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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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♪ Oh, Mandy
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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,200
♪ Well, you came and
you gave without taking
4
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,920
♪ But I sent you away
5
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,560
♪ Oh, Mandy
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00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,760
♪ Well, you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
7
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♪ And I need you today
8
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,640
♪ Oh, Mandy. ♪
9
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So, what kind of work
are you interested in?
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I like mindless tasks. You know,
something I can do with my hands.
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OK, let's have a little look.
12
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,800
Don't touch that, please.
13
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,200
Oh, here's a bit of luck. There's
a position here packing fruit
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at a food distribution factory.
Oh, no. That doesn't sound like me.
15
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It's either that or you'll have to
attend an adult training course
16
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to improve your interview technique.
That doesn't sound like me either.
17
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Well, you've got to do one of them
or I'll have to dock your benefits.
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Fruit factory or adult training
course? It's up to you.
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It's like Sophie's Choice, in't it?
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♪ Job-seeker
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♪ Job-seeker... ♪
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Please watch the video.
23
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Welcome to your new job
at Gone Bananas,
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the banana processing
and distribution centre!
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Please pay attention to this short
health and safety presentation.
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Processing and distributing
up to 20,000 bananas a day,
27
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we are proud to have
the sixth highest volume
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of any banana processing and
distribution centre in the UK
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and North Europe region.
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And all this with the third best
health and safety record.
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Let's keep it that way.
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This is Mick. Mick was brought
on board to replace Jill,
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who was sadly killed
in a banana processing
34
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,680
and distribution incident.
35
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,360
Don't let what happened to Jill
happen to Mick
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00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,040
or to you.
37
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These are laminates.
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It is particularly important
you familiarise yourselves
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with this one.
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This is a deadly spider
from north Africa.
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If you see it, you must smash it
with your hammer.
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00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,040
And remember the Gone Bananas code.
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One to stun, two to kill,
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three to make sure.
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DRAMATIC JINGLE PLAYS
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Did you watch the video? Yeah, yeah.
That were dead informative, that.
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Thanks for that. Great.
I will see you on Monday, then.
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All right.
49
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,280
Have you been smoking?
50
00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,680
No.
51
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,040
No, it were like this
when I come in.
52
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,200
Minty Peak?
53
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,280
Actually, have you got something
all grown-up and executive?
54
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,600
You know, something that says
conference call?
55
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No Minty Peak? I've got a new job.
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Oh, that is wonderful news, Mandy.
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What is it? At the banana factory.
58
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,280
I'm an arachnid control operative.
What is that?
59
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,760
Spiders, Lol!
They come in on the bananas.
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It's my job to smash 'em.
It's a very important role.
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00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,760
Why don't they smash them
at their end?
62
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,520
I don't know, but I'm quids in here.
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00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,520
I am so happy for you, Mandy.
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Can I ask you something?
65
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,640
How exactly do you kill
the arachnids?
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00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,160
♪ Day-o... ♪
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One to stun, two to kill,
three to make sure.
68
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,520
♪ Daylight come and me... ♪
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00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,520
One to stun, two to kill,
three to make sure.
70
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,040
♪ Work all night and drink a rum
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♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
72
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,040
♪ Stack banana till the morning come
73
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,800
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
74
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,040
♪ Come mister tally man,
tally me banana
75
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,760
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
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00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:19,680
♪ Come mister tally man,
tally me banana
77
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,520
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
78
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,520
♪ Lift six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
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♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
80
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,960
♪ Six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
81
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,360
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
82
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,760
♪ Day
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00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,040
♪ Me say day-o
84
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,040
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
85
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,520
♪ Day
86
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,280
♪ Me say day, me say day, me say day
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00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,760
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
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♪ A beautiful bunch of ripe banana
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00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,760
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
90
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,760
♪ Hide the deadly black tarantula
91
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,400
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
92
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,760
♪ Lift six foot, seven foot,
eight foot bunch
93
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,120
♪ Daylight come and me wanna... ♪
94
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These are for you. Bananas?
95
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,760
You get to take the black ones home.
Oh, great. Ta.
96
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,760
♪ Day
97
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,920
♪ Me say day-o
98
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,040
♪ Daylight come and me wanna go home
99
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,240
♪ Day-o
100
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,840
♪ Day-o
101
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,280
♪ Daylight come
102
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:48,040
♪ And me wanna go home. ♪
103
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,760
Something terrible has happened.
104
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,520
I bloody loved that job, Lola.
105
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,680
I were good at it, too.
106
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,520
Shh. Dear, dear, never mind.
107
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:36,040
It weren't my fault, though. They're
really fast, some of these spiders.
108
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,520
What is the latest death toll?
109
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,040
17.
110
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,560
It's not all bad news, though.
111
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,920
I've got a phone interview
in the morning.
112
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,760
I might not mention the 17 dead.
113
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,040
What makes you think
you're the right person
114
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,680
to join Chicken Bungalow?
I like fried chicken.
115
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,640
I have it most nights.
116
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,200
I like other people who eat fried
chicken, so I assume we'd get on,
117
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,440
and I always wash my hands, not
just when I've done a number two.
118
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,840
Where do you see yourself
in five years?
119
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,520
Well, if I'm not breeding
Dobermann Pinschers,
120
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,400
hopefully I'll be working for you
just frying chicken.
121
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,280
What are your strengths?
122
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,040
I'm not a grass.
123
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,040
I might be some things
but I'm not a grass.
124
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,760
Oh, and I can swallow
a tangerine whole.
125
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,520
TOILET FLUSHES
126
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,200
When can you let me know by?
127
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,160
♪ Job-seeker
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♪ Job-seeker... ♪
129
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,040
Cheers for taking a chance on me.
130
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,280
Well, to be honest, you were
the only applicant. Oh, fantastic.
131
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,600
I won't let you down.
132
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,040
Is it all right if I go on my
break now? I'm gasping for a fag.
133
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,760
Yeah, all right.
134
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,600
Just make sure you're not seen
smoking in your uniform.
135
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,120
It's not the healthy image
we want to portray.
136
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,360
Yeah.
137
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,280
FAN WHIRS
138
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,480
FAN CHUGS
139
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Shit.
140
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,040
Oh, fuckin' hell.
141
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,680
Cheers. Thanks.
142
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,040
One second.
143
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,360
We've just got a...
144
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,880
..new person.
145
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,320
Oh, shit.
146
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,480
Oh, fuckin' shit.
147
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,040
FAN CHUGS
Jesus.
148
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,080
SHE BLOWS
149
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,120
SHE COUGHS
150
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,040
Help!
151
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,360
Oh, this is fucking typical.
152
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,280
There you go.
153
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,040
Thanks.
154
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,760
ALARM BLARES
155
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,360
One second.
156
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,400
Have you been smoking?
157
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,040
No, it were like this
when I come in.
158
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,600
What time do you want me tomorrow?
159
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,440
Back again, I see.
160
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,760
Now, Mandy, I've had some feedback
from your recent employers
161
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,360
and it would be helpful and
constructive for you to hear
162
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,800
what they had to say.
Oh, no, I'm all right, thanks.
163
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,680
Mark from Chicken Bungalow said,
164
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,040
"She burned down
my chicken restaurant."
165
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,840
And the banana people said
thanks to your negligence,
166
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,520
17 lives were lost.
167
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,520
I knew they'd dredge that up.
168
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,440
And all of them said they thought
you could do with some work
169
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,520
on your interview skills
so I'm afraid I am going to insist
170
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,560
that you go on the adult
training course. Fuckin' hell!
171
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,040
♪ Job-seeker
172
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,040
♪ Job-seeker
173
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,040
♪ Job-seeker
174
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,520
♪ Job-seeker
175
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,680
♪ Job-seeker
176
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,520
♪ Job-seeker... ♪
177
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,040
Right, who's next?
178
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,520
Come on, then.
179
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,560
OK, if you could just stand
there on your mark, please.
180
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,280
How tall are you?
181
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,840
No idea.
182
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,040
Somewhere between Dudley Moore
and Richard Osmond.
183
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:37,640
Right. OK. Just read this for us,
please, in your own time.
184
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,280
♪ Job-seeker
185
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,040
♪ Job-seeker... ♪
186
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,680
A couple of things to discuss,
Mandy. Fuckin' ell. What now?
187
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,960
First of all, you didn't attend
the adult training course as agreed.
188
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,760
I did. I definitely went there.
189
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,560
Well, you didn't sign the register.
Didn't I? No.
190
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:03,440
It's so long ago now. It was last
Wednesday. You can't expect me to
191
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,880
remember everything
that's ever happened. Jesus!
192
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,360
Secondly, have you been doing any
paid work over the last two weeks?
193
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,360
No. Because it's come
to my attention, Mandy,
194
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,480
that you've actually been working.
I haven't.
195
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,560
You haven't appeared in a commercial
for a payday loans company?
196
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,480
Who's told you that?
197
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,680
Mandy, your face is everywhere.
198
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,520
She just looks like me. What about
her? Does she look like you?
199
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,440
What about this?
200
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,520
Are you desperate for some cash
but don't have any family members
201
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,440
willing to bail you out again?
202
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,320
Then try Cash Maggot.
203
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,280
Too many bills this month?
204
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,440
Visit Cash Maggot and get
the money you need today.
205
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,280
It's so quick and simple.
206
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,920
There's nothing to fax
and no boring paperwork to send.
207
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,760
I'm a cash maggot.
I am a cash maggot.
208
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,520
I'm a cash maggot.
I'm a cash maggot!
209
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,440
Call Cash Maggot now
210
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,920
and you can have up to £300
in your account straight away.
211
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:02,840
I'm a cash maggot. He is.
I am. She is.
212
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,520
I am. She is. I am. They are.
213
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,280
He definitely is.
214
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,040
ALL: Thanks, Cash Maggot!
215
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,680
Representative APR 91%.
216
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,440
Your home may be at risk
if you do not keep up repayments.
217
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,440
The fact that you're mouthing
the words suggests that it's you.
218
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,840
So how much did you get paid?
Nothing.
219
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,480
Yet.
220
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,520
How much will you be getting?
221
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,000
It were only a day. I mean...
How much?
222
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,600
30 grand.
223
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,040
Sorry, what was that? £30,000.
224
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:37,040
Mandy, we take benefit fraud
very seriously here.
225
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,280
OK? There's a strict procedure
for this. I have to refer it
226
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,120
to my line manager.
She'll have to refer it to legal.
227
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,560
They'll open a full investigation,
work out...
228
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,280
♪ Day-o
229
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,360
♪ Da-a-ay-o
230
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:54,520
♪ Daylight come
and me wanna go home...
231
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,000
You've got 30 days to appeal it.
232
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,360
♪ Me say day, me say day, me say day
233
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,200
♪ Me say day, me say day-o... ♪
234
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,880
..a custodial sentence.
235
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,440
♪ Job-seeker
236
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,040
♪ Bo! ♪
237
00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:24,640
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