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1
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[FANFARE PLAYS ON CELLPHONE]
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,464
[ALL CHANTING "LULU!"]
3
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,612
[CELLPHONE BEEPS,
FANFARE AND CHANTING STOPS]
4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:11,613
You believe it?
5
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,615
She scored five goals.
6
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:16,183
Well, to be fair,
it was the goalie's nap time.
7
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,787
Is this what pride feels like?
8
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I've never felt it before.
9
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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
10
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You left me in the car.
11
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Honey, I'm so sorry.
12
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It's okay. You also left your keys.
13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:39,891
Wait. You were in the car alone with the...
14
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,017
Yeah, she moved it.
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,602
What?! I'm kidding.
16
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:43,728
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.
17
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,438
I've got to go change Lulu.
18
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,273
She got so excited about the victory,
19
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,675
she literally pooped herself.
20
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,445
Whatcha doing?
21
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,947
My puzzle game.
22
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,240
Mm.
23
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,325
You know, Emily,
there's still time to sign you up
24
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,410
if you want to play soccer like your sister.
25
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,995
I don't want to kick the ball.
26
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I feel like I'm hurting it.
27
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,126
[SIGHS] We've got to get her
28
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into something besides that puzzle game.
29
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,630
Yeah. She's a sweet kid.
30
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,882
The world is gonna destroy her.
31
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[DOOR OPENS]
32
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,512
Oh, Jo,
33
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I notice you lose your keys a lot.
34
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Do I?
35
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,268
Yes, you do.
36
00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:26,271
That's why I thought
you'd like my new purse.
37
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:27,772
It has a special key pocket.
38
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,107
Uh-huh.
39
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,858
And a-a holder for your phone.
40
00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:32,569
Neat.
41
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:37,782
And I call this little special pouch
"the gum zone."
42
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,367
That's really great.
43
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,451
Don't you just love it?
44
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,352
Careful.
45
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,791
I-I do.
46
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,626
I... I do just love it.
47
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,003
I knew you'd love it.
48
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,820
So I got one for you, too!
49
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,633
Yay. [LAUGHS]
50
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,468
Now you won't be a hot mess.
51
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,554
You'll just be hot.
52
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Like me.
53
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,485
We have to do something about her gifts.
54
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,613
This cannot be my purse.
55
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,930
It looks like a giant gorilla testicle.
56
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:26,021
Quick impression... Me, 10 years ago.
57
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:40,152
??
58
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,331
[SIGHS]
59
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,478
I gave this bag a shot, but I can't.
60
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,213
A hawk tried to steal it from me.
61
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,486
You know, before I met you,
62
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,012
I never changed my sheets, and it was fine.
63
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,951
You know [SIGHS] if your mom would stop
64
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,037
spending all her money on terrible gifts,
65
00:03:06,061 --> 00:03:08,790
maybe she could, like,
chip in on groceries instead.
66
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:11,000
I know.
She keeps eating all the string cheese.
67
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,794
[EMILY AND LULU SCREAMING]
68
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,837
EMILY: Give it to me! LULU: My trophy!
69
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,780
Your turn.
70
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,843
Hey, what's going on?
71
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,429
Lulu wouldn't give me her trophy.
72
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,390
Oh, Emily.
73
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:28,142
You know the best way to get a trophy?
74
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:32,129
Lulu gives me hers?
75
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:39,612
No, no, you earn one by playing soccer,
like Lulu.
76
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,763
Nah. I don't want to lose my weekends.
77
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,577
You know,
you don't have to play a whole season.
78
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,830
Your T�o Chuy has a soccer clinic,
79
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,331
and if you try it for a day,
80
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:52,041
you get a participation trophy.
81
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,918
Just a day?
82
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,462
And do you promise I'll get a trophy?
83
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,822
Yes. Fine.
84
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:04,470
Are we making a mistake here?
85
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,214
Definitely, but what are you talking about?
86
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,771
I don't want to bribe
Emily into playing sports.
87
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,441
I mean,
why doesn't she just like them like we did?
88
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:19,569
Babe,
you remember that moment in the hospital
89
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,737
when we were alone with that other couple?
90
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,823
Yeah.
91
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,307
Did we take the right kid?
92
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,121
??
93
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,957
Alright, my superstar niece is here.
94
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,792
And Emily.
95
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,169
Hi, T�o Chuy.
96
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,795
Why don't you go run a few suicides,
97
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,154
and we'll start in a minute?
98
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,425
[SIGHS] So, Chuy,
99
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,678
it took a lot of encouragement
to get Emily here today, so...
100
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,638
Ah, you don't know how to motivate your kid,
101
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,974
so you need me to step
in and save your family.
102
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,309
I got it.
103
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,627
Yep, that's exactly what we were gonna say.
104
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,064
Hey, Jo, I love that purse.
105
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,799
Okay. That's it. It's gone.
106
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,446
Kids, you probably know who I am.
107
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,324
Local soccer legend, Chuy Rodriguez.
108
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,742
Chh, chh! [POPS LIPS]
109
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,327
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
110
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,329
[CHUCKLES]
111
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,456
Today it is my honor
112
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,584
to introduce you to the
most beautiful game...
113
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Soccer.
114
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,296
And then you'll all get trophies.
115
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,965
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!
116
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,426
Soccer has just a few simple rules.
117
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,012
Rule number one...
You can only use your feet.
118
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No hands.
119
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,598
Okay, little early for questions,
120
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,808
but, uh, what's up, Emily?
121
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,643
Why can't we use our hands?
122
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,353
Well, because, uh, soccer's been around
123
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:37,146
for thousands of years,
124
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,922
and no one's ever used their hands.
125
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,193
Yes?
126
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,862
Did people used to not have hands?
127
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,113
What?
128
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,491
No. No, no, no. People... People had hands.
129
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,993
Then why did they hate them?
130
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,996
Let's not talk about hands.
131
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,957
If you don't want to talk about hands,
132
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,167
then why did you bring it up?
133
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,462
Okay, change of plans.
134
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,381
Uh, we're gonna do some sprints.
135
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,842
Okay, now, everybody run between the cones.
136
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,826
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
137
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,892
Hey, uh...
138
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:16,060
What are you doing?
139
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,980
I'm not allowed to use my hands.
140
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:22,108
Well, you...
you can use your hands for that.
141
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:25,385
This is the most confusing thing
that's ever happened to me.
142
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,822
Me, too.
143
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:31,617
??
144
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,412
[GROANS]
145
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,290
Hey, uh, where's my mom's purse?
146
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,125
[SMACKS LIPS] About that.
147
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,294
Oh, no.
148
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,629
You know I love your mom.
149
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,964
You do?
150
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,008
Of course.
151
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,050
[SCOFFS]
152
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,053
But a purse is enormously personal.
153
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,139
That's why they call it a purse.
154
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,974
Hmm. Really?
155
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,934
No.
156
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,145
Oh, my God, babe. [CHUCKLES]
157
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:01,230
Look, hon, I know it's a lot to ask,
158
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,524
but you don't have to use
it the rest of your life.
159
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,234
Just the rest of hers.
160
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,569
You don't get it.
161
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,904
It's different for you,
because you actually like her gifts.
162
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,823
Pbht! What?
163
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,182
No, I don't.
164
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,285
You don't?
165
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,286
No.
166
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,579
Every birthday since I was 10,
167
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,913
she's given me a plaid shirt.
168
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,498
You think I like plaid shirts?
169
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:20,958
Yes.
170
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,627
You wear one every day.
171
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:25,129
This is like a prison to me.
172
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:28,466
I want to wear Hawaiian shirts.
173
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,302
Hawaiian shirts!
174
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,679
That sounds very doable.
175
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,473
Why don't you just talk to her?
176
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,475
Oh, you don't think I've tried?
177
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,518
Once, in 2005, I started to,
178
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:42,962
and she looked at me like that
possum you ran over last year.
179
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:47,443
[WHIMPERS] Blblblbl!
180
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,345
Don't ever bring him up.
181
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,076
Okay, look, i-i-in your family,
182
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,786
if you don't like something,
you just tell each other, right?
183
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:57,746
Yeah.
184
00:07:57,770 --> 00:07:58,996
Well, that's not how we do it.
185
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,331
[SCOFFS]
186
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,917
What do you think is gonna
happen if you're honest?
187
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,252
It would destroy the system. What system?
188
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,546
The system of never,
ever saying what you think
189
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,633
to avoid releasing a lifetime
of unexpressed emotions.
190
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,677
You're crazy.
191
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,844
Why don't we go get the kids?
192
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,471
Okay, sure. [SNIFFS]
193
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,139
Where are they?
194
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,433
??
195
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,769
Congratulations.
196
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,146
I know participation trophies are stupid,
but...
197
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,399
So stupid.
198
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,693
I'm excited for Emily to get one.
199
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:29,694
Me too. Yeah.
200
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,112
She needs a win.
201
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,739
I mean, even just getting her to participate
202
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,241
was a huge accomplishment.
203
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,576
Yeah, they should give us a trophy.
204
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,578
[APPLAUSE]
205
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,915
Mom, Dad,
206
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,418
I didn't get a trophy.
207
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,502
What?
208
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,362
T�o Chuy didn't give me one.
209
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,259
Chuy, what the [BLEEP]
210
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:56,220
You said every kid gets a trophy!
211
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,140
If they participate. Emily did not.
212
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:00,266
What are you talking about?
213
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,184
Emily didn't kick the ball once.
214
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,771
She spent six hours trying to
eat a sandwich with her foot.
215
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,941
Well, that's a new level of weird.
216
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,943
Okay, Chuy, but she was here,
217
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,611
so Emily should get a damn trophy.
218
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:17,825
Jo,
attendance is not the same as participation.
219
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,618
If I give her one,
220
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,663
then a participation trophy means nothing.
221
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,332
Exactly. It's just a piece of plastic.
222
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,543
Chuy, come on.
223
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,129
She's been refusing to
play sports for years.
224
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,797
Look, we finally got her here, okay?
225
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,299
If Emily doesn't get a trophy today,
226
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,134
I-I don't think she's ever
gonna try sports again.
227
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,595
So, you guys screw up for six years,
228
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,972
and you expect me to fix it in six hours?
229
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,665
That's exactly what you
said you were gonna do.
230
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,770
As much as I love my niece,
231
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,146
when I get to the pearly gates,
232
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,272
I don't want the big guy saying,
233
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:51,108
"Why did you lie and say Emily participated?
234
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:55,303
I expected more from local
soccer legend Chuy Rodriguez."
235
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,520
I'm gonna destroy him on Yelp.
236
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:09,584
[SIGHS]
237
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,128
You promised if I went to the stupid thing,
238
00:10:12,152 --> 00:10:14,404
I would get a trophy.
239
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,675
Yeah, but you didn't actually play soccer.
240
00:10:17,699 --> 00:10:18,760
Who cares?
241
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,637
I just want a trophy.
242
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:22,764
[SIGHS]
243
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,807
Emily, if Daddy or I went to work
244
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,100
and didn't do anything,
245
00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:27,185
do you think we'd still get paid?
246
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,294
Mm, it's kind of a gray area for me.
247
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,216
Yeah, you know, government work.
248
00:10:35,342 --> 00:10:38,261
You're always changing the rules.
249
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,765
[FOOTSTEPS FADE]
250
00:10:43,058 --> 00:10:44,160
Before kids,
251
00:10:44,184 --> 00:10:46,871
did you ever imagine
having a problem like this?
252
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,207
[SCOFFS] "I don't want to eat my broccoli"?
253
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:50,875
Sure.
254
00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:53,670
"Not gonna do my homework." Heard of that.
255
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:54,903
"I don't like fun."
256
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:58,299
It's not something they tell you about.
257
00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:00,385
The only thing she ever
does without complaining
258
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,761
is that puzzle game. I know.
259
00:11:01,785 --> 00:11:04,013
I kept thinking this was gonna
get better as she got older.
260
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,099
But now she is older,
and it's not better.
261
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,769
We've tried so many activities...
piano, ballet.
262
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,814
She wouldn't even pretend
to have a job in improv.
263
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,608
[CHUCKLING] Oh. I remember that.
264
00:11:15,632 --> 00:11:16,901
She kept saying, "I'm unemployed."
265
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,861
[LAUGHS]
266
00:11:18,885 --> 00:11:21,155
I don't know. We... We can't give up on her.
267
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:24,224
We j... We have to find a way to
get her interested in something.
268
00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:27,161
What are you talking about?
269
00:11:27,185 --> 00:11:28,371
We were just saying that
we need to get Emily
270
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:29,872
interested in something.
271
00:11:29,896 --> 00:11:33,626
Oh, you need to get Emily
interested in something.
272
00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:36,629
Right, yes, I-I just said that.
273
00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:39,465
But, hey, you know,
since we're all talking...
274
00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:40,800
[CHUCKLES]
275
00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:42,552
Yes?
276
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,762
The purse you got me... Very thoughtful.
277
00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:46,621
Oh, thank you.
278
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:48,891
Yes.
279
00:11:48,915 --> 00:11:51,084
However, a purse...
280
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,970
I...
281
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,160
You know... Jo lost the purse.
282
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:10,246
Yes, yes! Yes. It's so crazy.
283
00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:12,248
You bought me the purse so
that I wouldn't lose my keys,
284
00:12:12,272 --> 00:12:14,584
and then I lost the purse that was
supposed to help me not lose my keys.
285
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,086
I guess...
I guess I need a purse for my purse.
286
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:18,236
[LAUGHS]
287
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:20,989
Okay.
288
00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:24,802
[DOOR OPENS]
289
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:26,846
God. I couldn't do it.
290
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,681
I cou... You were right.
291
00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:31,124
Her whole eye was pupil.
292
00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:35,396
Couldn't just use the purse
for the rest of her life, huh?
293
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:37,631
Alright, what happens now?
294
00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,511
You're gonna bury that purse.
295
00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,535
[FANFARE PLAYS ON CELLPHONE]
296
00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:50,953
Okay, Emily.
297
00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:52,747
[CELLPHONE BEEPS,
FANFARE STOPS] Open your eyes.
298
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:56,459
Welcome to the Olympics of You.
299
00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:59,152
The what of me?
300
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,756
Olympics. Remember?
301
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,133
We watched the summer
ones like three years ago?
302
00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,843
I was 3.
303
00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:09,222
Do you remember when you were 3?
304
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:12,290
No, but I've had a lot of drinks.
305
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,728
Look, i-in the Olympics,
306
00:13:15,752 --> 00:13:19,148
people participate in a
bunch of different sports.
307
00:13:19,172 --> 00:13:21,150
And you can earn this trophy
308
00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:24,195
if you try any of the sports on this lawn.
309
00:13:24,219 --> 00:13:26,489
Take your time, honey.
310
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:29,224
See what speaks to you.
311
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:34,956
Hello?
312
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,999
It's not saying anything.
313
00:13:37,023 --> 00:13:39,710
Okay, that...
No, that's just a figure of speech.
314
00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,671
Here. How does the ball feel in your hands?
315
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,655
This one's too hard.
316
00:13:46,324 --> 00:13:47,909
This one's too soft.
317
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,139
This one's gonna be just right.
318
00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:53,874
I hate this one!
319
00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,753
[FANFARE PLAYS]
320
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:02,525
Oh!
321
00:14:02,549 --> 00:14:03,943
Basket.
322
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,635
Great job, Lulu!
323
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,948
See? It's not hard.
324
00:14:08,972 --> 00:14:10,140
Lulu did it.
325
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:17,164
If Lulu can do it, I-I bet you can, too.
326
00:14:17,188 --> 00:14:20,650
You like Lulu better than me.
327
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,162
Hey, Lulu.
328
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,539
Read the room.
329
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,798
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
330
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,320
Just draw a dagger through my heart.
331
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,387
What color?
332
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:54,100
Hey, Em, can we talk to you?
333
00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:58,873
Hey, we don't like Lulu better than you.
334
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:01,667
Yeah, there are no favorites in this family,
okay?
335
00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:02,919
I mean, you know, it's like Mom and me.
336
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,253
You don't have a favorite, right?
337
00:15:04,277 --> 00:15:05,796
Yeah, I do. It's Mom. Don't answer tha...
338
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:09,258
It was a hypothetical. You...
339
00:15:09,282 --> 00:15:11,218
Look,
we're just trying to get you interested
340
00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:13,763
in something other than your puzzle game.
341
00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,306
I love that game.
342
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,432
We know.
343
00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:18,976
There's just a lot more to life.
344
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,419
Than doing what you love?
345
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:28,301
Yes.
346
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,948
The real lesson here is
347
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,992
that there's a whole,
big world out there, baby,
348
00:15:35,016 --> 00:15:36,869
and you should try new things.
349
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:40,289
No, thanks.
I just want to lay in bed and play my game.
350
00:15:40,313 --> 00:15:41,332
Okay.
351
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:44,126
Then the real, real lesson here
352
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:46,003
is that no matter what,
353
00:15:46,027 --> 00:15:48,422
you're special, and we love you, okay?
354
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:50,865
I love you, too.
355
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:59,124
Even though Lulu has two
trophies and I have none.
356
00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:03,962
Oh, God. She's doing your mom's pupil thing.
357
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:09,134
You know what? Hold that thought.
358
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,530
Here.
359
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:15,116
This is for being a great kid.
360
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,785
[GASPS]
361
00:16:17,809 --> 00:16:18,995
Okay, we're done here.
362
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,122
Thank you. Bye.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
363
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:23,249
Thank you. Bye-bye-bye. Bye-bye-bye-bye.
364
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,150
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
365
00:16:28,111 --> 00:16:30,113
Did we just get played?
366
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,343
Well, she's not doing sports,
she didn't learn anything,
367
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:36,971
we gave her a trophy,
and got kicked out of her room.
368
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,204
So, yeah.
369
00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:42,935
Oh, Jo. JO: Mm.
370
00:16:42,959 --> 00:16:45,354
Would you get me a diet
soda from the fridge?
371
00:16:45,378 --> 00:16:47,130
Sure. Thanks.
372
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,341
Aah!
373
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,531
Something wrong, Jo?
374
00:16:55,555 --> 00:16:57,348
You look as though you've seen a ghost.
375
00:17:01,352 --> 00:17:03,080
The purse. [EXHALES SHARPLY]
376
00:17:03,104 --> 00:17:04,790
You found it.
377
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:07,626
How?
378
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,920
I put a tracking tile in it.
379
00:17:09,944 --> 00:17:12,381
Well, you do lose things
380
00:17:12,405 --> 00:17:14,383
and you said you liked it a lot,
381
00:17:14,407 --> 00:17:17,660
and I found it in a bag in a hole.
382
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,850
Oh, Bill,
383
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:24,602
do you know anything about this?
384
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:26,753
I told her not to, Mommy.
385
00:17:28,296 --> 00:17:29,440
Nice.
386
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:31,108
It seems we need to talk.
387
00:17:31,132 --> 00:17:33,277
What is going on here?
388
00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:34,528
[SIGHS]
389
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:36,280
Okay, this has gone on long enough.
390
00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:38,431
I have to come clean.
391
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,579
Bill hates plaid shirts.
392
00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:46,040
Jo hates the purse.
393
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:47,541
Bill hates everything you've ever given him!
394
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:50,318
Jo ran over a possum! [GASPS]
395
00:17:57,992 --> 00:18:00,495
So, you don't like my presents?
396
00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:07,770
Mom, listen, w-w-we...
We appreciate them so much.
397
00:18:07,794 --> 00:18:10,523
But, yes, we hate them.
398
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:13,192
Oh.
399
00:18:13,216 --> 00:18:16,612
Alright, I'll cool it on the presents.
400
00:18:16,636 --> 00:18:19,448
That's it?
401
00:18:19,472 --> 00:18:21,492
Yeah, what did you think was gonna happen?
402
00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:23,977
Nah, I knew you'd be totally cool with it.
403
00:18:25,478 --> 00:18:27,623
Yeah, I'm cool.
404
00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,792
Okay, so you're not mad?
405
00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:31,460
Why would I be mad?
406
00:18:31,484 --> 00:18:33,295
I-I-I-I only give you gifts
407
00:18:33,319 --> 00:18:34,505
because I don't contribute.
408
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:37,824
I don't pay rent. I-I don't buy groceries.
409
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,471
Now I can stop.
410
00:18:42,495 --> 00:18:44,682
Okay, great.
411
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,058
Thank you! Bye!
412
00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:51,045
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
413
00:18:54,632 --> 00:18:56,634
Feels like we just got played again.
414
00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:00,614
You know what?
Who cares if she buys groceries.
415
00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:03,266
I can finally wear Hawaiian shirts.
416
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:07,621
Hawaiian shirts.
417
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:09,457
And I can use my old purse.
418
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:11,792
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
419
00:19:11,816 --> 00:19:15,379
EMILY: [SINGSONG VOICE] Mom. Dad.
420
00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:18,132
And it feels like we're gonna
get played a third time.
421
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:23,762
??
422
00:19:23,786 --> 00:19:25,413
[NORMAL VOICE] Watch.
423
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:34,214
[FAN WHIRS]
424
00:19:37,592 --> 00:19:38,635
Oh.
425
00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,869
I built the thing from the iPad game.
426
00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:50,247
Emily, this is amazing.
427
00:19:50,271 --> 00:19:53,083
I-I am so proud of you.
428
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:55,652
Wait. Hold on.
Thi... This is why you wanted the trophy?
429
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,464
I should've just given it to you.
430
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:01,175
I know you don't like Lulu better than me.
431
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:04,094
I just said that 'cause I knew
you were gonna give me a trophy.
432
00:20:04,118 --> 00:20:06,120
And you did.
433
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:11,352
You guys are a puzzle,
and I figured you out.
434
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:15,129
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
435
00:20:22,428 --> 00:20:24,406
Hey, babe. Hm?
436
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:25,991
What do you think,
the one with a lot of pineapples
437
00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:28,560
or the one with all the hot sauces?
438
00:20:31,312 --> 00:20:32,581
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
439
00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:34,482
I'll get that. You're very busy.
440
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:39,880
[SIGHS]
441
00:20:39,904 --> 00:20:41,049
Chuy.
442
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,801
I've given this a lot of thought,
443
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,053
and some things are more
important than participation.
444
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,222
One of them is family,
which is why I'm here...
445
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,599
Chuy, stop talking. It's all settled.
446
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:50,725
It is?
447
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,435
Yeah, she just wanted the trophy
448
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:56,147
for this, like, crazy, cool machine thing.
449
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:58,757
Ha-ha!
450
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,012
God is so funny.
451
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,242
Here I am,
about to compromise everything I hold dear
452
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,868
to make a child happy,
453
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,120
and He shows me
454
00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,605
that rules are more
important than children.
455
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:16,191
Have a great night!
456
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,610
[DOOR CLOSES]
457
00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:23,210
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