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1
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:03,800
[Natalie] Culottes. Nice.
2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,920
Skirt or trousers?
Fashion's little mystery.
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,600
[Trish] Needs must, Natalie, I had a...
4
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,120
a private hair wax this morning,
I've gone commando.
5
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:12,960
Bit sensitive is it?
6
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:14,800
Brother beyond she was thorough.
7
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,440
It was less intrusive having
my coil fitted. I had no choice.
8
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,240
I found a grey one,
can't let Tom see that, he thinks I'm 32.
9
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,440
[laughing] That's hilarious!
Why does he think that?
10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,800
-Because I told him.
-It's perfectly plausible.
11
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,560
That's one thing about being single
12
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,680
you don't have to mow
your lady lawn quite as often.
13
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,400
[chuckles]
14
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,680
Why haven't you got a boyfriend, Natalie?
15
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,400
I mean it's absurd. Have you got baggage?
16
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,720
[chuckling]
No, I just never meet anyone I like.
17
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,000
Let me set you up
with one of Tom's friends.
18
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,280
And I'm sure he'll be able to find
someone to go out with you.
19
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,760
No, Trish. I'm no good with blind dates,
he probably won't be my type.
20
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:53,920
It's done!
21
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:58,440
Okay, great! I suppose I might have
to get the shears out after all?
22
00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:59,520
Shears?
23
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,760
Oh, got you, pubes!
24
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,040
Pubic hair! What are we like? [chuckles]
25
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,560
Oh, still a bit tacky.
26
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,880
["Work" playing]
27
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,320
[yawns]
28
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,520
Heavy night?
29
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,400
Tom and Trish make
the loudest love I have ever heard.
30
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:28,960
I haven't slept for five nights.
31
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,640
Morning! Right, headlines.
32
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,200
We are still not getting enough
claimants off our books. So--
33
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,600
We need to find reasons
to stop their benefits.
34
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,680
Or get them a job.
35
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:42,160
-Stop their benefits.
-Get them a job.
36
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:43,520
-Stop benefits.
-Get job.
37
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,880
-Stop.
-Job.
38
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:50,040
You've got your way, I've got mine.
39
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,000
Natalie's right, Angela.
40
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:57,120
Think of job seekers as being like horses,
and you are their jockeys.
41
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,160
Natalie, could you be a job-seeker horse.
42
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,640
-You want me to be an unemployed horse?
-If you wouldn't mind.
43
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,720
Okay.
44
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,600
Now, sometimes the horses
need a bit of encouragement--
45
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,240
Just do a little gallop.
To jump the fence to employment.
46
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,760
What if the horse
doesn't want to jump the fence?
47
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:14,880
[Natalie neighs]
48
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,520
Then you, the jockey,
49
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,800
-need to give the horse an incentive.
-You mean whip 'em?
50
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,680
-[Natalie snorts]
-No!
51
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,040
Well, yes, metaphorically.
52
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,400
But, um, whip them in a way
that makes them feel empowered.
53
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,240
-Katchi! I believe in you.
-[Natalie whinnies]
54
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,120
Some horses lie about
the amount of oats they are entitled to.
55
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,720
Then you need to step up
and deal with them as well, George.
56
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,440
-[Natalie] Everyone's good at something--
-You can stop trotting now.
57
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,000
-You just need to find out what it is.
-Amen to that, Natalie.
58
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,600
All the horses in our stable
need to be inspired.
59
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,120
Or shot.
60
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,920
-Oi oi!
-[car beeps]
61
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,320
All right, dickhead.
62
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,440
Eight o'clock tonight.
63
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,480
Tom says he knows exactly who to invite,
I think it's his hunky friend Marcus.
64
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,120
He's got lovely buttocks.
65
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,920
Let's hope he brings them with him.
66
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,360
And a good sense of humour!
How are you still single?
67
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,320
Your benefits will be cut
as you were late for your appointment.
68
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,880
I went to the toilet.
69
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,520
Should have gone
before you left the house.
70
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,920
-[paper crumples]
-[job seeker] What a joke.
71
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,440
-[Karl] Angela.
-[Angela] Mm-hmm.
72
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,680
Are you recording every person
you get off benefits with a smiley face?
73
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,320
Yes. Do you want me to add
your name so we can keep score?
74
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,040
Angela, I don't think that's appropriate.
75
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,720
Oh, worried you wouldn't get any stickers?
76
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,840
I'd get stickers, job stickers,
I'd get stickers for getting people jobs.
77
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,120
Would you now?
78
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,760
Yeah, I could get more people jobs
than you could get off benefits.
79
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,520
Are you challenging me?
80
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,400
-No, she isn't.
-Yeah, I am. Put my name on the chart.
81
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,400
Then bring it.
82
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,200
Consider it bringed-- brought-- brung.
83
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,480
Brung.
84
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:00,880
["Work" playing]
85
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,520
-George?
-All right?
86
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,120
Big case?
87
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,400
[George] Trish wants people off benefits,
this guy's a low hanging fruit.
88
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:17,880
I'm going to nail this mother...
89
00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:19,039
[clips click loudly]
90
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:22,479
...on a night, Obbo.
91
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:23,760
Night vision goggles?
92
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,800
Can I... can I touch them?
93
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,880
[sniffs] Oh, shit.
94
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,000
Oh, It's like Call of Duty.
95
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,160
-Military grade.
-Do they make the noise?
96
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,560
-Don't-- don't switch them--
-Ah! That's bright!
97
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,520
-It's got to be dark.
-Ah...
98
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:49,040
Oh, no. Tom wants me to go
on a blind date with one of Trish's mates.
99
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,800
Dinner at the flat tonight.
100
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,880
[George] Lucky you, bag yourself a cougar.
101
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,720
Not a chance. All of Trish's mates
are going to be forty-something
102
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,640
emotional train wrecks called Susan.
103
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,120
I met Tanya on a blind date. Literally.
104
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,760
She temporarily lost her vision
105
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,880
after a netballing accident,
but look at us now.
106
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,240
Karl, are you listening?
107
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,080
-Yeah.
-[goggles power up]
108
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,600
[Natalie] Come on, Graham,
I'm really trying to get you a job.
109
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,760
Is there anything that you're proud of?
110
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,640
I did jump in a pool in my pyjamas.
111
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,840
-For your lifesaving badge?
-No, to save me own life.
112
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,960
I was being chased by a gang of bees.
113
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,000
Think, Graham, think.
What do you enjoy doing?
114
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,760
What do you look forward
to doing every day?
115
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:35,760
Coming here.
116
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,920
["Work" playing]
117
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:48,840
[Trish] Okay.
118
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,720
Hope he's worth the wait.
119
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,760
Yeah, he is. I might as well tell you.
120
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,560
No, shush, don't tell us.
I want it to be a surprise.
121
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,480
[chuckles]
122
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:07,560
This is so cool.
Thanks for letting me come.
123
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,640
It's a proper stake out.
We should be smoking or something.
124
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,840
Are you not going to get in trouble
missing your blind date?
125
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,200
I don't care.
I'll send a text later, make an excuse.
126
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,400
Why you taking your shoes off?
127
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,040
Compression socks.
128
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,040
We could be here for hours.
It's essentially a long-haul flight.
129
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,800
[Trish] We'll have to start without him.
130
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,840
It's getting cold.
This one's yours, Tom-cat.
131
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,640
He doesn't eat cheese in the evening.
132
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:36,720
I get nightmares.
133
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,400
Urgh, they're terrible aren't they, Tom?
We call them the nadgers.
134
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,480
Yeah, the nadgers.
135
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,080
I have to make him a hot chocolate
and stroke his hair to calm him down.
136
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,360
And if that doesn't work,
I have to tire him out in other ways.
137
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,480
Shhh, you.
138
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,840
[chuckles]
139
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,680
[George] So, target...
140
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:02,760
Caucasian, male, 46, last name Doolan,
first name Robert, also known as Rob.
141
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:06,000
-What's the charge?
-The usual car crash whip lash bullcrap.
142
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,960
He's been on ESA for eighteen months.
143
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,640
[tuts]
144
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,440
-[goggles power on]
-Whoa!
145
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,360
[squeaking]
146
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,200
-Why tonight?
-Thursday night: bin night.
147
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,440
I just need one good shot of him
lugging some heavy bags into those bins...
148
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,080
and it's Goodnight Vienna.
149
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,240
-[giggling]
-[phone vibrates]
150
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,200
Oh, no way, Karl's not coming. [tuts]
151
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,400
Karl? Why would Karl be coming?
152
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,240
Well, because, he was the surprise.
153
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,200
-You said invite a friend.
-I didn't mean Karl.
154
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,080
I meant one of your sexy,
gardening friends.
155
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,320
So Karl was my date?
156
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:51,760
He was, yeah.
157
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,880
I should have told him it was you.
158
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,920
-I'll just text him now.
-[Trish] Oh, no, Tom, don't.
159
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,640
Why would Natalie be interested in Karl?
[chuckles]
160
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,280
Because he's a good bloke.
And he's really tidy.
161
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,840
Well, it doesn't matter how tidy he is,
162
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,120
they're colleagues
so it's never going to happen.
163
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,360
-Isn't that right?
-God, yeah, absolutely right.
164
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,080
Never mind.
165
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,400
Oh, please don't feel
like a massive gooseberry, Natalie.
166
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,520
You're really more than welcome.
167
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,160
Thanks.
168
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,760
Do you mind if I finish this?
169
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,560
I'm so glad I'm not there.
Trish is taking over my life.
170
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,120
I see her at work, I see her at home
171
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,680
even her hair's clogging up the plug hole.
172
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,280
And she's changed Tom.
He's not fun anymore.
173
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,760
Move on. Your friend's as good as dead:
he's never coming back.
174
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,200
That's not fair. He was my friend first.
175
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,720
-[gate slams]
-George.
176
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,160
-Oooh!
-Oooh!
177
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,880
[Karl] Hoo-hoo-hoo!
178
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,800
Bingo McMingo.
179
00:08:54,760 --> 00:09:00,160
Be cool. No sudden movements,
he's walking right into my-- shit.
180
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,400
-What? What?
-I forgot my camera.
181
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,600
Oi, you can use my phone.
182
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:12,560
[George] Oh, look at him. Sneaky fish.
183
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,360
Still clinging on to that stick.
184
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,040
Who does he think he's kidding?
185
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,520
-[loud thud]
-[chuckles]
186
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,680
-Is he all right?
-Yeah, he's fine, trust me.
187
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,240
No, George, I think he might be stuck.
188
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,680
Relax, it's a ruse,
probably suspects he's being watched.
189
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,120
[Rob] Help. Anybody. Please.
190
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,440
[chuckling]
191
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:37,600
[Rob] Anybody.
192
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:41,000
-I'm going to go and help him.
-No! That's what he wants.
193
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,000
Yeah, because he's stuck
in a pile of bin bags.
194
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,720
[Rob] Help! Please, anybody.
195
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,040
-[car door closes]
-Karl!
196
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,160
-[Rob] Help!
-[scoffs]
197
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:54,560
-Are you all right, mate?
-Oh, cheers. Can you help me up?
198
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,080
You definitely can't stand up yourself?
199
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,360
No, mate, I'm disabled.
200
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,200
-Huh? Not if you try really hard?
-No!
201
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:03,320
Okay.
202
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,480
-Oh.
-Oh, Blimey.
203
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,480
Don't you work at the job centre?
204
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,040
Hmm. No. No.
I do not work in the job centre.
205
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,080
Well, why are you wearing
that name badge then?
206
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,400
Are you spying on me?
207
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,680
-Up yours!
-[groans]
208
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:25,920
["Django Django" playing]
209
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,160
[Rob] Oi!
210
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,000
-[Karl] Drive! Drive!
-Jesus, Karl, what happened?
211
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,840
-Cover's blown.
-What's wrong with your hand?
212
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,080
-It's, er, bin juice.
-[groans]
213
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,040
[Karl] Whoa! Whoa!
214
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:39,720
George!
215
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,920
[George]
Relax, Karl, I'm an advanced driver.
216
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,080
[giggling]
217
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,200
Anyway, there were no spare rooms
so he took me in the shed.
218
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,920
-Oh!
-I don't mean my bottom.
219
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,520
And we did it next to the garden tools.
220
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,960
Oh, Natalie, you "hoe"!
221
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,600
-[all laugh]
-Trish!
222
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,320
Come on, Trish, spill the beans,
tell us about your first time.
223
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,720
Oh, God, disaster!
224
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:15,320
[sighs] Duncan Harper.
He was a lifeguard at the leisure centre.
225
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:20,840
We had some fumblings in a layby
on the A55, so I knew what was coming.
226
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:24,680
I always remember, it was the same night
the Berlin Wall came down
227
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:27,600
which is quite symbolic
when you think about it.
228
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,480
[laughs]
229
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,280
-The Berlin Wall?
-Mm-hmm.
230
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,240
-Wasn't that 1989?
-Mm-hmm.
231
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,560
No, no it was
much later than that, wasn't it Trish?
232
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,240
No. It was 1989.
233
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,720
I think I know
when I popped my berry, Natalie.
234
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,240
It was 1989.
235
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,920
But if you're 32...
236
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,280
that would have made you seven?
237
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,040
Mmm...
238
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,280
Things were different in the '80s.
239
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,600
["Work" playing]
240
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,800
Karl, I need to talk to you
about last night.
241
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:08,680
-Is this because I stood your mate up?
-No.
242
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,680
Is it about the disabled man
in the bin bags?
243
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,920
-What?
-Doesn't matter.
244
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,240
What are you talking about?
245
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,960
-Tom, didn't he tell you?
-Hmm?
246
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,840
He found out I've been lying about my age?
247
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,960
Really? Oh, no.
248
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,800
I think I might just need
to give him some space?
249
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,480
-Good idea.
-Do you think?
250
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,880
Yeah, I mean, it's great
that you're round the flat all the time.
251
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,600
But I have been there a lot recently.
252
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,480
You really have, and I think
it might be starting to get to him.
253
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,440
I had no idea. Oh, it was awful, Karl.
254
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,160
I had to get away,
I just left poor Natalie there.
255
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,600
Natalie?
256
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,160
Our Natalie?
What was she doing at the flat?
257
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:47,600
She was your blind date.
258
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,440
Tom said you were inviting
one of your friends.
259
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,880
I did, Natalie's my friend.
260
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,000
[sniggers] No, she's not.
261
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,000
Not one of your "friend" friends.
262
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,320
It doesn't matter, Karl,
263
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,240
because you and Natalie are
work colleagues. It's not going to happen.
264
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,200
As you've refused a work offer
I'm stopping your benefits.
265
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,640
[Joy] That's not going to happen.
266
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,040
Decision Makers Guide,
section four paragraph nine:
267
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,920
"All claimants are entitled to refuse work
on the grounds of religious beliefs."
268
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,360
What are your religious beliefs?
269
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,320
We both know
I don't have to tell you that.
270
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,880
-There's no eating in the job centre.
-There is if you're type one diabetic.
271
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,480
As part of your claimant commitment
272
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,240
you're supposed to ask friends
about vacancies.
273
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,360
-[Joy] Correct.
-There's no record of that here.
274
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,760
-I asked a neighbour who works in Argos.
-Neighbours aren't friends.
275
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:36,920
It's within the criteria.
276
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,840
-Only with documentary evidence.
-Which I must provide on request.
277
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,480
-Within 24 hours.
-This afternoon at three?
278
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:43,840
I look forward to it.
279
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:52,960
I'm so sorry about last night.
280
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,320
Nice bedroom by the way.
281
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,400
Got some really interesting stuff
on your internet history.
282
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,080
Yeah, I can explain about that.
283
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,000
Basically, we use a lot of milk
284
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:09,040
and wanted something to keep it in,
so I did a search for "massive jugs."
285
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,400
-Karl, I'm joking.
-[exhales]
286
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,240
So where were you?
I've never actually been stood up before.
287
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,440
I didn't know it was you.
288
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,280
[Tom shouts] Trish!
289
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,800
Trisha Collingwood!
290
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,760
-Trish!
-All right, mate. What you doing here?
291
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,600
I'm trying to get hold of Trish,
she's not answering my calls.
292
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,080
She sent me a text saying
she's going to give me some space
293
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,320
but where's that come from?
294
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,120
Hormones?
Although, you are together every night,
295
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,920
maybe you should see a bit less of her?
296
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,840
Why would I want to do that for,
she's beautiful.
297
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,920
-[shouts] You're beautiful, Trish!
-Whoa, all right.
298
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,600
I love you, Trisha!
299
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,120
Okay, Tom, dial it down.
300
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,440
You don't really love her, do you?
301
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,200
Oh, my God... you actually do.
302
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:02,320
All right, uh... I'll get her to call you.
You can tell her how you feel.
303
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,400
No, I need to show her how I feel.
304
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,280
Come to the pub with me and help me
figure out how to get her back.
305
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,200
-Yeah, course.
-Thanks, Karl, you're such a good mate.
306
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,320
I'm really not.
307
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,800
[Natalie] You're actually early.
308
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,360
I found a job I want.
309
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,680
Brilliant! That's great news, Bryony,
where is it?
310
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,360
Boobie Bungalow.
It's a titty bar in West Brom.
311
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,480
-A titty bar?
-[Bryony] Yeah. My mate's mom works there.
312
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:35,480
She gets, like, 3,000 grand a night.
She's got an actual gold phone.
313
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,600
Don't you think that might be
a bit degrading?
314
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,040
Chill out, Grandma,
it's only getting your bangers out.
315
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,120
I do that on the beach in Barmouth.
I just need to do an audition.
316
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,760
Got to do like a routine or something.
317
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,120
-Do you really think you can get this job?
-Of course I can. You've seen my arse.
318
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:51,720
Come with me.
319
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,560
-[Bryony] What we doing?
-[Natalie] We're gonna get you that job.
320
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,400
[Karl] Oh, Trish, come quick,
a cat's been run over.
321
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:02,680
-What?
-[Karl] In the car park.
322
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,200
A cat's been run over. By a car.
323
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,520
But I know nothing about cats.
324
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,560
Angela, you like cats,
one's been run over.
325
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,120
-I'm on my way.
-Ah...
326
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,120
[Trish]
Janette, there's a cat been run over.
327
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,520
I'll get some paper towels.
328
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,560
No, hang on, just Trish.
329
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,680
Paul, there's a cat been run over.
330
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,920
[Paul]
Right, I've got a mallet in my boot.
331
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,840
[loudly] No, no.
332
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,080
["Move" plays on phone]
333
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,880
Try being less intimidating.
334
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,760
-What do I do with my hands?
-Maybe rub them over yourself.
335
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,280
Bit more sensual, you haven't got eczema.
336
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:42,600
This is stupid,
I'm trying to turn on a chair.
337
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,000
Tell you what, I'll be the customer.
338
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,160
[grunts]
339
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,440
What's wrong with your face?
340
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,200
-I'm trying to look like an aroused man.
-Don't. You're putting me off.
341
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,680
Just say stuff a bloke
in a strip club'd say.
342
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,880
Oooh... nice breasts!
343
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,400
Uh.. put your bum near my face!
344
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,600
Give me some money then.
345
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,000
Here you go.
346
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,320
Now grind me, you randy cow!
347
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,600
It's going to cost you
a lot more than that.
348
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,600
[Angela] Owning a cat near
a main road should be a crime.
349
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,440
[Trish] What's this?
350
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:21,480
Tom?
351
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,120
[Tom meows]
352
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,920
Oh, give me strength.
353
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:29,280
He's all right.
He just wants someone to love him.
354
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,720
Tom, what are you doing?
355
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,760
Patricia Collingwood,
I'm your little "Tom-Cat."
356
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,440
And I don't care how old you are.
357
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,840
Fourteen years older
makes you fourteen years more beautiful.
358
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,600
["Stay Another Day" playing]
359
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:44,680
Tom.
360
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,520
I love you, Trish-upon-a-star.
361
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,480
Please, come back?
362
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,520
[music gets louder]
363
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,440
[crying]
364
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:04,600
You have taken me
on a beautiful, deeply sexual journey.
365
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,600
We did things that were still illegal
when I was at polytechnic
366
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,960
and for that I thank you, but it's over.
367
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,600
I said, I don't mind about the age gap.
368
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,880
It's not about the age gap.
369
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,280
The same thing happened
with me and my ex-husband:
370
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,080
I went from being his lover to his mother.
371
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,520
Now yes, right now I'm still your lover,
but I am becoming
372
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,240
more like your mother than your lover.
I'm your mother-lover.
373
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,880
And I'm not going down that road again.
374
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,880
You sure I can't get you a drink?
Cup of tea?
375
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,880
-Saucer of milk?
-[both chuckle]
376
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:39,400
You've still got ketchup on your paw.
That'll stain.
377
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,600
[Joy] The letter you requested.
378
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,200
Is this... slobber?
379
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,680
I volunteer in a dog's home.
380
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,320
In that case...
381
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,520
I will be stopping
your benefits after all.
382
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,840
-It's volunteer work, I don't get paid.
-Thus, you're not available for work.
383
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,560
I'd cease my charitable work
should I gain employment.
384
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,680
And until then
you're working full-time in a dog's home
385
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,040
and not looking for employment
at least 35 hours a week
386
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:17,440
as per the legally-binding
claimant commitment you signed.
387
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,640
Don't question me again,
this is what I do.
388
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,880
-You do realise I'll appeal.
-I'd be disappointed if you didn't.
389
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:33,960
I can't go any higher.
390
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,880
[Trish] Little Lord Jesus...
391
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,760
What on earth are you doing
with your tuppence in Natalie's face?
392
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,000
-Nothing.
-She's teaching me how to lap dance.
393
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,600
[Natalie] For a job.
She's got an audition.
394
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:45,560
-I'm inspiring the horse.
-Don't call me a horse.
395
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,800
We can't promote jobs
in the sex industry, Natalie.
396
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,720
I know. I'm sorry. I got carried away
with the whole Angela sticker chart thing.
397
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,400
I just wanted to get a smiley face.
398
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,720
-When's the audition?
-Tonight. But my sexy dancing's crap.
399
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,640
I see. You know, if nothing else
being with a younger man
400
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,160
has certainly taught me how to gyrate.
401
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,320
Why don't you help us?
I bet you're a good dancer.
402
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:09,760
I dabbled. I mean, yes,
I won some awards but I'm no Ashley Banjo
403
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,680
although I did do a night class
in street jazz, so...
404
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,200
Oh, what the hey, from the top.
405
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,080
You're strutting round Bryony.
406
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,200
Have to pop your hands on your hips.
A bit jaunty.
407
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,400
Just run your fingers through his hair,
if he's got any, fingers crossed.
408
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,720
They might have a lovely long ponytail,
you never know.
409
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,080
Stroke his cheek, rub his ear.
410
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,680
-Oh, sorry.
-Oh, let's get a man's opinion.
411
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,360
-Good idea.
-Bryony's got an audition at a tits bar.
412
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,360
You got five minutes to be lap danced?
413
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,360
Oh, actually, I dunno--
414
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,800
[indistinct mutter]
415
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,200
Hit it!
416
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,560
-["Just A Little" plays on phone]
-Coming at you, Karl!
417
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:47,720
[exclaims] Wait, no!
418
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,520
-[Trish] Watch and learn girls.
-[chuckles]
419
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,600
Step kick and step kick.
420
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,960
Now you'll probably have feathers, Bryony
so just, you know, tease him a bit.
421
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,600
Left boob, and right boob, and left boob
422
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,680
and right boob, and spin two, three, four.
423
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,080
Can I go back to my desk now?
424
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,720
No, Karl, you have to stay here,
we're helping Bryony.
425
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:11,040
And then you're just going to shimmy
in and shimmy and shimmy.
426
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,480
Keep staring at him: bit of attitude.
427
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,920
You look like you're on Strictly.
It's supposed to be dirty.
428
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,760
Yeah, I'm getting to the dirty bit.
Thank you.
429
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,560
I love it when you do it like that. Oooh!
430
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,280
♪ Just a little get hot just a little ♪
431
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:31,320
♪ Meet me in the middleLet go just a little bit more ♪
432
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:37,240
Tap that ass, tap that ass, tap that ass.
I've seen this, it's called twerking.
433
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,440
I'm pretty sure that's not twerking.
434
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,480
-You do it, Natalie.
-No, I'm rubbish.
435
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:42,760
You can't be worse than her.
436
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,800
I don't think Karl wants Natalie
to twerk for him, Bryony.
437
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,320
I don't care what you want,
it's part of your job.
438
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,400
-I don't even think I can twerk.
-Me neither.
439
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,480
Look everybody,
I can do the splits. Whoops!
440
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,280
You know there's women
half my age that can't do this.
441
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,280
I might need a bit of help
getting up please, Bryony.
442
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,800
["Just A Little Bit" playing]
34925
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