost like
they don't want you to win.

Well, you better practice.
You've got to win me a teddy bear.

I'm going to win you
a million teddy bears.

Well, I want
a billion teddy bears.

Well, that's
a little unrealistic.

This is a hard game.

Two million.

Deal.
Alright.

Hey, I love you.

Dude, shut up!
That is awesome sauce.

You're such a good boy.

Jerry, stop bothering
Little Sebastian.

Leslie said I should
watch him for a little bit.

Perfect.
I've got to go get him a tail scrunchie.

Hi, Little Sebastian,
how's it going?

(AS LITTLE SEBASTIAN) Pretty good.
Just eating some hay, hanging out.

What's your name?

(AS HIMSELF)
My name's Tom.

(AS LITTLE SEBASTIAN)
You're really well-dressed.

I like how you got your T
shirt over your dress shirt.

You look way cooler
than everybody else here.

(AS HIMSELF) Little Sebastian,
come on, you're making me blush.

Most people look
at Little Sebastian

and they see
a famous mini-horse.

I see an advertising
opportunity for my club,

the Snakehole Lounge.

Wow. That is a shockingly
huge mini-horse erection.

I don't think I'm being
unprofessional when I say that

I really was hoping
for more tawdry scandals.

Well... What about your friend Ben here?

We all know his story. One of failure,
remind us of that failure.

Well, you know,
when I was an 18-year-old mayor,

I tried to build a winter
sports complex called Ice Town,

and it bankrupted the city.

Yikes.

I was also shortstop of my
J.V. baseball team.

No one ever brings that up.

And now,
you're involved with this.

Do I smell another disaster,
hopefully?

Look, Joan, this festival,

thanks to the tireless
efforts of Leslie Knope,

is going to bring people
nothing but happiness.

Not even I could
screw that up.

I'm a reporter,
not your therapist.

So, anytime someone takes a picture
of him, the Snakehole's logo is in it.

Am I a genius or what?

Hey, Tom.
Where's Little Sebastian?

Uh...

Somebody left the gate open
and he got out, Jerry.

What? What are you
talking about?

Unbelievable.

Another in a long string
of miserable failures.

You lost Little Sebastian!

I wasn't even here!
Exactly.

Hopefully I can get
you out of this mess

that you and no
one else caused.

You were the one watching him.

Well, it's a poor workman
that blames his tools.

You look for him. I'm going to
go tell everyone what you did.

The Harvest Festival starts
at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

And as far as this reporter is
concerned, it's well worth your time.

Come on down, everyone.
It's going to be sweet.

It pains me to say this,
but, great job here.

Thank you.

That went well.

Yeah. It did.

Take that, curse.
Take that, curse.

Sorry?
What is this about a curse?

Curse?
What?

Nothing.
Did you...

Leslie! Leslie!
It's Little Sebastian. He's gone.

Jerry let him escape,
and we don't know where he is.

Keep those cameras up.
We've got a new intro to do.

Gotcha.

Let's go ahead.
Let's get some shots

of chipped paint
and crying babies.

How about some of those spooky traffic
lights? Okay, you know the drill.

Is it revenge of the Wamapoke?

An incompetent
government run amuck?

Or probably something even
worse than any of those things?

While it seemed everything
was ready for tomorrow

things aren't
exactly as they may seem.

Nailed it.

This is bad, right?

Yes, this is bad.

This is like a poop tornado.
This is like a poop-nado.

Okay, gross. But we can handle
a little bad publicity, Leslie.

This is way worse than that.

This is a huge
government project,

and it's already
a lightning rod.

And then, you add
the Wamapoke controversy,

double lightning rod.

Plus,
we lost that little pony.

It's a mini-horse.

And that's the third lightning rod.
Triple lightning rod.

And then, you have the curse.
Quadruple lightning rod.

This is a classic
four-rod-disaster.

Right, one of those.

God, now all
the vendors are going to bail,

and the ticket
sales will go down.

Wait. I'm sorry,
but do people in this town

really believe in curses?

Pawnee's an incredibly
superstitious town.

A traveling magician
came through one time

and he pulled
a rabbit out of a hat

and the mob burned him at
the stake for being a witch.

The year was 1973.

We are really up a creek here.
What the heck are we going to do?

You mean,
what are you gonna do?

No, what are do gonna you?

What am do gonna I?

That's a great question,
Jerry.

Can you believe we left Little
Sebastian with this gentleman?

Okay, you were
the one watching him.

Apparently, I'm not
gonna get any work done.

How did this happen?

Maybe Little Sebastian got
upset because he tried to share

his true feelings with someone
and they didn't reciprocate.

That's not bad. Or maybe

a balloon popped somewhere
and it scared him,

sent him running off.

Tom, Jerry,
check the field behind the parking lot.

I don't wanna go with Jerry.

He's the one who
deliberately caused me

to accidentally
let the horse out.

Jerry's fault.
ALL: Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.
Jerry's fault.

Stop it!
Hang on.

All of you listen to me.

That magnificent
little horse is lost

and he's probably
scared and it's our fault.

Tom, Jerry, you get along.

Andy, April,
check the corn maze.

Good idea.
Horses love mazes. Come on.

Hey, Leslie?
This big, beefy dude

just came into the first aid
tent because he was dehydrated,

and then,
a reporter came in and asked

if it was
because of the curse.

No comment.
Did you say, "No comment"?

You've got to
say "No comment."

I did.

Good, Ann.
You're so beautiful.

Beautiful Ann.
All right. Well,

just treat him and
release him, and then,

don't say anything to anyone about
anything for the rest of the month.

Okay.
Okay. Run, Ann, run!

Leslie?
You've got to see this. Yeah.

Thank you for having me.

The fact is this
carnival is being held

on top of an ancient
Wamapoke burial site.

Much like the house
in the movie Poltergeist?

Exactly. I spoke to Leslie
Knope of the Parks Department

about moving
the carnival and she refused.

We do have exclusive
animation of that event.

Let's take a look.

I love these things. Sorry.

(BOTH MUMBLING)

(CHANTING)
(WHOOSHING)

(WOMAN SHOUTING)

Is that what happened?

Perd...
None of that happened.

That is exactly what happened.

All right. All right. What we do
is we move the shooting gallery.

That seems to be
their biggest problem.

Maybe that will
make them happy.

Check back in with News Channel 4,
number one in curse coverage.

ANDY: You know where
I would hide if I was a horse?

The merry-go-round.
Think about it.

You just stand still right
next to all the other horses

and no one would ever know.
It's the perfect crime.

Oh, my God.
I'm gonna go look by myself.

Hey, are you all right?
You seem super not happy.

I'm fine.
I forgot to tell you,

I might be going to Venezuela tomorrow.
Forever.

You're not fine.

Ludgate, I can read you
like the back of a book.

Something is upsetting you.

Why don't you just go ahead
and tell me what it is?

I'm not upset. I'm great. See?

April...

No, I'm not mad at him.
He's great.

I awesome sauce Andy.

April!

Oh, my God!

This maize is like a maze.

Left. Look right.

Yeah, okay.

I don't know what's sicker,
me or your body.

You aren't sick.
I'm not?

Maybe you should
check out my abs.

Are you
experiencing abdominal pain?

Every day at the gym.

Eww.
Feel.

Oh!

What are you doing tonight?

I'm prepping the medical tent.

I mean in terms of us.

I think I'm going
to have to pass.

Your loss.

Are you going to hit that?

Him?

He isn't exactly
boyfriend material.

Who said anything
about a boyfriend?

Use him. Abuse him. Lose him.

That's the Meagle motto.

Grammy Meagle thought me that.

She died at the age of 84.

Sandwiched between
two 30-year-olds.

You guys see anything?
No.

Hey, hey, hey.
Did you find him?

Yeah, Jerry.
He's right here in my pocket.

Damn it.

Okay, he can't
have gone that far.

He's got the legs of Tom,
the endurance of Jerry,

and the diseases of Jerry.

Ground mission failed.

We need a bird's eye view.

You want me to climb on top
of the Ferris wheel?

We're extremely confident
that there is no curse,

and everyone is going to have
a great time tomorrow. Okay?

Wow. First, Ice Town.
Now, this.

Bad luck really
follows you around?

LESLIE: Okay. I'd like to
start by addressing

some of the false
rumors about the festival.

First of all, we have plenty of food.
There is no food shortage.

There are not,
as one reporter suggested,

dozens of escaped convicts
meandering around the carnival.

And at no time was
any Parks Department worker,

quote, " Feasting on
petting zoo animals."

You were in charge of watching
a tiny horse and you failed.

Look, I'm only
going to say this once.

What if Little Sebastian
is on this Ferris wheel?

How about you
only say that never?

Leslie, how big of a disaster will
this be on a scale of nine to ten?

It will not be a disaster.
It will be a success.

And I want to let
everyone know that,

in an attempt to be sensitive
to our Wamapoke friends,

we have moved the shooting gallery,
per their request.

So, yes, Perd.

Yeah, the statement that this
reporter has is a question.

Will that be enough
to lift the curse?

Perd, you know as well as I do
that there's no such...

JOAN: Oh, my God.

(PEOPLE MUTTERING ANXIOUSLY)

Crap on a spatula.

It's the curse.

That's exactly what it is.
You know what?

Everyone, relax, please. We'll get
this up and running in no time.

TOM: Oh...

Jerry, what the hell?

I didn't do this.

Jerry's fault.
Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.
Jerry's fault.

ALL: Jerry's fault.
Jerry's fault.

Oh, my God.
We cannot catch a break.

Yeah, well, I'll help you out.

I'm going to go.
What?

I feel like
I'm jinxed or something.

What are you talking about?

Look, you were totally fine
until I got involved.

So, I feel like I should
probably just go. Okay?

I'm really sorry.
I'm the curse, I think.

So, I'm going to get
out of here. All right?

When they're missing this long,
they're usually dead.

Well, if that's true,
then you're going

to have to answer
to the whole town.

And God.
Okay.

You were the one
who let him out, Tom.

Okay, now stop
trying to blame me.

Jerry, can you
please be quiet?

I can't hear myself
not talking to Andy.

Ron, will you please tell
me why April is mad at me?

Ron, can you
please tell Andy...

All of you, be quiet.

Andy, she's mad
because you said

"awesome sauce"
instead of "I love you, too."

April, he loves you.
Stop being a child.

Tom, you're clearly at fault here.
Blaming Jerry won't save you.

Jerry, we both know you were
shotgunning funnel cakes

instead of
watching Little Sebastian.

So, everyone
apologize to everyone else.

JERRY: I'm sorry, Tom.
ALL: I'm sorry.

I do love you.

You do?

Yeah.

That's what, you know,
makes the sauce so awesome.

Aw! Jerry just farted.

I'm very upset.
I get nervous.

Hey, Leslie?
Generator's shot.

No.

I got the T.M.K. 2500 specifically
for the extra capacity.

Wow. You know your stuff.

You single?
Not now, Ed.

How could that happen?

All those TV crews plugged in
and overloaded it.

I knew it. Stupid media!
Let me tell you something,

freedom of press
is for the birds.

Okay. How and where can I get a new
one in, like, I don't know, now?

There's only one place in town
that has a generator that size.

You've got to be kidding me.

This festival is supposed to
be my love letter to Pawnee.

Now it's just turned into a note that
says, "I wanna see other people."

So, you need to
borrow our generator?

Ken, I am coming to you
on my knees, begging for help,

much like the early
settlers of Pawnee

begged the Wamapoke
200 years ago.

Now, but that was a...
A trick,

and over 50 Wamapoke
were slaughtered, I know.

But this is not a trick.

I am prepared to
put the Wamapoke

history exhibit inside
the carnival grounds,

right past
the entrance turnstile,

so that you have to look at it
before you start having fun.

Now, that's interesting.

It's been really
awesome looking at you.

Most carnival nurses
are total grenades.

Okay, you're all set.
You are free to go.

Or you could stay
here and make out with me

until the lights come back on.

Oh! Hell, yeah.

Beat it, Donna.

Aye-aye, Captain.

I'm just trying to do
something good for this town,

and I'm trying to
save my friends' jobs.

Can you help me out here?

A Native American tribe making
a deal with the government.

What could go wrong?

You can have the generator, Leslie.
Thank you, Ken.

And I will issue a statement saying
that the curse has been lifted.

Well, actually,
I have another idea.

(CHANTING)

(SPEAKING IN NATIVE
AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

With that sacred ceremony,
the Wamapoke curse has been lifted.

(CROWD APPLAUDS)

Wow. Thank you.
Intense stuff from Ken Hotate.

And in other good news,
he gave us a scare but he's back now.

The one, the only,
Little Sebastian.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RON: We spotted him from
the top of the Ferris wheel

at the center
of the corn maze.

After the power came back on,
we went and got him.

It took us four
hours to solve that maze.

It took the horse 15 minutes.

(RON CHUCKLES)

Jerry's still out there.

(RON LAUGHS)

I suppose I ought
to go look for him.

Right after I get a bratwurst.

Knock, knock. Hey, hot lips.

I got out of here
so fast last night

I wasn't able to scoop
them digits off of you.

Oh... Um...

Yeah, that's because
I didn't give them to you.

Oh. Carrying rage.

Well, then maybe I'll see you
around the hospital.

I don't mean to brag,
but I'm in

the emergency room like,
all the time.

Cool.
I'll see you later.

Boom!

He was really sweet, though.

You know, I'm just gonna see if
maybe he wants to grab some...

Park it.
Fine.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Welcome. Come on in. Have fun.

Thanks.
Enjoy yourself, ladies.

Hey.

Hey. Look who's back.

I'm sorry I left. I honestly felt
like I was cursed or something.

Ice Town, and now this.

Ice Town was a disaster, and it seems
like it was probably your fault.

From what I can tell,
you mismanaged the hell out of it.

Wow. Why even
say that already?

But the point is,
this project,

this is as much
yours as it is mine.

It's ours, and it's
going to be really great.

And I'm glad you're here.

Wow. Thank you.

Is this the guy?

Yes. This is him.

(SPEAKING NATIVE
AMERICAN LANGUAGE)

Yes.

(COUGHING)

Special Wamapoke ceremony.

The curse has been lifted.

Wow. Thanks.

Yeah. Gosh, you're filthy.
Go clean yourself up.

Try to look professional.

(CONTINUES COUGHING)

Hello.

Enjoy yourselves.

Hey. I like your necklace.

My God. He is just
the best ever.

You're the best ever.

But he's a close second.
Aren't you, Little Sebastian?

He really is amazing.

You finally get it now, right?

Hello? He's fantastic.
I totally get it now.

I don't get it. At all.

It's kind of a small horse.
I mean, what am I missing?

(LITTLE SEBASTIAN WHINNIES)
Am I crazy?

(CROWD EXCLAIMS)

Hey, Ben, you just missed it!
He whinnied!

Yeah. No, I totally
heard that. It was great.