Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,160
♪ Oh, Mandy
2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:07,120
♪ Well, you came and you gave
without taking
3
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:11,520
♪ But I sent you away
Oh, Mandy
4
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:16,520
♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
5
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,320
♪ And I need you today
6
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,480
♪ Oh, Mandy. ♪
7
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:28,920
This programme contains some
strong language and adult humour
8
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,000
Hiya.
9
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,400
Is it Sergei?
10
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,560
RUSSIAN ACCENT: Yes. You do Airbnb?
11
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:43,160
Come in.
12
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,360
Never done it before.
13
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,160
A bit strapped for cash.
14
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,560
This is the living room.
15
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,320
Is that a blow-up chair? Yeah.
16
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,720
It deflates after a couple of hours,
but...
17
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,440
AIR ESCAPING FROM CHAIR
18
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,880
It's a bit of fun, isn't it? Yes.
19
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,240
Show you the lav.
20
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:20,960
This is the lav.
21
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,400
This will be your room.
22
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,360
It does not look like photo
on Airbnb.
23
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,080
I put a filter on it.
24
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,920
Never mind, I will take room.
It is very convenient.
25
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,800
Right. Do you want me
to get your bags?
26
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,200
No!
27
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,720
Do not touch bags.
28
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,320
In fact, better you do not touch
any of my things while I'm here.
29
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:53,600
Suit yourself.
30
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,640
So, are you here
on your holidays, then?
31
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,840
Er, yes. Holidays.
32
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,200
I could show you around,
if you like.
33
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,720
Whereabouts did you want to go?
34
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,200
Salisbury.
35
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,480
Did you know clock tower
is over 200 years old?
36
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,880
No, I didn't know that, no.
37
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,480
I would also like to visit GCHQ.
Ooh!
38
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,400
Never been to GCHQ.
39
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:16,960
I've heard it's lovely.
40
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:21,640
Can I come with you?
41
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,320
I've got a two-for-one railcard.
42
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,400
UPTEMPO MUSIC
43
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,480
RADIO: Police are investigating
a series of suspicious deaths
44
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,160
in London yesterday with bodies...
45
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,480
TURNS OFF
46
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,360
Sergei.
47
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,880
Sergei?
48
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,880
I've got something
I'd like to say to you.
49
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,800
Yes, please. There is something
I'd like to say to you also.
50
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,480
You go first. No, you go first!
51
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,360
After three,
we'll both say it together.
52
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,880
One, two, three.
53
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,240
I think I'm in love with you.
I wish to marry you.
54
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:20,520
Oh, Sergei!
Let's not rush into things.
55
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,800
Let's just get to know each other
first. Yes, please.
56
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:28,320
I long to know everything about you
and your decadent culture.
57
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,760
Well, my favourite programme's
Bargain Hunters.
58
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,120
I do not know this programme.
You don't know Bargain Hunters?!
59
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:38,200
It's only what Raiders Of The
Lost Ark could've been.
60
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,640
Well, tell me about you, Sergei.
What you like, what you dislike.
61
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,040
I like strong leaders
62
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,440
and the resurgence of Russia
on the world stage.
63
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:52,000
I dislike liberalism, R&B and eggs.
64
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,040
Eggs?
65
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,000
Well, these were a waste of time.
66
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,920
Oh, Mandy. I love you. Marry me.
67
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,080
Oh, Sergei!
68
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,360
I like you. You're dead fit
and you've got a lovely tracksuit,
69
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,960
but it will never work out.
70
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,240
We're from different worlds,
you and I.
71
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,160
Please, Mandy. I love you.
72
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,760
I know you so well.
73
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,880
I know your favourite programme
is Bargain Hunters.
74
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,280
Your favourite cigarette, Silk Cut.
75
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:22,480
Your favourite fingernail colour,
minty pig.
76
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,000
You believe in UFOs,
77
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,520
and one day you aspire
to breed Doberman Pinschers.
78
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,560
Oh, Sergei,
79
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,680
you do know the real me!
80
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,560
Oh! I've had a lovely time
these last few days.
81
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,920
Go on. I will. I will marry you.
82
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,960
Say something in your own language.
83
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,800
I won't understand, but I'd just
like to hear it.
84
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,520
IN RUSSIAN:
85
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,680
Such a beautiful language.
86
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,440
Are you sure you're doing the right
thing, marrying this man?
87
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,000
You've only just met him!
I'm telling you, Lola,
88
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,240
he's the one for me.
89
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,560
He knows me so well. It's like he's
read a file on me or something!
90
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,520
Look at that dress. It's perfect.
91
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,000
It's beautiful.
92
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,720
But a dress like this will cost
hundreds of pounds.
93
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,480
Can you lend me the money?
94
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,800
I'll give it you back.
95
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,600
I'll just leave the tag in
and take it back after the wedding.
96
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,640
It's beautiful!
97
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,280
You look like the
Duchess of Fergie, in her prime.
98
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,400
I want the wedding to be artistic
but accessible.
99
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,440
You know,
like a Cadbury's Flake advert.
100
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,880
I didn't know you had a tattoo.
Oh, yeah.
101
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,400
That's Shaun Ryder
from Happy Mondays.
102
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,600
Yeah, it is.
103
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,680
It says, "I am married to
Shaun Ryder."
104
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,880
Yeah, I am.
105
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,040
A tattoo that says,
"I am married to Shaun Ryder"
106
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,480
could be a problem
when you marry Sergei.
107
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,400
This is my big special day, Lola.
I want this dress!
108
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,360
Why did you never tell me
you were married to Shaun Ryder?
109
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,840
It were 1998.
110
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,800
MUSIC: Step On
by Happy Mondays
111
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,640
♪ You're twisting my melon, man... ♪
112
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,400
Chinese Airlines flight 676
had crashed,
113
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,280
killing all 342 people onboard.
114
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,920
Pete Sampras had just won
the tennis.
115
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,000
COMMENTATOR: Pete's done it!
Pete Sampras has done it. He's won the tennis.
116
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,800
And Black Grape
were just coming to an end.
117
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,600
There were three of us in this
marriage, so it were a bit crowded.
118
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:10,160
So, one night, I snuck into his
hotel room, found him in bed.
119
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,240
Threw back the sheets.
120
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,000
I knew Bez had been there.
121
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,760
I'd simply had enough.
122
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,760
He loved that man more than
he loved me, so I walked away.
123
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,880
But he never got over me.
124
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,680
How could he, once he'd had
a slice of this cake?
125
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,080
Anyway, I can't afford this laser
tattoo removal.
126
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,840
Oh, your story has touched my heart.
127
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:35,400
I will do it for you.
128
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,360
Oh, will you, Lola?
That's so kind of you. For £30.
129
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,360
I don't have one of these
laser tings, unfortunately.
130
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,280
It's OK, I will use this instead.
131
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,880
Will it hurt? I don't think so.
132
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,160
But you may need
to bite down on this.
133
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,760
Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready.
134
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,600
May the Lord guide my hand.
135
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,600
MUFFLED SCREAMING
136
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,600
Jesus Christ!
137
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,760
INDISTINCT
138
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,160
What did you say, darling?
139
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,920
INDISTINCT
140
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,160
I said it smells like pork.
141
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,560
Thanks again, Lola.
142
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,880
How does it look?
143
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,440
I'll get you some Germolene.
144
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,760
MUSIC: Suddenly
by Angry Anderson
145
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:04,040
♪ I only dreamed that I would find
146
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,680
♪ A loving heart, an open mind
147
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,760
♪ To see the real me
148
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:21,280
♪ And I hoped that you would be
the one
149
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,400
♪ A chance to talk, a chance to grow
150
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:40,320
♪ I'll take the risk,
let my feelings flow
151
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:46,720
♪ I've found the words
I need to say... ♪
152
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:53,520
If any person present knows
any lawful impediment
153
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,880
to this marriage,
he or she should declare it now.
154
00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,440
Stop!
155
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,560
In the name of the Father and
the Holy Ghost, stop the wedding!
156
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,240
Oh, fuckin' hell, Shaun.
Who is this man?
157
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,600
Shaun Ryder from Happy Mondays
and Celebrity Gogglebox.
158
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,800
We're still married! Prove it.
159
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,680
You want proof? Here's proof.
160
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,080
Show 'em your back, Mandy,
161
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,440
the matching tattoo you had
done of me. Show 'em.
162
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,880
GASPING
Oh, God!
163
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,720
Can we please get on with wedding?
164
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,280
If any person present...
165
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,520
DOOR OPENS
166
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,360
Armed police! Armed police!
Sergei Molotov, get down!
167
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,400
Get down on the ground!
168
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,840
Drop it, or I'll shoot!
169
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,080
Ha! You won't shoot me.
170
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,040
You English with your rules,
171
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,840
with your Oxford-Cambridge,
and your boat race,
172
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,440
and your PG Tips
and your Fry and Laurie.
173
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,040
I'm Shaun Ryder.
174
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,880
So long as there's breath in my
body, evil will not prevail.
175
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,920
Let's wrap this up.
176
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,320
I have a civil partnership at 4:45.
177
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,160
Civil partnership?!
178
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,760
Oh, how liberal!
179
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,440
I've got a clear shot.
180
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,800
I'm taking the shot.
181
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,240
INAUDIBLE
182
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,080
Oh, my God, this is terrible!
183
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,480
I'm never going to get my money
back on the dress now.
184
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,760
For God's sake, call an ambulance!
185
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,240
And the dry cleaners!
186
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:20,160
Your back scab was thick enough
to stop the bullet?
187
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,800
It's my lucky back scab, Lola.
188
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,240
I'm going to keep it forever
and use it as an ashtray.
189
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,960
I cannot believe Sergei
was working for Putin.
190
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:31,240
Well, in hindsight,
he was a bit shifty.
191
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,320
Then why did you take a bullet
for him?
192
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,160
What can I say?
193
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,720
I love a bastard.
194
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,680
RUSSIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM PLAYS
195
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:47,280
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
14299
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
