Original subtitles

["CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'" BY THE MAMAS & THE PAPAS PLAYING]

♪ All the leaves are brown ♪

♪ All the leaves are brown ♪

♪ And the sky is gray ♪

[OVER RADIO]: ♪ And the sky is gray ♪

♪ I've been for a walk ♪

♪ I've been for a walk ♪

♪ On a winter's day... ♪

[MESSAGE TONE PLAYING]

♪ I'd be safe and warm ♪

- ♪ If I was in L.A. ♪ - _

- ♪ If I was in L.A. ♪ - _

♪ California dreamin'... ♪

Sorry that I'm late, exclamation point.

I should be there any second, exclamation point.

[PHONE CHIMES]

♪ Stopped into a church ♪

♪ I passed along the way ♪

♪ Well, I got down on my knees ♪

♪ Got down on my knees ♪

♪ And I began to pray ♪

♪ I began to pray ♪

♪ You know the pr... ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Holy shit.

I, um, I think I'm here.

[PHONE CHIMES]

[MESSAGE TONE PLAYING]

_

Take your time, smiley face.

[PHONE CHIMES]

P.S. How'd you get your text tone on my phone?

[PHONE CHIMES]

[CLICKS TONGUE] Oh.

Seriously?

[BAG THUMPS]

Uh, you mind me sitting up front?

I'm gonna put my bag in the back.

Uh...

I mean, I can, I can go in the back

- if that's weird or whatever. - No, no, no. No.

It's... it's totally fine. [CHUCKLES]

- [DOOR OPENS] - [EXHALES]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I am Clare, your Orbit driver.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I am Carl E., your passenger.

- [LAUGHS] - Hi.

Hi.

Oh, you want me to Waze LAX?

Oh, no, no, no. I... I can do that.

Um...

[PHONE CHIMES]

It'll take 54 minutes.

You're not from L.A.

Uh... [CHUCKLES]

[ENGINE STARTS]

No, I'm... not, actually. [CHUCKLES]

You should probably put your seat belt on.

Well, where are you from?

I am from Wamego.

Wamego, Kansas.

I actually just moved here six days ago.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah.

Uh, you live with, uh, friends, family?

Boyfriend? Girlfriend?

Mm, no, just... just, uh, me and my dog.

I don't know anyone.

I don't know anyone in L.A.

- Well, you know me. - I mean...

Well... [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Welcome to the city of lights

or... dreams or delusions or whatever.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

- [LAUGHS AWKWARDLY] - [CHUCKLES]

Well, I... actually, the line is,

"I don't believe we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."

I've... I've watched the movie, like, a million times

and, uh, Dorothy's actually from Wamego,

so they have this museum for her and, uh,

I... I would go a lot and that's why I became a writer,

or, um, I'm... trying to become a writer.

And that's why L.A.

Yeah.

But why now?

I don't know, I guess...

I guess it was time.

So I packed everything up and drove 1,617 miles

till I hit the ocean.

I've always wanted to see the ocean.

I've always wanted to become a writer, too.

Well, nothing's ever lost, you know.

Like time.

It might feel like it is,

like life might have passed you by.

It hasn't.

Um, you, uh...

you have something right...

Oh, uh... [LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Like, um, burger mustard?

Oh, yeah, it was a... a veggie burger.

Yeah, with v... vanilla shake and curly fries?

No, actually not, I'm vegan.

Um, but yeah. I... I was, um,

I was running late, so I didn't have time to,

you know, sit down and, um,

eat.

Well, let's make time.

Fuck my flight, I can get another flight.

Right now all I want is to get a burger and to get to know you.

Um, yeah, okay.

I'm serious.

This here... Clare, Carl E.

I mean, our names are anagrams!

[LAUGHS]

I know that we were meant to meet tonight.

Not to be stalker-y.

No, um, you're not.

Well, I kind of am, but...

fuck it, I'm an open book. Ask me anything.

Are you famous? [LAUGHS SOFTLY]

I mean, you don't have to tell me if you are.

Why would you think that?

You live in a mansion and you're... you're my age.

Oh, no, that's not my house.

Oh. Okay, do you, do you live with your parents?

No.

Actually, I have no idea who lives there.

What do you mean?

About 40, 45 minutes ago,

a sharing economy driver, much like yourself,

dropped me off and I rang the bell.

When the woman that lives there opened the door,

I shot her in the face.

That's... that's funny.

No, I'm not being funny.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

After I shot her, I went into the bedroom,

where I found the husband watching basketball.

And I shot him in the back of the head.

♪

And then...

I went looking for the children.

Keep your eyes on the road, Clare.

We don't want to have an accident.

♪

I found the little princesses in the kitchen...

crying, blubbering,

snotting all over the linoleum.

God, I hate that noise.

I didn't want to waste any ammo on that hot mess, so...

I used my hunting knife instead.

[CLARE PANTING]

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Catch a princess by its toe.

If it hollers...

which it did, a lot...

cut its throat.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

Want to guess which one of the brats is in the duffel bag in the back?

[EXHALES]

Do you know what I really, really, really want, Clare?

A good old-fashioned story.

You're a writer, you moved to La-La Land

to prove that you're employable

and not just some Kansas bumpkin

who won her high school poetry contest,

so here's the deal.

If you tell me a really good story,

then I will let you live.

Does that sound good, Clare Scheherazade?

I'll take that as a yes.

Okay.

As they say in the biz,

roll sound.

Roll camera.

And... action.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -