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1
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:06,107
- Uh-huh.
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:08,109
Well, Connie, sweetheart, look.
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,211
Why don't you just see
if you can't change
4
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:13,114
that other commitment, huh?
5
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,615
Yeah, yeah.
6
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:17,151
Well, the place I want to
show you is really wild.
7
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,520
Soft lights, romantic music.
8
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,557
Food? (audience laughs)
9
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:27,595
Well, all right, if you
want to waste time eating.
10
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,163
All right, look, why
don't you just see
11
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:32,100
what you can do about it
then call me back, okay?
12
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:36,304
All right (air kisses),
goodbye, sweetheart.
13
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,540
Say, you know, this is the
most complicated gadget
14
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,109
I've seen you work on yet.
15
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:44,044
Why is it you martians are so
far ahead of us earth people,
16
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:45,313
scientifically?
17
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,814
- Because we don't
waste a lot of time
18
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:50,651
talking nonsense on the
telephone. (audience laughs)
19
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,422
- This is nothing but a camera.
20
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,724
- Exactly, it's a
futuroid camera,
21
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,260
taken from the nosecone
of my spaceship.
22
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,728
Well, I'm glad this is fixed.
23
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,663
I couldn't get more than a
couple of hundred thousand miles
24
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,165
towards Mars without it.
25
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,100
- Well, what is the
point of taking snapshots
26
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,468
of outer space?
27
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,438
- Dear boy, these
snapshots, as you call them,
28
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,440
show what will be in the
path of the spaceship
29
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,708
at some time in the future.
30
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,044
I've avoided some nasty
collisions with this.
31
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,079
- Uh, now just one second.
32
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,715
Do you mean to tell
me that this camera
33
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,016
can take a picture of something
34
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,319
that's going to happen
in some future time?
35
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,588
- Well, now, I wouldn't
expect you to grasp
36
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,657
the concept immediately.
37
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:33,294
You see, you earthlings think
of time as a straight line.
38
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,330
Like a road you walk down,
passing objects or events
39
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:37,698
at different intervals.
40
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,267
- It isn't a straight line?
41
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,535
- Oh, yes, you're correct
in thinking of time
42
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:45,038
as straight line, but you
think of space as a mass.
43
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,974
Actually, they're
both straight lines
44
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,244
and can be made to intersect
at any given point.
45
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,345
Let me illustrate.
46
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:52,546
You sit there.
47
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,148
- All right.
48
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,749
- Now first, we
set the space line
49
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,186
to go directly through you,
50
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:02,122
then we set the timeline
for say, oh, 24 hours.
51
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,292
Say "Uranus".
52
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,125
- Uranus.
53
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,661
(camera clicks)
54
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:08,829
You know, if shows
(mumbles) with a haircut,
55
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,398
I'm gonna be in an
awful lot of trouble.
56
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,600
The barbershops are
closed tomorrow.
57
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,868
- Uh-oh, this looks serious.
58
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:19,139
- Well, there is a shop
open tomorrow in Anaheim.
59
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:22,009
(audience laughs)
60
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,512
Oh, yeah, I see me.
61
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,680
I don't who the guy
with the book is.
62
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,550
And the girl, I don't know...
63
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,319
Say, you know something?
64
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,186
This...
65
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,323
This looks like a picture of a--
66
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,724
- Exactly.
67
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,092
I believe you call it a wedding?
68
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:42,363
(upbeat wedding music)
69
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:47,535
(spirited beeping theme music)
70
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,965
(cheerful music)
71
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:25,539
(humorous wedding music)
72
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,944
- I'm not ready to
get married yet.
73
00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,380
I don't know any
girls who are, either.
74
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,482
- Apparently,
there's one who is.
75
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:37,017
(phone rings)
76
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,887
- Hello?
77
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,422
Oh, hello, Connie.
78
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,123
You can?
79
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,593
I can't.
80
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,061
Well, you see, something's
come up, I just can't make it.
81
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,431
I have a 24-hour virus,
and I'm in the first hour.
82
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,765
(audience laughs)
83
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,166
What?
84
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,637
Yes, well, I'll call you
as soon as I get well.
85
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:57,505
Right.
86
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,372
Bye.
87
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,173
That was close.
88
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,575
- And she's not the only one.
89
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:05,178
Tim, I advise complete
isolation for the next 24 hours.
90
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:07,715
(phone rings)
91
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,453
- You take it.
92
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,188
- Hello?
93
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,791
Oh, yes, yes, he's
here, just a moment.
94
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,926
- No.
- It's for you.
95
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,160
- No, no--
- It's all right.
96
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,562
It's your boss, it's
a man, here, take it.
97
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,631
- Oh, oh, hello?
98
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,266
Yeah, hello, Mr. Benson?
99
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,235
Well, yes, sir, I'll
cover the story for him.
100
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,538
No, sir, I'm not doing
anything tonight.
101
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,939
No, I have no date.
102
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:32,806
Nothing.
103
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,842
What?
104
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:35,676
Oh, yes, sir.
105
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,711
Where is the assignment?
106
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:39,480
Mm-hm.
107
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,717
The Kitten Club on the Strip.
108
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,688
All right, sir, I'll
get right over there.
109
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,022
Fine, thanks, Mr. Benson.
110
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,223
Bye now.
111
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,325
Yeah, oh, Mr. Benson?
(line disconnects)
112
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,292
Mr. Benson!
113
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:57,798
The Kitten Club.
114
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,300
On the Strip.
115
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,970
That's that private
key club where they...
116
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,037
Where they have all of those--
117
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,407
- Girls, all beautiful.
118
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,875
Any one of whom could end up--
119
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:11,379
- Yeah, and I've gotta
cover the opening.
120
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,013
See, the regular man's sick.
121
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,748
I was the only reporter
the boss could get.
122
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:16,283
- Tim, I can't say
that I'm surprised
123
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,151
at what this picture reveals.
124
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,554
You have an instinct
for self-destruction
125
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,523
rivaled only by
that of the lemming.
126
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,825
(audience laughs)
127
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,161
(cheerful music)
128
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,830
Tim, Tim, you're supposed
to be at the Kitten Club
129
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,665
in 20 minutes,
you'd better hurry.
130
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:32,900
- Okay, okay.
131
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,535
- Tim, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
132
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,103
- Why are you taking
my shaving lotion?
133
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,638
- Tim, when you're the fish,
134
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,073
you are not required
to bait the hook.
135
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,409
Shall we go?
136
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,843
- [Tim] We?
137
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,777
- Well, you don't think
I'm going to let you
138
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,446
risk your freedom unprotected?
139
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,280
I will be your loyal cameraman.
140
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,916
Ah, if Matthew Brady
and I had only had
141
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,651
one of these at Gettysburg.
142
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,886
- Uncle Martin, do you really
think you're gonna save me?
143
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,388
- Well, I intend to try.
144
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,189
I shall take a
futuramic photograph
145
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,825
of every kitten
at the Kitten Club
146
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,561
before she so much
as meows at you.
147
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:03,230
And if the picture shows
that in the next 24 hours
148
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,566
one of them will be
standing next to you,
149
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,367
we will avoid her
like the plague.
150
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,301
Come along.
151
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,475
(jazzy music)
152
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,879
- Good evening, gentlemen.
153
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,048
I'm Kitten Caroline, may
I show you to your table?
154
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,083
I'll take your hat, sir.
155
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,653
- Oh, just one moment, please.
156
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:26,954
Hold it.
157
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,056
(camera clicks) Thank you.
158
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,592
(jazzy music)
159
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,197
- [Caroline] Will you follow me?
160
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,600
- Just one minute, please.
161
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:40,468
- Okay.
162
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,370
About that beach party tomorrow.
163
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,406
Better take a warm raincoat
and some nice heavy socks.
164
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,942
(audience laughs)
165
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,479
(jazzy music)
166
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,754
(jazzy music)
167
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,099
- Listen, I was just
talking to the manager.
168
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,801
They have 40 kittens here.
169
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,170
There's 20 blondes, 12 brunettes
and eight convertibles.
170
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,539
- Tim, I've been studying
your wedding picture
171
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,674
through a high-powered
magnifying lens,
172
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,075
and I found something
that should help us
173
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,144
zero in on Madame X.
174
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,313
She has a mole right in
the middle of her back.
175
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:27,314
- What?
176
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,049
Well, let me see that.
177
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,685
Where's the magnifying lens?
178
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:32,520
- Here.
179
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,386
- Oh, yeah.
180
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:34,622
Well, a mole, huh?
181
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,323
Well, that should
simplify things.
182
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,959
All we have to do now is, uh...
183
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,895
Are you sure that's
where the mole is?
184
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,130
- I'm afraid so.
185
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,898
However, I have some
ideas on the subject.
186
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:49,102
- Well, you martians aren't
as naive as I thought.
187
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:51,605
- [Kitten] May I
warm up your coffee?
188
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,007
- If you would, please.
189
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,177
Would you mind turning
around for a moment, please?
190
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,045
- Sure.
191
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,180
Cute costume, isn't it?
192
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,115
- Yes, it certainly is.
193
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,054
(mystical music)
194
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,026
- It's cute, but
it's a little drafty.
195
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:16,897
I just felt a chill go
up and down my spine.
196
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:17,765
Bye.
197
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,001
- Oh, I should've known.
198
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,370
I keep forgetting about that
levitation finger of yours.
199
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,538
Well, as long as
you've got that,
200
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,106
this will be like
playing Russian roulette
201
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,708
with a water pistol.
(audience laughs)
202
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,010
- Well, I'd avoid
overconfidence, if I were you.
203
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,879
There's a very lethal
pistol being aimed at you
204
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,146
at this moment.
205
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:40,721
- Oh, that is a whole arsenal,
that's Louise Babcock.
206
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,089
- A friend of yours?
207
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,257
- Well, I tried getting
a date with her once,
208
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,627
but absolutely no luck at all.
209
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,830
- Good, that's one we
don't have to worry about.
210
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,565
- I don't suppose
you know who that is.
211
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,266
- Louise, why do I
always have to be jealous
212
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,002
to prove I love you?
213
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,303
- You just don't care.
214
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,672
- Sure I care, but I trust you.
215
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,173
I know what kind of
upbringing you had
216
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,009
and how strict your father is.
217
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,911
- Oh, well, that's a great
compliment for a girl.
218
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,547
You trust me and my father
doesn't. (audience laughs)
219
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,850
The next time Tim O'Hara
asks me out for a date,
220
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,352
I just might accept.
221
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,921
Do you have anything
to say to that?
222
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,623
- Yeah.
223
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,490
Where do you want to
eat tonight, Jimmy
Chang's or Angelo's?
224
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:18,358
- Neither!
225
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,265
(romantic music)
226
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:36,910
(mystical music)
(audience laughs)
227
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:42,582
(romantic music)
228
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:54,194
(mystical music)
(audience laughs)
229
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,867
(slaps)
230
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,007
- Sorry, cold fingers.
231
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,609
- (sighs) Uncle Martin,
look, I think we oughta quit.
232
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,111
I have enough
material for a story,
233
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,480
and besides, we oughta give
your levitating finger a rest
234
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,482
before it gets me into more
trouble than I'm in now.
235
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,085
- Well, it is beginning
to feel the strain.
236
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,354
Some of those zippers
are pretty rusty.
237
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:23,691
- Tim O'Hara.
238
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,258
I thought you were
never gonna speak to me.
239
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,526
- Hi, Louise.
240
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:27,460
Well, you see, I'm
on an assignment.
241
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,395
I have a deadline to make.
242
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,329
- Yes, and we'd better hurry.
243
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,631
May I have my cap, please?
244
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,166
- You haven't
called me in weeks.
245
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,002
- Well, every time I
do, I can't get a date.
246
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:36,236
- Why don't you try again?
247
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,139
Things may have changed.
(audience laughs)
248
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,974
- Yes, and we'd better
hurry, uh, (clears throat)
249
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,542
may I have my cap, please?
250
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,511
- Let him try, first.
251
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:48,448
- All right, how about,
say, a week from tonight?
252
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,750
- How about tonight?
253
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,651
- Oh, well, with my
assignment and all,
254
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:52,619
I'll be working late.
255
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,521
It just wouldn't be practical.
256
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,857
- Well, if you get
finished early,
257
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,358
why don't you give me a call?
258
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:02,362
- Oh, yes, yes, I'll do that,
I'll make a note of that.
259
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,231
- Uh, Tim?
260
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,733
- Yeah?
261
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:06,599
Hm?
262
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,376
- Now, you don't have
to make a note of it.
263
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,911
I'll get your hat.
264
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,548
How did you do that?
265
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,917
- The finger is
quicker than the eye.
266
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:24,752
Come along, Tim.
267
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:25,618
- Yeah.
268
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,121
- Louise.
269
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,057
- I suppose you're going
to demand an explanation.
270
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,391
- I sure am.
271
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,126
Why does it take you
so long to decide
272
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,395
between Jimmy
Chang's and Angelo's?
273
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,564
- Oh, Sam Evans, I don't
even want to talk to you!
274
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,999
Just march yourself out of here!
275
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,300
- But Louise...
276
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,338
(phone rings)
277
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,210
- Checkroom, Kitten Louise.
278
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:53,080
Daddy, do you have to call me
every night to check on me?
279
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,282
No, no one's gotten fresh.
280
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,851
No one's tried to grab my hand
281
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,754
when I've given them their coat.
282
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:03,356
The biggest tip I've made
so far has been 50 cents.
283
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,926
And I'll be home
at the usual time.
284
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,295
No, I'm not seeing Sam tonight.
285
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,464
Listen, if he calls,
give him this message.
286
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,100
Tell him I have a
date with Tim O'Hara.
287
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,802
He's a newspaperman.
288
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,272
Daddy, I don't have
time to talk, goodbye.
289
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:20,507
Caroline, will you
take over for me
290
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:21,741
until my relief gets here?
291
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,410
I've gotta get dressed
and get out of here.
292
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,878
- Well, sure, hon. Big date?
293
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,180
- [Louise] Mm-hm, unzip me.
294
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:31,218
(audience laughs)
295
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:38,558
- [Tim] Thanks a lot,
Fritz, see ya later.
296
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,392
(whistling)
297
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,861
- [Martin] Who was that?
298
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,429
- Well, that was the messenger,
he just picked up my story.
299
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,864
What are you doing?
300
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,465
- I'm soaking my levitating
finger in Epson salts,
301
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,934
and it feels a lot better now.
302
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,568
- Well, you know, the
evening wasn't half bad.
303
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,104
I guess I danced with
40 girls, and here I am,
304
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:53,406
safe, sound, single.
305
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,675
(knocking)
306
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,083
- Well, here I am.
307
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,018
- Uh...
308
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:05,953
- Aren't you going to ask me in?
309
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,988
- (stammers) Well, uh--
310
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,824
- Now, don't tell me you're
still working on that story.
311
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,459
I passed the messenger
on the way up.
312
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,829
- Oh, the (stammers)...
313
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:17,764
Come in.
314
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:23,871
Would you excuse
me for a minute?
315
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:27,340
I think I left the
radio on in the bedroom.
316
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,579
Uncle Martin, Uncle Martin!
317
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:33,881
What am I gonna do?
318
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,315
- Well, first, we must
find out if the enemy
319
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,484
is using live ammunition.
320
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,518
- What?
321
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:39,352
You mean the mole?
322
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,220
- Exactly.
323
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,622
- Well, I'll tell
you what I'll do.
324
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,157
I'll just dance her by the door,
325
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,927
like a did the
girls at the club.
326
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:47,794
Yeah.
327
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,368
(audience laughs)
328
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,236
Buttons.
329
00:13:57,704 --> 00:14:00,340
If we'd only caught her when
she had on her kitten costume.
330
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,675
- Tim, she brought a
hatbox, didn't she?
331
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:06,646
We'll see if her kitten
outfit is in there.
332
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,449
(sneaking music)
333
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,654
(clicks)
334
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,424
(mystical music)
335
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,537
- All right.
336
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:35,408
Now, how do we get the
kitten in the costume?
337
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,944
- Sometimes, I wonder
how you earth people
338
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,079
got the wheel rolling.
(audience laughs)
339
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,581
Tim, you are an artist.
340
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,016
- I am?
341
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,484
- And you certainly wouldn't
think of sketching her
342
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:47,120
in that dress when she
has an interesting costume
343
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:49,322
with a zipper in the back.
344
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,891
- Oh...
- Oh...
345
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,696
(sultry music)
346
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,069
- You can come in now.
347
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,638
Well?
348
00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:07,740
- Uh, beautiful, yes.
349
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:08,741
Now, if you don't mind
standing right over here
350
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:11,044
with your back to the door.
351
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,017
(sneaking music)
352
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,989
(mystical music)
353
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:26,960
(audience laughs)
354
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,066
(thuds)
355
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,268
- Dad, he was sketching me.
356
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,569
He's an artist.
357
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:38,671
- Artist.
358
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:40,940
Get dressed.
359
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:41,908
- I can go home like this.
360
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,410
- You're not going home.
361
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,679
You're going to Tijuana
and get married, tonight.
362
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,482
(humorous music)
363
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,689
- Oh, boy.
364
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,825
He is just waiting
for Man Mountain, Jr.
365
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,293
to get that car gassed up,
366
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,595
and then get some clothes
for Louise to get married in,
367
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,664
and then, away we go.
368
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:05,898
- What do you propose to do?
369
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,167
- Well, let's get outta here.
370
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,936
Out a window, over
the roof, anything.
371
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,373
- May I remind you that the
futuroid camera is never wrong.
372
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,176
Occasionally, out of
focus, but never wrong.
373
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:19,879
Besides, there's another
brother down there.
374
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,414
- Well, that's just great.
375
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,383
What am I supposed to do,
just waltz down to Tijuana
376
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,617
and get married?
377
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:25,852
Well, I don't want
to get married.
378
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,154
And I don't think
Louise does either.
379
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,821
- At least, not to you.
380
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,557
While you were sketching her,
381
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,892
I took the liberty of
monitoring her thoughts.
382
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,928
The name, Sam Evans,
kept coming up.
383
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:38,531
- Her boyfriend.
384
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:39,732
- I would assume so.
385
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,168
She seems to be intent
on doing something
386
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,370
that will shock him into
being jealous of her.
387
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:46,339
- Oh, well, marrying me
will shock him all right.
388
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,707
- She's obviously
in love with him.
389
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,008
And the thing for
us to do is to get
390
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,411
the two of them together
as soon as possible.
391
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,814
- But what about Babcock and
that other brother downstairs?
392
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,851
- Well, what they can't
see can't hurt us.
393
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,687
- Uncle Martin, don't leave me.
394
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,122
- Fear not, my boy, I
shall be at your side
395
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,856
until the end of this adventure,
396
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,593
even if that should
be at the altar.
397
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:10,430
- Okay. (audience laughs)
398
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,865
(door opens)
399
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,435
- What are you up to?
400
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,204
- Oh, just trying to get
a little cross ventilation
401
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,638
in the room.
402
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:19,806
- Well, if you want cross
ventilation in here,
403
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,875
you have to open the front door.
404
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:25,178
When did that happen?
405
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,046
Well, did you get
the car gassed up?
406
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,915
Got the dress too, huh? (slaps)
407
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,817
I don't think I've
seen that one before.
408
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,252
- I did.
409
00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,954
It has a low back on
her, hasn't it, Louise?
410
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,223
- How did you know that?
411
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,425
- Well, let's just say I
saw it on candid camera.
412
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,294
(audience laughs)
413
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,876
(spirited music)
414
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,381
- Hello, are you free?
415
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,350
- I didn't see you get in.
416
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,285
- Hey, you're Sam
Evans, aren't you?
417
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,053
You go with that hatcheck
girl in the club.
418
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,189
- Yeah, how'd you know?
419
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,890
- Oh, a fella mentioned
it when he was telling me
420
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,325
about Tim O'Hara.
421
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,927
- What about Tim O'Hara?
422
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,396
- Well, maybe I shouldn't
have mentioned it,
423
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:17,497
but this fella was saying that
they were together tonight
424
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,500
in O'Hara's
apartment. (chuckles)
425
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,869
- Oh, that's where she went.
426
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,271
She's mad at me.
427
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,605
- You really trust
this girl, don't you?
428
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,274
- Sure, she's a good girl.
429
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:31,077
- Would you trust her all
the way to Tijuana, Mexico?
430
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,045
- How far is Tijuana?
431
00:18:33,079 --> 00:18:35,114
- [Martin] About 110 miles.
432
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,616
- Oh, sure.
433
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,151
Last summer, she went all
the way to the Grand Canyon
434
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:38,985
with a girlfriend.
435
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,220
I trusted her then.
436
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,721
- Mm.
437
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,691
What if I told you they went
to Tijuana to get married?
438
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,193
Would you still trust her?
439
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,460
- Sure, they went to
see the bullfights,
440
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,761
that's what happened.
441
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,030
- At this time of night?
442
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,732
Oh, well, forget it.
443
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,203
- Where you want to go, mister?
444
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:57,604
- Well, I'm not sure
what good it'll do,
445
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,273
but you'd better take
me to Tijuana, Mexico.
446
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,974
- Yes, sir.
447
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:04,344
Boy, I hope she had dinner.
448
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,578
- Who, where?
449
00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:08,147
- Louise, at what's
his name's apartment.
450
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,083
She gets very hungry after
work. (audience laughs)
451
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:13,353
- Well, they didn't
have much time to eat.
452
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,988
He was, uh, sketching her.
453
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,224
- He was what?
454
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,158
- Sketching her.
455
00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:20,960
- There's only one thing
worse than a newspaperman,
456
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,496
that's an artist.
(audience laughs)
457
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:26,433
He wasn't sketching
her in, uh...
458
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,167
Without, uh...
459
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:29,569
- Let's just say her
father wouldn't approve
460
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:34,341
of the way she was
dressed. (audience laughs)
461
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:37,210
- I'm sure glad you're
going to Tijuana.
462
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,111
I'm gonna look that Tim
O'Hara up and give him
463
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,613
what he deserves.
464
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,781
- Good for you, Sam.
465
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,049
- The minute I let you off,
466
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,951
I'm going straight
to the bullfights.
467
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,820
(audience laughs)
468
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:52,892
(energetic Mexican music)
469
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:09,276
- Esta bien, the
papers are in order.
470
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:12,912
Now, what kind of a
marriage do you desire?
471
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:16,283
There is a $50 marriage,
and a $10 marriage.
472
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,451
- What's the $10 marriage like?
473
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:21,988
- Oh, senor, many
people, they say to me,
474
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,991
"Miss Gonzales, why you
have never married?"
475
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,960
And I always tell them
it's because I have seen
476
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:31,163
too many $10 marriages.
(audience laughs)
477
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,266
- All right, we'll
take the $50 marriage,
478
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,134
but let's get on with it.
479
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,903
- Muy bien, senor.
480
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,771
Who's doing the paying?
481
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:39,639
- I am.
482
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,477
- Now, will you step inside
and complete arrangements
483
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,145
with Judge Gonzales?
484
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,179
- Of course.
485
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:52,719
Oh, uh, just call me in case
this fellow tries anything.
486
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,155
- Oh. (laughs)
487
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:59,125
- By the way, if at
any time in the future
488
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,193
you should want a divorce,
489
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:03,029
please do not forget us, huh?
490
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:06,333
We give a generous discount
to repeat customers.
491
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:10,537
- I'll take one.
(audience laughs)
492
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:13,973
- Coast is clear.
493
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,910
- [Tim] Oh, am I
glad to see...(thuds)
494
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:21,348
(audience laughs)
495
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,583
- Sam, you're jealous,
you really do love me!
496
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,017
- Senor?
497
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,853
Senor, may I give you
our business card?
498
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,856
We also defend assault cases.
499
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:31,491
(buzzing)
500
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,693
Oh, they're ready for
the bride and the...
501
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:37,163
Groom? (audience laughs)
502
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:42,535
- Let's make a break for it.
503
00:21:42,569 --> 00:21:43,636
- It'll never work, Tim.
504
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:44,571
- Why?
505
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:45,772
The futuroid picture, remember?
506
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,507
Go on in, I'll
think of something.
507
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,376
- Oh, you'd better.
508
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:50,309
Well, uh...
509
00:21:51,378 --> 00:21:52,412
Come on, Louise.
510
00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:53,880
- Well, I guess it's all right,
511
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,382
if her father's in
there. (audience laughs)
512
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:57,650
- I do not understand
what goes on here.
513
00:21:57,684 --> 00:22:00,286
- My dear Miss Gonzales, I
was just about to explain
514
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,021
the entire matter.
515
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:04,357
Now, first of all...
516
00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:07,527
- (speaking Spanish).
517
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:12,432
- He doesn't understand
much English.
518
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,901
Except when I paid him
for that $50 wedding.
519
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:17,704
He understood that real
good. (audience laughs)
520
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:20,072
- (speaks Spanish).
521
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:22,942
(audience laughs)
522
00:22:25,945 --> 00:22:26,946
What page...
523
00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:30,216
What page?
524
00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:35,154
- Oh, I'm sorry for the delay.
525
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:38,791
I make a little mistake
on the document.
526
00:22:38,825 --> 00:22:41,994
- (speaking Spanish).
527
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,665
With a $50 wedding.
528
00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:52,104
(speaking Spanish)
(organ music)
529
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,442
Man and wife. (audience laughs)
530
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:56,809
- Very pretty wedding.
531
00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:59,612
(audience laughs)
532
00:22:59,646 --> 00:23:02,482
Well, what's the matter, son?
533
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:04,250
You're not saying anything.
534
00:23:04,283 --> 00:23:08,120
What's your first
words as a married man?
535
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:11,891
- Help! (audience laughs)
536
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,861
- Now, that's not the
right attitude, son.
537
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:18,598
Now's the time for the
groom to kiss the bride.
538
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:22,502
- Si, but first the groom
must come into the room.
539
00:23:22,535 --> 00:23:23,369
- What are you talking about?
540
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,437
He's the groom.
541
00:23:24,471 --> 00:23:26,105
- Oh, no. (laughs)
542
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:27,607
He is only the proxy.
543
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,977
- Si, proxy, the groom
is somewhere else.
544
00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:33,045
- What is this,
some kind of trick?
545
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,514
- No trick at all, Mr. Babcock.
546
00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:35,648
Perfectly legal.
547
00:23:35,682 --> 00:23:38,585
Let me introduce the groom.
548
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,853
- [Louise] Sam, we're married!
549
00:23:40,887 --> 00:23:43,355
- Uncle Martin, if they're
married, what am I?
550
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:46,325
- Tim, my boy, you are
a proxy, a stand-in.
551
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:48,094
Miss Gonzales very
kindly pointed out
552
00:23:48,127 --> 00:23:50,630
that there is a $75
wedding in which the groom
553
00:23:50,663 --> 00:23:52,164
does not have to be present.
554
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:55,267
I was glad to pay
the difference.
555
00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:56,836
- This is the first
proxy wedding we ever had
556
00:23:56,869 --> 00:23:59,171
where the groom was so close by.
557
00:23:59,205 --> 00:24:01,674
Usually, they're
heading for the border.
558
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:03,309
- I'm sorry about
this, Mr. Babcock.
559
00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,277
I hope you don't mind a
switch in son-in-laws.
560
00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:08,447
- No, Louise seems to
like that one better.
561
00:24:08,481 --> 00:24:10,249
And I think I do, too.
562
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,684
That one looks smarter.
563
00:24:11,718 --> 00:24:13,119
(audience laughs)
564
00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:14,821
- Yeah, well. (laughs)
565
00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:16,055
I feel like a celebration.
566
00:24:16,088 --> 00:24:17,524
How about you people?
567
00:24:17,557 --> 00:24:20,026
- If you don't mind, Louise
and I would like to be excused.
568
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:21,961
- Oh, sure, Sam, we understand.
569
00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:24,263
- It's getting
kinda late, and, uh,
570
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:25,732
we want to get up early tomorrow
571
00:24:25,765 --> 00:24:28,968
to get good seats for the
bullfights. (audience laughs)
572
00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:30,202
- Wait a minute.
573
00:24:30,236 --> 00:24:32,004
I want something to
remember this by.
574
00:24:32,038 --> 00:24:35,608
(camera clicks) Thank you.
575
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:39,011
- Well, uh, what
did you set it for?
576
00:24:39,045 --> 00:24:40,780
- One year from now.
577
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:43,349
- And, uh, the verdict?
578
00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:47,353
- Twins. (audience laughs)
579
00:24:47,386 --> 00:24:50,657
(spirited theme music)
40753
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