Original subtitles

Order! Order in the court!

We won't stand for this obscenity any more, your honor.

The good people of Pristine county feel there is no place,

for a fraternity of nekkid people to corrupt our innocent children.

Up yours!

You stupid no-good Bible-thumping globs of eye puss!

The human body is a beautiful thing!

Mrs. Druple!

It's prudist limp dicks like you that screw up children in the first place.

Back to your seat!

Tight-ass buttheads...

Mrs. Druple, please!

Listen, sister,

...nudity didn't work for Adam and Eve and it's not gonna work for you.

If God had wanted us to walk around naked,

he wouldn't have made little animals,

for us to cut up and make fur coats out of...

Your honor, we see this as Satan's way of trying to distract our citizens,

from reading their Bibles and going to church.

I have a petition here,

signed by every God loving member of this community,

who can write.

And they insist that that sinful place be closed down,

before it spreads throughout the community,

like video games did in '82, or colored condoms in '86.

Just because you can't stand looking at your own bodies,

doesn't mean you can deprive us of our rights.

Your rights?

Stop, for Jesus says they do.

And Jesus doesn't like nudity.

Well Jesus must love hemorrhoids,

because he's sure got a lot of assholes behind him!

You'll burn for that one, you old bitty!

Oh?!

Nobody calls ME old!

What? Let me out!

That's enough! All of you.

Your assholes are so tight,

you need a crowbar to help you shit!

Mrs. Druple!

Please, please.

Look at the turmoil and unrest that this has caused over the years.

I won't stand for this any longer.

I must make a decision to keep the peace.

Therefore,

I am declaring that the nudist camp

should be closed down within 72 hours.

And the land may be used for recreation by the Church,

in any manner that it sees fit.

Over my dead body!

You can't do that, you can't just take away our land!

Mr. Trickle,

the land on which your nudist colony resides is city property.

It is leased by you or is not owned by you.

You have no claim to it.

And it is my duty to do whatever is necessary

to please the majority of the citizens.

The MAJORITY of the citizens!

But, but we...

And I further order YOU to cover those things up!

Or, or tie 'em down... or something!

This court is dismissed.

Praise the Lord!

Good going, uncle Bob!

...sorry.

I'm pissed!

I'm pissed...

I'm pissed!

I'm cold.

I know it's a shame but this is the only dignified way out.

Shame, shame, shame...

Most of our other members have bailed out on us.

But we who remain are the true soldiers!

Yeah, soldiers...

But the fight is over and, well, the verdict is in.

I've heard enough of this God damn bullchips!

We lost the war, so let's take the God damn poison already!

Do you mind?

Some of us younger ones haven't lived as long as

...others.

Are you calling me old?

Moses would call you old!

Nobody calls me old!

Stop it, Mrs. Druple! Please stop it!

He's not the enemy.

I appreciate your sense of urgency but,

this isn't easy for me either.

I've been a member here since I was a child.

I know, I used to powder your goddamn butt!

Yes, I'm aware of that, Mrs. Druple.

Pissed on me once too, you know.

That's enough, Mrs. Druple!

Got me right in the eye.

Everyone! If we're all ready...

I'd like to say something before we bite the weenies!

What is it now, Mrs. Druple?

I just... I wanna say that...

I feel an anger toward those no good devout butt warts!

An anger that I know I'm gonna take to my grave.

They're the ones who killed us!

They're the ones who are responsible for ALL of this!

We'll all take this to the grave, Mrs. Druple.

You know that it's deeper than that!

I wanna tell you, gang-gummit!

If there's a way to get even with them,

Goggammit, I'm gonna!

In fact,

since I'm being profound...

I denounce this land from all religious fart bubbles!

May any God-damn bible-thumpin' pile of monkey smegma,

who walks on these grounds, be tormented by our spirits!

Whaddya think of that!

We all share your emotions, Mrs. Druple.

I'm sure that, none of us here will rest in peace.

It ain't fair!

This is a nudity colony, gag-gummit!

A nudity colony!

We didn't go to their goddamn church and

...and complain because there are altar boys who wore dresses, did we?

No.

It aint fair!

I know.

Life sucks worse than... my ex-wife.

For sure.

That's for sure...

And that is why we choose... to die!

L'chaim!

Up yours!

This ain't the end of it.

I'm coming back.

And when I do,

I'm gonna kick some holy ass!

There's a place where evil dwells,

home to naked guys and gals,

and one thing that should be said

of the residence of dead.

If you visit, you will pay,

and your butt will rot away.

You may think that it seems crude,

but the corpses are all nude.

Nudist Colony of the Dead

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Nudist Colony of the Dead

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Better go to church instead,

than nudist colony of the dead.

Hanging there can do you harm,

you could lose a foot or arm!

Keep away from open graves,

blood is what these nudists crave.

They will kill you with a grin,

while their nuts are dangling.

They will squeeze the life from you,

in a pool of massive goo.

Ooh.

Nudist Colony of the Dead!

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Nudist Colony of the Dead!

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

You will likely be torn to shreds,

at the nudist colony of the dead.

You'll be shaking in your boots

by corpses in their birthday suits.

The horror mounts, the terror grows,

these monsters have no use for clothes!

They are dead without a doubt,

and their butts are sticking out!

Killing people to and fro,

decomposing as they go.

You'll get murdered merrily,

by dead folks without modesty.

They'll kill and hurt and chop and maim,

exposings gonads with no shame.

Nudist Colony of the Dead

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Nudist Colony of the Dead

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

There's one place we all dread...

It's the nudist colony, Nudist Colony of the Dead.

Nudist colony, nudist of the dead

Nudist colony, nudist colony of the dead

Nudist colony, nudist of the dead

Nudist colony, nudist colony of the dead

Nudist colony, nudist of the dead.

Nudist colony, nudist colony of the dead.

Nudist colony...

NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD!

Jesus, Jesus, A-B-C-sus,

H-I-J-K- L-M-N-O-P-sus,

Q-R-S-T-U-V-W- X-Y-Z-sus.

No I say to you, my brethren

...and my sistren.

We must keep morality in this town.

Praise God! Praise the Lord!

Hallelujah!

Are you aware,

of what our sons and daughters are doing,

in the back of their automobiles,

with their male dingly parts and female squishy organs?

No. No.

They're hein' and shein' back there!

You know what I mean?

No...

Fornication!

That's right! Fornication!

'Forn',

from the Latin word 'forthefunofit',

which means, 'lust of the body's cavities.'

'Nic', from the Greek word 'nictory'

which means... 'plunger of nooks and crannies'.

And 'cation'...

derived from the Swahili word 'cationinis',

which means... 'to tingle one's extremities'.

Fornication!

They're doin' it.

I seen them doin' it!

I've heard them doin' it!

I have pictures of them doing it!

We must do somethin'!

And somethin' we will do!

Praise God! Hallelujah!

Praise Jesus!

I tell you what we're gonna do about it.

I am organising a retreat

at Camp Cutchaguzz'out next month.

A retreat that can turn our pagan children

from the fornicating scum that they have become!

...into the immaculate humanitarians,

our Lord intended them to be.

Alright. Yeah.

They will be kept in an environment of divinity and spirituality,

so intense,

they'll come home peein' holy water!

Yeah. Yeah, reverend.

Remember,

your children can't praise the Lord,

if they've got genitals in their mouth!

No, they can't.

Excuse me, Reverend Ritz.

Question, Mr. McRighteous?

Are you aware that Camp Cutchaguzz'out was once a nudist colony?

Aware of it?

It was through the sanctity of this church

that it got closed down a-five years ago.

I understand the residents, rather than give up the land,

...killed themselves.

So?

And are you aware of what happened to the last group of kids,

who went there on a retreat two years ago?

I believe there was a bit of a tiff.

All the kids were murdered.

And I understand the group, that went before them a couple of years earlier,

...were also murdered.

Bite your pagan tongue, sinner!

All those deaths could have been accidental!

Who ever heard of 47 deaths...

by accidentally walking into a tree shredder?

Ugh! Gruesome!

I heard the ranger of the park was an eyewitness to the last murders,

...and he said, they were committed by the dead nudists,

risen from the grave!

You been drinking the holy water, McRighteous?

How could dead people rise from the grave?

It's stupid!

It's absurd!

Anyway, that's all fornication under the sheets...

And I'm not gonna let 47 freak accidents

...disrupt my plans for building a decent generation of youths!

Now who's with me?!

Very good.

Start writin' those checks!

Our children will have the experience of their lives!

I don't wanna hear any more complaints.

This trip is for your own good.

I'll be bored out of my skull.

Come on, mom. Would you give me a break?

I don't need to go on a religious rejoice.

'Retreat', it's called a 'retreat'.

And you won't get bored, there's plenty of fun things going on.

Like what?

Like reading bible stories,

doing bible games, bible trivia...

Gosh, I wish I were 30 years younger!

...I'd go along.

Well I wish I were 30 years older, so I could make you.

That's enough out of you, young lady! You're going.

And that's that.

I won't know anybody.

That's not true.

Fanny's going on this retreat.

She's in some of your classes.

Fanny?

Fanny Wype?

Well she's a certifiable crackpot.

She won't even eat deviled eggs,

cause she thinks they come from possessed chickens.

Anyway, you'll make some new friends.

You know the kind of people that go on these things.

Kids with serious personality problems.

...Kids with attitudes just like you.

It's time we parents put our feet down.

You're going.

You'll like it and you'll be a better person for it.

Say, what did I forget here...

We're twenty kids on a quest to be good,

God's gonna show us the way!

We'd like to get high and have sex if we could,

Every single day.

You may think that we have strayed down on life's evil path.

But we would rather touch peepees,

than study on math.

We're supposed to pretend that our groins don't exist,

God's gonna show us the way!

Whenever we use them our folks all get pissed,

God's gonna show us the way!

It's a shame that our folks have to send us to this,

They'd rather see us pray.

They would like us to stop with our sex, drugs and booze.

With all of their nagging, you'd think they were Jews.

But we know we're Christians so how can we lose?

God's gonna show us the way!

So now here we are on this godly retreat,

God's gonna show us the way!

To turn us around gonna be quite a feat,

But we are forced to obey.

The teachers who are with have a mission to try,

by making a saint out of each girl and guy.

We think it'd be nice, if they'd eat shit and die!

God's gonna show us, God's gonna show us,

God's gonna show us the way!

Sinners!

I don't know why I was forced to go on this trip.

I have no problem with my spirituality.

I don't fornicate, I don't masturbate,

...I don't even punctuate.

Want a fritter?

No, thanks.

I mean part of a convoy with a group of sinners?

It's just not my style.

Oh, a Ho Ho!

No, thank you.

I think my parents are afraid, cause there's seeds of corruption,

...lying dormant in my genes, cause there's fornication in my family.

Cherry?

No, thank you.

Good morning, radies! Can we meetchu?

The very fact that you've asked me this,

...is proof that the Lord our God wanted us to meet.

What did I tell you, Rou?

Didn't I tell you they look mirable?

My name is Tu. Juan Tu.

Well that's an unusual name.

Yeah, my mother was Mexican and my dad was Japanese.

Oh, um...

Pleased to meet you. I'm Fanny Wype.

And this a, this a Rou. Rou Jobee.

He don't speak too much.

The Bible says,

'Speak without lust in ye heart and ye speak limply.'

– Psalms 73, chapter 10, Mobile 1.

Of course when he does speak, he can drive you clazy.

Rou, turn around!

The Bible says,

'He who turneth the other cheek, needeth more toilet paper.'

– Jeremiah, chapter 2, verse 9,

Rocky 4.

That Lou's a nice guy.

Yeah. Sure is.

Do you rub it?

No, I'm afraid I might do it wrong and make a mess.

I can't believe you've never done it before.

Look, you gotta knead it with your hands,

...gently going around and around, as you get to the tip.

Was it hard last time you touched it?

Oh yeah! Like a mountain top!

I wouldn't worry about it.

It's only a zep. Just let it go away on its own.

Bumpy road.

Bumpy.

Could be the tires.

Could be.

Probably the road.

Probably.

You excited?

Naw.

That's just my keys.

I don't mean right now.

I mean are you excited about this trip?

Naw.

Just goin' for the money.

You go to the bathroom before we left?

Uh-uh. Didn't have to.

You?

Naw.

Should have though.

Why?

Coloured guy knocking at the back door.

Can't let him out now.

He'll have to wait.

I know.

It's just a-huffin' and a-puffin' right now.

I know.

Bumpy road.

Bumpy.

I wonder if the counselors are gonna be on our backs this whole trip.

I don't know.

I hope not, I'd sure like to get one of the boys inside for a little

Ding Dong?

You gotta cally that thing all the time we on trip?

The Bible says,

'Carry thee always with thine eyes, and I shall dust with flesh.'

– Matthew, chapter 17, verse 3,

Ocean's 11.

You so full of shit, you eyes are brown.

Burn, heathen!

The Bible says,

'Cast ye not stones, lest ye be stoned.'

– Luke, chapter 5, verse 3,

Seagrams 7.

I think – you stoned!

Reckon we're here.

Whatcha lookin' for?

Place to squat and plop.

Brown guy still waiting at the door?

Already got his foot out.

FEE FI FO FUM,

I smell the blood of a Bible thump...er.

So, you be in charge...

Be you?

Ya'll from that church that once closed this place down

when it were a nudist camp?

And yet you still have the balls to come to this place?

Does ya'll know what happened before?

I mean, what happened to the last group that came from your church?

We're well aware of the accident that took place a couple of years ago.

It wadn't no accident!

I was here that night.

I seed it all...

I even told the guy that be runnin' your church

that this place ain't safe for yo' kind.

I told him that befo'!

What's a beefo'?

For making honey, I guess.

When this place were a nudist camp, the residents kept to themselves.

Then you holy dudes come around and shut it down.

And the nudists get pissed off, big time!

I know, I know...

And the remaining nudists all poisoned themselves,

rather than give up their land.

We all know that story.

When I first took the job as ranger here,

the guy that was ranger befo' me

tried to tell me 'bout what he once seed.

I didn't believe him.

But the one night,

...I seed fo' myself.

And I seed the dead walk these parts, whenever you religious folk drop by.

And every time...

They be murderin'.

What's a 'seed'?

For sproutin' plants.

I SEED 'EM!

Them nudist corpses...

They walk!

They talk!

Shit, they fucking dance!

I know what they capable of doin'!

Well what exactly have you seen?

It happened one night, about two years ago.

I heard a noise, outside my door.

I hear there's a scream, says 'let me go',

Then an ugly old sound and I don't hear no more.

A gurgly sound and he don't hear no more.

I says to myself, someone's been doin' wrong.

Somebody's where they don't belong.

I opens the door, and what does I see?

A bloody old head, staring back up at me.

A bloody old head, staring back up at he.

That bloody old head belonged to a girl,

The prettiest girl in this whole damn world.

So I picks up the phone, and calls the cops,

And then thru the window, the rest of her flops.

And then through the window, the rest of her flops.

The phone's disconnected, that's easy to see.

And I says that there trouble be.

I runs outside and what does I found?

15 more kids, all sprawled on the ground.

15 more kids, all sprawled on the ground.

Uuh-uuh, Uuh-uuh,

Uuh-uuh-uuh.

Now one of these stabbed and one of these shot.

And thru look like they're startin' to rot.

They all been breaked at those rough attacks,

By dumb dung crazy maniacs.

What? Where? Maniacs?

This ghastly sight made me lose my stance,

And I dumped a load inside my pants.

Then I hears a grunt from off the side,

And sees one poor kid aint quite died.

One poor kid ain't died.

Ain't a quite right died.

He calls me over, and then he said,

The dudes to blaim, be nude and dead.

He say, they be nudists of the past,

and now they're back to kick some ass.

Now they're back! They're back!

To kick some ass!

I looks myself, and thought I was nuts.

But I sees these folks with naked butts.

They gray and torn and one of them shout,

No more zealots over coming back out!

No more zealots are coming back out!

When the police come, to see the dead,

I tell them what the killers said.

They tells me, boy! This park's now closed.

There's no more campin', now go blow your nose.

No more campin', and that's how it goes.

Uuh-uuh, Uuh-uuh,

Uuh-uuh, Uuh-uuh,

Uuh-uuh-uuh.

Now I sees you hear in front of me,

And I say that this can not be.

If you don't leaves now, without a doubt,

Some blood will shed, befo' this weekend is out.

You don't know what you talkin' about.

He don't know what he's talking about.

And I says to you, get your kids out fast,

Cause if you don't, gonna be yo' ass.

Them dudes killed once and they'll kill again,

So pack up now, I'z warnin' you, man.

So pack up now,

So pack up now,

So pack up now,

He's warning us, man.

We go home now?

Go.

Don't be ridiculous,

he's obviously sufforing from delusions.

Delusions?!

I's seed 'em!

They squeezed the life outta them kids, like...

like they was tomatoes in season.

Well I say we stay.

I have no intentions of returning home after travelling 150 miles to

the middle of nowhere, because of some over-paranoid ranger.

I agree.

Let's just put our faith in the Lord!

I mean that is what we're here for, isn't it?

How'd she know that we're in the middle of nowhere?

Don't know.

But if you know, we could be off to the side of nowhere...

Ya'll does what you wanna do.

For so long as you stay – I be gone.

I ain't goin' thru that shit no more.

Let's get started.

Started.

Herro, radies!

My name's Juan Tu and this a Lou.

What bootyful girls!

What do you think, Rou?

The Bible says,

'Beauty is only skin deep, but ugliness goes straight to thy bones.'

– Romans, chapter 4, verse 21,

Oxy 5.

Enough what the Bible says.

Why you always gotta shove you Bible down people throat?

How you like if someone do that to you?

I'm just spreading his word.

Here. Ret me help you!

MY BIBLE!

You'll have to excuse Rou.

He's a real obsessive when it come to the Bible.

A little obsessive?

He makes the pope sound like Andrew Dice Clay.

That heathenistic scum!

That pagan slant-eyed bastard!

How dare he not respect my personal property!

Make him burn in hell, Lord!

Make him burn in hell for this!

Oh my God.

What did I say?

I wish still that I'm one of your children.

Forgive me, oh Lord!

I spoke from emotion like an unworthy sinner.

I didn't mean it, I take it back.

Don't make him burn in hell.

Just let him singe a finger or two on the campfire.

Hallelujah!

Son of a bitch.

Then, Captain Guppy, told his girl... woman... friend pal

that he was leaving her all alone in the auto-car,

what to go for gasoline,

...and a sweet roll.

Gasoline...

and a sweet roll.

And he tells her, it has to be a specially made sweet roll.

With they be nuts and chocolate crusters.

And he was gone for quite some time.

For these sweet rolls are only found at Thrifty Mart.

And most of them were closed.

...for it was well after midnight.

So she's gettin' to hide in the backseat of the car,

Not to open the door. For anyone.

And then, after a few minutes,

she then hears a scratching sound

on the rooftop of the car.

And figures... something is not right.

Not right.

What is going on here?

Ugh.. Tellin the kids a ghost story, ma'am.

Ghost story.

Ma'am.

Where do you satanists get off,

telling demonic stories on this retreat?

If anything, you should be telling Bible stories.

I got one.

Just funnin' with the kids, ma'am.

Just funnin'.

Ma'am.

This is a religious retreat, which has nothing to do with fun.

Do you think Jesus had fun when he was being nailed on the cross?

Do you think Noah had fun when he watched all his neighbours drownding?

Do you think Cecil B. Demille had fun

when he parted the Red Sea

and sent his crew into golden overtime?

Maybe you're being a little harsh?

Shut up, Luger! I wasn't talking to you.

Ah, come on, Miss Stucco. We're just having some fun.

The Bible says,

Shut up!

All of you.

May I remind you that we're all here to find God.

This here God guy sure does get lost a lot.

Seems like everybody's out, trying to locate him.

And we're not about to find him, telling ghost stories. Are we?

Are we?

Are we?!

Now, I want you all to open your Bibles,

and read Jeremiah, chapters 4 through 20.

Excellent passage! Excellent!

Now I'm going to wash up, and when I return,

I'm going to have each and every one of you

recite every passage in the chapter.

And if you so much as miss one word,

I'll force you,

to watch 'Oh God, Book II', when we get back.

And don't think I won't.

Dear Lord,

Bless this face for which I am about to wash.

May you get deeply into the pores and cleanse away the oils.

So as not to form large running boils,

for which I will then have to use the Devil's paint to hide them.

Amen.

We're back!

...scumface.

Please, Lord!

Protect me from this unholy act that's about to take place!

Forgive me, Father, for they know not what they're doing.

Up yours, pussface!

We know exactly what we're doing.

No more zealots!

No more zealots!

I called you.

What you got?

Full house.

You win again.

Damn!

Lucky.

Real lucky today.

Just how long does she expect these kids to read?

You win again.

Damn!

Don't know how you could be so lucky.

Don't know.

Real lucky today.

Lucky.

Got to see your scrotum.

Four times.

Four.

You wanna play again?

Yeah!

Okay, everybody?

Bed time.

Just a second, Miss Luger.

I just wanna finish this passage, it's my favourite!

Gus,

why do you wear that?

What?

What...?

That mask.

Why does everybody have to ask such stupid questions?

Jesus Christ!

Haven't you ever seen a man in a catcher's mask before?

Go to a fucking baseball game sometime!

Gosh.

I should've warned you about that.

Gee, what's wrong with him?

Well...

We were at a party together a few years ago.

And we met two ladies there...

Things were going pretty swell when,

one of the ladies mentioned that

that...

that he resembled Barry Manilow.

Wow, how awful!

You telling me.

Ever since that night he's always worn that face mask.

Well can you blame him?

Uh-uh.

You, um...

wanna come into my tent and get plastered with me?

Better not,

we're minors.

Well...

Good night, Art.

I hope Gus feels better tomorrow.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, um...

Tell him I don't think he looks like Barry Manilow at all.

I think he looks more like Johnny Bench!

Good dogs.

Good dogs.

Know why the call these dogs?

Yes.

You do?

Uh huh.

Me too.

Yep.

Good dogs.

Yeah!

All right, Lord!

That's it.

You turn out a right, and you go to sreep!

The Bible says,

'Sleep ye not, lest ye dream of grazing sheep.'

– Corinthians, chapter 10, verse 3,

Jaws 2.

What the hell that supposed to mean?

I don't wanna hear any more tonight.

Now you turn out a right, and you go to sreep!

The Bible says,

'Be patient with those sheep a-grazing the fields,

lest ye have lamb chops in the morning.'

– Isaiah, chapter 6, verse 4,

Magnificent 7.

Does the Bible say anything about me spritting your rip?

I'll look it up.

Easy, you're gonna tear the binding!

GO TO SREEP!

(mumbling Japanese)

Dear Lord,

make him burn in hell.

For trying to keep me from readin' thy word.

Forgive me, oh Lord! Forgive me!

Don't let him burn in hell.

Just let him... scorch his tongue on some real hot cocoa.

(mumbling Japanese)

Come on, Gus. You can't go through life

wearing that thing and then get mad when someone asks about it.

Yeah well,

How come no one ever asks you why you wear garter belts?

Because... no one can see them.

Oh.

Tired?

No.

Bored?

Bored.

Not much to do out here, off to the side to nowhere's.

Not much.

Naked twister?

Okay.

Right hand - green.

Miss Stucco?

Miss Stucco?

Meet your maker, boogerhair!

Did you hear that?

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Okay, I want one.

Loot at this sky! look at this world!

Look at the boys, look at the girls!

It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning,

Morning!

Morning!

Morning, Morning!

The air is fresh, brisk and sweet,

Why I could even smell your feet!

It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning! Morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning,

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning!

Feel the sun, breathe the air!

Mind if I touch you there?

It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning! Morning!

Morning!

I want bleakfast. Have some brandy.

Can't live on that, the Bible said!

It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning, morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning,

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning! Morning!

Morning!

I feel, oh, so neat.

From my armpits to my seat

I'm a feather on my feet.

You betcha!

Well I don't feel so right,

I didn't sleep all night.

Be careful or he's gonna get ya...

Who?

Satan!

How can she feel so bad?

It's the greatest time I've ever had.

But it's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning! Morning!

It's not her fault that she's not sound,

I think the devil's got her down.

But it's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning! Morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning! Morning!

It's an ink kink kink!

Dink dink dink!

Inky! Winky!

Pinky! Slinky!

Stinky! Blinky!

Minky! Finky!

Rinky! Kinky!

Huh?

Kinky?

Sowwy...

It's an inky-dinky-doo-dah morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning, morning!

Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.

Inky-dinky-doo-dah!

Morning!

Morning, morning!

Morning!

Good morning!

Morning, morning,

Morning, morning. Inky-dinky-doo-dah morning.

Morning, morning,

Morning!

Morning!

Does anybody notice someone missing?

Who?

Where are Luger and Stucco?

Hey yeah.

They just don't reave without a leason.

Has anybody seen them at all today?

The Bible says,

'Look not for the servants who watch the sheep that graze the fields...

for they may be found behind them moving their rears.'

– Peter, chapter 4, verse 12,

Revolution 9.

I wonder what happened to our counselors.

Shelly, what's wrong?

Shelly?

...Shelly?

Shelly?

Sherry?

Shelly, what is it? What is it!

The Bible says,

'Bend her over, and slap her other cheeks!'

They're dead!

Who's dead?

Both of them! Luger and Stucco.

What?

Their heads are...

Well, show us where you found them.

I'm not going back there.

The Bible says,

'Walk ye through the valleys of the shadows and fear no head.'

– Mark, chapter 2, verse 3,

Henry VIII.

I am not going back there!

Okay. Where is it?

We'll go ourselves.

It's right down by the pool.

Come on.

Think we should check this out?

You better remember where we left off, God damnit.

Okay, pull me in row.

Okay, back now.

Pull me in row.

Look. Looky there.

Now what is it?

In my tent, the rest of their bodies!

It's them alright!

We better call somebody for help.

Where are we gonna find a phone around here?

I... I saw on ranger station up the trail aways.

Good idea!

Alright, a few of you come with me,

The rest go back to camp, stick together!

Come on!

Tarnation... tarn.

What you make of that?

Square nuts.

Pretty darn good ones too!

It's locked.

We're never gonna get any help.

We're all gonna die!

And me at seventeen without ever having tried nipple lube!

Ohh!

We'll let's break it down.

Well made door.

Come on

Uh-uh-uh!

The Bible says,

'Let he who is without sin, break the first glass.'

– Kings, chapter 2, verse 19,

Crazy Eights.

MY BIBLE!

Follow him.

Let's go.

Next.

Gus, look, you stay out here, keep a look out, alright?

You got it.

Let's go, Max.

Burn the heathen, Lord!

Make him turn all brown and crispy

with fried puss all over his body!

Show him the folly of his evil ways.

Hello! Hello! Operator? Operator?

I'm trying... Operator?

Operator?

What is it?

This should be in the wall?

Oh that's just GREAT!

I don't see it as great.

It'd be great if it is put in the wall, then it'd be great.

Then it would be great.

Being that it's not in the wall, I...

I'd say it's more like it's a...

Shitty.

That's witty, it's a shitty!

What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do!

Probably die, I reckon.

Die.

I shouldn't go like this.

I watch the 700 Club every day.

I go to church twice on Sundays.

I am a jury member of the Pat Boone Fan Club!

Okay. Let's go back go camp.

We can discuss this with the others.

Hungry?

A little.

You like hamster?

Will you two shut up!

Gentlemen, this reminds me of a real funny Bible story.

No.

What's wrong?

D'ya go to the bathroom before we left camp?

Didn't have to.

You?

Naw.

Should have though.

Why?

Brownie is ready to come out of the microwave.

Can't serve now.

Gotta let him bake a few more minutes.

They knew all about it, it's happened before!

I want my mommy! I wanna go home!

I wanna get 40000 dollars a year and live in a condo with Tom Hanks!

Fanny, would you just shut your God damn mouth for a minute!

Now that's no way to talk, young lady.

I will take you over my knee!

You can take me over your knee.

Later.

Shelly, what are you ranning about?

I found this in the cabin.

It's a record of all the murders that have taken place here before.

Everytime someone's sent out here on a religious retreat

they've all been murdered!

Let me see that.

Alright it says that Reverend Ritz has been aware of the series of murders,

that have taken place and has chosen to shrug them off as accidents.

Well murders... by who?

Holy sweet mama of the righteous baby!

Looks like a bit of a ruckus went down here.

A bit.

Juan!

Are you alright?

I'm scared shitress.

What happened here? Who did this?

I don't know.

I go to bathroom for five minutes,

I come out, I see all these kids with bloods on them.

I get so scared I'm ready to turn and hide.

I'm no Bruce Ree!

Art, over here!

What happened?

I don't know.

All I remember is seeing the ground really close up.

Why are you wearing a catcher's mask?

Ohh!

Sorry about that.

He's a little sensitive about his looks.

I need a drink.

Give me something, quick!

Do you have anything without sugar?

I'm trying to cut down on my calories.

This is it, pal.

Okay.

Oh, damn!

Jesus.

Sorry.

You okay?

Just a headache

all over.

The Bible says,

'Be strong, lest ye be weak.'

– Chronicles 16, verse 1, Top 10.

Is he for real?

No.

Look. Who did this to you?

Ugh. It was the na...

The na...

Na...

Na...

Na...ked people.

Where are they now?

I'm a head, not a bloodhound!

Well up yours!

Art, Art, he's handicapped...

He's probably dead now.

Phew-ee!

This one looks like he died painful.

Looks like the eyes done got scooped outta this one.

No more eyes.

I see.

He don't.

Alright, everyone, listen to me!

Let's get to the bus. We're getting outta here right now.

Any questions?

Well I got a question.

What is it, Mr. Mucky?

When does food turn into poop, ya know?

Stokes says happens right about here.

I think it kinda works its way out tryin'

down there, you know, and...

Does anybody know how to hotwire a van?

Juan, you can't do a hotwire?

But you're part Mexican.

Hey, I'm part Japanese too

and I don't know how to bomb a harbor either.

Lighten up, everyone!

Look.

Check Luger's belongings, the keys may be stashed there.

I wanna get outta here.

I don't berong here!

The Bible says,

'Faith shall be ye support, lest ye cave in.

Unlike the sheep that grazin' the fields.'

– Matthew, chapter...

Does the Bible say stick it up your ass?!

I'll check on it.

Now calm down, everybody!

We will get out of here.

Just as soon as we get the keys.

Make him burn in the darkest dankest pits of hell, Lord.

Make him suck on festerin' warts off of Satan's hairy toes.

This is awful! This is beyond awful!

This is borderline horrendous!

Calm down. Let's try and think of a rational solution to this.

We're Christians, we're not supposed to think.

We'll be rational.

I got 'em! I got the keys!

They were right next to her Ben Wa Balls.

Her what?

Great, let's get out of here!

It's not going to start.

We're all gonna die out here in the middle of nowhere,

I'm gonna die at seventeen without ever having a husband,

or a family... or even an orgasm.

Scissors cuts paper.

Damn.

Damn lucky today.

Damn lucky.

Maybe we should play it for money instead...

Naw!

What's wrong?

The entire engine was taken out of the van.

What?

It's gone.

Somebody stole the engine!

Now, don't go accusin'! I mean maybe somebody just might've

...misplaced it.

Let's we make a lun for it!

Run where? The nearest city is fifty miles!

Maybe when a car passes, we can hitch a ride.

Have any of you seen one car pass by since we've been here?

The Bible says,

'The car in the fields, alongside...'

Please!

We have to remain calm.

Who made you boss?

Yeah.

Make 'em choke on Satan's vomit, Lord.

Relax, all of you.

Now we're not going to get anywhere with panic!

I don't think we're gonna get anywhere, period.

Period.

We're gonna die.

We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna...

Don't touch me.

I don't wanna be touched.

Fondled, maybe...

But, but not touched.

Would you try to comfort her?

You may think that some sad things have happened today.

And some murders might make you depressed.

And you'd think how can God let this happen, but hey...!

Just think of it all,

as a test.

Doo-doo da-da Da doo-doo da-da

Da doo-doo da-da da doo-doo da-da

He's testing us to see, if we have faith in he.

He's testing us to see if we trust.

Living through some deaths is a nominal feat.

To be sure our salvation is just.

Now we're all gonna die and that day may come soon,

but we can't let it be by a crazy baboon.

That's it!

What's it?

Listen.

It's obvious that this guy gets off on our fear and terror of death.

So... all we've gotta do

is pretend that none of us are afraid.

He'll get discouraged and leave us alone.

Sound good?

How do we do that?

Now we're all gonna die, and that's okay with me.

The thought of losing my life makes me shiver with glee.

And I don't care

if the blood trickles down on my face.

It's just one great way of me leaving this race.

We don't mind

if someone slashes 'cross our throat.

Then sits back to burp,

fart and gloat.

He can gouge out all our eyes,

he can castrate all the guys.

Throw their balls in the river

and see if they float.

We don't care if someone shoots us.

Shoots us with a gun.

To us, that's the only way to have some real fun.

They can poison our drinks,

till we vomit in the sinks.

Then rub our dead bodies in it, when we are done.

We don't care

if someone chops us up to bits.

Being dismembered has its benefits.

So after they've done the crime,

we can be in several places at one time.

In fact, being a whole person is really the piss.

It don't bother us

if someone pulls out all our guts.

Then stuffs them back,

into our little butts.

They can chop us and then grind us,

so no one can find us.

Then make ornaments

from our nuts.

Don't care if someone cuts off

my ears.

Ears.

Then I guess, I wouldn't be able

to hears.

Couldn't hears.

They could pull off both my arms.

They could do me lots of harms.

Then they could go and

drink a couple of beers.

Light?

I guess that's okay.

I don't care if someone's take a hatchet off my nose,

or if someone cut off all my rittle toes.

He can hurt me, he can beat me,

he can chew me up and eat me.

I just smile and then

I'll go with the frow.

The Bible says,

That ye shall fear no man.

So long as ye have faith in heart and hand.

So when this guy tries to slay,

I will kneel down and pray.

And if he kills me

you know heaven is

where I'll land.

Hallelujah!

He can kill me.

I don't really care.

I'll never again

have to bleach my hair.

Or answer to my Ma.

Or stuff Kleenex in my bra.

Or even wonder what I'm gonna wear.

So let this weirdo

cut into our brain

and splatter it around this natural terrain.

We are not scared of this jerk.

We don't care where he may lurk.

We just hope

he doesn't leave

a stain.

Alright everyone,

so go back to your tents and put on some warm clothes.

We may be walking through the night.

Let's go.

Gus!

It's up to us to keep everyone calm,

so if you get afraid... don't show it.

These people are looking up to us for support and guidance,

so we can't scare them by acting afraid ourselves.

We're gonna make it, pal.

We're gonna make it.

Hey.

You're not Gus!

You're... You're naked!

You're history!

You know what this is gonna do to my tennis game?

'...and I leave all my personal possessions to Fluffy, my sheep.

Who didn't 'baaa' as loudly as my others,

when I pumped it in the rear.'

Get outta here.

How's it going?

What size you reckon those are?

Mm... about a 9.

Thinkin' of gettin' some use out of 'em?

Thinkin' about it.

Looks like he got a better lunch than we did.

Where'd he get dessert?

I think we should split up.

I think so too.

I think we should go somewhere and get plastered.

I think so too.

Oh, you're nuts!

What about 'em?

I seen 'em lots of times.

Don't rub it in.

We can't split up, there's safety in numbers.

Oh, were their numbers safe?

Logical girl.

Logical.

And the killer can't be everywhere.

I mean, odds are, if we split up, then

most of us will be safe until we can get some help.

What'd you just say?

I said, if we split up...

No, before that.

What, the killer can't be everywhere?

Oh, my God, Oh, my God!

I know who the killer is.

Who?

Satan!

Satan?

Isn't that a singer group?

I think they split up.

The killer has to be everywhere.

We're battling the devil himself.

He's here, he's there,

Good God, he's everywhere!

We've got a real battle now with Satan.

He's short, he's tall,

he's crucified them all.

I tell you, we can't stand around here waiting,

waiting, waiting.

We're put here for a purpose,

we are the chosen ones.

Are moms are here to burp us,

I've think I've got the runs!

I'm certain that I'm right,

we've gotta stand and fight.

We've got a real battle here with Satan.

Satan, Satan.

Uuuh.

I'm ready to begin,

I feel a strength within.

I'm ready to do battle with the Devil.

Don't need to be afraid,

from faith I haven't strayed.

I'll face him and I'll beat him and I'll revel.

Revel, revel.

When you're fighting with the demon

and you've got God inside.

You know you can cream 'em!

Your winning odds are wide!

God's giving us a message

and that's why our friends died.

We've got a real battle now with Satan.

We really need not fear,

I promise you God's here.

You'll see to it we'll win or won't we, Satan?

Not another tear,

God's kicked us in the rear.

We've gotta stop this killing and this hating.

Hating, hating.

Because we now know who's the cause of all this fuss.

A cause, we believe, our Lord will deliver us.

When we're done with Satan,

he will be oozing puss.

Yeah I'm ready!

She's ready!

I'm set!

She's set!

I'm ready to do battle now with Satan.

The devil can travel

in any disguise.

He can roam on this Earth,

telling falsehood and lies.

But someone like me,

can knock him down the sides.

I'm gonna fight the battle now with Satan.

Satan, Satan.

Now Satan must know that his days can't be long.

Because of this moment, I feel twice as strong!

So come on now, we'll be friends,

and you can't go wrong.

I'm ready!

She's ready!

Are you ready?

Yeah, we're ready!

You set?

You bet!

Say it loud!

We are set!

Say it proud!

We are set!

We are ready to do battle now with Sa.....

Are we still ready?

Bull's-eye.

Rook! ROOK!

This is no time to think of chess.

Nooo! Rook over there!

The Bible says, 'hold!

...lest ye be stopped.'

Wow, thanks for stopping.

The Bible says,

'Ye who stoppeth to smell the roses,

...shall be ready whence thou farts.'

You wanna read my Bible?

You like it, huh?

Like what it has to say?

He always wanted to go that way.

HORY SHIT!

Everybody, spread out!

The other way.

Hey, it's okay to follow them!

Juan?

Remember what the Bible says,

'Fear not, lest ye be he.

Have faith, be strong.'

Rou? Rou stirr arive?

No, I bought the farm.

But don't you be afraid.

Afraid?

I scared shitress!

Strengthen your faith.

You will survive.

Faith is the answer.

Stop running.

You will live.

How do you know what happens?

Things are much clearer on this side.

Then how come you so out of focus?

Just have faith.

Your only fear is your lack of faith.

I have faith, Rue!

Then stop running...

You will see.

Are you sure about this?

Stop runnin', and see what happens.

I have faith!

STOP!

What happened?

You say my faith go' save me.

You say I will survive?

Well are you one stupid nip.

(mumble Japanese)

Anybody hungry?

I'm hungry.

Any dogs left?

You want dogs?

I have a taste for the little vermins.

Dogs.

Dogs that hit the spot.

Did I ever tell you why they call these 'dogs'?

Let's find a place where we can get some rest.

Those maniacs, and you really wanna rest?

It's gonna be getting dark soon.

We're not gonna get anywhere running blindly at night.

If we can't see them, hopefully the can't see us.

You hear something?

I hear you waking me up.

Anything else?

I heard your stomach a-squealin'.

Listen!

Oh don't worry about that...

What is it?

It's morning down in China.

They gettin' outta bed and goin' off to work.

The Chinese?

Yep.

See. It's more quiet out here, so we're more aware of it.

It happens every day about this time.

Don't worry none.

They goin' off to work, the Chinese.

Damn, you're smart.

I oughta be.

Went through the 6th grade.

Five times.

I thought you went to the 5th grade.

Six times.

Same difference.

Good night.

Good night.

You see anything?

No.

Come on, let's take a rest.

How can we rest at a time like this?

So you liked getting plastered, didn't ya?

Oh my God!

We kill you all, every last one.

Our buns don't rest, till the work is done.

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Those zealots make us cry, they wage war on us.

Now we make you die, it be glorious.

We have no peace, since we end our lives.

So we take yours now, we use hand and knives.

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Killed killed killled all the zealots!

No place to run, no place to hide.

If you trust in God, hope he's on your side.

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

When getting dead, you will find no grace.

We are gonna pull off your god gummed face.

Killed killed killed all the zealots!

Killed killed killed all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

We led our lives the best we could.

We all were kind and very good.

But then your kind had come along,

you stuck your noses where they didn't belong.

You took away our lives.

And gave us war and strife.

We all felt death to us was right,

and knew one day, we would end the fight.

You see when you have a worthy cause,

then that will make you pause.

So now we're having a real big treat,

Cause even in death, revenge is sweet!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Kill kill kill all the zealots!

Don't worry, toots!

Here comes the cavalry!

Go ahead, try to run away.

I'm gonna take your leg off like it were clay.

Shit.

Aw... come on, none of that.

You gon give me a boner.

How did you know we were in trouble?

I knewd it from the moment ya'll was going to stay here.

Oh, what took you so long!

It ain't easy getting a chopper for men.

Now they're gone, we can rest in peace.

For the time being, our killing spree has ceased.

Killed killed killed all the zealots!

Killed killed killed all the zealots!

Just try again to cross our path,

cause if you do, you will feel our wrath.

We killed killed killed all the zealots!

Killed killed killed all the zealots!

Killed killed killed all the zealots!

They're going away...

Of course, all they wanted was their land back.

Their land?

Of course, don't you know what happened before?

I'm surprised that your teachers never gave you the score,

about the shit, that happened befo'...

I told 'em once, and they didn't know,

those pissed off corpses wanted them to go.

You see it happened down there about two years ago,

starting with a noise outside my door...

So remember, my brethren.

The retreat leaves tomorrow!

You have a chance to join your children,

and save those fornicators!

Amen. Hallelujah.

Go in peace, my children.

You knew all about it!

You talkin' to me, miss?

How could you send us all out on that retreat,

knowing about what happened years ago?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Fornicator!

They're all dead, everyone!

Do you mind?

Just tell me why.

Why would you send us all out there knowing about the history of the place?

Everyone's dead?

I barely escaped myself.

But you did escape...

You're one of them!

The only one that really matters.

Nudist Colony of the Dead!

Dead! Dead! Dead!

You will likely be torn to shreds

at the nudist colony of the dead.

You'll be shaking in your boots,

by corpses in their birthday suits.

The horror mounts, the terror grows,

These monsters have no use for clothes!

They are dead without a doubt,

And their butts are sticking out.

Killing people to and fro,

decomposing as they go!

You'll get murdered merrily,

by dead folks without modesty.

They'll kill and hurt and chop and maim,

exposing gonads with no shame.

Nudist Colony of the Dead

Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Nudist Colony of the Dead

Dead! Dead! Dead!

There's one place we all dread...

It's the nudist colony,

Nudist Colony of the Dead.

Nudist colony, nudist of the dead.

Nudist colony, nudist colony of the dead.

Nudist colony, nudist of the dead.

Nudist colony, nudist colony of the dead.

Nudist colony, nudist of the dead.

Nudist colony, nudist colony of the dead.

Nudist colony,

NUDIST COLONY OF THE DEAD!