All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S03E03.Martin.of.the.Movies.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(upbeat music playing)

- Hi Uncle Martin.

- [Martin] Good evening, Tim.

- Is that an arrow in the wall?

- Oh, I just ran a test

with my cathode-ray
centrifigual time breaker scope

and it ended up in 1750.

- 1750?

- Yes, the dial slipped.

And believe me, Tim.

There's nothing more
aggravating to an Indian

than interrupting his war dance.

- Well, if you can
go back to 1750,

I guess you've got it licked.

I guess you'll be
going home pretty soon.

- Well I'm afraid
it's not so easy.

You see to get back to the
exact moment before my crash

so I can prevent
it from happening,

well time is curved.

- Oh, Einstein's
simplified field theory.

- Yes, I simplified it for him.

At any rate, the current
between now and 1963

when I crashed is so slight
my CCTBS can't manage it.

The nearest I can get is 1945.

- Oh well that's too bad.

Well, I certainly
don't mind you staying.

- I know, Tim.

Thank you.

Well, I see my old friends
are writing to me again.

The gas company, the
electric company,

the phone company, and here's
a copy of TV illustrated

to help me forget the gas
company, the electric company,

and the phone company.

(zany xylophone music)

- Uh oh, no no no.

As if things weren't
difficult enough.

May I?

Silent pics, tonight.

A Vale in the Desert.

Starring Mark le Martin.

Tim, they mustn't show
that film on TV tonight.

- Why not?

- Because in 1925,
a certain martian

was on an exploratory flight

and accidentally landed
here in Hollywood.

I am Mark le Martin.

(zany upbeat music)

(opening theme song)

(upbeat music)

- What were you doing
in a movie studio?

- Oh, just visiting.

But that sight of that
incompetent passing himself off

as an actor, I just
couldn't resist saying

what I thought of him.

- Go on, I know the rest.

They couldn't resist you.

A star was born.

- Exactly.

And how can I explain
to Lorelei, the milk
man, the grocer,

anyone who sees me in those
films without answering

some very incriminating
questions.

- I don't know what to
tell you, Uncle Martin.

I mean how can
you fight history.

(bright piano music)

- With a time machine.

Thank you, Tim.

- Oh, you're welcome.

But for what?

The picture has
already been made.

- With my CCTBS, I can go back
to 1925, visit the studio,

walk past the set,

and no matter how horrible
that man's performance is,

I won't say a word.

Then he won't be fired,
I won't be hired,

and tonight when Brennan
sees the Vale in the Desert,

he'll see it with its
original no talent star.

- Now wait a minute, do you
mean that you're going back

to Hollywood, 1925, right now?

- Immediately.

- 10 am, June the first, 1925.

Locator, Gower Gulch, Hollywood.

- Well Uncle Martin,
are you going...

(electronic beeping)

- [Reinbein] Take
her by the hand,

Gut, zehr gut.

Now take her in
your arms, Irving.

That's right.

Now kiss her.

Nein.

(Reinbein yelling)

I said kiss her.

This is a love scene
not a wrestling match.

We better shoot it
before he kills her.

(whistle blows)

Action.

- This is it all right.

He's about to make
the same scene.

- Well so are you, remember.

No comments.

- Wait here and don't worry.

If there's one thing a martian
has got, it's will power.

- [Reinbein] Action.

Now Irving, you have
just ridden 1,000 miles

across the burning
sands to reach her.

Now reach.

Good.

- Omar, you.

- Saharaza, my life.

- Now, Irving.

Make it with the eyebrows.

- I won't look and
I won't say it.

- Omar, my Omar.

Sweep me in your arms and
take me away with you.

- Then I go to fight the rips.

- Mustn't say it.

- But I want to be at your side.

- No.

- [Reinbein] Cut!

Stop.

Irving, feeling.

I want more feeling.

You see?

- Don't tell me how to act?

Who gets all the fan
mail around here?

The director or the star.

- Camera, action.

- But I want to be at your side.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes.

- No.

- No, Uncle Martin.

No no no, it's beyond
human endurance.

No, no, no, you're even worse
then the last time I saw you.

- Stop, stop the cameras.

Stop everything.

Who is butting in here
with the no no no?

- Your acting sir is about
as thrilling an experience

as watching paint dry.

- What?

- You emote with as much feeling

as a double dose of Novocaine.

In short, you sir are
the least talented actor

that I have ever seen.

You're much more attractive
that way, my dear.

- You are right.

Absolutely.

- Yeah, maybe he thinks
he can do it better.

- Sir, I could play a love
scene better than that

and eat hot pastrami
sandwich at the same time.

- Here we go again.

(trill of music)

- I could understand your
blurting out, how you felt.

And then showing the director
how a good actor would do it.

But Uncle Martin,
signing a contract?

- I had to sign.

Until I find someone
to replace me.

Once he saw my brilliant
performance, Tim,

he said that without me,

he wouldn't make Vale
in the Desert at all.

And truthfully,
who can blame him?

- But suppose, you don't
find a replacement.

- I have to.

- So, all you have to
do now is find an actor

that's better than yourself.

Well, lots of luck.

- Not an actor, too much ego.

No no no no, I'm looking
for a very special person.

Someone with no ego at all.

- In Hollywood?

- Your soup.

Wait a minute.

Your soup, gentlemen.

I'm very sorry.

Thank you very much.

- Tim, someday you'll be able
to say you were served dinner

by one of the biggest
stars in Hollywood.

- Him?

But what's with that hair?

He looks like a
premature Beatle.

- Yes, he's perfect.

- But can he act?

- Let me see.

Physical fitness,
ah, here we are.

Self expression pills.

Hmm, and my last one.

- Yes, but will that
make him an actor?

- Didn't you ever hear the
saying all the world's a stage?

On Mars, we believe it.

And we're all superb.

With this pill, he'll be
endowed with voice lessons,

diction, courage, body work,
fencing, and that sixth sense

I once gave to a
promising young thespian

named David Gehrig,
stage presence.

Waiter, waiter.

- Yes sir.

Here.

- Taste this soup.

- The soup?

There's something
wrong with the soup?

- Taste it.

- I'll bring you another bowl.

- I don't want another bowl.

I want you to taste this soup.

- Yes sir.

It tastes very nice.

Like minestrone.

(alien music)

It tastes more of the stuff
that once made Rome great.

It could fill the bellies
of conquering legions.

You're a hero.

Out, sir.

That is no ordinary
bowl of soup.

You have set before you,

a veritable soup of soups.

A soup, the bowls of which
shape the hungry world.

- 59 seconds, exactly.

And now young man, I would
like to introduce you

to your new motion
picture agent, Mr. O'Hara.

- Me?

- To be, or not to be.

That is the question.

- Ah, von Reinbein is
almost ready to see you.

I better make myself scarce.

I don't want to change
any comparisons.

- But Uncle Martin, me?

An agent?

- Just talk fast.

Say yes to everything.

And call everyone baby.

Meet me outside the restaurant
in an hour ready to go.

And remember, everything
is depending on you.

- Mr. von Reinbein
will see you now.

- Thank you, chickybaby.

Mr. von Reinbein baby,

you are looking at the
greatest future star

since Francis X.
Bushman, and baby sir,

if you want to sell tickets...

- Silence.

What do you think, darling?

Like him better
than that Le Martin?

- I think he's adorable.

(slinky instrumental music)

Yes, oh yes.

- Wunderbar.

He's a genius.

Another von Reinbein discovery.

- Me?

- You have a brought
me a great talent here.

- But you're making
a large error.

- What fire.

What eyes.

- But, Miss Normandy baby, I...

- Did you hear when
he called me baby?

Oh what feeling.

We'll be fantastic on
the screen together.

- Yeah, but I've
never acted before.

- Don't you want
to be a movie star?

- Well I...

- Don't you want to
be my leading man?

- Well come to think of it
I did have the lead once

in my class play.

- [Reinbein] You see?
He has background.

He's a real actor.

- Come to think of
it, I was pretty good.

- You'll be a sensation.

We'll be a sensation.

- Actor.

(drumroll)

Report for a screen
test immediately.

- Yeah, but I think...

- I said immediately.

- Gavolt.

(music)

- I hate to lose you
but I have to be honest,

my great new star, I love him

and the best part by
Viola is crazy about him.

(dog barking)

There he is.

Coming.

My new great star.

- Rin Tin Tin?

- Wait til you see him.

Timothy.

- Oh no.

- Not oh no, O'Hara.

(triumphant music)

- Mark, old boy, you'll never
guess what's happened to me.

- You've been chosen
clean for a day.

Now listen, Tim.

- Isn't he just it.

- Yes, but the question is what.

- Don't listen to him,
my sweet little patootie.

And Mark, you be careful

or I won't let you
ride in my Duesenberg

after I get new
leopard seat covers.

WW listen, I thought you
were going to do something

about my dressing room.

- But you have the biggest
dressing room on the lot.

Doug Fairbanks had
it before he left.

- Well I don't blame
him for leaving it.

It only has one mirror.

- Tim, Tim.

- Excuse me, please.

- Tim, you can't be
serious about this.

- Why not?

Why should I accept the
hand me down dressing room?

- You know what
I'm referring too.

Now will you stop this farce
with those dark glasses

and that manicured mongrel?

- Oh come on, Uncle Martin.

I was just kidding around.

That's all.

I just want to enjoy the moment.

- Well...

- Sure, a small mansion, an
indoor swimming pool, a yacht.

And the love of a sweet lady
who earns as much as I do.

Isn't she the cat's meow?

Well I'll tell you
what I'll do, WW.

I think perhaps
I think I'll stay

in the same dressing
room after all,

I don't want anyone to think
I'm getting a swelled head.

- Sehr gut.

- Just make sure you
put a larger star

on my dressing room.

(upbeat music)

- That boys needs help.

He's gone so Hollywood that
unless I can do something,

I may never get him out of 1925.

(upbeat exciting music)

- Ah but Mr. Le
Martin, it's no use.

I'm no actor.

I'm just a big nothing

who's going to be a
waiter all his life.

Maybe you'd like to try
the veal scallopini.

- That I can't understand.

How could they possibly
overlook you and pick Tim.

Of course.

Joe, would you make
me a nice salad.

- Oh, sure.

- I forgot this is 1925.

- I won't forget.

This is the year I
didn't become an actor.

- You're not going to
become just an actor, Joe.

You're going to be a star.

- Oh, okay then.

- A big star.

(alien sound effects)

- Either somebody's a wise guy

or it's raining olive
oil in this restaurant.

Oh, my hair.

It was the only
thing I had left.

- Oh no no no, Joe.

It looks fine.

(alien sound effect)

- Oh, some movie star.

I look like the back
of Tom Mix's horse.

- On the contrary, slicked down
hair is going to be the rage

of the 1920's.

The latest style
for leading men.

- But since when?

- Since just now.

Thank you, Joe.

That was fear, WW.

Now Joe will show us how
he registers passion.

Passion, Joe.

(passionate instrumental music)

- Brilliant.

A genius.

- Naturally, he studied
under the greatest actor

in the world.

And compared to him, that
amateur Timothy O'Hara is...

- Yeah, but the question
is does he have sex appeal?

- A good question.

(alien sound effect)

- Oh, dear.

- He's great.

Sensational, stupendous.

- I am?

- My new star.

Another von Reinbein discovery.

I sign him.

- Good.

- For my next picture.

- Your next picture?

But what about the
Vale in the Desert?

- Oh, we have to use O'Hara.

Viola won't stand for
any other leading man.

Anyhow, I have an iron
clad contract with him.

You think I want to get sued?

- And undoubtedly you would.

- But him, we must
have a new name for.

We are going to make
this nice fellow

into a great big movie star.

- Yes, but now how do I
make a great big movie star

into a nice fellow.

(trilling music)

- I'm sorry, but if
you don't mind waiting,

perhaps on the way out.

Love you all, love you.

Well Uncle Martin, I hope
this won't take too long.

I have the most beautiful
creature in the world

waiting for me outside
in just a few minutes.

- Don't you think you'd better
take off those dark glasses?

We're not expecting our next
solar eclipse until March 1932.

- Oh come on, Uncle Martin.

You can't bug me.

Oh I keep forgetting that
expression won't be good

for another forty years.

- Precisely, and that
brings us to the reason

I asked you to meet me Tim.

The time for your life
is forty years from now.

- Oh?

Then how come I'm having the
time of my life right now?

Look I have a beautiful
girl, a career,

my name up in lights.

- Tim, you're not even
supposed to be here.

- Alright, so I'm
a decade crasher.

Look, I think she's
waiting outside.

- One moment, Tim.

I've got to show you something.

Something that may
make you think twice.

- Oh I'll think twice, alright.

But I'll think the
same thing both times.

- We'll see.

Would you mind looking
into your plate?

Even though it's not a mirror.

(alien sound effect)

Photo telepathy, the time
is a moment after we left

to come here.

The place, the Motion Picture
Home for Retired Actors.

- [Tim] Who's the
cast of characters?

The old guy looks familiar?

- [Martin] He should.

His name is Tim O'Hara.

- That's me?

- Remember it's over
40 years from now.

You decided to stay behind.

- Have there been
any messages for me?

Did Mr. DeMille call yet?

Oh.

Has there been any
word from my fan clubs?

- I'm sorry.

- That's me.

That silly old egotist.

But what am I doing in
the Motion Picture Home?

I'm a big star.

- You are now, Tim.

But this is 1925.

In 1928, something unforeseen
is going to happen.

- You mean...

- Exactly.

You didn't make it into talkies.

- Well, I guess it's not so
bad being a newspaper man

and eating Mrs. Brown's
chocolate broccoli pies.

- That's right, Tim.

You see the only way
people can really be happy

is to be themselves.

- Yeah.

But what I really hate
to give up is Viola.

- I know.

But things have a
way of working out.

Time, return to
moment of origin,

place, Tim O'Hara's apartment,

Hollywood.

- You mean, we're
going back right now?

Just a second, Uncle Martin,

here comes Viola.

- Do you think I could just?

Well I've got to do something.

Couldn't I just say goodbye?

- Tim, sometimes goodbye can
make it even more difficult

to say goodbye.

Especially when
it's someone to whom

you should have
never said hello.

(sentimental music)

- [Announcer] And that
was just a preview scene

from tonight's silent pics.

WW von Reinbein's A
Vale in the Dessert,

starring Viola Normandy
and Valentine Rudolpho.

- Valentine Rudolpho?

- They made Joe change his name.

- But Rudolpho was one
of the greatest lovers

of silent pictures.

- Viola had to find someone
to help her forget about you.

- Well at least one of
us was able to forget.

- Tim, I realize you're
still thinking of her.

But I know you'll meet someone

who'll make you
forget all about her.

- Well it'll take a hypnotist.

- Try not to be so hopeless.

(knocking on door)

- Now what?

- It's a young reporter
your editor sent over

for some assistance.

- Just what I need right now.

You know it's probably
some young fresh kid

just out of journalism
school, he probably has...

- [Woman] Hello, Mr. O'Hara?

- Viola?

How did you get...

- How did you know my name?

- Won't you come in?

I'm Tim's uncle.

I hope you'll forgive me.

I'm afraid you resemble
someone he thinks he knows.

- Gee, that's funny.

It's usually older folks

say I remind them
of my grandmother.

- Your grandmother?

- She was a silent
movie star people say.

Gee I don't want to take
up too much of your time.

Mr. Koter said that you
wouldn't mind checking over

these stories.

I'm not sure that my
construction is right.

- Oh take my word, it's great.

I mean shall we go to work?

Did you know about this?

- Well let's put
it this way Tim.

Who do you think coined the
phrase history repeats itself?

(music trills)

(ending theme music)