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1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:03,061
♪ Oh, Mandy
2
00:00:03,061 --> 00:00:07,821
♪ Well, you came and you gave
without taking
3
00:00:07,821 --> 00:00:11,981
♪ But I sent you away
Oh, Mandy
4
00:00:11,981 --> 00:00:17,021
♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
5
00:00:17,021 --> 00:00:21,421
♪ And I need you today
Oh, Mandy. ♪
6
00:00:23,301 --> 00:00:26,941
TRADITIONAL JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYS
7
00:00:38,381 --> 00:00:40,781
MUSIC CHANGES TO
HIGHER TEMPO
8
00:00:56,381 --> 00:00:58,341
Dig in, lads. Don't be shy.
9
00:01:10,221 --> 00:01:12,541
I'm not meant to talk, but, erm...
10
00:01:12,541 --> 00:01:14,621
..it's a bit awkward otherwise,
isn't it?
11
00:01:20,061 --> 00:01:22,941
Bit weird, you know, just lying here
with bits of fish on me,
12
00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:24,701
but it's actually quite relaxing.
13
00:01:26,301 --> 00:01:27,861
Like sushi, do you?
14
00:01:30,021 --> 00:01:31,941
I wouldn't touch it meself.
15
00:01:31,941 --> 00:01:33,661
I've heard it gives you tapeworm.
16
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One man had a 12 foot tapeworm
inside him. Did you read about that?
17
00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:40,541
No.
18
00:01:42,741 --> 00:01:44,661
Fuckin' disgusting.
19
00:01:48,861 --> 00:01:50,981
Don't let me put you off.
20
00:01:59,501 --> 00:02:02,341
You haven't got a ciggy on you,
have ya?
21
00:02:02,341 --> 00:02:03,861
Gasping for a fag.
22
00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:05,461
Me arms are covered in prawns.
23
00:02:11,061 --> 00:02:12,221
Ta.
24
00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:17,781
MAN GASPS
Mandy Cutter!
25
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:19,141
No smoking!
26
00:02:20,221 --> 00:02:21,901
Oh, sorry.
27
00:02:21,901 --> 00:02:24,061
It's a cruel culture, in't it?
28
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,781
You be quiet.
29
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,581
Have you seen their game shows?
30
00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,501
I said be quiet.
31
00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:34,461
God, it's like Bridge Over The
River Kwai all over again, in't it?
32
00:02:34,461 --> 00:02:37,541
MANDY LAUGHS
You are a racist.
33
00:02:37,541 --> 00:02:39,221
And you're a fish pervert.
34
00:02:39,221 --> 00:02:40,981
You are fired!
35
00:02:40,981 --> 00:02:43,101
Get out! All right.
36
00:02:43,101 --> 00:02:45,621
Fine. I'll get me coat.
37
00:02:45,621 --> 00:02:47,581
You owe me for an hour and half.
38
00:02:47,581 --> 00:02:50,821
I will not pay you one penny.
39
00:02:50,821 --> 00:02:52,421
Right.
40
00:02:52,421 --> 00:02:53,541
Taking that, then.
41
00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,381
Excuse me.
42
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,261
I'm sorry. I can't help feeling
a bit bad
43
00:03:02,261 --> 00:03:03,901
about what happened in there.
44
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:06,501
Is there any way I can make it up
to you? Maybe...
45
00:03:06,501 --> 00:03:07,861
..take you out for a drink?
46
00:03:07,861 --> 00:03:09,941
You weren't one of the Bulger boys,
were you?
47
00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:10,981
No.
48
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:12,581
Are you sure?
49
00:03:12,581 --> 00:03:13,621
Yeah.
50
00:03:14,701 --> 00:03:16,381
Yeah, you seem quite normal.
51
00:03:16,381 --> 00:03:18,941
Apart from all that naked
sushi stuff.
52
00:03:18,941 --> 00:03:21,021
Yeah, all right.
Pick me up tomorrow night
53
00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:24,061
from Lola's Nail Bar
on the high street. 6.30.
54
00:03:24,061 --> 00:03:26,341
SHE BANGS GONG
See ya then. OK.
55
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:40,941
Look at this place.
56
00:03:40,941 --> 00:03:43,581
Not a single customer
in two whole days.
57
00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:45,741
Oh, yeah, there's a new place
opened up down the road
58
00:03:45,741 --> 00:03:47,661
that does vaginal steaming.
59
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,021
How do I compete with that?
60
00:03:50,181 --> 00:03:52,141
You could do vaginal steaming.
61
00:03:52,141 --> 00:03:53,261
Eh!
62
00:03:53,261 --> 00:03:56,021
I am not going anywhere near
other ladies' pipes.
63
00:03:57,421 --> 00:03:58,741
Could do fish pedicures.
64
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:01,621
What is fish pedicure?
65
00:04:01,621 --> 00:04:04,221
It's when you get these little fish,
right, and you put your feet
66
00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:07,621
into the tank, and they very gently
nibble all the dead skin off.
67
00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:09,701
Leaves your feet all smooth
and relaxed.
68
00:04:09,701 --> 00:04:11,541
But where do I get
these little fish?
69
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:13,861
Leave it to me.
70
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,621
Is that a gong?
71
00:04:18,621 --> 00:04:19,661
Yeah.
72
00:04:21,621 --> 00:04:24,181
MUSIC: The Carnival Of The Animals -
The Aquarium
73
00:04:40,501 --> 00:04:42,461
All right?
74
00:04:42,461 --> 00:04:44,221
Looking for anything in particular?
75
00:04:45,621 --> 00:04:48,821
Er, actually, have you got any of
those fish that eat human skin?
76
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:51,861
What? You know the fish where,
if you put your feet in the tank,
77
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:53,021
they'd eat the skin off.
78
00:04:53,021 --> 00:04:54,261
Oh, yeah, I know.
79
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,341
We've got a load of those ones
over here.
80
00:04:56,341 --> 00:04:58,461
Not much call for them,
to be honest.
81
00:05:06,901 --> 00:05:11,901
Great. Stick about 50 in a couple of
buckets for me, there's a good lad.
82
00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:14,141
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
83
00:05:14,141 --> 00:05:17,341
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish
84
00:05:20,661 --> 00:05:23,141
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
85
00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:26,261
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish. ♪
86
00:05:27,581 --> 00:05:29,861
They're very relaxing to watch, huh?
87
00:05:29,861 --> 00:05:32,141
I always think fish are
the perfect pet.
88
00:05:32,141 --> 00:05:33,301
You don't have to walk them
89
00:05:33,301 --> 00:05:35,381
and you're not that bothered
when they die. Yeah.
90
00:05:35,381 --> 00:05:37,581
You don't get attached
like you would with a snake.
91
00:05:40,101 --> 00:05:41,781
All right, Mandy?
92
00:05:41,781 --> 00:05:43,301
You ready to go for that drink?
93
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,541
Hey. Come and have a look at this.
What is it?
94
00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:48,501
Fish pedicures. Do you want to
give it a go? Be our first customer?
95
00:05:48,501 --> 00:05:50,741
On the house. Yeah.
96
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,741
On the house? I need the money.
97
00:05:52,741 --> 00:05:54,701
This man knows
all the fish perverts.
98
00:05:54,701 --> 00:05:57,621
It'll be round like wildfire.
You'll be swamped.
99
00:05:57,621 --> 00:05:59,581
I've always wanted to try this.
100
00:05:59,581 --> 00:06:03,421
Yeah, just pop your shoes and socks
off and plunge your feet in.
101
00:06:03,421 --> 00:06:04,501
OK.
102
00:06:04,501 --> 00:06:07,421
My dear, would you like
a relaxing cup of green tea
103
00:06:07,421 --> 00:06:09,821
while you're enjoying
your fish pedicure?
104
00:06:09,821 --> 00:06:11,181
Yes, please. Thank you.
105
00:06:13,621 --> 00:06:16,421
You might experience
a slight tingling sensation,
106
00:06:16,421 --> 00:06:18,581
but that's all perfectly normal.
107
00:06:18,581 --> 00:06:19,621
OK.
108
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:23,181
I can't believe how easy
this thing is. I know.
109
00:06:23,181 --> 00:06:26,141
So, how long do I keep his feet
soaking? Pff.
110
00:06:26,141 --> 00:06:27,541
Ahh.
111
00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:31,661
WATER BUBBLES
112
00:06:37,781 --> 00:06:39,461
Ah-h-h-h!
113
00:06:39,461 --> 00:06:40,701
Ah-h-h!
114
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,101
Oh, my God! What have you done?
115
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:44,861
Jesus Christ! Ah-h-h!
116
00:06:44,861 --> 00:06:47,061
Ah, Jesus Christ!
117
00:06:47,061 --> 00:06:48,541
Call an ambulance!
118
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,541
Don't worry.
I've seen this on a film.
119
00:06:50,541 --> 00:06:52,621
I need to make a tourniquet.
Ah-h-h!
120
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,021
What is a tourniquet?
121
00:06:54,021 --> 00:06:57,021
It's a thing you wrap around
to stop the bleeding!
122
00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:58,181
LOLA HEAVES
123
00:06:58,181 --> 00:07:04,381
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
124
00:07:04,381 --> 00:07:06,981
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish
125
00:07:06,981 --> 00:07:08,781
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. ♪
126
00:07:08,781 --> 00:07:10,021
Hiya.
127
00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:14,461
It's me. Oh, it's you.
128
00:07:14,461 --> 00:07:18,461
The woman who made me stick my foot
in a bucket of piranhas.
129
00:07:18,461 --> 00:07:20,621
I feel responsible.
130
00:07:20,621 --> 00:07:22,421
Got the wrong fish.
131
00:07:22,421 --> 00:07:24,301
You think?
132
00:07:24,301 --> 00:07:26,261
It's meant to be Garra rufa fish.
133
00:07:26,261 --> 00:07:28,461
Well, I know that now, don't I?
Looked it up.
134
00:07:30,461 --> 00:07:32,021
How's your foot?
135
00:07:32,021 --> 00:07:33,221
One toe short.
136
00:07:34,341 --> 00:07:36,461
Actually, it's probably too late,
but...
137
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:39,621
..found this. Is that my toe?
138
00:07:39,621 --> 00:07:42,061
Well, most of it, yeah.
Aren't you lucky.
139
00:07:43,301 --> 00:07:45,301
Why didn't you pack it in ice?
140
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:48,261
I'm in a nail salon,
where am I going to find ice?
141
00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:50,101
But you managed to find a...
142
00:07:50,101 --> 00:07:51,861
..jar of pickles.
143
00:07:51,861 --> 00:07:53,181
Love pickles.
144
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,501
HE SIGHS
145
00:07:55,621 --> 00:07:57,821
I'm really sorry
about what happened,
146
00:07:57,821 --> 00:07:59,461
but I'm going to make it up to you.
147
00:08:01,861 --> 00:08:03,941
Got us two tickets
to the Sea Life Centre.
148
00:08:05,381 --> 00:08:07,461
Really? Oh, yeah.
149
00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:19,461
♪ La mer... ♪
150
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,661
I've had a lovely time
at the Sea Life Centre.
151
00:08:23,661 --> 00:08:26,221
Can't believe they let me touch
a manta ray.
152
00:08:26,221 --> 00:08:30,421
Did you know the manta ray has
the largest brain-to-body ratio
153
00:08:30,421 --> 00:08:32,261
of any fish?
154
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,021
Mm.
155
00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:35,341
What's a ratio?
156
00:08:37,901 --> 00:08:39,981
You like your fish, don't ya?
157
00:08:39,981 --> 00:08:41,221
Like 'em?
158
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,581
They're like family to me.
159
00:08:43,621 --> 00:08:45,221
They don't judge me.
160
00:08:45,221 --> 00:08:48,781
They know all my faults
but they still love me.
161
00:08:48,781 --> 00:08:50,461
Bloody hell, that's tragic.
162
00:08:51,581 --> 00:08:53,821
Actually, excuse me a minute,
Mandy, I...
163
00:08:53,821 --> 00:08:55,301
Call of nature.
164
00:08:56,981 --> 00:08:59,701
HE GROANS
165
00:08:59,701 --> 00:09:00,861
Thanks.
166
00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:12,941
♪ La mer
167
00:09:12,941 --> 00:09:19,301
♪ A berce mon coeur pour la vie
168
00:09:19,301 --> 00:09:23,101
♪ La mer
169
00:09:23,101 --> 00:09:25,741
♪ Qu'on voit danser
170
00:09:25,741 --> 00:09:28,581
♪ Le long des golfes clairs
171
00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:33,301
♪ A des reflets d'argent
172
00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:34,941
♪ La mer
173
00:09:35,981 --> 00:09:38,221
♪ Des reflets changeant
174
00:09:38,221 --> 00:09:41,101
♪ Sous la pluie
175
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,221
♪ La mer
176
00:09:45,461 --> 00:09:46,661
♪ Au ciel d'ete... ♪
177
00:09:46,661 --> 00:09:49,341
You going to be much longer?
I'm burstin' 'ere.
178
00:09:49,341 --> 00:09:51,141
♪ Ses blancs moutons
179
00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:55,581
♪ Avec les anges si purs
180
00:09:55,581 --> 00:09:58,061
♪ La mer
181
00:09:58,061 --> 00:10:03,621
♪ Bergere d'azur infinie
182
00:10:04,861 --> 00:10:07,701
♪ Voyez
Voyez
183
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:10,581
♪ Pres des etangs
Pres des etangs
184
00:10:10,581 --> 00:10:15,541
♪ Ces grands roseaux mouilles
Voyez ces roseaux
185
00:10:15,541 --> 00:10:18,501
♪ Voyez
Voyez
186
00:10:18,501 --> 00:10:21,381
♪ Ces oiseaux blancs
Ces oiseaux blancs
187
00:10:21,381 --> 00:10:25,821
♪ Et ces maisons rouilles
La-la-la-la-la
188
00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:29,381
♪ La mer
189
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:31,901
♪ Les a berces
190
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:36,141
♪ Le long des golfes clairs... ♪
191
00:10:36,141 --> 00:10:39,341
SHE UNZIPS TROUSERS
♪ Et d'une chanson d'amour
192
00:10:39,341 --> 00:10:43,581
♪ La mer
193
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:54,501
♪ A berce mon coeur pour la vie! ♪
194
00:10:54,501 --> 00:10:55,941
Oh, thank Christ.
195
00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:01,061
TOILET FLUSHES
196
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,621
SHE PULLS ZIP UP
197
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:03,901
DOOR CLOSES
198
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,101
FOOTSTEPS
199
00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:16,061
Sorry about that. All right.
200
00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:19,781
HE SIGHS
201
00:11:19,781 --> 00:11:20,981
That's better.
202
00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:24,901
Mandy.
203
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,301
It's been a difficult year for me.
204
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:29,181
First my wife divorced me
and then...
205
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:32,821
..my toe got eaten off by a piranha.
206
00:11:32,821 --> 00:11:35,221
Fuckin' hell. But I feel like...
207
00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:38,101
..I've met a kindred spirit.
208
00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:40,701
Someone I can really talk to.
209
00:11:41,741 --> 00:11:45,181
It feels like
you understand me, Mandy.
210
00:11:45,181 --> 00:11:46,421
I may have lost a toe...
211
00:11:47,901 --> 00:11:49,621
..but have I gained a soulmate?
212
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:52,181
Jeff, I should say...
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
213
00:11:56,981 --> 00:11:58,461
Hm.
214
00:12:00,141 --> 00:12:01,941
Mm.
215
00:12:01,941 --> 00:12:05,141
I should have kept this
in the fridge longer.
216
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,941
Mm. Interesting, though, isn't it?
217
00:12:07,941 --> 00:12:09,101
Biscuity.
218
00:12:10,741 --> 00:12:12,861
Actually, it's all right, in't it?
219
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,621
I'd get it again. Mm.
220
00:12:16,941 --> 00:12:18,061
Mm.
221
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,781
What?
222
00:12:23,941 --> 00:12:24,981
What's going on?
223
00:12:26,301 --> 00:12:27,421
What's happening?
224
00:12:28,701 --> 00:12:30,061
Here, have some more wine.
225
00:12:31,101 --> 00:12:32,581
My fish. They're dying!
226
00:12:32,581 --> 00:12:34,341
They're not.
They're just having a nap.
227
00:12:34,341 --> 00:12:36,101
They're dying. What have you done?
228
00:12:36,101 --> 00:12:37,821
Why are they dying?
229
00:12:37,821 --> 00:12:40,301
Old age? All at once?
230
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,381
Well, maybe one died of old age
and the others have heartbreak.
231
00:12:44,741 --> 00:12:47,301
Get out of my flat, you witch!
232
00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:49,461
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish
233
00:12:49,461 --> 00:12:52,421
♪ Fish, fish, fish, fish
Eating fish. ♪
234
00:12:52,421 --> 00:12:54,781
How was your date? I've had worse.
235
00:12:54,781 --> 00:12:56,341
He wasn't right for me.
236
00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:57,781
Plenty more fish in the sea.
237
00:12:57,781 --> 00:12:59,381
MANDY LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY
238
00:12:59,381 --> 00:13:00,461
Very funny.
239
00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:10,541
You!
240
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,901
Mandy Cutter! Fuckin' hell.
Brace yourself.
241
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:15,261
You have my gong.
242
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:16,661
Without this gong,
243
00:13:16,661 --> 00:13:20,621
we have been unable to serve sushi
for three days.
244
00:13:20,621 --> 00:13:21,981
That's a bit over the top.
245
00:13:21,981 --> 00:13:24,461
Give me back my gong.
246
00:13:24,461 --> 00:13:27,101
Finders keepers, losers weepers.
247
00:13:27,101 --> 00:13:29,261
You are so childish.
248
00:13:29,261 --> 00:13:30,821
Mandy, please.
249
00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:32,901
Sir, welcome to my shop.
250
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:34,341
Take back your gong.
251
00:13:34,341 --> 00:13:35,581
I will.
252
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:38,501
But I'm still very unhappy.
253
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:41,661
Because losing the gong brings
great dishonour upon ancestors?
254
00:13:41,661 --> 00:13:48,221
No. Because gongs are expensive
and hard to get hold of.
255
00:13:48,221 --> 00:13:52,021
You think you can just
go into Tesco Metro and buy a gong?
256
00:13:52,021 --> 00:13:53,061
HE SCOFFS
257
00:13:53,061 --> 00:13:54,221
Think again.
258
00:13:54,221 --> 00:13:56,741
Oh, look. I wasn't thinking straight
and I took your gong.
259
00:13:56,741 --> 00:13:58,021
I'm sorry.
260
00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,781
How 'bout a free treatment
on the house?
261
00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:02,181
We do fish pedicures.
262
00:14:02,181 --> 00:14:04,221
Fish pedicure?
263
00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:06,101
Well, I suppose so.
264
00:14:06,101 --> 00:14:07,221
Great.
265
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,221
Lola.
266
00:14:09,221 --> 00:14:10,621
Get the buckets.
267
00:14:10,621 --> 00:14:14,101
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
268
00:14:14,101 --> 00:14:17,301
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
269
00:14:18,421 --> 00:14:21,981
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
270
00:14:21,981 --> 00:14:25,021
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
271
00:14:26,101 --> 00:14:29,901
♪ Mr, can you tell me
where my love has gone?
272
00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:33,901
♪ He's a Japanese boy. ♪
18487
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