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♪ Oh, Mandy
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00:00:03,901 --> 00:00:07,541
♪ Well, you came and you gave
without taking
3
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,781
♪ But I sent you away
4
00:00:09,781 --> 00:00:11,661
♪ Oh, Mandy
5
00:00:11,661 --> 00:00:16,781
♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
6
00:00:16,781 --> 00:00:19,101
♪ And I need you today
7
00:00:19,101 --> 00:00:21,661
♪ Oh, Mandy. ♪
8
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This programme contains
some strong language
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HEADPHONES: Don't Tell My Heart
by The Marcy Brothers
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SHE PANTS
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What are you reading?
Guinness Book Of Records.
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00:00:50,141 --> 00:00:54,821
Ah, 400 pages of the greatest people
to ever walk God's green earth.
13
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What do you think, Mandy, could
we make it into its hallowed pages?
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00:00:58,581 --> 00:01:02,581
Oh, Lol, it's not the likes of us.
I mean, look at this.
15
00:01:02,581 --> 00:01:05,861
Ayanna Williams,
longest fingernail.
16
00:01:05,861 --> 00:01:08,821
Brian Scriven grew big pumpkin.
17
00:01:08,821 --> 00:01:11,861
Michael Lotito ate a plane.
18
00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:14,821
I mean, these people are gods,
Olympians,
19
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done something with their lives.
20
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There must be something.
21
00:01:19,661 --> 00:01:21,661
Fired most times in one day?
22
00:01:21,661 --> 00:01:25,021
No, there's a woman
in Peterborough, I checked.
23
00:01:25,021 --> 00:01:27,701
No, Lol, I'm not a record-breaker.
24
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:29,981
I am a line dancer, though,
25
00:01:29,981 --> 00:01:33,181
and I'm going to win the local
line dance endurance competition.
26
00:01:33,181 --> 00:01:35,181
Have you been practising?
Practising?!
27
00:01:35,181 --> 00:01:37,701
I've done 22 hours straight through.
28
00:01:37,701 --> 00:01:41,101
That is amazing, but what if
you want to go to the toilet?
29
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,981
I've got a secret.
30
00:01:42,981 --> 00:01:44,421
Adult nappies.
31
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:47,221
Mandy Carter, I think
you might be a genius.
32
00:01:47,221 --> 00:01:49,221
I might start wearing them
day to day, actually,
33
00:01:49,221 --> 00:01:50,701
you save so much time.
34
00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:52,821
But what about food?
Are you allowed to eat?
35
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,781
You're allowed to have someone throw
you a bottle of pop or a mini roll
36
00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:57,661
while you're dancing
but other than that,
37
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you're not allowed to stop,
even for, like, two seconds.
38
00:02:00,341 --> 00:02:03,461
It sounds like an incredible test
of human endurance.
39
00:02:03,461 --> 00:02:06,061
Have you done this
kind of competition before?
40
00:02:06,061 --> 00:02:09,621
Actually, I went on Touch The Truck
once with my mate Susan Blower.
41
00:02:09,621 --> 00:02:11,101
What is Touch The Truck?
42
00:02:12,261 --> 00:02:15,941
Touch The Truck was a TV show
where you have to touch the truck.
43
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The person who touches the truck
longest win the truck.
44
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Out!
45
00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,101
It sounds complicated.
46
00:02:26,141 --> 00:02:29,861
I'll never forget the day -
15th of March 2001...
47
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Looks like it's just you and me,
Sues. Yeah.
48
00:02:34,901 --> 00:02:38,261
You know, Mandy, whatever happens,
we're still friends.
49
00:02:40,021 --> 00:02:42,301
Do you mean that? Course I do.
50
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This is just a game.
51
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Friendship's too important.
52
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Argh!
53
00:02:52,141 --> 00:02:53,581
Oh, my God!
54
00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:55,461
Oh, my God, what's wrong?
55
00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:57,501
I think I'm having a heart attack.
56
00:02:57,501 --> 00:02:59,141
Medic!
57
00:02:59,141 --> 00:03:01,981
Mandy, please, please help me.
58
00:03:01,981 --> 00:03:04,341
It's so dark.
Oh, it's going so dark.
59
00:03:04,341 --> 00:03:05,981
Oh, my God! So dark...
60
00:03:05,981 --> 00:03:07,381
So cold.
61
00:03:07,381 --> 00:03:10,181
Susan, stay with me!
62
00:03:10,181 --> 00:03:12,581
I'm all right now, Mandy.
I'm all right.
63
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You fucking div!
64
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WHISTLE
Out!
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00:03:26,421 --> 00:03:29,141
You'll never amount to anything,
Mandy Carter.
66
00:03:29,141 --> 00:03:31,221
Ha-ha-ha!
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00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,781
Never amount to anything.
Mandy, don't say that.
68
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,621
Some people just aren't meant to
amount to anything.
69
00:03:39,621 --> 00:03:41,781
What if everyone amounted to
something,
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00:03:41,781 --> 00:03:44,021
then amounting to something
wouldn't be special.
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00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:46,981
Your constant failure
allows other people to shine.
72
00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:51,581
That's very sweet of you, Lol,
but...
73
00:03:51,581 --> 00:03:53,821
..I'm going to
prove Susan Blower wrong.
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00:03:53,821 --> 00:03:56,381
I'm going to amount to something.
75
00:03:56,381 --> 00:04:00,421
I'm going to win the local
line dance endurance competition.
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00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:04,421
MUSIC: Achy Breaky Heart
by Billy Ray Cyrus
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DOORBELL
78
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DOORBELL
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00:04:13,741 --> 00:04:15,141
Who the bloody hell's that?
80
00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:21,461
Susan Blower, as I live and breathe.
81
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,021
Hiya, Mandy.
What are you doing back?
82
00:04:24,021 --> 00:04:27,261
You're not going to do the local
line dance endurance competition,
are you?
83
00:04:27,261 --> 00:04:28,701
What? No.
84
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,701
You ruined my life
after Touch The Truck.
85
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:34,021
Look, I've come to apologise.
86
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You'd better come in.
87
00:04:39,221 --> 00:04:41,941
I'm a bit down on my luck, actually.
88
00:04:41,941 --> 00:04:43,781
I've got nowhere to stay.
89
00:04:45,221 --> 00:04:48,381
I heard you'd gone to the
Peak District to start a new life.
90
00:04:48,381 --> 00:04:51,461
I heard you got a hot tub. I did.
91
00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,661
It's all gone to shit now, though.
92
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,021
I don't want to talk about it.
93
00:04:57,021 --> 00:05:00,581
Please, I wouldn't ask
if I weren't desperate.
94
00:05:00,581 --> 00:05:02,581
It's just for a few nights.
95
00:05:02,581 --> 00:05:04,021
Why don't you stay in your truck,
96
00:05:04,021 --> 00:05:05,621
the truck you won
on Touch The Truck?
97
00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,141
It's gone.
98
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,781
It's all gone.
99
00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:13,741
I want to make it up to you.
I'm not sure, Susan.
100
00:05:13,741 --> 00:05:17,661
Come on, Mandy!
It'll be like old times.
101
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:23,461
PHONE VIBRATES
102
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:30,421
Hello? Hiya, Lola, can you
book me in for a clip and a buff
103
00:05:30,421 --> 00:05:32,341
on Thursday at two o'clock?
104
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:35,341
Of course, darling. Hey,
you'll never guess who's back. Who?
105
00:05:35,341 --> 00:05:36,781
Susan Blower.
106
00:05:36,781 --> 00:05:39,621
The same Susan Blower you were
only talking about yesterday?
107
00:05:39,621 --> 00:05:40,661
That's weird.
108
00:05:40,661 --> 00:05:43,421
She apologised for being
such a knobhead on Touch The Truck.
109
00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:45,261
I've let her stay
in my small back bedroom
110
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while she's getting back
on her feet.
111
00:05:46,861 --> 00:05:48,541
That's very generous of you, Mandy.
112
00:05:48,541 --> 00:05:50,981
Well, everyone deserves
a second chance
113
00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:53,421
and I honestly think
she's changed this time.
114
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:02,661
Hiya. Hiya.
115
00:06:04,101 --> 00:06:06,061
Is that my top?
116
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:07,981
And my boots?
117
00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,501
Yeah, you don't mind, do you?
All my stuff's in the wash.
118
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:11,901
No.
119
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:13,541
No, that's fine.
120
00:06:17,781 --> 00:06:20,181
Have you seen my Dairylea Dunkers?
121
00:06:21,701 --> 00:06:22,901
No.
122
00:06:24,861 --> 00:06:29,421
There were three packets in here.
No. Maybe you imagined them.
123
00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:32,821
Is that Dairylea Dunker
on your face? No.
124
00:06:32,821 --> 00:06:34,661
Looks like Dairylea Dunker.
125
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,781
It's moisturiser.
126
00:06:39,781 --> 00:06:41,381
You all right, Mandy?
127
00:06:42,421 --> 00:06:44,501
Maybe you're training too hard,
128
00:06:44,501 --> 00:06:47,221
maybe this dancing competition is
getting to you,
129
00:06:47,221 --> 00:06:48,901
perhaps you should sit this one out.
130
00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:51,661
What do you mean?
Well, it's not worth it, is it?
131
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,221
It's a silly little
dancing competition.
132
00:06:54,221 --> 00:06:57,061
What's more important is
your mental health.
133
00:06:57,061 --> 00:06:59,701
♪ This town ain't big enough
for the both of us
134
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,261
♪ And it ain't me
who's gonna leave. ♪
135
00:07:06,221 --> 00:07:09,861
I had to come here.
I don't know what's real any more.
136
00:07:09,861 --> 00:07:12,581
I keep thinking about
Dairylea Dunkers.
137
00:07:12,581 --> 00:07:15,741
Did she eat them?
Do Dairylea Dunkers exist even?
138
00:07:15,741 --> 00:07:19,021
I mean, a tiny pot of cheese next to
a larger pot with breadsticks in it,
139
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,941
when you say it out loud,
it sounds mental.
140
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,101
Susan has been such a great friend
to you, Mandy.
141
00:07:23,101 --> 00:07:25,381
I feel like
she's stealing my identity.
142
00:07:25,381 --> 00:07:28,781
Maybe she's doing that thing that
people do these days. What thing?
143
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:32,221
Gas-lamping. You mean tea-lighting?
I don't know, something like that.
144
00:07:32,221 --> 00:07:34,141
People do it on Twitter
all the time.
145
00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:37,381
Mandy, darling, you sound paranoid.
146
00:07:37,381 --> 00:07:40,901
Maybe Susan is right, maybe
the training is getting to you.
147
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,581
Hang on, I never told you that.
148
00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:46,101
How do? What are you doing here?
149
00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:48,141
Said I'd show Lola my ceramic frogs.
150
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:51,021
Is that a euphemism? Hey?
151
00:07:51,021 --> 00:07:52,501
No!
152
00:07:57,781 --> 00:08:00,061
What have you done to your hair?
Oh.
153
00:08:00,061 --> 00:08:01,981
Just thought I'd try
something different.
154
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:06,381
This is exactly like Face/Off,
except we haven't swapped faces.
155
00:08:06,381 --> 00:08:08,461
Hang on, what nail colour is that?
156
00:08:08,461 --> 00:08:11,901
This? This is minty pig. Minty pig!
157
00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:14,701
She picked it out on
the colour wheel, what could I do?
158
00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:16,221
Should have seen this coming.
159
00:08:16,221 --> 00:08:17,821
Fool me once, shame on you,
160
00:08:17,821 --> 00:08:20,021
fool me twice, that's...
161
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,581
..not on.
SUSAN CHUCKLES
162
00:08:21,581 --> 00:08:25,261
No, no. Don't get upset over
a bit of friendly competition.
163
00:08:25,261 --> 00:08:27,061
Talking of which...
164
00:08:27,061 --> 00:08:30,741
..I'm thinking of entering that line
dancing endurance contest after all.
165
00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,541
Right, we're out of the bog roll.
166
00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:34,381
If you want, pick some up
on the way home.
167
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,061
I've got to go now cos
I'm bidding on a new frog on eBay
168
00:08:38,061 --> 00:08:40,661
and there's 35 other bidders.
169
00:08:40,661 --> 00:08:42,461
Bye, Lola.
170
00:08:42,461 --> 00:08:45,061
See you later, dickhead!
171
00:08:45,061 --> 00:08:48,701
Mandy, I'm so... You're dead to me!
172
00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:50,781
I feel bad about minty pig.
173
00:08:52,341 --> 00:08:55,421
Look, I'm going to
show you something now, Mandy,
174
00:08:55,421 --> 00:08:58,901
something I have never shown
anyone else before.
175
00:08:58,901 --> 00:09:02,221
Oh, my God, what is it?
Something I think will help you win.
176
00:09:02,221 --> 00:09:04,901
DRUMS BEAT
177
00:09:11,101 --> 00:09:13,501
It's my lucky voodoo head.
178
00:09:13,501 --> 00:09:15,941
Has it been in your family
for generations?
179
00:09:15,941 --> 00:09:19,461
No, I got it off Exchange & Mart
two days ago.
180
00:09:19,461 --> 00:09:22,861
What am I supposed to do with it?
Hang on, it came with instructions.
181
00:09:25,821 --> 00:09:29,341
Step one, gaze into the eyes
of the voodoo head.
182
00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:36,221
Oh, I'm scared, Lola.
What if we unleash something.
183
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:38,741
Step two, name your foe.
184
00:09:39,981 --> 00:09:42,461
Susan bloody Blower.
185
00:09:42,461 --> 00:09:45,381
Step three,
tell the head what you want
186
00:09:45,381 --> 00:09:47,301
and you must be specific.
187
00:09:49,981 --> 00:09:52,021
I want to be the last one standing
188
00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:54,661
at the local line dance
endurance competition.
189
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,781
DRUMMING INTENSIFIES
190
00:10:01,941 --> 00:10:06,421
SCREECHING AND GROWLING
191
00:10:06,421 --> 00:10:08,101
Nothing's happening.
192
00:10:10,061 --> 00:10:12,261
So much for the dark arts.
193
00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:15,021
No, the only way I'm going to win
this competition, Lola,
194
00:10:15,021 --> 00:10:17,261
is through hard work
and determination,
195
00:10:17,261 --> 00:10:19,381
and a shit-ton of mini rolls.
196
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:30,901
You got the mini rolls?
197
00:10:30,901 --> 00:10:32,181
Right here. Great.
198
00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:34,981
Let's do this. Ladies and gentlemen,
will the remaining dancers
199
00:10:34,981 --> 00:10:36,541
please make their way downstairs?
200
00:10:36,541 --> 00:10:38,421
We are about to begin.
201
00:10:38,421 --> 00:10:42,861
The prize will go to
the last line dancer standing.
202
00:10:42,861 --> 00:10:46,461
And remember you must keep
your thumbs in your belt hoops
203
00:10:46,461 --> 00:10:48,381
at all times,
204
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,581
otherwise, you are disqualified.
205
00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:55,501
OK, good luck, everyone.
Positions, please.
206
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,661
And here we go.
207
00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:00,221
HORN BLARES
208
00:11:00,221 --> 00:11:02,421
MUSIC: Achy Breaky Heart
by Billy Ray Cyrus
209
00:11:07,581 --> 00:11:11,421
♪ You can tell the world
you never was my girl
210
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:15,381
♪ You can burn my clothes up
when I'm gone
211
00:11:15,381 --> 00:11:19,141
♪ Oh, you can tell your friends
just what a fool I've been
212
00:11:19,141 --> 00:11:22,021
♪ And laugh and joke about me
on the phone
213
00:11:23,301 --> 00:11:27,221
♪ You can tell my arms
go back to the farm
214
00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:30,821
♪ You can tell my feet
to hit the floor
215
00:11:30,821 --> 00:11:32,421
♪ Or you can tell my lips... ♪
216
00:11:32,421 --> 00:11:34,021
Lola, water!
217
00:11:38,341 --> 00:11:40,061
Ooh!
218
00:11:40,061 --> 00:11:42,941
You're disqualified, off you go.
219
00:11:42,941 --> 00:11:44,501
Off you go.
220
00:11:46,141 --> 00:11:49,461
♪ And if you tell my heart
My achy breaky heart... ♪
221
00:11:49,461 --> 00:11:52,501
MUSIC FADES OUT
222
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,861
MUSIC: Man! I Feel Like A Woman!
by Shania Twain
223
00:11:58,381 --> 00:12:02,501
Disqualified. Go on, off you go.
224
00:12:04,541 --> 00:12:07,701
MUSIC FADES
225
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:09,181
MUSIC: Good Time
by Alan Jackson
226
00:12:09,181 --> 00:12:10,981
Out.
227
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:13,661
You're disqualified, off you go.
228
00:12:13,661 --> 00:12:15,861
So are you, love, disqualified.
229
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,501
I don't care, belt loops, go.
230
00:12:17,501 --> 00:12:18,901
MUSIC FADES
231
00:12:18,901 --> 00:12:21,061
MUSIC: Potential New Boyfriend
by Dolly Parton
232
00:12:21,061 --> 00:12:24,381
♪ Better keep your hands off my
233
00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:28,461
♪ Better keep your hands off
my potential new boyfriend
234
00:12:28,461 --> 00:12:30,541
♪ Building up an appetite
235
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,341
♪ You can look
but you can't buy... ♪
236
00:12:32,341 --> 00:12:34,461
There you go. Disqualified.
237
00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:36,501
Ah, yes, you're disqualified.
238
00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:39,541
MUSIC: Boot Scootin' Boogie
by Brooks & Dunn
239
00:12:46,301 --> 00:12:48,661
What's happened here?
Right disqualified.
240
00:12:49,821 --> 00:12:52,061
You're disqualified too. Hello?
241
00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:54,821
Off you go.
242
00:13:00,021 --> 00:13:02,421
I told you
you'd never amount to anything.
243
00:13:04,541 --> 00:13:09,301
♪ Yeah, Cadillac, blackjack,
baby, meet me out back... ♪
244
00:13:09,301 --> 00:13:11,061
Come on, Mandy.
245
00:13:11,061 --> 00:13:14,301
Mini roll! Mini roll!
246
00:13:14,301 --> 00:13:16,941
♪ I just don't think he'd understand
247
00:13:16,941 --> 00:13:18,701
♪ And if you tell my heart
248
00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:20,781
♪ My achy breaky heart
249
00:13:20,781 --> 00:13:23,261
♪ He might blow up
and kill this man... ♪
250
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,181
DISCORDANT CLANG
251
00:13:38,101 --> 00:13:40,421
SHOCKED GASPS
252
00:13:43,181 --> 00:13:47,301
Have I won? Have I won?
I've won, haven't I?
253
00:13:47,301 --> 00:13:50,261
Mandy Carter is
the last contestant standing.
254
00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:54,261
In your face, Susan Blower!
In your face!
255
00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:57,541
But as you've just taken your thumbs
out of your belt loops,
256
00:13:57,541 --> 00:14:00,661
you are automatically disqualified,
therefore,
257
00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:05,661
Susan Blower wins the award,
God rest her soul.
258
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:09,061
Mini rolls!
259
00:14:14,141 --> 00:14:16,061
DRUMS BEAT
260
00:14:20,301 --> 00:14:23,381
We need to get rid of this head
before it consumes us all.
261
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,141
Gone.
MAN GRUNTS
262
00:14:30,141 --> 00:14:33,061
It's over now.
It cannot hurt anyone any more.
263
00:14:36,061 --> 00:14:39,181
DOG WHINES
19806
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