All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S03E01.Go.West.Young.Martian.1.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb_Subtítulos01.ENG

(cheerful instrumental music)

- Uncle Martin, when are you
going to stop wasting time

with that time
machine gizmo of yours

and start working
on something useful?

(grapefruit squirts)

Like building radar so you
can tell from which direction

a grapefruit is gonna squirt.

- When are you going
to stop referring

to every scientific
achievement as a gizmo,

a gimmick, or a doohickey?

The proper nomenclature
is cathode ray,

centrifugal time brachoscope.

Now would you mind
finishing the grapefruit

at the dinner table, or
else fetch me an umbrella?

- Sorry.

Say,

do you really think
that centurfa --

that centrif --

- Doohickey.

- Yeah.

You think that's going
to get you back home?

- I'm sure of it.

Once I can lick the
fine tuning problem

and set myself for the exact
time prior to the crash,

I can correct the
malfunction of my ship

and fly back to Mars.

- It just occurred to me that,

if you alter time so
that you were never here,

I won't be able to remember you.

- Please, Tim, spare
me the sentimentality.

The weakest part of
a Martian's anatomy

is his tear ducts.

We cry a lot.

(door knocking)

- Yoo-hoo, Martin,
it's me, Lorelei.

- Lorelei, what a
pleasant surprise.

You've made my day.

And ruined my night.

Good evening, Detective Brennan.

- It was, until Lorelei
insisted we drop up here

to see you.

Well, well.

What time-saving device
hath the Thomas Edison

of Cucamonga wrought today?

Don't tell me, it's an alarm
clock that doesn't ring.

For late risers who
don't have jobs.

- Oh, my, what a wonderful idea.

That would be a perfect
gift for my brother-in-law

next Christmas.

Bill and I are
going to the movies,

and I thought maybe
you'd like to join us.

- Thank you Lorelei,

but I'm afraid I have
a lot of work to do.

- Well, things are
looking brighter again.

Shall we go, Lorelei?

Ta-ta, and oh, oh, oh.

Don't forget to put
away your tinker toy

before you get
into your jammies.

- (sighs) That Brennan.

If it weren't for one thing,
I'd break him in half.

- What thing?

- I'd be stuck with two of him.

(machine beeping)

- What happened?

- The CCTBS.

Brennan must have flipped
the delayed action switch.

- How about these clothes?

Where'd we get these clothes?

- Well, when the CCTBS
throws us back in time,

it converts our clothes
to the locale and era.

- We're not on
West Mars, are we?

- I strongly doubt it.

West Mars does not include
a city named St. Louis.

- St. Louis?

(laughs) Oh, that's
not St. Louis.

I know, I've been
there plenty of times.

- In 1849?

(cheerful instrumental music)

(beeping)

(mysterious instrumental music)

(beeping)

(cheerful instrumental music)

("Camptown Races")

- Well, I still
don't understand.

Do you mean to tell me
that your time machine

threw us all the
way back to 1849?

All right, why St.
Louis of all places?

- The dial just happened
to be on those points

when Brennan activated
the delayed action switch.

- Oh, well, being as I
don't know anybody in town,

especially in the year
1849, would you mind

flicking whatever switches
have to be flicked,

and we'll just get
right on back to Los --

To Los Angeles --

The CCTBS?

I don't see it around anywhere.

- Of course you don't
see it around anywhere.

The machine went back
in 1849 time as well.

But as neither of
us was holding it,

it remained in its same locale

in Mrs. Brown's
house in California.

- Well, thank
goodness it's safe.

- It isn't.

Mrs. Brown's house is not to
be built for another 100 years.

- Do you mean that machine is
out in the middle of that --

- Undeveloped land.

Exposed to the elements
and who knows what.

- What are we waiting for?

Come on, let's go get it.

- Come back here,
come back here.

2,000 miles to go.

And wagon trains west don't
leave every 15 minutes.

The Riverboat to St.
Joe leaves at six.

- St. Joe?

- It's one of the
jumping off spots

for wagons going west
on the Santa Fe trail.

I've already worked out
where we will probably --

- Yep.

- What's this?

- These are nine-course
meals for the sum total

of 10 cents each.

Every time we eat out, we
ought to come back here.

At these prices, we
can't afford not to.

Here you are, my good
man, and keep the change.

- Tim, wait.

Tim, you shouldn't
have done that.

- Oh, come on, let's not
quibble about the tab,

Uncle Martin.

I know a nickel might
be over-tipping, but --

- I'm not referring to
your generous nature,

but merely to the currency
with which you paid the waiter.

- Why, what's wrong with it?

- It's counterfeit, that's what.

- That's ridiculous.

- It's a buffalo nickel

and two perfectly
good Roosevelt dimes.

- I've seen a buffalo before,

but what's a Roosevelt?

- That looks like ...

Brennan.

I can't believe it.

How'd he get here?

- Not Brennan, Tim.

Brennan's great-grandfather.

I recall Detective
Brennan remarking

that there was a
lawman in his family

as long as he could remember.

But I never thought
to rue the day

I'd meet up with another one.

- Now rue this.

Look, it's 5:30.

That riverboat's gonna
leave at six o'clock.

- A fact I'm well
aware of, thank you.

And I suggest that you
remove that wristwatch.

- Why?

- They aren't to become an
innovation for some time yet.

- It's lucky we weren't
thrown further back in time.

I'd have a very hard
time wearing a sundial.

What are you doing?

- I'm trying to levitate
the keys out of his pocket.

But he's sitting on them.

I'm afraid we're going to have
to take more drastic measures

to break out.

Now for a little
practical ventriloquism.

OK, Marshal, hands up.

Don't turn around.

Just get the keys to the cell

and let my buddies out.

Hurry up.

Don't try any funny stuff.

(keys jingling)

(cell door slamming)

There she is.

- There she goes.

We're too late, look.

- Instantly remedied,
I assure you.

- Pull around.

Pull on it, pull.

- Let's see, the
fare in those days

was something like
one cent a mile.

That would be $3
a head to St. Joe.

How much money have you got?

- Four bucks.

- Excellent.

You're the only one
who will need fare.

- Oh no, mm-mm, I'm not
going back into the clink.

Not for using this
kind of money again.

- Just hold out your hand.

Hold it out.

That's it.

All it needed was some
slight re-engraving.

- Hey.

The Western Branch of
the Carson City Bank.

Won't this sort of
foul up their books?

- The news hasn't
reached here yet,

but history has it, the
bank burned down yesterday.

All the books were destroyed.

Now, for goodness sakes,

my finger's beginning to ache.

Will you get on board?

- Where will you be?

- Right behind you as always.

- Uncle Martin?

Hey, hey, look.

- Stop that boat!

Stop that boat!

(whistle sounds)

- Well, what can I say
at a time like this, but

bon voyage!

- We're certainly not
breaking any speed records.

- I think their means of
transportation has improved

a great deal since my
last trip on the Missouri.

- Your last trip?

- With Lewis and Clark in 1804.

All we had then was a canoe.

- Help!

Help, my money!

I've been robbed!

What in the world
did you do that for?

- Mrs. Brown!

- Who?

- Mrs. Brown!

- I don't know what you're
talking about, young man.

My name is Glutz.

- Glutz.

Lorelei Glutz.

In time to come, the
great-grandmother of Mrs. Brown.

- Oh dear, he was chasing
after the man who robbed me.

If you hadn't stopped him,
he'd have probably caught him.

Oh dear, what am
I going to do now?

- Fear not, dear lady.

My nephew and I will try to
find the culprit for you.

- Oh.

- You've really
done it this time.

With Lorelei's dowry
gone, she'll never be able

to go west, meet the man
she's supposed to marry,

and eventually
produce a daughter,

who in turn will produce
Lorelei as we know her.

- Wait a minute.

Do you mean that
when we get back,

there won't be any Mrs. Brown?

- Nor Mrs. Brown's house, nor
a garage housing my spaceship.

That is, unless we get Lorelei
Glutz's money back for her.

Now come on.

- Those two gonna cause
us any trouble, Pete?

- Could be.

Only I think we can cause
them some trouble first.

- You mean we're
gonna plug 'em, Pete?

- No need to.

Those are two guys the
marshal locked up over there

in St. Louis.

They must have broke
out of the jail there.

All we gotta do is be
law-abiding citizens,

tell the captain, let the
law do the rest for us.

- (laughs) That's
a funny one, Pete.

You and me, law-abiding
citizens. (laughs)

- Well, have you heard any
good criminal minds lately?

- Nothing more than a
little bit of larceny

most earthlings have in them.

- Hey.

How about him, he looks
pretty shifty-eyed, huh?

- A fine thing to
say about the man

who's due to become
your 15th President.

- Buchanan?

- Runaway convicts, eh?

Well, we'll throw them in the
brig until we get to St. Joe.

Turn 'em over to the
sheriff there, come on.

- Tim, if my mind
doesn't deceive me,

we're about to be arrested,

in place of the very men
we've been looking for.

Well, just don't stand there
waiting to serve them coffee,

let's go.
- Go?

- Go.
- Go where?

- Over the side!
- But, but --

You know something,
Uncle Martin?

You get us into more hot water
than a flow-through teabag.

- Don't start writing your
memoirs just yet, Tim.

We've still got quite a
few chapters to go yet.

Until we can get to St. Joe

and get Lorelei Glutz's
money back for us,

we can't even begin to
think of our own problems.

- Would you mind telling
me just how you plan

on getting to St. Joe?

Swimming the English
Channel, that's one thing.

But swimming the Missouri
River, lengthwise?

That's something else.

- Tim, I have no intention
of using hands and feet

to propel us to our destination,

when a finger can
do the job for us.

Hmm, now let me see.

That one there, that looks good.

That should do the job.

Timber!

- Shades of Paul Bunyan.

- Don't knock yourself out, Tim.

You're just paddling for show.

(finger making motorboat sounds)

- How do you know that
Lorelei Brown, or Glutz,

or whatever her name
is, is still in St. Joe?

- I doubt she could
be anywhere else

without any money.

Oh, I beg your pardon,
sir, but I was looking

for a young lady,
blonde, five foot four,

quite attractive.

Her name is Glutz,
Lorelei Glutz.

You see anything of her?

(horse grunting)

I don't suppose you have any
idea of where she might be.

(horse grunting)

Where?

(horse whinnying)

A saloon?

Which one?

(horse whinnying)

Oh, Big Jim's Gold Nugget?

Our two friends from the
boat seem to be working

for Big Jim.

(Tim sighs)

- Figure they found
something, look.

So is Lorelei.

- * Oh Susana,
don't you cry for me

* I come from Alabama
with a banjo my knee

* I had a dream the other
night when everything was still

* I dreamed I saw Susana
coming down the hill

* A red, red rose
was in her cheek

* A tear was in her eye

- She's working as
a dance hall girl.

- Obviously trying to
earn passage money west.

- * Oh Susana,
don't you cry for me

* I come from Alabama
with a banjo on my knee

* With a banjo on my knee

* With a banjo on my knee

(applause)

- Looks like reunion night.

- Brennan, he must have
caught the next riverboat.

- That's just great.

We need him around here like
Custer needed more Indians.

- Two redeyes, please.

- Redeyes?

- It's a drink.

Quite strong.

But we'll need it if I'm to
accomplish what I have to.

- What?
- Drink.

(glasses clinking)

- How'd you do that?

- I simply speeded up the
follicle growth process

by stimulating the metabolic
and adrenaline systems.

- You know something,
Uncle Martin?

If you could be bottled,
you'd ruin the toupee industry

in a week.

- Save the pat on
the back for later.

We've still got to get
Lorelei out of here

on the next wagon train.

There won't be another
one leaving for weeks.

- Yup.

- Lorelei, you're a
high quality lady,

and you know, you're
driving me to distraction.

- Oh, I couldn't do
that, Mr. McCloud.

I don't even know my
way around St. Joe.

- Oh, Lorelei, you don't
want to go out west.

Stay here and be my woman.

This is gonna be a
big town someday,

and I'll own it all.

I do most of it now.

- I've got to move faster than
that line he's giving her.

- Just anything
you want, Lorelei.

Just name it and it's yours.

- There's my opening.

Now for a little
subliminal hypnosis.

- An advance on my $4 salary.

I want to play poker.

- Poker?

- Poker?

- Tim, this is no time
to play Little Sir Echo.

What better poetic
justice than for Lorelei

to get her money back
in a crooked card game,

and from the very
men who robbed her?

- Oh.

(sinister instrumental music)

- Wha --

What happened?

- Well, let's just say you
missed by a whisker. (chuckles)

You didn't expect
that brush on your lip

to fool us, did you?

I gotta get back to the game.

Red, fetch the marshal.

- Marshal?

Wait a minute, gentlemen.

Perhaps we can talk
this thing over.

- Sorry pal.

The only thing that
talks is money.

Yeah.

I can hear that $1,000
reward for you two

calling me right now.

- OK, Uncle Martin.

Come on, just wave that
magic finger of yours

and get us out of here.

Come on.

- It's no use, Tim.

They've got my hands
tied in such a way

I can't get my finger free.

- That's just great.

Now what are we going to do?

- Well, let me think.

Hmm.

I wonder if it would work.

- What?

- My nose, I saw it done
on your television once.

Well, it's worth a try.

Aim your ropes at my nose.

- At your nose?

- Yes, aim your
ropes at my nose.

Do it.

- That is one of the wildest
things I've ever seen.

- I'll never knock your earthly
television programs again.

Come on, let's go.

- I'll bet a dollar.

- Tell Red I'll be in my office.

- Uncle Martin, without the
mustaches, we'll be recognized.

- I can't help it.

The follicles can
only be revitalized

once in 24 hours.

We'll just have to chance it.

(clears throat)

(Lorelei gasps)

- Oh, it's you guys.

(dramatic instrumental music)

- Well, I guess we lose.

- On the contrary.

Everybody wins.

- Oh, four aces.

- Wait a minute,
I've got four aces.

- [Gambler] And
I've got four aces!

(coins jingling)

- Hey, if you all had four aces,

who had the next highest card?

- We've been robbed!

We've been robbed!

(crowd clamoring)

- Here's your money, dear lady.

Before anything else
happens to it or to you,

get your wagon and supplies
and sign up with the train.

- Oh, I couldn't take this.

I thought we were
just playing for fun.

- Mrs. Glutz, please,
please, take it.

Take it and remember our
quote I'm about to turn

into a cliche.

Don't look a gift
horse in the mouth.

I'm glad that's off our minds.

- Now all you have
to worry about is me.

- [Narrator] Will Marshal
Brennan get his prisoners

back to the St. Louis jail?

Will Martin allow himself
to be taken prisoner?

Will he and Tim find
the CCTBS in time

to return to the present?

- And will I ever
get to California,

and have a family and
children and grandchildren?

- [Narrator] If you'll
be watching next week

to see what happens to
your favorite Martian.

(cheerful instrumental music)