All language subtitles for Never a Dull Moment (1950)

NEXT BULLDOGGER
IS CYCLONE PETE JONES.

NEXT CONTESTANT,
CHRIS HAYWARD.

MY WORD! SPECTACULAR, ISN'T IT?

COMING OUT OF
THE CHUTES NOW, SLIM WILLIAMS.

IT LOOKS PRETTY SILLY TO ME-

WRESTLING
WITH COWS.

WHY DON'T THEY
WRESTLE MEN?

IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

WHAT PURPOSE CAN IT
POSSIBLY SERVE?

THAT'S HOW THEY GET
THOSE POUNDED STEAKS.

YOU DON'T SAY!

THAT CONCLUDES
THE BULLDOGGING CONTEST.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WHILE THEY'RE PREPARING
FOR THE NEXT EVENT,

I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE TO YOU

THE LADY WHO'S RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS BENEFIT,

MISS KAY KINGSLEY.

MOST OF YOU KNOW
MISS KINGSLEY,

BUT FOR ANYONE WHO HAPPENS
TO HAVE BEEN LOCKED UP

IN A DARK CLOSET
FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS,

SHE'S WRITTEN A LOT
OF SUCCESSFUL SONGS-

SOME OF THE TOP
BROADWAY MUSICALS.

OH. SHE'S ASKED ME TO REMIND
YOU THAT I COLLABORATED WITH HER,

SO I WILL, BUT I DON'T
NEED TO BE REMINDED

BECAUSE SHE'S EVERYTHING
THAT ANY MAN COULD HOPE FOR

AND NOW, WHILE THE COLLECTION
BOXES ARE BEING PASSED,

KAY IS GOING TO SING
ONE OF OUR LATEST SONGS.

FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO THANK
ALL THE COWBOYS WHO CAME OVER HERE

FROM MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
TO PUT ON THIS TERRIFIC SHOW.

LET'S GIVE THEM
A REAL BIG HAND.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

THESE RODEOS WILL BE
HOLDING KNITTING CONTESTS.

YEAH.

* ONCE YOU FIND
YOUR GUY *

* YOU'LL KNOW THE WORDS
TO ALL THE LOVE SONGS ARE TRUE *

* AND ONCE YOU FIND
YOUR GUY *

* IT WOULDN'T MATTER
IF THE EARTH SPLIT IN TWO *

* THOSE LONELY DAYS
YOU DREADED *

* WILL VANISH
FROM YOUR SIGHT *

* THE FUTURE THAT WAS DARK
LOOKS BRIGHT *

* SO ONCE YOU FIND
YOUR GUY *

* THE ONE AND ONLY
WHO IS RIGHT FROM THE START *

* DON'T WAIT
TILL IT'S TOO LATE *

* BUT LET HIM KNOW THAT HE
IS FIRST IN YOUR HEART... *

MAN, ORVIE, THERE'S A
GAL I COULD REALLY GO FOR.

YOU COULD?
WELL, LET'S GO OVER.

MAYBE SHE'S GOT
A FRIEND.

SHH.

*... WHEN LOVE
IS PASSING BY *

* LIFE STARTS *

* THE DAY YOU FIND
YOUR GUY *

I'M TELLING YOU, ORVIE,
THERE'S A WOMAN.

WHY ARE YOU
TELLING ME?

WHY DON'T YOU
TELL HER?

YOU MEAN-AHH!

SURE WOULD LIKE
TO MEET HER, THOUGH.

DON'T SET PERCHED UP
THERE LIKE AN OLD BARN OWL.

JUST WALK UP AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF.

THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS
DONE, AND IT NEVER MISSED.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT
WITH A CITY WOMAN.

THE HECK YOU CAN'T. I
DONE IT WITH A CITY WOMAN.

MET ELLIE MAE, MY SECOND
WIFE, IN WALLA WALLA,

RIGHT ON
THE MAIN STREET.

HAPPIEST 3 MONTHS OF MY
LIFE WAS WITH ELLIE MAE.

THIS GAL'S
NO RANCH WOMAN.

OH, RANCH WOMAN,
CITY WOMAN!

PUT THEM IN
A MOTHER HUBBARD

AND ON THE LONG END OF A
CHURN, AND THEY'RE ALL ALIKE.

Announcer: BUCKING HORSE RIDERS,
PLEASE REPORT TO THE CHUTES.

YES, SIR, NOW, SHE
LOOKS STOUT AND HEALTHY.

AND IF YOU ASK ME, CHRIS,
SHE'D MAKE YOU A FINE WIFE

AND TAKE MIGHTY GOOD CARE
OF THEM KIDS OF YOURS, TOO.

HEY, YOU WANT ME TO GO ON
OVER THERE AND TELL HER?

NO, I DON'T!

OH, BUT, CHRIS,
YOU DO NEED A WIFE.

UH-HUH.

WILL ALL BUCKING HORSE
RIDERS PLEASE REPORT TO THE CHUTES?

HOWDY, MA'AM.

OH, HOWDY!

WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU?

WELL, IT'S ME THAT'S
DOING THE DOING, MISS.

I GOT A T-OFF
FOR YOU.

REALLY?
WHAT IS IT?

WELL, I KNOW A FELLA THAT
THINKS YOU'RE PRETTY SALTY.

WELL, THAT'S
MIGHTY SWEET OF HIM.

ANYBODY I KNOW?

NO, BUT IT'S SOMEBODY YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.

HA HA! WELL, YOU TELL HIM
THANKS A MILLION,

AND TELL HIM I THINK
HE'S SALTED, TOO.

YOU TETHERED?

AM I WHAT?

TETHERED.
HITCHED. MARRIED.

NO.

WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE
HE'S LOOKING FOR A WOMAN,

AND IT'S TIME A GAL LIKE
YOU WAS LOOKING FOR A MAN.

WELL...

SHE SURE IS LOOKING FOR A MAN, PARTNER.

WELL, GOOD,
AND I GOT HIM.

HE JUST AIN'T THE
KIND OF A COWPOKE

THAT COTTONS UP TO ANY OLD GAL, EITHER.

MATTER OF FACT IS,
YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE

HE'S ADMIRED SINCE
HE BURIED MARTHA.

WELL, I'M VERY
FLATTERED.

WELL,
YOU OUGHT TO BE.

HE'S A GOOD CATCH

AND THE BEST DAD-BURNED
COWHAND YOU'LL EVER SEE.

SURE SHE WANTS
TO MEET HIM, COWBOY.

BRING
THE CRITTER ON.

THAT'S A DEAL.

FIRST CONTESTANT,
CHRIS HAYWARD,

RIDING BUZZ BOMB.

ALL RIGHT, TURN HIM OUT OF HERE.

THAT'S HIM, MA'AM.

I WISH HE'D HOLD STILL
SO WE COULD SEE HIS FACE.

YOU'LL SEE IT
WHEN HE LANDS.

NEXT RIDER, LAREDO
"RED" HIGGINS FROM CARAMORE.

AHH!

SET ME DOWN, ORV.

WELL, HERE HE IS, NUMBER 7.

HE'S A NATURAL.

NICE RIDE.

OH, THANK YOU.

SET ME DOWN,
YOU KNOTHEAD.

HOW DO YOU MAKE THE HORSE JUMP THAT WAY?

YOU'D JUMP, TOO, LADY, IF YOU HAD
A HAIR ROPE TIED AROUND YOUR BELLY.

ANYWAY, THIS IS HIM.

MISS KINGSLEY,
MEET CHRIS HAYWARD.

GLAD TO KNOW
YOU, MA'AM.

HOW ABOUT YOU GALS
JOINING US AT SHORTIE'S

RIGHT AFTER
THE SHOW TONIGHT?

CHRIS WILL THROW A HAMBURGER
BUST FOR THE WHOLE BUNCH.

OH, ORV, THEY WOULDN'T
LIKE SHORTIE'S.

OH, THEY WOULD TOO.

SHORTIE PUTS MORE GOOP IN HIS
SANDWICHES THAN ANYBODY IN TOWN.

WELL, IT SOUNDS
WONDERFUL.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU BRING NUMBER
7 UP TO MISS KINGSLEY'S?

SHE'D BE DELIGHTED.

WOULDN'T YOU, KAY?

WELL, THAT WOULD
BE NICE, SOMETIME.

IT'S FIFTY FOUR
CENTRAL PARK WEST.

MAKE IT SOON!

WE WILL-MAYBE SOONER
THAN YOU THINK.

HERE COMES
DENVER DAN BAILEY.

I'M AWFULLY
SORRY, MA'AM.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT
GOING TO RING IT.

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

ME EITHER.

I FEEL ABOUT
THE SAME WAY I DID

WHEN I BULLDOGGED
MY FIRST STEER.

HMM. OH, MY LOVE,

YOU DO TURN
A NEAT COMPLIMENT.

I MEAN EXCITED AND PROUD
AND KIND OF HOLLOW INSIDE.

YOU KNOW HOW I MEAN.

SURE.
I FELT THE SAME WAY

WHEN I BULLDOGGED
MY FIRST STEER.

YOU SURE I DIDN'T SELL YOU
A BILL OF GOODS, BUCKSHOT?

YOU BET YOUR LIFE
YOU DID, NUMBER 7.

DIDN'T YOU SAY, "GET
YOUR HAIR IN A BRAID.

WE'RE HITCHING"?

HOW CAN A GAL HOLD OUT

AGAINST A LONG, TEDIOUS
ARGUMENT LIKE THAT-

ESPECIALLY FROM
A SPECTACULAR MUG

IN A RED SHIRT?

I HOPE IT WASN'T THAT FANCY
RODEO STUFF THAT TOOK YOU IN.

LIKE I SAID, THAT WAS JUST
TO GET ENOUGH MONEY TOGETHER

TO BUILD UP THE RANCH.

THE WAY THINGS
HAPPENED IN NEW YORK,

I GUESS I FORGOT I WAS JUST A COWPUNCH
WITH A COUPLE OF KIDS TO RAISE.

WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO,

TALK ME OUT OF IT?

NO. I-

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO
BE DISAPPOINTED, THAT'S ALL.

WELL, I HAVEN'T BEEN
SO FAR.

DIDN'T YOU SAY THE SCENERY'S WONDERFUL
- MOUNTAINS AND STUFF?

YEAH. THAT'S A FACT.

WELL, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH THE CHILDREN, IS THERE?

SO HELP ME, BUCKSHOT, THEY'RE
THE FINEST LITTLE PAIR OF FILLIES

YOU EVER SAW
IN YOUR LIFE.

OH, CHRIS. PORGY.

OH, AGAIN?

UH-HUH.

PORGY'S NEVER SEEN
THIS MANY TREES BEFORE.

I MIGHT AS WELL
GET OUT

AND TAKE A LITTLE
STRETCH MYSELF.

CHRIS, YOU KNOW WHAT A GAL
WANTS MOST OUT OF LIFE-ANY GAL?

SHE WANTS TO BE
NECESSARY TO HER GUY-

NOT JUST ANY GUY,
BUT THE RIGHT GUY.

HE'S GOT TO NEED HER TO SEW ON
HIS BUTTONS AND SCRUB HIS BACK

AND KID HIM OUT OF THOSE
MONDAY MORNING GLOOMS.

NOT THAT I'M AN OLD HAND
AT SUCH CHORES, BUT-

THIS IS IT, CHRIS.
I COULDN'T BE SURER.

YOU KNOW, BUCKSHOT, I WON'T
NEED TO BUY YOU A COW PONY

IF YOU CAN LOPE LIKE
THIS UNDER YOUR OWN STEAM.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD A WORD I SAID.

OH, THINK I DIDN'T?

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER YOU'RE
JUST PLAIN WACKY, MRS. HAYWARD,

AND I'M JUST
PLAIN LUCKY...

OR VICE VERSA.

HEY!

* I'M UP IN THE MORNING
AFORE DAYLIGHT *

* AFORE I SLEEP,
THE MOON SHINES BRIGHT *

* COME-A TI YI YIPPY
YIPPY YEA YIPPY YEA *

* COME-A TI YI YIPPY
YIPPY YEA *

* I GOT IN MY SADDLE... *

KAY, SEE THAT BARN
OVER THERE?

YEAH.

BELONGS
TO TUNK JOHNSON.

MEANS WE'RE
ALMOST HOME.

HOW FAR?

OH, JUST
A LITTLE WAYS NOW.

GOOD.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT GOING
CHICKEN, ARE YOU?

WHO, ME?
WHY, I CAN HARDLY WAIT.

UH-OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?

DO YOU HEAR
THAT CLANKING?

ISN'T IT THE DUCKS?

NO. DUCKS QUACK.

IT'S THE CON ROD
BEARING.

OH. WHAT DO THEY DO?

THEY CLANK.

I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE
BROUGHT ORVIE WITH US.

YES. THE 3 OF US
WOULD HAVE HAD SUCH FUN.

ORVIE COULD
HAVE FIXED IT.

HE CAN FIX ANYTHING.

NOT ONLY CAN,
BUT DID.

YOU KNOW HOW
TO DRIVE A CAR?

A CAR? YES.

MOVE OVER.
MOVE OVER, BOY.

CHRIS!

YEAH?

YOU THINK THE KIDS
WILL SEE THROUGH ME?

WILL THEY CATCH ON THAT
I'M AS COUNTRY-WISE

AS A PARK AVENUE PIGEON?

YOU THINK
THEY'LL HATE ME FOR IT?

DON'T LET THEM SCARE YOU,
BUCKSHOT. THEY'RE GOOD KIDS.

SET THE BRAKE
TILL I CLOSE THE GATE.

NEVER MIND.
I'LL GET IT.

YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE IT?

YOU THINK YOU'RE MARRIED TO
ONE OF THOSE HELPLESS FEMALES?

IF I CAN'T CLOSE
A GATE-OH!

WELL?

YOU THINK
YOU GOT ME, HUH?

VERY CLEVER.

WISE GUY.

SO YOU GOT BACK,
DID YOU?

HOWDY, MR. MEARS.

WE'D HAVE BEEN BACK SOONER IF WE
HADN'T DROPPED A HUNK OF THE MOTOR.

THOUGHT MAYBE YOU TOOK
UP RANCHING IN NEW YORK.

WHAT'S THAT
YOU GOT WITH YOU?

DIDN'T YOU HEAR? I GOT
MARRIED. THAT'S MY WIFE.

HONEY, THIS IS
MR. MEARS.

HE OWNS THE PLACE ACROSS
THE STREET FROM US.

I DIDN'T MEAN HER.

OH, I'M SO RELIEVED, I
CAN'T TELL YOU, MR. SMEARS.

MEARS!

I HEARD YOU.

I MEANT THAT
THERE ANIMAL.

WHAT'S IT FOR?

WELL, IT'S A DOG.

I FIGURED IT WAS A DOG, BUT
WHAT'S THE FOOL THING FOR?

PORGY, GO BITE
THE NICE MAN.

UH, KAY-

WHAT'S YOUR BULL GOT
THAT HE HASN'T GOT?

KAY, YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW IT,
BUT YOU'RE LOOKING

AT ONE OF THE TOP BULLS
IN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT,
MR. MEARS?

HORNS.

HMM?

THAT'S WHAT REDDY'S GOT
THAT HE AIN'T GOT!

IS THAT SOMETHING TO BE
PROUD OF AMONG YOU BOYS?

WELL, I CAN SEE WHO'S WEARING
THE PANTS AROUND HERE, ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE PRETTY SHARP
THERE, MR. SMEARS-

MEARS, DEAR.

MR. MEARS, DID RED BOY
MAKE GRAND CHAMPION

AT THE BARNESVILLE FAIR?

NO, HE DIDN'T.
GOT CHEATED.

DERN JUDGE GAVE IT TO
TUNK JOHNSON'S BULL AGAIN.

HERCULES PRINCE
TOOK IT, HUH?

YEAH.

THAT'S TOO BAD,
MR. MEARS.

DOG!

BULL!

WELL, I HOPE WE DON'T SEE MUCH OF HIM!

WELL, I HOPE WE DO.

AND, BUCKSHOT, YOU GOT TO BE
MORE CAREFUL HOW YOU TALK TO HIM.

WHAT? THAT
OLD GOAT? WHY?

BECAUSE WE CAN HARDLY TAKE
A BATH WITHOUT THAT OLD GOAT.

OH, WELL, NOW,
JUST A MINUTE!

I MEAN THE RANCH. WE
DEPEND ON HIM FOR OUR WATER.

OHH. OH, WELL,
THAT'S DIFFERENT.

MOVE OVER, PORGY.

THIS IS IT.
WE'RE HOME!

WHAT DO YOU THINK,
HONEY?

WHY, CHRIS!
IT'S LOVELY!

THE WAY YOU
UNDERPLAYED IT-

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I EXPECTED.

PLUS IT'LL LOOK A LOT BETTER
WHEN WE GET IT FIXED UP.

FIXED UP? WHY, CHRIS, I
WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING.

COUGAR ROCK,
HERE WE COME.

HEY, WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?

WELL, ISN'T THIS IT?

NO, NO. IT'S OVER THERE.

W- WELL, LET'S GO!

COME ON, PORGY.

WELL?

WELL, WHAT?

UH, DISAPPOINTED?

OH, CHRIS! YOU'RE GOING
TO LIVE IN IT, AREN'T YOU?

SURE.

THEN IT LOOKS LIKE A HUNK
OF HEAVEN TO ME, YOU DOPE.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I HAVE A
MIND OF MY OWN ANYMORE, ANYWAY?

SOMEDAY, I'M GOING
TO BUILD ME A LAYOUT

AS GOOD AS MEARS'
OVER THERE.

WOULD YOU LIKE
A PARTNER, PARDNER?

WOULD I.

HEY! COME LIKE THAT ALL
THE WAY FROM NEW YORK?

HYAH!

ORVIE!

WE BROKE DOWN THE OTHER
SIDE OF TUNK'S PLACE.

I DIDN'T MEAN
THAT, CHRIS.

I SEEN YOU SMOOCHING
WITH THE MISSIS,

SO I SAID, "DID YOU COME ALL
THE WAY FROM"...

YES, ORVIE,
WE GOT IT.

COME ON. GIVE ME A HAND WITH THIS STUFF.

SURE. TROUBLE, TROUBLE, HUH? BROKE DOWN?

I KNEW YOU SHOULD HAVE TOOK ME WITH YOU.

YES, ORVIE.

COULD HAVE USED
ANOTHER HORSE.

CHRIS, YOU KNOW I CAN'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT.

WHERE ARE
THE KIDS?

KIDS? THEY'RE
STILL IN SCHOOL.

HEY, HOW WAS
THE HONEYMOON?

ORVIE, WILL YOU GET ME
THIS ONE FIRST?

YES, MA'AM.
EXCUSE ME.

OH, HI, ALBERT.

HOW'D THINGS GO?

EVERYTHING'S
ALIVE AND KICKING.

MEET THE NEW MISSIS.

ALBERT HELPED OUT AROUND
HERE WHILE I WAS GONE.

HELLO, ALBERT.

HUH. WELL, YOU WON'T
BE NEEDING ME ANYMORE.

NO. I GOT A GOOD HAND NOW. MUCH OBLIGED.

GOOD LUCK.

THANKS.

YOU'LL
NEED IT.

WELL, WHAT DO
YOU KNOW?

THOSE DOGS
THINK NOTHING

OF TREEING
A COUGAR!

WELL, PORGY, SEE WHAT THEY
THINK OF YOU AROUND HERE?

BOSS HOME.

HI, POKEY!

HA HA! HOW'S THE
GLAMOUR GIRL?

YOU LOOK FINE,
BOSS.

WOMAN GOOD, HUH?

YOU AIN'T FOOLING.

WHAT THAT?

WELL,
THAT'S A DOG.

ME KNOW, BUT WHAT FOR?

WELL, UH-

HERE WE GO
AGAIN.

MEET YOUR NEW BOSS.

THIS IS
POCAHONTAS WHITEFOOT.

HOW DO YOU DO,
MRS. WEBFOOT?

JUST CALL HER POKEY.

YOU GOT THE HOUSE
CLEANED UP?

EVERYTHING
SPICK'UM-SPANK'UM.

ME GO. MAKE YOU BED NOW.

SHE'S A CHARACTER.

BUT, MAN, CAN SHE COOK. WAIT
TILL YOU TASTE HER HOMINY GRITS.

I CAN'T WAIT.

HI! HI, DADDY!

DADDY!

HIYA, SPROUTS!

HI, DADDY!

HOW ARE YOU?

MAN, AM I GLAD
TO SEE YOU!

WE SAW YOU FROM WAY UP
ON PARTING CREEK TRAIL.

WE ALMOST BURNED OUR
BRITCHES GETTING BACK.

YOU DID, HUH?

I DIDN'T MISS
YOU ANY, EITHER.

LOOKS LIKE WE GALS SEE EYE
TO EYE ON CERTAIN MATTERS.

OH.

DADDY, IS THAT HER?

YEAH. THAT'S
THE WICKED STEPMOTHER,

JUST ARRIVED
ON A BROOM.

MRS. HAYWARD,
MEET YOUR READY-MADE FAMILY.

THE RUNT HERE
IS CHRISTINA,

AND THIS OLD, WRINKLED ONE IS NANCY,

OTHERWISE KNOWN
AS TINA AND NAN.

HELLO.

WELL, IF I'VE GOT
TO LIVE WITH 3 FEMALES,

I'M GLAD NONE
OF THEM IS GABBY.

LOOK! A DOG
WITH MUFFS!

THEY'RE CUFFS.
PORGY'S A BOY.

KAY'S A LAUGH A MINUTE, ISN'T SHE?

I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING FROM NEW YORK.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO COME AND SEE IT?

SURE, THEY'D LIKE
TO GO AND SEE IT.

YOU CAN SHOW KAY
THE HOUSE, TOO.

I'LL TAKE CARE
OF YOUR HORSES.

YOU RUN ALONG.
WELL, GO AHEAD.

THIS IS
THE KITCHEN.

WE EAT HERE.

THAT'S NICE.

DOWN THIS WAY.

THIS HERE'S
THE PARLOR, MA'AM.

WE DON'T
USE IT MUCH.

LOOKS NICE
AND COMFORTABLE.

WE LIKE IT.

THAT POKEY'S BEEN EATING
HER BREAKFAST IN HERE AGAIN!

YOU JUST TELL HER
TO QUIT IT.

I WILL.
DON'T WORRY.

THIS WAY, MA'AM.

OH, MY!

DON'T LET IT
BOTHER YOU, MA'AM.

HAPPENS ALL
THE TIME.

IT DOES?

THAT'S THE
BATHROOM, MA'AM.

THIS IS OUR ROOM.

OH. PRETTY.

THIS IS
DADDY'S ROOM.

OH.

WELL, IT'S VERY NICE.

OH! MY GOODNESS!

WE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT.

ORVIE'S BEEN GOING
TO FIX IT.

WELL, I THINK HE-
HE'D BETTER FIX IT.

MY GOODNESS! SOMETHING
LIKE THAT CAN BE DANGEROUS.

HAS THAT ALWAYS BEEN
LIKE THAT?

OH, HERE'S
YOUR PRESENTS.

I PUT THEM
RIGHT HERE ON TOP

SO I'D HAVE THEM JUST
AS SOON AS I GOT HERE.

NOW, LET'S SEE.
THIS IS FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

AND THIS IS FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

CAREFUL.

WELL, NOW, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO OPEN THEM?

DO YOU MIND IF WE TALK
TO YOU FIRST, MA'AM?

DO I MIND?

OH, THAT'S JUST WHAT
I'VE BEEN WANTING.

COME ON. SIT DOWN
AND FIRE AWAY.

You start.

WELL, MA'AM, THERE'S SOME
THINGS WE'D LIKE TO ASK YOU.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE GOING
TO TAKE MOMMY'S PLACE.

WELL, I'D APPRECIATE
ANY SUGGESTIONS.

WELL... CAN YOU
MAKE COFFEE?

WELL, I THINK SO.

MOTHER ALWAYS MADE DADDY
A CUP OF COFFEE

FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING,

WITH EGGSHELLS.

THINK YOU CAN
DO IT, MA'AM?

I'LL SURE
AS HECK TRY.

AND SHE MADE CLABBER MILK
FLAPJACKS ON SUNDAYS.

THINK YOU CAN?

CLABBER-FLABBER-
MILKED-

OH, MY SPECIALTY!

WHAT ELSE?

WHENEVER DADDY GOT UP ON
THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED,

MOTHER ALWAYS MADE HIM GO BACK
AND GET UP ON THE RIGHT SIDE.

I'LL DO BETTER
THAN THAT.

I'LL MAKE HIM GET UP
ON THE RIGHT SIDE

OF THE BED
THE FIRST TIME.

SOMETIMES THAT'S
A CHORE, MA'AM.

OH.

IS THERE
ANYTHING ELSE?

ABOUT ALL I
CAN THINK OF.

I don't.

I DO.

WELL, I DON'T.

I DO!

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. I DON'T!

I DO!

I DON'T!

WAIT A MINUTE. MAYBE I
COULD HELP YOU SETTLE IT.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, I THINK YOU'RE A
LITTLE PRETTIER THAN JEAN.

JEAN?

JEAN MORROW. SHE
LIVES ON THE NEXT RANCH

AND LOOKS AFTER US
WHEN DADDY GOES AWAY.

OH.

I GUESS DADDY JUST
LIKED YOU BETTER.

OHH!

A WATCH!
JUST WHAT I BEEN-

JUST WHAT I
BEEN WANTING!

ME, TOO!
THANK YOU, MA'AM.

THANKS A LOT,
MA'AM.

OH, GIRLS, DO YOU THINK
IF YOU TRIED REAL HARD,

YOU MIGHT FIND SOMETHING
TO CALL ME BESIDES "MA'AM"?

MAYBE.

TIME YOU GOT?

9:15.

ME, TOO.

OH, DADDY, THESE WATCHES ARE WONDERFUL!

THEY BOTH SAY
THE SAME TIME.

THEY OUGHT TO.

SHE BOUGHT THEM IN THE
BIGGEST STORE IN NEW YORK.

GEE, THAT'S SUPER.

YEAH.

WE SURE WERE LUCKY TO FIND
SOMEBODY LIKE KAY, WEREN'T WE?

I MEAN, SHE'S JUST WHAT WE BEEN
NEEDING AROUND HERE, ISN'T SHE?

WELL, SHE'S
PRETTY AND ALL,

AND SHE
SEEMS NICE.

OF COURSE, WE ONLY JUST MET HER.

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO
FIND SHE'S PRETTY WONDERFUL.

SURE LIKE MY WATCH.

BUT YOU'VE ONLY KNOWN
HER A WEEK OR SO, DADDY.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO KNOW ABOUT SOMETHING

AND YOU STUDY IT
REAL HARD,

YOU CAN FIND OUT AN AWFUL LOT
ABOUT IT IN A MIGHTY SHORT TIME.

HOW COME YOU
MARRIED HER SO QUICK?

ORVIE SAID
IT WAS LIKE THAT.

WELL, I FELL IN LOVE
WITH HER LIKE THAT.

BUT YOU TOLD US YOU WENT
WITH MOTHER FOR 3 WHOLE YEARS.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOUR
MOTHER LIKE THAT, TOO,

BUT IT TOOK ME
3 WHOLE YEARS

TO GET UP THE GUMPTION
TO ASK HER TO MARRY ME.

HOW COME YOU ASKED KAY
SO QUICK?

THIS TIME, I HAD
A HAND FROM ORVIE.

OH, ORVIE! HE'S ALWAYS
BUTTING IN ON THINGS.

NAN, LISTEN
TO ME, HONEY.

BUT IF YOU'D JUST
GIVE HER A CHANCE,

I THINK MAYBE SHE CAN
COME KIND OF CLOSE.

HOW ABOUT IT?

OH, DADDY!

OK, KIDS. COME ON.

CLIMB IN THE SACK.

THERE. GOOD NIGHT,
PUMPKINS.

NIGHT, DADDY.

JEEPERS. THEY EVEN
TELL TIME IN THE DARK.

MINE DOES, TOO.

WHAT A DAY!

KIND OF ROUGH, HUH?

WHAT TIME DO WE
GET UP AROUND HERE?

YOU MUST BE
DEAD TIRED, HONEY.

WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP IN
IN THE MORNING?

GET UP AROUND 6:00.

HA HA!

WHAT TIME DID YOU SAY?

6:15.

YOU...

YAAAA!

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A HUNCH
WE'RE IN FOR A SHIVAREE.

SHIVER WHAT?

GET INTO SOMETHING.

GET INTO SOMETHING
SPECIAL.

YOU'RE ENTERTAINING.

OH, NO!

HA HA!

KAY, HURRY UP!

HEY, KAY,
GET OUT OF THE HAY!

I JUST PULLED
A GOOD ONE.

I SAID, "HEY, KAY,
GET OUT OF THE HAY!"

HI, JEAN!

GLAD YOU JOINED
THE SHIVAREE.

JOINED IT?
I ORGANIZED IT!

I WANT YOU TO BE THE
FIRST TO MEET HER. COME ON.

KAY?

OH!

COME OUT
OF THERE, HONEY.

OH!

I WANT YOU
TO MEET JEAN MORROW.

JEAN, THIS IS KAY.

I'M GLAD
TO MEET YOU, JEAN.

I'M SO HAPPY
FOR YOU, KAY.

HOW'S THIS FOR
PICKING THEM, JEAN?

GOOD EYE, COWBOY.
CONGRATULATIONS.

HERE, YOU BIG LUG, TAKE THAT
AND PUT IT IN THE KITCHEN.

NOW, CAN I HELP
YOU WITH THAT?

I THINK I'VE GOT IT ON WRONG
- OH, DEAR, DEAR!

SUCH A PRETTY DRESS!

BUT IT LOOKS BETTER
IF I GET IT ON RIGHT.

COME ON, FOLKS. LET'S
GET THE PARTY STARTED.

WoOH, GOOD!

HEY, I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU!

HIYA, TUNK!
HOW YOU BEEN?

SALLY, TAKE THAT OUT
AND PUT IT IN THE KITCHEN.

DADDY!
DADDY!

COULDN'T
WE STAY UP?

PLEASE?

YOU CAN STAY UP
FOR A WHILE.

SO YOU WENT
AND DONE IT, HUH?

WELL, MY HEART SURE BLEEDS FOR
THE POOR LITTLE BRIDE. HA HA!

THANK YOU.

WELL, HONEY,
THIS IS TUNK JOHNSON.

HE OWNS THE BULL THAT OUT-BULLED
MEARS' BULL THIS YEAR.

EVERY YEAR.

BULLY FOR YOU!

HA HA! WELL, FOLKS.
HERE SHE IS.

MEET THE BRIDE.

ME, I'M BERT.

HI. HELLO.
HOW DO YOU DO?

OH,
IT'S YOU, CHRIS.

WANT TO CUT IN?

NO. LATER, HUH?

I SAID, DO YOU
WANT TO CUT IN?

NO. NOT NOW.

WHOO!

HOW AM I DOING,
DADDY?

YOU'RE DOING FINE.
WAIT TILL I GET RID OF THIS.

OK.

WELL, I WARN YOU, JEAN,

I'M GOING TO LEAN ON YOU
HEAVILY FOR ADVICE.

YOU'LL DO OK.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
KIND OF INSIDES.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM TO
GIVE UP A CAREER LIKE YOURS.

I DIDN'T GIVE IT UP.

I JUST SWAPPED IT FOR
SOMETHING I WANTED MORE.

GOOD GIRL.

GOOD GIRL, YOURSELF.

YOU WERE A SWEETHEART TO TAKE CARE
OF THOSE KIDS WHILE CHRIS WAS AWAY.

I DON'T SUPPOSE HE'S TOLD YOU
HOW HE TOOK CARE OF OUR RANCH

ALL THOSE MONTHS MY
STEVE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.

NO. NO, HE DIDN'T,
BUT THEN, HE WOULDN'T.

NO.

NO, HE WOULDN'T.

HEY, YOU TWO,
BREAK IT UP IN THERE.

COMING OUT.

THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU
WANTED SOME REFRESHMENTS.

WE JUST SAID THAT
TO GET RID OF YOU.

YOU'RE NEVER GOING
TO GET RID OF ME.

DID SHE SHAKE ANY
SKELETONS OUT OF MY CLOSET?

NOT A SINGLE BONE,
DARN IT.

HEY, KAY,
COME HERE.

COMING!

CHRIS' WIFE IS JUST
AS NICE AS SHE CAN BE.

BUT I'VE SAID IT BEFORE
AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN:

MEN ARE THE BIGGEST FOOLS
IN CREATION.

JEAN WOULD HAVE MADE
CHRIS SUCH A NICE WIFE.

SHE'D HAVE BEEN
A REAL HELP TO HIM,

THE WAY SHE RUNS THAT RANCH OF HERS NOW.

POOR JEAN, LOSING STEVE
AND NOW LOSING CHRIS, TOO.

I HOPE SHE DON'T GO INTO
A DECLINE LIKE AMY DID

WHEN FRANK RUN OFF
WITH THAT CARNIVAL GIRL.

* THE MAN WITH
THE BIG FELT HAT *

* OH, THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* AT 7 A.M.,
HIS STOCK IS FED *

* HE'S MILKED OLD BESS
AND WATERED OLD RED *

* BY 7 P.M.,
HE'S BACK IN BED *

* THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* THE MAN WITH
THE BIG FELT HAT *

* OH, THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* AROUND THE RANCH,
HE'S KIND OF SLOW *

* LOOKS LIKE ANY OTHER JOE *

* BUT YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM
AT THE RODEO *

* THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

WHO?

* THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* HE ALWAYS MAKES YOU PROUD
ANYWHERE, IN ANY CROWD *

* FROM WHAT I HEAR,
HE RAISED- *

* BEST DARN DATE
IN 48 STATES *

* THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* OH, THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* YOUR ONLY COMPETITION HERE *

* IS A COUGAR TRACK
THAT'S FRESH AND CLEAR *

* AND I'LL GET THAT CAT
IF IT TAKES A YEAR *

* THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

* THE MAN WITH
THE BIG FELT HAT *

ALL RIGHT.
MAKE A BIG CIRCLE.

COME ON,
HIT IT, BOYS.

ALL JOIN HANDS,
CIRCLE SOUTH.

LET A LITTLE MOONSHINE
IN YOUR MOUTH.

HALFWAY ROUND,
TURN RIGHT BACK,

SINGLE FILE,
INDIAN STYLE.

WHOO WHOO WHOO!

EVERYBODY BREAK
AND SWING.

FACE THE CENTER
OF THE RING.

CLAP YOUR HANDS,
SLAP YOUR KNEES.

BOOMPS-A-DAISY,
IF YOU PLEASE,

AND SWING
THAT CORNER GIRL AROUND.

ENGINE GOING
DOWN THE TRACK.

SWING AROUND
AND COME RIGHT BACK.

UH-OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LOOK WHO'S STICKING
HIS HEAD IN THE WINDOW.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T THAT
OLD DARLING SMEARSY.

WHY DOESN'T HE COME IN?

I GUESS
HE WASN'T INVITED.

PROBABLY CAME OVER TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT THE NOISE.

WE'RE KEEPING
RED BOY UP, HUH?

HE'S PROBABLY GOT
RED BOY WITH HIM.

PRETEND
YOU DON'T SEE HIM.

YOU TOLD ME TO BE NICE
TO HIM. GO AND ASK HIM IN.

NO. TONIGHT
I'M HAVING FUN.

WHOO-HOO!

HIM AND HIS WATER.
LET HIM STAY OUT THERE.

WHAT'S ALL THIS TALK ABOUT
WATER? THE FAUCETS RUN.

HE'S LETTING US HAVE
SOME, BUT NOT ENOUGH-

NOT IF WE'RE GOING TO
MAKE THIS RANCH PAY BIG.

MAKE HIM GIVE YOU
SOME MORE.

THE OLD BUZZARD WON'T GIVE
ME ANY MORE, NOT AT ANY PRICE.

DOES HE HATE MONEY?

NO. JUST PEOPLE.

OH.

CLAP YOUR HANDS,
SLAP YOUR KNEES.

BOOMPS-A-DAISY-

I'M GOING OUT
AND MOO AT HIM.

NOW, KAY,
WAIT A MINUTE.

WHY, MR. MEARS, I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU WERE OUT HERE.

EVENING.

I JUST CAME OUT
TO GET A BREATH OF AIR.

HOW'S RED BOY?

HOPE HE'S ALL RIGHT WITH
ALL THIS RUCKUS GOING ON.

WHY DON'T YOU JOIN
THE RUCKUS, MR. MEARS?

I AIN'T HERE
TO RAISE NOTHING.

COME OVER ON ACCOUNT OF THE NOISE
WOULD HAVE KEPT ME AWAKE ANYHOW.

AS LONG
AS YOU'RE AWAKE,

WHY DON'T YOU COME IN
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME?

I WASN'T ASKED,
SO I AIN'T GOING.

IT'S MY SHIVAREE,
AND I'M ASKING YOU.

BESIDES, TUNK JOHNSON'S IN THERE.

HE HASN'T GOT
HIS BULL WITH HIM.

COME ON IN.
YOU JUST STAY CLOSE TO ME.

HOLD IT!
HOLD IT, EVERYBODY!

IN THE EXCITEMENT, SOMEBODY
FORGOT TO INVITE MR. MEARS,

SO I WENT OVER
AND GOT HIM.

GLAD YOU CAME OVER,
MR. MEARS.

LET ME TAKE YOUR HAT. CAN I
GET YOU A DRINK OR SOMETHING?

NO. HE'S GOING
TO DANCE WITH ME FIRST.

DON'T DANCE.

OF COURSE YOU DO.

EVERYBODY SWING.

CIRCLE FORWARD,
GO WHERE YOU KNOW.

I'LL SWING YOUR GIRL.
YOU SWING MINE.

I'LL SWING MY OWN
ANY OLD TIME.

OH, GOLLY,
AIN'T THAT FINE?

EVERYBODY MAKE A RING.

CLAP YOUR HANDS,
SLAP YOUR KNEES.

BOOMPS-A-DAISY,
IF YOU PLEASE,

AND SWING
THAT CORNER GIRL AROUND.

MAKE A FOOL OF ME,
WILL YOU?

I'LL SHOW YOU!

OH, MR. MEARS,
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

WHY DID YOU MAKE HIM DANCE
WHEN HE DIDN'T WANT TO?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. I WAS
JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
BUCKSHOT.

HE SURE LOOKED
SILLY, DIDN'T HE?

ON WITH THE MUSIC.
COME ON, ORVS.

* MAN WITH
THE BIG FELT HAT *

* OH, THE MAN
WITH THE BIG FELT HAT *

ENGINE GOING
DOWN THE TRACK.

TURN AROUND
AND COME RIGHT BACK.

CLAP YOUR HANDS,
SLAP YOUR KNEES.

BOOMPS-A-DAISY,
IF YOU PLEASE.

AH, SOME SHINDIG,
HUH, BUCKSHOT?

YEAH.

ONLY TROUBLE IS,
IT BROKE UP TOO EARLY.

OHH! OW!

OH, CHRIS, STOP IT!

OH, ENGINE GOING
DOWN THE TRACK.

TURN AROUND,
COME RIGHT BACK.

WILL YOU LOOK
AT THAT!

PARTY'S HERE.

HE'S THE ONE WHO WANTED
TO GET AN EARLY START!

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM
A GUY ON HIS HONEYMOON?

HEY, CHRIS, OPEN THEM
PRETTY BLUE EYES, SWEETHEART.

YOU GOING TO LAY THERE
ON YOUR COYOTE ALL DAY?

LOOK WHAT TIME
IT IS.

MY GOSH, I PLUMB FORGOT
TO SET THAT ALARM.

GET YOUR PANTS ON.

I'LL TELL YOU, FELLAS,
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

COME ON. COME ON.

OH, CHRIS.

MORNING, KAY.

OH, HI, KAY. SWELL PARTY LAST NIGHT.

YEAH.

ME AND THE BOYS
ARE GOING ON A COUGAR HUNT.

I FORGOT
TO TELL YOU.

THAT'S JUST DANDY.
HOPE YOU HAVE FUN.

WE OUGHT TO BE HOME
BEFORE DARK.

OH, WE'LL BE
BACK BY THEN.

SURE.

OHHH!

EXCUSE ME.

THAT'S
ALL RIGHT.

PULL THEM UP
A LITTLE.

YEAH, I WILL.

HOW YOU FELLAS GOT
THIS THING FIGURED OUT?

WELL, I RECKON
THAT PILE OF ROCKS

UP IN MANDEVILLE CANYON'S OUR BEST BET.

HENDERSON CLAIMS THAT'S
WHERE HE'S LYING UP.

DARN IT.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

BOYS!

FIX IT,
WILL YOU, FELLAS?

DON'T GET UP, KAY.
WE'LL FIX IT.

HAVE IT UP
IN A JIFFY.

YOU KNOW, KAY,
YOU OUGHT TO GET-

OHHH!

...THE OTHER END.

...WOULDN'T HAVE
THIS TROUBLE.

I SLEEP
ON THE FLOOR.

I'LL SPEAK
TO HIM ABOUT IT.

CHRIS, I SAW HIS TRACKS
YESTERDAY MORNING.

SURE IS A BIG ONE.

WHO?

KILLED ONE
OF JIM'S CALVES

ON THE OTHER SIDE
YESTERDAY,

SO HE CAN'T HAVE
MOVED OUT YET.

WE BETTER GET HIM BEFORE
HE GETS SOME OF OUR STOCK.

OW!

OH! NO!

OH, HI, PORG.

WHOA! WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A DOG.

WHAT'S HE FOR?

AHEM. PORGY IS
AN ELECTRICIAN.

HE FIXES RADIOS
AND FUSES AND WIRING.

WE FIND HE'S A VERY HANDY
DOG TO HAVE AROUND THE HOUSE.

AN ELECTRICIAN?

YES.

HA HA! LADY,
YOU'RE SURE A CARD!

MY LIFELONG AMBITION,
ACHIEVED AT LAST.

HEY, WHAT KIND
OF A MUTT IS THAT?

A MUTT?

ARE YOU REFERRING TO CHARLEMAGNE
CHAFLEUR DE LA FONTAINE DE L'AMBRIAC?

NO KIDDING.

OK, FELLAS.
I'M ALL SET.

SO LONG, KAY.

SO LONG.
SO LONG.

BYE, KAY.

NICE SEEING YOU.

ELECTRICIAN. HA HA!

GOOD-BYE, BABY.
GO BACK TO SLEEP.

OH, NO.
I'M GOING TO GET UP.

IT'S KIND OF EARLY.

I LIKE
TO GET UP EARLY.

COME ON,
CHRIS!

OK! GOOD-BYE,
HONEY.

GOOD-BYE.
HAPPY HUNTING.

I'LL BE BACK
AS SOON AS I CAN.

ALL RIGHT.

GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT,
TINA.

SHE IS PRETTIER THAN
JEAN AND LOTS OF FUN.

SHE SMELLS AWFUL GOOD.

AND THEY ARE
BEAUTIFUL WATCHES.

OF COURSE,
THE MAIN THING IS,

IS SHE GOING TO BE A FAIR
HAND AROUND THE RANCH?

THAT'S WHAT DADDY
NEEDS MOST.

WON'T TAKE LONG
TO FIND THAT OUT.

YEAH!

KAY!
KAY!

OOOOOH!

OH! AH.

KAY, DID WE
WAKE YOU UP?

OH, ME? LITTLE OLD
BRIGHT EYES?

WE'VE GOT CHORES
TO DO.

CHORES?

YEAH. CHORES.

OH, SURE! CHORES.

WE'LL MEET YOU IN THE
BARN IN 10 MINUTES, OK?

SURE. 10 MINUTES.

IT'S GETTING LATE.
ALMOST 5:00.

5:00-OH!

AND I HAD TO
GIVE THEM WATCHES!

HEY, KAY!

WE WON'T NEVER FINISH UNLESS YOU
THROW DOWN MORE HAY THAN THAT!

GOSH, KAY, WE DIDN'T MEAN
FOR YOU TO BRING IT DOWN!

I LIKE SHORTCUTS.

WHOA!

COME ON. PUT
YOUR LEG RIGHT UP THERE.

NOW GRAB HOLD
UP THERE.

I KNOW.

GRAB HOLD.

THAT'S IT.

1, 2, 3...

GO!

SWING YOUR
OTHER LEG OVER.

THAT'S IT!

OH.

OH!

WHOA!

NOW WE'LL SHOW YOU HOW
TO BRING IN THE COWS.

COME ON.
GIDDYAP!

DON'T GO TOO FAST
TO START WITH.

COME ON, DEAR.

YOU GIRLS GO ON AHEAD,
AND I'LL FOLLOW.

OOOOOH!

HEY!

HEY, KAY.
WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT FOR US, KAY.

WHOA! WHOA!

DON'T GO SO FAST!

WE CAN'T KEEP UP
WITH YOU, KAY!

OHHHHHH!

OH!

PULL BACK!
PULL BACK!

WHOA!

TURN TO
THE LEFT, KAY!

NO, TURN HIM
TO THE RIGHT!

WHOA, GEORGE!

KAY, DON'T YOU KNOW
HOW TO JUMP FENCES?

WELL, I MADE IT,
DIDN'T I?

IT'S THAT FOOL HORSE
THAT DOESN'T KNOW HOW.

OOOH! OHHH!

OOOH!

OH, NO.

STINK-UM
PLENTY GOOD, HUH?

YOU-

YOU GIVE ME THAT!

AND DO GET OUT
OF THAT DRESS.

YOU NO LIKE-UM?

NO, I NO LIKE IT.

YOU GET OUT OF IT,
AND HURRY, TOO.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

YOU GET OUT
OF MY ROOM.

ME GO.

YOU PACK YOUR THINGS AND
GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE, TOO.

ME GO.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU TAKE OFF
MY SLIPPERS!

HURT FEET ANYWAY.

AND DON'T YOU
EVER COME BACK.

ALL RIGHT. ME GO.

DON'T YOU
EVER COME BACK!

WHAT ARE YOU
SO HAPPY ABOUT?

KAY?

CAN WE COME IN?

OH, YES, DARLINGS.

COME IN, DARLINGS.

HERE.

IT'S FOR YOU.

WHY-

IT BELONGED
TO OUR REAL MOTHER.

SHE WAS
AWFUL BRAVE, TOO.

TAKE IT.

OH, I-

I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

DON'T YOU LIKE IT?

OH, MY LAMBS!

IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT,
NOT FOR BEING BRAVE.

I WAS SCARED
EVERY MINUTE TODAY,

AND YOU TWO LITTLE DEVILS
KNOW IT.

SURE WE DO.

BUT DADDY SAYS WHEN YOU'RE
SCARED TO DO SOMETHING

AND YOU DO IT ANYWAYS,

THAT'S REALLY
BEING BRAVE.

YEAH. TAKE IT.

WE WANT YOU TO.

MAY I SAY,
FELLOW CLUB MEMBERS,

THAT THIS IS THE PROUDEST
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.

OH, KAY!
OH, KAY!

OH! OH! OOH!
MY BACK.

HEY, BUCKSHOT!
WHERE ARE YOU?

HEY, YOU STILL IN BED?

YOU OUGHT TO SEE
THE COUGAR WE GOT.

IT'S BIGGER THAN
A YOUNG HEIFER.

LET'S GO LOOK!

IT'S ON THE BACK PORCH.

I, UH, BROUGHT THE BOYS
HOME FOR SUPPER.

COULDN'T I MEET THEM
SOMETIME WITH MY CLOTHES ON?

TELL POKEY
TO GET COOKING.

WE'RE HUNGRY ENOUGH TO EAT
THAT COUGAR WITH THE FUR ON.

ALL RIGHT.

OH, BUT-
BUT POKEY'S-

OOOH.

SHOT HIM RIGHT
THROUGH THERE.

OH, DADDY, HE ISN'T
SUCH A BIG ONE.

OH, IS THAT SO? HE WAS
A TOUGH OLD CAT, ANYWAY.

IT TOOK TWO SHOTS
TO GET HIM.

TWO SHOTS!

YOU'RE SLIPPING!

DID YOU KIDS GET
YOUR CHORES DONE?

NOT EXACTLY.

BETTER GET AT IT. IT'LL
BE SUPPERTIME PRETTY QUICK.

OH, CHRIS-

OH!

OH, CHRIS...

OH!

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
BUCKSHOT?

WHY ARE YOU
CRYING, BABY?

I CAN'T...

YOU CAN'T WHAT?

I CAN'T COOK
A COUGAR.

YOU CAN'T-

OH, IT'S NOT FUNNY.

HONEST? CAN'T YOU
COOK A COUGAR?

I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY
NICE OF YOU TO LAUGH AT ME.

BUT, JEAN, I'VE GOT TO
HAVE SOMEONE TO HELP ME.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT CHRIS
AND ME TO MURDER EACH OTHER

WHILE THE HONEYMOON'S
STILL YOUNG.

THE NEXT TIME
YOU CATCH YOUR COOK

WEARING YOUR
HATTIE CARNEGIE

AND TAKING A BATH IN YOUR
FAVORITE PERFUME, DON'T FIRE HER.

SERVANTS ARE NOT
SCARCE AROUND HERE.

THERE JUST AREN'T ANY.

JULIA CRADDOCK
GETS AROUND.

SHE MAY KNOW
OF SOMEONE.

WONDER WHERE JULIA IS.

SHE MUST BE AILING,

NOT TO GET TO THE PHONE.

HI. I HAD TO RUN
BASTE MY CHICKEN.

LISTEN,
THERE'S A FELLA

USED TO COOK
FOR LUMBER CAMPS-

OH, NO! KAY WOULDN'T
HAVE HIM AROUND.

HE'S BEEN IN JAIL
A COUPLE OF TIMES

FOR SETTING FIRES.

SOME TIME BACK, I HEARD

OF A GIRL IN BARNESVILLE

THAT WANTED TO HIRE OUT.

OH, I FORGOT.

SHE JUST HAD AN OPERATION.

SHE DID? TELL ME
ALL ABOUT IT.

WAS IT BAD?

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN

THE SIZE OF THE STONES

THEY TOOK OUT OF HER.

YOU DON'T SAY!

WHAT DOCTOR
DID SHE HAVE?

COME ON. PUT SOME BEEF INTO IT.

BEEF? HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO GET ANY BEEF

WITH KAY COOKING NOTHING
BUT FARINA WITH LUMPS?

GIVE HER TIME.
SHE'LL LEARN.

IN THE MEANTIME,
A FELLA COULD STARVE!

UH-OH. THERE'S
OLD ICE-CREAM PUSS.

WONDER WHAT
HE WANTS.

THAT ICE CREAM
SURE MELTED FAST

ON HIS HOT NECK,
DIDN'T IT? HA HA!

HOWDY, MR. MEARS.

HI, MR. MEARS.

I WAS JUST
TELLING CHRIS,

THAT ICE CREAM
SURE MELTED FAST-

WHAT DID I SAY?

WANT TO SELL
YOUR PLACE, HAYWARD?

WHAT GAVE YOU
THAT IDEA?

OH, JUST THINKING
IS ALL.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL
QUIT THINKING.

IT'S NOT FOR SALE.

MAYBE?

NO "MAYBES."

MAYBE.

HUH.

YOU CAN SAY THAT
AGAIN, PARTNER.

WELL, LET'S TAKE IT
AROUND THE CORNER.

HERE, YOU STAPLE IT.

BUZZARD.

WAIT TILL I GET IT
STRETCHED.

CHRIS!
CHRIS, HELP!

ORVIE, COME ON!

STOVE'S ON FIRE.

NO. IT'S JUST
THAT DAMPER AGAIN.

CLOSES UP BY ITSELF
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

WHENEVER IT DOES THAT, JUST
GIVE IT A COUPLE OF WHACKS-

LIKE THAT, SEE?

OH.

THAT'LL OPEN IT UP.

SEE? IT'S DRAWING
BETTER ALREADY.

Orvie:
HELP! HELP!

OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH ORVIE NOW?

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THERE?

CHRIS!

YOU SEE? IT'S EASY,
JUST LIKE PLAYING GOLF.

KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN AND
YOUR EYE ON THE BUCKET.

OH, I'M SORRY, DAISY.

I FORGOT TO GET MY
MANICURE THIS MORNING.

SHE'S ABOUT EMPTY.
YOU CAN LET GO NOW.

OOP! GOSH, I-

AH, YOU'RE
A VETERAN.

YEAH. OF WHICH WAR?

HERE.

WELL, WHAT WAS MY TIMING ON THAT BUCKET?

WHAT DO YOU CARE?

YOU FILLED IT,
DIDN'T YOU?

THANKS TO YOU.

OH, JEAN, THERE'S
SO MUCH TO LEARN.

BRONCO BUSTING AND
BUTCHERING AND WATER DIVINING-

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

WELL, AM I A RANCHER'S WIFE OR NOT?

WHAT CHRIS NEEDS AROUND
HERE IS A FAIR HAND,

NOT A LITTLE WIFE WHO'S
GOING TO SIT BY THE FIRESIDE

WITH HER
PETIT POINT.

WHAT CHRIS NEEDS
IS YOU.

OH, YOU. EVERY TIME
I GET BOGGED DOWN,

YOU COME ALONG WITH
A WELL-TIMED REMARK.

CHRIS WAS A FOOL
NOT TO MARRY YOU.

A GUY USUALLY HAS TO
BE IN LOVE WITH A GAL

BEFORE HE ASKS HER
TO MARRY HIM.

WHY HAVEN'T YOU
PUT POISON IN MY SOUP?

DON'T THINK
I WASN'T TEMPTED

TILL I'D KNOWN YOU
ABOUT 5 MINUTES.

ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S SEE
YOU CUT OUT YOUR HORSE.

OK.

NICE BIG LOOP.

ALL RIGHT.

OPEN.

ALL RIGHT. WHICH ONE
WOULD YOU LIKE?

TAKE IT EASY.

Jean: THAT'S THE GIRL!
RIGHT ON THE NOSE.

WHOA!

HELP!

AAH!

WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU FORGOT ONE
SMALL DETAIL-

TO LET GO
OF THE ROPE.

OH, NO!

OH. OH!

COOKBOOK. COOKBOOK.

POT ROAST.

"FISH... "

"SOUP... "

"ONCE YOU FIND YOUR GUY."

HMM.

PORG. OH, PORG,
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT

4 MONTHS AROUND HERE
WOULD DO THAT TO YOU-

OR ME EITHER?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

NO!

WELL, NOBODY CAN SAY THERE'S A
CASTE SYSTEM ON THIS RANCH, ANYWAY.

I HOPE YOU CAN
SUPPORT THEM.

OH, MY BISCUITS!

WHAT DID I DO WRONG
THIS TIME?

THIS BOOK CAN'T BE RIGHT.

OH... OH!

OH, MY WASH!

DANDY!

SUCH A PLACE...

DUST AND DIRT.

OH.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

OOH!

NO.

CLOSE THAT DOOR!

NO!

YES.

GIVE ME A HAND.

HERE, HELP ME.
IF YOU'LL TAKE HOLD OF-

OH, GRAB THAT WINDOW.

CAN'T YOU EVEN
SAY HELLO?

DON'T TELL ME YOU WERE BLOWN
ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK.

JUST FROM THE DEPOT.

THAT'S RIGHT.
LET'S GRAB THIS ONE.

I HOPE THE ROOF
IS NAILED ON TIGHT.

OW!

OH, I'M SORRY.

OH...

BABY, YOU LOOK LIKE A
BAD REVIEW COME TO LIFE.

OH...

OH, JED.

OH, I AM GLAD
TO SEE YOU.

WELL, THE GUY WHO
THOUGHT HE'D GET SCALPED

IF HE TRAVELED
WEST OF TIMES SQUARE.

HA HA!
ALL IS FORGIVEN?

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

DON'T TELL ME YOU CAME ALL THE
WAY OUT HERE JUST TO GET A LAUGH.

UH-UH. I CAME TO
TAKE YOU BACK WITH ME.

YOU WHAT?

HOW LONG BEFORE
YOU CAN BE PACKED?

WELL, HEY...

DON'T GET ME WRONG.

WE WERE IN BUSINESS
TOGETHER, TOO, REMEMBER?

YES, I REMEMBER.

THAT GUY I TEAMED UP WITH
AFTER YOU LEFT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

THE SCORE STINKS-

NONE OF THAT
KAY KINGSLEY SPARKLE.

THE SHOW WILL DIE
ON ITS FEET.

OH, JED. HA HA!

OH, YOU'RE CONFUSING ME
WITH SOME OTHER CHICK.

MRS. CHRIS HAYWARD.
I ALREADY HAVE A JOB.

WHAT A JOB.

AND WHAT DOES IT
PAY YOU?

OOH!

NOTHING YOU CAN SEE, JED.

DON'T THEY USE MONEY
OUT HERE?

WHY, WITH WHAT YOU'D
MAKE IN THIS NEW SHOW,

YOU COULD BUY CATTLE WITH
GOLD RINGS IN THEIR NOSES.

WELL, NOW, WHO WANTS
CATTLE WITH GOLD-

WATER...

WHAT WAS THAT?
WATER?

I COULD BUY US A PLACE
WITH PLENTY OF WATER.

DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T
GOT WATER OUT HERE.

NOT ENOUGH FOR
WHAT WE'RE PLANNING.

YEAH. I COULD BUY US A PLACE
RUNNING OVER WITH IT.

A FEW WEEKS' WORK
WITH ME IN NEW YORK,

AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR LITTLE
DOGIES GUZZLING CHAMPAGNE.

IT MIGHT ONLY TAKE
A FEW WEEKS, HUH?

WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO KNOCK
IT OFF IN LESS THAN THAT.

YEAH.

I... I THINK CHRIS
WOULD UNDERSTAND.

HE WOULDN'T WORRY.

HE KNOWS I'VE GOT NEW
YORK OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

DADDY! DADDY!

HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO TALK
TO YOU NOW, KIDS.

BUT THIS IS
VERY IMPORTANT.

WHAT'LL WE DO?

BETTER GET BACK
AND WATCH THEM.

WELL,
THINK IT OVER, KAY.

I'LL BE AT THE JUNIPER JUNCTION HOTEL.

NO, NO. YOU WAIT
JUST RIGHT HERE.

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME
TELL CHRIS.

NO, NO,
YOU DON'T NEED ME.

YOU CAN HANDLE IT MUCH
BETTER BY YOURSELF.

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL TELEPHONE YOU AS SOON
AS I'VE BROKEN THE NEWS.

NOW YOU'RE BEING
PRACTICAL.

OH...

IT'S BETTER
THAN IT WAS.

GOOD-BYE.

YEAH, GEE..
NEW YORK.

OH, I DON'T THINK
CHRIS WOULD OBJECT.

GOSH, IT MAY GET
THAT MEARS OFF HIS NECK.

GEE, KAY, WE DON'T
WANT TO GO TO BED.

WE WANT TO STAY UP
AND SEE DADDY.

YOU CAN SEE DADDY
IN THE MORNING.

YOU BOTH LOOK
A LITTLE TIRED,

AND DADDY SAID
HE MIGHT BE LATE.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WHEN
THE BOYS GET TOGETHER

ON THOSE STRICTLY
MALE ENTERPRISES.

WORK, THEY CALL IT.

COME ON, NOW.
GET UNDRESSED.

HURRY UP,
AND I'LL COME BACK

AND KISS YOU GOOD NIGHT
IN A MINUTE. HURRY UP.

SHOOT.

AW, GEE.

CHRIS,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
I'M JUST BUSHED, THAT'S ALL.

CHRIS, YOU'RE HURT.

NO. WE JUST
BUTCHERED A BEEF.

OH.

THANKS.

OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HAVING FUN FOR YOURSELF.

HAVING FUN, HUH?

SORT OF A PRIVATE RODEO.

DARLING, YOU ARE TIRED...

TERRIBLY TIRED.

AND SUCH A MESS.

YEAH, I GUESS I AM.

CHRIS, IT NEVER USED TO GET
TO YOU LIKE THIS IN NEW YORK-

ALL THE RIDING
AND BULLDOGGING.

SILK SHIRT AND THE PRIZE
MONEY AND THE FOLKS CHEERING.

THAT WAS THE CREAM, BABY.

TODAY WAS THE BREAD
AND BUTTER.

CONTINUOUS PERFORMANCE,
NO REST BETWEEN SHOWS.

OH...

DON'T LOOK SO BIG-EYED.
I'M JUST PLAIN OLD TIRED.

ANY RANCHER WORTH HIS SALT
GETS THIS WAY ONCE IN A WHILE.

OH, COME ON.
GET CLEANED UP.

JUST LET ME SIT HERE
A MINUTE, HUH?

NO. NOW, COME ON. GET A
NICE, HOT BATH AND SOME FOOD,

AND YOU'LL BE
GOOD AS NEW.

OK.

HURRY UP.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING,
BUCKSHOT?

THE HOUSE USED TO BE
DARK WHEN I'D GET HOME.

NIGHTS LIKE THIS,
I'D FALL INTO BED

WITH MY CLOTHES ON
AND MY BELLY EMPTY.

BUT NOW I...

YOU'RE
REALLY SOMETHING.

I'M LIVING NOW.

BOY,
I'M REALLY LIVING.

GIVE ME THE HOTEL,
WILL YOU, TESS?

DID KAY TELL THIS
JED FELLA SHE'D-

WELL, SHE DIDN'T SAY
SHE WOULDN'T.

BUT YOU'LL ASK KAY NOT
TO GO, WON'T YOU, DADDY?

SHE WON'T
IF YOU SAY NOT TO.

WELL, SPROUTS, THAT'S KIND OF UP TO KAY

TO DECIDE
FOR HERSELF.

WE'VE GOT ENOUGH TO
ANSWER FOR ALREADY.

YOU SEE, IT'S LIKE
WE CAUGHT A LARK

AND TRIED TO MAKE A
BARN SWALLOW OUT OF IT.

BUT-BUT I DON'T WANT
KAY TO GO, DADDY.

WHAT WILL WE DO
WITHOUT HER?

MY GUESS IS
YOU'D NEVER WASH YOUR EARS.

IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
A BREAK LIKE THAT, YOU'RE CRAZY.

KAY.

OH, CHRIS. OH...

DON'T EVER DO THAT
TO ME AGAIN, BABY.

HELLO? HELLO?

IS THIS STILL YOU,
THAT JED PERSON?

BECAUSE IF IT IS,
KAY GAVE YOU HER ANSWER,

AND IF YOU KNOW
WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU,

YOU'LL JUST SCAT.

THE IDEA!

MAYBE A LITTLE TAR
AND FEATHERS WOULD DO IT.

AND RIDE OUT
OF TOWN ON A RAIL.

MY MAN WOULD
LEND A HAND,

BUT HIS BACK'S STARTING TO HURT AGAIN.

IT IS?

MAYBE IT'S LIKE THAT RHEUMATISM
I HAD IN MY NECK LAST-

YOU'LL DO, COWBOY.

YOU'RE PRETTY FAIR
YOURSELF, COWBOY.

I'M GOING INTO TOWN
WITH JEAN.

PICK ME UP A COUPLE OF
SUITS OF UNDERWEAR, WILL YOU?

SIZE, UH...

OH, I KNOW THE SIZE.

HEY, CHRIS!

WHAT'S UP?

WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

FERN SPRINGS IS JUST
AS DRY AS A BONE.

DRY?

IT JUST AIN'T ANYMORE.

IT CAN'T BE.

IT IS. THAT'S WHAT I SAID,

BUT YOU'LL GET THE SURPRISE OF YOUR LIFE

WHEN YOU GET
OUT THERE.

LOOK. THERE AIN'T ENOUGH LEFT
TO WET A JAYBIRD'S WHISTLE.

IF MEARS DOESN'T LET ME HAVE
MORE WATER, I'M OUT OF BUSINESS.

I'M GOING TO TALK TO HIM, AND
THIS TIME HE'S GOING TO LISTEN.

TAKE YOUR SHOOTING IRON
WITH YOU.

THERE AIN'T NOTHING THAT'LL
MAKE A MAN HEAR BETTER

THAN TO PLUG UP
HIS EAR WITH A.45.

OUT OF THE BLUE HE SAYS,
"YOU'LL DO, COWBOY."

THOUGH COMING FROM HIM
THAT CAN ONLY MEAN

THAT AT LAST HE THINKS I'M A
PRETTY FAIR HAND AROUND THE PLACE,

THANKS TO YOU.

YOU KNOW, I MAY ASK YOU
TO WRITE ME A TESTIMONIAL-

"HOW TO LEARN TO BECOME A
RANCH WOMAN IN 6 EASY LESSONS."

YOU MEAN 60
NOT-SO-EASY LESSONS

AND 60 BOTTLES
OF LINIMENT.

UH-OH.
LAUGHING BOY.

THANK YOU,
MRS. JONES.

HOWDY, MR. MEARS. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

HALTERS.

MM-HMM, HALTERS.

HOW IS RED BOY?

LIKE HE WAS THAT TIME HE BROKE
LOOSE AND RUN OFF IN THE HILLS.

MIGHT BE HIS DIET.

YOU MIGHT TRY THIS NEW ELIXIR
- VERY GOOD STUFF.

I'M GOING TO HAVE DOC HENRY
LOOK AT HIM. I'LL TAKE THIS.

DOC'S GOOD.

POW, PARTNER.

HI, OLD-TIMER. WHAT'S COOKING
HOME ON THE RANGE, PARD?

ARE THEM YOUR BRATS?

YEAH.
AIN'T THEY SOMETHING?

BEEN ACTING
LIKE THAT FOR DAYS.

JUST THINK.
WE HARDLY GOT HERE,

AND ALREADY THEY'RE
LIKE THEY WAS BORN

TO THE BIG,
OPEN SPACES.

HEY, MAYBE YOU CAN GIVE US
SOME INFORMATION.

WE SEEM TO BE
RIDING WILD.

GET YOUR INFORMATION
FROM SOMEBODY ELSE.

AND WHO'S PAYING
FOR THIS DAMAGE?

THESE FELLAS ARE AS FRIENDLY
AS A BOBCAT WITH HIVES.

WILL $100
TAKE CARE OF IT?

I HOPE SO. NOW, WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

WHERE WE'RE AIMING FOR
IS PEYTON BRIGGS' PLACE.

YEAH, THE DUDE
RANCH, YOU KNOW?

WELL, IT'S
14 MILES EAST...

PEYTON BRIGGS.

AND THEN IT'S ABOUT A LOOK
AND A HALF STRAIGHT AHEAD.

OH, CLEAR AS
A PRAIRIE DOG'S EYE.

JEAN, DON'T LET MEARS GET
AWAY. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

ROPING EVERY
MORNING AND WHOOPEE AT NIGHT.

WELL, SO LONG,
OLD-TIMER!

DON'T ROPE
ANY WOODEN STEERS.

COME ON, COWHANDS.
TIME TO HIT THE TRAIL.

BLAMED DUDES.

CIGAR COWBOYS.

OH, MR. MEARS,

I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING
YOU TELLING MR. KLINGER

ABOUT HOW FIDGETY RED BOY'S BEEN LATELY.

I HAD THE SAME TROUBLE WITH
ONE OF MY VERY BEST MILKERS,

AND I PUT SULFUR MOLASSES IN HER BRAN,
AND SHE JUST QUIETED DOWN RIGHT AWAY.

I'LL TRY IT
SOMETIME.

NOW, IT'S IMPORTANT THAT
YOU GET THE RIGHT MIXTURE.

THAT'S TWO PARTS
OF MOLASSES

AND ONE PART OF SULFUR
TO TWO PACKS OF BRAN.

OH, JEAN.

I'M SO GLAD I FOUND YOU.
HELLO, MR. MEARS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHAT?

I SAW THOSE DUDES AGAIN, AND
THEY WANT TO BUY OUR RANCH.

YOU DON'T SAY!

UH-HUH. THEY'RE FRIENDS
OF PEYTON BRIGGS.

ARE YOU GOING TO
SELL TO THEM?

WHY NOT? THE PLACE IS
ABOUT AS BIG AS IT CAN GET

WITH THE AMOUNT
OF WATER WE HAVE,

AND IT'S JUST
WHAT THEY WANT.

HOLD ON,
MRS. HAYWARD.

I OFFERED TO BUY
YOUR PLACE.

OH, YOU-YES, I KNOW
YOU DID, MR. MEARS.

BUT DUDES PAY
AWFULLY GOOD MONEY,

REALLY MUCH MORE
THAN IT'S WORTH.

YOU WOULDN'T SELL OUT TO
THE LIKES OF THEM, WOULD YOU?

WHAT CAN WE DO IF WE
CAN'T GET ANY MORE WATER?

AND THEY'RE
THE NICEST PEOPLE,

NOT OLD
STICK-IN-THE-MUDS LIKE US.

THEY'LL WHOOP IT UP
FROM DUSK TO DAWN-

WILD WEST WHOOPEE.

YOU'LL START LIVING.

I AIN'T GONNA HAVE THEM DUDES OUT THERE!

WELL, THEN, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR CHOICE.

IT'S DUDES FOR YOU
OR WATER FOR US.

ALL RIGHT. WATER.

WELL, THEY'RE GOING TO BE
MIGHTY DISAPPOINTED,

BUT ALL RIGHT.

YOU HEARD HIM.

YES.

MEARS, I WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.

CHRIS...

YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU THIS
TIME. I'M TELLING YOU.

I NEED WATER, AND I NEED
IT BAD, AND I AIM TO GET IT.

NOT TILL FRIDAY.

THIS IS BETWEEN
MEARS AND ME.

IT'S NOT A MATTER OF
PERSONAL LIKES OR DISLIKES-

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAID IT WOULDN'T
BE TILL FRIDAY.

IT'LL TAKE ME A COUPLE OF DAYS
TO GET THE PAPERS DRAWN UP.

I'LL BRING THEM
OVER TO YOU THEN.

YOU MEAN
WE GET THE WATER?

STARTING FRIDAY. I KNOW WHEN I'M LICKED.

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY
TO HANDLE THAT CHARACTER.

WASN'T CHRIS
WONDERFUL?

OH, ESPECIALLY
WONDERFUL.

IT WAS NOTHING. I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT EASY.

DO YOU MIND IF I RIDE HOME WITH CHRIS?

NO, NO.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT
TO TELL THE COWS.

SEE YOU LATER.

BYE.

YOU KNOW, BUCKSHOT,
I DON'T GET IT.

ALL I SAID WAS, "MEARS,
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU."

I KNOW IT. I WAS STANDING
RIGHT THERE WHEN YOU SAID IT.

AND THEN I SAID, "YOU STAY OUT OF THIS."

UH-HUH, YOU SURE DID.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT
YOUR FEELINGS, BUT-

OH, YOU DIDN'T.

THE CHIPS
WERE DOWN, AND...

I STILL DON'T
UNDERSTAND IT.

HE GAVE IN
SO EASILY.

WELL, YOU HAD HIM
BACKED AGAINST THE WALL.

YOU WERE SO DYNAMIC.

YEAH.

WELL, IT'S STILL OURS,

BUT WE CAME AWFUL CLOSE TO
HAVING TO GIVE THE WHOLE THING UP.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU,
BUT FERN SPRING DRIED UP ON US-

OUR MAIN SOURCE OF WATER.

CHRIS, I DIDN'T
KNOW THAT.

WELL, WHAT IF
I HADN'T SUP-

WELL, SUPPOSE MEARS
HADN'T DECIDED TO GIVE IN?

WE JUST COULDN'T GET BY ON
THE WATER HE'S GIVING US NOW.

WELL, WHAT-

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
WE'D HAVE DONE.

OH, GEE.

YOU KNOW, BUCKSHOT, I GUESS
A LOT OF FOLKS MIGHT NOT THINK

COUGAR ROCK IS THE
BEST RANCH IN THE WORLD,

BUT WHEN YOU BUILD
A PLACE UP FROM SCRATCH

AND KIND OF IRRIGATED IT
WITH YOUR OWN SWEAT,

WELL, YOU GET
A FEELING ABOUT IT.

I'VE ALWAYS KIND OF FELT
LIKE IT WAS ALIVE-

NOT JUST DIRT
AND ROCK AND SCRUB,

BUT LIKE A REAL PERSON
THAT'S NEVER HAD A BREAK,

AND IT'S WAITING
TO HIT ITS STRIDE.

I KIND OF SOUND LIKE A
REAL-ESTATE SALESMAN, DON'T I?

YOU SOLD ME, MISTER.

WELL, ANYWAY, BUCKSHOT,
WE'RE ON OUR WAY NOW.

YOU KNOW, CHRIS, IF WE
GET ALL THE WATER WE NEED,

WE'LL BUY CATTLE UNTIL
THESE BARNS BULGE.

WE'LL OWN HALF THE STATE
BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH.

YEAH.

MAYBE
JUST A QUARTER.

AND WE'LL BUY BULLS
THAT WILL OUT-BULL THE BULL

THAT OUT-BULLED
MEARS' BULL.

YEAH, BRIDE OF
THE CATTLE KING, THAT'S ME.

HEY, QUEENIE?

WHAT?

HOW ABOUT DECLARING
A ROYAL HOLIDAY?

THE BOYS ARE GOING ON A DEER HUNT.
WHY DON'T WE GO ALONG WITH THEM?

SURE. OH, NO.

I PROMISED
TO TAKE THE KIDS-

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. I SAW POKEY
IN TOWN. SHE WANTS TO COME BACK.

OF COURSE, IF YOU
DON'T WANT HER-

OH, CHRIS, OH!

OH, CHRIS, TELL HER SHE
CAN WEAR MY HATTIE CARNEGIES

ALL AT THE SAME TIME
IF SHE WANTS,

AND TELL HER I'LL RUN A WHOLE
TUBFUL OF PERFUME FOR HER.

PERFUME, NOTHING.

YOU CAN FILL IT UP
WITH WATER NOW.

OH!

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ON A
HUNTING TRIP, HAVE YOU?

YOU'LL HAVE
A LOT OF FUN,

EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW
THE BACK END OF A SHOTGUN

FROM THE FRONT END.

OH, MY AIM'S
PRETTY GOOD.

PRETTY GOOD.

MINE, TOO.

YOU LIKE IT?
OH, CHRIS.

WHAT TIME DO
WE HAVE TO GET UP

TO START AFTER
THESE DEER, DEAR?

WE'LL GET UP
AROUND 4:00.

OH.

WELL...

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE REST OF YOU GALOOTS,

BUT I THINK
I'LL JUST HIT THE SACK.

NIGHT, KAY.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

YEAH. 4:00 DOES COME
KIND OF EARLY.

"BE BACK. HAVE BREAKFAST READY
FOR THE GANG AT 6:00."

WHAT A DIRTY TRICK.

"HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO
ON A HUNTING TRIP?" HE SAYS.

"NEVER CAMPED OUT OVERNIGHT,
HAVE YOU, BUCKSHOT?

YOU'LL JUST LOVE IT."

BROUGHT ME ALONG
TO COOK THEIR OLD BREAKFAST.

"WE'LL HAVE
A ROYAL HOLIDAY."

OK, BOYS, I'LL GIVE YOU
A ROYAL BREAKFAST.

FIRST, WE'LL
HAVE SOME COFFEE-

A LITTLE WATER,
A LOT OF COFFEE.

EGGSHELL...

THERE'S SOMETHING
FOR YOUR BACK TEETH.

OH, OH! CHRIS!

IT'S A COUGAR.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS,
A COUGAR.

WHAT'LL I DO?

OH, CHRIS!

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
BUCKSHOT?

CHRIS, I GOT HIM.

YOU GOT WHAT?

HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE
IN THE BUSHES.

I SNUCK UP ON HIM AND
SHOT HIM. WHAT A SHOT-BANG!

AT FIRST I THOUGHT
I HEARD A SOUND...

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

A COUGAR TRIED
TO KILL ME.

I SHOT HIM. HE'S OVER IN THE BUSHES.

THIS I GOT TO SEE.

YOU THOUGHT
I DIDN'T KNOW

THE BUZZLE END OF A
GUN FROM A MUTT, TOO.

HE'S RIGHT
OVER HERE.

OH, I CAN'T LOOK.

WHAT DID HE DO,
JUST WALK INTO CAMP AND-

AND HE WAS
SUCH A BIG ONE.

KAY!

IS HE STILL ALIVE?

RED BOY!

NO SOAP?

NO SOAP, NO WATER RIGHTS, NO NOTHING...

FROM HIM, THAT IS.

FROM US, COUGAR ROCK RANCH
TO HEAL HIS ACHING HEART.

CHRIS, WHY DID YOU HAVE
TO MARRY SUCH A DOPE?

OH, FORGET IT.
WE'LL MAKE OUT.

I'VE WRECKED
EVERYTHING FOR YOU.

LOOK, THIS ISN'T THE
ONLY RANCH IN THE COUNTRY.

SO WE LOSE IT.

I'LL HIT THE RODEO
CIRCUIT AGAIN,

AND SOMEDAY WE'LL
GET ANOTHER PLACE,

A BETTER ONE.

I'LL SEE TOM RIDDLEY AND ENTER
THE HAZELTON ROUNDUP NEXT MONTH.

CHRIS, WHY DON'T
YOU CUSS ME OUT

OR GIVE ME
A POKE IN THE NOSE?

DON'T GET YOUR LEVI'S
IN AN UPROAR, BUCKSHOT.

ANYBODY CAN HAVE
A HUNTING ACCIDENT.

YOU KNOW, CHRIS, WHEN
JED WAS OUT HERE, HE SAID-

I KNOW WHAT HE SAID.

INCIDENTALLY, THANKS FOR LETTING
ME THINK I WAS A BIG SHOT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IN THE PLEASANT DISCUSSION
WITH MEARS ABOUT THE BULL,

IT SORT OF CAME OUT THAT YOU AND I
WERE GOING TO SELL THE PLACE TO DUDES.

CHRIS, I WAS ONLY
TRYING-

YEAH, I KNOW. LIKE YOU
SAID, I SURE WAS DYNAMIC.

I'M SORRY.

I WON'T LET HIM
DO THIS.

I WON'T LET THAT OLD BUZZARD
PICK YOUR BONES LIKE THIS.

HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO STOP HIM?

BY GOING BACK TO NEW YORK AND
DOING THAT SHOW, THAT'S HOW.

GET THIS THROUGH YOUR HEAD,
KAY. RANCHING'S MY BUSINESS.

ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH
THIS PLACE IS MY PROBLEM.

YOU KEEP OUT OF IT.

KEEP OUT OF IT?

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LET ME FOOL
MEARS ABOUT THE DUDES, EITHER,

BUT WE GOT THE WATER RIGHTS, DIDN'T WE?

YEAH, WE GOT THEM.

THEN YOU SHOT RED BOY, AND WE LOST THEM.

SO YOU ARE HOLDING IT
AGAINST ME.

"ANYBODY CAN HAVE A
HUNTING ACCIDENT," HE SAYS.

WELL, THEY CAN,

AND I'M NOT HOLDING
IT AGAINST YOU.

OF COURSE,
YOU COULD HAVE LOOKED.

OH, FINE. NOW IT
BEGINS TO COME OUT.

DOGGONE IT,
ALL I MEANT WAS-

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SHOUT AT ME.

I'M NOT SHOUTING.
I'M JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU-

I KNOW I'VE MESSED
THINGS UP PLENTY.

BUT IT ISN'T ANYTHING MONEY CAN'T FIX,

SO WHY CAN'T I
PAY FOR IT?

NO!

WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO BE SO STUBBORN?

WHY CAN'T YOU BE PRACTICAL
FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE?

LOOK WHO'S TALKING
ABOUT BEING PRACTICAL.

YOU LISTEN TO ME. I'M GOING TO NEW YORK,

AND I'LL COLLECT
ENOUGH TO BUY YOU-

YOU WON'T BUY ME ANYTHING.

WHAT AM
I SUPPOSED TO DO?

GO AROUND THE REST OF MY
LIFE IN SACKCLOTH AND ASHES

JUST BECAUSE A BIG
TENDERLOIN STEAK GOT SHOT?

NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME,
MR. HAYWARD.

I KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO,
AND NOBODY'S GOING TO STOP ME.

YOU'RE JUST TALKING
TO HEAR YOURSELF TALK.

YOU'RE TRYING
TO PICK A FIGHT.

TRYING? BROTHER,
THIS IS A FIGHT-

OUR FIRST AND LAST.

IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, GO
ON TO NEW YORK AND STAY THERE.

WELL, I WILL.

ALL RIGHT.

AND CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU'RE SLIDING OUT JUST WHEN
THINGS ARE GETTING REALLY TOUGH.

Nan: HI, DADDY!

I GOT "EXCELLENT"
IN READING TODAY.

GOOD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
DADDY? YOU LOOK MAD.

YOU SURE DO-
LIKE LAST SPRING

WHEN THE COYOTES
RAIDED THE CHICKENS.

WHO ARE YOU MAD AT?

DADDY.

LOOK, KIDS, YOU'RE GOING
TO FIND OUT ANYWAY.

I MIGHT AS WELL TELL
YOU. KAY IS LEAVING.

LEAVING?

FOR WHERE?

SHE'S GOING BACK
TO NEW YORK.

SHE'S COMING BACK,
ISN'T SHE?

I DON'T KNOW.

DID SOMEBODY
DO SOMETHING?

NO. THINGS JUST DIDN'T WORK
OUT LIKE WE PLANNED, THAT'S ALL.

DOES SHE WANT
TO LEAVE?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO
DO WITHOUT HER, DADDY?

I'M GOING OVER TO TOM
RIDDLEY'S. I'LL BE BACK.

ARE YOU GOING
RODEOING AGAIN, DADDY?

YEAH.

BUT, DADDY...

GOLLY, MAYBE HE DOESN'T
LOVE KAY ANYMORE.

HE SAID HE FELL IN LOVE
WITH HER LIKE THAT.

MAYBE HE FELL OUT OF
LOVE LIKE THAT, TOO.

HELLO, ANGELS.

OH, KAY,
YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

YOU JUST CAN'T.
WE LOVE YOU.

YOU BELONG HERE.

NO, BABIES, NO, I DON'T. THAT'S JUST IT.

I'M WHAT YOU CALL
OUT OF MY ELEMENT.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WELL, IT'S KIND OF LIKE
A FISH OUT OF WATER.

DID DADDY
CALL YOU THAT?

NO.

NOW, LISTEN, I WANT YOU
BOTH TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND.

SOMETIMES A THING THAT
SEEMS TERRIBLE AT THE TIME

TURNS OUT TO BE
THE BEST FOR EVERYBODY,

LIKE MEDICINE,
BAD-TASTING MEDICINE.

I DON'T MIND TAKING MEDICINE, KAY,

EVEN BAD-TASTING MEDICINE SOMETIMES.

ME, NEITHER.
OH, KAY...

HI, KAY.

OH, HI, ORV.

WELL, WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT?

I'M LEAVING, ORV.

I KNOW. CHRIS TOLD ME
TO TAKE YOU TO THE STATION,

BUT I AIN'T GONNA DO
NO SUCH A THING.

I WANT YOU TO JUST
PUT MY BAGS IN THE CAR.

NOW, KAY,
YOU LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'RE ACTING JUST LIKE
MY SECOND WIFE MARY BELLE-

I MEAN, ELLIE MAE.

SHE PULLED
THE SAME STUNT.

EVERY TIME
WE HAD A HASSLE,

SHE GOT TO PACKING.

WELL, SHE PULLED IT
JUST ONCE TOO OFTEN,

AND I LET HER GO,

AND I AIN'T SEEN HIDE
NOR HAIR OF HER SINCE.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU.

YOU JUST GET OUT
OF THEM DUDS, AND-

THIS IS READY,
AND SO IS THAT ONE THERE.

BUT, KAY,
YOU'RE NOT-

I'M IN A HURRY.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

OH!

GET IN, BOY.

GET IN, PORGY.
COME ON, BOY, GET IN-UP.

LET'S GO.

WELL, I GUESS I AIN'T
NO BETTER A MATCHMAKER

THAN I WAS
A HUSBAND.

I'D SAY
IT'S A PHOTO FINISH.

* LA LA LA LA LA *

JED, LISTEN TO THIS.

JED? JED,
LISTEN TO THIS.

* FUNNY WHAT A TUNE
CAN DO TO YOU *

* UNDERNEATH
THE WESTERN SKY *

BUCKAROO.

* SINGS A SAGEBRUSH... *

SAGEBRUSH
AND BUCKAROOS AGAIN.

DID YOU WAKE ME UP
FOR THAT?

LOOK, KAY, WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE DOING

A SOPHISTICATED MUSICAL
REEKING WITH MANHATTAN-

BROADWAY, HARLEM, THE MET,
THE AUTOMAT, AND THE BMT.

I SUPPOSE
THAT'S NEW STUFF.

IT'S YOUR STUFF, KAY!

THEY DON'T WANT WESTERN
SKIES OVER WYOMING.

THEY WANT STORMY WEATHER
OVER STATEN ISLAND.

WHERE IS IT-

THAT SOMETHING THAT WAS ALWAYS
SUREFIRE FOR A MILLION COPIES?

I DON'T KNOW, JED.

MAYBE I LEFT IT
SOMEWHERE AT THAT.

EVER SINCE
YOU CAME BACK,

I'VE HEARD NOTHING BUT HOWLING
COYOTES AND JINGLING SPURS.

I HEAR THEM
IN MY SLEEP. I-

THINK I HEAR THEM NOW.

I THINK I DO, TOO.

IT'S EVEN GETTING
PORGY.

JED, WE ARE
HEARING THINGS.

KAY! KAY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PUT ME DOWN.

WELL, I TOTED HIM TO YOU ONCE BEFORE,

BUT THIS IS THE LAST
TIME I'M GOING TO DO IT.

PUT ME DOWN, ORV.
HELLO, BUCKSHOT.

WELL, IF HE CAN'T COME HERE
UNDER HIS OWN POWER,

MAYBE YOU'D BETTER
JUST TOTE HIM OUT AGAIN.

NOW, WAIT
A MINUTE, KAY.

WELL, GO AHEAD.
SPEAK YOUR PIECE.

KAY... OH, PUT ME
DOWN FIRST.

KAY, I'M SORRY I WAS SO
STUBBORN ABOUT EVERYTHING, AND...

AND SHE'S
GOT TO COME BACK...

'CAUSE YOU'RE JUST
NO GOOD WITHOUT HER.

THAT'S A FACT, KAY.

EVER SINCE YOU LEFT, I HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO KEEP MY MIND ON ANYTHING.

OR HIS SEAT
IN THE SADDLE, EITHER.

Nan: YEAH. DADDY'S BEEN
BUCKED OFF EVERY BRONC

FROM PENDLETON TO
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S WHY I'M LIMPING.

I'VE BEEN HAVING THE SAME
TROUBLE WITH MY MUSIC.

OH, CHRIS!

Tina and Nan:
WHOOPEE!

BUT, KAY, YOU CAN'T
WALK OUT ON ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO
FINISH THAT SCORE.

HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE A PUNCH IN THE NOSE?

OH, CHRIS, OH!

OH, ORV! DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN TOTE ALL OF US?

JUST STAY BUNCHED UP,
AND LET'S GO.

PORGY, YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO WALK.